Trying something new and releasing this a little earlier than usual. Also, it's JK's birthday, so I figured, why the heck not


[아주 고요한 너와 나의 속삭임]

-Workshop Day Four-

The next morning was similar to the day before, only it was Yoongi who had sent an early message asking for assistance. Once again, Namjoon and I didn't get to spend our morning alone and I left him another note explaining my whereabouts.

This time, I was sure to not forget my jacket as I made my way through the wind to get to the main house. Judging by the soft wind and light rain, it seemed as if the storm was calming down. However, it was still rather cold—then again, I easily got cold.

I entered the main house and was welcomed with warmth. The only one present was Yoongi. Because I was the only other musician on the premises, Yoongi had asked to borrow one of my guitars. The strings on his had torn and he needed a guitar for today's workshop.

Thankfully, I had traveled with two.

"Thanks," he mumbled, taking one of the guitar cases from me. "Do you have a preference?"

I shook my head. He opened both cases and took out the guitars to see which one he would prefer.

I turned to the kitchen, eyeing the stove to see if there was any food prepared. "Have you cooked anything?"

"Jin-hyung said he would take care of breakfast; I'm doing lunch. Not sure who's handling dinner yet." Yoongi played around with my guitar, trying to get comfortable with it. "Jin should be here soon."

Sure enough, I saw Jin making his way towards the main house. "Good morning," he said as he walked in wearing his neat pajamas. He was the only one who wore proper nightwear. The rest of the guys wore simple t-shirts and gym shorts or close to nothing at all.

He caught me staring. "What?"

"You're the only guy I know who actually wears pajamas. Just an observation." I walked over to the espresso machine to prepare my coffee.

"That's because you don't know many men," he said jokingly.

I cracked a smile. "So all the other guys are little boys?"

He nodded as he washed his hands so he could start prepping breakfast. "Don't worry, Namjoon will evolve eventually."

I wasn't going to fall for his trap, so I didn't answer. Yoongi, on the other hand, let out a loud laugh in the other room.

"Maiwa, what's going on with you and Namjoonie?" Yoongi asked.

I did my best to come across as confused. "What do you mean?"

"Dr-drop the act, there's something going on. I'm shore—sure of it," Yoongi was now in the room, a look of mischief in his eyes. He was definitely excited about his suspicions because he was stuttering, a habit of his when he was either too tired or too excited. "He was too happy yesterday. He kept laughing at everything."

"Did you guys sleep together?" Jin asked shamelessly.

"Kim Seokjin!" I smacked him.

He laughed. "Why-why-why? Would that be a bad thing? You're both adults."

"We're friends," I ducked my head, embarrassed by the feeling of heat coursing through my cheek and neck.

"With benefits?" came a voice from above us. A giggle followed.

"Isn't it too early for you to be up?" I called out to the eavesdropping bunny above us.

Jungkook's giggle continued. "You were really flirty with him yesterday."

"I'm always flirty," I argued.

"Not like that," Yoongi's face was beaming as he stared at me. "Come on, be honest. We won't tell."

That was a lie. "Please. Let's say for shits and giggles that there was something going on between Namjoon and me and I decided to tell you. You would be off whispering the gossip into Jimin's ear. And then Jimin would tell Taehyung and Hoseok. And if it wasn't for Mean Girls Karen Smith on the second floor at the moment, Jungkook would be the next to know."

Yoongi looked almost offended by the accusation. "I'm no gossip."

"You tell Jimin every rumor you hear about," I said bluntly.

"Jimin hardly tells me any gossip anymore," Jungkook defended himself.

"Who's Karen Smith?" Jin asked, looking lost as he worked on the veggies.

"No, I don't," Yoongi argued.

We went back and forth for a good while, the topic of discussion changing. I was proud of myself—Yoongi had completely forgotten about his suspicions.


In the middle of breakfast, another producer, Hiss Noise, dropped by for the workshop. He was only going to stay until the next day. He and Hyunseo were scheduled to leave in the morning. After tomorrow, the eight of us were going to be left fully alone.

Because of Noise's short stay, we had a lot of work to do today. The workshop was more intense than the previous ones and longer.

