[갑작스런 내 고백이]
-Workshop Day 2-
Throughout the night, I kept repeating the flirting coming from Namjoon, trying to figure out if it had been innocent or if a line had been crossed. I had always openly flirted with Namjoon. At the beginning of knowing the guys, I flirted with the entire hyung line, trying to get a reaction out of them. Yoongi and Jin were typically unbothered by it—brushing me off or swatting me away. I lost interest in flirting with them pretty quickly. Namjoon and Hoseok were the only ones who reacted to my ways. Namjoon would turn a glowing red and get incredibly shy. Hoseok would giggle and blush but would play along and flirt back.
However, Namjoon never flirted back. Last night had been a first. The dragon look in his eyes had felt like a seduction.
And instead of feeling odd about my best friend putting the moves on me, I felt excitement. It was one thing for this to be a one-sided crush but if Namjoon's feelings towards me were more than friendly, it changed everything.
The alarm I had set up went off. I stopped it quickly before it could wake Namjoon. I had gotten little sleep, despite the melatonin. And judging by the noises coming from Namjoon's room across the hall last night, it seemed he hadn't gotten much sleep either.
After tidying my bed, I gathered my things for my shower, careful not to make too much noise. As I exited my room, I heard a soft snore coming from the other room. Good. He was sleeping.
My shower was quick and quiet. I had three hours to spare before the workshop. I had too much energy so I figured I could spend it cooking everyone breakfast. I put on some sweatpants, a long sleeve, and a beanie since I knew it was going to be cold today.
I posted a note on my closed door for Namjoon, letting him know my early whereabouts. Making sure I put on my jacket, I headed towards the main house.
Upon stepping outside, a gush of wind made my beanie almost sail away. I tugged it tighter around my wet hair. The storm was getting closer, but the forecast assured it wasn't anything to worry about. We just had to take precautions. I ran to the big house, trying to get out of this wind and coldness.
I reached the front door of the main house at record speed. And after entering, I was welcomed with tender warmth. Jungkook must have turned on the ondol before going to bed.
I made my way into the kitchen and was not surprised by the silence that greeted me. It was a good thing Jungkook was the only one sleeping here. He was the world's heaviest sleeper so he wouldn't hear any noise—no matter how loud—I would make.
I crossed the kitchen and checked the bed up on the balcony, ensuring Jungkook was fast asleep—he was. I could tell by the light snores coming from the mountain of blankets on top of the bed. I put on my earphones and played music as I worked. I prepped the veggies, started the rice cooker, turned on the coffee pot, and began to cook, making sure to be as quiet as I could.
Eventually, the aromatics must have made their way to House B because halfway into cooking, Yoongi entered through the back door.
"Good morning," he greeted with a rough voice, his eyes groggy but focused on the ingredients I had on the counter.
I turned off my music and greeted him. "Coffee is ready. It's decaf. If you want juice, it's in the refrigerator or I can make a smoothy."
He nodded his head in approval. "I'll have coffee. Thank you. What do you need help with?" he asked as he washed his hands and looked towards the stove. "Are you making dakjuk?"
"Yeah. It's going to be a cold day. I thought it would be good comfort food. I'm also preparing gyeran bap."
Yoongi inspected my work and gave another approving nod.
During the beginning of the pandemic, I spent a lot of time with Yoongi in the kitchen. With little work to do, I easily got bored. Yoongi, knowing I had an interest in perfecting Korean dishes, offered to teach me. Jin had also taught me a couple of things, but I preferred learning from Yoongi. Jin's food tended to feel more like fine dining—delicious and extravagant. Yoongi's felt homey—warm and cozy. Something made solely out of love and adoration.
As Yoongi and I cooked side by side, Jin's nose also brought him to the main house.
It didn't take long before the two of them fully took over and brushed me away from the stove. I was a decent cook, but I coulnd't hold a candle to the pair; I didn't mind stepping away. As the guys took over breakfast, I worked on the smoothies, knowing some of the guys were on a diet for the concerts coming up.
