Warnings/spoilers: Warnings/spoilers: explicit sexual language (Maya has a filthy mouth ?), fingering, handjob, VERY LIGHT dom/sub kink, LIGHT orgasm denial/delay.

[널 알고 싶은데]

-Day Six Workshop-

It was a sound that woke me. I was too tired to open my eyes. And the heavy object around me kept me from moving. I forced myself to concentrate focusing on my surroundings. After a long moment, I recognized the sound of strong wind and heavy rain. There was a storm going on outside. And the heavy object on me was Namjoon. My eyes adjusted to the little light in the room and I turned my head to the lovely creature behind me.

The light allowed me to see his striking facial features. His plump lips were fully open, a slight drool coming out of the corner of his mouth, and the cutest snore was coming out of him. It sounded like a small tractor. I had heard of his snores from the guys; they had described it as aggressive and loud. But I couldn't help but find it adorable.

Wondering what time it was, I made a movement to check out the clock that was set on Namjoon's nightstand.

The small tractor's engine stopped and Namjoon began to stir. "Wazit?"

I made my way back to down the bed. "Shhh. There was a noise. Go back to sleep."

"Noze?" he mumbled. His arm tightened around me.

"Yeah, pretty sure it was the storm," I said, turning to the window. It was too dark to see much, but I could hear the rattling and howling.

Namjoon began to sit up. "Phone?"

I tried pulling him back down, he looked so out of it. And he had looked so perfect asleep.

"Said I message if house ok." Namjoon looked around, searching for his phone.

Then I understood. We had to send a message to the guys, otherwise, one of them might come over and find us in this predicament. I noticed his phone on the nightstand and pointed it out to him. "Want me to send it? You're half asleep."

He shook his head slightly as he typed. The light coming off the phone hit his gorgeous, puffy face. How could he look so tired but so good-looking at the same time?

After sending the message, he put down his phone and sat still for a good minute. He looked to be thinking and processing something. Finally, he spoke up. "Did that really happen?" He turned to me. From the small light coming from my nightstand, his eyes looked less foggy.

I didn't say anything, just laid there in his bed, giving him a small smile. I was sure I knew what he was feeling. We had crossed over into new territory; it was mindboggling to consider where we were at. It had only been a few days since our relationship had changed, but after last night, it felt like we had sped things up. So many emotions had evolved and I couldn't help but feel a mixture of nervousness and excitement.

Nervousness because I worried about our friendship; about it not working out. Excitement because there was no denying everything about the last few hours had felt so natural. I felt no regret or awkwardness.

He let out a moan as his eyes hovered over my body. It was then that I remembered that other than the boxers I had on, I was naked. My cum hadn't fully dried and was clinging to the material and my skin.

Namjoon's eyes were completely clear now and roaming around my body with the same hunger I had seen earlier.

Despite just having slept a couple of hours, my body and mind were fully awake. And ready for whatever came next with Namjoon.

Namjoon's hand reached for my thighs as he moaned. Just like before, his touch was a perfect combination of gentle and rough. My legs immediately opened for him, inviting him.

He let out a sound that mimicked that of a growl. "I really wanted to wait. At least until we had a proper date." His hand kept away from my core and traveled further north, massaging my lower abdomen.

"We can still have that. I can go to my room." I kept still, though, waiting for his choice. I didn't want to push him to something he wasn't ready for. But I also wanted him to keep going.

His body made moved over me and settled between my spread legs. "But it's like taking a bite from the Tree of Knowledge. I can't unbite the apple." His hands came down to my thighs again, moving a little inward.

I reached to touch the beautiful mole above his dimple. My thumb lingered on his lips. "Whatever you want. I just want you to be sure."

He hovered above me and placed his forehead against mine. "I…care about you, Mayahuel."

I cradled his face in between my hands, touching the twin moles above his dimples, and pulled him closer. I breathe in his woodsy, musky scent. There was instant relaxation. "I care about you, too. I don't think we need to rush this if you really don't want to."

He reached for my lips, tenderly giving me a kiss. "Would it be ok with you if we pushed it a little, without going all the way?"

I pulled away, staring up into his eyes. "How much do you want to push?"

A boyish smile appeared on his face. "Just enough where we don't actually do it."