During one of the breaks, most of the guys spread out throughout the main house, stretching and regaining energy.

As others walked around the house doing various things, I was sitting on one of the chairs in the living room playing the song we were testing on my guitar. For the last few hours I had been playing the same chords and I couldn't shake the feeling that something didn't sound right.

I looked at the sheet notes, thinking of how to fix it. And then it felt like I had found a fix.

"What's up?" asked Namjoon, almost as if he could hear my thoughts.

Setting my guitar on the floor, I answered, "I don't think this song calls for strings."

"Piano?" asked Yoongi, also reading my mind. "I was thinking the same earlier." He took out his keyboard and plugged it in.

Walking towards his seat I took it as soon as he stood up. I set the music sheet in front of me and played the song on the piano and dropped the tempo, humming the lyrics.

Namjoon and Yoongi, and a couple of the other guys, listened to my changes.

"Blues," Yoongi said, understanding where I was trying to take the song.

I played it once again from the top, only this time, I sang the lyrics Namjoon had written. At the song's crescendo, my vocals turned full R&B. Maybe it was due to the Proposal song I had been working on in my free time, but this For Youth song Namjoon had created felt like it needed some soul.

I finished the song softly, using simple and quiet notes.

A few of the members clapped.

"Jungkook is going to have fun on that last part," Jin said, giving the youngest an encouraging slap on the back.

Jungkook let out a nervous laugh. "That's going to be difficult."

"You've done runs before," I reminded him. While Jungkook tended to sing with an R&B/Pop feel, he rarely sang soulful runs and riffs. His runs were usually clean, so I could see how my take on the song was giving him worry.

"Not like you," Jungkook answered.

"You don't have to sound like me. Sound like you," I pointed out. "But push yourself a little more. You said you want to experiment with your voice," I reminded him.

This made him calm down. He had made mentioned in a private meeting with me that he wanted to do something different with his voice for this next album. Here was an opportunity.

"You got this, bro," Hobi said enthusiastically.

Jungkook let out a sigh and walked over to the chair next to me.

Together, Jungkook and I practiced on the note as the other guys took a break. Namjoon and Hiss continued to work on the lyrics.

From where I was sitting, Namjoon seemed to be struggling. I tried to keep my focus on Jungkook, making a mental note to ask Namjoon about my worry in private later tonight.

"Ah, shit! What is that?" Hobi ducked down and went around me, who was closest to him.

His frightened state gave little concern to everyone. Most ignored his exclamation while some turned out of mild interest.

Hobi took hold of my arms and kept me in place in front of him—using me as a shield. I followed his eyes and caught sight of the threatening bug.

I followed the flying creature and thought it must be a moth by the way it was maneuvering. It was too dark to be a butterfly.

"Maya, go get it," Hobi said, pushing me forward.

Most of the guys continued going about their business, paying Hobi no mind.

The moth flew up to the second floor, landing on the staircase rail. I let out a sigh. "Fine." I knew if the bug wasn't taken outside, Hobi would be extremely paranoid.

I made my way up the stairs, keeping my eyes directly at it so I wouldn't lose it.

"You'll be my hero Mai-Mai," Hobi called out.

"Where's she going?" Namjoon said in the distance.

Hobi explained to Namjoon what I was doing just as I got to the staircase where the moth was. I didn't want to hurt it—I wanted to capture it and let it free outside. Keeping my eyes on it, I called out to the guys downstairs. "Can someone bring me a small container—preferably with a lid?"

"Yup," Jimin called out.

I stayed put until I felt Jimin at my side, handing me the container. I made slow movements towards it, but the moth took off and flew higher up, landing on one of the posts on the second floor, above the balcony.

My eyes didn't leave it as I went up the stairs and got to the second-story landing.

"Maya, don't," Namjoon's voice was stern and almost commanding.

I ignored him and reached the post where the moth was.

"Noona, it's dangerous," Jimin's voice was full of concern.

"Jungkook, Noise, Jin come here," Namjoon bellowed. "Stay under the stairs in case she falls." Namjoon hurried up the stairs.

The guys hurried and followed orders.

"I'm not gonna fall," I said, already standing on the thin beam, balancing myself.