"Smells good," came a rough and mumbled voice from above.
I walked to the dining table and looked up to the balcony, catching Jungkook's sleepy face.
"Need help?" he was barely audible by the big yawn that came out.
"We got it. We'll let you know once it's ready," Jin said sweetly. "Go back to sleep."
Jungkook didn't need to be told twice. He disappeared back inside his covers.
I went back to the smoothies, smiling at what I had just witnessed. Yoongi looked confused about my smile. "Kooki's cute," I explained.
Yoongi had witnessed his youngest brother's adorable morning state many times, he looked indifferent. "It's not too cute when it takes hours to wake him."
Jin and Yoongi began to share stories of their struggles with having to wake up Jungkook.
We were near finishing when I heard the front door open. Only one person other than myself would use the front door rather than the back sliding door.
"Morning," I greeted as I saw Namjoon enter the kitchen.
His dark, grey hair was a mess and only one of his eyes was opened. He looked dead tired. "Good morning," I think he said. His voice was too rough to hear clearly.
I had never seen him in this state. "Didn't get enough sleep?"
His lips were pouty. "It was a long night."
His voice was too low and rough, I had to really listen in to fully understand him. But it sounded kind of hot.
"Why weren't you able to sleep?" I asked, concerned…but also wanting to continue hearing this tone in his voice.
He mumbled something, but I didn't quite hear the last part.
"What?" I asked, getting closer to him.
He shook his head slightly, irritated at himself. "My voice is bad. Little sleep." He walked over to where the water was and poured himself a glass.
I instinctually followed. "Perfectly fine." I waited for him to be in the middle of gulping water before I said the next thing. "You sound kind of sexy." I put on my flirty voice when I said this and scooted closer to him, bumping him with my hip.
He stopped drinking and began to cough, water spilling out.
He was too easy. His face turned a slight shade of red embarrassment.
Last night had thrown me for a loop and confused the hell out of me, but I wanted to continue being playful with him.
He shook his head. "You like to watch me struggle." He let out a cough, but smiled, nonetheless.
"No, I mean it: you sound sexy. Why would I lie?" I looked him right in the eye. All jokes aside, I wanted him to know that he was attractive despite him not thinking of himself as such.
Before he had a chance to answer, Jin called out his name.
We both turned, equally surprised. We had forgotten we weren't alone.
"If the two of you could take a pause in the flirting, could you please see if the others are awake? Breakfast is almost ready."
Yoongi let out a loud chuckle as he turned off the stove.
Namjoon turned a slight shade of pink but obeyed his hyung and left to wake the others.
"Jungwah!" Jin called out to the youngest.
"Ah," came a muffled noise from upstairs.
"Food!"
"Mmmmm."
Jin, Yoongi, and I placed the food at the table so everyone could serve themselves. Jungkook stumbled down the staircase.
Namjoon appeared a few minutes later with the remainder of his brothers.
The eight of us enjoyed a nice, short breakfast. The talk was small and mostly centered on the work for today and what would be having for lunch and dinner. I swear, these boys could eat a whole cow and still think about their next meal.
An hour before work was to resume, I excused myself, and let the guys know I still needed to prepare. As I got up to leave, I felt my head was a little warm, so I took off my beanie.
"Maya!" Namjoon's alert sound made me worried.
He looked almost horrified as he looked at my head, and I began to touch it. Was there something on me? "What?"
"Did you come here right after showering? And you're about to step out in the cold again with wet hair?"
I let out a groan of annoyance. "I don't know how even after this pandemic you still believe in that old wife's tale. Colds are viruses that are caught from other people—not your skull."
"Are you insulting my ancestors' methods?" He was trying to be playful, but I could tell he was irritated with me.
I used the same playful tone. "Namjoon, I'm going to call your mother and demand to see that IQ score myself—I question its validity a lot of times. The silly things you think of…."
"Hey, it's not silly," Hobi interfered. "You could get sick if you go out in the cold after showering."
