Warning/spoilers: light grinding (a brief Rated M moment, but nothing too much...)
Background Note: In 2020, during BTS's online concert, Maya made a surprise appearance and performed a song with the group. The performance was a highlight moment for the fans. Towards the end of the chapter, this will be relevant.
9: Collide the Spaces That Divide Us
Background Note: Because Maya has known the group since 2014, she is greatly liked by ARMY. In this AU, in J-Hope's "Chicken Noodle Soup", she was the one featured on the track rather than Becky G. In 2020, during BTS's online concert, she made a surprise appearance and performed a song with the group. The performance was a highlight moment for the fans. Towards the end of the chapter, this will be relevant.
-Workshop Day Three-
I felt like a teenager when I woke up. I couldn't remember the last time I felt this giddy. Despite getting only a few hours' sleep, I was excited for the day.
As I quickly made my bed in the early morning, I thought about Namjoon and I skipping breakfast and spending the morning together alone. Last night on the couch had consisted of more kisses than words—there was a lot to discuss. If we missed breakfast, we could dedicate our morning to talking like adults rather than kissing like teenagers. But then I remembered we had friends who were total gossips. If we skipped breakfast, one of them was bound to pay us a visit and might catch us in a compromising situation.
I took a quick shower and headed downstairs, thinking I would wait for Namjoon to wake up to see what he thought would be best to do. As I waited for him, I decided to work on Proposal—the song I had begun to create on Night One. It was a working title—I had only named it that temporarily. My tools were still on the kitchen table, so all I had to do was turn on my computer and put on my headphones.
For the next thirty minutes, I played around with the lyrics, unsure of what this melody was trying to get out. This happened sometimes with songs. A melody would come and it took a while to find the words for it. I managed to create chords for what I thought might be the chorus but still had no luck with the words.
I began to go over my emotions from last night. And some words I told Namjoon immediately made their way to my consciousness. "I really like you. And it's kind of scaring me."
It was the truth: while I was excited to know the crush was being reciprocated, I still very much was scared of it. I didn't know why and knew it was something I needed to figure out. 48 hours ago, I thought that fear was embedded in believing Namjoon didn't like me that way in return. But after learning he did in fact like me back, I couldn't shake off this fear. Was it about losing the friendship? Was I worried about Namjoon changing his mind?
The melody repeated over and over in my head as I thought of my concerns.
Then, a feeling of maybe having found the lyrics came over. I hit record.
"I've been thinking a lot about the way that people change. The most beautiful beginnings go up in flames. It's inevitable and that's what's got me so afraid. I'd rather be alone."
I hummed for several seconds after, still unsure of what came next. And as I hummed, a few more lines came out as I played the maybe-chorus, "I'm in over my head, feeling confused. I'm losing my mind, don't know what to do."
For a few more minutes, I played what I created, all the while recording. After saving my work, my phone vibrated. The name 'Lovely' came up on display.
All the guys were put into my phone with different names. I was too paranoid that someone would see their real names on my screen and a scandal would arise from it, so I took precautions.
I answered it before it could ring a third time. "Good morning, cutie."
"Noona, could you come help me?" Jimin pouted on the other end of the phone.
"What is it?"
"I'm not quite sure about this worksheet."
"I'll be right over," I said without a second thought.
"Thank you."
I hung up and gathered a couple of things. Jimin was leading the workshop today. I had been assisting him on it for the last few weeks. He had a great plan and ideas, but he kept doubting himself. I should have figured he was going to need some support this morning. I wrote a quick note for Namjoon, feeling disheartened that we weren't going to spend the morning alone.
With my bag over my shoulder, I placed the note on top of his laptop and headed out.
Once outside, a chill hit me. The wind was more powerful than before and there was rain this time—the storm was getting closer. Closing the door quickly, I rushed to the main house and was grateful to see it unlocked. Jimin was on the other side as I entered.
He looked at me with concern. "That was quick. Where's your jacket?"
