Disclaimer: "Icecube lettuce. It's like iceburg lettuce, only smaller!"

Be Prepared... for No Lyrics

(An: This took me forever because my VCR is a piece of crap. CRAP I TELLYOU! …Anyway... this chappy's prolly gonna be really long 'cause I LOVE Scar's song. It's the best part of the whole damn movie... and it's gonna get cut from FFN. Suck. I can't think of "I Just Can't Wait to be King" without thinking of Space Toaster's parody. Aragorn being stupid. Funfun. By the by, if you like Scar's song or want to know what "Be Prepared" sounds like, go here: www. albinoblacksheep .com / flash / nader.php. Obviously, remove the spaces.)

(Fuzzy: Oops! Skysong emailed me this weeks ago and I totally forgot about it. Sowwies!)

The scene switches quickly from Scott to Remy and Rogue hopping out from behind a rock- almost TOO quickly. "All right, it worked!" Remy says, getting the attention off him kicking the scene-switch button off screen.

"We lost 'em!" Rogue agrees.

"I am a genius," Remy proclaims, putting a paw on his chest.

There is a second's pause and then everyone bursts out laughing, Rogue the loudest.

"That's just so damn funny!" Rogue says, rolling with laughter.

"Almost better than Forge's blue butt," Ororo agrees, wiping her streaming eyes VEEERY carefully.

Remy, needless to say, Does Not look amused. "Jus' say your stupid line so we can GO!"

Rogue gets up, wheezing. She clears her throat and responds, "Hey, genius, it was MY idea."

"Et it was my idea to take your idea!" (1)

"WRONG LINE!" Forge shrieks.

"Oops." Remy turns back to Rogue. "Oui, but I pulled it off."

"With me!" Rogue adds.

"Oh yeah?" Remy responds, and then tackles her. They flip over a couple of times, ending up with Rogue on top. Remy waggles (2) his eyebrows... which is interesting, since he's a lion cub. A midgety one at that. "Heh heh, chere, didn't I always say I'd get y' in dis position? 'Cept I usually like t' be on top."

Rogue snarls at him. "Don't press your luck, bayou boy. Ha. Pinned ya."

"Lemme up," Remy mutters, but he raises his eyebrows at the camera and smirks again.

Rogue backhands- er, backpaws him.

"Ow! Cheap shot!"

"Just say the damn line and then you won't have to deal with each other, anyway," Forge points out

Rogue bares her teeth at him, then tackles Remy again. They roll down over a hillside… for a place that's supposedly forbidden, it's quite easy to get to. Yep, they're in the elephant graveyard… creepy. As usual, Rogue wins. "Pinned ya again."

"I'd almost t'ink y' wanted to be in dis position, ma chere," Remy comments.

"You don't wanna live long, do you?" Kurt comments in the background. "Because if you do in fact survive Rogue and she consents to date you, I may just have to kill you."

"My friends eternal faith in me is what gets me through the day," Remy comments. The dry expression on his face is quite interesting on a lion.

"For interesting, read ridiculous," Kurt says, grinning.

Remy and Rogue both glare at him. "I have this undeniable urge to eat him," Remy comments.

"Don't hold back on my account," Kitty comments… on her neat little plane of nonexistence. "I'm not here until the sequel." (3)

Quite a few minutes late- "I'M A BABOON! What do you expect!" Forge yells in the background.

Author: -clears throat-

Like I was saying, a giant geyser of steam erupts right next to them. They pad forward up onto a cliff and see a giant elephant skull… that's disturbing. (4) This whole scene is really not for the target audience… i.e., five-year-olds.

"This is it. We made it!" Remy cries, apparently elated about finding a giant pile of dead bones, geysers, and crap like that.

"They do say idiots are easily amused," says Mystique.

"Is EVERYONE out t' get me?"

Silence.

"Uh, DUH," says Kurt.

Remy mutters something about revenge.

They pause and look over one of the tusks, seeing even more bones, geysers, and mudholes. They look at each other, and go, in that way only amazed little kids can do, "Whoa..."

