Chapter 2: My Secret

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Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, but I do own Kotsuki and Motawa and Turumon. And I made up the names for their kids.

Warning: this is shounen-ai aka male/male so if you're offended/disgusted, leave now!!

A/N: Thanks for all you who read and reviewed! I feel loved already!!! Heehee. More flashbacks in this chapter. Sorry. I know Matt kinda sounds like he's telling a story to someone else, but he's just thinking to himself (i suck at first-person point of views). Anyways, just to let you know, Tai left when he was 20 (he's 40 now). Oh yeah, in the first chapter at the wedding they said Tai left 18 years ago, but now that I calculate it again, he should've left 13 years ago. Sorry. And I know Tai should've been at other ppl's weddings (and thus seen Matt more) but it's just not how the story goes. And Tai's engaged cuz I want him to. OK, here's the second chapter!

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A man with soft blue eyes and blonde hair stared out of the window of his house. It was raining, which wasn't good since there was going to be a gathering with his friends tomorrow. "Or most are my friend," he thought angrily. He just didn't get why Tai avoided him at the wedding. Why didn't Tai want to talk to him? How come Tai never called him from America? "Tai...I miss you," he thought sadly. His teenage feelings for Tai came back again, but, as usual, he pushed it away.

"Matt!" a honey voice sang out.

"What?" he said moodily.

"Is everything ok my Yama-chan? Oh I can't wait for tomorrow! Yoshi can't wait to get his digimon," Sora said, pointing to their youngest child who was jumping around happily. Wrapping her arms around her husband's neck, she said, "Aww...look how happy he is."

"Yeah, reminds me of TK when he was little," smiled Matt.

"Well Biyomon and I are going to go out to do some grocery shopping. Watch over the kids!" With that, Sora kissed Matt goodbye and left, leaving Matt to continue his reflection.

~Matt's POV~

Tai was going to be back! I couldn't wait, but then at the same time I could. I didn't want to fight him again. I want to talk to him like we used to, but I knew he still wasn't going to be the same. Since the day he left, nothing's been the same. I was overjoyed to see him at my wedding, but we got into a fight and everything was ruined. He's changed so much, yet I still felt something for him at my wedding. No stupid! I don't like him! I love Sora, and we're going to spend our entire lives together. She makes me happy, I make her happy. We're happy together! But still...would I be happier with Tai? No, I'm straight! I sighed. What's the use? I couldn't hide it. I was starting to think about Tai again, just like I used to as a teenager. But it was love when I was a teen. It couldn't possibly be love now, could it? I'm only in love with the Tai I knew--the Tai 20 years ago. Wait, correction, I WAS in love with him.

I had always pushed the feeling away, and instead of telling Tai, I married Sora. I wonder if I was in the same position as TK? He loved Kari but married someone else instead. I guess TK could be really stupid. He made the biggest mistake of his life by marrying that woman. Did I by marrying Sora? But I don't love Tai! What am I talking about?? Still, these years with Sora had only made me wonder.

We were together in high school, and then we broke up in college. It was funny because neither of us knew why we broke up. Then we were together again, and 7 years ago we got married. One night on our honeymoon we made a baby. I had no intention of doing so, but I was happy because I was going to be a father. After Akina was born, divorce would've been hard. I didn't want my kid to grow up without a mother like me or without a father like TK. Not that I thought about divorce. I guess I did really feel happy at that time. The worst part was that we had another baby. I have no clue where Yoshimitsu came from, but one day Sora just told me she was pregnant. I had been gone for quite some time on tour since I was still singing at the time. We barely shared any nights together. I started suspecting that she was sleeping with some other guy, but it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It didn't even hurt half as bad as it hurt the day Tai told me he was moving to America, nor as bad as it hurt when Tai told me he was dating Motawa. She said it just happened one night when I was drunk. Sure...but eventually I believed her. After Yoshimitsu was born, I knew I couldn't divorce Sora. It'd be the same situation as my dad and mom, and I wouldn't want my kids to live through that.

Lately Sora's gotten weirder and weirder. She seems to want company one minute then totally ignore me the next. I feel we're drifting apart, but we did make a vow to each other. I can't break that vow for anybody, not even Tai. Maybe this is just the hard times. We'll get over, I'm sure of it. I bet most families have these problems.

"Daddy, whatcha thinking?" Akina asked as she came and sat on my lap.

"Oh, just stuff sweetie."

"Yokomon and I can't wait to go back to the Digital World!"

"Yeah, me neither. Now go along and play with Yoshi," I lied. I wasn't too excited to go back. I just wanted to sit and think. I do that a lot. Akina was only 6, but she understood a lot. I saw how worried she looked at me. No matter, she knew I wanted time alone so she went along to watch over Yoshi. As I watched Yoshi and Akina sitting there watching Gabumon and Yokomon make funny faces, it reminded me of the old times. Akina would always look after Yoshi like TK and me. I smiled. Those were the good days. Sure it was pretty scary those few times when I thought I'd lose TK forever...or if I'd lose Tai. But I didn't like Tai that much at the time. There was just something that made me care. I was glad we became best friends though. Then there was Sora. The day after the concert, when he knew that Sora and I were together, his eyes showed something. Was it sadness? Hurt? Pain? Couldn't be. Tai wasn't attracted to me. Sure I loved Tai a long time ago, but did I really go out with Sora because I loved her? Or was it to make Tai jealous? No, I couldn't possibly do such a thing...right? Besides, I don't like Tai. Well, maybe I did. I must admit, I'm a stubborn person. I don't admit these things very often. The day I finally accepted my feelings for him was the same day I lost hope. In fact, hope was given to me and taken away from me in a matter of seconds.