I closed the door and looked down at my outfit. Damn. I had forgotten my jacket. No wonder I had felt pretty damn cold…and drenched.
Jimin let out a sound of disappointment. "Ah, noona. Let's get you a blanket."
He rushed over to the living room and I followed. "It's ok. It's warm in here."
He didn't listen, of course. He took a small blanket from the couch, wrapping it around my shoulders. "Coffee is made. Do you want some?"
I nodded and began to head toward the kitchen.
His hand on my arm stopped me from moving. "I'll get it. You sit on the couch and get warm." Jimin hurried over to the kitchen where Yoongi and Jin were cooking breakfast.
"Get her some tea, Jimin," Yoongi said as he stirred something on the stove.
"Hmmm?" Jimin asked as he grabbed a mug, not having heard.
"Make her tea," Yoongi said slowly and with emphasis. "She's shivering. She likes it with extra honey and lemon." He took out a lemon from the fruit basket on the counter and cut it in half. "Here." He handed it to Jimin.
"What kind of tea?" asked Jimin as he made his way to the kettle.
"Ginger," Jin suggested and handed Jimin a packet.
Jimin took it and began to prepare the tea.
"I'm ok. I was outside for 30 seconds," I said loud enough for all three to hear, but they all ignored me.
Before I could say anything else, Hobi came to my side and pushed me to the couch. "Sit down."
For the next few minutes, the guys treated me like a sick child. I knew they meant well, so I put up with it, knowing there was no use in arguing. Not when it was 4 against 1.
After my tea was made, Jimin and I sat at the dining table, eating breakfast, and going over his notes. We were close to finishing up when there was a rattle at the back door. Jin, who was closest, opened it to allow Namjoon inside.
Sporting a black jacket, baggy pants, and a black baseball cap, he looked fucking good. Once fully inside, his warm eyes scanned the room until they met with mine. The dents on his cheeks made my heart flutter.
He made his way to the dining table, stopping next to my seat and hovering over me.
My eyes focused on his full, pink lips as he bent towards me; I straightened up, preparing myself for the morning kiss I had been craving since last night.
But he stopped midway and wrapped something around my shoulders. Lost, I looked down to find a jacket around my shoulders.
"You forgot something. If you're not careful, you're going to end up sick before the week is over." His tone made its way all down to my core, it was so deep and sweet.
Feeling the urge to yank on his collar to pull him to me, I opted to push my hands into my jacket pockets. "Thanks." My voice sounded squeaky—I hoped none of the guys caught it.
"We're making her drink tea," Jimin said eyeing us suspiciously. "Her hair needs to be fully dry in order to leave this house today."
"It takes hours for my hair to dry naturally," I argued. "Usually half a day." Not only did I have long, thick hair, but I had a lot of it. Plus, the moisture in the air certainly wasn't helping it dry off any faster.
"You should have thought about that before coming over with wet hair," Jimin lectured but gave me a playful smile.
I let out a sigh and turned to Namjoon.
He had a look of disappointment as well. This meant we wouldn't be getting any alone time until tonight.
We shared a longing look before Jin called him over to serve himself breakfast. I went back to helping Jimin.
The next twelve hours were spent working. I wasn't surprised at my and Namjoon's level of professionalism. We went about the day acting perfectly normal. Sure, there were moments I felt the need to crawl into his lap, but I managed to keep myself focused on the job. But every so often, when the others weren't looking, Namjoon would place his hand on my lower back and say something normal to me. On the surface, he was talking to me naturally, but what others' eyes couldn't see was how he made circles on my back. They didn't catch him sending me flirtatious winks or the private smiles we gave each other. There was once when the others had their backs to us that he boldly pecked me quickly on the lips.
My anxiety had kicked in a little when he did this. I had instantly checked to see if the guys had noticed, but they had been too engrossed in their discussion, and they missed our kiss. Namjoon pretended as if nothing had occurred and joined in the conversation with the guys, only to send me a private wink a few seconds later.