"It's really creepy," Rogue says, looking delighted.

"Yeah, isn't it great?" Remy agrees, seeming just as delighted.

"We could get in big trouble." This doesn't seem to dampen Rogue's spirits at all.

"I know." Or Remy's, for that matter…

They walk up to the skull, and Rogue comments, cheerfully, of course, "I wonder if its brains are still in there." That's just not nice.

"There's only one way to know. Come on, let's go check it out." Remy starts for the skull but gets stopped by a flying fluff of tight-assery.

"Getting creative, are we?" Kurt asks, and nods his approval.

Somehow, Scott manages to look anally retentive, freaked out, and annoying at the same time. You have to give the freak a little credit. It's pretty impressive. "No! The only checking out you will do is to check out of here."

"Aw, man," says Remy, as though he doesn't want to leave the creepy, bone-infested place.

"We're way beyond the boundaries of the Pride Lands," says Scott, dropping a little of the tight-ass look to look more freaked.

"Look, banana beak is scared!"

"That's MR. Banana Beak to you, fuzzy," says Scott, poking Remy in the nose-

"GAH! IT TOUCHED ME!" Remy cries, backing off as fast as he can and rubbing at his nose. "Somebody! Get some disinfectant! Dial! Dawn! WD40!"

"Oh, would you stop overreacting," Scott snaps.

"I don't think he's overreacting at all," Kurt says, looking squicked at the prospect of getting touched by Scott.

Scott decides to ignore Remy and goes on. "And right now, we are all in very real danger."

Remy looks miffed at having to go on as well without getting some disinfectant, but says his line. "Danger? I walk on the wild side." He walks up to the skull. "I laugh in the face of danger. Ha ha ha ha!"

There is some hyena-type laughter. Remy gets an oh-shit look and jumps behind Rogue.

Tabby, Evan, and Bobby step out of the skull. "Man, I don't believe I have to play the stupid one!" Bobby cries.

Author: Hey, don't look at me, PB casted it. I just think it fits… since you're an idiot!

"I am NOT an idiot!"

Everyone else looks rather bored and says, "Yes, you are."

Bobby mutters something but shuts up.

"Well, well, well, Evan, what have we got here?" Tabby asks, walking towards them. Scott sticks out his wings and Remy and Rogue quickly take a step back to avoid getting touched.

"Oh, I don't know, Tabby," Evan agrees, "what do you think, Bobby?"

Bobby makes some weird, random laughing noise.

"Yeah, just what I was thinking. A trio of trespassers!" The hyenas back the cubs into a wall.

"And quite by accident, let me assure you," says Scott, wearing an oh-shit look of his own. "A simple navigational error."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," says Tabby, stepping on Scott's tail as he makes to scram, "wait, wait, wait, I know you! You're Mufasa's little stooge."

Scott steps out of her grip and Tabby looks grateful. "I, madam, am the king's majordomo." …whatever, stooge. "I AM NOT A STOOGE, DAMMIT!"

"And that makes you…" says Evan, looking delighted as the hyenas circle the cubs.

"The future king," says Remy. He grins for a moment and then regains that scared-shitless look.

"Do you know what we do to kings who step out of their kingdom?" Tabby asks, all innocently like.

"Puh! You can do anything to me! …puh?"

"Exactly what I was thinking," Kurt says.

Author: I just copy what I see on the captions, ok!

"Uh, technically they can. We ARE on their land…" says Scott, with an oh-shit-we're-gonna-die smile on his face. He does the tappy thing, you know, when you're nervous and you tap your index fingers together? Like that, but with wings.

"But Scott, you told me they're nothing but a bunch of slobbering, mangy, stupid poachers!" Obviously, this child has a wish to die young.

"Ixnay on the upidstay…" (4)

"Who you callin' upidstay? …the HELL?" says Evan.

"It's Pig Latin, you idiot," says Tabby, smacking him upside the head.

"Oh, that's real nice," Evan mutters, glaring at her.

