Three weeks had passed since Loki had cast his spell, and he hadn't undone it yet. First, he needed to know if it worked. He had made sure that every evening -and some mornings too- of those three weeks Thor made love to him at least once. It wasn't a difficult task, however, he was exhausted.
Their wedding was taking place a week from that day, and as he had predicted, the council didn't like it. They wouldn't say anything to Thor -they knew that if they dared to say something, their lives were at risk- but there were subtleties everywhere which Loki surely caught up. There was nothing they could do, nonetheless. Everything was set in motion.
Loki sighed, before walking quickly down the corridors that led to the throne room. He knew for sure Thor was there since he was having a meeting with his council. Thor wanted to take some days off after their wedding, so he needed to tell the council what they should do. Loki would be the one following in the line of command, but of course, he wasn't available either.
Loki entered the room without asking for permission to do so since he didn't need it. He nodded to acknowledge all the people belonging to the council, but he didn't stop until he was standing next to the throne, where Thor was sitting. The blond watched him with amazement and a sweet smile on his lips.
I wish to see that same smile upon my return…Loki thought while putting his hand on one of Thor's shoulders.
"I need to speak to you privately. Now." he said, trying to keep his voice calm.
"Do you need to discuss your wedding dress?" asked Volstagg laughing. Thor just smiled, because he knew that his friend didn't mean to insult any of them. Loki knew it too, but his nerves were on edge. Thus, he turned his gaze to the red-haired warrior with a mischievous smile.
"Yes, Volstagg. In fact, we cannot find a dress which suits you." Loki answered him while taking Thor's free hand to make him stand up. The blond did and followed him to a private room next to the throne room, laughing hard at the look on Volstagg face.
"What's the matter, my love?" the king asked Loki once they were alone. The god of mischief sighed.
"I need to go to Vanaheim. There is a sorceress there, who Mother used to talk to me about, and I need to see her urgently." Thor was in shock and undoubtedly hurt.
"Loki, our wedding is in a week. Can't you go after we get married?" his voice was shaking. Loki put his hands on both of his cheeks, caressing him, trying to soothe him.
"No, I need to go before the wedding. But don't worry, it'll only take a couple of days. I will be back before you know it." he tried to speak sweetly as Thor speaks to him when he is insecure, but he didn't know if he had succeeded or not.
"Brother, if you want to cancel our wedding you just need to tell me…" Thor's blue eyes were so hurt that Loki felt that same hurt inside.
"Listen to me. We are getting married. We are going to spend the rest of our lives together. I will come back, I swear. Please, brother, trust me. I beg you." Loki was starting to let his desperation show.
"But, you don't beg…" said Thor, confused.
"I know. But I'm doing it now. I beg you to trust me. I will be back before the wedding. This has nothing to do with that. Please, trust me."
"Alright, I think. Be safe, please. And come back to me. I love you, Loki."
"I'll always come back to you." he answered, imitating the same answer Thor had given him a long time ago.
They shared a sweet kiss and both of them were reluctant to let the other go. However, Loki knew it was necessary. He took a last glance at the owner of his black heart before disappearing.
I'm doing this for you. It needs to be done, Loki reminded himself while fighting back the tears.
Loki returned to Asgard three days later, appearing instantly in his and Thor's chambers. He wasn't happy at the way he found everything there: all the curtains were closed, there was no light, Thor was lying on his front on the bed naked, and Sif was standing next to him, worry showing on her face. There were also a lot of empty jars on the floor everywhere, which was a clear indication that Thor had been drinking too much. Even Mjöllnir wasn't in its usual place. Loki sighed.
"Loki, you're back…" said Sif surprised. She wasn't even able to close her mouth. "Look, this is not…"
"Thank you for taking care of him, Sif. I'll manage from now on." he interrupted her. Sif just nodded before exiting the room.
Loki cleaned up the mess with his magic while opening all the big golden curtains. He heard Thor grunt, complaining about the light, but he ignored him. After doing that, he sat in the bed next to his king. Loki massaged Thor's head, noticing that he hadn't washed his hair during these days. He sighed again.
"Sif, I swear I'm going to kill you if you keep trying to get me out of here." Thor said through gritted teeth, not opening his eyes or changing his position.
"Should I be offended that you can't tell the difference between Sif and me?" Loki asked, trying to be humorous, even though he was kind of nervous. He needed to talk to Thor urgently, but the god of thunder needed to be in a better state of mind for their talk.
"Loki?" asked Thor turning his head to look at him, surprised. "You're here?" he lifted a shaky hand to touch Loki's arm.
"I told you I was coming back. I know I have told you that before, but this time, I meant it. I'm here, and I'm really angry at you. This," he said, grabbing one of Thor's asscheeks. "is mine. Only mine to see and enjoy. And now Sif has seen it too." he said trying to keep it light between them. They would need to be serious later on. Thor moved quickly, hugging Loki and letting his head rest on his chest. Loki was surprised, but he didn't hesitate to hug him back.
