/A/N: Sorry it took so long to post this! I've been busy and I've had a little bit of writer's block. Anyways, hope you like it! R&R please./
When I woke up, it was a beautiful day. The sun was slanting through the gaps in the blinds, exposing dust particles that floated in the streaks of light on their way to the wall. There was no trace of the rain from last night and only a few wisps of clouds were left. The precipitation had washed away all the exhaust that usually litters our city sky-line and left only a crystal-clear, blue sky.
But when I first woke up, I didn't know any of this. I didn't even open my eyes. Everything was so dark and warm and safe, and at first I didn't even realize that anything was out of the ordinary. Here I was, lying next to my husband, as things had always been and always should be.
And then I remembered.
Everything came crashing back to reality – not just the events of the previous day, but everything that had happened in the past year. The fights, the separation, the reunion, I realized it all then. The previous twenty-four hours had been more like a dream than reality. I was so tired that I couldn't really focus, couldn't really compute what was happening. There was a job that needed to be done, and that was the priority. Now, I knew.
But I pushed these thoughts from my mind because I realized also how lucky I was to find myself a happy ending after all. None of this mattered. None of this could ruin my perfect moment. I inched a little closer, if possible, to Tony and burrowed a little deeper into his arms.
I heard a soft exhale that was really a barely contained chuckle. Tony was awake and watching me sleep again. He's always loved doing this, since the first morning of our honeymoon. He says I do that often – cuddle a little closer – and he thinks it's cute. As if in response, he pulled me tighter against him and stroked my shoulder with his thumb.
I wanted to just lie there forever in this perfect contentment, but I figured even Tony was getting sick of just lying around looking at me. I opened one eye and looked up at him. "Morning," I said and closed it again.
"Morning to you too, sleepy-head," he replied with a little laugh. "You really must've been tired. Look at the time."
"Mmm…" I grumbled. "You look at the time. I'm comfy here."
He gave another chuckle. "It's 9:30! You've been sleeping since 6:30 last night."
My stomach grumbled on cue. "And I haven't eaten since then either." I finally decided to extract myself from the covers and propped myself up on one elbow. "How about some breakfast?"
"Sounds like a plan."
Somewhat reluctantly, I rolled over and sat up with my legs dangling off the side of the mattress. Tony followed me into the kitchen and his arm found its way around my waist, pulling me in for a quick kiss. We'd had too many close calls, too many false alarms in the past days and months to just let things be. We needed each other. It was as much of a gesture of love as "Is this really real?" It was like that brief space of time just after Tony got back from prison. Every second that we were together counted that much more.
I knew what he was feeling – I was feeling it too. We'd come too close to losing each other one more time, and it was not going to happen again. More than anything, I needed the reassurance that he was still there – that he was really there. The unique calm that Tony's touch always seemed to bring was even more something than it had ever been before, and we relished every moment of it.
Tony set about making our favorite – omelets – using the meager ingredients of my refrigerator. I smiled a little. Things were finally going back to how they should be. Our favorite. Our bed. Our house.
Tony caught me in my daydream. "What are you smiling at?" I'm sure he knew full-well what.
"Oh, nothing." I gave him a brilliant grin that meant he was on the right track, but I wasn't going to say it.
Our talk over breakfast was light and easy banter. Some of it was catching up, but I wouldn't define the conversation that way. For the most part, we were more ready to forget the past few months apart that we were to fill each other in on them. Nevertheless, we were willing to talk about whatever needed to be talked about. Almost.
However, there were two subjects that neither of us dared touch upon – Bill and Jen, each of our significant relationships during our time apart. For me, I wanted desperately to know about Jen, but at the same time, I didn't want to know. I wanted him to reassure me and to tell me that he never really liked her and that it wasn't that serious. But at the same time, I was afraid of what I might find out – that he had loved her, that his time with her wasn't that bad, and worst of all: that he'd slept with her.
It was terribly selfish of me, I know. After all, it was me who left him. He had every right to go out and start a new relationship, but that didn't make it sting any less. All in all, the wound was too fresh and I wasn't ready to broach the subject yet. Little did I know how quickly it would be thrust in my face.
After the meal, we had a slight pause in conversation as we tried to figure out what came next. We'd rarely had a whole day all to ourselves, even when we were married. There was almost always work in the morning. Even if one of us had the day off, the other almost always seemed to have something pressing to attend to at the office.
"Well, what are we going to do today?" I asked.
Tony pondered for a moment, apparently trying to find the right words to articulate what he was thinking. I was about to prod him with a "Go on," when he finally spoke up.
"Listen, Michelle… I uh, I know this isn't any easier for you than it is for me – harder, probably – but I need to wrap things up with Jen."
/Oh. That./I didn't say anything at first, not because I was angry, but because I didn't know what there was to say.
He, however, seemed to take it that way because he defended it: "You know I love you infinitely more than I could ever love anyone else, but I at least owe her the courtesy of an explanation, even if it's only to say good-bye."
He said the last part so regretfully that I felt a pang of jealously swell up, as much as I tried to suppress it. Why was I so worked up about this? Tony had just told me how much more he loved me, so why couldn't I get over the fact that he'd been with someone else, even for just a little while?
I pushed these feelings aside. Besides, the sooner he went to talk to Jen, the sooner I wouldn't have to worry about her anymore. I took his hand across the table and gave him what I hoped was a look that exuded resolute confidence. I was sure he was even more worried than me about the potential outcomes of this conversation. "Alright. I understand."
"Do you want me to go with you?" At first, I offered to go with Tony in case he wanted me there for… well, I don't know why but I thought I should offer out of politeness.
He thought about it for a moment and then vetoed it. "I don't know… I think it would be better to go alone."
I nodded. He was probably right. I'm sure Jen didn't want to see me, and frankly, I didn't want to see her either. Plus, Tony could have some time on the way there and back to collect his thoughts alone.
So about an hour later, after we'd each gotten ready, I found myself in front of the TV, pretending to be watching, but not really paying attention. Earlier I'd been pacing, but that was too frustrating, so I forced myself to sit down. Tony had been gone a half hour already. Jen lived about twenty minutes away, so I was sure he'd arrived by now. I didn't know how long he was planning on spending there, but it couldn't be that much longer, could it?
In the uncertainty, I started to play all sorts of absurd scenarios through my mind, the forefront of which was always:
What if he just doesn't come back?
As crazy as it sounds now, I couldn't shake the thought from my mind. Restless and a little worried, I resumed pacing for I don't know how long. When I got sick of that, I sat down on the couch again and waited. When I heard the key in the lock, I sat up straight hurried over to the door.
I barely let him get through the door and set his box of things down before I pulled him in for a kiss. I opened my mouth and let his tongue explore my mouth and his mine. It was a passionate kiss, a grateful kiss, and neither of us seemed to want it to end.
When we finally pulled apart, Tony let his forehead rest against mine. From the way he looked at me, I could tell that Jen hadn't taken it very well, or at the very least, it hadn't been a pleasant discussion. I looked at him closely, trying to read his eyes for some sort of explanation, but he was being very closed.
"I missed you," was all he said, and it was all I needed to hear.