The entire day, Namjoon seemed to be livelier, cracking jokes, smiling, and laughing at all the tiny things his brothers would say or do. He had a tendency of bouncing around excitedly at random, but his energy today was on another level.
It was rare to see him so playful. But it boosted my confidence—knowing his mood change was tied to last night.
The guys were curious about the change as well, making several remarks about his lively mood but they didn't question it too much. It didn't seem like they suspected anything.
After dinner, I wanted to head straight to the back house but knew it would be too suspicious to leave too early. I made myself stay with the guys for at least a couple of hours.
Namjoon was over on the couch helping Jungkook with the workshop for tomorrow—it was the maknae's turn to lead. I was playing a board game with Hobi, Jin, and Jimin.
Some time passed when I felt someone behind me. I didn't turn around, having suspicion I knew who it was.
And I wasn't disappointed. I felt Jungkook's nose on my head, taking a sniff of my hair. He was such a little weirdo when it came to smells. I was positive it was a sensory thing.
"How many shampoos did you bring, noona?" asked Jungkook, taking another whiff.
This threw me off. "Hmm?" I turned to face him.
"Yesterday, you smelled like a flower—lavender, today you smell tropical—like coconut, and the day before yesterday you smelled like apple." Jungkook looked down at me, bewildered by my use of different shampoos.
I was about to answer him that I had so many travel-sized shampoos I'd collected throughout the years that I had brought them all to the trip to finally get rid of them. However, someone else's voice kept me from speaking.
"The apple scent is her perfume. Her hair smelled like aloe vera on the drive here," came Namjoon's voice unexpectedly.
Not knowing how to react to his observations of me, I simply stared at Namjoon.
But I wasn't the only one shocked by Namjoon's words. Everyone was looking at him with curiosity. Namjoon's almond eyes darted around the room, confused by our looks. "What?"
Yoongi leaned forward as he sat on the couch. "How is it you remember how Maya smelled two days ago? Ah?"
Namjoon let out a heavy sigh. "She was sitting next to me on the drive. She had just taken a shower. The smell was all over the car."
"What about her perfume? How did you remember that smell so well?" Yoongi looked to be playing detective, his eyebrow cocked up.
Namjoon stared at his hyung with a serious look. "She only wears two kinds of perfumes."
Jungkook walked back to his seat next to Namjoon. "That is true. Apple and a floral one."
Was I that obvious?
"Do you happen to know what kind of flower scent she uses?" Jin asked Namjoon as he wiggled his eyebrows at him.
Namjoon just shook his head and turned away without saying another word. Jin and Yoongi shared a teasing smile, but didn't further push things.
I finished my last game with Jin, Jimin, and Hobi just as I heard Jungkook and Namjoon finish off.
"Let me change and I'll meet you there," Namjoon said to Jungkook.
I turned at this and saw the pair of them get up from their seats. I caught Namjoon's eyes. "Where are you going?"
"Working out," Jungkook answered for him. "Want to join?"
I let out a groan.
"Come on, noona. It's good for you," Jungkook encouraged.
"I hate working out," I whined.
"It's good for the body," input Namjoon. "Come on, get dressed. We'll do sixty minutes."
I made a face. "Sixty minutes?" He was crazy.
"Forty minutes," Namjoon tried to negotiate.
I turned to Hobi for help. He hated the gym as much as I did. However, the weasel was looking down and keeping quiet, not wanting to get pressured in either. Coward.
"Don't be lazy," Jungkook lectured.
For the next few minutes, the two of them dragged me to the back house so I could do a forty-minute workout. Both were adamant about not allowing me to go all week without exercising.
I hated them…at first.
My mood quickly changed after we did our stretches. Seeing Namjoon's muscles stretching out up close sent me into a much happier mood. Namjoon picked up a couple of dumbbells and did bicep curls. It was a good thing he was too focused on watching himself in the mirror and Jungkook was busy setting up his bandages for boxing. Neither of them caught how I was practically drooling over Namjoon.
