I had to change the actual shown chapter name because ff wouldn't fit it. This one isn't as funny, but the chapter was short.
Chapter 2: "We All Knew it was Going to Happen"
Turtlekit listened, her ears which were too large for her head still pointing at the elder.
"Graypaw will face many challenges later on," Mudpelt mewed. "Well, not in this tale… But anyway—'' He was cut off by a shaggy gray kit who had entered the circle clumsily.
"Oh, what did I miss?" the ThunderClan kit asked excitedly, his eyes blaring with excitement.
"You missed your intelligence, Wolfkit," Saberkit growled sarcastically. "It's still in the apprentices' den. It's kind of squishy, sort of like a squash."
"Saberkit," Rosekit mewed with a raised rose-colored paw.
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
Turtlekit rolled her eyes. We're all mad here.
"So how far have you gotten?" Wolfkit asked, getting back on topic.
"Just where Rusty meets Bluestar and Lionheart," Bluekit informed like a good kitty cat.
"So this must be the part where Gandalf the Gray and Gandalf the White and Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Night come out of nowhere lightning fast," Wolfkit mewed. "I remember hearing this yesterday.
Mudpelt nervously looked to the side before hastily mewing, "Uh, on with the story!"
"You're a threat to our Clan!" Bluestar announced fiercely. "You steal our food and prompt our apprentices to become mass-murderers!"
"What she said!" Lionheart agreed, before becoming extremely interested in the soil between his claws.
"Threat?" Rusty said incredulously. "If anyone's a threat, it's Graypaw!" Bluestar was about to say something when she realized Rusty was exactly right.
"That was weird," Bluestar said. "You were actually correct."
"Cool!" Graypaw was not far away pawing at a flamethrower that hung from a tree.
"Dear StarClan!" Bluestar sighed. "Lionheart, you do something about him. He is your apprentice."
"Hey, the only reason I'm here is to make you look good," Lionheart growled. "What would ThunderClan be without the blundering idiotic bossy warrior who's trying to suck up in hopes of being deputy? Huh?"
"He's got a point," Rusty agreed.
Bluestar wanted to deny it, but it was true. Sadly true. How did she become the leader of these dolts anyway? "You fell in love with a RiverClan cat, gave your kits; your greed was fat…" She flipped her head to see Spottedleaf taunting her with that accordion of hers.
"You're not even supposed to be here," Bluestar told the tortoiseshell medicine cat in a sharpish way.
"Aw Bluey, don't be a player hater," Spottedleaf whined.
"She's prettyful!" Firepaw said spontaneously. "Wait—I wasn't supposed to say that aloud!"
"Oh! Shiny!" Graypaw had gotten the flamethrower to work, and now the fire was blowing at the dusty ground. He stuck his paw in expectantly, watching little cinders fall from his paw until it had become grayish-black.
"And that's why they call him Graypaw," Lionheart meowed as he joined his apprentice and knocked the flamethrower over a fence and onto some Twoleg's prize watermelon with a sizzle and a splut.
"Hey!" Graypaw said, discouraged as he gathered his Noble Peace Prize and padded away from his mentor with mild disdain.
"Anyway, since you're here," Bluestar said to Rusty. "Want to join those idiots for a purpose that I don't really care about?"
Rusty thought about it. What if Smudge stole his rubber mousy while he was gone! "A warrior's life is a difficult one," Spottedleaf added. "Not that'd I know. I'm just some medicine cat filler who gets killed early on!"
"How do you know that stuff?" Bluestar asked.
"Got connections with my dead homies," Spottedleaf answered with a flick of the tail. "And Kate Cary," she coughed. "And Chedrith Baldry cough cough."
"Hm, how about I answer you tomorrow?" Rusty asked. "Then I'll have enough time to hide my rubber mousy and hide my Twolegs' car keys."
"Fine," Bluestar answered. "Did you know you're still a tom?"
"Yeah."
"Yep. You're definitely a tom."
"Uh-hu."
"A male cat. Not some she-cat like me."
"Nope."
"Yep."
"Uh-hu."
"How about Lionheart coming to pick you up tomorrow?" Bluestar asked offpawedly. "You're obviously going to say yes. We all knew this was going to happen."
"Yep."
"Rusty?"
"Yep."
"RUSTY!"
"Oh, what?" Rusty said, snapping alert.
"You stopped paying attention to me. That's not good."
"Oh. Right."
"Well, see ya tomorrow."
"Okay."
"Bye, Rusty!" Spottedleaf shouted before ducking down into the woods.
"Bye shiny—I mean Rusty!" Graypaw said, being moved along my Lionheart.
"I'm important!" Lionheart said ignobly as he continued to leave majestically.
"Goodbye Rusty!" Bluestar yelled last. "I hope to see you soon at ThunderClan."
"Bye!" Rusty called back, wondering what the entire point of that was.
After all, it was obvious he was going to join ThunderClan. Rusty used his finely honed flamingo instincts to jump up on the fence and fly through the house to his bed. He lay down in a tight cuddle and closed his eyes in hopes of sleep.
His green eyes suddenly shot open. "Oh. My. Gosh," he realized. "I just went INTO THE WILD!"
I'll try to incorporate something German in the next chap! See ya then!
