Everything happens for a reason. My parents used to say that. Why?

Back then I didn't know.

Now? I think it was so they could cope with all the shit thrown at their face…

"I think you had enough, sir." The bartender calmly dragged the almost empty bottle of alcoholic drink away from me.

"And I think I had NOT enough…." I reply as I drag the bottle back towards me…

"Besides! it's just one bottles of, whachamacallit…" I add as I turn to look at the label of said bottle with one eye half-closed.

"It's vodka sir, and it's the sixth bottle. So as I said, you had enough." The bartender responds just as calmly.

"God, I already paid you, so just let me get shit-faced in peace mister penguin. You get fired only once, and lose your house, only once~ So let me, celebrate! My new life by the dumpster fire..." I reply as I point the bottle towards him.

"I'm sorry to hear that, sir." The bartender answers, his eyes quickly shifting away from me, and then back towards me.

"You know, it's my first time drinking. And let me tell you, shit tastes awful, why do you people even drink? Are you masochists? But wait, that makes me a masochist as well? Do you penguins have a BDSM room in this joint for people like that?..." I turn the bottle to look through its hole as I keep speaking….

"No, sir…" The bartender responds flatly.

"Well what…." And just as I was about to speak, I felt a heavy weight on my left shoulder. Turning my head towards my left, I found a big hand resting on my shoulder. Following that hand, a bulky arm, to an oversized shoulder, and a bald head….

"Is there an officer problem?" I ask as I try to straighten myself.

"I'd like to ask you to leave the premises." The bulky man 'asks'.

I stare at the bulky guy, then at the penguin behind the counter, then at the bulky guy again.

"You guys multiply like rabbits…." I chuckle as I turn to look at my bottle. Only to find myself getting yoiked up.

"Oi! Hand's off the merchandise! It's fragile! Handle with love and care~..." I shout as the bulky man starts dragging me towards the exit.

And the moment the door opens, revealing the dark, night sky. He shoves me outside.

With an almost comical stepping, I keep moving forward with the momentum of the push, until I found myself next to a light pole, which I grabbed, or more like hugged with my free arm.

With the remaining momentum, I spun on the pole until I faced the bulky man that was now blocking the bar's entrance, arms folded, looking tough.

And while I was leaning on the pole.

"Sorry ma dude, but I don't sexy pole dance for dudes." I lift the arm holding the bottle towards him…

"Now come to think of it, I don't pole dance, at all…" I whisper right after…

"Go home". The bulky man blurts out.

"I would, but the bank stated otherwise." I answer as I lean off the pole, and start walking towards, God knows where…

…How did I end up like this...

To be honest, if you told me a couple of weeks ago that I'd be a smoldering wreck, I'd laugh it off. But living with minimum wage, means your world can get pulled from under your feet at a moment's notice…

"Matters not! I'll just reload the latest save and pick a different choice. Maybe I'll become a race driver this time around." I chuckle as I keep going down the street with unsteady steps…

Upon reaching the first intersection, I turned to look towards my right, at the downhill road that led to a pier.

"I could probably become a pro too! I can drive anything that has wheels!" I exclaim as I lift my almost empty vodka bottle, before looking at one of the big recycling dumpsters that were right next to me.

"Don't believe me?! Here! I'll prove it!" I shout towards the light pilon right in front of me, and then grab the dumpster, and move it towards the downhill road. Stopping right before the road started to go downhill…

"I'll race you down the sea shiny lanky boi! Get ready!" I shout at the pylon again as I push the dumpster one final time, and just as it starts picking up speed, I climb up on its side.

"To loooooseeee!" I shout again as the wind starts hitting my face…

"This car smells weird!" I chuckle as the dumpster loudly zipped down the road...

And, just as the dumpster was speeding down, I grabbed the lid to balance myself. Which ended with me accidentally opening the said lid slightly. Causing a random, empty nylon bag to fly off from inside the dumpster, and right into my face...

"Ha! Weak Sauce! I don't even need to see to beat you ya damn lanky!" I scream as I lift the vodka bottle in the air….

And, after a few seconds. A thud, and the road was no longer downhill, the sound of wheels running on wooden planks.

"And the winner is…" And with a loud crash, I was in the air….

"Meeeeeeee!"

(...You know, I just remembered. I don't drive…)

-SPLASH-

And the last thing I felt, was cold water…

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

..

...

(People make stupid decisions all the time…

But getting jettisoned into the sea while riding a dumpster, all the while having a nylon bag stuck to my face? And while also being shit dead drunk? That was definitely a new one for me.

What are the chances I drowned now? Pretty high I'd recon…

While I do consider myself to be a good swimmer, I don't think it counts when you can't feel your whole body...

So, this is how the afterlife feels huh? Hmm, I gotta say, seems pretty, boring. Where are the superpowers? Where are the waifus? Where is my flying aircraft carrier?

All I can see is pitch blackness, though I do hear seagulls. Wait, seagulls? Why are there friggin flying chickens in my afterlife?! Except, if this is hell. I mean, never really believed in all this stuff, but. I can't really deny it now, can I?..)

"Hey Mataro look! Some weird dude passed out on the beach!" A kid's voice then echoes.

(Ughh, hell has kids too. Not, much of a surprise on that either though, fucking runts…)

"It's boss you idiot! Call me boss! Now move! Search him before he wakes up." Another kid's voice echoes….

And, after the sound of footsteps on the sand. I started to feel something digging in my pockets…

"Hey, hey, I found his wallet~" A kid's voice speaks up again.

"You think salt water can ruin cash?" The same voice asks.

