Disclaimer: I do not own any of the central characters, or indeed the story, they all belong to J. K. Rowling. Neither do I own the songs to which this fic is parodied.
Author's Note: the words in this fic may not exactly fit the syllables sung in the original version, they are just designed to fit the general tune.
At the Burrow
The song in this fic is set to the tune of "Evil Woman" by the Electric Light Orchestra.
And so the brave Harry Potter retired to his friend, Ron Weasley's, house, affectionately known as 'the Burrow'. Here he was greeted by Ron's mother, Molly, who treats him to a bowl of soup and a big hug.
"Everything will be alright," she whispered, but the look on the face of Auror, Tonks', face told Harry otherwise. Slumped over the kitchen table, her countenance one of utter remorse, the metamorphmagus made excuses as soon as Harry appears, then left.
Troubled, Harry attempted to spend his first night sleeping, but instead ended up worrying about the effect that his performance will have had on the wizarding world. He couldn't seem to shake the feeling that everything was going to get a whole lot worse, and the very next day, it did…
(Hermione)
Wake up, Harry, we've got news.
We want to know what you've been up to.
Can't wait until our O.W.L.s
I just know I mucked up every spell…
(Ron)
Don't talk about exams anymore!
So, Harry, where'd you go with Dumbledore?
(Harry)
Quiet, quiet, you two! Let me catch my breath.
Is that Ginny? She looks stressed…
(Ginny)
Oh, that evil woman!
(Harry, Ron, Hermione)
What evil woman?
(Ginny)
That evil woman… she's not even human.
She talks to me like I'm eight years old,
Well, I'm not doing anything I'm told.
He's a fool for being with her now,
I couldn't stand to love that stupid cow!
(Harry)
What, what, Ginny you can't mean your mother?
(Ginny)
No, the one that's marrying my brother.
So wrong that she's even here,
Excess of phlegm if you get too near.
(Ron)
Hey, hey, hey…
(Ginny)
That evil woman!
(Harry)
What evil woman?
(Ginny)
Fleur Delacore!
(Hermione)
Such an evil woman…
(Ginny)
I can't stand her anymore!
During the musical interlude, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny exchanged a few words about what 's been going on. Harry tried to hush up his meeting with Dumbledore in front of Ginny, and consequently they stumbled upon the topic of Tonks and her recent dive into depression. Before long, however, Mrs Weasley came in to drop off some laundry, and requested that Ginny join her again.
"Come on, Ginny, back downstairs."
"But, mum - she's there!"
"Who?"
And just as the chorus kicked back in, who should waltz through the door…
(Fleur)
My darling, Harry!
Bill and I are going to marry!
So nice to see you, Harry,
(Ginny)
Run out of rhymes, have we?
(Ron)
Oooh, wahhh, marry me…
(Ginny)
That evil woman, so glad she's gone.
Now I can carry on with this song.
Oh no, how tragic - she'll be my sis.
How did it ever come to this?
No way on earth she deserves him,
Surely he's too smart to be taken in?
Oh no, how tragic - she's going to stay.
I'd rather it was Tonks any day.
Oh, oh, oh
That evil woman.
She's an evil woman.
E-evil woman.
(Hermione)
Such an evil woman.
(Ginny)
E-evil woman…
As Mrs Weasley called her again from downstairs, Ginny continued to sing while making her way out of the room, the sound gradually fading as she reached the kitchen. Hermione tutted, then went to investigate some boxes lying at the back of the room, while Harry and Ron looked at each other and shrugged.