I had seen him before and after the gym, but never during. While he had a nicely built body, he was still self-conscious, so he covered himself plenty while working out. Today, however, he was only around his brothers, so his sleeveless tee was thinner and looser, showing off his pecs and back more. It was enough to send me into a heat overdrive.
Forcing myself to look away, I worked on cardio. Jungkook and I then went back and forth on the punching bag until he fully took over.
I was looking around the equipment to see what else I could waste my time on.
"Want to do some pull-ups?" Namjoon said with a heavy breath. He took a sip of water as droplets made their way down his face. He was fully drenched in sweat, looking like a gladiator. A sexy fuckable gladiator.
"How much longer we got?" I asked, pulling my eyes away from him before Jungkook caught me ogling at his brother.
Namjoon checked his watch. "Ten minutes."
"Ok." I walked over to the bar and looked up at it. It was six feet high. I stood in front of it as I mentally prepared myself. It'd been a good while since the last time I did pull-ups.
Suddenly, I felt Namjoon come directly behind me. "Need some help?" he asked, his voice low and deep.
His body was flushed against mine. My ponytail brushed against his chest; his arms were on either side of my own as if ready to wrap his limbs around me. I wanted nothing more than to lean back and feel exactly that but I remembered where we were and who else was in the room. I cleared my throat. "I was a gymnast for 4 years; must I remind you?"
"Wasn't that 20 years ago?" he asked cheekily.
I ignored him as Jungkook laughed behind us. I pushed Namjoon off me, stared up at the bar, took a breath, and jumped, easily grasping the bar between my fingers.
Both guys let out surprised sounds.
I adjusted myself so I had proper form. Once I did, I began to pull myself upwards, bringing my chin easily above the bar. I let my body down and came back up in good form.
"Whoa, Maya! Let's go!" Namjoon sounded more excited than I felt.
Sadly, I was starting to feel a burn along my arms. I took a breath, trying to gain the strength to do at least three more.
"You got this, girl. Come on," Namjoon encouraged.
I pulled my body up, a little shakily. With great effort, I lowered myself. I knew I had to do the next one quickly; if I waited too long, my arms wouldn't make it. I didn't allow myself more than a second break before I pulled myself up again. Once my chin reached above the bar, I quickly lowered myself to the ground.
Both guys clapped, praising me.
I let out a groan. "I'm so weak. What the hell?"
"This is why you have to constantly work out," Namjoon said.
"I like Hobi's style of working out. Just dance for a couple of hours a day."
"You still need cardio and core exercises to breathe better when performing."
A bit of sadness came over at hearing this. "Who knows if I'm ever going to perform again."
"Why would you not perform again?" asked Jungkook.
Namjoon knew me well, so he knew why I had said it. "Don't say that. Of course, you will. You're having a stump in your music—it happens."
I had voiced to Namjoon in the past how I felt my recording days were over. I didn't have the energy to argue, so I kept quiet.
Namjoon wasn't ready to let me be pessimistic, however. "Maya, for real, I'll be heartbroken if I never hear another album of yours and watch you on tour. You're so good at it."
"You're awesome at it. I learned so much from you," Jungkook also insisted.
"We all did," Namjoon added.
They were being sweet. When we first met, the girl group I was in was well-established and popular. We had been together for years and knew how to run a good performance. The guys had seen a few of our shows; Jungkook had asked for a recording of us to study and had asked endless questions about stage presence. But that had been seven years ago when the guys were newbies. Now, they were the hottest artists in the world and one of the best performers. They had learned everything they could have from me long ago.
I thanked them but didn't voice my thoughts. Despite knowing them for so long, it was still a struggle to be around so much positivity and encouragement. It was something I had tried working on with my therapist.
I went back to doing some cardio. The guys, bless them, took that as a hint and stopped praising me. Namjoon especially knew about my struggles with receiving praise and compliments.