Several voices below began to lecture me.

They were overreacting. I held onto the post and made a reach for the moth, but it was too far from me.

Suddenly, large hands were keeping hold of me around the waist. "Maya, get down." Namjoon sounded as if he was on the verge of screaming at me.

I pushed up to my tiptoes, struggling with his strong hold on me.

"Oh! Maya, really, it's not that serious. Get down," Hobi's voice sounded slightly panicked. He was at my other side now, holding my leg from around the post.

I made a final reach and trapped the moth inside the container. Its little wigs flapped violently inside, struggling to get out. I looked down at the concerned faces underneath me. "Here," I said as I looked at Jimin.

Jimin took it from my hands and stepped back. "Will you get down now, please?"

As carefully as I could, I balanced myself on the beam. Namjoon's and Hobi's hands had stayed on me, ensuring they would catch me if I slipped. I was ready to jump off but the hands on my waist were impatient.

"I got her, Hoba," Namjoon assured with finality.

Once Hoseok's hands were off my leg, Namjoon took full control and took me off the beam. His solid arms handled me as if I was lightweight. My hands shot to his broad shoulders to keep myself balanced.

With great gentleness that I never would have imagined coming from Namjoon, my feet hit solid ground. His gentle touch made my heart flutter like the moth's wings. I almost forgot we were in front of our friends…and that he was upset with me. However, as my eyes reached his, the warm fuzzy feeling left.

His dark brown eyes scolded me. "What the hell was that?" he demanded.

I let out a sigh and stepped away from his embrace. "I was fine. As if I haven't climbed on things before."

"Not something that's 6 meters above the ground. You could have broken your neck."

"I was careful." I did my best to keep my voice steady. I knew Namjoon, along with the rest of the guys, was concerned, but I didn't like being treated like a child—especially in front of my friends. A light embarrassment came over me at the sight of everyone looking at us.

"Over a moth? It would have been better if we used a broom to swat it out instead. It's not worth you risking your neck." Namjoon's voice was not getting lower. Quite the opposite, his voice was getting louder.

"I know what I was doing. I've climbed trees all my life not to mention I did gymnastics and specialized in the balance beam," I said, irritating in me rising.

"Alright, let's settle down," Jimin intercepted, trying to calm things down. He placed a careful hand on Namjoon's shoulder. "Noona, hyung was only worried. He doesn't mean to treat you like a child. You scared all of us. He knows you were being careful—we all do, but it still doesn't stop us from worrying. Just think if it was the reverse: hyungi doing something dangerous."

The thought of Namjoon standing on top of a 20-foot staircase came to mind and absolute terror came over. Jimin was right, I would have been livid. But I was experienced and not clumsy like Namjoon.

Jimin gave his older brother a light shove, signaling him to say something.

Namjoon didn't look ready to say anything at first, he still looked rather upset. However, after a few seconds, Namjoon let out a sigh and gave a nod, clearly to having calmed himself. "I apologize. I shouldn't have scolded."

I gave him a nod. "Ok." I gave a small smile, letting him know I was letting it go.

He looked relieved and returned the small smile.

Jimin's face brightened, delighted to have settled things. "Ok. Let me take this little one out." He looked into the container to make sure the moth was still ok. Then he made his way down the stairs, Hoseok at his heels.

Namjoon took another breath and brought his hand to my shoulder. "I really am sorry."

"It's ok. Jimini's right. If things were in reverse, I would have been terrified." I leaned in and gave him a half hug.

Both his arms came around me and held me warmly.

I would have wanted nothing more than to stay like that with him, but we were shortly called down for dinner.


We worked a little while more after dinner but were too exhausted to continue. All of us exhausted, we were scattered along the house. The storm had gotten some momentum; the wind had picked up and the rain was coming a little harder. The guys were hesitant to leave to the other houses.

Noise was on the couch staring out into the backyard, watching the mild storm. "Hyunseo, I go half a mind in leavin' tonight instead. Tomorrow the storm could be worse, man."

Hyunseo shook his head. "We'll be without light. Driving through the storm at night is risky. It's best if we leave first thing."

