A/n's: This is a birthday present to QS. Since, you know, her graduation present was 6 months paid LJ time.

Warnings: humor, slash, Out of characterness

Disclaimor: I do not own Harry Potter nor Gundam Wing

The six Gundam pilots staggered and fell entangled together as they landed in the office. Not surprisingly, Remus and Sirius had managed to not be in the mass of bodies by virtue of the simple fact that they had expected the situation and had compensated for it.

"Damnit, would whomever has their hand on my groin area kindly remove it before I separate their hand and their testicles from their body?" threatened Wufei, blushing lightly.

"What is the status of the weapons?" Heero asked as he ignored Wufei.

"Well, I don't think anyone is touching Wufei's sword," Quatre innocently replied.

"It's always the quiet ones," Duo stated and laughed.

"I do not wish to repeat myself, but would whomever is groping me please remove their hand off of my outer reproductive system?" Wufei asked again.

Trowa looked as shocked as someone with only one visible eye and almost no facial expressions could. "I did remove my hand though," he said in a puzzled tone.

"Oh, sorry, Wufei. I forgot I was groping you," Duo said before removing his hand.

"Maxwell, as soon as we get out of this mess I will cut off your braid and use it as a pillow."

"But Wu-man, I'm the reason you have your pretty sword," Duo replied, causing Zechs and Quatre to snicker.

"Fine, as long as you don't call me Wu-man again," Wufei stated, calmed down by the mention of his new dragon etched sword.

"Yes Duo, remember Wufei is insecure about the feminine aspects of his personality," Heero intoned dryly.

"Damnit Maxwell, stop influencing Yuy," Wufei nearly whined.

As the six-some were arguing and/or snickering, they had disentangled themselves.

"Hey, how come when we left we hadn't fallen into a mass of bodies, but when we returned to Hogwarts we became an orgiastic mass of bodies?" Duo asked in an earnest tone of voice.

"I really cannot answer that for you Mister Maxwell. I do believe however, it is because it is a lot easier to get out of the wards of Hogwarts then to get into them," Dumbledore spoke from his position behind his desk.

Heero turned around from his position staring at the door and glared at Dumbledore as he twitched. "Omoe o karasu," he said in a monotone.

Zechs snickered before he remembered that he was a prince and a prince did not snicker, "You need to change those pink robes, Headmaster Dumbledore. Heero has a pink phobia."

Dumbledore looked vaguely shocked before he sighed and waved his left hand, nonchalantly changing his pink robes to a bright green and orange-striped robe.

"Well, it's sort of better," Remus agreed, surprisingly enough. "Now can I get back to my date Headmaster?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, you can go," Dumbledore replied.

After Remus left but before Sirius could escape the clutches of the evil mastermind, err, Professor Dumbledore; he was sent to show the six pilots to Gryffindor Tower.

"Professor Black—" Quatre started to say.

"I refuse to answer to my surname. You may call me Sirius," Sirius interrupted.

"Erm, Sirius, how will we know which room is ours?" Quatre asked.

"Look for the room with your stuff in it, of course. The house elves would have put it where it belongs."

"Of course," Quatre said, confused.

By the time the group reached the Gryffindor Tower, they had the dazed look of confusion only previously seen on first years gracing their features. Sirius noticed and laughed at their expressions. "If you get lost, politely ask the portraits for directions. Otherwise, you can ask a student for directions to floor 7, ask Harry which students to trust for directions, or if you build a good enough rapport with the castle, it will guide you. Just, under any circumstances, avoid asking Peeves for directions."

"Rapport with the castle?" the previously just about silent Trowa asked.

"Yes, the castle is almost sentient. Remus built an extremely good rapport with the castle, mostly since it recognized him as an heir of Hufflepuff. Even if the head of his line disowned him from the inheritance and erased him from the family tree. Although the fact that he was off the family tree meant he was safe from Voldemort, and he wasn't erased from inheriting anything owned by the Hufflepuff line. Anyway, it was the reason we could accomplish as many of the pranks as we did," Sirius explained.

"Anyway, this is The Fat Lady. The password for entrance is Pronglet, and now I have to get back to my, err, date with my boyfriend," he continued before leaving.

Quatre looked at the portrait. "The Fat Lady does not seem very nice or polite. Do you have a name you prefer to be called?" he asked.

"Why, the last one to ask me that was that charming rogue James Potter. Trying to convince me to give him the password into Ravenclaw Tower, he was. My name is Wilhemia. However, I do prefer to be called Emia."

