A/N: Hmm… Don't judge me too harshly. I just wanted the chance to be selfish and make things better for myself. Ok. Judge me harshly…
On the plus side, this is my last angst fic! I have a particularly stupid and happy one all lined up…
Spoilers for the end of series 2
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Once again, thanks to eeveekitty85 for the fantastic and very helpful… help. Truly, you are awesome.
"I wasn't going to come," he said, quickly, as soon as she got close enough, "I wasn't going to come."
And it was true. He hadn't wanted to. He'd known about this single, solitary gap. The TARDIS had shown him. A rare, unpredicted chance at the furthest reaches of the galaxy. Another chance to see her. But he had resisted, because he cared about her too much. He was desperate - unbelievably desperate - to see her. Just to hear her voice, to look into her eyes and maybe see her smile. But he didn't want to hurt her anymore. They had already had the last goodbye moment and that had been hard enough. But to burst in again, and open the wound again, just seemed too cruel. So he had resisted.
It was the TARDIS who had intervened. Each time he set the co-ordinates for somewhere new, somewhere he could find the distraction of danger and excitement, she refused. And she brought him back to that tiny, desolate corner of the galaxy where she knew the possibility lived. And each time she did so, he felt his resistance crumble a little more. He had had stern words with the TARDIS. Had explained his reasons countless times, and she hadn't listened. Or she had listened and flatly refused to be moved. So, at last, he couldn't take it anymore. And he came.
"I'm glad you did," she said, gently, her gaze taking all of him in, reassuring herself that her Doctor was still around.
"Really?" he asked, nervously.
"Yeah," she replied, "I am. Mum was dead against it. Didn't want me to be…upset again. But how could I…" Tears slowly began to fill her eyes, "How could I pass up any chance of seeing you again?"
"I didn't want to make you cry," he said, sadly.
"Tough," laughed Rose, "So tell me, how long have we got this time?"
"Same as before," he said seriously, not taking his eyes off her, "Couple of minutes."
"Right," smiled Rose, "It's better than nothing."
"So…" began the Doctor, searching for something normal to say, "How are things at Torchwood? I bet you're a consistent employee of the month."
"They're great," answered Rose, slowly, and he smiled, relieved, "Really great. Not as great as travelling with you, obviously. But maybe the next best thing. To be doing something different…" She smiled bravely, "How about you?"
"Well…I've…" he hesitated, looking uncomfortable, "I've found someone to travel with…."
Rose looked up quickly, tongue poking into the side of her mouth, "Let me guess; younger and prettier than me?"
"Yeah," said the Doctor, "I've managed to pick up a twelve year old model. You've found me out."
Rose laughed, despite the feeble joke, and the Doctor smiled back sadly.
"It's ok," said Rose, seriously, "So long as you're not alone. You need someone with you."
"Rose… I-" she stopped him.
"Listen, there are things I need to say, ok? I know you're not my Doctor. I mean, I know you don't belong to me, but…"
"Rose," interrupted the Doctor, quietly, "I'll always be your Doctor. Always. And…." He shuffled a bit and looked down, before almost whispering, "You'll always be my Rose."
She struggled to hold them back, but before she knew it, tears were leaking from her eyes.
"I was going to stay with you forever," she said, choking out the words.
"You will, in a way." he said gently, but firmly.
She stared up at him, her eyes glistening with tears.
"I know it's selfish of me," she said, defiantly, "I know it is, but please, Doctor. Please don't forget me."
"So long as you won't forget me," said the Doctor, "And I know that's even more selfish of me. You should forget me… but I don't want you to."
Rose forced a laugh, "Of course I won't forget you. You know that."
"Well, then, you should know that I will never, Rose Tyler, never forget you."
"But your life is so much longer," said Rose, "Forgetting would be so much easier."
"Yeah, it would be. But when you… Well, when you love someone, you don't forget. Not ever."
He was crying now. Not uncontrollably, like her, but an inward crying shown by tearful eyes and an anguished face. They stared at each other for a few seconds, each desperately wanting to reach out and touch the other. Each knowing it was impossible.
He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to continue, but found himself back in the TARDIS. Alone.
She was sobbing again, and his hearts were breaking again. And with a sinking feeling, he realised that this was what he had wanted to avoid. But there are some things that should never be left unsaid, and the pain was worth the chance to right a wrong.
Meh. Ok, yeah, I know. Not great, not good. But I'm trying to get through my sadness by writing up angst.
But, still. I would love a review… :looks hopeful:
