Author's Note: Sorry about the delay… enjoy!

The song in this fic is parodied to Psycho Killer by Talking Heads.

Defence Lessons

Tonks led Harry up towards the castle, her usual self apparently abandoned in favour of a more morose, miserable metamorphmagus. At the gates they encountered Snape, his hissing countenance doing nothing to lift Harry's spirits. He had always hated Snape.

Upon entering the Great Hall near the end of the feast, Harry found Ron and Hermione, and learnt from Dumbledore's speech that Slughorn would not be becoming their new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, but instead, would be their potions master. Harry scowled at the look on Snape's greasy face as Dumbledore announced the man's ascension to the teaching post that he had desired ever since entering Hogwarts. On the bright side, however, it meant that Harry and Ron could now carry on with potions, as they did not need Outstanding grades to get in.

Unfortunately this happiness did not last long. Their first lesson the very next day (after a free period which delighted Ron) was Defence Against the Dark Arts with Snape. The three of them trundled into the classroom that was so familiar under so many different guises, and sat down, readying themselves for the inevitable lecture as the bass line kicked in…

(Snape)

You all need to face up to the facts,

Forget your parchment and your candle wax.

I will teach you what it's really like

To face a person who could take your life…

Psycho killer: qu'est-ce que c'est?

Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa, Potter,

Pay close attention to what I say.

Now, now, now.

Psycho killer: qu'est-ce que c'est?

Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa, better

Keep listening if you want to stay…

A - a - a - ah

li - li - li - li - li - live!

Harry was getting a little fed up with Snape's constant jabs at him, and was determined this year to stand up for himself. He jumped to his feet:

(Harry)

You think you're so great, just because you've "been there"!

Well, so have I, but I'm not showing off!

(Snape)

What do you call this? Everyone can hear.

Think you're a hero, Potter? Just say it again…

(Harry)

Psycho killer? You've no idea…

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, you'd just

Run run run run run run run away.

(Snape)

Oh no, no.

Psycho killer? Any day…

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, better

Just watch your back, I'll have my day.

(Ron and Hermione)

Oh, no no no… ay ay ay ay ay!

The two stood back to back, neither wanting to face the other, each with thunderous expressions.

(Harry, to himself)

All that I do - he doesn't care!

(Snape, to himself)

All that I've done - he's not aware!

Everything for Dumbledore,

Changed my mind, changed my side again…

(Harry)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

They swung round to face each other, heads bowed, locked in a furious battle of lyrics.

(Snape)

You are vain and you are blind!

(Harry)

I hate people when they're not polite…

(Both)

Psycho killer? Any day!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, better

Just watch your back, 'cause I'll have my day!

(Hermione and Ron)

Oh no, no…

Psycho killers? Qu'est-ce qu'on peut faire?

(Harry)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, you'll be

Gone from this school in a year, anyway!

(Hermione and Ron)

Oh, no no no… ay ay ay ay ay!

And as the guitar solo faded into conclusion, Harry finally resumed his place at his desk and Snape stalked back to the front of the class - neither particularly wanting to back down. The term had hardly started, and yet, somehow, Harry knew this was going to be one of the toughest years of his life…