"So, we're sticking to only dry humping? No insertions?" I felt goosebumps along my body at the memory of us grinding against each other. It had been hot, but the experience kept me from full satisfaction. Not since my teens had I been in a relationship where my vagina was not stimulated by a dick. Where our genitals did not insert and writhe in and out of each other. I enjoyed what we had done, but I was going to want more.

"We can use other tools rather than our…you-knows, to arouse ourselves, if you're comfortable with it, that is." His palm came down to my hip and kept it there. His thumb rubbed circles along my pelvis, coming awfully close to my heat.

My hip came off the bed, thrusting itself and hitting Namjoon's thigh.

"Seems like you like the idea," his timbre voice fell from his lips and landed right on wet pussy. "I don't have any vibrators with me but I'm pretty sure we can find other…objects that can be just as useful." His fingers went underneath my boxers and slowly danced on my skin.

The image of his fingers inside my pussy made me want to squirt. I pressed myself a little more roughly on his thigh, wanting to create friction.

"Stop." His tone turned serious and deeper.

At his command, my body stilled.

He let out a grunt. "Shit, you're really into being ordered." His fingers dug into my skin.

My body writhed underneath his. "Looks like."

Namjoon's hard-on grew, I could feel it against my thigh. "I wonder what I could use inside you." He pushed his bulge against me.

My hands came up to his chest. "If you put anything inside of me, then I get to stroke your dick. Raw."

He pushed against me more forcibly. "I'm always for a fair society."

I laughed at first, grateful that we were able to still be lighthearted and comfortable even as things were elevating. But the laughter was chased away when his lips came to mine.

My fingers threaded his hair, pulling him closer to my scorching skin, deepening our kiss.

His fingers created patterns along my stomach, itching closer to my pussy.

My hands moved down his spine until they came to his bottom. I squeezed his ass and pushed harder on him. The angle allowed his clothed dick to hit my cunt in a sweet spot, knocking the wind out of me.

Namjoon let out a grunt. His lips came to my throat as his fingers went inside my boxers.

I stopped all my movements, waiting to see what he would do next.

"Breathe, girl," his voice was deep and husky tone against my ear.

I did, my fingers digging into him as I felt his long, sweet fingers touch my lower lips. "Please."

His gentle lips nibbed at the spot between my ear and neck. "Tell me what you want." His thumb rubbed my clit with little pressure.

"Finger-fuck me," I moaned out, digging my nails into his arms at the thought of him mercilessly taking me to oblivion with his fingers.

His fingers came to the bottom of my boxers, moving them to the side. He slid two slender fingers between my lips, rubbing against the entrance. "Shit, you're so wet." Wet sounds filled the room, quieting down the chaos from outside.

Fingers moved slowly against me; I wasn't sure if I wanted to kill him or worship him right now. "Nam-joon!"

The tips of his two fingers pressed against my entrance, rubbed me a little, and finally pushed inside. But only a couple of inches. He pulled them out at a painfully slow pace. And entered me at the same equal, agonizing speed. His thumb stayed on my clit, stroking it. The sounds in the room were louder now and it took a moment to realize it was me. Namjoon's lips came back down to mine, drinking in my screams.

I moaned and pouted, but his other hand kept my hips from thrusting much against him.

"Easy, girl," he let as his mouth went down my throat. He skimmed my collar bones and stopped at my breasts. His tongue darted out to taste my skin, savoring the valley in between my breasts. All the while, his fingers went in and out of me at turtle speed.

My hands reached and fumbled at his pants. He had put them back on last night, I don't know why. I yanked them down, along with his underwear, pushing them past his ass. His long, hard cock came free and hit my lower abdomen. I looked down, wanting to finally see him.

It wasn't the greatest angle or light to get a full visual, but it was enough to know he was gorgeous. The head was a beautiful shade of pink and the perfect mushroom shape. I wrapped my palm around the base and felt the bulging veins. Shit was I a sucker for veins; they made the cock look more appetizing. I tended to prefer it rougher, so the veins also made the cock look more powerful. Like it would attack and violate my pussy in delicious ways.

He let out a grunt as his teeth scraped down my breast. "That feels fucking good."

