Trigger warning/spoilers: talk of trauma, implied abusive/toxic relationship, implied sexual abuse/assault

[AN: Much shorter chapter than the rest that has been released, but we finally get to meet Tia Jia and more of Maya's background and trauma are explored. Nothing too specific, but if you're triggered, please skip the chapter.]

-That Night-

I had been completely immersed in writing this new song that I lost track of time. Once I was satisfied with my work, I checked the clock and was surprised to see how late it was. I checked my phone to see if I had missed a call from Namjoon.

Thankfully, I hadn't. However, there were a couple of messages I had missed.

MONI: My parents surprised me with a visit. Going to have dinner with them. I'll call you tonight.

Feeling slightly bummed at not seeing him, I decided to make the best of the rest of my night.

I needed a recharge—my body was screaming for attention. After a week full of nonstop work and all the attention it had given Namjoon, there had been little to no rest. A long, hot bath would make up for the neglect.

As I ran the bath, I did a deep therapy cleanse on my hair in the shower. Once it was properly cared for, I wrapped it in my microfiber towel and kept it up. I turned off the bath water and threw in different salts. After ensuring the water was just the right amount of scorching hot, I went to the kitchen to hunt down the perfect wine.

I could feel my body and mind being incredibly grateful for the attention.

With the glass of wine in hand, I went back to the bath and sunk deep into its pleasurably hot essence. I let out a most gratifying moan. My skin felt like it was burning, causing my muscles to loosen. I placed the wine down carefully beside me, hung my neck out of the tub, and allowed my eyelids to close.

As I rested, my thoughts flew to the amazing nights in that back house. It wasn't just the time Namjoon and I had in the bed that I thought of, but the smaller moments when no one else was around. The simple touches, the dinner alone, how different his smiles looked to me. They felt a little shier, but also bolder. Sexier. Cuter. Sweeter.

I wasn't sure how long I was in dreamland, but I was ripped out of it far too soon.

My phone buzzed, pulling me out of my sweet reverie. I sat upright and dashed for my phone, hoping it was Namjoon.

The screen showed someone else's face. It was a video call. I declined it but answered the voice call. "Hi, Tia. Sorry, I'm in the bath."

"Well, hurry and get dressed," she sounded impatient. "What's the news?"

I began to get out of the bath as I put my aunt on speaker. "Well, I have a boyfriend now."

There was a long moment of silence as I dumped the water. I put the robe around and questioned if the call had dropped. "Tia?"

"You're not kidding me, are you?" my aunt's voice finally said.

"When have I ever joked with you about having a boyfriend?"

"Well, how is it that I never heard you liking a guy? Last date you went on was months ago—at least the last one you told me about."

"Everything happened so suddenly," I said as I changed into my night clothes.

"How suddenly?"

"A week," I said with a small voice. I knew it sounded bad.

There was a long pause. I could practically hear her thinking. Then, she understood. "With Namjoon?!"

"Yes."

"Are you dressed already, child?"

"Yeah, hold on. Let me call you from my tablet." I hung up on her and hurried to my working area, where my tablet was.

After she instantly answered, I told her about the week—sparing her the too explicit details but hinting that Namjoon and I had gotten physical.

I was expecting her to be more surprised about what occurred, but she was very accepting.

"I knew there was something there," she said. "The way you always talk about him was too suspicious."

"How do I talk about him?" I asked, curious.

"I don't know…there's always a lightness. And you bring him up in whatever conversation we're having. You like saying his name." Tia Jia had a teasing smile on her face.

I felt myself getting a little self-conscious about her observation. "I don't think I realized how much I liked him until last week."

She gave me a frown. "Why did you feel you needed to hide that you liked him?"

I shrugged. "I didn't think he liked me back, so what was the point?"

Tia Jia was quiet for a moment but then gave an honest response. "You've never shied away before from admitting your feelings towards a guy. When the guy hasn't asked you early enough, you're the one who makes the move even when you're not sure if he likes you back."

I noticed one of the stickers on my laptop cover was coming off. I began to pick at it as I answered my aunt. "It's different this time, tia."

"How?" she asked gently.

I continued to pick at the sticker. "He's different. He's intelligent," I began to say.

"Your investor ex had an IQ of 155," Tia Jia interrupted.

"He's artistic," I continued, still messing with the sticker.

"You dated an actor who has multiple Tonys and Oscars."

"He's gifted."

"Jerry handled a high-profile case at one of the most prestigious firms in New York at the age of 26. He was made partner three years after."

"He's incredibly kind."

"All of those three men were very sweet. Quit trying to distract yourself and focus."

I pulled my hand away from the sticker. I knew she wasn't going to let me get away with it. Didn't like me lying and dodging questions and issues. I had to be honest. "Namjoon is a musician and powerful in the industry."

The comment this time wasn't meant as a compliment. And in my tone and use of words, my tia understood.