"Oh my my my, look at the sun, it's time to go!" Scott cries in that anally retentive way of his. He sweeps away the cubs… or tries to, anyway. Tabby steps in front of him.

"What's the hurry? We'd LOVE for you to stick around for dinner…"

"Yeah, we could have whatever's… 'lion' around!" Evan cries.

Author: Ugh, puns. It never ends.

"Wait wait wait I got one, I got one. Make mine a CUB sandwich. Whatcha think?" The hyenas laugh hysterically… as usual.

Then Bobby starts to gesture, making weird, laughy/talky noises. Weird.

"What, Bobby, what is it?" Tabby asks, clearly Not Getting It.

"Hey, did we order this dinner to go?" Evan asks, looking the way Bobby's pointing.

"No, why?"

"'Cause there it goes!" Evan yells. We see Rogue, Remy, and Scott running off across the graveyard.

They're just about to get away when one of the hyenas grabs Scott's tail.

"Don't worry, people, it was a fake hand," says Kurt. "Nobody had to get that near Scott's butt."

Rogue and Remy don't notice this, of course (actually, more likely they probably just don't care). They pause in a… clearing… sort of. "Did we lose 'em?" Rogue asks.

"I think so… where's Scott? …are we supposed to care?"

Author: Well...not really, no. It's just in the script.

"So the little majordomo birdy hippity-hopped all the way to the birdy boiler," Evan narrates. He's holding Scott (by the wings, but he's wearing gloves, thankfully) and leading him to a little geyser... oh this is gonna be good.

"Oh no, not the birdy boiler!" Scott cries, as he gets stuffed into it. Five seconds later... WHIZZ! Scott!rocket!

The hyenas laugh hysterically until Remy says, "Hey! Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?"

"Like… you?" Tabby suggests.

This seems to occur to Remy, and he regains the oh-shit look. "Oops."

The hyenas chase them, straight into another exploding geyser. Somehow, they get in front of the cubs, and yell, "Boo!" Real original, that.

There's a big Chase Scene (tm) as the cubs climb up the skull, slide down its ribcage and dash up a hill coated in bones... all the while with snarling hyenas right behind them. And this is a G movie?

"Remy!" Rogue yells, as she slides down the hill. "Aw, damn, Ah HATE playin' the DID."

"DID?" Bobby asks, pausing.

"Damsel In Distress," Kurt translates. "You really ARE an idiot!"

Remy, being the Big Hero Character, runs down after her and jumps in front of her just as Tabby's about to take a nice big bite. He scratches her, leaving nasty-looking marks. Tabby looks REALLY vicious now.

The cubs somehow get up the hill and run through a tunnel and up to a well-preserved skeleton. They jump up on top of some of the elephant's skin (!) and try to jump from there, but being a rotting corpse it gives beneath them and they fall into the ribcage. Smaaaart.

"Here, kitty kitty kitty," says Evan as the hyenas approach. Ooh, nasty.

Remy steps in front of Rogue and roars... really pathetically. Like how my cats would roar. And they're fixed.

"That was it? Do it again, come on," Tabby says as the hyenas walk up.

Remy poises to roar, but a big majestic roar is what comes out... it's not him doing it, obviously.

Now the hyenas get the oh-shit looks. "Huh!" they gasp as Logan comes out of nowhere and pins them. Scott flaps in, seemingly out of nowhere, looking rather singed. The rest of the cast snickers.

"Please, please!" Tabby gasps.

"Ow, ow, uncle, uncle!" Evan whines.

"Silence!" Logan snarls.

"Having fun with the synonyms?" Kurt asks, sitting upside down in his chair.

Author: Why, yes, as a matter of fact I am.

"Oh, we're gonna shut up right now!" Evan agrees. He and Tabby get matching "oh-shit-we're-gonna-die" smiles... luckily, they don't look a thing like Scott.

"Calm down! We're really sorry-" Tabby starts, but Logan cuts her off.

"If you EVER come near my son again-" Logan twitches. "DAMN that rankles."

Author: You die in the next chapter. Come off it.