///////flashback///////

Tai was smiling as he walked to me. He wanted to tell me something important, so he asked me to meet him at the park. I looked at his beautiful brunette hair and soft chocolate eyes and my heart just melted. Gosh was he beautiful. I've felt like this before, but this time I didn't push the feeling away. I started to accept the fact that maybe I was in love with Tai. "Hey Tai!" I greeted. "What's up?"

"You'll never believe!" he cried out, but something in his eyes showed uncertainty and fear. Was he afraid of how I was going to react? Sure, I admit that I've reacted rather harshly a couple of times when he told me something that was important to him. I promised myself I won't this time. "Well, first of all, how are things doing with you and Sora?"

"Fine," I smiled, but I would've dumped Sora right then and there if Tai told me that he was in love with me. Ha, you could keep dreaming, Ishida.

"Good. Now listen, don't go all nuts when you hear me say this, OK?"

"When have I ever?" I said as if he was crazy, but he just glared at me.

"I'm gay," he simply said. It struck me so suddenly. It was such a simple sentence, and yet I was never expecting him of all people to say it. And so lightly too, as if it was nothing! I guess I looked very surprised and was silent for a while because he continued, saying, "don't start yelling, ok?"

"You're gay," I said more of a clarification than a statement. Inside I wanted to jump for joy. Maybe he's confessing! I'll tell him I'm bi right now and--

"Motawa asked me out!" he exclaimed, breaking my thoughts. I just stared at him. He sounded happy, but his eyes seemed to expect something.

"And-and you agreed?" I sputtered. He just nodded, and that one simple nod destroyed my whole heart. I knew I shouldn't feel so bad about this, especially since I was dating Sora. It'd be so unfair to Sora if she found out I was in love with Tai instead. Was I? No, I was not going to love Tai. He loves someone else, and we'll never be together. With that, I pushed my feelings for Tai away again.

\\\\\\\end of flashback\\\\\\\

My feelings for Tai were hidden for a couple of year. In fact, I was proud at myself for nearly forgetting about it. However, it was rekindled the day he told me he was leaving.

///////flashback///////

"You're what?!" I've never felt so angry in my whole life. He was leaving tomorrow and he never told me anything before. I just wanted to punch him right in the nose and hope it breaks. Then I'd start kicking him hard, and he'd scream for mercy. I wouldn't give him mercy though. I'd rip off his head and cut him into pieces...

"You heard me. I'm leaving for America," he stated, interrupting my brutal fantasy.

"But why? You never talked about it. Why now?"

"Motawa's moving and I love him so I'm going with him. The rest of my family's going too. We'll be next door neighbors. It'll be cool," Tai said almost...oh my gosh, happily???? How could he be happy at a time like this?

"It'll be cool? Cool Taichi???? How can you do this to me?? I'll have no one if you leave!!!"

"You have Sora," Tai said.

"But I love you Tai!! Not Sora, you! Don't do this to me!!!" I screamed inside my head. It was too late. I've always ignored my feelings for him, and now I had to suffer the consequences. It was over. He didn't even seem like he wanted me to be his friend anymore. I didn't know what I was thinking, but I started running away from him. He didn't call after me either, that bastard. I kept running and running, ignoring the tears streaking down my face. He doesn't even care about me. Why'd he do this to me? I had to go home. I ran and ran, and when I reached home and slammed the door and started to cry. It hurt so badly. Tai was leaving me forever! I wanted to shout at him and tell him I loved him. But it was too late. He loved someone else. I couldn't rip them apart. Make the pain go away! I clutched my chest. It hurt so badly, I couldn't even breathe now. Taking short, shallow breaths, I made my way to the bathroom. I could just end it all... As I took a razor blade into my hand, the door suddenly swung open.

"Oniichan! Kari's leav--" my poor innocent brother cried out, but was cut off when he saw me. "Matt, what?" Quickly he grabbed the razor blade from me. I knew he hurt more than me. He loved Kari so much, it was definitely stronger than my uncertain love for Tai. I couldn't die just yet. If TK could go through with it, so could I.

"I'm sorry TK," I cried, and together we hugged each other and cried out our heart.

\\\\\\\end of flashback\\\\\\\

I wiped a tear away from my face. It brought pain just to think about it. "From that day on I resolved never to love Tai again. It just brought too much pain," I recalled sadly. Yes, I was a coward that didn't want to feel pain. TK and I never talked about that day. He always thought I cried because Tai and I were best friends. He never knew that I loved Tai. I never told him, and nor will I tell anyone. It'll just be a secret that I'll take to my grave.

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Annnnnnnnnnnnnd......I'm done with the second chapter! Yay! I couldn't help naming the son Yoshimitsu (but his nickname is Yoshi). Lol. Those of you who play Tekken know he's in there. One of my fav. characters. I dunno the difference between "oniichan" and "oniisan" is, so if I'm supposed to be using one instead of the other, please tell me. And please please please review (no flames)! Thank you!!!!!!!