Noise nodded and turned to his younger comrades. "Y'all gonna be good here? This storm ain't leveling up."

"We got resources for the worse, if it happens," Jin assured. "We have a plan set up. If things get too bad, we're all going to take solace here. It's the most stable of the houses and completely stoked."

"Eight of you in one house?" Noise asked, shocked. Then he began to get up.

"We've lived together for ten years," Jin pointed out.

"But no longer than that," I heard Taehyung mutter.

I turned to him and remembered our first day here. They were giving up their shared dorm. I had been distracted by everything else that I had forgotten to ask Namjoon for further details. There was no reason for me to doubt Yoongi when he said everything was good between them, but there was something there that the guys weren't sharing. I had meant to bring it up with Namjoon, but with our newly discovered feelings, I had forgotten about it.

Noise didn't seem to hear Yoongi because he made no comment about it and was announcing he was going to head to his room. Hyunseo was right behind him.

As they left, I caught Namjoon's eyes. He quickly looked away, clearly avoiding the topic.

If he really thought that was going to work, he was about to be proven wrong. I got to my feet. "I'm going to call it a night as well. I want to get out of here before the storm can get worse."

Namjoon let out a breath. He wasn't about to let me go outside by myself. He knew I was doing this intentionally. "We'll message you guys as soon we get to the backhouse. Let's all make sure we're communicating. We're scattered in four houses, so let's keep in touch."

Everyone nodded, agreeing with their leader.

After putting on our jackets, Namjoon and I made our mini hike up the small hill to get to the backhouse. The wind wasn't too harsh, but the constant rain had made the ground muddy. I had to keep hold of Namjoon to keep myself from tripping a few times.

Surprisingly, Namjoon was steady and balanced on our way up the hill. He guided me inside the safety of the house before entering himself.

We couldn't leave our shoes outside, too worried they might be taken by the wind. We took off our shoes and left them at the entrance of the home.

"Tea?" Namjoon asked, taking my jacket from me as I took it off.

"Yes, please," I said.

He walked over to the kitchen to turn on the kettle.

I didn't beat around the bush. "So, care to explain the whole dorm thing?"

He shrugged his shoulders as if the news was no big deal. "None of us are there anymore. Someone sleeps there once a week—tops. What's the point of keeping it?" He was avoiding eye contact.

"Namjoon." My voice was clear and serious.

Slowly, he turned to me but didn't say a word. Just stood there looking…almost sad.

"What's going on?" I asked, concern filling my voice.

There was a look of hopelessness in his eyes. It took him a moment to speak. "We're taking a break after the album comes out."

"What do you mean 'break'?" My brain went to a dozen different places at the word, but rather than think the worst, I stayed calm. I didn't want to overreact without getting more details.

"I just can't…do this anymore." There was a sudden switch in his demeanor. His shoulders sagged, his face was fragile, and his body stiffened in a fight or flight type of way. The usual collected Namjoon was disheveled. "We're set to come up with a small mini album that will contain new original music along with the anthology. On top of that, I've been trying to work on my own personal music that I really want to release, but can't because I should be focusing on music of the group. I have all these ideas of what I want to sing about but struggle in finding a sound for us as a group. And I know the guys are looking at me to give them a direction for a new era—but I can't think of one. Meanwhile, these other songs I want for myself keep circulating in my head and I can't get them out because I need to focus on Bangtan."

He was rambling, talking fast and his pitch was going up and down. I had never seen him so stressed.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's alright. Breathe, sweetie. Breathe." I lightly rubbed his arms and tried to keep him still.

He let out a breath, his eyes holding some moisture. He was close to losing it.

That was the thing with Namjoon. He had an overall good hold of his emotions, and kept calm and collected most of the time. But once he opened up, he was like a faucet. His feelings took full over. I had seen him cry several times before, but never looking so disheveled.

I tried to calm him. "First, the mini album is not a must. PD-nim was very specific that this anthology was to be whatever the seven of you decided on. If you guys come up with two or three new songs, then that's all there will be. It's supposed to be a no-pressure workshop. That's what we're doing here: trying to help you guys figure out what you want this album to be." I rubbed his arms, trying to soothe him. "If there are not enough songs for a mini-album, then fuck it. Just come up with one and make the rest of the work only an anthology."