We had had this argument before. Last year around wintertime, I got scolded by all of them multiple times when they saw me with wet hair. I was good at biting my tongue with the older women in my family who still went through life believing in old health methods, but these guys were my age. I couldn't let it go.
"Here," Namjoon said, taking off his thick and heavy jacket.
"I don't think—" I began to argue.
He shut me up by throwing the jacket on top of me, the impact making me stumble backward.
The guys let out a laugh, watching me almost fall.
"Kim Namjoon be careful! She's small!" Yoongi scolded.
I felt warm hands keeping me steady, the heavy jacket coming off me. Namjoon's sweet dimples were the first thing I saw. He let out a nervous laugh. "Sorry."
I smacked his arm. "The insult did not warrant an assault. Use your words, man."
He let out a laugh but then placed the jacket on me again, this time more gently. But then he turned me around roughly, shoving me towards the door.
"You're lucky I like it rough," I shot at him, shooting him a coy smile.
A combination of hoots, laughter, and groans erupted from the kitchen table as I walked out.
It was past lunchtime when the workshop ended. We managed to create two verses and a chorus from the music I had composed. With some tuning, I could see potential in the song. Still feeling enough energy, I decided to start a small meal for everyone.
We had a three-hour break before the next workshop started. Everyone used their break differently. Some went to their rooms to unwind, others went to the gym, Yoongi and Jin came to assist in the cooking, and Tae watched us.
Like this morning, I started lunch, but they finished it. I took on a less complex dish: a salad. After prepping the salad, I started on the vinaigrette. I saw the back sliding door open and Hobi enter, his phone in hand. I was positive he had been talking to his girlfriend.
"What are you making, noona?" came Jimin's voice. He had just come out of the gym with Namjoon behind him. Jimin took a seat on a stool and watched me work.
"Salad," I said.
Jimin made a face as I heard Namjoon let out a groan.
"Isn't this supposed to be a place to relax?" asked Hobi with a teasing smile, closing his phone.
"No one wants a salad," Namjoon voiced at the same time, shaking his head.
I felt betrayed by my two best friends. The jerks. I made a face pretending to be offended.
Yoongi went on cooking, paying no one any mind.
Thankfully, I had at least two allies.
Jin was the first to speak up, "It will be a good balance for the meal. We have a concert coming up. We're supposed to be watching what we eat. This is no time off."
Tae walked over next to me with a beautifully kind look on his face. "I like noona's salads. She makes the best ones. Always flavorful—you wouldn't even know it was healthy," he said, looking directly at Namjoon and Jimin with a chiding look for having spoken rudely to me.
Finally, Yoongi said something. "He's right. She makes really good salads."
Jin gave a small snort. "I mean, it's really not hard to make a salad," Jin countered.
I snapped my head towards him, my knife at the ready.
Tae also turned to Jin, looking dismayed.
Jin began to laugh at our overreactions.
Tae continued being Tae. "I am disappointed in you, hyung. Where are your manners?"
Jin continued laughing but he bowed his head comically at me and apologized.
I put down my knife but made a motion as if I was about to throw a punch at him.
Tae held me back comically.
There was laughter in the room.
I could hear Jungkook's enthusiasm enter the room. "Fight! Fight! Fight!"
Jin put up his arms in front of him, pretending he was ready to box. "Come at me, bro."
I sent a kick in the air in his direction.
"There's no need to be violent, Mayahuel," Namjoon said to me.
My "violence" turned to Namjoon at hearing my full first name come out of his mouth.
Taehyung made a hissing sound and shook his head. He knew it had been a bad move by his hyung.
"What did you just call me?" I demanded.
Hobi was laughing at Namjoon. "Namjoonie, run!"
I dashed towards Namjoon and he took Hobi's advice and ran.
He went towards the back of the couch and I followed.
Namjoon and I went around the living room a couple of times. He was too big to navigate through the living room swiftly and not a fast runner either. Thankfully, I was smaller and had long legs. I jumped over the coffee table with ease.
Namjoon looked a little shocked at how fast I got to him.
