Are We Crazy Yet?
Chapter 2: Meet and Creep
Please Read and Review. I'd like to know what I'm doing right (to keep doing it), and what I am doing wrong (to correct it).
Continuity Note: As I'm using the 1960s TV series as the basis for this fic, Fester is not Gomez' brother, but Morticia's Uncle. So, if it is ever mentioned, his name is Fester Frump. And Pugsley and Wednesday are quite normal children, with some morbid interests. Pugsley is the older of the two siblings.
And lastly, Wednesday is not a cold sociopath with deadpan delivery (the deadpan delivery is Daria's schtick).
Addams Manor
"Uncle Fester, you have to stay!" Gomez Addams exclaimed, "The whole family must welcome our new guest. We must make a good first impression!"
"Get a printing table then, Gomez!" The bald older man whined, crossing his arms decisively.
"We have one in the Games Room and you know it. Uncle Gutenberg Addams used it to press grapes." Gomez noted. "Please, Fester, just welcome her with us."
"Please, Uncle Fester. We must welcome our guest as a family." Morticia asked, sitting on her wicker chair, and knitting a… something with multiple sleeves. She didn't miss a single movement.
"I said no, and I won't! And that's my final word!" Fester nodded to himself. Then, he noticed a pull on the thick sleeve of his overcoat.
"Uncle Fester, are you leaving us with a stranger? All alone?" It was his niece, Wednesday, looking up with big round eyes, holding her headless Marie Antoinette doll tight to her chest.
"Urm… Uh…" he answered eloquently. He looked up at Gomez' expectant face. "…Okay! I'll be here!" He practically ran to his room, returning a moment later, "But if she gets any ideas, I'll shoot her in the back."
"I'm sure that won't be necessary. Young Trent vouches for her." Morticia said, while Gomez pushed down Fester's blunderbuss.
"Trent? The skinny guy who looks like he hasn't eaten in a year?" Fester looked around in remembrance. If his hands were not holding the blunderbuss, he would have scratched his head.
"The very same!" Gomez smiled, pulling his cigar out of his mouth. "Miss Morgendorfer happens to be his friend. They came to visit and arrange her stay."
"Morgendorffer… Morgendorffer… where have I heard that name?" Fester released one end of the weapon, and did scratch his head.
"Germany?" Gomez ventured. Before coming to live at the Addams Manor, Fester had been quite the traveler.
"No… I don't think so…" The man looked a bit puzzled. "It'll come to me, I guess…" suddenly, he got animated and smiled, "Ah, very well, I'll be here." He left the living room, a big, happy, disturbing smile on his face.
"Dear Uncle Fester." Morticia smiled fondly, still knitting.
"Well done, Wednesday!" Gomez pulled his daughter up, headless doll and all. "I knew I could count on you, my little Angel of darkness!"
Morgendorffer House
"Call if you need anything, Daria." Helen Morgendorffer put her hands on Daria's shoulders, looking proudly at her daughter. "And every other day, we know you're very sensible, but we will still worry."
"Sure, Mom. I'll call you about 8 pm, Okay?"
Helen nodded, a knot in her throat.
Next to her, her husband Jake looked close to cry, his eyes watery and his lower lip trembling. "My little girl is going to college!" He said, reverently, "I'm so proud of you!" Suddenly, his jaw tightened and his eyes shifted, "Not like my father, when I left home for college, he only said I should stay in military school." He grumbled, "That they would make a man outta me! Well, I am a man now, you insufferable old man! And I am proud of my daughter! You hear me, Dad?"
"Jake!" Helen barked.
He calmed down immediately. "Where was I? Ah, oh, yes! I am very proud of you, Daria." He hugged her suddenly. Surprised, Daria returned the hug.
"Take it easy, Dad. I'll call you once I have settled down." And as an afterthought, "Tell Quinn to keep away from my room. I don't want to find a ton of outdated fashion mags when I come back."
Helen opened the door, and looked out. "Are you sure Trent will take you there in time?"
"Jane told me she had a bucket ready to wake him up."
Trent's car turned the corner at that same moment. The car stopped in front of the house, with a teeth-grinding squeak, he opened the window. "Hey, Daria." He greeted, "Mr. and Mrs. Morgendorffer, how are you?" His hair looked quite wet indeed, but no one commented on it.
"We are all fine, Trent." Jake shook his hand trough the open window. "Thank you for your help."
"It's no bother, Mr. Morgendorffer." He drawled, "I was just in the right place to help. No biggie."
Daria opened the trunk with a well placed hand strike, put her suitcases in, and closed it down. Then added a smack on the side of the car, to lock the mechanism. "I'll see you later." She said to her parents. "Here are the phone, address, and all the contact info." She put a card in Jade's hands.
The car wheezed as it departed.
Before going back to the house, Jake and Helen read the card. "Gomez and Morticia Addams."
"Addams? With two Ds?" Both said at the same time.
Addams Manor
"Beware of the Thing." Daria quoted the plaque on the fence. "Thing?"
"Thing is a bit protective of the family, Daria. He wasn't around when we came, or Gomez and Morticia would have done the introduction."
"Is it a kind of dog or cat?" Daria asked, as she pulled her stuff from the trunk.
"No. Not Itt. Thing. Itt comes and goes as he pleases. Thing live with the Addamses full time."
"Wait, you lost me there. What is Thing?"
"Who. Thing is a helper. Most people freaks out when he comes out from one of his boxes. He is kinda sensitive about that."
Daria pinched the bridge of her nose, "What about it?"
"Itt is one of Gomez' cousins. He is quite close to the family, and visits frequently. He is very eloquent, but you'll need to pay close attention to what he says, his accent is very heavy."
At this point, the pair had dragged Daria's luggage to the fence door. Once again, it opened and closed by itself, with a series of loud clanks.
"Sooo… Thing and It are two different guys, right?"
"Not exactly, it's kinda hard to explain. And I think it would be best to do this officially, both Gomez and Morticia are very proud of the family." He gestured towards the pull knob. "Go ahead, pull it firmly. Don't yank it. Smoothly."
Daria grabbed the knob, and with some effort, pulled it about two feet away. Trent nodded, "You Can let it go now."
Daria did so, and the knob fell limply to the floor. A moment later, it was pulled back inside, and the foghorn sounded loudly. Daria raised an eyebrow. Trent shrugged. "It does that sometimes, yes."
Lurch opened the door, moaning lugubriously. "…Enteeeer…"
Before Daria could grab her luggage, Trent shook his head. "Thank you, Lurch." He said.
They entered the living room, while Lurch handled easily the four suitcases containing Daria's clothes, books, stationery, and her set of replica bones.
Automatically, both stepped around the polar bear pelt.
"Ah, here you are!" Gomez exclaimed enthusiastically. He took the cigar out of his mouth, "Come in! Let's meet the family, shall we?" Trent stayed a bit behind, letting Gomez enjoy the moment.
The Addams patriarch guided them to the center of the room, where several people stood up in a line. "You already know my beautiful wife, Morticia!"
Morticia nodded gracefully. "Welcome to our humble home, Daria." She extended her right hand, which Daria shook firmly.
"Next, my beloved Mother, Eudora Addams."
Next to Morticia stood an old yet spry old woman, wearing a black, loose dress, with a ratty shawl on her shoulders. Her white hair seemed to not have met a comb in decades, and stood in random directions. Her eyes held an impish glow. "Hello to you, girl. Call me Grandma, everybody does."
Daría shook her hand. "Uh, sure, Grandma." The old woman smiled pleasantly. At this point, Daria had Trent's advice very present in her mind, 'just go with the flow'.
"My Big boy, Pugsley!" Gomez said proudly, standing next to a stocky boy, of about eight or nine years old, wearing a striped shirt, black shorts and shoes. His short hair looked like it had been cut with a knife.
"Hi, Miss Morgendorffer! Welcome to our house!" He said happily. "Dad told me you have some bones. Could you let me see them later?"
They shook hands briefly. "Thank you, Pugsley." She said, formally. "Just let me unpack and I'll show you. They are just replicas."
Pugsley shrugged. "It's okay! I have a few real ones." Daria decided not to ask.
"The light of my life, my daughter, Wednesday Addams." A six or seven years old girl, perfectly dressed with a short black dress, with a white collar, black tights, and shiny black shoes. She held a headless doll as she curtsied. "Hello, Miss Morgendorffer. I hope you'll like staying in our house."
Daría felt a small connection to this child. "I'm sure I will. And who is this?" Daria looked at the doll. Wednesday presented her toy for Daria's examination, "This is Marie Antoinette!" She said, with a toothy grin.
"I see she has met Madame (1)" Daria noted.
"Oh, yes! Pugsley pulled the rope and the blade came down, and her head rolled off!" Wednesday put her thumb to her throat, and passed it quickly from side to side, making a "Kkkkkt!" noise in the process.
Daría looked at the proud smile on Pugsley's face. "Well done, Pugsley!"
Both the child and his parents smiled approvingly.
Meanwhile, a bald man, wearing a heavy black overcoat, rolled his eyes impatiently. "Next, Uncle Fester!"
The man extended a hand to Daria, a rigid smile on his lips. Daría shook his hand, and got a shock. "Ow!" She said. "Was that a buzzer?"
"Wha…?" Fester looked at his hand. "Oh, sorry. I think I have some extra wattage today." He put a lightbulb in his mouth and seemed to blow on it. To Daria's amazement, the bulb actually lit up, illuminating the room.
Gomez smiled indulgently. "Static electricity. Today has been a very dry day." He explained, putting his lit cigar in his breast pocket. "Uncle Fester?"
Fester put the lightbulb back in his pocket. "I think that was enough. Nice to meet you, Daria." He extended his hand again. Daría shook it cautiously, but with no electric shock this time.
