A/N: This chapter brought to you by sobbing Albel…and the number 4, which coincidentally happens to be the number of brain cells I have left. 0o okay, moving on…I'm sure there will be a lot of movie references in this thing…if you can find them you get a…well, I think I can get you something…an invisible cookie perhaps? Or an imaginary rabbit? XD

Disclaimer: Welcome to the wonderful world of Star Ocean as it should be for hilarious comedic purposes…objects in author's imagination are stupider than they really are…

After the frightening experience, Cliff was the first one to take charge. "Okay, everyone line up and we'll assess the damage."

Albel sniffled and retreated further into his corner. "Please, it wasn't my fault. Don't hurt me!" He cowered, putting his hands over his head.

"Of course it wasn't your fault if you were bitten. Don't be so dense." Cliff sighed impatiently. "Albel, just get over here so I can look at you."

Albel cringed and stood next to Cliff with his head bowed in shame. Cliff rolled his eyes and examined Albel's arm. "Looks like you were bitten pretty badly." Albel flinched and tried to pull away. Cliff just held on tighter. "Not so fast. You'll need to go to the medical ward and get it treated, but you'll be fine."

Cliff drummed his fingers on the control panel. "I said for everyone to get over here! I'm not joking!"

Nel eyed Cliff over the top of a notebook and began writing furiously as she muttered in a low voice. "And thusly do wild roses bloom, all covered by thorns. And thusly do the flowers fade, into the glistening morn."

"Now is not the time for poetry," Cliff growled. His eyes fell upon Fayt and Sophia. "Hey! No public displays of affection! There will be no making out on this ship. Don't make me separate you two!"

Reluctanly, Fayt moved away from Sophia. Sophia sighed happily and gazed at fayt with devotion. "Oh, Fayt," she whispered. "Fayt. Fayt, Fayt, Fayt."

Fayt however, had already forgotten about Sophia and he was looking at Nel hungrily.

Cliff frowned. "Okay, now where's Peppita?"

"Right here, sir," Peppita said shyly, her hands clasped behind her back and one foot inclined forward.

"Okay, good. Stand over there with everyone else so I can just walk down the line and look you over."

"Yes, sir," Peppita said meekly.

"Let's see…who else are we missing? Mirage, Roger, Adray…and Maria."

Adray jumped up from behind a control panel, his eyes blazing with fury as he looked around wildly. "Where is she? Where is that good for nothing daughter of mine? I'm going to kill her! I hate, I loathe, I despise!"

Cliff looked slightly disturbed. "Restrain yourself, sir."

"It was all her fault," Adray muttered mutinously.

"But Clair's adorable!" Mirage shrieked, her hair covered in butterfly clips. "I can't believe how adorable she is. I could shop with her all day. She's just-" Mirage broke off with a delighted scream.

Adray frowned. "Good for nothing girl."

"Who's' Clair?" asked Roger, his eyes wide with childlike wonder.

"So cute!" Mirage shrieked, scooping Roger up in her arms.

"You're a nice lady," Roger murmured sleepily, contentedly snuggling up in Mirage's arms. "Will you be my mommy?"

Mirage squealed with happiness. "Oh my god, this will be so much fun! I'll get you the cutest outfits. Let's go shopping right away!"

"Not so fast!" Cliff shouted. "Nobody is going anywhere until I check for injuries."

Mirage pouted. "Spoilsport. I want to take care of roger."

"You can do that later. Everybody line up. Maria, that means you!"

Maria spun around excitedly in wide circles. "Whee!" She brought up her gun and fired at the ceiling. A small bit of insulation rained down and the force of the shot knocked Maria to the ground.

"Stop blowing holes in my ship!" Cliff roared. "Now, get over here before I decide to shoot you with that thing."

Maria shrugged and happily skipped over to the end of the line.

Cliff carefully traveled down the line, stopping here and there to inspect an arm or a neck and barking instructions. Albel was shaking badly and looked about to pass out. Roger was clinging nervously onto Mirage's legs.

"Okay, nobody's hurt too badly," Cliff announced. "You can all use some antibiotics and then you'll be fine." He paused and frowned thoughtfully. "I'm missing someone."

"Oh wow! Look at this!" a voice exclaimed.

Cliff turned around and rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Maria, I told you to stay put!"

"Pretty colors!" Maria declared, slamming a fist down onto an orange button. The ship instantly went dark and then something strange happened…