Steve Warz
Episode [Cogito]:
Viscus Per Oblivio
Nearly a year has passed and the galaxy has settled once more into stability despite the traumas of the Sephiroth/Chuck Norris crisis. The Jedi again find themselves separated and rather bored with this latest peace time, as to be expected. The oldest members bide their time with the dealings of Coruscant, whilst the Jaa-Ruuk children engage in their own forms of biding, be it galactic wanderings, music tours, or diplomatic ventures with a side of idle musings, in the case of humble Stanley.
Though the events of the past year are all but forgotten by most, the Jawa Squishy still thinks on the omnipotent "Master" and His parting words. A sign of ill-tidings to come? Either way, ponder was all he can d
…...
(Coruscant, midday. The airways are filled with busy traffic and the liveliness of roving pedestrians. Turn to a pair of tall skyscrapers connected by an enclosed walkway near their tops. Walking into it are the seven oldest Jedi: Jo, Copeland, Anna, Will, Sara, Squishy, and Sylvia. It's obviously a semi-casual walk for they are rife with idle chatter)
Will: *Yawn* Another weekly report out of the way. How many is that?
Jo: Just the one, Will.
Will: D**n, all this boredom's making me lose track of time.
Cope: Just be grateful these meetings are consistent.
Will: That's part of the problem!
Sara: The sad side effect of everything being so safe and peaceful on Coruscant lately. It just means the authorities, and by extension us, are doing a great job.
Will: I suppose. I might need to look into doing security detail on Nar Shaddaa or Rodia or some other cesspool. Those are usually still lively in peace time.
Squishy: You never struck me as a conflict-addict, Will.
Jo: Better watch yourself if you wanna go Hutt-ward, Will: that's my territory during bounty hunting season, and I'm not exactly a sharing guy in that regard.
Will: Hmff, that'd just make it more interesting.
Anna: I should probably try bounty hunting; I got the skills to wreck and kill. Alex, when we get back, we're looking into bounty hunter openings.
Cope: How about we don't.
Sylvia: Squishy, we should check up on the kids when we get back to our place.
Squishy: Not a bad idea. It's been sometime since we spoke to any of them. Maybe find out what part of the galaxy Rick is in this time.
Jo: Well I plan on getting some lunch to shake off this administrative funk.
Squishy: Ooh, that's a great idea too! I'm feeling a bit hungry.
Anna: It's not even one yet, Squish. You're small, but you gotta make sure you have enough to eat in the morning. Plain toast don't cut it.
Squishy: But it's so simple and yummy, and I don't really have the energy to ma—
Thunderous Silence
All Becomes
NOTHING
All Returns To…
VOID
(…...from the inky void comes a chorus of yelling, and dropping into sight are six Jedi, turning and hollering as they plummet through total nothingness. After half a minute of falling they land hard atop transparent ground in a scattered heap. For a while they lay there silent and dazed, but eventually get up, wincing from the impact)
Sara: Ow ow ow ow. My elbow.
Cope: What the h**l just happened?
Will: We fell, duh. Though, what happened to the walkway?
Jo: (Looks around) I think the better question is: What happened to Coruscant?
(Everyone takes stock of the endless infinite darkness around them)
Anna: What the flith is this? Where are we?
Sara: Hey, where's Sylvia?
Jo: Sylvia? (Looks over to a gazing Squishy, finding him alone) Yo Squish! Wasn't Sylvia next to you just now?
Squishy: Huh? (Looks to his side, and not spotting his wife begins looking around frantically) Sylvia? Sylvia!
Sara: Sylvia! (To the others) She couldn't have landed too far from us.
Cope: Look around you, Sara: There's nobody or nothing else here except us!
Squishy: No, that can't be right. (Holds out a palm as if reaching out) ….I can't feel her. Sylvia!
Will: Well fantastic! Godd**n Contractor blew up the universe and kidnapped Sylvia.
Sara: But he's supposed to be good now.
Jo: Well clearly he renounced his goody ways, Sara. Probably got as bored as the rest of us.
Squishy: No… No, it wasn't him. This isn't his style…. Something about this is all wrong.
Cope: And how would you know that exactly?
Squishy: It's just… Something's not right. Something's mi—
(A psychic blink flits through head, halting him mid-sentence)
Sara: Squishy?
(The Jawa remains still, as another mental flicker pulses)
Jo: Squish?
(Squishy slowly brings his fingers up to his head as the flickering becomes rapid. Suddenly there's a ringing, along with flashes of persons, one white and black. Squishy falls to a knee)
Anna: Hey Squish!
Will: You alright?
(He feels the conflict, the animosity. The radiant defiance growing from the one in white, which abruptly disappears along with the ringing. Rather then feel relief, the stillness in his mind leaves him shaken)
?: You can tell, can't you.
(The new yet familiar voice snaps Squishy out of his daze, prompting him to turn toward it)
?: That bad s**t's gone down? Well, it has.
(Everyone faces the newcomer: A short ways from them and leaning against a massive meat cleaver-like blade planted into the "ground" is a lanky sort of man, with a sorta punk face and sandy, messy hair and slim specs. Arms crossed and one leg retracted he looks at the group with a friendly smirk, whilst adorned in some kind of black coat)
Entré: Hola, mi Jedi amigos. Fancy seeing you in a place like this.
Will: We could be saying the same, Some Guy.
Sara: Hey, don't we know you? You look familiar.
Entré: Yeah, it's been a while hasn't it? Anyway, it's your good pal Entrepreneur. (Waving hand as he talks) Entré, Ace, Entré? You know, the guy who whipped you back when Financer was around? Dashing, untouchable, ring a bell?
Cope:..Oh, him.
Entré: Ahhhh, you definitely remember that encounter, haha. Yeah, not your greatest moment, huh?
Jo: Why are you here bugging us?
Anna: And what's happened?
Entré: Alright alright, I'm down with getting to the point. But I believe Will summed it up nicely in stating that the universe got blown up. Whodda thunk he'd get it right first try?
Will: What? You're kidding, right?
Entré: Afraid not, Willy. Although, you got one detail wrong. It wasn't the Contractor that made everything go "poof!" Nope, it's what happened to the Contractor that did all this.
Squishy: Happened to? What, what did—
Entré: No use trying to hide it, Squishy. You know exactly what happened, being sorta next-in-kin or something. As for the rest of you, bad news: Contractor is dead.
All: WHAT?!
Jo: How is that possible?
Sara: What… what killed him?
Cope: You're honestly believing him, Sara?
Entré: Hey, the proof's all around you. Or, what isn't around, as the case is. (He gets off his weapon and walks over, giving a light chuckle) Yeah, sad but true. Your benevolent creator was erased by the only force that can do him in: The Master Himself. Squishy can attest to that.
Squishy: Huh?
Cope: You were behaving strangely just a moment ago. Were you sensing something? Did you feel Contractor die, Squishy?
Squishy: I… I did.
Cope: (Flaps arms in exasperation) Just great. But hold on, how come none of us felt anything? We're his creations; why only Squishy?
Entré: Like I said, next-of-kin sorta deal. Though to be fair, it did take a while for the effects of his passing to reach here. Whole lot of head space to cover.
Anna: So, everything is gone? Everyone and everything, just no more?
Entré: Yep. All in a blink of an eye. Everything he created just... vanished, along with him. No galaxy, cities, acquaintances, aliens, or spaceships. A big loss for sure, but that's just how it rolls here.
Jo: Whoa okay time-out, guy. If everything went away because Contractor is dead, then why are we still here?
Sara: Yeah, we're still alive.
Entré: Now that's million dollar question if there ever was one, little lady. Why are you six still here in the corporeal realm? (Taps chin) Hmmm. My best guess is that due to your vast significance, you can retain autonomy independent from the Contractor's well-being.
Cope: Our vast significance?
Entré: Yeah, as the central main characters. Roles so significant you can exist separately from your creator, which is pretty bad-a** I'll admit.
Jo: If that's the case, then what about Sylvia and Rick and Stan and Sal? They're main characters too.
Entré: Yeeeees, but there's one other factor. Namely, that you six are based on persons who exist in the real world. You can develop an autonomous presence by being in the narrative spotlight for a heckin' long time, sure, but it helps a whole h*** of a lot if the framework of your being is founded on a pre-existing, personal memory. Something like that can't be wiped out by anything short of the decaying creep of time and serious brain damage. Sadly, darling Sylvia and the dear triplets are wholly made-up, much like the rest of your universe. They lacked that sweet solid anchor of tangibility like you guys, and therefore went away like everyone else. Tough break.
(Memories of the kids and Sylvia go through Squishy's head as he hears this)
Squishy: (Growing despair) They're… they're really gone?
Entré: Afraid so. And I know what you're feeling, but I'll need you to suck it up and keep it together. Ya can't give into despair this early, bucko.
Will: Then here's a different emotion. (Will briskly walks over to Entré and roughly grabs the collar of his coat, lifting him off the ground with ease) What do you mean "suck it up"? Those are our friends and his family you're talking about you a**hole! Where do you get off telling us to get over it when it hasn't even been five minutes?
Entré: Okay I came off a bit callous there but that's the way it is—
Will: Bull-s**t!
Entré: Honest! They're the circumstances laid out beyond any of our control, and losing your cool and ruffling collars isn't going to change that. I'm sorry. (After a pause, Will drops Entré) Call it unfair, but that's just how it is: A set of rules made by the Master, not me. This was done by His will, and we His followers are expected to follow without question. Not to say there wasn't any objections on the matter.
Jo: Objections? From who?
Entré: You remember the Accountant, that old guy you faced a few years back? Well, he was definitely on your side, and having the Contractor and all his work be terminated didn't sit well with him. He thought it was unreasonable, so he went to lodge a complaint. The Chief wouldn't have any of it though, so He had him sacked on the spot.
Anna: Sacked? Like—
Entré: Gone out just as swiftly as with Contractor. Yeah, things at HQ have been on edge for a while, so I figured something extreme like that was going to happen eventually.
Sara: Why don't you do something about it? That was your friend that just went away!
Entré: Didn't you hear me? Erased, on the spot, just cuz he wanted to voice an objection? Right now the boss is incredibly testy and I don't want to be on His bad side. I'm guessing His frustrations over your realm's continued existence finally got to be too much. But now with all that gone He should start cooling down and thinking more rationally. Although you'd think being the one in charge He'd give himself some vacation days to avoid this kind of catastrophic venting.
Anna: Not really. Right now I'm thinking more along the lines of… What are we going to do now?
Cope: Well I'll be d**ned if me or any one of us are just gonna walk around here for the rest of our lives. Not a chance in Hell.
Jo: Then what are we going to do instead, Alex?
Cope: Something! Like, have Squishy fix everything like he usually does.
Anna: What can Squishy do about all this? (Indicating the vast void)
Cope: I dunno. Ask him.
(All the while Squishy is just keeping to himself, looking off to the side)
Will: That's... probably not a good idea right now.
Cope: Grrrh, d***it!
(Trudges off frustrated, with everyone feeling tense and uncertain)
Entré: There is... one thing you all can try. You can go talk to the Master about it.
Cope: Wait, the Master?
Will: Your boss?
Jo: The Contractor's boss?
Anna: The one who stuck us here?
Squishy: Him…?
Sara: Really?
Entré: Surey sure. Go and present your side of things. No rule yet saying your kind can't have a talk with Him. Why not give it a shot?
Will: You're not just messing with us, are you?
Entré: Like I'd mess with you about something like this. Nuh-uh. With how distressed you're looking and no doubt feeling, the least I can do is offer you some course of action.
Jo: Not like there's any other alternatives to choose from. Okay guys, let's do it.
Sara: Yeah! Take us to your leader!
Anna: Now!
Entré: Ehhhh, no.
Anna: Huh? Why not, Appetizer?
Entré: Ha, ha. Anyway, I just can't take you straight to him. Escort service is something that's definitely going against the rules. 'Fraid you'll have to find Him yourself, but luckily for you, I can readily point you in the right direction.
Will: Alright. Do that.
Anna: And make it snappy.
Entré: Okay. But… (Smile) try not to be too amazed.
(A low rumbling is heard and felt, steadily growing more intense. Then, from the emptiness behind Entré, something jaw-dropping appears: A structure the size of a moon and looking like some Eldritch space castle, with numerous towers of various size and shapes jutting out from a gargantuan central metal cylinder that's set atop a half-spherical base encompassed by a ring of planetary width. Only after the ludicrous edifice stops its ascent do the Jedi raise any comment)
Cope: Ho-ly….
Sara: What… Is that….?
Entré: (Nonchalant) That there be Compendium Headquarters, ladies and gentlemen. Located conveniently enough right below your galaxy.
Anna: (Flabbergasted) How has no one ever noticed something this massive before?
Entré: Noticed how long it took for it just to show up? (Blank looks from the group) Heh, but yeah.
(He turns and goes back to his weapon, planting his arms over it and bending slightly, looking at the castle as "The Shinra Corporation" plays)
Entré: The base of operations itself, where the Master and His Embodiments reside. A storehouse containing His will, desires and directives, from which all "life" springs forth. If you want to talk with my boss, you'll have to make your way through most of that. It's a fairly straightforward route, surprisingly, though it's the security you'll have to be worried about. By which I mean all the Embodiments loyal to Him, sworn to defend His juicy secrets with every ounce of their beings. And let me tell ya, they're no pushovers: each one of them are comparable to the Contractor and Financer in terms of power. Getting past them won't be easy. Honestly, even attempting to set foot past the front door is a guaranteed death sentence. (Turns to Jedi) And there you have it. Best of luck.
Anna: What, that's it? You tell us all that and you're gonna jet?
Entré: You got it! But let me light the way for you right quick.
(Waving a hand, a glittering path of starlight extends from the base of the castle to the group's feet)
Entré: There. That'll get you on your way.
Will: So, we just walk right in and find your boss?
Entré: Uh-huh. And deal with a bunch of guardians, but essentially yeah. (Points) The Master's at the very top, as you no doubt surmised. Typical fare for your castle-storming venture. (Pulls weapon out of "ground" and turns back to them)
Entré: You should be excited. You're taking another step toward living your lives to the fullest. Just remember: No Regrets. But I'm sure you'll do fine. Heck, you might even do well enough to necessitate my involvement. And if it comes to that, hehe… (Looks serious) I might have to fight you for real. (Lightens up) But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Best of luck, and hope to meet you again someday soon. Ikaruga, good stuff. Ciao, Jedi.
(With that he waves and walks away, only to be consumed by a swirling darkness different from what's around. Alone again, the Jedi stand silent, looking at the castle and the hardships it undoubtedly holds)
Will: So... we gonna do this?
Jo: You bet, Will.
Cope: Like we have any other choice.
Anna: Let's take it to him.
(The Jedi start for the star path. Sara walks up Squishy, who has been keeping silent the whole time)
Sara: Hey Squish, you haven't said anything back there. Are you holding up okay?
Squishy:...Yeah, kinda. Just that… no Contractor, and everyone else. And…. Sylvia….
Sara: I understand; it's hard for me too, for everybody. (Pats him consolingly) We'll get them back. And we'll get to whoop whatever booty tries to stand in our way.
Squishy:….Okay. I'm definitely for that.
Sara: Glad to hear. Now, let's show them what they messed with.
Squishy: Yeah. Let's.
(Squishy and Sara go to rejoin the others, the former regaining most of his pep. As one tight group, everyone heads for the imposing castle in the distance. Cut to twenty minutes of walking later, where the Jedi finally come in sight of an entrance: A tall double door set into the castle's base, right at the path's end)
Sara: A door.
Will: Finally.
Jo: Keep an eye out; it might be booby-trapped.
(In another minute they reach the set of doors. Thirty foot high each, they are flat and featureless, save for small, beat-up, solitary porcelain doll hung up within arm's reach, bedecked in a black suit and with a freakishly recognizable face of white and red swirls.)
Will: The h***? Is that… Jigsaw?
Squishy: That's… weird, and freaky.
Sara: What's it doing here of all places?
Jo: Probably some lame, sick attempt to scare off outsiders.
Cope: Not that they would need it: I don't see any hints of an opening. Handles, hinges, anything.
Squishy: I guess there has to be a trick to making an opening. Otherwise why would Entré point us here?
Anna: Probably to pop out and go "ha-ha, like I'd actually help you". He certainly has that sleaze feel similar to Financer.
Sara: (Fiddling with the Jigsaw dummy's limbs) Maybe the puppet is the key to opening this.
Anna: Sara get away from that! For all we know it could spew gas or fire lasers at us—
Jigsaw: Hello there, Jedi.
Anna: AAAA Geez H**l!
Jigsaw: It has been an exceptionally long while since we last spoke.
Anna: (Catches her breath) You're alive? Christ don't just come on without warning like that! You almost killed me!
Jigsaw: Then that would have made us even for ruining my focus from before, Anna. (Gives trademark cackle)
Cope: Darn it, I had forgotten about that laugh.
Jigsaw: Hmmm. I see that your ranks are rather diminished since our last encounter, although I see one slightly new face among you. Hello again, Squishy. A pleasure to see you.
Squishy: Hey Jigsaw. It has been a while.
Will: Squish, you met him before?
Jigsaw: Ha, ha, ha. Did you think just the nine of you were the only ones to undergo a life-altering trial? Squishy was the first of your kind to face my challenge, and pass. The lesson you learned that fateful day: have they shaped and continue to shape the outlook by which you live and embrace life?
Squishy: (Sigh) Yes, Jigsaw, very much so.
Jigsaw: That is good to hear. Although, I have noticed the occasional stumble in your commitment these past few years, but that is alright: You are, after all, only sub-human. (Cackles)
Jo: Enough, you literal clown. Why the heck are you here, attached to a mega-castle?
Jigsaw: It's a bit of a long story, as well as a relevant one, so none of you complain about it being pointless, for it involves you… sorta.
Jo: What?
