Chapter 7 – Two-Timing Monk

A/N To all my readers who are going to hunt me down and egg my house for this, I'm sorry. But I don't want to jump right back in with Kirara and Sango right now. Anyway, I'm still going on the alternating POV Kirara/Miroku, so I'm not going to break that. This is going to be some random filler chapter – Miroku POV – but I just don't think I should go right back into Kirara and Sango's dramatic story without some explanation of what's happening back in the clearing right now…

Disclaimer: Have I ever owned Inuyasha? No. Do I own Inuyasha now? No. Will I ever own Inuyasha? Not likely, damn it.

What happened in the clearing that day might have been the most awkward conversation in my life. I mean, people, let's just think about how this might have looked to Kagome, Inuyasha and Shippou –

First; Sango, probably one of the most calm and reasonable members of our group, starts screaming her head off in the middle of the night, then bursts into tears and runs out of the clearing without either the Hiraikotsu or Kirara, which is one of the seven signs of the apocalypse in itself. Then Kirara, who has recently been turned into a human, is found French-kissing Miroku and wearing his outer robe. And Miroku – the famous two-timing cheater of a monk – is found at his lowest point yet. He's kissing a cat. A friggin' cat. As I thought about it, one very important question finally came to mind –

Does Kirara get hairballs? Holy God, if I had slept with her, what would the kids have looked like? Oh, Buddha, no…Inuyasha is bad enough, I don't want to think about what it would be like if he was a cat…

It was Inuyasha who broke the silence – "So, Miroku, what happened about Sango being the only woman you loved? And about not having an affair?"

"I did not have an affair with her!" I yelled at him. It might have been the first time I'd ever really yelled at anybody in my life. "We were just kissing!"

"Yeah, and I'm Sesshoumaru's favorite brother." He drawled.

"Inuyasha, you're his only bro-" And then I got it. "Oh."

And if I thought the looks they were giving me before were bad, that was nothing compared to now. Kagome, Inuyasha and Shippou were looking at me as I was some one-celled bacteria. "You seriously didn't get that?" Kagome said slowly. Inuyasha looked like he was in danger of cardiac arrest, and Shippou had seriously fainted by now.

Then Kagome walked over to me and put her hand on my forehead. I won't lie – the first thing I thought was – Oooh! Maybe Kagome's feeling sorry that I lost both of my women and she's going to leave Inuyasha for me! Well, she's better than some damn cat, I'll tell you that…

"Miroku, I think you need to lay down or something." She said slowly. "Did you hit your head last night or something?" She was moving closer … here was my chance…

I groped her ass.

Wow. Kagome slaps hard. Man, that wasn't even like a normal slap. That was a bitch-slap. We went beyond normal slaps. You know, Kagome, when she's pissed, might even be scarier than Sango. I mean, the girl's dating Inuyasha, you have to be prepared to deal with his mood swings. But speaking of which, here was the following conversation…

Kagome: YOU GODDAMN PERVERT, I CANNOT BELIEVE I WAS CONCERNED ABOUT YOU, YOU CAN JUST GO TO HELL, WHAT, KIRARA AND SANGO WEREN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU, SO YOU WENT AFTER ME? YOU CAN GO TO HELL, YOU GODDAMN TWO-TIMING BASTARD!

Inuyasha: If I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, YOU KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF KAGOME, YOU CHEATING MONK!

Me: Sorry. In all the confusion, I forgot she was your woman. (I know how to piss him off my now – this was sure to direct the conversation away from me.)

Inuyasha: SHE IS NOT MY WOMAN, DAMN IT!

Kagome: NOT YOUR WOMAN! NOT YOUR GODDAMN WOMAN! INUYASHA, SIT! MIROKU, GO TO HELL! SHIPPOU, WAKE UP, DAMN IT!

Current status; Inuyasha – face planted. Kagome – fuming mad and gathering her bags to go back home. Shippou – out cold. I could swear he wet himself this time. And me? Steering away from their deathglares.

Man, I love you guys too. We have such a dynamic group.


Okay, I'm sorry for the filler chapter. But I don't like it if stories get too serious, so I added this completely random chapter. I just wish this would happen on the shows – it'd be hilarious! Anyway, if you want to egg my house, just please don't hit my tortoises! Next chapter will be back to Kirara and Sango, I promise! Arigatou!