I pumped my hand up and down at a steadfast speed. He might want things slow with my body, but I wanted to roughly take him to the edge, fast.

He spit out another curse, his head snapping up. A tiny vein on his temple became visible. He looked close to losing it. God, he looked handsome. I moved one hand to the tip and I twisted my wrist franticly while my other hand went up and down his shaft, my grip tightening.

His eyes snapped open with an animalistic look—the dragon was back in a more lethal way. A few more veins along his neck appeared. "God, you look handsome," I let out.

The dragon glaze left, only to be taken over by a more emotional gaze. I couldn't tell what he was feeling, but I didn't recognize it.

But as suddenly as it appeared, it left. The lust was back. Keeping hold of my eyes, his fingers picked up speed. The thumb on my clit moved at a frenzied pace.

My hips came off wildly from the bed. I could hear my screams echoing throughout the room, silencing the storm taking place outside. His fingers stretched my walls and curved up to hit my g-spot. His head dipped down, his mouth catching my nipple. His full lips wrapped nicely around it as his tongue made circles at the very tip. My toes curled from pleasure.

And he was trying to break me, my hand did not leave his cock. I knew what he was doing. He wanted to bring me to ecstasy first. But there was no way I was going to get there without him. One of my hands stayed on him while the other reached between our bodies and took hold of his balls, squeezing just enough to hear him whimper.

"Fuck," He let out. His teeth bit at my nipple. It was what I needed to come undone.

My legs shook frantically, my hips twitched, and my head was full of fog. I felt a jet of warm jizz land on my stomach. Namjoon let out a grunt as his heavy body fell on him. His balls grazed against my still-clothed pussy. I was so overly sensitive that the sensation caused an aftershock.

After a long moment, I came down from my high, as did Namjoon. I felt his lips against my collarbone, his breath heavy on me. He slowly got up from bed and left the room.

I let out a whine. Despite my body feeling too sore and my mind feeling ready to shut down, I liked his body on me.

When he was back at my side, he held a wet towel. He used it to clean me up. I smiled at his thoughtfulness. "Thank you." I reached up to touch his face lightly.

He kissed my palm. "Sleep." He placed the towel on his nightstand and got back into bed.

My body definitely wanted to obey. I turned on my side, my back to him, and took his hand. I pulled it to my chest to cuddle it like a teddy bear. "Wake me when you get up."

He placed the cover around us and settled behind me. He gave my neck a sweet peck. "Ok."

"Promise?" I wanted to rest, but not as much as I wanted to stay at his side.

"Promise," he vowed.

It was all I needed to allow slumber to take me away.


It was like I had slept for ten hours; I was so well-rested. I was happy to feel the giant man behind me; his arm nestled between my breasts as my hand wrapped around his wrist. It really felt like I was clutching a teddy bear.

"If you keep wiggling like that, we're going to have to go for a third round. And I don't think we have the time," a deep and groggy voice said behind me.

A smile spread as I turned around, finding Namjoon's gorgeous cocoa irises staring back at me. He sounded as if he had just woken up, but he looked fully awake.

"Good morning." The timbre in his voice made its way down to my core.

"Morning." I snuggled closer. "You promised you would wake me," I said with a pout.

"You said to wake you when I got up. I haven't moved from the bed," he promised, pecking me on the nose.

"Good," I said. "What time is it?"

"Still early enough." He pushed away a strand of hair away from my face. "The electricity is up again."

I turned to the hall and noticed the light on.

Namjoon's fingers continued to play with my hair. "We have time to get ready. Be present for breakfast so no one suspects a thing."

I wanted to argue about staying in bed for a while longer but knew it wasn't a good idea. Our schedule was full today—we didn't have much time.

"We're almost out of here," I said with a hint of sadness.

Namjoon pressed himself closer to me. "Yeah, but then we have our homes. We won't have to worry about anyone walking in on us. We'll be in one of our beds."

"We have full schedules right after leaving. I have my weekly chat with my Tia Jia on the day we're set to be back. I call when it's late at night for us."

He didn't see the big deal about it. "We'll meet the night after then."

"Don't you have a busy schedule for the rest of the week? And you normally work until late at night."

"So, I'll move things around," he said simply.

"You can't. The rest of your time throughout the day is full of meetings and rehearsals and studies," I reminded him.

He thought again. "Saturday night. I have half the day off. We can have our date, you can stay over at my place, and the next morning we can just stay in bed." He smiled, looking pleased with himself. "I don't have to be anywhere until noon Sunday. It'll be perfect."

I grinned, feeling the excitement of what the weekend would bring. "We can do lunch every day for the rest of the week, right?"

He nodded and smiled, showing me his dimples. "Of course. You're buying."

I feigned a look of shock. "So now that we're together you're tossing away all politeness?"

"I'm progressive, baby," he joked.

I smacked him and he let out a light chuckle.

And after a small moment, I let out a heavy sigh. "I'll shower first since I take the longest."

He looked so good laying there half naked. I left the room in a hurry before I gave in to temptation.


Of all the days we had been in the forest, today was the longest. The workshop was more intense, and we felt more pressure to complete a song. The storm had unexpectedly intensified and was heading straight to us. We were to get the worst of it today and tomorrow. The roads were closed, so we were now stuck. We wanted to do as much as we could and as fast as possible.

We decided to divide and conquer, splitting into groups and assigning different roles so we could get this song done and sent to Sihyuk before the electricity went out.

There had been two songs that held the potential of being completed by today. I had participated in the work progress on both songs, but one there was one song I had felt more inclined to fight for. It had a neo-soul feel to it and would be perfect for Tae's voice. However, the guys unanimously decided the song was better suited for a female voice.

As I worked alongside Taehyung, Yoongi, and Jungkook, I was still a little sour. We were still semi-discussing it.

"It's a really good song, but my voice is too deep for it," Taehyung insisted when I made my argument about it being a great sound for him.

"It has a flirtatious sound," Yoongi added. "Better if a woman's voice is used."

"Taehyung's voice is sultry and sexy—it's perfect for a flirtatious sound," I countered.

Jungkook shook his head. "Woman's voice sounds sexier."

"Says you who is a heterosexual male," I snapped.

At this point, Jungkook turned to his brothers and let out a laugh. "She's not getting the hint."

Yoongi shook his head. "Ahhh, Maya. Honestly, you might have a higher-than-average IQ, but common sense doesn't come naturally for you, does it?"

Jungkook and Yoongi laughed and I flipped both of them off.

Taehyung was too much of a sweetheart to laugh at me and ignored Jungkook. "Noona, we feel this song is for you."

I was taken aback by this. "I'm not coming out with an album, so pretty sure this song is going to be put on the shelf and collect dust until I find a new artist for it."

Taehyung turned irritated. "No, this song is yours. The words, the sound—it screams Maya. It is such a waste that you continue to push back on making music. An absolute sadness. You are an incredible artist—you need to be making music for yourself."

"Where's your mixtape then? Or Jungkook's?" I countered.

"I'm working on mine," Jungkook defended himself.

"And I'm incredibly indecisive—I've changed my mind too much," Tae stated. "It's going to take me a long time to figure myself out as a solo artist—to build an entire album that fully suits me. You, on the other hand, have been a soloist all your career."

The guys didn't fully understand and maybe that was my fault for not explaining myself fully to them. I decided to use the same words I had used with Namjoon about a year ago after his constant pressure to get me back into music. "It's not so easy, Tae. I can't just create music for myself without inspiration. I can write for others just fine. Create one single song with one idea in mind—no problem. But to construct a full album that will represent me in some kind of way takes a lot. I need a vision—a muse of some sort. And I haven't had that."

They were quiet for a moment, but then Yoongi spoke up. "Well, when you're ready to come out with a new album, you should use this because it feels like it's yours."

Jungkook and Tae both nodded.

We continued with our work; the topic of my music being put to rest.

It was close to dinner time when we wrapped it all up. Somehow we managed to work through the heavy winds and rattling windows. The rain had gotten heavier. It had been a long day, but it was not completely done for the guys. They still had a phone conference to make with the execs about their final decisions on the song. I wasn't part of the meeting, so I decided to head to the kitchen to get dinner ready.

