"Luke?" she says, sitting up quickly and wiping the tears from her eyes.
Rory looks from her mother to Luke, not knowing what to do in this situation, and not wanting to leave her mom's side yet.
Oh God, why did he have to be here, especially after this little breakdown. Why is he here? He's never here anymore.
When he sees her wiping tears from her eyes he runs up the stairs and kneels down next to where she is sitting, grabbing her hand in his.
"What's wrong? Are you okay? What happened?" he starts to get more and more frantic, completely unaware of it being all about him.
She can't even look him in the eye, not because she's mad at him, but because she just doesn't feel like she can face him anymore. I don't want to tell him about this. I don't want to talk to him about us. She looks to Rory, who is still looking at her with concern.
"Rory, why don't you go inside while I talk to Luke."
"Why don't I just go back to school for the weekend, I can come visit next weekend, and we can have…"
"No…I want you here…please" she says with tears welling in her eyes, knowing that what is about to happen is going to change lives for good or bad, who knows?
"Okay, just…come get me if you need me, okay?"
Luke and Lorelai watch her walk into the house, seeing her give a cautious glance back at the pair before stepping inside.
Now, grabbing her other hand in a similar manner, he tries to catch her eyes with no success. He waits patiently as she works through things in his head.
FLASHY
"are you…uh…scared?"
She looks down with a grin and back up to him, letting her smile get wider. I never thought that I would let myself fully admit that I have loved Luke for a long time. I have loved him forever, not been in love with him, which is a big difference. I never listened to them about how he only flirted with me or how he was always jealous, maybe because I would then have to think about him, which would then lead to thinking about him and me, which always ended in a mess. As I'm sitting here though, I'm watching him, and his nervous but familiar movements and I realize that I'm totally okay with thinking about it now…about him and me…if he's all in, then I'm all in.
"No, not scared."
"So…"
"Luke, how long?" Do I really want him to answer this question?
"I don't know. I don't know when loving you became being in love with you."
Yet again he surprises me with the way that he can be in my head, or maybe we're just so perfect for each other like everyone says we are.
"Lorelai, after you walked into the diner for the first time, and I absolutely hated you for annoying me, I'm not going to lie and say that I kept thinking about you all day, distracted and googly eyed. However, I kept the horoscope because it was quirky…something someone never did, and you said it would bring me good luck, so I saved it. The next time I cleaned out my wallet, I found the little piece of paper buried there and realized how much I liked you coming in the diner, and how you lit the place up when you did, so again, I kept it. I think that a few years ago, I was searching for something and I came across it again, and I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. I kept asking myself why, and then it hit me that you were a hell of a lot more to me than a customer…you were my friend…probably my best friend, and I had loved you and Rory and your craziness for a long time."
With tears in her eyes, she scoots over to sit next to him.
"What are you doing?"
Smiling back at him, she replies "Will you just sit still?" and kisses him softly.
"Well well well you two! You know this is a family restaurant!" Masie says as the two separate and she places their meals in front of them.
"Your little Lucas is just too darn cute to resist, that I couldn't help myself." Lorelai says, laughing that they got caught and that Luke has turned about fifteen shades of red.
"Enjoy your meal now kids, and we'll be back later with some dessert for you."
"Thank you Masie", Lorelai adds as she's walking away from the table.
Not wanting to move farther away from him, she grabs his hand under the table and uses her other hand to spoon a forkful of food into her mouth. I could get used to this. I could really get used to this…for a really long time.
END FLASHY
"Hey, can you tell me what's wrong?" he whispers softly while squeezing her hands.
"It's us…that's what is wrong, Luke" she says back, equally as soft.
As he looks at her, not understanding what is going on she pulls her hands from his and hugs her knees close to her body.
"I have been so off and so not right for a while now and you didn't even notice."
"Well, we've both been busy the past month or so—"
"You've been busy…I've been waiting for you to notice that our relationship isn't what it used to be."
"Lorelai, it is just as strong as it used to be… I am so in love with you, and I care so much about you, and I want to marry you."
"Luke, you used to be able to read me so well. You knew when something was wrong, you knew when I lied to you. You were in my head, and I loved it, because no one has ever been able to do that with me. I knew that you were it for me, but you haven't been on top of your game for a while now."
"I'm still the same Luke, and I guess that I haven't paid as close attention, but I would know if something was really wrong."
Oh, you'd really know, huh? I really don't want to have this conversation with him. I don't want to talk about this. Why is he not getting this?
"Luke, two weeks ago, do you remember what happened?"
He pauses, to think back for a minute, and then quickly jumps in to show her that he had been paying attention, "You were sick."
"I wasn't sick Luke."