His eyes were still hurt, still avoiding me.

"And the guys will completely understand the pressure you're going through. If you're at a stump, then you're at a stump. There's nothing you can do about it. Take it from someone who is currently there."

He wasn't convinced, still showing doubts.

I took his face in my hands, gently rubbing his cheeks. "You worry too much, you know that? And your worry makes me worry."

It was true. Namjoon often looked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Over the years, he had allowed the guys to take some of that burden away, but he still held so much responsibility. Put too much pressure on himself to excel. He was such a perfectionist that if he felt he wasn't reaching certain expectations, he felt himself a failure. Failure was something Kim Namjoon did not do well.

His eyes met mine and he noticed my worry. "Sorry." His arms came around me.

"Have you told this to the guys?" I asked, stepping into his embrace.

He nodded. "You didn't say anything they didn't already mention to me. I told them…." He stopped himself, looking hurt.

"What?"

Several tears began to form in his eyes again. "I told them I was feeling…lost. I don't know where in Bangtan I belong. If I can't be the songwriter the group needs me to be, then what's my role? At the same time, I feel too linked to them—like I lost my self-identity. I have songs I want to do for myself, but then I feel…guilty." He lifted his hands off me and rubbed his eyes. "So much shit going on in my head."

My hands stayed on his arms. "And you think that physical distance will help," I said, understanding now why they were giving up the dorms.

"It's a big reason why. I'm hardly there anyway. I sleep there a couple of times a month, but mostly out of obligation. Obligation to the company, the group, PD-nim, the team…. But the more time I spend there, the more I feel out of place. It just doesn't feel like it's ours anymore." He kept talking out loud without a linear thought. Now that he was voicing his concerns, all his worries were spilling out of him—dying to finally be let out.

Judging by his reaction, I had a feeling his previous statement about having told the guys about his worries was only a half-truth. "Have you discussed everything with the guys?"

His eyes dodged mine.

I wanted to scold him. Tell him that keeping all his worries to himself did not help his mental health. But that's not what he needed at the moment. He was having a moment of vulnerability and needed support.

I reached for his face, my fingers grazed over his chin until his eyes fell on mine. "They love and trust you. If you feel this will help, then there's no need for guilt. You're voicing your needs—you should never feel guilty about that."

There was a slight calmness that came over him, but a grey cloud full of worry still lingered around him.

For a long moment, he kept his brown eyes on me and it seemed as if he wanted to tell me something but was holding back. I knew the feeling. The burden of keeping your worries to yourself and not allowing loved ones to help you. I wanted him to tell me everything, but from personal experience, I knew it was all up to him. He should only tell me once he was ready.

I stayed quiet and continued to hold him, patiently waiting for his next step.

After what seemed like an hour, he took a seat on one of the bar stools along the kitchen island, pulled me with him, and rested his forehead against mine.

He wasn't ready to vocalize all he wanted to quite yet, but silently, he was asking if I could help with the heavy load. My arms came around his back and I pulled him closer. Without a doubt, I would happily take on his burden. I would take all his worries and carry it all myself if I was able to.

He took in a deep breath, using only his nose. It felt as if he was taking in the full scent around him. Like he was breathing me in.

Slowly, I felt Namjoon's shoulders relax. The hands he had on my hips had a light touch to them now. The grey cloud had sailed away.

It didn't take long for our kissing to start. Unlike the previous nights, Namjoon's movements were softer, sweeter. There was no sense of urgency; we knew we had all night and there was no need to rush. He took his time exploring my lips, neck, and face with his lips. His hands wandered around my back, hips, and sides, but didn't push too much.

As our lips danced with each other, a roar of thunder rumbled in the distance.


Thank you for the support, everyone. It's very much appreciated.
As much as I'm enjoying writing fluff, I AM going to be posting some more mature content in the next chapter. I didn't expect this fic to be a long burn to get to the smutty scenes, but Kim Namjoon didn't let me speed things up! He's too much of a damn gentleman. But I'm putting my damn foot down and showing him who's boss!