"I don't know, it does not matter, how much he got on him?" Another voice asks.

"He has , uhhh…" The other voice begins to speak, then, it stops.

"What, come on speak up. How much he got!" Another voice speaks up.

"Uhh, I don't know! His money looks weird! Look at them, some weird faces of old people are on it." The voice from before whines…

"What, let me look at it…. Uhh, where the heck did he pop up from, I've never seen cash like that. It says United States of America on it, but it looks nothing like the bills they use from over there." The very first voice I heard then adds.

"Wow Mataro, how do you know that?" And yet another voice asks.

"Heh, what did you expect, I have connections kid, and of, Hey! I told you to call me boss you idiot!" The Mataro voice shouts.

(Ughh, loud little shits….)

With my eyes still closed, I move my hand towards my head with a groan.

"Oh shit! He's waking up! Bail bail bail!" One kid's voice shouts.

"Ye, yea!" Another responds. And after the sound of footsteps on the sand...

(Hmmm, silence….)

And, just as the beautiful silence was about to set, and take me away, I felt something weighing down on my chest…

And.

A very strong peck on my forehead…

"OWHATTHEFUCK!" I shout as I flail my arm, feeling it impact something, feathery.

Opening my eyes, I find myself looking at a rather vibrant blue sky…

"Ughh, the hell…." I groan as I lift myself to a sitting position. I then bring my left hand to my forehead, to find that it was still holding the vodka bottle…

"... I'm, never drinking again…" I groan as I throw the bottle towards the wide blue sea ahead of me.

"God, my head hurts…" I groan again as I bring both hands to my face…

After rubbing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I turn to look to my left, to find. A seagull. In a very awkward pose, its legs looking towards the sky, its body curved to a U shape, unmoving, other than the occasional twitch…

After blinking a couple of times, I turned to look straight towards the sea again and...

A highway. A very, tall highway, that extended towards the horizon…

"...The, crap? When did the government build this?"' I ask as I tilt my head.

"Uhh, yea, I'm definitely never drinking again...:" I groan as I get up with unsteady steps, my clothes being half dried and caked with salt, the other half being moist.

Overally, I don't think I ever felt more uncomfortable in my whole life…

"God, I should've at least grabbed a change of clothes before I got kicked outa my house…" I sigh as I tilt my head tap my ear.

"Hmm, maybe they didn't the locks yet, I sort of, didn't give all of my keys. So if I'm lucky, I might be able to get something…" I add as I take a deep breath.

"Yea, Ok let's do that. Return home, and…" I nod to myself and turn around…

"...What, the, fuck?…." Was all I said as I stared ahead.

"Ok, I know I drank a bit too much, but…." I whisper as I keep staring at the uphill road in the distance, or more correctly, the uphill mishmash of houses, all in various states of disrepair and seemingly stacked on top of each other…

"…" I just kept looking higher, and higher...and higher….

The buildings continued, and, and on. The land was seemingly a conic shape that became thinner the higher it went. All the while, the tall highway road was wrapping in circles around said mountain of houses, until it actually reached the top…

While keeping my eyes towards the top, I start moving towards the nearest set of stairs.

After leaving the sandy shore and climbing up the concrete stairs, I ended up on a narrow street that extended to my left and right, and ahead of me, on an uphill road, a brick paved road. And on that road, A sign that pointed straight ahead. The sign having the japanese words [Honnōji Academy] on it

"..." I blinked a couple of times, then rubbed my eyes, then looked at the sign again…

[Honnōji Academy]

"Ha, that's weird…" I chuckle as I shake my head, and turn to walk towards the brick road. Only to stop a few steps later. I narrow my eyes as I run back to the Japanese sign. Then read it again...

[Honnōji Academy]

"...Why, can I read Japanese? And why do I feel like I'm about to have the biggest nope of my life?..." I frown as I fold my arms...

And as I was staring at the sign…

-Whack!-

Something crashed right into my head, before falling right next to my feet…

"Ow what the f!..."I grab my head with one hand as I turn to look down, to find my wallet.

"Next time carry real cash with you, you damn hobo!" A kid's voice shouts. Turning towards the voice, I found that said kid was standing on the ceiling of one of the buildings next to me. A kid that looked a lot like….

"Ma, taro?" I groan as I stare at the kid.

"H,huh?! How do you know my name hobo?!" Mataro shouts back.

"...Nope….Nuh-uh. I'm not fucking doing this. Fuck it. I, am, out. I'm going back to sleep." I throw my arms in the air as I turn to head towards the beach I woke up at…

"Whatever! Weirdo!" Mataro shouts, and turns to run towards the opposite direction on the roof, disappearing from sight shortly after.

"I'm just, going to sit here. And wait. Until I wake up for real." I sigh as I sit on the sand.

"I have enough problems. Dreaming about a crazy mom that's trying to turn everybody into clothes, stripping guys with shining pink nipples, and girls beating up everybody while dressed up like hookers? Yea, I'm not doing this, I'll have enough of a headache after I wake up from my damn hangover. I don't need an extra one from a friggin fever dream." I groan as I lie down on the sand.

"Can I dream about something fun please? Like owning a fucking house?" I whined as I closed my eyes.

The calming sound of the waves being the only thing I could hear now. And the occasional seagull...

(IMPORTANT NOTE FROM MEH)

As seen in the summary, this story is not being updated atm. BUT. I already have like 10 chapters ready from when I had the time to write more than just one fic at a time.

I was going to ignore this fic until I finished my Highschool of the dead fanfic. But well, some peeps asked me to post whatever I got here. So, I'll do just that.