I rammed my body into him—bless him, he entertained me—and let his body fall onto the couch. While I was short and somewhat athletic—I boxed, hiked, and biked—Namjoon could totally snap me like a twig. If he had wanted to, he could have caught me mid-air and swung me over his shoulder quite easily.
The image immediately popped in my brain, followed by him tossing me onto a bed and him crawling over my body—with those dragon eyes he had yesterday. I could picture his muscular arms trapping me beneath him.
I tried to brush away the fantasy, but goddamn it, did it feel good to imagine it.
A noise sounding like a groan took me away from my thoughts and I remembered I was now on top of Namjoon on the couch. I had my arms around his back. I didn't want to feel awkward, so I quickly let go and began to fake punch him. Yes, this is the kind of thing best friends did. They beat each other up. It didn't look awkward at all…I hoped.
"Hey!" Namjoon exclaimed then grabbed me by the waist. Those hands of his felt warm on me even though I had a sweater on.
The next thing I knew, Namjoon had taken hold of my hand and trapped my lower body between his thighs. He sat up and maneuvered me underneath him. He was literally straddling me. Shit, my thoughts went into overdrive at seeing him like this.
But then he started to tickle me and my dirty thoughts were gone. I was too busy trying to catch my breath and get out of his reach.
"Na-joo," I managed to let out. "Gerroff!"
But he didn't. He kept going, laughing at my torture.
I kicked the air, not being able to reach high enough to kick him off me. He had me pinned down very well. Suddenly, I felt skin on skin. His fingers had gone underneath my sweater and were now on my bare stomach.
Everything went still. His fingers, my breathing, time. He had realized I was naked underneath this sweater—well, I had a bra on but no shirt. Our eyes met one another but we said nothing. I don't know how long we stayed like that, staring at each other. But all the emotions I had been feeling for him lately became more intense. And the suspicion that he might like me too was now more evidently true. Why would he look just as shocked as I felt? Why would his fingers stay lingering above my belly button, making the tiniest circles on my skin? I was positive he was feeling my fingers against the back of his arms, digging into him.
I suddenly heard a gasp coming from somewhere and I remembered where we were. I made a fake laugh as if we were still playing around and pushed Namjoon off me. I really didn't want us to have an audience for this moment.
Namjoon hadn't anticipated my move, so he naturally fell to the floor with a thud.
I gave him a light kick. He had snapped out of it as well and now pretended to be wounded as he let out a wail.
"And don't call me by my full name again," I warned. I kicked him again.
I was anticipating having six pairs of eyes on us when I turned around. What I hadn't foreseen had been the Cheshire smiles. I now understood it all. They knew. They all knew. And had never tried hiding it. I was just too stupid to see it—or too in denial.
Hobi was closest to me, so I took out my irritation mostly on him. "What?" I smacked him in the arm and began to head back to my salad.
I didn't want any of them to answer, but it had been an instinctual reaction on my part.
All of them, though, felt compelled to answer. I received different answers.
"Are you mad because we interrupted?"
"Did you guys want us to leave the room?"
"Don't mind us—continue on."
"Noona, you looked comfortable on top of Namjoonie-hyung."
"What's going on in that house?"
"What's going on between the two of you?"
Before either Namjoon or I could tell them to fuck off, there was a rattle on the front door. Hobi and Jin didn't disappoint when they jumped back as if they were in a horror movie.
We all turned to the front door and heard the noise again.
"Must be Hyowon," Namjoon said as he hurried to answer the door.
A few seconds later, we could hear voices coming from the entrance and saw Pdogg make his way to the living room. He had arrived for the workshop that was taking place in a few hours.
We all exchanged pleasantries and offered him a drink. No more than ten minutes later, the food was ready and we all gathered around the table and island.
I was grateful Pdogg had arrived when he did and that the guys didn't bring up in front of him any teasing towards myself and Namjoon. Of course, they weren't going to allow anyone outside of us to think there was something going on between one of their members and me. They might be little shits but they were also respectful and cautious.