"Then…"
"I was pregnant." she says quietly, waiting for his reaction.
With this announcement a small smile forms on his face. At his smile, she starts to shake her head as tears threaten to overflow onto her already damp cheeks. I didn't need this kind of reaction. I don't need you to tell me that you wanted this, because that will only make this harder for me.
"Lorelai, I know that this isn't how we planned things, but I think that you being pregnant is a good thing…I'm not upse-"
"Was…Luke… I was pregnant. That night I called you, I was sitting in a hospital bed in Hartford after losing the baby. I was two months pregnant and I was going to tell you on Valentine's, but things were still weird with us, and I waited, and I waited, and then one morning, I found out that I didn't have to wait anymore cause there was nothing to tell," she finishes, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
He stares at her showing no emotion, with his mouth open in surprise. What is he thinking right now? I never expected him to be excited about me being pregnant…God I wish this could have been different. As she is thinking he stands up abruptly, pacing in front of her. After a few minutes he stops, leaning against the railing, facing away from her. She hears a few shaky inhales and watches as he raises a hand to his face and brings it back down, noticing the light from the moon reflect across the moisture there. I have never seen Luke cry. I didn't think that he would even be phased by this…at least not to the point where he would cry. Why does this all have to be so hard?
"Luke…it just wasn't meant to be."
"Yeah, I know" he says, turning towards her with a nervous laugh. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't want to put all that on you. I found out I was pregnant right when I found out that you found April, and I knew that you couldn't handle this in the mix of things."
"But, Lorelai, this was a baby!"
"Yeah, and it was a wedding, and it was moving in too Luke…"
I wasn't supposed to say that. I was supposed to keep all that to myself. I don't want him to know how much all of this has hurt me, and there I go hurting him right back.
A chord is struck with him as she mentions this, leaving him to realize that she's right, they have been distant. "You're right."
They sit in silence, and he watches as she twists the engagement ring on her finger, noticing how easily it could slide off and be forgotten. He stands up quickly, walking down the steps and towards the diner, away from her. She waits in silence for him to turn back and run to her, even though she knows that he isn't coming back anytime soon. Why do we do this with each other? We let it stay covered up until the last possible moment, and then it all comes out and we're both left by ourselves and miserable. I know that I love him though, because if I didn't, then I would be so angry with him right now, and I'm not. I know that he can't take much stuff like this on his plate. With that in mind, I also know that it's not in the cards for me and Luke to get married anytime soon.
Standing up, she walks into the house quietly, slipping up into her bedroom. This was supposed to be our bedroom. Walking up to the corner dresser, she opens the top drawer, retrieving something she never thought she would need again, and does what she knows she has to do. She takes off the ring on her left hand, letting a few tears escape, and calming herself with shaky breathes. I love him too much to keep this on his shoulders. If we are meant to be then we are meant to be.
As she walks down the stairs and out the door, she fails to notice Rory sitting in the spot that she occupied just a few minutes ago.
"Where are you going?"
Turning, she walks back up to where her daughter is sitting. "To Luke's."
"Did you guys work everything out?" she asks, knowing by the look in her mother's face that they didn't.
"We'll be okay, don't worry about it."
Rory's eyes catch a glimpse of the small velvet box grasped in her mother's hand, noticing the white knuckles as she holds on so tightly to something that she has wanted for so long. It is only then that she notices that Lorelai's left hand is bare. Please don't talk me out of this kid. I can't handle that.
"Mom, do you love Luke?"
With tears streaming down her cheeks, she nods her head.
"He's the only one isn't he?"
"Second only to you." He really was the only other person that I ever told that I really loved them…I looked him straight in the eye on a regular basis and said 'I love you'. And now…look where it's gotten me.
"I know not right now, but someday… will you tell me why?" she asks her mother, not understanding why she would call of the engagement.
With another nod of her head, she turns towards Luke's, with determination in her step. I have to do this now or I'll never be able to do it.
As she gets closer, she sees that the diner is dark. Reaching up for the spare key, she lets herself in, places the ring on the counter, and walks away.
Luke, hearing the bells downstairs, knows that it is her. Running down the stairs to talk with her, he stops short when he realizes that nobody is in the diner. As he steps up to the counter, his heart jumps into his throat when he spots the reason for her visit.
"How did I screw this up?" he says to himself in a hushed tone.
Okay, ya'll I understand that I didn't do this in the fashion of any spoilerness, but I've got an idea as to where I want this to go, and I don't know how to get there yet. Rest assured that I'll get it done though…It will definitely happen. Anyways… thanks for reading, thanks in advance for reviewing, and yeah...that's about all I have to say about that. (Anyone catch that reference!)