Time went by slowly and I was grateful when I heard the timer go off. Namjoon and Jungkook laughed at my happy dance. We did some quick stretches and I began to head out.
"Mai," Namjoon called out to me.
I turned back.
"Your jacket," he said simply.
I walked back to the floor where he was pointing and took my jacket.
"I'm going to help Jungkook for a bit," Namjoon said after taking a sip of water. "I'll be home shortly."
I smiled and gave a short nod.
As I made my way out of the room, I heard Jungkook say teasingly, "Home?"
Not looking back, I walked to the kitchen and gave a quick farewell to the. I knew if I stayed behind the teasing would only continue.
The wind outside had steadied a bit, but the rain hadn't subsided. The news had announced the storm was expected to slow down, so there was hope tomorrow wouldn't be so bad. Once inside the small house, I decided on a hot shower.
After I was done, I settled on a warm sweater but put on some shorts—my legs easily got hot. I turned on the ondol and did some work.
I had just finished going over Jimin's vocals on the track and saving the file when I heard the backdoor open. I turned to see Namjoon enter and a gush of cold entered the house.
I took off my headphones as I shivered from the cold. "How bad was the teasing after I left?"
He gave a short shake. "He dropped it as soon as we left the gym."
That was a relief. "Good."
He gave me a grin and stalked towards me, the dragon eyes slowly making an appearance.
The excitement was too much to contain. I got to my feet and once he was close enough, I pushed off the ground, and jumped on him, his arms quickly catching me. Our lips instantly met each other.
A pleasing sound came out of him and it sent goosebumps down my back as we kissed.
After a good while, my lungs began to burn.
Namjoon must have the same because we pulled away at the same time. He set me back to the ground. But I wasn't done with him. I took his hand and led him to the living room. Once we got to the couch, I gave him a slight push.
He sat down with a thud, and I very boldly straddled. "I've been wanting to do this all day," I admitted, my lips coming back to his.
"What?" he asked in between kisses, "Attack me?"
"Kiss you, dummy." My lips lingered around his nose and cheeks.
His long fingers skimmed around my backside, making me gasp in pleasure. He made his way down my neck. I could feel his slick smile against my throat. "We kissed once today."
I let out a groan of annoyance. "You kissed me. I didn't have time to react. It was torture."
His fingers started skimming down to the side of my waist and slowly made their way to my hips. They stopped at the end of my shorts. He let out a long moan as his hands went up and down the sides of my shorts. "What you're wearing is pure torture. Girl, how you gonna wear this now? I want to take things slow."
The small pecks he was placing along my neck felt delicious. I sunk my fingers more into his hair. "I loooooove going slow." I pushed down on him, feeling his bulge right at my center. The moment we made contact, I circled my hips delightfully slow.
His large hands gripped my hips, keeping me from making any further movements. He let out an aching exhale. "Shit."
I stilled, feeling instant regret and embarrassment. "I'm sorry."
He shook his head and took a few breaths. "As much as I would love to go further with you, I really do want to take things slow." He met my eyes. "Please."
I gave a small nod, and looked away, instantly ashamed and disappointed at my behavior. "Ok. I'm sorry," I said again and came off his lap, deciding to sit down on the couch was safer.
For a moment I had forgotten who I was making out with. Namjoon wasn't just any random guy. He had been in a handful of relationships—most of which were serious. He had only slept with his exes after saying "I love you." There had been two girls he had slept with to who he held no emotional ties to. One had been a one-night stand and the other had been a friend-with-benefits that ended badly.
Namjoon wasn't the type to take sex lightly. At least not with someone he cared for. I knew this. And he had told me seconds ago he wanted to take things slow. Why had I dismissed him?
"Hey," he said softly. His hand came to my face and tilted it so I could meet his eyes. He smiled sweetly at me. "It's ok." He brushed his lips against mine again. "I'm not mad. Honestly. I just want to do things right with you. I feel if we start having sex this early, I'm not being respectful towards you. I…care about you too much to move too quickly."