"Oh, right.

"Oh, this is, this is YOUR son?" says Tabby, all half-assed-like.

"Your son?" Evan seconds.

"Did you know that?"

"Oh, me? No, I didn't know that, I don't know nothing! Did you?"

"No, of course not!"

"Bobby?" they ask in unison.

Bobby, of course, nods, since he's an idiot.

Logan lets them up to roar again.

"Toodles!" Evan says, with a little wave, and they run off, yelping and yapping like the stupid animals they are. "WE'RE ACTING, you know!"

"It still fits," Kurt replies.

Scott flaps out of the ribcage and next to Logan, and nods in a kiss-ass way. Logan glares at him and he kind of shrinks. Too bad he won't disappear altogether.

The cubs bounce out of the ribcage. "Dad, I-" Remy starts. "OOH dat's weird t' say!"

"How d'ya think I feel, Gumbo?"

"For de last freakin' time, IT GAMBIT!" (5)

"You deliberately disobeyed me," Logan says, all steely-like.

Author: GOTTA stop using that phrase.

"Dad, I-I'm sorry," Remy says, and to his credit he looks penitent.

"Let's go home."

"Ah thought you were very brave…" Rogue says, and then cracks up again. Remy gives the camera a "why-moi" look.

Of course, we see Mystique standing on a rock ridge, watching them, just as the Dramatic Music (tm) swells. She does NOT look happy... does she ever?

"You know," Pietro pipes up, "that's actually a pretty good question."

"Are you even IN this?" Kurt demands.

"Eh, probably not, but who knows?"

Through the magic of scene-switch buttons, we switch to the Pride Lands, some random grassy field. Logan looks pissed and the cubs and Scott slink along in his wake.

"Scott?" Logan says. "The name... it BURNS!"

"Oh would you stop overreacting!" Scott cries, then gasps. "I adlibbed! Y-yes, sire?" he stammers, flapping up in front of Logan.

"Take Rogue home. I have to teach my son a lesson," says Logan, putting a nasty emphasis on "son."

We see Rogue and Remy watching them. Remy, looking kind of like a baby monkey, ducks down below the grass... in shame. Aw, how sad.

"Come, Rogue," Scott says, ignoring the disgusted look Rogue is giving him. He puts his wings on Remy's shoulders... yeah. "Remy- good luck." Remy twitches. He flaps off, Rogue giving Remy a not-scripted "ooh-you're-gonna-get-it" look.

"That was SUPPOSED to be a 'sorry' look!" Kurt yells from offstage.

"Since when do you care?" Rogue demands.

"...Good point."

"Remy!" Logan yells. Remy winces.

"Well, oui, he practically screamed it, and I've got sharper senses now," Remy replies.

Remy walks up to Logan, slowly. He happens to step in one of Logan's gigantic pawprints, and the guilt factor goes from nine to twelve. Moody clarinets start up. Remy glances up at Logan, who closes his eyes.

"It's not like I wanna look at him," Logan responds, before saying his line. "Remy, I'm very disappointed in you."

"I know…" Remy says, looking at the dirt.

"You could have been killed. You deliberately disobeyed me... this guy likes this phrase. And what's worse, you put Rogue in danger!"

"I was just trying to be brave, like you." Remy can't quite manage the choked-up voice... do we really want him to?

"I'm only brave when I have to be. Remy, being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble."

"Now is this the life lesson, or the cliché attack?" Kurt asks.

Author: Both, probably.

"But you're not scared of anything!"

"I was today... no I wasn't."

"We all get you're the big, stupid, fearless dude," Jubilee says in the background, filing her nails. "You don't need to elaborate!"

Logan bares his teeth and Jubilee shoots some fireworks at him. "Yow! Fur! On fire! FIRE!" Logan runs around screaming.

A technical difficulties sign comes up, and Muzak plays. In the background we hear maniacal laughter... that can't be good.

