Author's Note:

So this is ogreatrandom posting again. This is the first day and I hope you enjoy it. I know it's been a while since we last posted. Look out for the second day which will be written by enigmagirl2727.

I will thank destinyheart15 for their review. And thank you surf all day and do the hula I'm sorry I didn't get your name on the second chapter. enigmagirl2727, I don't think you or I really count but the review was nice anyway. And thanks to everyone who has even just read the story. I hope you enjoy it.

Oh just to assure everyone this story is not a reflection on our opinion of suicide. It's just us poking fun at movie and book characters who get carried away with their suicidal tendencies. Suicide in real life is not funny at all.

Chapter #3

"Where are we going?" Enjoras sang. I had found out that Enjoras always sang everything. It was quickly becoming unpleasant.

"We are going to the zoo." It was the hundredth time I'd had to tell them. I'd explained what it was that many times too. It still hadn't seemed to sunk in though because at the word zoo they all looked at each other oddly.

"Does a zoo have hundreds of unbeatable foes?"

"No," I sighed, "it doesn't Theoden." Several of them groaned in disappointment.

"Are there men there who will love me?"

"No." I answered Eponine flatly.

"Will Arwen and I be separated?"

"Will I find Jean Val-Jean there?"

"Are there people who need saving?"

"No, no, NO!" I shouted stopping and turning around to yell. "There are no people there who will kill us, fall in love with us, separate us, need arresting, or need saving! There are only animals!" There was a pause in which I turned back and continued walking then I heard a voice from behind me.

"Are the animals dangerous?" I had an over powering desire to strangle Hector. I contented myself with smacking myself in the head and ignoring the group who had begun discussing how possibly dangerous animals could be.

When we reached the zoo I bought eleven tickets for all of us. When I had woken up that morning there had been a pile of money and a note with suggestions of what I could do with the group. The note had been signed: 'Your Kind Of Friendly Punishing Angel'. With a smiley face. I had never hated him more.

"Do you know what is laying beyond that gate?" I looked over to see Achilles yelling surrounded by the other nine. He seemed to be giving them an encouraging speech. "Immortality through Death! Take it! It's yours!" With a cheer the ten of them stormed the gate causing a ticket taker to shriek and duck down behind his table.

The ten of them stopped dead when they had gotten through the gate. They all stared around taking in all the sights. A spilt second later they had all taken off in opposite directions running as fast as possible. I smacked the forehead with my hand again.

The biggest threat was Denethor who I could see. He had stopped and was now accusing a wandering pigeon of trying to kill his family and take his throne. It took several minutes to convince him that no one was out to get him, his family, or his home. In the end I ended up buying him off with the promise of ice cream if he helped me find everyone else.

The next person I found was Eponine. I found her by following my ears. Apparently a microphone had been set up for the zoo staff to use in a demonstration. She had found it and decided to woo the men there by showing off her beautiful voice. Said voice seemed to be causing several animals with sensitive hearing to go crazy and even the zoo staff trying to calm them looked like they were in pain. I guessed they were pleased when I dragged her off the stage based on their loud and quite enthusiastic applause.

As the microphone became free I found the next missing member. Or rather he found the empty microphone. Enjoras ran for the mike and began to try to convince everyone to help him free the poor from oppression. Like always he did this through singing. Once again I found myself dragging someone off the stage. Then I lectured both of them on not just getting on stage ever again for the sake of ears around the world. But I don't know if they could hear me because Denethor was reminding me loudly because he didn't have his ice cream yet.

I heard angry voices and figured I would find one of my charges there. Sure enough I found Achilles being yelled at by a security guard because he was trying to carve his name in statue with his sword. A second later Achilles had turned the sword towards the man.

"Put the sword down," I yelled at him running over, "right now!" He turned in shock and the guard took the chance to run for his life.

"You made me let the enemy go." He pouted as he looked after the man.

"I told you already," I lectured, "no attacking people. No matter what. And stop carving your name everywhere," the walls of the house were now covered by his carvings, "you can't just do that because you want to. It's destroying private property." Achilles didn't look like he was buying it. "And if you do it one more time," I added pointing a finger at him, "I'll sell your sword to pay for the damage." He sheathed the sword rapidly and stepped away from the statue. "Now come on," I said, "we have to find the others."

