Chapter warnings: This chapter is set after Avengers: Endgame. So yes, there are spoilers from all the movies before that, but they are very few.
Before Steve travelled back in time to return the infinity stones, Thor had used them to do two things: bring Loki back to life, and rebuild the Asgard that Hela and Surtur had destroyed during Ragnarök. Their "sister" was dead, so even though he didn't like the idea very much, Thor was the king of Asgard. Loki was recognised as the saviour of the people, so his title of prince was once again restored. He still was the next in the line of succession to the throne, until Thor had a child. However, the god of thunder didn't seem interested in producing an heir.
They haven't shared any intimate encounters, but Thor had kissed him fiercely when he first saw him alive again. That was the only romantic touch they had shared. Loki wanted more, and he was able to recognise it, at least just for himself; he wasn't going to share it. Instead, they were behaving exactly as they should have from the beginning: like brothers. Thor was finally able to understand that diplomacy wasn't his forte, so he sought Loki's help. Loki gladly took on the endeavour of helping the king with all the diplomatic issues, so they both found their purpose in their kingdom.
Loki had had a lot of time to reflect on his past attitude and actions. He had concluded that there was no need for him to feel like an outcast. Sure, he wasn't born in Asgard, but he was raised there by none other than the Allfather and Frigga. He was raised to be a Prince of Asgard, and he knew perfectly how to do it. In fact, he didn't even know how to act like a Jotun. He went to Jötunheimr three times in his whole life, and he hadn't felt like he belonged there. Besides, there was the fact that Odin had recognised him as his son before passing away. That had changed everything in his heart. At last, he only wanted to see Asgard prosper like the great kingdom it was and is. And he was more than able to help with that endeavour.
Loki was reading a book, sitting on one of the balconies which led to the interior garden of the palace. He was immersed in that book since it contained a difficult and different spell that he hadn't seen before, which was rare. He was trying to concentrate to his fullest since he wanted to learn it. He didn't know what for yet, but his instincts told him that he would eventually need it.
Unexpectedly, Loki felt a hand on his neck and passionate lips on his. It was unusual, but sometimes Thor was able to surprise him. That was one of those times since Loki was so concentrated on his book that he hadn't paid any attention to his surroundings. He almost fell off the balcony to the hall, but Thor's chest was there to catch him. The blond god pressed his body to Loki's back, and the raven-haired was able to feel Thor's hard member on his back.
"I've missed you so much." whispered Thor, nuzzling Loki's nose with his own. "I can't wait to have you once again. Come to my room with me?" his voice was raspy because of his arousal. Loki's heart throbbed with a sense of belonging that wasn't real. Thus, the sorcerer quickly disappeared from his brother's arms, standing in front of him in the hall.
"No, Thor!" he answered, panting. "I'm tired of being used. I won't let you use my body anymore."
"What are you saying, brother? I don't use your body…" Thor was clearly confused.
"You do. I am nothing but a playboy for you. You use me to satisfy your desires, and then I'm just your little brother. I will not stand it anymore." Loki didn't have that much conviction on his mind, but he was able to transmit it through his words. After all, he was the best liar there was.
"That is not true. I love you, deeply." the sadness in his voice and features was more than evident. Loki sighed.
"If this is the way you show your love, brother, then I don't want it. I am not your playboy, and won't be any longer." he walked away from Thor, because he couldn't stand to be there a minute more.
Loki made it seem like he was going to the palace's library, unaffected by the conversation that he had just had with Thor. Actually, he was torn into pieces and went straight to his private chambers. He cast a spell so Heimdall wouldn't be able to see him, and left his spelling book on his desk. He threw himself into his bed and started to cry. There was a time when he would have regarded crying as a sign of weakness, but he had learnt the hard way that there was nothing wrong with showing his emotions. Moreover, being able to be honest with Thor about how he felt in their relationship -if what they had qualified as such- felt good. Well, it didn't feel good because of how things ended up between them. However, he could finally appreciate the greatness of being honest.
And his heart was shattered into pieces.
To make matters worse, Loki had forgotten that four days after that awful but necessary conversation they had a very important feast with some diplomats. Both of them had to be there since they were both needed.
During the day, Loki had ridden on his horse with some extra stallions for the foreigners showing them the beauty of Asgard and his people. That journey was relatively easy for him since Thor hadn't come along with them. The king had welcomed the guests and then excused himself with some urgent matters. That was a lie, but Loki was relieved that he didn't have to spend all his day and his night with Thor.
Unluckily, he had to sit next to his brother during the whole feast, and those usually lasted too long for his liking. Loki sighed, admiring himself in the mirror of his private chambers, adjusting the last details of his leather armour. He had to use it for those kinds of events, and he wasn't complaining about it. He just wished that he didn't have to spend the whole night next to Thor. They hadn't talked about anything except for their work, and they were always surrounded by Thor's council.
He walked down the corridors until he reached the grand room where the feast was being held. Loki waited nervously outside since it was the protocol that he had to enter with Thor. He heard the god of thunder footsteps behind him, and he couldn't help the tension that built up in his back. Thor didn't even look at him while they waited for the big doors to open from them.
"I need to speak to you privately." said Thor with no emotion in his voice. Loki sighed, it was time for him to bring the trickster back.
"I think that we have said enough." he answered while smiling falsely. It was the smile he had to use the whole night, so it was a good time to start as any.
"You have spoken your mind. You didn't let me defend myself from your accusations." Loki knew he was being watched by the other god, but he remained with his sight on the golden doors in front of him.
"There is nothing else we need to discuss." he insisted, forcing his voice to sound normal.