The storm was making the house chilly, so being in the kitchen would warm me up. The ondol was working just fine, but I was still cold. I decided to make knife-cut noodles soup and two different jeon. The guys had mentioned how this was a favorite of theirs on rainy days.

Feeling this wouldn't be enough to feed 7 hungry fully-grown men, I decided on making a few side dishes and dessert. It would be a good idea to have leftovers, just in case we lost power again during the rest of our time here.

I checked the clock. The meeting was sure to wrap up soon. I usually cleaned as I cooked, but my mind had been on multiple dishes rather than tidying up. Now, it looked as if the storm in the house had come through and made a mess of everything. I knew if the guys saw the chaos, they would scold me for doing too much. They preferred things to be fair. There were always at least two cooking something while the others set things up and tidied the mess. And here I was trying to handle everything for eight people. In Latin culture, it was the women who were the pleasers. It was a part of me that I fought against once in a while. I was normally good about not giving in to old patriarch ways but sometimes, my old habits came back.

Suddenly, the thought of the guys lecturing me, the concern about the quality of my cooking, and the pressure I put on myself started clouding my head. Also, most importantly, the fact that we would soon be leaving. As soon as this storm stopped, we were to go back. Namjoon and my relationship would no longer be a secret. The guys would soon know. BH staff would be finding out about us. Sihyuk would be told. We would have to sneak off and be careful in public.

The stress quickly sent me on a downward spiral; I didn't catch it on time. My palms had gotten sweaty, my breathing was inconsistent, and my pulse was faster than usual. I needed to get a handle on this before it got worse.

I remembered my therapist—remembered my steps. I placed a hand on my chest and the other on my stomach. I inhaled, counted for a few seconds, and let out slow breaths. I kept my eyes closed as I repeated my mantra. One step…. Breath in. One step…. Breath out. One Step.

I allowed myself to feel the panic running through me but kept my breathing in check. Dr. Rob had stated I needed to allow my body to feel the emotions—however intense. It was a good thing I was sensing these emotions, I just had to regulate myself.

Slowly, I felt myself calming down. I wasn't at 100% yet when I heard the sliding door open. I took a final breath and did my best to appear normal.

"Ohhhh! Maya, it smells good," complimented Hobi, who was the first to enter.

"Need help?" asked Jin, who was right at Hobi's heels, eyes right on the stove.

I was about to answer, but Hobi's reaction cut me off.

His eyes went wide as he looked around the kitchen. "Maya, what happened?"

"It looks like the storm came in here," joked Jungkook, staring at my mess.

Namjoon had made his way next to me. "Shouldn't take long to clean up." He rolled up his sleeves. "Jungwah, help with the plating. Jiminie, set the table; Taehyung, help me with the dishes." I felt his warm hand on my lower back and felt a soft kiss on top of my head. "Go sit down, Mai. We got the rest."

I looked up at him, ready to tell him I was ok with at least plating but Jin started to pull me out of the kitchen. "Do as you're told." He then jumped to Jungkook's side and started transferring the food onto serving plates.

Yoongi had finished washing his hands. "What should I do?"

I saw the rest of the guys had the kitchen under control, so I made a request. "Can you serve the makgeolli?"

He pointed at me with approval, "That is why you're my favorite." He hurried over to the alcohol.

Namjoon was arms deep in the sink, cleaning a pot, as he let out a chuckle. "That hurts our feelings, hyung," he said to Yoongi over his shoulder.

Jimin was getting chopsticks and spoons for everyone when he took notice of something on the very back kitchen counter. "Churros!" His eyes were big and I could see his drool.

I let out a groan. I had wanted the churros to be a surprise.

"Fresh churros?!" Jungkook rushed over to Jimin's side.

Hobi hurried over as well. "Wahhhhh!" He looked equally excited.

I rushed over but was too late; the three animals had taken a bite. I smacked all of their hands lightly. According to their pouts, you would think I had hit them with a belt. "This is dessert!"

They let out a giggle as they continued to chew.

"I want some," Taehyung pouted.

Hobi hand-fed Taehyung the rest of his. Meanwhile, Jungkook gave the rest of his to the oldest. Jimin hurried over to Yoongi to feed him his.

"Hyung, want one?" Jungkook asked Namjoon, who had finished the dishes and was now washing his hands.

Namjoon didn't hesitate to shake his head. "No."

Jungkook was about to reach for another one, but Namjoon's quick and long hands got there first. "Mai said after dinner," Namjoon said with finality.

Jungkook gave a small pout but covered the pastries and walked out.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Jin's smile and heard his teasing laughter. No one said anything, but I could feel the looks they were giving each other. I pretended not to notice and made my way to the table.

With seven helpful hands, the kitchen no longer looked like ground zero and the table was nicely set up. We all sat together and ate, the guys giving me praises almost every minute.

"Noona, you did too much. You should have let us help," Taehyung said with a look of concern. "You had a long day too; you're tired."

"You'll exhaust yourself," added Jungkook.

An uneasy feeling crept into my stomach. Here comes the lecture.

Namjoon placed his arm on the back of my seat; I noticed how he straightened his back a little as he spoke up. "She wanted to do something nice. It makes her feel good doing things for others. It's her love language."

This caught me off guard. "My love language?"

He gave a slight nod as the corners of his mouth slightly went up. "You do big things or little things to show you care. You, Jin-hyung, and Suga are similar in that way. Dr. Gary Chapman calls it 'Acts of Service'. That's the way you give love."

I tried to push down the embarrassment that he knew this trait about me. I could feel everyone's eyes on me because they all began to murmur about how true this observation was. I wanted the conversation pushed away from me. "Then, I would say yours is giving praises. You love complimenting people."

Namjoon nodded and gave a shy smile. "Yeah, it is. Chapman calls it 'Words of Affirmation'."

"Namjoonie is always giving compliments," Jin added.

"He likes to build people up that way," added Hobi.

"It works well for me. He gives such good and genuine words," Taehyung said, which made Namjoon turn a little shy.

For the next few minutes, the guys went on about how this key trait of Namjoon made him such a great leader. I didn't add anything but sat back and enjoyed the endless compliments my best friend received. Everyone had something to say except for Jimin, who was being very quiet.

It was at that moment that I realized Jimin had been especially silent today. But maybe I was imagining it. We had taken part in two separate groups today so I hadn't seen much of him.

I would have to ask Namjoon later if he had noticed something.

It took a moment for the conversation to turn elsewhere.

After dinner was finished, we had our churros with makgeolli. To keep Hobi and Jin from yelling every few seconds from the noise, we made sure to keep the music on blast. Thankfully, the electricity was still working. For the next hour, we sat around one last time in the living room, enjoying each other's company as the storm roared outside.

While I very much wanted to hurry over to the small house for private time with Namjoon, I also wanted to stay and hang out with my friends. There weren't too many of these kinds of nights left between us. They would soon be working on their individual projects and then who knows what else. Military service was still up in the air.

And after all the drinking and my mini anxiety episode from earlier, I felt a heaviness on my chest that was getting harder to ignore. I was certain I was going to start crying soon, thinking about how next year looked so unsure.

"Mai, you look exhausted. You should go sleep," Namjoon's calm and steady voice said.

I turned to him, feeling wetness in my eyes. And I noticed all the guys were looking at me with concern. I knew they noticed my unshed tears because they looked away, some looked as if they themselves were about to start crying. As if they felt why I was upset.

"We still got a bit more work," Namjoon said. "I'll get Jungkook to take me," Namjoon said. "Just be careful as you use the ATV."

The winds were still pretty intense, but thankfully, the ATVs were making it easy to move between houses.

I set my cup down on the table and bid goodnight to everyone. I hurried to the back of the house, Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi right behind me to see I got to the house ok. I fought off the wind as I made my way to the ATV. Thankfully, I made it to the front of the backhouse in less than 20 seconds. The guys made sure I was safely inside before they let me out of their side. I waved at them and closed the door. And the moment I did so, my own personal waterworks came pouring down.

Heartbreaking thoughts made their way into my head. Thoughts of me in the States. Not in Seoul. Images of the guys going their separate ways—even if it was for a little while. Images of them being called to serve….

Maybe I should extend my visa for another six months. If things with the guys were going to change soon, I wanted to be around for as long as I could. I wanted to take advantage of seeing them as much as possible.

I started to feel a little calmer. However, I was still shaking. I needed to use my exercises.

