The Day Dylan, Bob Called My House
A/N: This chapter is dedicated to emo hair. Because it is sexy, no matter what Hannah says.
-hem hem- (as in Umbridge)
Okay. When last we saw our hero she was flying away on a broomstick belonging to the one Liir, whose sexuality is in question, but Hannah never really cared about that anyway. No, she did not care; however, Hannah discovered she did care about the heights.
"OH MY GOD!" she screamed, "LET ME DOWN!"
"No," cackled Liir in a maddeningly cackly sort of way.
She was scared. But then, miraculously something happened then made Hannah momentarily forget her fears. A bolt of lightning descended from the heavens and Bob Dylan's voice rang out. Actually it didn't because I now have nowhere to go with that, but it can stay in the story and just go nowhere.
Anyways back to the story. The lightning descended AND STRUCK LIIR, and Liir disappeared to be replaced by...SIRIUS BLACK!
Oh my god, thought Hannah, Oh My God. I have my arms around the sexiest fictional of character of all time. ALL FREAKING TIME!
Images of snogging him senseless danced through her head. Yes those images were certainly dancing and they were not just snogging. . . visions of the Philosophy Club returned once more, seeing as Hannah has a dirty mind that is quite deep in the gutter.
"Oh my god," Hannah whispered hoarsely and/or sensuously.
"Yeah, we are quite high up," he said, misinterpreting Hannah's innuendo.
"OH MY GOD!" screamed Hannah. It was unclear whether this was in fear or whether her fantasies had just gotten particularly intense, but the next minute she was screaming, "LET ME DOWN!"
"No," said Sirius laughing his extremely sexy laugh. It was a sexy laugh, really really very sexy. Like Conor Oberst's voice meets the color of Elijah Wood's eyes meets Johnny Depp's hair in pirates of the Caribbean. But Hannah would not be distracted.
"I'm serious, Black!" she yelled
"No," said Sirius. "I'm Sirius."
Hannah and Kaylee laughed because serious/Sirius jokes are ALWAYS funny. Always.
Now Hannah was laughing so hard at the serious/Sirius joke that she fell off the broom. And she fell and she fell and she fell and she landed... in Bob Dylan's arms.
But what about Sirius? You may ask. He will return. Fear not, brave fangirls. But right now Hannah is in Bob Dylan's arms.
"Hi," said Bob Dylan (his voice still rang out from the heavens).
-time freezes-
Jesus, do you know how long it took me to make that parenthesis? I kept typing 0 instead. What a pain in my ass. Okay anyways.
-time unfreezes-
"Hi," Hannah said back, "aren't you Bob Dylan?"
"No," said Bob Dylan, "that's not my real name, but I am."
"Uh..." said Hannah because Kaylee is not really clear on the point of this whole Bob Dylan isn't Bob Dylan thing.
"So," said Bob Dylan, "I tried to call your house yesterday but no one picked up."
Hannah was confused yesterday because caller ID said Dylan, Bob instead of Bob Dylan. She was also about to make a not-so-witty response to this when out of the sky swooped
SIRIUS! My hero. Except Sirius's name is not Yero, so it didn't rhyme and wasn't cool. What rhymes with Sirius? Delirious. Okay.
"Sirius!" Hannah screamed, "my delirious!"
-time freezes-
Okay there has to be a better word. What else rhymes with Sirius? Okay nothing. Forget it.
-time unfreezes-
Hannah did not scream Sirius's name followed by witty rhyme. She just fangirl screamed because I mean…wow, he's just so sexy, you know? Like… damn I need another good like. Sexy like...like emo hair meets my pole vaulting coach's ass meets…. okay I need one more… we can just tack Sufjan Stevens after orthodontia onto that other one.
-time freezes-
"Emo hair is not sexy freak," said an alternate Hannah.
"Are you kidding? Yeah it is."
"No it's not."
"We can replace that with eyeliner on guys."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"Sounds good."
-time freezes-
So Sirius was sexy like… eyeliner on guys meets my pole vaulting coach's ass meets Sufjan Stevens after orthodontia. THAT IS HOW SEXY SIRIUS WAS!
The images came out to do an encore.
Damn. That is some kind of sexy. So while Hannah was screaming Bob Dylan dropped her, and he pointed off into the distance and his voice rang out from the heavens, proclaiming:
"Oh my god, it's..."