On the table next to Fester, there was an ornate box. Gomez knocked twice on the lid. "And last, but not least, Thing. Come out and meet our guest, Thing."
With a squeak, the lid opened slowly, and a hand emerged, holding the knob set in the lid between its index and middle fingers. The box stayed open, and the hand waved a greeting at Daria.
"Um…" surprised, Daria glanced quickly under the table. There was no way somebody could hide under it! She could see the rug pattern in a way that simply could not hide the presence of a mirror. Timidly, she waved back. "Hello, Thing. How are you?"
The disembodied hand signaled an Okay, and closed the box. Daría cleared her throat, putting her thoughts back in a semblance of order. Trent had a smug grin in his usually placid face.
"I'm sorry to say our Kitty Kat didn't want to come down to meet you, but you'll meet him later. Now, let's get you settled down." Gomez pulled down the noose, and the infernally loud gong made the whole house tremble.
"…You… …rang?" Lurch seemed to materialize next to Gomez.
"Yes, Lurch. Have you taken care of Miss Morgendorffer's luggage?"
"Uuuhhh-uuhhh…" he moaned. "…in guests room…"
"Splendid, Lurch! That will be all for now."
Lurch left the room, shaking his head and moaning again.
Gómez nodded at the family, and they left for their respective endeavors, each one waving at Daria, with promises to talk or okay later.
"Now, What about we see you get settled, Daria? Lurch prepared the room already." He pulled his pocket watch out, and opened. A small raven head crowed the hour, and Gomez nodded satisfied. "We have about two hours before dinner, will you stay, Trent? You can stay the night if you want."
"Sure, Gomez. Janey said tonight she would make some meatloaf." He blinked slowly. "Better call her so she won't wait for me."
Gómez turned back to Daría, "The gong will sound ten minutes before dinner. Be ready by that time, okay? No need for formal wear." Daria nodded.
While Trent dialed his home phone number in a decidedly antique phone, Daria said. "Tell her I said hi." Trent tilted the phone towards her, signaling his agreement.
Gómez guided Daria to the guests room. It was on the second floor of the dilapidated manor. He pulled a comically big ring of keys from his pocket. "Let's see…" he looked at each key in quick succession, apparently recognizing each ornate key by the bit and key wards. "Mausoleum… fungus garden… swamp pool... rocket launch room… games room… armory… morgue… guests morgue… lizard enclosure… gunpowder room… Aha! Here it is! Guests Room!"
He pulled the key from the ring and opened the room before putting it in another ring and putting everything in Daria's hand. "Here you go, your set of keys."
He flipped the switch and a gust of wind hit Daria. It smelled like dust and old books. Her suitcases rested on the enormous bed. And the box with her replica bones rested on a baroque desk that looked like it belonged to a pirate ship. "Funny thing, Gomez. My room at home has two padded walls, just like this one." She tapped at the single padded wall.
"Glad you like it. We also have long-sleeved jackets if you prefer to sleep with a pajama. Perfectly comfy for sleeping or just lounging. I'm sure we have your size."
"I brought my own, but I appreciate it. Maybe in winter."
"Sure, would you like a monogrammed patch with your family motto and coat of arms? Granma does great stitching. Very handy in her first aid course."
"I'm not entirely sure we have a coat of arms, but I have some vague memories of my grandmother mentioning something about honest work as our family motto."
"Well, our Cousin Francois Addams used to live by a similar motto until he retired."
"French?"
"Yes. He used to operate the guillotine. Honest work, extra pay for Sunday executions. He did send us some souvenirs. Pugsley got a scale toy guillotine and Wednesday a wicker basket. They share the set to play."
"Very functional, I think. Wednesday told me about her Marie Antoinette doll." Daria opened the courtains. Of course, there was a panoramic view to the cemetery. She mentally shrugged.
Gómez opened the door at the side of the door. "Your private en-suite and walk-in closet. Lurch will handle your laundry, unless you'd prefer to do it by yourself."
"I'd prefer that, thanks."
"Then, it will be so. Just let him know and he will show you the laundry room. I'll leave you to unpack and rest."
"Thank you, Gomez. I'll call my parents before unpacking."
"Splendid! If you need anything, don't hesitate to call Lurch," Gomez pointed at a silk cord hanging next to the door, "or tap twice on Thing's box." He did exactly that, and Thing appeared promptly. Somehow, the disembodied hand looked as if it was asking a question.
"Just checking, Thing. Daría will be occupying this room and I wanted to check if you could hear her calling you if needed."
Thing showed a thumb up, and closed the lid.
"Everything to your liking?" Gomez asked.
"Yes. Everything is…" she searched in her extensive vocabulary for the right word. "As expected."
Gómez beamed. "Well, I let you to rest and unpack. Surely tomorrow will be a busy day." He closed the door.
Daría sat on the baroque chair that accompanied the desk. "Indeed…" She took her cell phone from her jacket pocket, and dialed home.
Author Notes
(1) Daría is referring to the old nickname of the execution instrument: Madame Guillotine.