"Yes, there is. How can you believe that I don't love you, Loki? How can you even think for one second that I just want to have sex with you?" his voice seemed to show incredulity. Loki didn't believe that Thor was lying, at least there was no indication of it in his voice, but he didn't find the bravery inside of him to look at his brother.
"I don't think this is the right time or place to talk about that, brother." Thor huffed.
"I don't care. It's true what I said: I love you. I have never loved anybody as I love you. And it's not just your body, which you are well aware that I like a lot. But it's you, Loki. I. Love. You." Loki sighed again.
Loki was going to reply, but the big doors opened before them. He was relieved, to be honest. He wasn't sure how to answer his brother's confession. He wasn't sure that he believed his words. He wasn't sure about anything, to be honest.
They both entered the crowded room with fake smiles plastered on their faces, nodding to every person there. They sat at a table next to each other, and the festivities began. Loki usually didn't drink on those occasions, since talking with the guests required a great effort of him. He was silver-tongued, it was true, but the dullness of the topics of conversation usually won the best of him, and he couldn't allow it to happen. However, he needed to drink after what Thor had said to him.
It was very late, the food had already been eaten, and Loki still found himself drinking wine like it was water. There were usually two types of drinks on the feasts: wine and beer. While his older brother enjoyed the latter, he preferred wine. Maybe something stronger, like bourbon, but there wasn't any available there. Thus, he stuck to wine, drinking eagerly, avoiding talking to Thor at all costs.
He was feeling a little bit tipsy when he found himself standing up from his table and walking towards a table full of foreign women. He wasn't in the mood to be his usual charming self with women, but his drunken brain thought it would be a great idea at that moment. So he was courteous, charming and flirty. The women there all giggled with his ways, and he was winning them over easily. He didn't take a look at Thor, but he was able to feel his look burning on his back, and by the Norns, he was really happy about it.
At least you are feeling a tiny bit of what I have felt all these past years…thought Loki, while smiling charmingly and playing the part of the perfect prince. It was a matter of some more minutes until he was leaving the feast, surrounded by those five gorgeous women. Everybody would think he was going to bed them, and they should be right.
However, when they reached the end of the corridor, he asked the guards to guide the women to their chambers, while he retired alone to his own. It was all a façade, to make his king jealous, and he had succeeded. He didn't need to bed those women, moreover, he didn't want to. When he imagined himself bedding someone, it was Thor. There was no other person in his mind or his heart. But, could he trust what the god of thunder had said? Was his love for Loki true? Did he love him the way Loki did? Or was it just desperation? He went to sleep with all those questions in his drunken head, with no answer to them.
Loki woke up the following morning with the sound of Thor's heavy steps coming through the secret passage which connected their chambers. Following his pantomime from the previous night, he cast a spell so as to make it appear that the five women were sleeping in different parts of his room, all of them naked. He even undressed himself to make the illusion more believable.
Loki closed his eyes and pretended to be sleeping when he heard the secret door open. Thor's footsteps came to a halt, and even when he wasn't seeing him, Loki was able to feel his surprise and anger. Then, the god of thunder cleared his throat, no doubt to try and regain some control.
"Loki, wake up. We have an important breakfast with our guests before they part." his voice was trembling, probably out of anger.
Loki played the part perfectly, faking to be asleep, then got up from the bed, careful not to touch any of his illusions so he wouldn't ruin the magic. He even said goodbye to his 'lovers' before following his brother down the secret passage. He had to restrain himself from chuckling since Thor was furious.
When they reached the god of thunder's private bedroom, he took Loki by the shoulders, squeezing a little bit too hard. His deep blue eyes showed the storm of emotions he was feeling, but Loki was able to recognise mostly sadness. Looking at those eyes, he found the answers to all the questions he might have had the previous night, and he regretted the way he had played with Thor's feelings and emotions.
"Why did you do that to me, Loki!?" asked the blond, shaking the prince a little. Loki arched an eyebrow. "Why did you bed those women!?" Loki was amused to see him lose his temper like that, but at the same time, he didn't want to be the cause of that storm.
"Oh, so what you really mean is: why did you do to me what I have done to you so many times during the past centuries?" even when Loki was feeling a tremendous swirl of emotions, his face remained stoic.
"What in the name of Hel are you…?" Thor immediately stopped talking, realising what Loki had said. "This is the way you have been feeling, isn't it?" he asked slowly, in a whisper. Loki just nodded and tried to look away, but the blond didn't let him. He grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at those stormy blue eyes. Sadness was all there was to see in them. "I am so sorry, Loki. I was young and stupid and I didn't realise how much I love you until I lost you forever. I assure you that I didn't have any intentions of hurting you." for some reason, Loki believed him. Maybe it was because Loki was the god of mischief, and he could tell when his king was lying.
"I believe you. And I didn't bed anyone last night. Now, didn't we have to go to this breakfast…?" he asked, trying to get out of this conversation. But of course, Thor wouldn't have it. Although, the god of thunder sighed, clearly relieved when he heard Loki's confession.
"I need you to tell me, brother. Do you not share my affections?" hope was shining bright on those eyes. Loki closed his for a moment, sighing.
"I do, Thor. You should know damn well that I do. But there are some moments that we need to clarify and talk about before we start to talk about our feelings. And we don't have the time now. We should be able to talk later." at least the storm in the blue eyes was gone.
"Very well, then. Let's get this meeting out of our schedules so we can talk freely. About everything, Loki."
The god of mischief nodded, not being able to find his voice or strength to reply. Before they left Thor's chambers, he kissed Loki on the lips affectionately, showing the love he claimed to feel. Loki was dizzy when he was finally free from the blond's kiss and hug, and he followed the other to the big room where their guests were already waiting for them to start eating. It was going to be a long meal indeed.