A few minutes later the sign comes down and we see Logan, a little less furry, and Pyro, restrained. He's also a meerkat. Weird. Piotr comes in and starts rolling him away, pausing to mention, "Don't worry, we're not here until the next chapter or so." (6)

Remy stares after them, a WTF look on his face until Kurt clears his throat. Remy says, "Oh, right," and resumes his guilt-trip look. "You were?"

"Yes, I thought I might lose you."

"Actually, if Remy died, we'd be more likely to have a party," Rogue comments.

Remy leans back on his paws and sings, "Nobody loves me, nobody cares. Nobody loves me at all."

"Damn straight."

Kurt clears his throat. Remy grins nervously. "Oh… I guess even kings get scared, huh?"

"Mmmhmm…"

"But y' know what?" Remy whispers.

"What?"

"I think those hyenas were even scareder."

"Bad Cajun grammar strikes again!" Kurt cries.

Author: ...You're German. English isn't even your first language. Why do you care?

"Because English is weird enough!" (7)

"'Cause nobody messes with your dad!" Logan agrees. He looks squicked at the dad again and then grabs Remy, giving him a noogie. "Commere, you!"

Remy looks disgusted and wiggles out of his reach, tackling Logan. "Come here!" Logan runs off and then falls over, Remy biting his ear... yeah. "Gotcha!" Perched on Logan's head, Remy says, "Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"We're pals, right?"

"Right." Remy and Logan pause to give the camera "yeah-right" looks.

"And we'll always be together, right?"

"Considering his healing factor..." Ororo comments from offstage.

"Lions. Don't. Have. POWERS!" Forge yells.

"Calm down, you spaz."

Forge's eye twitches.

Logan ignores them and gets all contemplative. "Remy, let me tell you something my father told me. Look at the stars. The great kings of the past look down on us from those stars."

Author: Remember this, it's a Plot Point.

"Really?"

"Yes. So whenever you feel alone… just remember that those kings will always be there to guide you… and so will I." Remy snorts in a way that A) ruins the scene and B) shows how much he cares about THAT.

We switch from the grassy plain to rocks and geysers... charming. There's also lots of green smoke. Makes you wonder if the same people did TLK and QFC. (8)

We hear Evan's voice. "Man, that lousy Logan! I won't be able to sit for a week!" Then of course Bobby launches off into hysterical laughter. He must enjoy pain. "It's not funny, BOBBY." We see the both of them, and somehow, Bobby starts laughing even harder. "Hey, shut up!" Bobby, of course, keeps laughing, and as Evan dives at him we see a big red scratch mark on Evan's butt... ew.

"Will you knock it off!" Tabby yells, on a higher ledge than them. They seperate, but Bobby, being an idiot, keeps chewing on his own leg until he notices it's not Evan.

"These idiot jokes are wearing thin," Bobby mutters.

"Uh... no," says the rest of the cast.

"He started it!" Evan cries, pointing at Bobby.

"Look at you guys. No wonder we're dangling at the bottom of the food chain." Tabby hops down from her ledge, glaring at the guys.

"Man, I hate dangling," Evan mutters, a big line of drool dangling from his mouth.

"Yeah. You know, if it weren't for those lions, we'd be running the joint!"

"Man, I hate lions."

"So pushy," Tabby agrees, starting to walk around Evan.

"And hairy!"

"And stinky!"

"And man, are they uuugly!" they cry in unison, back to back. The hyenas start off with the laughing again... seriously, I know the sound they make sounds like laughter, but this is taking it a bit far, don'tchathink?

"Oh, surely we lions are not all that bad," comes Mystique's voice. Evan and Tabby get oh-shit looks for a second and then they recognize the voice as we see Mystique, perched on a ledge, surrounded by green geysers... yeah, the same people DEFINITELY did QFC.

"Oh, Mystique, it's just you," says Evan.

"Oh, we were afraid it was somebody important," Tabby agrees.

"Yeah, you know, like Logan."

"I see." Mystique's eye twitches at the mention of Logan.

"Now THAT'S power."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Tabby puts in. "I just hear that name and I shudder."

"Logan," says Evan.

"Ooh!" Tabby shudders. "Do it again."