As we stayed in silence, the weight of the truth hung in the air. I was pulled back to old memories. Moments I had discussed in therapy and discovered how they attributed to my anxiety attacks. My body no longer reacted as intensely as it did when I thought about that part of my life. I used to shake in anger and cry because of it. Now, it simply made my heart rate speed a bit when I thought of it. Dr. Rob said it would take time.

My tia allowed me time to process things. I imagined she was going through her own emotions about my past. She did her best to control her own feelings for my benefit; being the parent I needed.

I took a breath, allowing my heart rate to slow before continuing. "I know it's been years. I know I'm not that person anymore—I'll never allow myself to get into those situations again. But I made a promise to myself back then." I finally shifted my eyes to look back at the screen. "No musicians. No one in the industry."

The screen was big enough to see my aunt's face, but half her face was hidden since her hand rested against it. She still said nothing.

"I know Namjoon is far from those…two." Even after therapy, I still couldn't bring myself to say my ex's name (who I often referred to as "asshole") and the name of the other piece of shit who had taken something from me (I referred to him as Piece of Shit, or POS). Their names were ones I wanted to bury and never think of again.

"But in many ways," I continued to say, "Namjoon has a lot of things in common as the asshole." A slight feeling of fear crept inside me at the thought that I was comparing my amazing best friend to the asshole who damaged me. "His swag, clothing style, his talk, his walk…. I intentionally searched for guys who looked and acted the complete opposite of the asshole. I didn't want Namjoon to be my type.

"I used to get so turned off when I would see that kind of guy. But with Namjoon…. When I see these qualities in him, I feel like a teenager." I got a picture of Namjoon in my head. Him sitting in a chair with his legs spread open and back slouched. His baggy clothes, baseball cap covering half his face, and Timberlands made me want to crawl into his lap. "I get giddy inside. But, then I worry because…does this mean I still inherently have the same issues?"

Finally, my aunt spoke up. "How do you feel when you see him dressed up? In slacks with a dress shirt and shoes? How about when he's wearing a long coat during the winter?"

I imagined Namjoon in the clothing my aunt had described and felt a tingle of warmth. My mind then remembered the time he had worn high overalls and big, round prescribed glasses. And I felt the same warmth making its way through me.

My aunt could feel my mood changing, even from the thousands of miles that separated us. "I think you like Namjoon despite the qualities that he shares with the asshole. You didn't start liking Namjoon because of his looks. You've been getting to know him more these last two years and it's been his special qualities—his intelligence, his talent, his compassion—that have drawn you in. It doesn't matter what he's wearing. Whatever he has on, you're going to find attractive."

I felt my heart rate slow down.

My aunt continued to calm me. "As you said before, you're not the same person you used to be. You will never allow yourself to be in a toxic and abusive relationship like before. And Namjoon will never be that asshole."

I nodded, knowing this.

"And what that piece of shit did to you, you are not at fault. You were a victim. A powerful man took advantage of a vulnerable situation. You were in shock."

My past with my ex was easier to think about. I had been younger and had taken retaliation on him. However, the incident with the piece of shit had been more recent. It's what caused my last panic attack. I had never felt more helpless and weaker than that day in that room. I should have yelled out. I should have stood up. I should have slapped him. I should have at least made a spectacle when leaving.

"Hey," my aunt's voice pulled me out of the darkness that threatened to pull me in. "Don't go there."

I took a breath and repeated the mantra Dr. Rob had taught me. He had said this was going to be an ongoing struggle.

"Is this what's holding you back from Namjoon?" Tia Jia asked.

"What do you mean?"

She took a breath. "I worry you're not going to give this relationship a shot."

"I am giving this a shot. We're together now," I said.

She had a look on her face like she was looking into my soul and trying to read me. "Are you sure?"

Like Namjoon, sometimes I felt my aunt knew me better than I knew myself. "I think so."

Tia Jia stayed quiet for a beat, still staring at me. "Ok," she accepted my answer.

After the emotional moment, I felt the need to slightly change the subject. "We have our first date this weekend."

This perked her up. "Ooooh. Where are you guys going?"

"I have no idea. He wants to keep it a secret," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Has he given any hints?"

"Close to zero."

"How are you supposed to know what to wear?!"

"That's what I'm saying!"

"Talk to one of the guys and see if they'll spill some things to you about it."

This is why I loved talking to my aunt. She always thought of solutions when I couldn't think of any. "Good idea."

We went on to talk for another hour before hanging up.

I realized I was still in my bathrobe so I decided to finally clothe up for bed.

Just as I got casually dressed, I received a reminder about my phone meeting with my manager. I gave gratitude to my past self for setting up the reminder because I had completely forgotten about it.

No more than five minutes later, my manager was giving me a call.

"How did it go?" Kyung asked as he let out a loud yawn.

"Good," I answered, knowing he was meaning the workshops. "How are you still waking up? Don't you have a kid?" I asked, confused.

"I've been up for two hours," he answered. "It takes me three hours to wake up. I'm already on my third cup of coffee. Don't believe me, ask Yori. She's right next to me."

In the background, I could hear his wife teasing him and calling him a liar.