Before I could force my body to start the exercise, steadily large hands were on me. I felt a strong palm pressing against my chest while another held me steady around the stomach.

Namjoon pulled me back into his embrace and I allowed myself to be embraced. This wasn't the first time he witnessed one of my episodes. He had assisted in calming me down before. He knew what to do.

I felt his chest pressed up against my back and felt him take a deep breath. I mimicked his actions and only released the air when I felt his body doing so. He took in another solid breath and my lungs repeated the action. I placed my hands on top of his and let out my breath after his.

We did this until my heart rate was back to normal. "I'm ok," I assured him.

But he didn't let go. Quite the opposite. He squeezed me closer to him and moved his nose to my neck, breathing in my scent. "Want to talk about it?"

No, I didn't want to talk about it but knew I had to. "It just became a little too much. I wanted to do something special for all of you since it's almost over…." I felt a knot forming in my throat at thinking about this again. "Soon, we'll be going back to the real world. We won't be here anymore…."

He didn't respond, waiting to see if I had more to say. And when I continued staying silent, he spoke, "What is it that's worrying you?"

Leaving, I wanted to admit. But I couldn't. It would lead to a whole other conversation that I couldn't handle right now. I knew he would ask me what I wanted from the future; when we saw each other months from now, but I didn't know how to answer him. With my exes, this conversation came up months after dating. Namjoon and I hadn't been together for a week! I didn't know how things would be in a month from now. And that fact absolutely petrified me.

I wanted to tell him all of this—he was my best friend; I shared everything with him. But I felt I needed to figure things out before I shared this particular worry with him, so I gave him a half-truth. "We've hidden our closeness before from the public but it's going to be different now. Before, we were hiding a platonic friendship; now, we're going to hide a romantic relationship. With us telling the guys about us, it's only a matter of time before your staff starts getting suspicious. And then Seijin will question you about it. And he'll go to Sihyuk." How would the head of Namjoon's record label react? Would he want Namjoon to terminate the relationship? Would he cut all ties with me professionally? "And if he comes to you about us, what will you say?" I asked him.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked.

It was not the response I wanted to hear. It triggered an irritation in me. I stepped out of his embrace. "Could you stop responding to me with a question? Or are you just dodging your own emotions over this and putting everything on me?"

He looked taken aback by my response. "What am I putting on you?"

Another question—it made me want to scream at him.

He caught his mistake instantly as he saw my visceral reaction. "Sorry, it just came out." He took a pause and took a step back, looking confident and calm—like he always did. "I don't know what you mean about me wanting to put everything on you. I'm genuinely confused."

My instinct told me he was trying to manipulate things. Trying to expose my vulnerabilities in a roundabout way instead of asking me a direct question. "I want to hear from you—get your thinking process about all of this. But you keep asking me lead-on questions like you know the answer to them—which I bet you do since you know me better than I know myself." It was the truth. He knew what was going on in my head and emotions before I figured it out myself. And I've never enjoyed it. "But you're pissing me off right now. Because it seems as if you're focusing too much on me so the questions don't turn to you."

He didn't say anything; he just kept quiet and collected as my voice grew in volume. He was used to arguments and feelings being out of control. A decade with his six brothers taught him how to handle situations when emotions were running on high. When I saw how he handled his brothers, I found it admirable. But right now I was wallowing in my anger, so his composure was infuriating.

I knew I was being irrational. I knew I was just picking a fight, so I took a moment to be angry at him—imagine myself kicking him—but seeing how calm he remained, logic clicked in my head. I took his lead, taking a breath to get ahold of my emotions.

After a good minute, when he felt my energy had changed, he spoke. "I think you're scared."

I felt my heartbeat start up again. My stomach started to churn. I was scared and I hated, once again, that he knew this before I did. I really wish I was a harder book to read for him.

His eyes never moved from mine. "You're too worried about the future that you're just wanting to ignore it. It's easy here, in this house. It's just the two of us. But soon you won't be able to avoid it. I have no problem in telling you what I want from us, but we both know that you're not ready to hear it yet, so I'll wait until you are." His calm and cool demeanor leveled me down. I really didn't understand how he could make me feel so many different emotions.