During the meal, I found myself stealing little glances at Namjoon, trying to get a feel of how he felt about what had happened and if my suspicions of him having a crush on me were valid. In more than a handful of times, I caught his eye, and rather than look away in embarrassment, he would send me a smirk.
I needed a drink.
The workshop went fine. All of us were professionals and worked hard on the song.
Before the workshop, we had put some meat in the oven for slow cook and it was nice and ready for us when we were done. Hyunseo was tired after the long drive, hard work, and heavy meal. He wanted enough rest before tomorrow morning's workshop.
Once Pdogg left, Yoongi went to the alcohol. "Who wants makgeolli?" asked Yoongi as he took out the bottle and then some small, shallow bowls.
All of us made our way to the third oldest.
"Is there soju?" asked Taehyung.
Yoongi took out five different bottles, allowing Tae to choose which he wanted to drink.
"I'll have soju, too." While makgeolli was one of my favorites, I wanted something to kick the edge. I had a feeling the guys were going to bring up what happened between me and Namjoon and I wanted to have enough alcohol in me to not take it so seriously.
We all gathered around the living room and had several rounds of drinks while we played karaoke and board games. Once we got tired of physical activity, we relaxed around the table, feeling exhausted from the long day.
Eventually, the talk led to questions of confessions. This is what typically occurred when we had way too many drinks. Because the guys knew most of each other's secrets, they gained up on me. Over the years, the closer we became, they saw me more as an equal instead of an older sister they had to show full respect to, which was why their questions became more forward.
"Be honest Maya; is there one of us you ever had a crush on?" Yoongi gave me a flirty smile as he looked at me and then let his eyes wander towards Namjoon.
I knew where the little shit was doing, but I was going to make sure he regretted asking me the question. "Do you really want to know?"
"Yes!" came from several of the guys, Yoongi being the loudest.
Namjoon was to the right of me. He hadn't been one of the ones who answered, but I could tell from the corner of my eye his full attention was on me. His makgeolli was sitting on the table, not having been touched in a while. He was ensuring he didn't get drunk.
I took another sip of the soju. "I've had sex dreams of one of you guys for some years."
I was sure Hyunseo heard the commotion coming from these men.
"Is it hot sex? Or sad sex?" Tae asked eagerly.
I could feel Namjoon's body tense up a little.
Thankfully, the soju was keeping me relaxed. "Typically, it's angry sex. But it's not really him I'm having sex with but his stage persona."
"Oh! Can I guess?!" Jimin looked like he was in school with his hand raised in excitement.
I nodded.
"Yoongi-hyung?"
Yoongi made a sound of disgust while the rest became quiet as they waited for my answer.
I nodded.
The cheers and laughter could probably be heard by the entire neighborhood now. Yoongi's disgust was probably the loudest.
He looked so uncomfortable. "Why would you admit that?!"
My sides hurt from laughing so hard. "You—asked," I barely let out.
"No, no, no! I asked if you had a crush on one of us! I did not want to hear about your filthy dreams!"
His annoyance only made us laugh harder.
"So you liked him once?" asked Jin, wanting Yoongi to continue feeling uncomfortable.
I shook my head no. "No, never. His Agust D persona would just pop up in my dreams. He looks really fucking hot when he looks pissed and sticks his tongue out. And when Deachwita was released…I think I woke up in sweats for a week."
As I said all of this, I ignored Suga's pleading hajimas.
"You didn't know this, Hobi?" asked Jimin.
Hobi shook his head. "I don't ask her these questions."
Jimin then turned to Namjoon. "Namjoona, did you know?"
He wasn't laughing as hard as the others, but he was grinning ear to ear with a certain glint in his eyes. He gave a nod to Jimin. "She told me a couple of weeks after Daechwita was released. Anytime Suga pokes his tongue against his cheek, she's reminded of it. She said in the dream he would—"
He didn't get to finish it because Yoongi had thrown one of the pillows at his face. "I don't want to play this game anymore! The night is over."
He started to usher everyone out of the living room.
"Oh, stop being such a square," I said as he pushed me towards the front door. "I'm the one who had the wet dreams. I can't even see that music video without—"
"Out! Or I will not cook anymore!" He opened the door and gave one last shove.