I laughed, enjoying how the pair of them were with each other. "Ky, if you don't treat your wife well, I'm gonna have to tell on you to Eomma."

"Were you just on the phone with her? I tried calling her for almost an hour and she wasn't answering me," he asked with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance.

"Maybe," I said.

This was how and why Ky was my manager. We had known each other all our lives because our mothers were best friends. The woman who birthed me couldn't be bothered being a present mother, so I spent the majority of my childhood days over at Tia Jia's. Because of this, I naturally became close with her two children; Ky being one of those children.

Ky had always been great at business and took an interest in the music industry. After graduating from college with honors, he climbed far in the music world. So much so that when I had decided to give in to the music bug, I had asked Ky to be my manager.

"I'm the one with a child," Ky said, interrupting my thoughts. "I need Eomma more." He was so pouty.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Is there a real reason for this phone call? I got things to do."

"Like what?" he challenged. "I know your entire schedule. Unless you recently started seeing a guy that I don't know about, you ain't got nothing going on in your boring life." A loud slap could be heard. "Ow! What was that for?"

In the background, I could hear his wife, Yori, scolding him.

"Thank you, Yori. Could you hit him once more for me?" I asked, knowing full well she was in earshot that she could hear my request.

An even louder slap with an even louder whimper followed.

"Sorry! I'm sorry," Ky pleaded, but I wasn't sure if he was saying it to his wife or me.

I fought back my laugh. "What's the reason I scheduled this call, Ky?"

"I just wanted to see how the workshop went. That's all." His voice sounded suspicious.

I tried to reserve vocal suspicion.

"Create any new songs?"

"Some."

"Any of them special, you think?"

I thought about it. "I really liked one in particular, but the guys took interest in another one."

"Really? Are they keeping both?" His voice was fully engaged.

"No, just one. The other, the one I preferred, is gonna have to be shelved." I remembered the talk I had with some of the guys and their insistence that the song wasn't for them. I was still disappointed.

"That's a bummer."

"Yeah," I agreed. "And they could have done a killer job on it." I knew I still sounded bummed about it.

"Did you fully finish it?"

"No. Since they decided to go with the other one, I had to set it aside."

"Why not work on it now? It's still fresh in your mind. Sounds like you really liked it."

I thought about it for a moment. He had a point. I did want to finish that song.

Suddenly, there crying in the background. "Hey, Mayita, I'll call you later. Looks like Yori needs reinforcement."

"Alright. Kisses to Manny."

We said our goodbyes and hung up.

After putting down the phone, I stayed in the hall, looking into my home office. The song I had created but had been rejected by the guys in my mind. Ky's words repeated in my head and I decided he was right. I should finish the song.

With the keyboard, computer, a notepad, and my mic in front of me, I continued to play around with lyrics using the music I had written.

I continued to record and reword some lines for the next hour until my phone began to buzz. I immediately saved my work when I saw Namjoon pop on my phone screen. I answered as I disconnected my equipment.

"Hi," I said, trying to hold back my enthusiasm. Honestly, I felt like a teenager.

"Hey, sorry. My parents stayed over a lot later than I thought they would," he said. His voice sounded as deep and rich as always, making me melt at my feet.

"It's ok. How are they?" I made my way to my bedroom, wanting to be somewhere cozy as I talked to him.

"Good. They wish you good health."

I felt a sudden bunch of nerves as I got into bed. "Did you tell them about us?"

He let out a chuckle. "What do you think? Didn't you tell your aunt about us?"

My stomach started to churn. I let out a moan. "What did your mom say?"

"She's happy for me," he said. I could practically hear the smile on his face.

"Really?"

"Yes. She likes you. Wants us over for dinner soon."

I felt like I wanted to throw up.

"Don't worry. I told her it was going to be a while. We're just starting out and don't want to rush everything."

My stomach settled a little. "Thank you."

"No need to. I'm doing it for selfish reasons."

"Selfish reasons?" I didn't understand.

"If we have dinner with my parents that just means there's less time I get to have you by myself. I want to be greedy first." His voice had gotten lower, sexier as he said this.

I got wet hearing him. "I like that you're greedy," I said in a low voice myself.

"Hmmmm. What are you doing right now?"

"Nothing." I laid down on my back and slipped inside the covers. "Just getting ready for bed." I made sure I made some extra noise as I settled into the sheets so he could hear and imagine.

I could hear a moan. "What are you wearing?"

"A t-shirt and panties." I intentionally lowered my voice and made it sound sultry.

A louder moan. "God, I want to be there and see myself."

"Come over then," I offered.

"As tempting as it is, I really shouldn't."

I didn't want to push or tempt him too much. "Fine," I said with a pout.

"You sound cute when you're disappointed," he teased.

"Shut up," I said. "So what did Sejin have to say?" I asked, changing the subject.

Namjoon's voice turned a different kind of excited. "Ready for some awesome news?"

"What happened?" I couldn't help feeling excited, he sounded so enthused.

"Guess who just got a spot at this year's Jingle Ball in LA?"