For those of you wanting answers, there should be some in the next few chapters.
Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment and review.
Chapter 14: Inner Strength
Present time
Somewhere in the Pegasus galaxy.
He smiled at the memory of holding his daughter in his arms for the first time. It was moments after she was born, right before Jennifer came to take her away and check her over. But the thing that made the experience incredible was that the woman he loved was right there beside him.
It had been ten minutes since T.J. and Jennifer had been out on the balcony and he knew that if he didn't go and see Teyla soon, Carson would send someone to find him – or worse still he'd come looking himself.
Sighing he took one last look at the haunting view and began his walk towards the infirmary. As he walked through the control room, he sensed all eyes were on him and he didn't dare look up, since the last thing he needed was to see the pity in their eyes. If he were going to deal with this, he would do it in his way when he was well and truly ready to deal with it.
He'd just about made it to the control room door when Radek Zelenka cornered him, "General Sheppard I am so sorry for what's happening, if you need anything please let me know."
He knew that the little scientist was only trying to help, but all he needed right now was for Teyla to be okay so that they could continue their journey through life together.
"Thanks, Radek," he whispered," I'll let you know."
By the time he finally made it out of the control room and reached the transporter at the end of the corridor, he was feeling dizzy and sweating all over. He knew he needed to get a grip, or Carson would keep him in the infirmary and then who would look after T.J. and Charin?
He stepped into the transporter and waited for the doors to close, once they had, he took a moment to compose himself. Whatever happened he needed to be brave for Teyla's sake. He could fall apart later when he was on his own – but not in front of his children.
After about five minutes he finally managed to press the map that would lead him to the infirmary and perhaps the worst moment of his life.
Slowly exiting the transporter, he ambled down the corridor towards the infirmary. He knew that he should be with Teyla, but he had spent most of his time over the last few months with her that's when he hadn't been caring for the children or working. Now all he had to do was be with her for as long as they had together.
When he reached the infirmary, he went straight to the private room where Teyla had been staying on and off over the past few months. The door was shut, and Carson was in with her, so he feared to worst.
Throwing open the door he rushed in and stood by Teyla's bed, "doc what's happening, is she okay?"
Carson turned to him with a serious look on his face, "you and I both know that she is far from okay, but she seems to be doing a little better today." Carson patted him on the shoulder before turning to leave, "I'll leave the two of you alone for a while."
"Thanks, Carson," he whispered as the doctor left the room.
Turning back to the bed he looked at the woman he loved and smiled at her. He sat next to her, took her hand, and decided he would be there for her as long as she needed him.
"John it is good to see you."
He rubbed her hand and smiled at her, "I'm here for you Sweetie."
She rolled her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes – she was always tired these days.
He tried not to notice her pale thin face and the blemishes on her once perfect skin, from where the sickness had invaded her body. She was wasting away, and her once strong, and healthy body was deteriorating rapidly. He could see the pain lines under her eyes, even though the doctors kept her pain medication topped up.
There was something that he needed to discuss with her, and he knew that she wasn't going to like it.
Carson and Jennifer had discussed it with him before he'd found himself standing on the balcony staring into space. Carson had offered to talk to Teyla about it, but he'd insisted that he needed to do it.
A soft voice interrupted his contemplations, "John tell me what you are thinking?"
"I don't want to lose you."
He'd watched two of his marines die from the same sickness and that was months ago.
"I know you do not honey, but if it is my time then I must go."
Tears were brimming in his eyes by this time and he knew that now was the time to talk to her or risk losing her forever.
"Carson and Jennifer are close to a cure."
"I know and I will try and hang on as long as I can, but I am just so tired."
Taking a deep breath, he blurted out what he needed to, "What about stasis, we could put you in a pod to give the doctors more time to find a cure. It would slow down the sickness and give you more time."
The look on her face was one of – well he couldn't read what it was, "John you do know that it is not a sickness and that I have been poisoned."
Of all the things she could have said to him at that moment that was what she chose. Carson had told him that disorientation and memory loss would become more severe as the poison continued to spread, but Teyla seemed as sharp as ever.
"Yes, I do realise that Sweetie, but what about my suggestion?"
"I do not know John; all I want to do right now is sleep."
"You won't feel anything in stasis. I know from experience, I did spend several hundred years in one of those pods.
"I know that John, but what if they cannot find a cure in your lifetime – in Charin or Torren's lifetime? Will I then have to wake up alone without the people I love – without my family?
"Please just think about it, Sweetie."
Tears were streaming down her face and all he wanted to do was hold her tight and never let her go, but Carson had told him, that holding her too tight could break her brittle bones. At the moment she looked about one hundred and fifty years old and her body was showing signs of it as well.
Her eyes were closing by this time, so he decided to let her sleep and hopefully she would wake up again.
"Just go to sleep now Sweetie and I'll be here when you wake up."
It wasn't long before she fell into a deep sleep – hopefully it was peaceful and painless for her. She seemed to be breathing normally for the moment, so obviously, the nasal cannula was doing its job.
The feeding tube and IV were also a constant reminder of how ill she was. All he could do now was sit and hold her hand and pray that she would wake up again and if she didn't, he knew that he would have to find the inner strength to carry on, not only for his daughter and son but for everyone else on Atlantis.
As he kept an eye on Teyla, who for the moment was sleeping peacefully, his mind wandered back to the fateful mission which had led to Teyla's condition and now he wished that he had insisted more strongly that she didn't go off-world that day….
TBC…