"Then, Emia, the password is Pronglet," Quatre said with a small smile.

"You are definitely more charming than James Potter ever was. You need any help at all, just ask and I'll see what I can do." And with that, the Fat Lady swung her portrait out and let the six pilots enter the common room.

Quatre was the first one to notice the antiquated opulence of the common room.

"Antiquated opulence? Q-chan, you even think in an upper crust sort of way." Duo commented.

"Oh dear, I did not mean to say that out loud," Quatre apologized to the room at large as the group sat down in the armchairs and sofa in front of the fireplace.

"Quatre, you are not supposed to apologize after stating something. Sometimes you are just a tad too well-mannered." Zechs commented.

"Millarado, you do the same thing," Quatre replied.

"Of course I do, I have been educated the same as you," Zechs said.

"You have not been educated quite the same as me, Millarado." Quatre said in return.

"What, are you still trying to hide the fact that you are a prince through your mother's line?" Zechs queried.

"Prince? Quatre, you're a prince?" Duo suddenly interrupted.

"Well, yes. My mother is the only child of a Sheik from earth. Her mother was a descendent of an English princess, which is why she was able to marry the Sheik and even be able to demand to be the only wife." Quatre stated.

Duo looked puzzled at what Quatre had said. "What do you mean by only wife? I thought you could only have one wife anyway?" he asked.

Quatre laughed at that. "It's really quite simple. It has become a tradition for the wealthy men of Islam to have more then one wife, so long as he can care for all wives equally, and only up to four wives. Although there are also those who say that there are conditions on taking the extra wives. Being that the conditions are that the women have to be orphans and being treated unjustly and that the marriage shall only be approved if the marriage shall raise the woman out of poverty."

Duo looked shocked. "That's simple? That sounds nuts."

"It's just a different religious and cultural belief, and Islam is neither the first nor the last religion to practice polygamy. China had emperors who had wives and concubines; Native Americans sometimes had multiple spouses. Truly, it was only when Christianity appeared that monogamy became more prevalent. There is nothing in the Bible against polygamy, or in the Torah. The bias against polygamy is really a cultural thing," Wufei stated.

Duo shrugged. "I really don't see why people would want to have more then one spouse. Having to figure out how to show just one person how much you care is difficult enough. Can you imagine doing that with multiple spouses? Can you imagine marrying more then one female and having to deal with all that PMS'ing? You would be dead within a week."

Heero stood up from his spot on Millardo's lap and grabbed Duo's braid. "I think it's time for us to go find our dorm room and start to unpack things."

"Hee-chan, I can't believe you are this kinky! What are you going to do next? Tie me down instead of just using my hair as a leash?" Duo asked as he arched his eyebrow.

"Yes Duo, I'm going to tie you down and have my wicked way with you as Zechs watches. After all, he has a kink for voyeurism." Heero unflappably replied.

"Heero, you aren't supposed to give away your partner's kinks. And Duo, I thought you were more dominant then that," Zechs calmly said.

Duo smirked as he stated, "I am more dominant then that. It's not my fault Heero is stronger then me. There's only one, well, two ways you would be able to tie Heero down. One would be that he has to pretend to be unconscious, and that will only last long enough for him to escape. The other would be if he truly trusted you to not harm him. And I don't mean physically, I mean emotionally. Heero would never be able to recover if he was mentally harmed." He said as his tone of voice first turned serious and then trailed off.

Trowa stared at Duo in disbelief. "That sounded almost…. deep, Duo."

"Heero is my best friend, and anyway, you guys do realize Heero is nuts. Jeez, he set his own leg the same day I met him, after he tried to commit suicide no less then five times within, oh, I think, about four days. Good thing I'm not truly Catholic, because if I were, I would have to pray for his soul just about everyday." He commented, trying to play off his insight into Heero's soul and motivations.

Quatre smiled knowingly, "Keep trying to hide yourself, Duo. We all know who and what you are capable of. And we know your act as just a street rat is just that, an act."

"Aw, jeez you guys, you are going to make me blush." Duo commented as he scratched the back of his head.

"We don't have all day everyone," Wufei interrupted the rest of the pilots. While he did believe Duo tried to hide his worth with disparaging comments, he also knew why. Too many people who had been close to Duo had died, and he could not believe that they were not next. Besides, all this talk about emotions was just plain unsettling. Especially out in the open where anyone could hear them. It was not safe at all.

