She turns away from him then, allowing herself to take a deep breath, knowing in her heart what she does want. I want him…I've always wanted him. I've always wanted this whole package, but I can't stand the thought of losing him once I've got him for good.
"Luke, I'm scared…"
"Lorelai…"
"I knew after the first night that I had you…I would have you forever, and then we split up over my own stupidity at not being honest with you. Then, I had you again, and I knew that I didn't want to let you go, and I could never let myself not love you, and you were never going to fall out of love with me. I was letting myself get closer and closer to giving myself up completely to you, something that I have never done before. Then this whole April thing happened, and you were pulling farther and farther away from me. I denied it though, saying that everything was okay, and I made excuses for you and for me." She pauses, allowing herself to catch breath and wipe the falling tears from her cheeks. "And then I found out that I was pregnant, and it let me deny it all the more, because I had you inside me, and you had officially become a part of me…not just because of the baby. That has never happened for me Luke. Then, while I sat there in the hospital after they said I lost it, all I could think of was that you can lose part of yourself, and I was so empty, and I realized finally that I really was losing you."
"There is a reason why we got back together after Chris, there is a reason why we got together in the first place…even if you were to 'lose' me, or run from me…I would always be yours."
"I know, but I can't take losing you, Luke…I could barely survive it back then…I certainly can't survive it now." She turns, looking as if she was going to leave.
"Wait…I need you to…just…wait."
Turning back to look at him, she sees his relief at her staying. "Luke…"
"You got to show me your plan, now I get to show you mine." He says, grabbing his boombox, and what looks like a burned CD. Putting it in, and then standing up, he tells her his "plan." "I'm not a very sentimental guy, and you know this, but you've always said that I had a rare soft side, which I'll admit is true, especially where you or Rory are concerned. A few weeks ago, I was in the apartment and I had the TV on as background noise while I cleaned up the kitchen. I wasn't paying any attention to what was on, and then I heard a song, and I stopped what I was doing just to listen to it…it reminded me of you and us…and I had to watch the end of the movie, which I hated because it was a girly movie…but I did it so I could find the song, and then I had April find it for me and burn it to a CD. This was going to be our song…my gift to you…for our wedding dance…our first dance together, because I know how much music means to you and how each song has some significance to you. I know it's corny, but it really is us…and it's the only way that I can think to get you to understand what I'm thinking"
"Luke, I don't want to…"
"No, you got to tell me about the baby, I get to have my wedding dance…" he says, pushing play.
I don't want to listen to a song, I don't want to be convinced to stay. I don't want to get hurt again…I don't want to hurt Luke…
Till my body is dustTill my soul is no more
I will love you… love you…
He stands up after he sees her turn away, taking in what he is playing for her. Walking up to her, he puts his hand on her shoulder as a touch to remind her that he is there.
Till the sun starts to cry
And the moon turns to rust
I will love you… love you…But I need to know
Will you stay for all time?
Forever and a day…
Then I'll give my heart
Till the end of all time…
Forever and a day…
"Do you remember our first dance?" he asks, stepping in front of her.
"We waltzed…at Liz's wedding…"
Nodding, with a smile on his face, he puts an arm around her waist, taking her right hand in his. The couple begins to sway back and forth to the music.
Luke can waltz…And I need to know
Will you stay for all time?
Forever and a day…
Then I'll give my heart
Till the end of all time…
Forever and a day…
Till the storms fill my eyes
And we touch the last time
I will love you… love you…
I will love you … love you…
I will love you… love you…
By the end, her head has found a place on his chest, and the hand that was around her waist is now buried in her hair. Her tears have slowed, and his close proximity has calmed her as it always has.
"I'm sorry…"
"You have nothing to be sorry about…"
"Yes I do, I didn't tell you what I was thinking, I lost the baby, I ran from you…"
"Lorelai, you're right here, and so am I… we haven't lost anything…and the baby…it just wasn't meant to be. I'm sorry that I didn't think of you…I'm sorry that I caused you to doubt us."
She looks up at him then, and in his eyes, she sees it again…
FLASHY"Because you can talk anybody into anything…" Luke continues ranting after finding out that Rory was dropping out of Yale.
Lorelai allows her thoughts to travel elsewhere as she takes in his ranting state, so laced with concern and love for her daughter that she never knew it could come from someone other than her.
I love him…he is the only one that would react this way… he cares so much about Rory that… he's always cared for her…he's always cared about me… he always will. That's why I want to spend the rest of my life with him…
Luke doesn't notice her expression change from that of watching his rant with amusement to utter confusion and realization.
I want to spend the rest of my life with Luke… he's the one…he's Luke…he wants to kidnap Rory and take her to Yale to make sure she goes to classes… he loves me… I love him… I want to marry Luke… I want him with me forever…I love him…
She looks up with a indescribable look on her face, one that even Luke can't place.
"What?"
Her lip quivers just a bit before she jumps into the biggest thing that she's ever done. "Luke, will you marry me?"
"What?"
"Luke, will you…"
"yes…"
Certainty…love…adoration…and certainty… that's all that I see…END FLASHY
He knows this is it…I know it too…
She leans up to kiss him chastely on the lips, pulling back after lingering for just a few seconds.
"I've never doubted us…I've just been scared of us…"
"But it's us…even when we weren't together, we were Luke and Lorelai the big question mark. I think that this has been a long time in the making."
"Yeah?"
"I'm sure of it."
"I do want it…but we have a lot of talking to do…"
"We do…I know that…"
"Do you really though, because…"
"I do, Lorelai…"
He walks past her to pick up the small velvet box that she put on the table, pausing to open it, and then taking it out, he looks in her direction, silently asking her what to do.
After a barely-there nod, he walks to her and takes her hands in his. "Lorelai, will you marry me?"
"Yes" she answers with a watery smile, allowing herself to break down as he slides the ring on her finger.
I'm done…I'm done thinking this through… this is Luke, and I love him…No more processing, because the things I've always known to be true have never been shaken…he loves me and we will always be there for each other…I just had to realize it…
THE END
Okay y'all, I'm done with this one, but I'm thinking that I might do a second small series that kind of continues this. Let me know if you are at all interested in me doing that, cause I'd love it! I know that the song part was kind of corny, but I think that this song, which is by Fisher, by the way, is a beautiful one, and sums up what I'm thinking about this next year. Even if something happens and Luke and Lorelai are done, they will still always love each other and be there for each other. And that is that. R/R please!