He continued talking. "And regarding what I would like to say to Sihyuk if he questioned me about our relationship is irrelevant. Because it's not about what I want to say to him, it's about what we want. I don't half-ass a relationship, especially not with you. I'm not going to make any decisions about us without discussing every bit of them with you first."

I nodded, understanding. And I started to feel the guilt of my outburst.

"So, I'll rephrase: how do you want to proceed with us?" he asked.

I thought about it, choosing my words carefully. And I didn't give him a half-truth this time. "I want to take things slow—but not too slow," I instantly added.

"By not 'too slow', you're meaning sex, right?" he teased, trying to lighten the mood.

It helped because it got me to smile and feel loose. "Yes."

He nodded. "Fair enough. But if we're not going 'too slow' with sex, then I don't want to go 'too slow' emotionally."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to be committed. I want to be exclusive. There's protocol that is followed in Big Hit when it comes to relationships, and I already want to inform them of us. Keeping you a secret is just idiotic. There's no reason in hiding you—hiding us." There it was. He was finally speaking aloud some of his wants for us.

Strangely, his words—his truth—didn't trigger me. I remained calm.

"I want to be committed, too," I said. "And I have no problem telling the guys tomorrow."

"Ok, telling the guys is fine, but professionally are we telling anyone else?"

I took a breath and thought about the best words to use. "I wouldn't mind you telling Seijin or anyone else you whole-heartedly trust, so as long as Sihyuk doesn't find out. He's not really my boss, but he is yours. I'm worried of what might happen if he disagrees with us being together."

Namjoon didn't look bothered. "There's always been girlfriends with the members. He's never cared as long we keep it private."

"It's different with me," I say.

"How so? Because you're a mega superstar?" he gave me a teasing smile.

He got me to crack a smile, but I forced myself to stay on topic. "I'm always around you guys and I also have media that follows me. It's going to be difficult sneaking off."

"You seem to forget that Jungkook dated an idol for a while."

I actually did remember. "Yeah and looked how stressed they both were at trying to keep it secret—not that it was well hidden. Most of the public had the suspicion."

"So, you're saying we'd be stressed about it too? We shouldn't continue with this?" He said these words, but I knew he didn't mean them. It was a rhetorical question.

"No. I want to be with you, and I'll put on a burka out in public to get to you if I have to."

He smiled because he knew I was serious.

"But Sihyuk might not want to deal with the headache of trying to help us out."

Namjoon shrugged, not finding this to be a concern. "There's a whole dedicated team that handles these issues. Sihyuk sleeps soundly at night, I can guarantee you."

I didn't respond. I still didn't want Sihyuk to find out. I wasn't quite sure why.

We stood in silence for a long moment. I was trying to work up the nerve to apologize for my behavior. I knew I had to.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I was stressed and having one of my episodes, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you," I said sincerely. I made my eyes never break contact with his.

The corners of his mouth went slightly up. "You didn't yell. And it's not like we haven't had an argument before. This wasn't any different than the other times we've had them. There have been a lot worse arguments between you and me." He took a few steps toward me, filling the gap. "I always want to hear you speak your mind. No matter the emotion."

Shyly, I ducked my head, feeling my face turn a shade of pink.

"Are you too upset with me to sleep with me tonight?" he asked, giving me a pouty look.

I let out a laugh. "That depends. Are we just going to cuddle or are we going to do the same as this morning?" I looked up at him with a coy look.

"Well, I was actually thinking of letting you ride my face, but if your only two options are cuddle or finger-fuck, then I guess I'll go with the latter." He took my hand and started to lead me to the stairs.

"No, no, no! Riding your face was totally an option!" I was right at his heels, pushing him faster towards his room.

He let out a dramatic sigh. "No, fair is fair. Only two options were given."

I swatted his arm. "Kim Namjoon!"

The night went similarly to the one before. His fingers took me to ecstasy several times. Unfortunately, there was zero face-fucking. I have a feeling that even if I hadn't said anything, we wouldn't have moved on to that stage. He wanted to take his time with us.

But it was probably a good thing we didn't go further. My voice was hoarse by the time we fell asleep. Thank god for the thunder and wind outside, for they swallowed my screams.