"Wu-chan needs to calm down just a little, don't you agree Duo?" Heero commented.

"Damnit Maxwell, would you stop influencing Yuy? Moreover, don't add the honorific chan. I am not a little child nor am I a young girl. If you do not stop calling me by those abominable nicknames, I will not only chop off your braid, I will strangle you with it!" Wufei ranted at Duo.

Duo looked around for a second, seeing where all the possible escape routes were before calling out, "Now Wu-man, you know you love me." With that, he bolted for the steps, followed by an irate Wufei and then the rest of the pilots ambling along.

Zechs shook his head, "They are a lot like siblings, aren't they, Quatre?" He asked the only other pilot known to have siblings.

Quatre shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I didn't meet the rest of my siblings until I was about nine. Father didn't want me to think I was to blame for mother's death, so he did the same thing to me that he did to each of the girls born from a test tube."

Zechs looked astounded at the fact that Quatre had not known his own siblings. Even Zechs had known his sister, even if she had been too young to remember him when they were separated, and he had definitely known his parents had loved him. From the way Quatre had sounded, he probably had no idea if his father had loved him or not, and there was no way to ask since his father had allowed himself to become a martyr.

"Well, you still grew up fairly decently, except for the whole becoming a terrorist and destroying buildings and people and other things," Zechs commented.

Quatre laughed. "I was an obnoxious child. I threw tantrums, ran away, and was pretty much the standard wild child. It wasn't until I meet Rashid that I changed."

"Well as interesting as this is to learn about you Quatre, I really do think we need to go separate the two of them," Heero commented.

Trowa finally spoke, "Where would the fun be in that? They fight like girls anyway."

"No they don't. I've seen Relena fight; she has a mean right hook when she actually doesn't want to play pretend pacifist," Zechs stated. "However they should be separated."

Heero looked at the other two and then smirked. "I have an easy way to solve who is to separate Wufei and Duo," he stated calmly.

"What is it?" Quatre queried.

Heero's smirk grew wider as he started counting, "One, two, three, not me."

Quatre looked confused as Zechs and even Trowa quickly copied the sentence Heero had said.

Heero looked over at Quatre and quickly explained, "One Two Three not me is a quick way to get out of having to do something. It is used a lot by children as they play games such as tag or hide and go seek. It's primarily used to decide who is 'it'. Duo taught it to me. Oh, and you should go separate those two before they destroy something valuable."

Quatre sighed as he went up the stairs ahead of the other three pilots who were not fighting. "I wish I had a bucket of water to douse Wufei and Duo in," he muttered almost underneath his breath as he followed the sounds of fists thumping against flesh into a large room that held eleven beds.

"You are going to treat them like dogs in heat?" Trowa asked with a trace of amusement laced through his voice.

"Of course, it is how they are acting, after all." Quatre replied.

Wufei and Duo, who were trained Gundam pilots and always paid attention to what was going on around them when they fought in case of an attack, stopped fighting and looked over at Quatre. They then looked at each other, back at Quatre then each other again as they smirked at each other. Moving as one, the two turned and pounced on Quatre, tickling him.

Quatre gasped and giggled, trying to beg them to stop. He was extremely ticklish, but nothing seemed to stop Duo and Wufei. It was only when he threatened to pee his pants that the other two stopped tickling him and stood up, leaving Quatre on the floor.

Quatre sat upright, his blond hair wildly mussed and his face bright red from exertion.

Duo, laughing himself, reached down and pulled him up.

"Come on, I want to see here the food is. I'm starving," Duo exaggerated.

Trowa and Zechs shook their heads at the way that the others were acting, but turned and started down the stairs, knowing that the rest of the pilots would follow them down to the common room.

"My name is being Dobby, and young Masters, Dumbledore is saying it is time for yous to come to dinner now. He is asking mes to show you the way to the Great Hall as yous are not being to Hogwarts before," an oddly misshapen creature said as it popped into the common room with a sharp crack just as they entered.

Dobby frowned as he looked at the six young adults and sighed. "Dobby is thinking that yous be very difficult and that if Dobby be taking you to the Great Hall though the school yous be getting lost on purpose. Dobby is thinking that Dobby should just take you to the Great Hall." As soon as he said that, Dobby snapped his fingers, and the group of seven disappeared from the Gryffindor tower and reappeared in the foyer of the Great Hall.

Zechs, throwing his shoulders back and holding his head high, was the first one to open the doors into the Great Hall.