"I thought that I had lost you again. And I didn't know what I did this time… I'm lost without you, Loki. Please, don't leave me again." Loki felt some tears on his chest, and he felt the urgent necessity to do anything in the world to erase them.
"I have never left you, brother. And I will never do it. Now, there is something I need to tell you. But you better go and wash, I can't stand your odour anymore." he said while caressing Thor's back.
The blond god rushed to the bathroom. Loki looked at him smiling, although his smile disappeared once Thor was out of the room. He stood up and walked slowly to the part of the room where he had some bookshelves, two armchairs and a little coffee table. He sat down in one of the armchairs, crossed his legs and caressed his temple.
Loki knew he had to tell Thor everything, but he also knew that his lover's reaction could be disastrous. He never accepted the idea, and Loki had done it all behind his back. There was a time when he would do anything behind Thor's back without hesitation nor regret, but he wasn't that person anymore. Or at least, he tried not to be.
This is necessary. It's the best for him, Loki reminded himself, trying to not let his worry win the best of him and failing miserably.
If there would have been a way to avoid not telling Thor about his now successful plan, he would have done it without hesitation. Nevertheless, he wasn't able to find a way. So he had done it without asking him, risking losing him forever.
There was a sudden lump in Loki's throat when he thought that there was a high chance that he would lose what he valued the most. His only reason to keep on breathing.
No, he thought sharply, now you have another reason to keep on breathing. Even if you fail to keep Thor, you will always have a part of him with you.
He gasped with surprise when he was pulled from his seat, his chest collided with Thor's warmer and stronger one, and fierce lips were kissing him deeply. Loki knew that he needed to tell Thor everything instead of kissing him, but he couldn't resist it. He hugged Thor, grabbed his shirt and returned his kiss. There was desperation in their kiss, not to mention Loki's fear of never being kissed like that again by his king. Thor's mouth tasted like mint, lemongrass, and peppermint, which was an old beverage to help with strong headaches, but it suited him just fine.
Thor embrace was so strong around his waist that Loki quickly was whimpering because of the pain. He was released almost immediately, while Thor caressed both his cheeks and pressed his forehead to Loki's. The god of mischief was panting, trying not to be misguided by the happiness he was feeling and which Thor was radiating.
"I know you missed me, but I told you we need to talk." Loki said, catching his breath and convincing himself that it was necessary, even if it was going to be hurtful.
"I know. But I just needed to kiss you once again, to feel you, to know that you're really here and it's not another dream of mine." he smiled happily. They sat in an armchair each, and Thor took his hands in his. However, Loki took them away to place them on his thighs. Thor looked at him confused. "What's wrong, my love?" Loki tried to remember those words in the back of his head because he didn't know for sure if he was going to hear them again.
"I am with child." he said, going straight to the point. Thor looked even more confused than before.
"But…how? You never change into a female form when you were with me…" Loki looked at him straight into the blue eyes he loved so much. He wouldn't let Thor think that this baby wasn't his.
"On the outside, I remained the same. However, I cast an old and difficult spell, which changed my gender on the inside. The baby is a month old…" he informed Thor while instinctively putting one of his hands on his belly, where their baby was growing.
"How do you know?" Thor asked in a whisper.
"I told you I went to Vanaheim to see a sorceress. You know that Mother used to be the goddess of fertility and this lady, Eyra, used to help her in difficult cases. She confirmed that I was with child and that he or she was a month old. She explained to me everything that I needed to do, how to take care of him or her, and ultimately how I will give birth." he was talking too much, he knew it. But Thor was in complete silence, not even looking at him, so his nervousness was increasing every passing second. After twenty minutes, he wasn't able to stand it anymore. "Say something…" he asked in a whisper.
"So you did all of this behind my back, even when I told you I didn't want an heir?" Thor asked incredulous and angry at the same time.
"Yes." he sighed. "I thought it would be the best for you and our relationship if…"
"Loki, you were supposed to be changed by now. This is something I would've expected from you before we had a relationship, not now." Thor interrupted him, anger and hurt clear in his voice.
"I know, but I swear…" he tried to explain, but again, he was interrupted.
"Don't!" he shouted making Loki's green eyes go wilder. "I can't trust you anymore. You're using a child for your own benefit, Loki!" Thor got up from his armchair and started to pace back and forth.
"Wait, Thor, I'm not…" how could he think that he would do that? Alright, there was a time he would have done it, but after everything they had gone through?
"I can't talk to you right now. I'll see you later." Thor said before going out of their chambers. That conversation went as well as Loki had thought it would go. He felt a weird sensation inside his belly, where the baby was growing.
"Don't worry, little one. I will keep you safe. No matter what your father decides to do, you will always have me." he whispered, fighting back his tears.