"Logan! Logan, Logan, Logan!" The hyenas start laughing again.

"Ooh, it tingles me."

"I'm surrounded by idiots," Mystique mutters, massaging her temples.

"Not you, Mystique, I mean you're one of us. I mean, you're our pal!" Evan says.

"Charmed."

"Ooh, I like that. He's not king, but he's still so proper," Tabby comments. "Isn't Mystic a girl?"

Author: Yeah, well, the gender pronouns are tricky, because she's a girl playing a lion who's a guy.

"Good point."

"Oh, hey, hey, did you bring us anything to eat, Mystique? Old buddy, old pal, didja didja didja?" Evan says, with the kind of expression I'd expect my yappy dogs to wear.

"I don't think you really deserve this," says Mystique, holding out part of a zebra leg... EW. The hyenas bounce and beg... again, like my yappy dogs. "I practically gift-wrapped those cubs for you, and you couldn't even dispose of them." He drops the leg and the hyenas dig in. There's a thing called taking a character TOO far.

"Well, you know, it wasn't 'zactly like they was alone, Mystique," Tabby points out, mouth full.

"Yeah, what're we supposed to do, kill Mufasa?" Evan asks, swallowing part of the hide...

Author: I may just throw up now.

"Precisely." Sadly, she says it unlike the griffin from QFC.

"Hey, I thought that was MY line!" Sabretooth yells. He's a mouse and he's still alive, unfortunately. (9)

The hyenas give him WTF looks as Mystique hops from rock to rock and down to their level, to drumbeats. She hops in the middle of them, and they scatter. She walks forward, surrounded by green geysers.

HEY GROOVY DUDES AND DUDETTES, READ THIS!

Before you all start giving Skysong WTF looks, please realize that this is Fuzzy talking…writing…whatever. And that I just ate a KitKat bar from Taiwan. Man, those bars are HUGE!

Anyway, so since FanFic will accept lyrics on every single one of my ficcies except this, you guys should know the drill. Go to: http/ www. livejournal. com/ users/ (underscore)(underscore)b(underscore)a(underscore)m(underscore)f(underscore)(underscore)/ (without the spaces and all the underscores added, of course).

BTW, I just now realized that they didn't put ANY of the underscores in the other chappies, either. So I've gone and fixed them now. Sowwies!

"And that's a wrap! THANK GOD!" Kurt yells.

(Sorry this took me forever... I hope to have it on DVD by the time my turn rolls around again.)

(1) Line from Fairly OddParents.

(2) Now, you see, this would've made more sense if I'd gotten this out on time... but see, I used "waggled", so, yeah.

(3) PB says she wants the sequel to be a Kurtty... which would be great, because Kurtty kicks ass. That one would be all her, because as much as I love it, I don't have it... -sad-

(4) For the non-Pig-Latin-savvy, that would be "Nix the stupid." -clears throat, smirks-

(5) Big Boom joke; everyone calls Remy Gumbo and it annoys him.

(6) I say or so depending on how long PB makes the next chapter... but I SO want dibs on "Hakuna Matata." You can HAVE the love ballad; I've gotta do ENOUGH of those. (Fuzzy: For those of you who are so curious as to why I wanna do the love ballad, check out thesecond chappie of X Mulan 2.)

(7) Anyone else agree with me on that?

(8) The TLAs translate to "The Lion King" and "Quest for Camelot" which are similar in animation/song style. A fact which I frequently comment on in my parody of the latter.

(9) See footnote eight; Sabes plays the griffin in that and he says precisely very weirdly.

(10) Quote from "Be Sure Thy Sins" by the InterNutter.

(11) Remy and Piotr ended up in... ahem... compromising situations quite a lot in my parody of "The Thief and the Cobbler"... it also had lots of non-G-rated imagery.

(Fuzzy: Just in case any of you are thinking that Skysong's off her rocker or something, footnotes 10 and 11 are in the song bit. I stuck them up on the end of my LJ anyway. BTW, Skysong, did you ever put this up on EE?)