Jigsaw: The reason we first met wasn't because of random fate, or by the inscrutable will of cameos. Nay, in reality, my interaction with you those years ago stemmed from a relationship I had with the organization currently residing in this fortress. There, fate played a role. For the leader, who goes by the title of "Master", long ago decided to sit down and watch the masterpiece thriller "Saw", foolishly expecting a half-decent thriller.
Cope: That's being charitable.
Jigsaw: There is to be no comments during this unveiling of intrigue!
Jo: Let him finish, Alex.
Cope: Fine.
Jigsaw: As I was saying, the Master expected generic entertainment. But the moment he watched that masterful ending, more than mere expectations broke. Upon witnessing a twist ending so unexpected, so powerful, so BRILLIANT, the Master quite literally lost his mind, going completely insane for ten whole minutes, screaming nonsense whilst maintaining a fetal position, spreading his madness to everyone who would lend an ear. Absolutely beautiful. As a result of that unforgettable night, my image and very presence was made into a permanent fixture upon his headquarters. How's that for making an impression?
Jedi: …
Sara: Wow…. That's unbelievable, Jigsaw.
Cope: My impressions for this Master has just lowered a notch, and we haven't even stepped inside.
Jigsaw: Well, the impression I created was short-lived. In time the Master got over the shock and resumed His daily dealings, relegating my fixture status to that of a door handle.
Jo: Wait, so you're—?
Jigsaw: Correct: I am the sole means of entering this domain. Told you what I had to say was relevant.
Cope: (Sarcastically) Swell. That certainly simplifies things for us. So what, more trials?
Jigsaw: No; no trials this time. I'm simply going to let you in, no fuss.
Jedi: !
Will: Did I hear that right?
Squishy: You would just let us through?
Jigsaw: Of course. I am a man of my word.
Anna: Why?
Jo: Yeah, what gives, Mr. Psycho Doll?
Jigsaw: You all have already proven yourselves worthy of life, and now you're fighting for that life, and the lives of not only friends and family, but an entire galaxy of strangers. Such determination in the face of truly unimaginable odds more than exceeds any expectations I could ever set.
Cope: (Smug) Yeah, we rock.
Jigsaw: As you are actively seeking to restore a brighter future for others as well as yourselves, there is no need for me to bar your path. However, the trials ahead will be more daunting then anything I can conceive. But I have faith that your strength, courage, and above all else, will to live will carry you far. It's certainly delivered you from my games.
Jo: Wow… That's very encouraging. Thank you, Jigsaw.
Sara: Yes, thank you.
Will:...I'm still peeved about losing my rig. But, I guess thanks for the vote of confidence.
Jigsaw: I appreciate that, William. And Squishy. (Squishy looks at him) What you seek is clearest of all. Do not forget them, and they may surely be yours again, as you had been to them. Remember that.
Squishy: (Looks down briefly, then) Thanks, Jigsaw. (The doll nods)
Jigsaw: So… This will be my last sign off. Good luck to all of you, and... Let the Final Games Begin.
(Suddenly light shoots out from his forehead and splits his face, while a line of light goes up and down the door creating a crease in the middle. When the light vanishes the doll head splits in half and the body falls to the ground, making a wooden clunk. With the doll freed, the great doors part inwards with a massive groan, revealing the blinding light within, which all the Jedi face without flinching)
Cope: This is it then?
Jo: It sure is. Come on.
(The Jedi walk into the doorway and whatever lies beyond, as they are engulfed by brilliant white light)
The Jedi have entered…
How far can they reach?
(The Jedi stroll along a wide, round corridor, slightly darkened and looking grayer than the exterior. The end of the hall opens out into a high-ceiling, massive round room, better lit than the hall and with levels upon pillar-lined levels encompassing it, giving it the look of some sterile arena. As they start crossing the great expanse of polished featureless flooring they note the total silence)
Sara: Even in here it's big… But so dead.
Jo: It is too quiet.
Squishy: Maybe nobody's here.
Will: Hello!
Anna: Will shut up! Do you want to bring on the horde this early?!
Will: I'm not seeing a horde. This place is straight empty.
Squishy: It could be that we got here quicker than they had anticipated?
Anna: In that case, that's more reason to hurry along instead of shouting needlessly.
(Far above on one of the upper levels, a shadow walks out from behind a pillar. Going to the edge, it looks upon the Jedi as they near the center, and raises an arm holding a fatal object)
State yer purpose.
(The Jedi turn upon hearing the hard, mellow voice)
Anna: Well so much for that.
State yer Godd**n purpose! Talk, or face judgment.
Will: Yeah? What is it that you're going to do to us if we don't comply?
Cope: Will!
Will: (Whisper) I'm trying to draw him out; show us what we're dealing with.
Cope: Don't be a fo—
Will: (Out loud) What sort of judgment are we talking here?
(There is a pap, and close to where Squishy is standing there is a neat smoking hole the size of a penny. Noticing this, Squishy jumps back in fright)
That's a preview. Now—
Will: That was it? That came nowhere near me! Hard to be intimidated by someone whose aim isn't w—
(Rapid pistol shots fill the air as bullets start pocking up little holes around the Jedi. Totally caught off guard, they stumble and turn and scramble before Jo and Cope pull out their lightsabers to deflect the shots. But after assuming defensive stances, they notice that none of the bullets are actually aimed at them, just the surrounding ground. When the rapid fire stops abruptly, what we're left with is a giant capital "A" set into the floor, stenciled with numerous smoking holes)
D**n mouthy trespassers.
(There is a whoosh, and up in the air the group spots a figure flipping downward into a crouch landing ten feet from them. The person stands straight up, looking back at the heroes)
?: Well, lookit that: Jedi.
(The man turns to face them, his massive brown trench coat barely shifting. A good 6'2", the man looks like a modern day cowboy/drifter: Broad shoulders, a square skin, no facial hair, and firm tight lips. Apart from the trench coat he's got a white military-issue shirt, black faded jeans, leather belt, thick sunglasses, and a cowboy hat with one side folded up. A toothpick hangs out the corner of his mouth, complementing the Texan accent that spoke from it)
Man: Quite the special trespassers to come bargin' into my den. (He takes out and twiddles his toothpick with his left hand)
Will: I take it you're security.
Man: Boy. (Flicks toothpick and whips out a fearsome revolver to aim at Will's face) I'm not just security! I am a core member of this organization and you will address me as such. I take no s**t from some hairy punk turd like you, or any of you! (He waves the gun before twirling it and holding it in an upward position) Disrespectful lot you are, just as I reckoned.
Jo: A member? So that makes you an Embodiment.
Sara: Our first one already. And what a temper.
Anna: Figures...
Man: And here we have it: the signature Jedi B***h-and-Moan Approach to conversatin'. Claim to be upstandin' heroes of the universe, but whine like spoiled teenagers over the littlest inconvenience. It's sickenin'; yer hardly worth spittin' on, but cuz you come waltzin' into my territory I have to deal with ya pampered wusses.
Jo: Where do you get off calling us wusses when we've never seen you do jack s**t? For all we know, you just sit here jerking off while Contractor does all the work.
Man: Hah! Don't git me started on that privileged a**-wipe Contractor. That wimp always makes excuses to keep from dirtying his dainty hands. Unlike me. (Takes dramatic western stance) I represent all that is Hard Work; the model of loyalty to one's nation of beliefs. With my expert aim I erase those who stand against my values. The Embodiment of Pride and Patriotism…
Activist is my name. And don't you forget it.
Jedi: …..
Activist: …
Cope: Activist?
Activist: Yes; I didn't stutter.
Will: Uhhh, wouldn't something like Lobbyist be more in line with your whole deal?
Activist: Activism covers a wide range of things besides what some Green Peace hippies get up to. Besides, the name was given to me by the Master, and even if it were possible to change my name, to do so would be a slap to His face. Furthermore, I take pride in being active in defendin' my home; to never fall back on weaknesses as a means to slip by in life, to have things easier. I'm not afraid of breakin' a sweat, or spillin' some blood. It's all proof that I can face the pains and hardships of the world and still stride by with my head held high; that I'm willing to overtake any obstacle and come out stronger. That there is the true will of survival. That there is real Activism, and no one can tell me different.
Jo: That… That was beautiful. (Blubbering)
Activist: And right now, my heart is set on giving you worthless types a hard lesson on life.
Sara: Why do you call us worthless? What did we do?
Activist: Heh, what didn't you do. You and all of the Contractor's pet project are straight baby fodder. Anime and video game s**t, fantastical adventures, love and friendship winnin' the day. Yer way of life is so disconnected from actual reality that I'm surprised you haven't curled up into tight crybaby balls over how our "air" is mustier than yours. Yer existences are a fanciful stage production that's gone on long after the last audience member who gave a s*** ducked out. But with yer universe being erased, it's high time the rest of the organization wakes up and knuckles down on doing some real work for a change, instead of playin' custodian for yer sappy playtime. Yet lo and behold, the worst offenders have decided to break in. And right when I was feeling good about things for a change.
Will: Well prepare to feel even worse because we're getting back that universe.
Activist: Pardon?
Anna: You heard him. We were just on our way to tell your boss to bring back everybody. That, or beat them out of him.
Activist: Is that right? Heh. I thought it mighty strange that yer still existing, come to think of it. Also thought it queer how yer lizard friends weren't wit you. But to that I say good riddance. Them freaks were eyesores.
Squishy:!
Sara: You take that back; Sylvia and the kids are our friends!
Cope: And we'll break every Real Man bone in your body if you speak ill of them further.
Squishy: Alex…
Jo: Come on, Squishy. You're not gonna take that horse crap are ya?
Squishy: N-No way! (Whips out lightsaber) Talk that way about my family and you die, a**hole!
Will: That's the spirit.
Sara: Yea-heh, Squishy!
Activist: So, you wanna resurrect that s**t-stain of a reality, and you intend to do that by beating it out of our Master? (Shakes head) Gumption, desperation, or plain ignorance. Whatever yer reasonin', I'm afraid I'm gonna have to make you check them aspirations at the door. (Draws gun and points at them) With a bullet to yer brains.
(The Jedi draw their lightsabers)
Activist: Hrff, you believe you can walk on through here like one of yer "incidents"? You just entered the home of the Compendium, my friends. This is more Hell for you than whatever yer dope-addled existence could ever show. You were unlucky enough to face the hardest mother-f**ker first, that being me. Ah yeh, you'll wish you gone quietly like the others the moment I start raining high velocity metal purity into you, my bullets skull-f**kin' every one of you. As this organization's sole gunman extraordinaire, I guarantee you won't leave with a scratch or a wound but with your entire appendages blown neatly off. A true man's way to solve an argument; none of that flashy lightsaber bull-s**t. Death is as good as yours, hombrés. (Cocks his gun)
Anna: D**n…. We're screwed if he isn't just blowing on his horn.
Squishy: He isn't. That lethal edge in his voice is similar to the Financer's.
Anna: Then double d***.
Will: Hey, that's a pretty nice lookin' gun you have there. What kind of piece is that?
Activist: My side arm catch yer fancy? I suppose every convict has a right to know their executioner. This here is a Colt .357 Python. A good blend of sleekness and power. I'm more of a revolver man, and this is one of my favorites.
Will: I hadn't noticed it earlier but now that I can see it, I have to say that's some fine craftsmanship. Is it store bought by chance?
Activist: Store bought? From where? I conjure all my guns. Nothing to it.
Will: Is that right? I gotta say you are certainly good at making them.
Activist: Of course, but thank you. And allow me to say that for a messy-looking upstart, you have an eye for quality.
Will: It's a bit of a hobby of mine. Gun collecting, gun shooting, I mean.
Activist: Is that right?
Will: Yeah, but mostly on weekends. Anyways, any customs on that thing?
Activist: Customs? Uh, well, let me think. Ummm… I don't think there are any,
Will: What finish is that: Royal Blue or Bright Nickel?
Activist: Eh, it looks nickely—
Will: Hey, if you're able to conjure those guns, then were you able to fix the alignment issues that causes the propellant to fly out?
Activist: The what?
Will: I respect you kicking it old school, but I prefer new age gear myself, like my old stand-by here. (He nonchalantly pulls an assault rifle from out of his clothes)
Will: Good ol' M4 Carbine. I'm really more into automatics, probably because of my time in the military, even though we had blaster rifles. What I like about this baby is its versatility: The wide range of options to pick from. For starters, there's the switch that changes firing between three different modes, but of course you already know that, cuz it's the M4A1 model.
Activist: Uhhhh...
Will: Yeah, it allows me to pick off targets from a distance or go in and tear up the place. Though really I prefer pinpoint sniping cuz it saves me the hassle.
Sara: He practices sniping at home occasionally. He's gotten really good with lead slingers.
Will: Now normally this gun isn't good for long range, so I modified it to have a detachable barrel extension that can be placed on and off on the fly, much like its brother the M16.
Activist: ….You don't say….
Will: But if I do get into close quarters then I can really rip it up, and I wouldn't have to worry about overheat getting in the way thanks to the thickened hand guard. (Pats it)
Activist: Uh-hunh….
Will: And of course there's the bevvy of stuff you can place on this thing. Scopes, laser pointers, suppressors for stealth, stocks, grenade launchers, even flame throwers.
Activist: Really?
Will: I also modified the magazine to hold sixty rounds instead of thirty. In all, one very fine piece of tech. American made, by the same company as your Python.
Activist: It is?
Will: Yeah. I thought you knew that.
Activist: Er, um, well,
Will: Wait wait wait. You don't know about Colt rifles?
Activist: Well, like I said, I'm more into the revolver hand gun variety. (Sounding nervous) Besides, all those fancy attachments you were listing off, made it sound Chinese or something.
Will: ….You didn't think this was an American rifle?
Activist: Doh, no, it's just, uh, now that I see it clearly it has that… ruggedness to it. Yeah, all-American ruggedness.
Will: You had no clue what I was even talking about.
Activist: Um um um um um….. T-tarnation…. (Looking cornered)
Squishy: He's looking the same way I do whenever Will rattles off gun trivia to me.
Activist: What?! (Freaking out)
Sara: So… he's not a gun expert after all?
Cope: No. Just a gun fan.
Anna: A very narrow one at that. To think, Will knows more about guns then the "gunman extraordinaire".
Jo: Wow that's embarrassing. But good for you Will: you got him to shut up.
Squishy: Way to go, Will!
(While all this talking is going on, the Activist just stands there shaking with humiliation and rage, hunching over and gritting his teeth, until)
Activist: SHUT YER D*** TRAAAAAAPS!
(Silence. The Activist takes off his sunglasses and rubs his eyes. Putting his shades back on, he looks at them)
Activist: Okay ya got me: I hardly know s**t about the ins and outs of guns. But, while I am no expert on gun details, (Brings gun hand to left shoulder) I am an expert on using them, (Close-up) To the Fullest.
(Immediately he brings his arm down diagonally and to the back, kicking up a wind that blows back the lower parts of his trench coat. The inner lining exposed, we see that every inch of the fabric is lined with dozens upon dozens of firearms, real and fictional. While the Jedi gape, Activist brings his left hand into the vast weapons cache and pulls out a Winchester rifle. As the trench coat lowers back down, he twirls the rifle to cock it, snapping the Jedi from their daze)
Activist: You dig?
Will: That went from zero to severe in a hurry.
Activist: Yer darn tootin'. Seein' how y'all had enough fun at my expense, it's my time to get the last laugh. (Points weapons) With your blown-apart carcasses being the punchline.
Anna: (In her best Clint Eastwood impression) Doesn't sound too funny a joke to me. Maybe you should provide a set-up first… (Holsters saber) Blondie.
(The other Jedi do the same, funnily)
Activist: Gotten into the spirit, huh? Fine by me. (Holsters weapons) So, on your marks...
(He holsters his own weapons, beginning a tense, silent stand-off, six sets of eyes staring down a single shaded pair as a whistling gust passes the arena. Eventually, the opening notes of "Monkey Blue Face-Off!" blare in, and when they silence)
Activist: Draw!
(Raises his revolver and fires a shot into the crowd as the music starts properly, then he snaps his rifle onto his raised arm, takes aim and fires again, but the Jedi have already dodged and dispersed. As he reloads the rifle with a twirl he shoots his Python at a fleeing Sara, but only manages two shots, for Copeland and Jo have reached him with lightsabers raised. Quickly Activist swings his rifle up like a sword to both ward and attempt to shoot, but it gets sliced in two by Cope. Ducking and bending he avoids separate attacks, and reaching into his arsenal coat he pulls out a SOCOM pistol to help his Python in driving away his attackers, and as Will and Squishy come to aid them Activist leaps headfirst through the air, dispersing fire as he clears floor space before landing far away from them. With his landing two parallel lines of Old Western-style buildings pop out from the arena floor, creating a prop street with the Embodiment at one end. Activist rises and faces the group, now holding a stalk of wheat in the corner of his mouth)
Activist: Some set dressin' for this carnage carnival. (He reaches into his waist and pulls out two silver Colt Single Action Army revolvers) Yee-Haw!
(He starts shooting rapidly, making the Jedi run around before the hail of bullets. Will ducks into an alley, and the others do the same in other vacant ones, some of them diving for cover)
Activist: Come on! Fight me like big boys and girls yeh yeller-bellies!
(He twirls the pistols quickly in both his hands, then lets loose bullets onto buildings and ground, which then ricochet into the alleys the Jedi are holed up in. While Will stays still and calm, people like Squishy and Anna and Cope find bullets whizzing close to their faces, and run from their hiding places out into the open. The Activist takes a moment to grin at their flight)
Activist: Cowards, all of ya; just like the Contractor. That wimp could never be a real man. Was only good at producin' littler cowards in his image.
(Squishy and Anna find themselves with Will in one of the alleys)
Squishy: He's really good!
Anna: We got that much! What do we do?
Will: Those pistols of his have us pinned down—
Anna: We know!