I nodded. "I respect that. If you want to go slow, we will. We'll go at your pace. I don't know what came over me—I lost myself in the moment. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. You did exactly what my body wanted you to do." His hand came to my side, a warmth spread there. "I at least want a date before we go to second base."
I laughed at this. "If you think about it, we've been on at least a hundred dates since I moved here. We've gone out so many times by ourselves. Our friends have teased us about it."
He smiled and raised a hand to scratch the back of his neck. A motion he did when he was feeling embarrassed. "If I'm being honest, I think I treated our hangouts like dates. In my head, I was courting you."
I smiled at his blush. I owed it to him to be equally honest. "I would pretend I was on a date with you, too. Not because I wanted a relationship with you but because you would treat me so well. You were so attentive and a gentleman. It felt good to be treated nice. Whenever I would go on real dates, if the guy didn't live up to your level, I wouldn't call him back. Which is why I hardly ever went on a second date with a guy; they couldn't live up to your level."
He looked down, trying to hold back his smirk. Cute.
I leaned in and curled my body against his, my head coming to his shoulder. "If you're going to treat our real dates better than our made-up ones, you're going to turn me into mush."
He leaned in for another soft kiss. "Oh, I have our first twenty dates planned. I was holding back before. Just wait now that we're actually a couple."
We hadn't even been an item for 24 hours, but I was already envisioning the dates ahead of us. I looked forward to what he had planned. But as quickly as I looked to the future, I was reminded of reality. "Guess those dates are going to have to wait until next month."
There was a crease between his eyebrows. "Why?"
"Your schedule is full until then. Not to mention I leave in the middle of November. I wanted to spend Christmas with my family, seeing that last year I was here." The reminder that I was going back made my stomach turn.
"We'll figure it out," Namjoon said, pulling me back to the present, where I needed to be. "We'll just have small dates until then."
My brain began to work. "Maybe we can make an excuse tomorrow about working on some last-minute plan for the workshop. We can bring our food here and have a nice dinner. Alone."
He beamed at the idea. "We should be done by 8. It would give us a lot of time alone."
"Maybe we can hit the gym during our break, that way it frees up time at night," I suggested.
"You want to go to the gym?" he asked, taken aback.
"Well, I don't. But you do. I'll work on some choreo with Hobi. He mentioned earlier he wanted to practice some routines while we were here. I offered to assist."
He sat straighter. "That reminds me, there's something I've been meaning to ask—well, me and the guys. I said I would ask you privately before we ask you as a group. Full disclosure, we already spoke with the team and PD and all have given the green light on the idea."
I was unsure where he was going with this. "Ok?"
"Would you like to make an appearance on the online show? The fans really enjoyed you joining us on stage last year. We know they would get excited if you performed with us again."
A rush of enthusiasm took over at the thought of performing again. I hadn't been on a stage since the guys' online concert last year. I danced several times a week, usually alongside Hobi, due to my soul's necessity for the art but there was nothing like performing on an actual stage. Sure, it had been heartbreaking last year when there hadn't been a live audience, but it was the next best thing. To get a chance to perform again, I wasn't sure how I could turn it down.
Namjoon could read my answer by the look on my face. He grinned. "Awesome. I'll let the guys know then we can make plans on what we can do. Ah! The fans are going to flip," he said with excitement.
He looked too cute not to kiss, so I did.
Namjoon met my lips with equal zeal. He took hold of my hips and pulled me onto his lap. I let out a squeak and giggle as I settled on his lap.
For the next couple of hours, we spent it similar to the night before. The talk was light, the touching sweet and teasing with plenty of cuddles. I had never been the kind of girl to act so…girly. Not even in high school.
What was he doing to me?
AN: I wanted to do so much more with that Rated M moment, but I had to hold back. Namjoon is too much of a gentleman and is not "letting me" get too far this fast in the story. 😅 But I promise there will be a more sexual buildup in the next two chapters... 😉