I was now standing in the windy outdoors. The storm had picked up and the rain was going to start shortly, judging by the moister in the wind.
Yoongi grabbed Namjoon by the sweater and shoved him outside after me. "You both leave. Go have a make-out session or dry hump. Do something to get that image out of your minds so that dream stops. Eck!"
The door was slammed quite ferociously behind Namjoon.
While it was all comical, the cold wind was making me prioritize my state of being. Namjoon and I hurried over to the house. It wasn't until we were safely inside that we were in a fit of laughter. I clutched my stomach once the cramps got too intense. Namjoon had to clutch a chair to keep from falling.
"We're never going to tell him it was Cici who had those dreams," I said in between my laughter.
This only caused Namjoon to start developing tears. All he could do was nod in agreement.
The truth was I had never had dirty dreams of Yoongi; it had been my former group member who had admitted to me her filthy fantasies of Yoongi. For years, I kept the secret, but I finally couldn't hold it and admitted this to Namjoon shortly after Daechwita was released. We had laughed as hard then as we were now.
We slowly started to calm ourselves down as we made our way inside the back house.
Namjoon wiped away the tears coming down his eyes. "You're an evil woman."
I walked over to the kitchen and got some water. "He's going ignore me all of tomorrow. He might not serve me any alcohol for the rest of our stay here," I said with a pout. I wasn't a drunk, but I loved having a good drink every now and then. It would suck if I couldn't have another sip again during the stay.
"It's a good thing I brought these," Namjoon said as he placed down two sojus.
I felt an elated joy had taken over. I reached for one of the bottles and drank from it. As soon as I got a sweet taste of it, the words just slipped out of my mouth. "I love you."
There was a moment of stillness.
It wasn't as if it was the first time I had uttered these words to him. I had said them to him a handful of times in different situations throughout the years: when each of us had been low, after receiving a memorable gift from him, while teasing each other, departing from each other physically, and numerous times through text and letters. But all those times were before I realized my emotions for him had developed into something more intense.
It was difficult to believe the last 24 hours had changed things so much. My feelings for him were growing. It wasn't a crush anymore. It was something richer now—more intense.
And judging by the dragon eyes looking down at me, it seemed I wasn't alone in this.
I could feel a slight panic creeping its way.
"Mai?" His deep and soothing voice brought goosebumps.
"Mmm?" I asked, taking another sip of the soju. I didn't trust myself to turn to him just yet.
"We need to talk." He was closer.
I took a breath, bracing myself. "Ok," I breathed out.
"Let's sit first." He took a step back and motioned towards the living area. The kitchen table and island were covered with each of our work materials, we would have to move elsewhere.
Before taking a step forward, he took the soju from my hand and replaced it with a glass of water. I frowned at the action.
"I'd rather both of us be sober for this if you don't mind," he said softly.
I nodded and walked over to the living room with water in hand. I took the corner seat of the long couch, sitting with both my legs crossed.
He took a seat on the other end and let out a shaky breath. He rubbed his hands together, a habit he did when overthinking or nervous. It was noticing his nerves that gave me the courage to want to look him in the eye. I didn't want my nerves to make things more uncomfortable for him. But as my eyes landed on his face, I noticed he wasn't looking at me, but his own unsteady hands. I instantly brushed away my own worries and focused on him.
I took one of his hands between my own two, hoping to calm him.
His head came up, an unease look on his face.
It was my awareness kicking in again. I knew what he was feeling. Whether it was because of his touch or the look on his face or the energy radiating from him, I don't know, but I knew. He had figured it out before I had—how long ago, I had no idea. But that didn't matter at this very moment. What mattered was for us to openly acknowledge it.
"So last night we crossed a line," he started off. "At first, I thought it was just teasing, but…clearly it was flirting. Legit flirting."
I nodded.