Even though his baby was very little, he used a little bit of his magic to trespass his skin and he immediately felt a connection with the little being who was growing inside of him. Loki knew right then that he would do anything for his baby, even if it was without Thor by his side.
Loki knew that he needed to give Thor his space to think through all the information he had given him, but at the same time, he didn't want to stay there. Everything in that room reminded him of Thor, and he didn't want to think about him. Loki loved him more than anything, Thor was his first and only love, but he wouldn't force him to accept their baby. He would leave Asgard and raise the baby all by himself. He wouldn't bother Thor if he didn't want to.
Loki stood up from the armchair, prepared to leave that room. He needed to breathe some fresh air after the horrible conversation he had with Thor. However, he could only make it until the middle of the hall before he started to feel dizzy, everything turning upside down in his head. He tried to grab a column to stabilise himself, but he failed in his attempt. He fell to the ground as everything turned black.
Loki woke up in the bed he shared with Thor. The god of thunder was pacing back and forth in front of him, but he sighed relieved when he saw Loki awake. The blond sat next to him in the bed, grabbing his hand between both of his.
There was a healer from the palace right next to him, making him some herbal tea for him to feel better. However, when he smelled the herbs, nausea hit him so hard that he had to get up from the bed, run to the bathroom and vomit on a sink he found there. Thor was next to him almost immediately, grabbing his hair so he wouldn't empty his stomach on it. He was grateful, but he wasn't able to verbalise it because his vomiting continued.
After nausea had left him completely, Loki felt so weak that he needed Thor to carry him to the bed once again. Not that the god of thunder was complaining, and it wasn't the first time that he had done it either. Thor left him carefully in the bed, while the healer looked at them very confused. Loki didn't want anyone to know about the baby until some months had passed, but it was obvious that he had to explain at least something.
However, before Loki was able to say something, Thor dismissed everybody from the room, leaving both of them alone. Loki again was grateful to his king, but he was worried about his baby. Quickly, he put his hand in his belly and again send some magic to the little being. He was really worried that something had happened to the baby, but once his magic was able to reach him, he knew that everything was fine. He let out a sigh of relief, and Thor looked at him clearly lost.
"I was worried for the baby. I just checked that he or she was fine." he explained, feeling his throat dry. "Can you give me some water, please?"
"Of course. How did you check on the baby?" he asked while grabbing a golden cup, filling it with water and giving it to Loki. He grabbed it and drank it eagerly before answering.
"I discovered that I can connect with him with my magic. I don't know how it works, but I can feel how he feels when I concentrate my magic on him. Of course, I don't use any magic to harm him. Just to check on him." he didn't know if he was making any sense, but it was difficult for him to understand it so, of course, he wasn't able to explain it correctly.
"I apologise for my reaction earlier." Thor said, caressing his cheek. Loki didn't want to get his hopes up just because of that simple touch, but he couldn't help it. "Do you really love this baby?" he asked, looking at him with intensity on his blue eyes.
"Yes. So much that I can hardly believe it. I would fight Thanos and Hela together, all by myself, just to keep him safe." Loki was on the verge of crying, so he gulped to fight it back. He failed.
"I don't approve of the way you have done this, but it's our baby. The future king of Asgard." Thor said caressing his cheek to clean up his tears. Loki looked at him, his green eyes big with surprise.
"Does that mean that we will stay together?" he didn't like the way his voice was breaking. But even if he was able to stabilise his voice -which he wasn't- his eyes would have betrayed him.
"Loki, I love you. As I told you, I don't approve of your method. But, at the end of the day, it's the only way you know how to do everything. I'd like you to change it, but, then again, you wouldn't be yourself if that were to happen. I really love you, I have loved you since I knew this kind of feeling existed, and I loved you even after you tried to kill an entire race, twice." he chuckled. "So, if you tell me that you love this baby, then I believe you. And I love him too. He's ours. But I have to be honest, I'm still finding it hard to believe that you were able to pull this. You're incredible, Loki." Loki smiled.
"I will take that as a compliment. And even when Mother is no longer with us for some years now, I think she's guiding me from Valhalla." Thor chuckled. "She has always guided me, trying to get me to the right path. I can see it now. I just wish she was here to tell her…" he sighed. Thor kissed his forehead.
"As you said, she's watching you from Valhalla. And I'm completely sure that she is proud of you and the person you have become." Thor made a pause. "I'm proud of you, brother. You have knocked down all your defensive walls to let me in, and I swear that I will protect you and our baby with my life if necessary." Loki caressed Thor's cheek.
"Thank you. Let's just hope it's not necessary. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And let's hope that nausea won't ruin our wedding." they both chuckled, but then Loki was serious once again. "I love you, Thor." he said solemnly.
"And I love both of you, my two beautiful princes."