Will: Listen, you two need to run across, draw his fire.
Squishy: Huh? Why?!
Will: Just trust me! (Raises his assault rifle)
Anna: D***it. Well, it better be good. C'mon "yeller-belly".
(She pats Squishy's shoulder, and the two get up and make a run for it)
Activist: Heh, kind of you to pop up!
(He resumes firing his pistols, following the two Jedi with them. Meanwhile, Will looks out from the alley with his gun, takes aim, and pops off two shots, each one knocking a revolver out of Activist's hands. Unarmed, Activist looks in Will's direction)
Activist: Oh, you shouldn'ta done that.
(He breaks into a run to the right. As Will gets a bead on him, Activist leaps up onto the building closest to him and scrambles onto the roof, out of sight. Having lost him, Will pulls back into the alley and sits, looking around him. Then from above Activist drops in, with a trench gun pointed down at Will. He fires, and Will is able to throw himself from the alley just as the spot he occupied erupts with debris. Activist lands in a crouch, stands and turns toward the fleeing Will, just as his left arm brings up a three-barreled shotgun and shoots, missing Will but messing up the fronts of the nearby buildings. Throwing down the trench gun, Activist strolls out into the empty street, casually searching for Jedi)
Activist: Hidin' won't help ya, y'know. You really ought to consider coming out and taking it like men, or women. If you do it right now, I promise it'll be quick.
(As he talks, we turn to Squishy huddled within one of the houses. Suddenly there is a boom and the wall next to Squishy explodes in a cloud of splintery dust. Looking out, he sees Activist looking dead at him, an alfalfa straw in his mouth and his right hand limply holding a smoking Hand Cannon)
Activist: Heh. (Pops his dislocated shoulder back in with a shrug) Found the scrawny one.
(He straightens the arm and gun right at Squishy, but then a lightsaber blade cuts the long barrel in half, and Activist turns in time to see Anna making a horizontal strike, which he stops by stopping her hand with his tri-barrel shotty)
Activist: And the head b***h as well.
Anna: That's Miss B***h to you, Sundance!
(The two spar, Anna swinging her saber and Activist repelling it using his fists against her hands and wrists. Twisting their arms all around Activist fires his tri-shotty but Anna narrowly side ducks from it, then quickly brings up her saber to cut it in half. Backing off, Activist dodges more of Anna's slashes, then rearms himself by whipping out a VZ61 machine pistol from his trench coat and fires. Anna leaps back and flees as Activist keeps firing, but Will has come out into the open and hustles over, rifle aimed and firing controlled bursts. Activist looks over to him and strafe jumps from the fire)
Activist: Little snake!
(He pulls out another Škorpion, holds them both up, grins, then straps them to the sides of his cowboy boots before commencing back-flippage. As he flips away the guns fire, creating a cartwheeling field of danger for anyone who gets close. Soon he reaches the other end of the "town" and lands, dropping his foot pistols. The other Jedi have come out to rejoin Will, and together they move to intercept Activist)
Activist: You think you got the hang of this already? Peh; let's crank the heat up.
(He reaches into his trench coat with both hands and pulls out a large guitar case, twirling it before stretching out a leg to prop himself up as he plants the case atop his shoulder. A rocket fires from the case right at the Jedi, who side leap to allow the projectile to pass and impact a building, its detonation collapsing the front. Straightening up and twirling the guitar case some more, the Embodiment looks down the Jedi, now with a metal crucifix sticking from his mouth)
Activist: Vaya con dios, turds.
(Activist drops his case and gives it a kick, sending it arcing through the air while the Jedi pick themselves up. He chases it, just as Will begins firing at the incoming Embodiment. At this point the case hits the ground and opens, right as Activist leaps through the air to avoid Will's bullets. From the case two automatic pistols fly out, which Activist snatches during his leap and proceeds to shoot lines of bullets to either side at the passing Jedi. Having harried them some more, Activist dive rolls right at the other end of the "town" and is joined by the sliding open guitar case. Getting up he looks at the Jedi, holding up both his pistols)
Activist: Still too slow.
(Bringing his pistols forward he fires off at the standing Jedi, but the likes of Jo and Cope and Anna deflect every one of them)
Activist: Hunh. Maybe not.
(Kicking the case again, two round balls with metallic stalks pop out and bounce along away from him, and then he runs forward firing his pistols some more at the deflecting Jedi. He makes a jump and crouch lands before the two ball things which have come to a stop, slamming the stock of his two guns into the metal stalks to replenish his ammo. Just then Will takes the opportunity to return fire, forcing Activist to retreat into a building. From the street the Jedi watch Activist leap across rooftops and even the street, before swiftly dropping into the spot beside Will. Will barely turns to face him before Activist backhands him ferociously, sending him flying then sliding nearly as far as the guitar case)
Activist: No more of that, Willy-Boy.
(He bares his pistols once more and fires, again meeting the same result of deflection. However, breaking into a run he drops and slides, stopping across from Squishy and bringing his guns level at him. The two share looks of shock and triumph before Activist fires, which Squishy tries to ward off, but the sheer amount forces Squishy backwards and right through a building wall. Having a laugh, Activist stops in time to roll from a lightsaber strike from Copeland. Right back on his feet he points a gun at the Jedi and fires to scare him off, then grabs the descending arms of Jo's attack, flips around and kicks him in the back. Anna runs in yelling but Activist grabs the upper part of her neck, lifts her and throws her at the others, knocking them down like pins)
Activist: I don't usually treat a lady that way, but I'm all for Gender Equality. Plus, you ain't no lady, hyeheh.
(In the distance, Will has gotten up from his tumble, and seeing the unfolding situation he fiddles in his robes for something, pulls it out and starts putting it on his gun. Activist spots him)
Activist: Up again? Dang idjit; play dead for real!
(Activist stomps toward him. Will finishes attaching the thing to his gun and aims at Activist. Activist spots the device and stops with raised brows, just as a grenade is fired from it and lands at his feet. The explosion launches Activist through the upper half of a saloon)
Will: Maybe you should play dead for awhile. (The others recover)
Jo: Nice one, Will!
Sara: Did that get him?
Will: Not likely. C'mon, get over here.
(He nods towards the guitar case and heads over there, the others following. Squishy steps out of the buildings he went into, dazed, and stumbles over with the others. Huddled around the case, they look at its contents)
Sara: Wow, even more guns!
Will: Arm up everyone. I can't keep shooting for the rest of y'all.
Cope: Dibs on the AK!
Jo: P-90 come to poppa.
Sara: It was a good thing you had that gun of yours from the start, Will.
Jo: Why did you have that, anyway?
Will: Eh, just thought I'd carry it with me for the day.
Anna: To a weekly safety report meeting?
Will: I didn't think anything was going to happen; was gonna stop by the firing range. Not the first time I brought a rifle along without you knowing.
Squishy: What should I go with?
Will: How bout this, Squish? (Hands him a dinky pistol)
Squishy: A Luger? What the heck—
(Before he can continue, a bang draws their attention toward the saloon, whose shutter doors have been kicked open. Striding out comes Activist with a thin lollipop in his mouth, moving tall and purposefully, holding a pair of gleaming nickel-plated Desert Eagles)
Cope: That grenade didn't even singe his clothes.
Jo: Uh-huh, figures.
Will: Deal with it, Squish.
(Hands Luger, which Squishy fumbles in taking)
Activist: I don't recall giving any of y'all permissin' to be touchin' my stuff. (Reaches the street center and faces them) But, I suppose it is fair. It'll make dealing with you slightly more of a challenge. (Cocks his guns) Ready to dance with the devil again, gatos?
Will: Go, Go!
(The guys spread out, firing their weapons at Activist. He stands there as bullet holes erupt around him, then begins firing back and moving to the side. As the bullets whizz by and everyone heads elsewhere, Anna stops and pats herself down)
Anna: Crap! I forgot to grab something!
Sara: Anna, find cover! (She fires off her M1 Garand) Ooh, punchy. (Shoots some more)
Anna: You serious? I'm not bugging out from th—(Activist's shots reach her) Wah, jeez!
Activist: Caught with your fly down, Missy. Haha!
(Continues firing as Anna dives for cover behind the guitar case)
Activist: Ha! Like that'd do you any good.
(He aims at the case, but Jo interrupts him with some P-90 fire, joined by Cope's AK-47 fire)
Activist: Oh what the?
(Bringing up both guns he fires at the two, the bullets hitting and knocking their respective guns away)
Activist: Dang it, I was in the middle of somethin'.
(He rushes over to where Jo ducked away. Just then, Squishy comes out and starts shooting his Luger, catching the Embodiment's attention before he leaps away from the fire)
Activist: Yer kiddin' me, Scrawny?
(He chuckles before waltzing over to Squishy. Squishy keeps shooting but Activist holds his course, ducking slightly whenever a shot gets close. After some seconds the Luger clicks empty)
Squishy: Ah crap.
(Activist is right on him, and as Squishy reaches for his lightsaber Activist delivers a kick that Squishy tries to block with an arm, but the force of it knocks him up into the air and onto the roof of a building)
Activist: Yer the biggest disappointment of all. Pride and joy my leathery a**; how bout a worthless football?
(Sara fires her Garand, but Activist reacts by baring his guns and deflecting the bullets with their sidings)
Sara: He's not worthless! Or a football!
Activist: And having a woman stand up for ya, of course. Just pitiful.
(He resumes firing. Meanwhile, getting up from her cover, Anna looks into and reaches around the inside of the guitar case, pulling out a nifty electric guitar)
Anna: What the… well, it is a guitar case.
(Activist spots her and aims)
Activist: Git away from there!
(He shoots the case, and as Anna tumbles away she twangs a string and a burst of bullets erupts from the guitar head toward Activist, who narrowly jumps from the surprise attack. Recovered, Anna looks at her smokin' ax and smiles)
Anna: Yeaaaah, hehehehe.
(Looking rather evil, she levels the guitar and strums it like crazy, giving off sputtering bursts of bullets in a sweeping direction. Activist runs and dives into a side alley)
Anna: Who's the coward now, Rhinestone?
Activist: Don't go associatin' me with yer type. I retreat outta strategy, not fear!
(In his cover he empties his magazines and replaces them with orange-tipped rounds)
Anna: Tough talk given your current location, Buckwheat. C'mon out and face the music!
Activist: Heh, try this drum roll on fer size, Miss B***h.
(Getting up he steps out and fires, the bullet landing and creating a large explosion close behind Anna)
Anna: (Slightly shaken) Ya missed!
(Steeling herself she fires her guitar gun. Activist side rolls whilst firing more explosive rounds, which force Anna to retreat to the side. Meanwhile Will pops out and fires, but Activist promptly fires a shot that blows a chunk out of the building and onto Will)
Sara: Will!
(She readies to fire but is met with a blast that throws her back from the alley entrance. Anna pops out and faces Activist once more)
Anna: Guess what I found!
(Cocking the guitar neck she fires a single large shot, which Activist immediately leaps from. While mid-flight he shoots at the ground Anna is standing on, and likewise she too heads for cover. Soon the two of them have their backs pressed to the wall of the buildings they're hiding behind, a good distance from each other)
Activist: Just the two of us now, woman. Ready to die yet?
Anna: Shut up and let's do it, pard!
(Simultaneously they leave cover: Anna running out and Activist making a dramatic side leap. As they go further into the street with guns blazing they achieve John Woo perfection: Everything slows down, explosions are everywhere, the intensity in the two opponents faces are further intensified with close-ups that show both grit and malicious satisfaction. The scene is further complemented with a flock of doves. A bird is hit and explodes into a cloud of feathers, and right after a ball of white feces falls and splatters all over Activist's hat and face. Immediately the John Woo experience is over as things speed back up and Activist tumbles from the sudden defecatory surprise attack. Groaning and cursing he quickly gets up, desperately trying to wipe the filth off him. While he's preoccupied there is a yell from above)
Squishy: YA-HA!
(Somehow Squishy got himself ahold of a machine gun, which he fires off into the air as he comes down on Activist. Soon he reaches him and plants both feet on his head, and applying force he pushes off and sends Activist reeling back somewhat dazed)
Activist: Why ya little—
(Right then he spots Will racing towards him yelling with lightsaber drawn)
Activist: Sonuva—!
(He immediately brings up his guns to defend himself, but Will quickly makes short work of them with his saber. Activist tries to grab Will's neck, but the Jedi gunman deftly ducks to the side, raises the arm holding his gun, and unloads a round into Activist's arm. Giving a slight yell, Activist brings up a foot and kicks off Will, so that he can fly a bit and slide ungracefully backwards from him. Getting up he lifts his shot arm and moves the fingers of its hand, somewhat pained)
Activist: That actually stung a little!
Will: (Surprised) Not even a mark?
Jo: Come on people let's go!
(The Jedi come out)
Activist: I'm starting to get sick of you pansies breaking my guns.
(The Jedi have regrouped and start closing in. Immediately Activist pulls out a magnum similar yet slightly larger than the one he started out with. Aiming it, there are three clicks as the gun lights up and radiates with growing energy with each click)
Activist: Blood Shot.
(He fires off a massive pulsating energy ball which the Jedi fall to the ground to avoid. It passes overhead, dislodges some bits and shingles from passing houses, then explodes at the far end, taking three houses with it. Activist smiles once more)
Activist: Wasn't expecting that one, huh? (The Jedi start getting up) This is my field, ya understand? Ain't none of you has a chance.
Cope: It isn't over, either!
(The Jedi resume their convergence. At that Activist drops his gun, reaches back and pulls out two Uzis with cords attached to them. He fires them and the Jedi side step without slowing their run, then he throws them away and starts spinning. Due to the cords the Uzis spin with him, making a whirlwind of danger that everyone must duck from or get whacked, as is the case with Anna. Jo and Will slash and cut the cables holding the Uzi, sending them flying away. Immediately Activist slides past them as though on invisible skates. Spinning around to face the Jedi Activist stops and draws two demonic-looking pistols of pulsing darkness. With the gun in his right hand he fires off a string of singular spark shots into the group, and from the left gun spheres of compressed air shoot forth, and upon impact there is a sizable concussive blast, which manages to ruin a few buildings' fronts. Through the explosions Will once more charges up the middle and pops out a few more rounds from his rifle, again knocking away Activist's guns)
Activist: God-Dernit not again, Will!
(Very dramatically he raises and sticks out his right hand which is shaped to look like a gun, and pulling it back and up a bang is let out and a nick on Will's left shoulder blows off. Though just a tiny bit, it's enough to bring Will to his knee)
Sara: Will!
Will: It's only a scratch!
(Wasting no time, Activist back flips all the way to the other end of the prop town and hurriedly pulls out an antique steampunk-looking gun with an elongated loading slot. With his other hand he reaches for his belt and withdraws a shell labeled "13" in black font and slaps it into the gun. Gripping it in both hands he holds down the trigger, making the gun whir and spin, giving off a purple glow from its creases as it charges. Activist sneers and gives a low chuckle right before the gun fires a black shot that traverses the street and passes the Jedi before exploding into a black swirling dome of dark energy. The dome is actually a miniature black hole, and suddenly the Jedi find themselves being pulled in along with the buildings closest to it. Despite their best efforts they get dragged along and are eventually drawn into the air as debris blows past and gets swallowed by the void. Rather than follow suit, the Jedi enter an orbit around the singularity, some losing hold of their guns and watching them get devoured by the consuming mass. Then, as if teleporting into place, the Activist appears right in front of black hole with only his trench coat billowing by the swirling air gusts, armed with a tommy gun and a candy cane in his smiling mouth)
Activist: Merry Christmas ya filthy animals!
(Bracing himself, he fires the tommy gun in a spread up at the orbiting Jedi. The Jedi twist and kick awkwardly to avoid getting hit, and the few with guns try their darnedest to shoot back, only to lose their grips as well. As Activist laughs it up, the Jedi resort to using either lightsaber or Force power to keep the bullets away, which is made more distressing as their orbits increase speed. After a bit, Activist quits firing and raises his smoking weapon with a satisfied look, then phases out along with his black hole. With it gone the Jedi fall and hit the ground in different places quite messily. All alone, Will winces in getting up, still holding his rifle of all things, when his face meets a slick black polished pistol pointed down at him, a "XIII" engraved on the onyx plating. At the other end, the Activist looks down at him through his shades with a victorious smile)
Activist: You were an excellent gunman, Will, but now you need to be put down. Any last words?
(He cocks the gun, and Will looks over to his far right to see a somewhat disoriented Squishy. He then makes a decision)
Will: Squishy!
(Immediately he throws out and slides his gun over the floor in Squishy's direction.)
Activist: What?
(By now the gun reaches Squishy's feet and the Jawa hastily picks it up, and looking up and down twice he begins firing at Activist, jerking back from the recoil)
Activist: Oh no you don't!
(He swivels around and strides toward Squishy with gun raised. Three shots, and on the final the bullet hits the bottom of the M4's center and splits the gun in two, broken metal flying everywhere as Squishy falls onto his butt)
Activist: Ha!
(But his celebration is cut short when he notices something and looks back to see Will charging with his saber ready. The distance is so small that Activist can't raise his gun before Will delivers a massive stab through his chest. For some seconds the two stand there, the Activist's head down and Will breathing from the effort of the thrust. But a chuckle emits from Activist as he raises his head, grinning before everyone's disbelief, especially Will's)
Activist: I forgot to mention sumthin' crucial….. You can't kill me.
(Raising his left arm he delivers a punishing backhand to Will's face with enough force to send both him and his lightsaber flying back fifty yards. The Jedi group up around the battered Will just as Activist pulls out two 9mm Berettas)
Activist: None of you, ain't one of you can do me in!
(He starts firing consecutive shots at the Jedi, not really aiming, as his angry yelling intensifies)
Activist: You can shoot me! You can stab me! You can set me ablaze with snake oil! I'll never let you through! You ain't got the grit, the BALLS to even come close to shaking me!