"And then this morning—all day long—there have been looks and more flirting." As he said this, I thought of the small moments where we did steal glances, touched each other for no good reason, and consistently stayed in close proximity. The massage, the couch, the moment alone here last night in the kitchen. "Something has changed between us," he repeated. "I thought it was only me who felt this…but I can now see you feel it, too."
There was a silence before I spoke, mostly because I wanted to be sure I worded my thoughts right and partly because I was scared of how badly this could ruin our friendship. "I thought if I kept it quiet, maybe it would pass, but it's only intensifying," I said, never feeling more exposed than I did now. I had been open with him before about my private thoughts and emotions. He may be the person I trusted more than anyone but allowing myself to be vulnerable was always going to make me feel uncomfortable. "I've had a crush for a long time but it's always come in waves. It's never intense or lasts long. But this time it's different. It's not going away and it's getting deeper." I held his eyes and said the words I had been needing to for a while. "I really like you. And it's kind of scaring me."
There was a silence between us as my words hung in the air. I could feel so many emotions radiating from the two of us—I wasn't sure who was feeling what, but the emotions were strong enough to make us stay still for a moment. We needed to gather our thoughts for a bit.
It was Namjoon who was more put together before I was. He scooted closer, our knees now touching. I felt his hand on my cheek and his finger brushing something wet off me—I had been crying. His cocoa eyes held mine for a moment before he spoke, "I don't know if it was because I was being a coward or thought it was a phase, but once I knew I liked you more than a friend, I hid it. The guys picked up on it, but I would dodge the question or deny it because I didn't think you felt the same. I didn't want to ruin the friendship, so I shut my mouth. But now…"
There was another long pause. We remained seated, holding hands.
"Now what?" I finally asked.
His thumb began making circles around the top of my hand. "Depends entirely on you. What do you want?"
Things were a little too heavy for a little too long. I was taking this seriously, but I also wanted to lighten the mood. It was in my nature. "I want to kiss. A lot."
His dimples emerged. "And after that?"
"I'm not opposed to doing what Yoongi suggested," I said brazenly but made sure there was a hint of teasing in my voice.
He chuckled. "Making out or dry humping?"
"Yes," I answered.
"To what? Making out or dry humping?" He asked again.
"Yes," I repeated.
"Which one?" He let out a laugh.
"Yes!"
"Which one are you saying 'yes' to?!"
"Yes!"
He then understood what I was saying. He was so slow sometimes. "'Yes' to both?"
"Yes! God, you're dumb."
He lunged at my stomach before I could react, tickling me as I fell on my back trying to wiggle away.
The picture was the same as earlier, except for one key difference. No one else was present to interrupt us.
I struggled with pushing him off me as I lay under his massive body. He had overpowered me and I couldn't move my legs. I placed my hands against his chest and gave him light slaps.
The light in the room allowed me a full view of Namjoon's facial features. His smiling eyes, his deep dimples, and his full, inviting lips. Fuck, he was tempting.
And then my body reacted. The craving was too powerful. My fingers wrapped around his shirt and I tugged, pulling him down to me.
His body reacted to mine. One of his hands was placed next to my head on the couch, steading himself so he wouldn't crush me—not that I would mind his weight on me. His other hand wrapped on my neck, his thumb rubbing my cheek. His thick lips came closer.
It must have been hours since he had applied his cologne, but I still got a scent of the smokey and leather fragrance. His natural fresh, woodsy scent mixed well with the cologne. Not to mention the muskiness he had accumulated throughout the day. I had always been aware of Namjoon's scent but not in this proximity. It was a little intoxicating.
I reached up, filling the gap that separated us. His lips were ready for mine.
A low groan came from behind his Adam's apple. My hands lifted from his shirt and climbed to his neck, pulling him closer to me, begging to hear that sound again.
I felt his tongue brush my lower lip lightly and then moved up, parting my lips. As soon as my mouth opened, I let out a gasp. I could taste the tangy and woody spice flavor of the makgeolli he had been drinking earlier. It felt amazing on his lips.
My fingers came to his scalp and I pulled him even closer, quickly noting how I enjoyed his heavy weight on me.
Sadly, his body didn't agree and he began to pull away. I was sure he was worried about crushing me. But I couldn't give two shits. He could crush me—I'm sure I'd enjoy every bit of it. My body instantly missed him and tried to keep him where he was. My arms wrapped around his shoulders and my neck stretched up. Unfortunately, he was stronger and managed to pull his body straight up. His breathing was heavy, his face looked flushed.
I sat up as well and I was sure I looked just as disheveled as he did.
It took a while for the two of us to steady our breathing.
I was the first to speak. "I don't know if it's the soju or the kiss, but I'm glad I was on the couch for that. Otherwise, I probably would have fallen from the dizziness."
A smile tugged at his lips. "This is why I wanted you to get some water in you. I did not want our first kiss to be a drunk one."
"Is that why you always kept me from getting too drunk? Were you hoping every time we were together it would lead to this?" I gave him a flirtatious smile.
"That was a part of it," he answered honestly. He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine again. It was a different kiss than the other one, sweeter but equally consuming.
When he pulled away, I let out a little whine. "Do your lips have to taste so good? I've told you before I'm a sucker for the big, juicy ones." I reached up to give him another peck, unable to contain myself. It was strange how I was finding this so easy to do.
His fingers wrapped around my hair. "Serves you right for having this hair. Every time I see it, I want to wrap my fingers around it."
I frowned. "You said you preferred straight hair."
"That was before I started liking you. Now, my type is someone with mocha skin, curly hair, and legs I want to climb on." He leaned over and brushed his lips lightly against the crook of my neck.
I felt my face flush in embarrassment. While I felt comfortable taking compliments on my looks (I had been in the public eye for almost half my life), it was always different when I heard a compliment from Namjoon. Whether the comment was on my looks or my talents, praise from Namjoon felt more intimate. It was the way he held eye contact when he said it. Those cocoa irises always held honesty, which made his words more convincing. It was the writer in him, I think, that made everything he said poetically. And the songwriter in me was a sucker for it.
"I apologize if my words are a little too much." He took my silence and look to think he was making me feel uncomfortable.
I shook my head. "It's not that. It's that…it's going to take some getting used to. I've heard it from others about how I look, but not from you. It's a bit strange…but I like it. Just have to get used to it."
We continued talking way into the night, a few pecks were stolen here and there. There was a little cuddling, but nothing too steamy. I knew how Namjoon worked. He was a true Korean man in the sense that he liked to take things slow—he was a gentleman. He wasn't the type to wait long months before sleeping with a girl, but I would be lucky if he caved before we left the soop. I had always been the type to be ready to jump into bed after a few dates. This was going to be quite different than what I was used to. And I imagined he felt the same.
After learning it was past 2AM, we decided to head to bed. We had another long day ahead of us with two long workshops. I still had some planning to do and knew I had to show up for breakfast to keep the guys from gossiping.
"So, how are we going to handle this with the guys tomorrow?" I asked as we climbed the stairs to get to our bedrooms.
"How do you want to handle it?" he asked, giving me the opportunity to voice my thoughts.
"They're your brothers. I'll follow your lead." We came to the front of my room. I really didn't care if the guys found out during this trip or not. I knew by the time we left we would be telling them. I found it highly unlikely for us to keep this secret for longer than a week.
Namjoon thought for a moment. "I think we should focus on the songwriting. We have a lot of work to do. I know once we tell them, it'll be nonstop teasing."
I nodded. "They're little gossip queens, for sure."
"I say we bring it up right before we leave." He reached over, his hand going into my hair once again while his thumb caressed my cheek. "If that's ok with you."
I nodded.
He leaned down, claiming my lips again.
Being completely barefoot only made me shorter than this tall, gorgeous man. I had to go on full tiptoes to reach his lips. "I preferred the couch." I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to keep him from getting away from my reach.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up. "This feels good to me." He brushed his lips against mine once more.
After several more pecks, he placed me back on the ground and we said our goodnights.
I went over to the bed, an intense amount of different emotions going through me. What the hell was happening?