The next person we found was Arwen who was trying to convince a frightened zookeeper who was in a golf cart to run her over. It looked as if she had been chasing the man for some time now in hope of getting run over. I pulled her off the road and the man sped away.

"I can't live without my love," she screamed at the man, "so kill me!"

"Ignore her!" I shouted to the man's back.

"Love me!" Eponine yelled.

"And ignore her too!" I added. "Arwen," I asked, "where did Aragorn go?"

"He and Theoden went to defeat the enemies."

"What enemies?"

"The ones called Lions."

I ran, dragging the others as fast as I could following the signs to the lion cage. When I got there I saw Aragorn and Theoden standing in the cage. Theoden was giving a speech about fighting despite the hopeless situation how they would fight until they died. He was waving his sword around while he yelled. Apparently he had been yelling for a while now because a crowd had gathered.

"My love!" Arwen cried. I was thinking that the two of them stood a better chance against the lions then against me. As it turned out they didn't have to fight either. Zoo officials hit the two men with tranquilizers and they fell unconscious.

The zoo staff found an empty room where they had kept baby tigers. They put Aragorn and Theoden in there. I convinced them to add Arwen, Achilles, Enjoras, Eponine, and Denethor as well.

"But I want my ice cream!" Denethor shouted at me as the door closed. Then I was off to find the three remaining people.

I found Hector at the petting zoo trying to steal a pony so he could ride into battle. He was sitting on the pony as he tried to get it to gallop into the sunset.

Unfortunately for him the chestnut colored pony was used to carrying excited three year olds, not full grown men in full battle armor.

"Come on Hector," I coxed grabbing the pony's harness, "there is no battle. You don't have to steal this nice pony from the nice zoo people." The 'nice zoo people' were at that moment calling the equally 'nice' zoo security people.

"I won't get off!" Hector shouted.

"Fine," I sighed, "we'll do this the hard way." I yanked hard at Hector's leg and he fell off onto the ground. Free of it's burden the pony took off back towards the stables. Ignoring Hector's complaints I led him away from the petting zoo. We had just left it when we heard a commotion from the reptile room.

"Free! Free! Run and be free!" I heard people screaming and followed the yells and the screaming people and followed the sound to the reptile room. A door opened and a stampede of people and white mice ran out, followed by Harry Potter brandishing his wand. He was tackled from behind by a zoo keeper. I trudged over to smooth things over dragging Hector behind me. "But the snakes told me they eat the mice," Harry whined, "I was saving them."

I was almost unable to smooth things over. Needless to say the people at the zoo now hated me. I was asked to leave and was only allowed to stay when I pointed out that one of my charges was still running amuck somewhere on the zoo grounds. I locked Harry up with the rest and proceeded to find the last member of my group, Javert.

I finally spotted Javert walking swiftly towards the exit escorting a, (I did a double take), gorilla. The gorilla appeared to be handcuffed and the French detective was lecturing the animal.

"You can not fool me prisoner 24601," he was saying, "I can tell it's you."

"That is not," I yelled as I ran over to stop him, "Val-Jean. That is a gorilla. Let it go now. Put it back where you found it, now!" He gave me a bewildered look.

"I know that it is him," he sang at me, "and now I see your treachery, you are working with," his voice rose to a loud crescendo that attracted a lot of stares, "prisoner 2, 4, 6, 0… 1!"

"That's very good detective," I said softly separating him from the gorilla, "but I am not working with Jean Val-Jean or a gorilla from the zoo." By now the zoo keepers had noticed that a gorilla had been arrested by one of my charges. I think the zoo staff was under the impression that I worked for an insane asylum. I let them live under that delusion since I wasn't anxious to try to explain my situation.

With the last of my ten charges safely under my care the owner of the zoo themselves showed up to ask us never to return again. I wasn't sure what had driven them over the edge, it could have been any of my charge's high jinks.

I didn't want to know. All I wanted was to go back to the mansion and sleep. As I lay down I heard a commotion from downstairs. It sounded like a sort of earthquake mixed with a tornado.

"Give yourself up!"

"I will fight to the death!"

"I will save you!"

"I will defeat you all to prove myself! I will probably die though!"

"I can't live without you!"

"Shut that thing off," Javert sang, "or you will kill us all!"

"YAY!" The entire group shouted as one.

"I never got my ice cream!" Denethor persisted, yelling at me through my closed door. I hit myself on the head and decided from now on to lock everyone in their own rooms at bed time.