(As he's raving, there is a weird machine sound and little blue laser rings drop from above and around Activist, shrinking him steadily and making him and his guns quieter)
Activist: Do your worst or your best, it doesn't matter! Annoy me persistently until the end of time, but I will never, NEVER… hey, what the h**l's going on? Why the f**k am I getting smaller...
(He becomes so tiny that his words are indecipherable, but even at one centimeter tall he doesn't stop yelling. As he keeps squeakily fuming, a set of feet stop before him, making him shut up as he looks up at the beaming face of a pleased Sara)
Sara: See ya around, cowboy.
(She raises a foot and brings it down on Activist. Sara gives a twist for good measure, and satisfied she nods and turns back to the group)
Jo: Well done, Sara.
Anna: Thanks for shutting him up, girlfriend.
Cope: My thanks as well.
Squishy: Lucky for us he got shrunk. Don't know why that happened, but I'm not complaining.
Sara: I'm grateful for that as well. Hmph, guess he wasn't as unkillable as he claimed.
(A shadow arises behind Sara, getting taller and wider. The black mass takes shape and becomes a towering skinny figure with pointed shoulder tips, and it forms the features of a black coat and hat. Sara feels a chill, and slowly turns around only to look right up at the looming face of the Activist, who now has the eerie and frightening countenance of a vampire)
Activist:….What did I tell you, lil' missy?
(He draws his two arms from within the coat and stretches them out to his sides, each hand twirling a purple-esque gun that look oddly like ripoff Needlers, and brings them across his chest, glaring ominously through his shades)
Activist: Enough playing.
(He vanishes with "Tension Rising". He reappears behind Jo and back swings his head before vanishing again, reappearing some distance away at the front, only this time time firing his weapons, their crystal bullets looking and sounding quite Needler-ish. The Jedi side leap to avoid the shots, yet Activist appears right behind their landing zone and fires his exotic guns right at the ground. Rolling away barely in time, the rapid needle streams hit ground and bounce off at a forty-five degree angle and go past them. Activist teleports once more behind a fleeing Will, looking grave as he fires two streams of needles at him. Will trips up and falls hard to avoid the needles, but as they continue speeding through the air Activist appears in the center of the room and shoots all around, remaining in place as he swings and contorts his body and arms to fire in many directions at different heights with rapidity. The needles of death fly all over and ricochet off the many pillars and walls and right at the Jedi, who either dodge or deflect the shots, but deflecting them only sends them off to ricochet back once more. Activist quits his firing display and jumps up into a flip before disappearing, only to reappear a few feet above where he was, "standing" upside-down in thin air. Bringing his arms up [or in this case down], he fires off more streams of pink death down at the hapless Jedi. Then in an instant he relocates to the side of one of the lowest pillars, and standing sideways he shoots at the Jedi. It's utter mayhem as the Jedi try to survive the barrage, deflecting, dodging, attempting to swipe at Activist whenever he appears close by only to miss. All the while, Activist taunts as he fires from all his gravity defying locations or casually strolling in mid-air, guns a-twirl)
Activist: I bet you though you could come in here and do me in lickety-split. That bein' the first "boss" I'd go down easily, like this is some kind of video game. That's what makes you so worthless: for your entire existences you expect things to follow certain rules. But real life ain't predictable like that. Every wakin' moment you have to think on your feet, adjust accordingly, knowin' that one false step or moment of hesitation will end you! Besides, everything you faced before were merely figments; utterly lacking. We on the other hand have substance. True significance; association with what is actually real! Like the satisfaction I'm feelin' at whittlin' you down when yer little siege has barely begun. It's frickin' amazin'!
(Now he resorts to a new tact: Sticking his arms through little portals, which then pop up in random locations firing off more needles and further harrying the Jedi. Activist is having the time of his life as he spins and shoots and teleports, creating havoc. Then he appears high above the center of the room)
Activist: How bout some bullet hell for ya?
(He aims down and fires off an insane stream of needles down into an artful but deadly shower, which he spreads by lifting and lowering his arms and using his teleport trick to fire bullets from lower spots. Our heroes find gaps amid the death curtains, but even then they still have to do what they can to ward off the needles. Eventually Activist ducks into a portal and rides the stream of bullets down around the Jedi, popping from one stream to another to fire more direct shots or to kick and smack around unsuspecting targets. He returns up top and brings his arms together, charges, then fires off massive silver needles down at the ground which bounce around at wacky angles. One goes straight down on Sara who lifts up her saber in defense, and three of the taller Jedi rush over to aid her in deflecting the over-sized needle back up at Activist. The Embodiment merely shifts to one side to avoid the rebound, then disappears and reappears on the ground to twirl his guns for show)
Anna: What is with this guy?
Squishy: It's like Xigbar…
Anna: What?
Squishy: He's using Xigbar's fighting style, only he's way more aggressive. And he won't let us near him.
Cope: An unfortunate instance of the boss being smart about the way they fight.
(Activist continues to fire his wild flashy needle shots, and some of the Jedi are showing the strain of trying to keep up with the endless barrage)
Will: Don't know… how much more… (Keeps deflecting as best as he can)
Activist: Hyeah, lookit you! Run out of all that gumption, huh? Guess that means it's time to end this.
(All the needles vanish, but the peace is short-lived as Activist flies high above the tired group, then holding position he throws out his weapons, which swirl downward. Upon reaching the ground, they begin firing off endless needles that hold in place as they slowly ascend. A cage of inert crystals form around the Jedi as the guns keep going higher, leaving only ten feet of space between the needles and the heroes. The weapons cap off the cage before flying away, completely trapping the six below)
Jo: What the freaking h**l?!
Activist: Just wanted to make your complete annihilation perfectly clear. No way any of you are gonna endure this.
(Jo growls as everyone stands tensely with sabers drawn, waiting for the metaphorical guillotine to drop)
Will: Maybe a chance of breaking through?
Sara: That might trigger them if we try.
Squishy: I think I can see a way out of this.
Cope: Me as well.
Will: What are you two talking about?
Squishy: He's acting almost the same as Xigbar, meaning there's a trick to surviving this.
Jo: Who's freakin' Xigbar?
Anna: That's what I wanna know! Also, what trick?
Activist: Heheh. Get out all the chatter while you can. I'll be enjoying the loooong silence that's to come shortly.
(He raises up a hand as if to signal)
Cope: Just stay focused and hold steady. Wait for my word.
Jo: To do what?
Squishy: You'll know.
(Everyone holds firm, though looking uneasy)
Activist: That's it, keep still. And die like the warriors you claim to be.
(Growing tension builds in the Jedi for what seem like minutes when it's only seconds. Then, in an instant, Activist drops his arm and all the needles fire at once)
Cope & Squishy: NOW!
(All the Jedi swing their sabers, and with one synchronized blow every single bullet gets deflected. Furthermore, the shots are redirected straight up into Activist, who only registers this fact a split second before they collide. The sound of dozens of plunging needles is sharp and sudden, the combined impact making Activist spin wildly in the air before he comes tumbling down hard to the ground before the Jedi. Abruptly he stands up unfazed, albeit with dozens of glowing pink needles jutting out from nearly every inch of his being, like some silly pink crystal cactus. It's enough to crack up some of the Jedi)
Activist: Oh ha ha ha ha, go ahead laugh it up, a**wipes! You got lucky with that one is all. (Throws out hands to call back his guns) That don't change the fact you're about to get skewered into… (Notices the winces and looks of surprise his foes are holding) What? Realizin' how SOL you are?
Will: Uhhh, you might want to check what you're holding.
Activist: Huh?
(He looks to his right hand and discovers—unpleasantly, and to a dramatic musical sting—that what he's holding isn't the gun he had before: It's an authentic Needler from Halo, emptied of ammunition. A look to his left hand confirms another empty Needler and musical sting, then looking down at himself he gets the biggest sting of all as the coat of needles begins to brighten with frightful intensity)
Activist: Oh how in the Fu—!?
(All the needles detonate in a devastating chain of pink explosions that launch Activist into the air, yelling in extreme pain and anger. After following this explosive ascent for some seconds the Jedi watch a charred and smoking Activist fall face down onto the floor. With incredible agony he props himself up with one seriously burnt hand, raising his head to look at the Jedi. His hat is gone, as are his sunglasses, revealing a pair of clear blue eyes)
Activist: D… D… D***it. Dunno what… happened. But I'm... I'm done for. (Loud cough and collapses onto ground) H**l… To go out, like this...
Will: Weren't you supposed to be unkillable?
Activist: Heh. By your namby-pamby hands. (Cough) No. Just… done in by my own… devices. (Coughs hard and rolls over) F*** me this hurts. (Harsh gasp) Don't go feelin' like big shots. You just… lucked out, by Master-knows-what. Still, I commend ya on lasting as long as you did… Real fleet-footed you punks are.
Anna: Nothing to it, Blue-Eyes.
Activist: Puh… Don't get cocky you sons of b***hes, and b***hes of sons. You can run fast, but that's all. It will only git harder from here, and those fast feet won't hold forever. They will give out at some point, and that's when there'll be h**l to pay.
Sara: We'll keep going as far as possible in that case.
Squishy: Which will be until the very top of this place.
Activist: (Gives pained laugh) F**k… brought low before a d**ned lizard-lovin' midget. You got spunk to match your cowardice, I'll give ya that. But again, that won't be enough… For any of you. (Cough cough) Still, a win's a win. And so you don't go thinkin' I'm a bad sport, let me… send you off…. with a parting salute.
(He painfully raises his arm upright, then extends his middle finger)
Activist: Burn in Hell, s***birds.
(His arm drops and he falls silent. There's a sound of wind, and suddenly his body breaks up into dozens of blue jean shreds and little plastic American flags, which scatter and blow away into the upper parts of the arena. Thus, nothing of the formidable Activist remains)
?: Ever the hard-a** prick, even to the end.
(Nearby somebody walks over, dropping two familiar guns that disappear into poofs of Patriotism upon hitting the floor. The man in question is Entrepreneur)
Entré: Stubborn to a fault, more so than the rest of us. Kinda adds to that rugged charm, but boy talking with him was a headache.
Sara: Entrepreneur?
Will: What the funk are you here for?
Entré: Paying my respects, obviously. At least one of us members has to be around to legitimize it. And as I was still in the neighborhood, I thought I'd pop by and see how you were doing. Turns out, marvelously.
Jo: Thanks to some help.
Entré: Hmmm?
Cope: You did more than just check on us.
Squishy: You swapped those guns out. And that shrink ray from earlier...
Sara: Yeah, that had to have been you.
Entré: Sheesh, what a sharp bunch you all are. Yuh, I switched in the Needlers; used his teleport trick shortly before that final barrage unnoticed. And that shrink ray was another courteous contribution of mine.
Sara: Why'd you do it?
Entré: Ehh, it didn't strike me as fair for him to shrug off Will's hard-earned stab, after all the sweating and running you guys had done, so I decided to even things out. Ultimately your good reflexes landed the final blow-out blow, so great job, everyone! (Gives a corny double thumbs-up)
Cope: This strikes me as suspicious how you chose to help us rather than your own supposed comrade.
Entré: Again, Alex, it was a matter of fairness. Plus he wasn't asking for help, and I'm not one to butt in on my co-workers' business. Now drop whatever you're about to say next; I'm gonna give you a real important tip for going through this place. Despite what old Ash claimed, we do operate like bosses in a video game. It's hardwired into everything here. As such, there are three ways to defeat an Embody, or Embodiment, in this place: by his own weapons, his own volition, or by another like him. Other than that, we're untouchable by figments such as yourselves.
Will: Why are you telling us this?
Entré: Consider it a reward for surviving the first boss. With most of the guesswork out of the way, you can be better prepared for the really hard stuff.
Jo: Still sounds pretty fishy you're giving all this info away to a bunch of intruders. Almost like you're setting us up for something.
Entré: Well, choose to believe me or not; it's totally your call. Just wanted to toss in a little mercy while things are still easy and manageable. Anyway, good luck with the others: They won't be nearly as straightforward as Activist. (Turns and leaps away)
Squishy: Wait!
(But the whimsical Entré is gone)
Anna:...What the h**l was that about?
Cope: I honestly cannot say.
Jo: He might be preserving us for when it's his turn to fight us.
Sara: Which begs the question of why he doesn't fight us now.
Will: Maybe because he's next? (Sighs and bends forward) Either way, I'm worn out.
Anna: Seriously. Just how many of these psychos are we gonna have to deal with? (Plops down on butt) I need a rest.
Sara: But, we can't just stop here. We're exposed.
Anna: I don't see anyone else around.
Cope: That you're aware. Remember, we didn't even know the other guy was here until he presented himself.
Anna: Don't start, Alex; I really don't want to think about that stuff. Ugghh, really hadn't thought that guy would be so relentless.
Squishy: It makes sense, since he's basically the same as Contractor and Financer.
Jo: That one old dude from way back certainly put up a fight, and just now we barely beat some blowhard who doesn't even understand guns properly. I can only imagine how brutal the next guy will be, if it isn't Entré.
Anna: Super encouraging, Jo.
Jo: Regardless, our galaxy and everyone in it still need restoring, and us sitting around isn't going to make that any more likely. So we keep moving upwards and onwards as Squishy and Sara said, and take on anybody that stands in the way. We've taken one down, so we've proven this desperate endeavor is possible. Besides, there's no way Squishy would sit around while his wife and kids are still missing. Ain't that right, Squish?
Squishy: Y-yeah, of course!
Anna: (Annoyed grunt) You can be a real pain sometimes, Jo. Which is probably how you're still the leader of this happy troupe of ours.
Jo: If you want we can try resting a bit, but not for long. As Alex pointed out, any of those Embodiments can just swoop in without warning.
Anna: Ehhh, I'm not feeling it anymore. (Gets up) All this talk has replaced my fatigue with annoyance, and that's making me antsy. Where's the exit?
Cope: Over there. (Nods to large door at other end of room)
Anna: Then let's motor, before I punch a hole in the wall in frustration.
Will: Save it for the next guy.
Squishy: Heheh, like, go at him with a haymaker the moment he shows up. He'll probably be too surprised to defend himself. Instant KO.
(Sara giggles, but Anna is not amused)
Anna: Swell to know your spirits are back up, Squish.
(They head for the door, which opens with little effort, and like that the group vacates the site of their first major battle within the Compendium, more or less in one piece)
Activist
DEFEATED
(With a momentous victory under their belts, the Jedi walk down a long and somewhat high-vaulted corridor that curves slightly to the left, lined with decorative supports of bland whitish gray stone-like material. They move in silence for several yards, recuperating from their first major bout, when suddenly,)
?: Well well! You actually got past the very first sentry. Talk about promise!
(Thin card-like objects whisk pass the group, and almost instantaneously a slick figure leaps from the side a ways ahead and lands in a stance before the group. A man of average height with an average build and a soft yet mature face about him, as well as neatened short blond hair that barely passes his ears. He's wearing a short-sleeved black shirt with a brown soft leather vest over it, as well as worn yellow traveling pants and comfortable walking boots, and half-tinted reader glasses. He also has a belt lined with various stuffed pouches and holsters, and around his neck is a drawstring that keeps the hat held flat against his back. In all he looks like a cheery, tidy cowboy, who spoke neutral English)
Opportunistic Cowboy?: Fortune has smiled giddily for me this day it would seem!
Anna: Oh come on, another already?!
Will: Uggggggh.
Cheery Cowboy: Yes, I'm afraid you have to face another of our house so soon, dear friends. But! I'm not like the others. Allow me to offer my delayed introduction. I am Duelist: Embodiment of Honor and Competitiveness, at your mercy. (Does a grand gentleman's bow) It's a fine treat to make your acquaintances, especially after what you've done.
Jo: So you want to defeat us for what we did?
Duelist: Oh for certain, Jedi Grand Master Webbol. The ranks are slightly bestirred by your accomplishment, but it has opened the door of opportunity for me to defend the organization directly. Why, if you had fallen, I would've gone back to performing menial tasks. Really, you've done me a massive good turn by making it this far.
Cope: Humble sort, aren't you?
Duelist: Only respectable, Jedi Master Copeland. Something which Activist painfully lacked and that I deeply apologize for in his place.
Will: Can you skip the formalities?
Duelist: You're right; I have gabbled long enough. You see Jedi, I'm not as high-ranked as my counterparts, but I still play a vital role in the maintaining of this institution. In the case of outside intrusion, I take on the role of gatekeeper between rooms, in order to prevent further entry should any of the upper-ranked Embodiments wind up defeated.
Sara: Activist was upper-ranked?
Anna: Well whoopee for us.
Duelist: Well, among the lowest of the uppers, but that's a moot point. What matters is that I am here to block your path, though not by conventional means. As my name suggests, I am a lover of tests of wit, strength, and dexterity of any given kind. As such, my combat abilities are built around the principles of dueling. Thusly, I shall face each of you individually via duels fitted to your personal levels of skill. If you refuse to partake, I won't be able to stop you personally, but the door going into the other room will remain sealed until the duel is resolved. Fortunately, being the honorable sort that I am, I only ask for one duel with one person for each encounter. Should that one person best me in a duel, then you are all free to proceed to the next room. If that someone should lose, (Becomes sinister) No one leaves period.
(The Jedi are taken aback by the shift, only for Duelist to lighten up immediately)
Duelist: That's not true. Only the one person who lost won't be able to continue. Now that I've laid out the conditions, are you willing to face me? Sadly you really have no choice on the matter, of which I apologize once more.
Squishy: It's okay. We accept, Duelist, and thank your sincerity.
Duelist: Excellent! You just made my day even more smashing!
Anna: Like we could say no.
Sara: Now now, at least he's being nice about it.
Cope: Like that changes anything.
Duelist: Alright, down to business. (Heightened tension) The first duel shall be a game of Poker, and my opponent shall be…. Joseph.
(Center on Jo, who gives a slight start before pointing to himself)
Jo: Me?
Duelist: Why yes yes, no question. How fitting it shall be that the de facto leader is first to undertake my duels. And besides, poker is your best table-top sport, am I right?
Jo: Yeah, one of my—
Duelist: Then my pick was spot-on! Now please, if you would bring yourself over to me. (With a wave of his arm a table and chairs appears in front of him) Don't be shy; it's only a gentleman's game.
(Hesitating slightly, Jo urges himself over to the table and takes a chair. Duelist does the same, then pulls out a deck and begins shuffling)
Duelist: The game is five-card stud, Jokers wild. We will play three rounds; best two out of three is the winner. In the event of both players having the same hand the point will go to the house, ie me. You can make one exchange per round. Simple enough?
Jo: Fine by me.
Duelist: Superb. (Starts dealing the cards, then to the Jedi) And it goes without saying that any outside intervention is grounds for immediate forfeit. Besides, your powers are null within this space. Just a friendly notice.
Anna: Gee, thank you.
(The cards are dealt, and both players grab their hands)
Duelist: The game has now started. Since you're the challenger, you may exchange first.
Jo: Gracias. (He looks intently over his cards, but then looks back) Don't go peeking you guys!
Will: Why would we?
Jo: Makes me uncomfortable. Anyway, I'll take two. (Throws in two and gets two back from Duelist) I take it that there's nothing phony about the deck, right?
Duelist: Absolutely. It utterly ruins the point of dueling if you cheat out a victory, though I understand the skepticism, given my employ. (Exchanges three cards)
Jo: Yeah. Have to say, it's refreshing hearing that out of you, since most of your kind we fought weren't keen on playing fair.
Duelist: And again I totally understand, and it's saddening to think about. Now, will you present your hand please?
Jo: Sure. (Places cards face up on table) Two pair.
Duelist: Hmm… I only have three fours. (Shows hand) First round goes to you.
Anna: Yeah!
Sara: Do it, Jo!
Jo: Yep, like I always.
(The cards are discarded and a new hand is given to both)
Duelist: Good play, Mr. Webbol. As I was saying, despite what grievances you bear toward my comrades, I hope to tidy up our reputation somewhat by showing you a more honest side of our organization. That we're not all self-aggrandizing cheats and thugs.
Jo: I appreciate the effort, bub, but one pleasant chat doesn't make up for years of bull-s***. (Throws in three cards)
Duelist: No, it would be foolish to believe otherwise. (Sigh) Ah well, at the very least I made an attempt. (Looks over cards) I'll just take one. (Does so) Present, please.
Jo: Heh. (Presents) A straight.
Duelist: Ah! A good hand indeed. Except… (Reveals hand) Mine's a Royal Flush.
Jo: Huh?!
Cope: The h**l?
(Close-up reveals that two of the cards are the deck's Joker cards)
Squishy: Oh snap! Both of 'em!
Jo: Crap!
Anna: That's bull! How'd you get both at once?
Duelist: I'm afraid that's just he way of the game: win and lose come both predictably and unpredictably. I always found it interesting that poker is a combination of luck, prediction and perception. Though in this case there is no point to perceiving as the object at stake cannot be divided into pieces in each round. Isn't that right, Joseph?
Jo:….I guess.
Squishy: Huh?
Duelist: Well, it's now one-one. Down to the last round; how marvelously contrived I bet you're thinking. Shall we settle this?
Jo: Yeah.
(The hands are dealt. Jo looks over his cards with intensity as the Jedi watch on in silence and the Duelist retains his cool. Reaching a decision, Jo discards four cards, and later the Duelist discards two. When all is settled)
Duelist: Final Call… For the sake of building tension, I'll present my hand first. (Raises and lowers cards face up) Three kings.
(Joseph slumps forward a bit, as though deflated. Anxiety arises among the other Jedi as Duelist waits calmly. Raising his head up slightly, Jo's eyes reveal a sad look, which immediately light up as he brings up his hand and softly slams them on the table.)
Jo: Four Aces.
(And right there are the four aces of the deck)
Jedi: Whoaa!
Duelist:….So they are. This duel is over: You win.
Sara: Woohoo!
Squishy: Yeah Jo!
Jo: Huuah! (Slumps back in chair with vast relief) I did it… Heck yeah!
Duelist: Exhausting, eh? Gambling one's own life can really take it out of you. (Claps) So!
(Stands up abruptly and slams palms on table, making it and the chairs disappear. Jo lands on his back with a thump)
Duelist: You have won the first of my duels; as expected from the Contractor's notorious Jedi creations. Passage to the next room is granted for everyone. It was a fun match, Joseph; you were a most competent player. Now, be on your way, warriors. Until next time, the best of luck in your mission. Farewell! (Leaps away and out of sight)
Will:….God this place is full of weirdos.
Sara: At least he was very polite. Maybe there are others like him.
Jo: Heh, wouldn't that be grand. (Stands up) Anyways, are we gonna go or what?
Will: Yeah.
Squishy: Of course.
Jo: Good. (They start walking)
Anna: Jo… You're being awfully calm despite what just happened.
Jo: Why not? It was only poker.
Anna: Still—
Jo: Far better than putting up with Gene Simmons at least.
Anna: Oh, definitely.
Will: Riiight.
Cope: Gawd… That encounter forever ruined the appeal of 80's hair metal for me.
(Jo laughs as the procession continues into the next room)
(The Jedi enter another round room encircled by columns, though not as wide nor as tall as the last one)
Sara: Weird; this looks like a smaller version of the first room.
Cope: I guess they didn't have any personality leftover for interior decorating.
(Upon reaching the other side of the room the group behold a massive granite statue that looks like a hybrid of man and gargoyle and is nearly as tall as the twenty-foot ceiling, set against the wall. Weirdly enough, it's wearing stone glasses)
Sara: There's one decoration. Odd place to put it, though.
Squishy: Not unless—
Statue: Harumph!
Squishy: Yaa!
Statue: Who is blathering whilst I slumber?
Sara: A talking statue?
Will: Huh. Can't remember if we ever faced one of those.
Statue: Lowly mites. I am no mundane talking statue. I am a member of the organization which inhabits this castle.
Jo: Oh really?
Statue: Correct. I am the Sentinel: Embodiment of Stubbornness and Stoicism, and I am not one to trifle with.
Anna: Okay, but what's your deal?
Sentinel: Like my brothers, I serve as guardian to this place and to our lord Master who reigns above us. I am to halt your intrusion and repulse you back to the void from whence you came.
Jo: And how are you going to do that exactly? You look pretty fixed to the floor as is.
Cope: Don't taunt it, Jo!
Sentinel: The door that will bring you closer to our Master is directly behind me. Look all you want; I am nestled so tightly that there is nigh enough space for even a termite to reach it. And as you have already learned, your weapons and powers will have no effect on me, for though I may appear to be made of simple rock I am actually composed of the very concept of human inertia. To figments such as yourselves, I may as well be a quadrillion tons of adamantium in terms immovability.
Jo: Okay. And what else?
Sentinel: Nothing else.
(A pause)
Will:...That's all you're gonna do? Block the door?
Sentinel: Absolutely. My immovable will shall be that which will end your foolish endeavor, and at last erase the final traces of that which the Master has deemed worthless. Ha Ha.
(The Jedi huddle)
Will: Is he actually serious?
Cope: He definitely sounds like it.
Sara: Talk about lazy defense.
Squishy: But effective. Why fight intruders when you can just seal them out completely?
Cope: Much like a city under siege. Only we can't starve them out, and I don't think the Trojan Horse ploy would fool them.
Will: We could try hacking him to pieces. I won't buy that whole adamantium claim unless I test it for myself.
Cope: He may have a countermeasure against attacks.
Squishy: I just thought of something.
Jo: What Squish?
Squishy: We can't beat them by regular force, only through unconventional, contrived means. So what I'm thinking is... (Whispers whispers whispers)
Anna: Honestly, Squish? If you wanted to de-stress, we could have done so back in—
Squishy: No, it's bound to work on him!
Cope: Just because you saw it on TV? Even then it didn't work.
Squishy: Not on the first go.
Cope: That's not the point!
Sara: Maybe we should try it. Doing seemingly dumb things got us out of dead ends before.
Will: Far too many times.
Jo: Well, it's not like we got anything to lose, so let's give it a shot.
Cope: I'd argue that our dignities would be at risk.
Anna: We're on the brink of total annihilation, Alex. There's no reservations when it comes to survival.
Sara: Plus it's not totally embarrassing if we all do it.
Others: …
Squishy: We won't know if we don't try. And if it doesn't work, then we can think of something else.
Anna: Okay, Squishy. You at least came up with something, and we haven't done your sort of thing in a while anyway.
Jo: Lead the way, Squish-ter.
Squishy: Alright! Just go with the flow.
(They break the huddle and Squishy approaches Sentinel)
Squishy: Sentinel, we understand and respect your wanting to block our path.
Sentinel: As you should. My words are unerring edicts of my being.
Squishy: But we cannot give up and turn back because of that. Our intent is to speak with your Master, and unfortunately that means getting past you. Your heart is both hardened and cold, so we will soften your rigid defense… with a warm and soothing music number. Hit it!
(Anna begins laying down an aquatic tune with some Bahamian xylophones)
Squishy: The seaweed is always greener, in somebody else's lake.
You dream about going up there, but that's a big mistake.
Just look at the world around you, here on the ocean floor.
Such wonderful (He keeps singing)
Sentinel: Wait, what are you doing? Are, are you trying to distract me or something? Stop that.
(Everyone else begins joining in by wearing tropical gear and playing tropical instruments while singing along)
Jedi: Under the Sea! Under the Sea!
Down here is better right where it's wetter
Take it from we—uh, me!
Sentinel: Guh, no, stop singing. Grr, you're getting the words wrong. Stop. Just stop! Infernal mites, graa.
(As the Jedi get more into the spirit of the Disney classic, Sentinel keeps groaning and fidgeting in sheer agonizing discomfort. Another ten seconds of aural torment later)
Sentinel: THAT'S F**KING ENOUGH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE; I'LL END THIS MYSELF! RAAAAAA!
(With that he rocks himself forward and falls with such force that he explodes into a pile of a large rubble upon impact, immediately stopping the music number. Where the Sentinel once defiantly stood, a lone door is now visible: The room's other exit)
Cope: Huh. I hadn't considered self-termination as a countermeasure.
Will: Guess Disney really does kill.
Squishy: But, but that was only supposed to soften his disposition, make him more cooperative. Why would anyone kill themselves over a song? I didn't want that to happen!
Jo: Well the job's done in any case, so we can move on.
Sara: Awesome! We got ourselves a freebie!
Anna: Hopefully there will be more like him in the future.
(The group begin moving toward the door and rock pile. Before advancing more than a yard, there is a low rumble that halts them as the center of the rubble heap starts shifting. A longer, stronger rumble occurs, just before a hand bursts from the rocks. The fingers are clawed as though in great pain or fury, and conjures black miasma around it as well as the harsh guitar of "F*** The System" plays. The hand becomes a fist, and when the other instruments hit the rubble pile explodes in a fiery burst. A blur tears through the miniature firestorm and lands with tremendous force a short distance from the Jedi. The figure erects itself to reveal… a very fidgety, four-foot tall teenager wearing an unbuttoned shirt, ragged pants, and tilted glasses whose frames are bent from his intensely furrowed brows. The music sputters to a halt at the sight of this tiny arrival, whose squirming face makes him like like he's constipated)
Punk: Where do you f**kers think you're going, HUH!
(The intensity of the lad's tone catches the Jedi off-guard)
Punk: Come in here, f**k up s**t, and scram like p***y pig-f**king b***hes? Where do you f**kers think you're at?!
(The excessive cussing swearing is also unnerving)
Cope: Whoa, calm down kid.
(The "kid" starts contorting himself while making indistinct noises like a monkey on speed)
Punk: You c**k-sucker! I'm NOT A KID!
Jo: Take it easy, alright!
Punk: No it's not alright! And I will never take it easy! NEVER! I'm the motherf**king Demolisher you s***heads! I'm rage embodied and all about breaking s**t up, such as those c***holes you call faces!
(The group gasps)
Squishy: Godd**n!
Demolisher: You're all in a world of f**king pain now! You may have gotten lucky before, but you dip-s**ts f**ked your pooches good! That p***y Sentinel kept me contained, but now I'm out and ready to f**k s**t up!
Anna: Seriously, calm the f**k down!
Demolisher: NEVER! You c**k-earred b****-a** dog-f**king s**t-eaters gabbing and blabbing. Slow-a** f**ks f***ing making me RAGE!
(Heat waves start emanating from him as rumblings fill the room)
Demolisher: Contractor has always pissed me off, and every time you're mentioned I get even MORE PISSED! All that cheery fantasy comedy bulls*** make me sick, and there were far too many stupid-a** jokes that people don't give two f***ing s***s about!
Squishy: He's got issues!
Demolisher: And you're a c***-deficient burlap s**tstain midget a**hole whose f**king face gets to meet my Hammer Jack!
(Reaching behind him, the psycho pulls out a large oblong instrument twice his height in length with spike tips at one end looking like a slab of iron with a hilt and handlebars on the bottom. Engraved on the side of the thing appears to be a fist with the middle finger extended way up to form the tip. "B.Y.O.B." kicks on)
Demolisher: You s**t sacks will die! DIE HARD!
(Immediately the little tyrant leaps with Hammer Jack across the distance and slams his weapon before the group, creating a seismic shockwave that tosses the Jedi all around the room)
Demolisher: Disperse! Disperse like kneeling hypocritic mindless computers! F***ing Cowards!
(As the music intensifies, Demolisher dashes after the dispersed Jedi, wildly swinging his weapon and foaming at the mouth. When one Jedi manages to flee from the attack, Demolisher flips back and slams the ground at high speed after another Jedi. After some furious flips, the music slows down, at which point Demolisher stops and grooves to the sound as the room changes to a desert setting)
Demolisher: Dancing in the desert having a good time; gonna blow up the sun.
Jo: What the h**l?
(Then the music kicks up again and Demolisher resumes his rabid chase, tearing up dunes trying to smash the Jedi. His speed is too much as Demolisher switches between targets before anyone can make a proper counterattack)
Demolisher: LA LA LA LA LA, S**THEADS!
(The music slows again and Demolisher goes back to grooving on the sand. The Jedi decide to attack this time, but Demolisher flash steps back every time a lightsaber gets near. Then after a while, Demolisher erupts with the song and the desert becomes a scorching, red-skied hellscape replete with Angry Sun)
Demolisher: Party Time Blast-Off Mother-F**kers!
(Demolisher's attacks become faster and more intense as he dives at each Jedi in tune to the song, knocking away some Jedi as he creates great sand waves with each impact. Then out of nowhere the music stops and switches to "Bounce", at which point,)
Demolisher: Hop-along now, b***hes!
(He flips around his weapon and grabbing the "handlebars" he proceeds to use it as an ad-hoc pogotick as the scenery becomes a dark murky playground of wrath. While singing to the song, Demolisher hops around after the Jedi in a random pattern, his weapon producing devastating shock waves with every pound. After a while the song and room changes again, this time to "Chop Suey" and a red velvet and black city. Before our heroes can acknowledge the change, Demolisher runs up to Cope and kicks him into a nearby building.)
Will: Alex!
(Suddenly the other Jedi are thrown into the air by a megaton slam done by Demolisher. As they're airborne, Demolisher appears and swings his Hammer Jack, dispersing them into different buildings. In one of them, Anna stirs from her landing right as Demolisher appears standing over her)
Demolisher: Wake Up!
(Anna rolls back and leaps back on her feet as Demolisher sings to the song. Demolisher lurches at Anna and brings his mega-bludgeoner around to whap her. She brings up her lightsaber, but the sheer size of the Hammer Jack knocks her back through several rooms. Demolisher gives a freakish laugh/grunt before dashing forward, only to have Cope break through the ceiling and block his way, looking immensely peeved)
Cope: No kid kicks me and gets away with it!
(Hearing the kid part makes Demolisher spew a string of curses as he shoots forward, weapon ready. In an instant he reaches Cope and strikes, only to have it stopped by Cope's saber, the stalemate causing the place to rumble and debris to gravitate to Anna's surprise)
Cope: That anger is disgusting, sloppy, and in general pisses me off to no end!
(Cope withdraws his blade so fast that it pushes Demo a few yards back, but this only angers the Embody more)
Demolisher: Pissed!? (He stomps a foot, sending a crack through the floor) No One Out-PISSES ME, S**T STUFFER!
(He then launches up through the roof, arcing toward the airspace between the six buildings present. Lingering for a moment, Demolisher then plummets like a meteor toward the ground, the ensuing impact making everything disintegrate in a wave of white-hot spastic hatred. The Jedi, no longer entrapped, plop down around the ruined ground, looking to see a sinister silhouette standing at the epicenter of a miniature mushroom cloud. As the smoke clears, Demolisher stands tense, looking pissed with Hammer Jack glowing with ruthless malice)
Demolisher: Why Are You Not Dead Yet?! F**king Frustrating Nimble F**ks! But you s**tty c**k-licker f***s are gonna DIE! (He points angrily at Squishy) Beginning with lizard-F**KER!
Squishy: Why me?
Demolisher: GAAAAAAAHH! Shut The H**L UP NOW!
(He gets ready to attack, but then the music changes again, this time to "Spiders". The hellish cityscape becomes a somber set of darkened ruins to match the much slower sound, with Demolisher reacting in kind by mellowing and becoming sluggish)
Anna: Why can't you just play out a song entirely before switching, ya dip?
Demolisher: Buhh… No, must… continue… raging…
Sara: Something's wrong with him.
Jo: We knew that from the start, Sara.
Demolisher: Meh… Stupid d**n… playlist… too relaxing… (Demolisher shakes his head as the music picks up a little) No… gotta kill the f**king midget at least.
(He bends back with his weapon, then twisting his body around he lets go and the Hammer Jack spins through the air at Squishy. Before it reaches him, Will slides in and delivers an upward kick into the middle of the weapon, knocking it up into the air in an arc, which brings it right onto Demolisher's head. He cusses and falls on his back as a light shoots from the HJ, from which six copies appear embedded in the ground near the Jedi. The heroes waste no time getting up and heading to the weapons)
Squishy: Thanks for the save, Will.
Will: No prob but, how did this happen? (Indicating the HJs)
Sara: We can use these! Entrepreneur said only their own weapons can beat them.
Jo: That's right! Alright guys, grab one.
(They each grab a weapon, and upon doing so their bodies fill with energy as their weapons surge with power and "Attack" takes over the airwaves. Meanwhile, Demo leaps back onto his feet with the original HJ in hand)
Demolisher: Okay who just—
(His sentence gets interrupted as six blurs launch at him, forcing him to deflect each one with lightning precision. The blurs bounce back and land in a line, revealing the Jedi levitating over the ground)
Anna: D**n these things are powerful!
Sara: I'm starting to feel angry for some reason.
Squishy: Me too.
Jo: Grrr, all y'all talking is making me angry!
Demolisher: Ay! You Stealing Cheating B***hes have no right to be Angry! I'm the Angriest!
Sara: And what gives you the right, a**face!?
Demolisher: Huh?
Will: There's lots of f**king things to piss us off!
Anna: Fighting idiots like you!
Cope: Being the butt in every joke!
Squishy: Being short and losing my family to you d***s!
Jo: And we're sick of all that bull-s**t! It's time to vent on some sorry scrawny a**, people!
(They all charge at Demolisher yelling)
Demolisher: Mother-F**kers! YAAAAAAAA!
(Immediately he engages the charging heroes and the scene explodes into fast chaotic exchanges all over the room. For the most part, the six Jedi fly at, strike and pummel Demolisher, who manages to evade and counter every attack. The Jedi employ dive bombs, rising slashes and even multi-angle ping-pong maneuvers to demolish Demolisher, yet the Embody matches them every time. Halfway through the song, the Jedi surround Demolisher and pound on him to the speed of the music, again not actually hurting Demolisher. When the song slows the Jedi leap away and withdraw their weapons)
Jo: Breathing… each other's lies…
Squishy: Holding…
Will: This in mind:
Cope: That if we fall,
Anna: Weee all fall,
Sara: And we—
All: Fall alone.
(They continue to sing the next part to Demolisher's chagrin)
Demolisher: Hey! No singing! No! NOOO! Quit your singing, a**holes! NYAAARG!
(As the music kicks up again Demolisher goes after some of the Jedi swinging madly, but the others come from behind and put the pressure on him once again. Towards the end of the song the Jedi and Demolisher circle-strafe one another before leaping into the air for one closing exchange. The Jedi all strike at once, cracking the HJ and sending Demolisher flying back, and upon him and everyone else landing the song finishes. Demolisher gets back up, now stomping his foot and shaking his head fervently)
Demolisher: F**k F**k F*** F**k F**k! F**king Jedi! F**k it; F**k IT ALL! S.O.A.D. sucks d**k with murdering your a**es! Too slow and yappy and they can go f*** their own c***s GOD THEY SUCK!
(He slams down his damaged HJ, causing a compartment to open and a cassette to pop out)
Demolisher: Worthless worthless hairy s**ts! I need more WRATH!
(Reaching into his shirt, he pulls out a black cassette and flings it into the open compartment, which closes upon receiving. Then the horror begins)
Demolisher: YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
o/ This Calling
(Demolisher flares up with a searing aura around him as his body becomes satanic black and red. The newfound hate and rage of the music radiates out at the Jedi, buffering them with heat. The powered-up Demolisher walks toward the Jedi and disintegrates their new weapons with a glare. As they work to get back up, Demolisher continues his walk of destruction, to which the Jedi once more find themselves fleeing. Like at the beginning, Demolisher chases one or more Jedi, slams his weapon then goes after another should he miss. However, with each strike his pace quickens and the flame waves grow larger, until fireballs shoot up from the ground with each strike)
Demolisher: Nowhere to run! Mine now; you b***hes are MINE!
(He cackles and babbles while continuing his terrifying pursuit. Eventually the Jedi regroup as the flame aura has spread to cover two-thirds of the room's diameter. At this point, Demolisher walks to the center of the room and lifts into the air, arms spread, a miniature sun forming around him to put the whole room under oppressive heat)
Demolisher: You Shall Burn In Mine Own Hell, Robed F**kers!
(He laughs maniacally as the fireball grows and the heat rises. Suddenly, the right sleeve of his shirt catches fire and he stops laughing to look)
Demolisher: What the!?
(He tries to shake it out, but his other sleeve catches fire, along with the front of his shirt)
Demolisher: No Stop! STOP STOP STOOOP! OW OWCH S**T F**K OWW **** *** **** *********************************************!
(As he's engulfed in flames Demolisher screams out more obscenities until he vanishes into the fire, at which point he lets out a vicious, angry, blood-chilling screech. Eventually the screech stops abruptly and the sun collapses in on itself, returning the room to its former serene gray. Standing in the center with arms still spread is Demolisher, every inch of him cooked to an ashen crispiness)
Demolisher: D***.
(With that, Demolisher tilts over and falls on his side. Hitting the ground, his charred body breaks into ash that immediately flames into nothing. The raving, agitated Embodiment is no more)
Sara: (Relieved sigh) What a relief.
Jo: Definitely; that psycho was annoying!
Cope: Not to mention way too tense. For crying out loud, I've never seen someone so angry, nor as needlessly vulgar!
Squishy: Almost like how you were back in the Academy, Alex.
Cope: Yeah, almost... Hey!
?: That's just how it was.
(From above, Entrepreneur drops down and lands where Demolisher had been)
Entré: Someone had to represent human fury, and little Demi was happy(?) to oblige.
Cope: You again?
Entré: Yessiree; come to congratulate you on outlasting the hothead, and without my help no less. That makes two disposed Embodiments, bravo! (Technically three, but that second one was more a showpiece :p)
Jo: Seriously, why are you back?
Entré: Just monitoring and scoping my future opponents a little more, Joey.
Anna: And watching another of your crew get wasted as well.
Entré: Look, Demi was a strung-out rage junkie; it was only a matter of time until he burned himself out. And you guys holding out was just the ticket for that.
Will: Do you even like any of your teammates?
Entré: Not particularly the ones you'll have to face.
Squishy: How many more Embodiments are there we have to go through, Entrepreneur?
Entré: What? Quitting already, little guy?
Squishy: No! Just curious.
Entré: It's still too early in the game for me to spill, but so far you're doing alright. One takeaway you want from this fight, however, is the importance of staying focused. Demi wanted to take you guys out fast and took drastic measures to blast you with his anger, and lost control of himself as a result. Which brings me around to a critical bit of information you all might've picked up on: No matter what Embodiment, we are all slaves to music. Most of us can't be motivated or even function properly without a good sound to drive us forward. Even if it's toward self-immolation, as you've just witnessed.
Anna: You're giving us this vital dirt on yourselves whyyy?
Entré: Because you still struggled against Demi, so obviously the odds need further evening.
Cope: How gracious of you.
Entré: You'd think, but information's only as effective as the amount of effort you put into using it. Anyway, I've talked long enough, and you've got more road ahead of you. Perhaps straight to me! Not likely, but you never know.
(With parting shrug, he leaps out of sight)
Will: Welp, that happened again.
(The group start walking for the door)
Sara: Thinking about it, won't he get in trouble for telling us all that stuff?
Jo: Probably. Or he's telling us because he was told to.
Will: What kind of sense does that make?
Jo: Look where we are, Will. And who we've been facing.
Will: Ah, right.
Squishy: At least the hints we're getting are helpful.
Anna: Would've been nicer if he just gave us an effective weapon be done with it.
Sara: We could probably ask him next time. If he shows up.
Jo: Splendid idea. Squish, take a note. He might give you something if you ask him real nicely.
Squishy: Probably a pea shooter or a slingshot.
Anna: If it'll actually hurt them, that's still an advantage.
Cope: And we really need some of those.
(They reach the door, open it, and step on through)
Demolisher
DEFEATED
(The tempestuous battle with Demolisher behind them, the Jedi enter another slightly curved ornate hallway similar to the one from earlier. Not long into it, the Western-garbed Duelist slides in from the side while maintaining an honorable stance to the riff of a Spanish acoustic)
Duelist: Once again you have exceeded my expectations, fair Jedi. Though hardly higher in rank from Activist, Demolisher was nevertheless a brutal powerhouse, and only the most tactful and agile could survive his wild onslaught.
Anna: Crap, I forgot about him.
Duelist: That's right: it's time to face me. And seeing how eager you are to be rid of my presence from the look on your faces, I will cut to the chase. The one who shall be my challenger for this round is… Sir Copeland.
(Focus on Cope)
Cope: Okay. What's it gonna be?
Duelist: Being the underutilized intellectual that you are, I originally intended to have a chess match with you. However, I couldn't find my chess board nor pieces by the time you exited the room.
Will: (Aside) Hard to believe.
Duelist: So in lieu of wit and strategy, I've decided that ours will be a duel of strength… In the form of arm-wrestling.
(Upon saying this, an official arm-wrestling table and chairs poof into being)
Cope: You've got to be joking.
Duelist: Afraid not, Alexander. But at the very least it will be quick. Shall we?
(Cope heads for the table, as does Duelist. Taking seats opposite each other, Cope loosens himself up while Duelist takes off his cowboy hat and puts on a raggedy baseball cap, which he turns around. For this he gets a look from Cope)
Duelist: Forgive me; I've always wanted to do that.
(Flexing the fingers in his right hand, Duelist puts his arm into ready position, as does Cope.)
Duelist: Only one round to determine the winner this time. As a forewarning, I'm stronger than I appear.
Cope: Likewise.
(They look at each, other hands inches from each other, facing off until)
Duelist: Go!
(They lock hands and commence wrassling. Right off the bat both exert great but equal strength that leaves their arms almost motionless)
Jo: Get him, Alex!
Will: Do it, do it!
Squishy: Yeah Alex!
(The Jedi cheering him on, Cope strains to move Duelist's arm over to the left and succeeds, but not very far. Duelist returns the push and moves Cope's arm in the opposite direction. With the Jedi cheering harder, the strain is visible on Cope's face, and even Duelist's grinning look is marred with sweat and redness. The deadlock lasts for seconds and stifles the air. Then in a make-or-break instant, Cope gives it his all and forces Duelist's arm onto the tabletop for an explosive victory, complete with confetti and smoke bursts. With a hearty yell he gets up victorious and returns to the others, congratulations aplenty. Duelist stays where he is, replacing his hat with the other one as the confetti settles)
Duelist: Quite the work-out. A real firm arm on you have. (He gets up and moves away as the table and chairs vanish) Once more your group remains whole, as Mr. Copeland's strength has made him worthy in continuing. I won't delay you all any further, but remember that I will be waiting should you survive the next trial, and I promise the next contest will be something more thought out. Until then, au revoir. (Duelist whisks away)
Squishy: Wow, that was surprisingly short.
Cope: Indeed; that was so quick and simple I had forgotten my life was on the line. No doubt the chess match would've been more suspenseful.
Sara: Shouldn't he have been able to conjure up a chess board? Aren't Embodiments able to do that sort of thing?
Jo: A real good question, and a lucky thing no one thought to mention it while he was around. Anyway, forwards.
(They head down the rest of the hallway and reach another door, stepping through to meet their next major hurdle)
(The Jedi walk into a very long room with a vaulted dome-like ceiling that's stretched out. The walls are covered in light shades of peach but it's so light that it's more a fuzzy white)
Squishy: A change in coloring, and it's only the third room.
Will: But nothing else besides.
(Suddenly the room goes dark)
Sara: The lights!
(Beams of light shoot up from different parts of the ground, moving along to the rapid riff of an electric guitar. They form up lines that go around the room and spin in a circle before a flash of light briefly reveals a small stage before everything goes black and silent again. After some seconds, floodlights fall onto the stage, revealing a rocker standing on top)
Rocker: Awwwww YAAAEH!
(Roman candles and sparkler fountains light up the room as the rocker with his guitar puts on a show)
Rocker: Break me down, you got a lovely face.
We're going to your place,
And now you got freak me out!
Scream so loud, gettin' f**kin' laid.
You want me to stay, but I got to make my way
Hey! You're crazy b***h,
But you f**k so good I'm on top of it.
When I dream, I'm doing you all night,
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Hey! You're crazy b***h,
But you f**k so good I'm on top of it.
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep my right on.
(Some more pyrotechnics as he rocks on to himself, then resuming his singing he's accompanied by a light show)
Rocker: Take it off, the paper is your game.
To jump in bed with fame,
Another one not paid in full. Unh!
You're so fine, it won't be a loss.
Cashin' in the rocks, just to get young-blooded
Face to face.
(He begins walking down the ramp before the stage)
Hey! You're crazy b***h.
But you f**k so good I'm on top of it.
When I dream, I'm doing you all night.
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on.
Hey! You're crazy b***h,
But you f**k so good I'm on top of it.
When I dream, I'm doing you all night.
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on.
(He skips to the last major guitar solo of the song and strings off a closing note punctuated by more pyrotechnics, as light returns to the entire room. The rocker fully visible, the Jedi note the punk-style pants and T-shirt with the word "PARTY" scrawled on the front, and more noticeably the dude's 90's rhino-horn hairstyle. His guitar is a shimmery cobalt blue, and his glasses look like something from Elton John's personal collection. He brings his attention to the Jedi)
Rocker: Woo! Goood Evening ladies and gents, and Welcome to the Happenist Corner of Compendium Headquarters!
(More confetti shoots up behind him)
Anna: Uhhhh…
Rocker: Amazed? No doubt; why would there be? Figments like yourselves can't resist the wave of bedazzlement my performances evoke.
Cope: Wow…
Jo: Who—
Rocker: Before you say anything, let me to introduce myself. The name's Exhibitionist: Embodiment of show-stoppin' and hard-rockin', yeah! I'm the one who puts the show in showmanship; who makes every toast fit to boast. I have the freshest 'tude and an extensive music appreciation library that's bar none to anyone! In other words, I'm the soulful foundation to this institute. Yaow! (Gives off another riff/confetti move)
Will: And we thought the last guy needed to chill.
Exhibitionist: Let me give you serious props for making it this far, even though those last two compadres of mine were among the weakest in the roster.
Anna: Dude, you are seriously obnoxious and it makes you look like an a**, just an FYI.
Exhibitionist: Obnoxious? More like, "you're jealous", ha ha. Don't deny the fact that I'm as b***hin' cool as my guitar skills.
Jo: Squishy rocks way harder than that, you wannabe!
Sara: Yeah!
Exhibitionist: Yow, you guys need to watch what you say. I've been around way longer than all of you, rocking it up. Nothing beats experience.
Sara: That song you played wasn't even that good, either.
Cope: Buck Cherry sucks.
Exhibitionist: Again you're forgetting just who you're talking to. I'm the Embodiment of all that rocks and is hardcore. I'm the hardest of the hard, baby!
Will: You certainly brag way more than the last two guys we fought.
Exhibitionist: Oh dude-buddy-guy, I'm FAR more powerful than those squares. Beneath this smokin' exterior lurks a beast. One more sophisticated and suave than Demolisher for sure, and studlier than Mr. Westhead Activist. I also have abilities neither of those two could dream of wrangling.
Jo: Like committing crimes against hair?
Exhibitionist: Nope; I can read skill levels. That's right: I can gauge your weakness, which works for my methods. While the last two tried taking you out all at once and overexerting themselves in the process, I prefer the smarter, more effective divide-and-conquer approach. In other words, you lucky figments get to be picked off one by one in a very rockin' manner.
Anna: There's just one problem with you telling us this: We can team up and not do it your way. That way, we kick your a** in a fraction of the time.
Exhibitionist: But as you would quickly learn, sweet cheeks, ganging up on me would be a sad mistake. For one you wouldn't be able to touch me; for another, I'd just vanish and lock you in here for good. The moment you walked in was a straight Welcome to Dying. So that leaves the question: Do you go for the route with the slimmest chance of survival, or the slow, boring guarantee of death? Whadd'll it be, Jedi?
Sara: This sounds exactly like what Duelist has going.
Exhibitionist: Him? Pfffft! He's waaaaay old-fashioned. I'm way cooler, and what I have lined up will most definitely blow your minds.
Jo: Sure, whatever you say.
Exhibitionist: I totally say! Now, the way this works is, I look at your skill levels and decide who I will face first. When that's done, the fun can begin! (He raises a palm and a scout reader drops into it) I don't need it, but these things are classic. (He puts it on his head) Now lessee...
(From his perspective, we see the Jedi with numbers over their heads. He looks at Squishy)
Exhibitionist: Oh ho, little little Squishy. Your scrawny apple tree has been entangling my sequoia of influence for a long time. Though I'd love to smother that smug shining light of yours right now, I've decided to save you for last. It would serve a satisfying finale after putting down your talentless friends.
(He looks over to Cope and his really low number)
Exhibitionist: Ah! We have a winner! The sorriest sack in the bunch, none other than grim-jawed Copeland!
(Focus on him, who looks surprised)
Exhibitionist: I'm seeing that you have the least bit of skill out of everyone. Boy, that is so sad. Which is why you will be my first contestant!
(Fanfare as more confetti comes down, this time around Cope)
Squishy: Quit with the confetti, guy!
Exhibitionist: You will serve as my first victim-slash-example, as I will shame you at a game all of you are quite familiar with: (A huge arcade machine rises from the floor) DDR! (Some more fanfare) Step right up and prepare for exhibition, my dude!
(Cope looks at the others, then begrudgingly goes to the machine while mumbling)
Cope: Thought I was done with this dueling crap.
(Cope reaches his designated pad as Exhibitionist does so with his)
Exhibitionist: Before I forget, I gotta thank you guys for taking care of Ash and Demi. Both of them seriously kill my buzz to no end, and now that they're gone, the full extent of my kick-a**ness can be unleashed unhindered.
Cope: Perhaps it can be unleashed sooner if you cut with the talking.
Exhibitionist: Sure sure. It's your funeral, after all.
(They both look at the screens and Ex goes through the song selection)
Exhibitionist: This'll work like regular DDR, except each side's difficulty will match our personal skill levels. Whoever racks up the most points from one song is the winner, so if you're mediocre then lose all hope this instant. Now spin the wheel!
(He selects "Random" and the selector spins, stopping on Bon Jovi's "It's My Life". The READY screen comes up, then we see that Ex is on Normal. They both get ready)
Exhibitionist: Get ready to eat my dance dust, Lurch.
(The first arrows come up and the dance-off begins. Exhibitionist looks smug nailing strings of arrows and double steps)
Exhibitionist: Oh yeah; I'm just too good. Look out! (Both contenders keep pace to the beat, then at the first chorus) Check it!
(Exhibitionist starts showboating while landing the succession of arrows. The Announcer shouts exaltation as combos rack up. When the singing stops there is a momentary break)
Exhibitionist: This is all in the bag, heheh.
(Just as he steps forward)
Cope: This for the ones who stood their ground. (He stomps extra hard)
Exhibitionist: Huh?
(This makes Exhibitionist lose focus and miss some steps, breaking his combo)
Cope: For Tommy and Jenna, who never backed down.
(As Cope continues to sing he puts more energy and motion into his steps, and the difficulty goes up to Ultra)
Squishy: He shouldn't have picked random. It's already over.
Exhibitionist: What? What's going on?
Jo: You said it Squish: This is Alex's power song.
(Right at the chorus, Cope flicks his head around and now sports a white bandanna as he pulls off some sexy moves)
Cope: It's My Liiiife,
And it's now or nee-ver.
I ain't gonna live for-e-ver.
I just wanna live my own liiiife…
It's My Liiiife,
My heart is like an open highway.
Like Frankie said I did it my way.
I just wanna live my own liiiife…
It's, My, Liiiife.
(Suddenly he's playing a keyboard and racking up killer points on both DDR & Beatmania. All the while he's air-guitaring to the solo and moving his limbs over Para-Para Paradise sensors to hit the arrows in that game. Meanwhile, Exhibitionist is struggling to keep up without being distracted by the absurdity unfolding beside him. When the singing resumes, a Karaoke Revolution microphone is strapped to Cope's chin.)
Cope: Never stand tall when I'm calling you out
Don't make don't break baby don't back down… (Dun, Dun)
It's My Liiiife!
And it's now or ne-ver!
I ain't gonna live for-e-ver!
I just wanna live my own liiiife…
(That last part and the remainder of the song can only be described as insane. Out of nowhere, several peripherals practically swarm Cope and he utilizes them all: He waves his keyboard-holding hands over Samba de Amigo pads along with the PPP ones, four more arrows and the center are added to the dance pad, his knees are bumping against Donkey Konga bongos, and most impressive of all, a Rock Band drum set and Taiko Drummaster Peripheral are handled by a wavy black CENSOR bar attached to Cope's groin. Exhibitionist's face is one of absolute disbelief at watching Cope rack up serious points on NINE DIFFERENT GAMES AT ONCE. When the song ends, Cope hops onto the center of the pad with arms raised, the machine displaying an insanely massive score before it melts on itself. The peripherals have vanished and the censor bar has retreated into Cope's pants, leaving him looking impeccable without a single drop of sweat on him. He drops his arms and shakes himself up)
Cope: D**n that was fresh.
(He turns and heads back to the other Jedi, who break into cheers)
Will: Frickin' incredible Alex! D**n incredible!
Anna: D**n straight. "Epic" cannot properly describe what you just did there.
Cope: I was psyched is all; been awhile since I heard that song.
Sara: But all that stuff you were doing was still impressive.
Cope: I was just playing DDR, Sara.
Sara: That, and with what you were doing with your—
Squishy: Pssst! I don't think he's aware; too caught up in the zone.
Sara: Ohh. Probably best not to mention that, then.
Cope: Mention what?
Anna: Nothing you magnificent step-dancing b****d. Your footwork was mind-blowing!
(Meanwhile, Exhibitionist just stands by mollified with jaw dropped before lowering the rest of his head)
Exhibitionist: Contractor really went all out. I had thought those lizard kids were the only freaks…
(Composing himself, he looks at and addresses the Jedi)
Exhibitionist: I should forfeit you for being excessive. However, you were able to get a higher score than me, so for the time-being, Copeland remains intact.
Jo: H**l yeah he does!
(Exhibitionist turns around and hunches over, face scrunched up and biting on his index finger)
Exhibitionist: Friggin' h**l this shouldn't have happened; I'm better than this! I would've outdone him easy if he hadn't whipped his d**k out, that d***ed, d***ed cheater! Eehhhhhhgh!
Anna: Are you alright over there?
(Exhibit snaps out of it and quickly turns back to them)
Exhibitionist: Of course I am; perfectly super. Just massaging my calf is all. And funny you should address me, Joan Jett, cuz you're next!
Anna: Huh? How so?
Exhibitionist: Because the scouter marked you as the second least skilled, Killer Queen. Now get up here!
(Anna approaches as the remains of the DDR machine sink into the ground)
Anna: Starting to feel the heat already, Mr. Soulful Foundation?
Exhibitionist: Pah, you wish! I'm more raring to go than anything you can imagine. You could call me Sir Rarington because seriously I can't control this raringness.
Anna: The challenge, Mr. Big Time?
Exhibitionist: I was going to get to that, Nightwish; you're that eager to get schooled? Well do I have a curriculum for you, featuring one of my personal passions: Guitar Hero!
(A GH machine rises up with two peripherals attached. Ex grabs the one closest to him)
Exhibitionist: Just one song and one song only: Wolfmother's "Woman" on Expert. Highest score wins; first to fail, loses. That enough of a challenge for ya, Queen of the Stone Age?
Anna: Quit referring to me by band names or I'll sock ya!
Exhibitionist: Losing your nerve already? That's pressure for ya.
(Anna growls and grabs her guitar peripheral)
Squishy: Are you good at this song, Anna?
Anna: Actually I've only played this game maybe twice.
Group: What!?
(Exhibitionist is elated)
Exhibitionist: Least you're honest about your lack of ability. (Begins selecting song) But it is my sworn duty to give no mercy to any and all intruders. And with that, Let's Rock, Baby!
(Selects song and difficulty, then the game begins. The first notes scroll down and the two competitors start fingering those buttons and riff pedal. From the get-go there are missed and sour notes. Anna is looking frustrated but perseveres as the Jedi look on helplessly)
Squishy: Use Star Power once you get it, Anna! It'll keep you in the Green!
Anna: How do I activate it again? Agh, d***it!
Will: Anna isn't looking too hot out there. And I can only imagine how in the zone that Exhibitor guy is.
Jo: Alex, what does that scouter say about his skill level?
(For some reason Cope has the scouter on his face, but then he takes it off)
Cope: It's Over Nine Thousandths!
Jo: What?! Nine Thousand!?
Cope: No, I said thousandths, as in less than one.
Jo: Seriously? Gimme that. (Takes scouter)
Sara: Where'd that come from?
Cope: I stole it earlier.
Will: When?
Cope: I honestly can't say.
(Jo uses the scouter and sees that Exhibit's skill level is 0.00913, and Anna's is 0.15)
Jo: Holy crap, Anna's slightly more skilled than him!
Squishy: Uh, you don't need a scouter to see that.
(At the machine, we see that Exhibit has been struggling as much as Anna has. Both of their meters are bouncing between red and yellow)
Exhibitionist: Gah, gerrr! Haven't played this song in a while, otherwise I'd be dominating! (Looks over at Anna's side) Hey! There's no way I'm losing to Evanescence here! Cheat! Cheat!
Anna: How? I'm doing as poorly as you.
Exhibitionist: I'm not poor!
(They both sweat it out, Exhibit moaning and complaining as his stamina wanes. His meter gets deeper in the red as he struggles more with all looking on in anticipation. Finally his meter hits bottom. The digital audience boos him off and the game goes to Anna)
Exhibitionist: Sweet CaroLIIIINE!
(Having raised his arms to deliver that defeated cry, he lets them flop to his sides, dropping the guitar to the floor and falling to his knees, hunching over in anguish)
Anna: Hyeah! Who's got the education now, Mr. Butthole Surfer? Who I ask? You! Booyah!
(She drops her guitar and walks to her awaiting friends while Exhibit blubbers on in solitude)
Exhibitionist: I lost. I lost AGAIN! How, how can I? And to a girl! A freakin' girl… I'm a failure. A failure. A failure! Failure! Failure! Failure! FAILURE!
(Exhibit pounds his clenched hand into the ground)
Exhibitionist: Losing twice in a row; I SUCK! SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK! An ugly miserable failure unfit for anything! Nothing Nothing Nothing Nothing!
(He completely breaks down and rests on his arms and knees as he sobs away. This catches the Jedi's attention)
Jo: Wasn't expecting that.
Sara: Should we go over to him?
Cope: It could be a ploy to attack us.
Anna: Or he's being a godawfully sore loser.
Cope: Probably that.
(The sight is pitiful, like watching a senior citizen break into baby hysterics after having their sweets taken away. A few more seconds of this sorry show passes before he starts to get a grip, still prostrated)
Exhibitionist: N-no… No I'm… Stronger than this. *Sniff* Gotta… gotta pull it together… *Sniff, Pout* Those b****ds, making an idiot of me… They'll get theirs.
(Reaching into his pants he withdraws a portable CD player, headset, and CD. As he puts it on he continues to mumble)
Exhibitionist: They'll see… why they should… tremble at my feet. With this, everything will be… Prime.
(Shuts the player and pushes play. After the brief start-up sound there is a beating bass resembling a techno heartbeat, and ten seconds later Exhibit's eyes light up blue and a wave of energy spreads out from him in a circle as Freezepop's "Less Talk More Rokk" truly kicks in. Exhibit's body surface pricks up like static energy, then as a slow steady bass rhythm plays his back ridges up like a frequency meter. As the beat quickens a barrier of radiant blue light forms around him that encapsulates him in a pillar of groove. As Jo looks on with the scouter, he sees that his skill level is rapidly increasing to the pace of the beat)
Jo: This isn't good…
Anna: What?
Jo: He's getting stronger.
(The lights of the room dim as everything becomes predominantly blue and Exhibit's light pillar gets bigger and brighter. Jo's scouter begins scrambling numbers and only manages to spell out "STOKED" before breaking to pieces. When the beat becomes unbearably fast and tense the pillar of light contracts into one illuminated being. Aglow with fluorescent groove and rhythm, Exhibitionist floats, now wearing a casual jacket and his hair flowing like liquid platinum. He appears at one with himself)
Squishy: Exhibitionist?
Will: Jo… What was his skill level?
Jo: It didn't say. It just labeled him "Stoked".
Sara: The Stoked…
(The Stoked just floats there at ease with the music, then he descends onto a newly-formed turntable rig. Suddenly the whole place becomes a techno club, with darkness broken by staccato bursts of blue and white. A sign of lightbulbs behind him spell STOKED as he works his magic on the records and synthesizer. Mist descends on the room and suddenly shadows rise up to dance to the bumpin' sound, the Jedi becoming lost in the phantom crowd. Time seems to stand still as everything gets lost in the music, but eventually The Stoked stops and the laser/light show ends along with the music. After a pause, the house lights come on and the shadows vanish, leaving the Jedi finding themselves re-positioned at odd places. The Stoked looks down upon the heroes, still as radiant as before and sounding very relaxed)
The Stoked: Seems I got wrapped up in the moment. Forgive me.
(He lazily does a handstand on the turntable and slowly flips forward, gracefully descending to floor level)
Will: What is up with you?
The Stoked: I've cooled down. Looked within myself and realized the essence of the rocker spirit. And I am eager for a rematch, (Looks to Anna) Little Miss Feisty.
Squishy: Rematch?!
Anna: Why the h**l for? I beat you, fair and square!
Cope: Yeah!
Anna: Why not rematch Alex instead?
Cope: What!?
The Stoked: It's my rules, and they are subject to change. Whether you want to or not, you shall challenge me again.
Anna: You really are a sore loser. And changing your look and tone of voice won't change the fact that you're a punk.
The Stoked: My change is more than superficial. (He pulls out his guitar) Trust me when I say I've brought my A-game.
(Immediately he shreds away at his guitar, breaking into "Misirlou". All around, lounge tables pop up with the shadows from before, cheering as the room becomes a darkened nightclub. Standing atop a stage, a lone light centers on The Stoked as he does his performance. His fingers moving nonstop, he struts the stage giving off furious yet doleful music. Midway through the song he sweeps his guitar over the stage floor to set it aflame, then proceeds to play it with his teeth as the shadows clap to the tune. When the extreme solo ends he throws up his guitar, which falls and stops at crotch level and is expertly played by a… special limb, while The Stoked plays another smaller guitar as the clapping continues. He plays off one last note to expertly finish the set, at which point the place erupts into cheers, whistles and applause. Stoked gracefully takes it all in, arms raised and nodding in appreciation. The Jedi are stunned)
Jo: Whoa…
The Stoked: Now, my impatient groupie.
(He tosses the smaller guitar to Anna, and upon catching it, a lone spotlight shines on her)
The Stoked: Play something of equal or greater quality, if that's not too difficult.
(Anna takes a moment)
Anna: Um… Ah…
(She tries a string, but hits a sour note, causing an immediate uproar of boos and hisses from the shadow patrons that's deafening. Anna winces from the relentless heckling)
The Stoked: That's right, squirm. Flounder in the humiliation of being a disappointing lack of musical prowess. You all will face this crushing weight of worthlessness. (Looks at Squishy) It'll soon be yours to bear, Squishy.
Squishy: Oh boy.
?: It's too early to gloat, Ex!
(From out of nowhere, Entrepreneur rushes up to Squishy and plunges his massive cleaver into him, then yanks it right back, pulling out a glowing orb of energy at its tip as Squishy falls over)
Entré: Anna, think fast!
(He pulls back his weapon and whips it forward, flicking off the energy into a glowing ball. The ball zips toward Anna, and right as she faces it it hits her and gets absorbed. Anna bends over as her body spasms and electrifies as Squishy's soul assimilates with her. A bright flash returns the room to normal, and we see Anna dressed in a gaudy retro orange sci-fi outfit with her hair done in pigtails as a quirky diddy plays)
Anna?: Minna-san konbawa. Pudding deeesu!
(She readies her guitar and smiles at The Stoked, challenging him to a "Guitar Showdown")
The Stoked: Hunh. Unusual, but I'll buy it.
(He readies his guitar and plays a short tune, then Anna? improvs a more rockin' rendition)
The Stoked: Wha?
(He plays again, and once more Anna? one-ups him. He plays thrice more, and thrice more Anna? surpasses him. During the intermission, Anna? gives a sweet riff)
The Stoked: Let's make it interesting.
(The Stoked pulls off some dance moves, then Anna? does more energetic ones. Stoked goes back to playing the guitar)
The Stoked: What's your problem?
(Anna? plays her own)
Anna?: Ii rokku, desu ne?
(Stoked rocks some more)
The Stoked: Don't think you're winning.
(Anna? does same)
Anna?: Subarashi desu yo!
(They go into another dance routine with Anna? doing better again. At the next intermission The Stoked starts to sweat as a meter with his own skill level appears over him. Fountains appear as Anna? gives another victory riff)
The Stoked: You wanna get it on? So be it!
(Another two mini-dance offs all in Anna?'s favor, each loss causing Stoke's meter to drop. He switches back to his guitar and plays a long tune)
The Stoked: Top that, candy pants!
(Anna? does so effortlessly)
Anna?: Ikimasu yo!
(Stoked does another long set)
The Stoked: This isn't funny!
(Anna? again)
Anna: Hai hai hai!
(Another set)
The Stoked: You better stop!
(Repeat)
Anna?: Iie iie iie!
(Final intermission has a curtain of water rise around the two, sealing them from the others. The atmosphere intensifies as the music hushes, then both of them break into guitar and dance duels in quick succession. Stoke's skill level steadily drops as does his energy, but Anna? holds steady)
The Stoked: What are you?
Anna?: Supa Kawaii!
(Some more duels)
The Stoked: This can't be happening.
(A final tense string of two-note tunes from both of them follows, after which Anna? gives a strong riff to end the battle and destroy The Stoked's skill level with the fountain curtain dropping away)
The Stoked: No, not again! NOOOOOOOOOO!
(The Stoked becomes a white glowing glob as spiritual energy flies away from him in droves. Meanwhile, Anna? also undergoes a change, Squishy's soul leaving her body and returning to its original host. Anna is back to herself in mind and fashion, and Squishy sits up unharmed)
Squishy: Mueh… what happened?
Entré: I detached your inner self from your physical form for a quick mo. Don't worry; there's no lingering side effect.
Squishy: Huh—Entrepreneur?!
(Meanwhile, Anna has regained her senses)
Anna: Bleh, BLUH! Jesus, why am I feeling wrong all over?
(The Stoked meanwhile is still shrinking until the lights vanish, leaving behind a chibi-fied Exhibitionist)
Will: Whoa!
Sara: Aww, he's adorable.
(Exhibit looks at his diminished dimensions before yelping in surprise)
Exhibitionist: NAA! What, what am I? Why'd this happen?!
Entré: I say you just had your balloon popped, Exxy boy.
Exhibitionist: Ace? You traitor! You did this to me!
Entré: I did nothing to you, Ex. I merely helped the lady match that power boost of yours. Gotta keep it fair, you know, otherwise there's no challenge.
Exhibitionist: We're not supposed to keep things fair, dude! The figments are to be dealt with however we want.
Entré: Then you should have crushed them right away, instead of making a show of it just to vigorously stroke your ego. Honestly, quite pathetic, my dude.
Exhibitionist: Ooooooooh, I'm telling Master about this! You'll be erased in no time for stepping in!
(By this time Anna has returned to the group)
Anna: So I take it that I won? And that Entrepreneur helped again?
Cope: Uhhhh, I'll explain later.
Exhibitionist: You didn't win; you cheated! And even if you did beat all my challenges fairly, I'd never let you through! I'm not gonna fold over like the last two; you're stuck here forever!
Entré: (Sigh) Just give it up, Ex. You're in no state to fight as you are.
Exhibitionist: Nuh-uh! I can fight! I'm better than this!
Entré: Breathe Ex, breathe. You're supposed to be one of the more chill Embodi—
Exhibitionist: No! You say my challenges are a waste of time? Then I'll just go all out. And I'll succeed, with the help of this!
(Whips out a portable MP3 player, which surprises Entré)
Entré: How'd you get your hands on that?
Exhibitionist: None of your business! Look upon this, Jedi: This Sansa will dig your graves!
(A USB stick juts out of one end)
Entré: That's not a real good idea—
Exhibitionist: Shut up! You say I can crush them, so now I'm going to do it! Tai-YOOOOOOOH!
(As he shouts, he raises the player high as force radiates from him, then rams the player into the side of his head and explodes in a great flash. When the light clears it's Exhibitionist's old self, only now he's pissed and sparking, his guitar held out like a weapon and a Sansa player sticking out his head, as "Stressful Boss" from Bomberman Generations kicks on)
Entré: Oooh boy, there he goes. Good luck handling him. (He leaps away)
Anna: Hey wait!
(Exhibit charges them. Similar to Demolisher, he goes after individual Jedi, except his attacks are more focused with lightning strikes as well as shockwave attacks, plus power slides to cover distance)
Exhibitionist: Nobody rocks harder than this!
(At one point he throws several amps across the room)
Exhibitionist: Amp Bomb!
(He wails his guitar, causing all the amps to explode into devastating electric blasts. Next he summons a massive stage from beneath him and leaps into the air)
Exhibitionist: Stage Breaker!
(He riffs his guitar and plows through the stage, sending debris everywhere. All of these attacks are done at the same fast pace as the music playing, making this all extra chaotic)
Exhibitionist: You can't keep with this beat! I'm just too slick!
(He goes back to rapid individual charges. At some point he confronts Jo, Will and Anna at once. He quickly deflects the two guys' saber strikes before scattering them with an electric burst, then power slides toward Anna to fight her. As he's focused on her, Will runs up to try to cleave his head, but Exhibit crooks his head left to avoid the strike and backfists Will. As he reels back, the lightsaber manages to catch onto the Sansa player and rip it out of Exhibit's head and)
(Exhibitionist freezes, taken aback by the sudden silence. He straightens himself, noticing the darkness that surrounds him, the absence of persons. Then…)
Why did you do that?
How can you be so reckless?
Exhibitionist: Huh?
You just had to ruin this.
Exhibitionist: No. Oh no…
That's your grandmother you're talking about.
Disrespectful.
What's wrong with you? Go away!
Creep!
Exhibitionist: I, I didn't mean it. I was just, just having fun.
I thought you were a good guy.
I only see a perverted fool's perspective.
This is the best fail I have seen here ever.
Exhibition: That's not—
I suggest seeing a therapist and telling them about your kangaroo mutant fetish and male chauvinism.
Exhibition: That's not what I am! Just listen I, I didn't… Please, I'm sorry.
You're content with doing s***.
My son is a failure!
What is your malfunction, Nut?
Exhibition: You're not being fair
Did you even offer to go help her?
Selfish f***.
So disappointing.
Nothing about you matters.
Exhibit: Just stop, stop, stop
Despicable.
Worthless.
Just wasting time.
Never change.
Failure.
All that potential, wasted.
Unexplored.
Left to wither and die.
Like yourself.
Ex: No no no no no no stop stop stop stop please please
Coward
Weak
Indifferent
You fear effort
Below human
Wretched
Disgusting
Loser
Freak
Pervert
Sexist
Broken
Empty
Hollow
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
NOTHING
NOTHING
NOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHING
E: Stoooop! Please, Stop, Hating MEEEEEEEEE!
(Everything erupts in a mournful cry of light)
(The room is unchanged; the Jedi are still in the places they had been seconds before. Will is the first to notice what has become of Exhibitionist, who is on his knees mere feet away. His arms hang limply at his sides; his head staring vacantly up at the ceiling. The Embodiment, who only moments ago moved like lightning, has become emaciated in appearance, practically dried up of all life… save for the whimpers spouting from his cracked mouth, and the specks of tears coming from the corners of his sunken eyes. The sorrowful Embody stares at the ceiling for a while more before letting his head fall forward onto his chest. Excruciatingly, he lifts his head up slightly, just as his left hand brings up the neck of a busted acoustic guitar with only three strings intact. His eyes fall longingly on it, like a beloved stuffed animal, then slowly he brings his free hand to lazily pluck the surviving strings. This produces random, mournful notes, which bring about a fresh outpouring of tears and a quivering of lips from the wretch of a man)
Exhibitionist: If I lay here…
If I just, lay, here...
(He shuts his eyes and hunches forward before evaporating into somber applause. The Embodiment's passing leaves the room still and silent, to be broken by Entrepreneur as he walks past the speechless Jedi)
Entré: Music can motivate, empower. It can also help you forget negativities that hold you back. In that sense, it's akin to a drug. The higher you go, the nastier the inevitable crash will be. And what awaits in those depths isn't pretty.
(He rubs at his upper cheeks)
Sara: Are you okay?
Entré: Huh? Yeah, I am; all this electricity is messing with my eyes. (Shakes his hand and smiles) That's another one down, gang. A little bittersweet for me, since he had been a pretty cool guy all around. But as you saw, he didn't care for fair play. And like Demi, he just couldn't control himself in the end.
Will: No kidding.
Anna: Why did you ditch us when he went berserk? You helped us earlier.
Entré: Ex wasn't exaggerating about the repercussions for unnecessary involvement, so I gotta keep my assistance to a bare minimum. A switch here, a soul fusion there. But what's important is that you were the ones to deal the killing blow, or push them into offing themselves. And still no casualties on your side, on top of that.
Jo: Doesn't seem like a legitimate win, considering you literally stepped in to get Anna out of a bind.
Entré: True. But the whole "not being fair" stance runs both ways. And so long as I don't go easy on you when it's my turn to fight, that should balance it out.
Sara: About, uh, Ex, he said he was the soulful foundation to this place. Was he the one responsible for providing music for your organization?
Entré: Not at all; he was just blowing smoke out of his a**. While he did embody musical appreciation, he also represented the insecurities of the Master, and how He blots them out. Hence all the showboating, boasting, and relying on easy victories to boost his self-worth. And when he said he could read your skill levels, that was also a lie. It was your confidence levels he was seeing.
Squishy: Confidence?
Entré: Typically, your super insecure guy only feels better about himself in the presence of people he considers inferior, weaker. And by defeating them, he steadily builds up his own confidence. His plan was to bolster himself up in order to defeat the most confident among you. That being you, Squishy.
Squishy: Me?
Anna: Him?
Entré: You've been pretty quiet lately, but when you're backed into a corner you go all out. You've done it plenty times before, and Ex was aware of that. I wasn't kidding when I said he could have wiped you out, but you had him shaken. So he played it safe, and messed himself up as a result.
Cope: What about the rest of us?
Entré: Just easy pickings as far as he was concerned. Boy, was he wrong. It just shows not to underestimate you guys, even if you are mostly interchangeable.
Cope: Well thanks.
Jo: Swell backhanded compliment there.
Entré: A compliment's a compliment, my man. (Shrugs, then turns around) I'll just let you head out once more. (Walks away)
Sara: Wait Entré. All these Embodiments we're taking out, these essences of your Master. Aren't their absences affecting the rest of the organization in some negative way?
Entré: (Stops briefly) Aside from rousing the higher ups, not really. Frankly, I don't much care. (Walks again)
Cope: Well you should care: you're a part of it!
Entré: Just focus on yourselves. You defeated three of us, but the next set of Embodiments pull some actual weight in this place, so don't go taking it easy just yet. Catch ya later. (Leaps away)
Anna: And gone once again.
Will: Until we beat the next guy.
Jo: Then we shouldn't keep him waiting. And from what he hinted, we should be ready for even harder fights. You up for it, Squish?
Squishy: Of course!
Jo: The rest of you?
Sara: What kind of question is that?
Will: Always ready.
Jo: Good. Let's mosey.
(Together they head for the exit)
Exhibitionist
DEFEATED
(The Jedi make it halfway across the room when a sinister wind blows. As the room silently howls from the mystery gust, a spectral outline passes the Jedi group in a split second before they react to the wind)
Sara: Did anyone feel that? Where'd that wind come from?
(They turn around to see what's behind them)
Squishy: Maybe this room isn't well-insulated.
Jo: Probably. Let's just—
(He hushes upon turning around, for a tall man fully concealed in a black coat and hood is standing several yards away with his back to them)
Man?: He's been quite busy lately…
(His voice doesn't sound familiar to any of them)
Cope: Who are you?
Man?: Hm? (He turns to face him, his face obscured by shadow) Oh, I wasn't aware there were others here.
Cope: Answer the question: Are you an Embodiment?
Man?:...I'm actually more of a passerby, much like yourselves. I have no pressing engagements here, if that's what you're asking.
Anna: You can't just be "passing by" to wind up in here.
Man?: But I most certainly am, honest. Paying a quick visit, nothing more.
Squishy: So you're not somebody sent by the Master of this place?
Man?: (A pause) Is that that what he's calling himself now? (He pauses and begins to turn around) Tell me, travelers: What business do you have with this "Master"?
Jo: What's it matter to you? Maybe we're just paying a quick visit ourselves.
Man?: Doubtful. And you could be a little more polite, seeing how I've done no offense to you.
Will: Well popping out of nowhere is pretty offensive to us.
Anna: Easy, Will.
Jo: If you wanna know, he messed with the wrong people and we're going to set him straight.
Man?: Is that so? (His back toward them, the man raises his right hand up to his face and moves his gloved fingers idly) Those people must have been very dear to warrant this kind of visit.
Cope: You don't know the half of it.
Man?: However… (He lightly closes his hand as sparks appear over it) Now thinking about it...
(He spins around to face the Jedi with arm outstretched and fires a thin yellow beam from his fingertip)
Jo: Look out!
(They manage to dive forward before the beam passes them and detonates some distance away. The resulting blast propels the Jedi in different directions as the place is rocked by the explosion. Dust and bits of ceiling fall down, and after several seconds things stop shaking. The Jedi get up and take note of the neat crater where the blast had been, then they look at the man to see his arm still raised as the dust passes before him)
Man?: For you beings to be in a place like this… I am most intrigued.
Anna: What's your problem?! Huh?
(With the dust gone, they all can see minute splotches of dark energy making waves along the sides of his body. He lowers his arm)
Man?: To think his creations could make it here in one piece. (The dark waves get more prominent and ominous as "Disappeared" starts to play) I wonder what else they're capable of.
Will: Oh boy…
(As the air grows denser, the Jedi ready their saber hilts)
Monster?: I think I'll give you all a try. See what I can learn.
(Darkness spreads out from behind him and shoots outward. Suddenly Jo finds himself completely encased in a dome of black with no one else in sight. He looks around bewildered until the dark man rises, prompting him to strike out with his saber, only to hit vapor. It's then he sees the dozens of dark strands racing toward him, and can hardly pivot before they latch on. Things black out for some seconds before the darkness withdraws, revealing the coated figure standing over a prone unconscious Jo for the other Jedi to see)
Monster?: Foolish.
(He raises his head to spot Will and Cope coming right at him. Will gets to him first and attacks but the man bends and dodges as fast and slick as a shadow fleeing from a dangling light bulb. Ducking and sliding, he circles around to Will's back and commences striking with his fists super fast. Cope arrives as does Anna, and it's three on one but the figure remains elusive and quite expert with his movement and counters. Eventually he flash steps from the three toward Squishy, then flash steps back to deliver a kick at Cope, knocking him away some yards. He then zips over to Anna and fights her, at one point grabbing her arm to stop her saber strikes. Will takes this opportunity to deliver a back attack to the head, but his lightsaber is stopped by a solid red beam emitted from the Stranger's free hand. After the brief surprise, the specter spins to knock away the two, then dashes over to Cope to face him. Cope swings but it's in vain as the figure grabs one of his arms and twists it around into a painful hold. The man quickly follows up an uppercut that sends Cope soaring toward the ceiling. The man reappears midair to catch Cope, then spins around before tossing Cope to the ground and embedding him into the floor, leaving just his legs visible)
Rest: Holy S**t!
(The foe floats gracefully to the ground next to the implanted Cope with a laugh. After the pause, he disappears and reappears multiple times around Squishy, planting a glass-like light wall each time to form a box around the Jawa. Encased by the strange walls, Squishy bumps into one and gets jolted)
Monster?: Have fun in there.
(He flashes over to Will and goes one-on-one with him which ends with Will getting elbowed in the chest and sent sliding away. Anna starts running over to assist, but the man raises his hand, conjures a set of steely knives and tosses them at her. In an instant, Anna finds herself pinned to the far wall with knives embedded in multiple parts of her clothing, leaving her flustered and incapacitated. Sara looks at this with disbelief when the man appears right next to her and delivers a quick chop to the base of her neck, knocking her out. Seeing this, Will shouts and comes right the assailant)
Monster?: That's right: Give it your all.
(Will arrives and does give it his all, but again the enigma cannot be touched. After letting Will try a few more times the man begins dealing body blows with his hands to disorient Will, then leaping back a few yards the coated menace shoots forward to deliver a devastating angled palm ram to Will's face, sending him in an arc toward the ceiling where he bounces off hard and crumples onto the floor below. With Will out of the way, he turns to see the last standing Jedi finally break out of the light cage with his lightsaber)
Monster?: Good timing.
(Seeing the coated man, Squishy charges with saber at the ready, but the man disappears and reappears two feet before him, blocking his charge. After bumping off the foe's legs, Squishy feels a tight grip on his head as the man hefts him up like a basketball. The man looks him over as Squishy tries to shake loose)
Monster?: I think I'll have some fun with you.
(Throwing his arm back, the man tosses Squishy straight up into the air. The demon in black crouches and pulls back his arm for a super-charged punch as Squishy starts coming down. He releases an upward swing when suddenly)
Squishy: Luna Sault!
(Immediately the Jawa does an aerial flip that avoids the punch entirely, and coming back around he delivers a slash that forces his attacker to spring back. Landing some distance away, the man touches the gash in his coat's neck line. Meanwhile, Squishy is back on his feet and stares him down)
Monster?: There may be something with this one. (He cracks his knuckles) I'll have to be more serious.
(This time the man straight charges toward Squishy, who in turn readies for the attack. Halfway to Squishy the man leaps into the air while pulling back his fist, to which Squishy leaps backwards to avoid the attack. The impact of the man's fist causes the floor to spike up, including the section Squishy lands on, knocking him into the air. Squishy catches sight of the figure jumping up to him while readying an aerial heel drop. Squishy orients around and raises an arm to take the hit, which drops him hard onto the floor. Left arm insanely sore, the Jawa doesn't have time to recover as the menace runs at him with a red beam jutting from his palm. Squishy works his good arm to deflect the strikes as his opponent brings out a second beam weapon with his left hand, doubling the onslaught. After a furious display of lightsaber-ship the man raises a foot to catch Squishy's right wrist that once more propels the little guy into the air, only to be met with a fist to the chest. Soaring helplessly and in pain, Squishy still doesn't catch a break as the enemy appears close by to deliver a roundhouse kick to the back that sends him skidding face down along the floor. Squishy breathes hard and struggles to get up, but once more the coated fiend is there to greet him, this time by grabbing his robe and throwing him straight up into the air. The beatdown continues as the man repeatedly appears to punch or kick him further up, until finally the man grabs the back of Squishy and slams him back down. After a moment, the man holds up and gazes upon the battered Jawa)
Monster?: Disappointing.
(He releases Squishy only to deliver a turning heel drop on him. The Jedi hits the floor hard and bounces a few feet before ending up on his back, coughing in pain)
Monster?: That earlier reaction had to have been a fluke. As to be expected: just ordinary fabrications.
(Squishy painfully musters his strength to prop himself on his elbows)
Squishy: (Cough) Who… who are… you… (Cough)
(The figure stares down at him a moment before answering)
Monster?: If you must know, just think of me as a…
(He stops, for he just noticed something on his left hand. Specifically, his fingertips are fading)
Monster?: What..?
(He brings up his other hand and sees the same thing is happening. His extremities, his clothes, they're fading and blowing away like dust, much to the agonized Squishy's confusion)
Man?: Is this…? Has that much time already passed?
(He lowers his arms slightly, as well as his head)
Man?: So He's finally forgiven himself… Hmph. Good for him.
(The stranger chuckles as his hood blows away, revealing a tall boyish face topped with short, thick, messy black hair that's beginning to fade as well)
Squishy: What… What's happening…?
(The man smiles, almost sadly, before he looks back gently down upon the Jawa)
Man?: Guess this makes me a… fading Memory...
(Squishy finally passes out as the man dissolves completely into a swirl of light particles, leaving behind a room of fallen warriors and one thoroughly confused Anna still pinned to the wall, who much like her companions, is in no state of mind to talk. No sirree)
To Be Continued...
