A/N: Ew. Exposition scenes are so boring to write so that's why I took an inexcusably long time. I promise the next chapter will be more fun! Yes, yes, there is at least another!


"When did you last 'ave it?" Captain Sparrow asked, trying to suppress a terribly impolite belch.

"I put it in my hat, I'm certain of it," said Mr Wonka.

"Did you take it off, or did it ever fall off?" Ichabod tipped.

The recognisable gleam in the chocolatier's eyes happened once more. He exchanged glances with Edward who also looked as though he were sorting through his memory.

"Got it!" William cried, snapping his fingers, or rather – squeaking them. "The Oompa Loompa chute."

"Shoot what?" Jack mumbled.

Mr Wonka hurried over to the plug in the grass that he and the boy had used to escape the now docile horseman.

"We better search the whole tunnel, case it got stuck on the way down, 'kay?" he grinned, looking expectantly at the others.


Some time later the revellers had sobered enough to think, speak and even walk. Jack, Mort and Ichabod were to be found forming a chain between the Chocolate Room and the chamber below, having had no luck in locating the piece of candy.

"I've 'eard of people seein' pink elephants when they're drunk but this just takes the biscuit," the pirate shouted from the bottom of the line.

He screwed up his face as a sheep started to lick his nose.

"Can ya see anything yet, Mr Sparrow?" Mr Wonka called.

"Nah…oh wait, 'ang on. There's something stuck on one of the muttons. Can't reach it."

Sure enough, one of the pink sheep amongst the herd sported a pretty blue blob in the wool of its flank.

"I don't 'ave anything to entice it over with. Ideas wouldn't go amiss, and quickly if you don't mind. My stomach's reigning 'avoc."

Before William could give a warning, Ichabod had reached up from his position at the head of the chain, grabbed a clump of sugar grass and dropped it down the chute. Jack opened his eyes after being coated with a shower of green candy blades. All the sheep had turned to stare at him. There was something oddly crazed about their suddenly different mood.

"Not…good…" Sparrow said, swallowing.

The others cringed at the sound of a stampede. After a few moments of hearing the pirate yelp incomprehensibly, the words "PULL ME UP!" echoed through the tunnel. The line heaved back up and brought with it a ruffled but unharmed Jack, lollipop in hand.

"I do congratulate you, Mr Sparrow, well done!" Wonka commended, instantly snatching the trophy from Jack's up-stretched arm.

"You're welcome," Jack smirked in distaste. "But pray tell a man, couldn't you have sent a bunch of your little worker people to save us all the trouble?"

"Nonsense," said William, but didn't explain why.

All eyes followed the chocolatier as he wandered back towards his machine, peeling off strands of wool from the candy in his hands.

"What happens now?" asked Mort.

"Presumably I just have to reverse the process with which my invention brought you here," Mr Wonka replied. "Reversal is straightforward, only…I'm gonna need a vague idea of what happened to have a clue how to send ya back. Then there's the anomaly of the horseman. He doesn't even look like me…at least, I assume he doesn't…not that I can tell without his head being there an' all. Anyways, he can't look like me 'cause he comes from Mr Crane's world, so -." He broke off at the collection of blank stares he was getting. "Um, yeah, I need to know how he got here too."

The companions crowded around the softly humming machine, each lost in their own worlds of thought whether they had an idea or were merely playing the part of almost innocent bystanders.

"Wait," Ichabod said eventually. "Could my pistol have something to do with the horseman's appearance? It wasn't until after Mr Sparrow mistakenly threw it at the machine that the Hessian was brought here."

"It does seem likely," William agreed, "but I can't see how such an item managed to start the machine up. Unless…aha!"

"What?"

"Some of the inner workings of my machine had to have practically biological parts. See, I needed it to be both intuitive and sensitive in order to make contact across the multiverse. It's possible I designed it with the ability to detect emotions or even react individually to whatever is placed in the chamber. When the horseman got here, only the gun was in the chamber. The lollipop wasn't there to bring back more than one possibility and since the gun is not a living entity, I can only assume the machine searched for the closest connection to the object in its chamber."

Ichabod frowned.

"Pardon my doubt but I don't quite see what my pistol has got to do with the horseman. I haven't faced him before and the weapon has only ever been mine, so where is the link?"

"Fear."

Everyone turned to Jack, surprise etched on their faces.

"Would ya mind explaining, sir?" Mr Wonka asked.

"O'course," said the pirate. "You're saying that this machine reads emotions, so would it not make sense that the closest connection to Mr Crane's pistol would be the particular emotion associated with said object? What I'm saying is that the fear our constable here has for the horseman is of a similar measure to that which he holds for his own weapon. Savvy?"

William cheered immensely.

"So my machine read the emotion of fear off the gun and then nabbed the closest thing that scared Mr Crane at the time of his arrival? Neat-o."

"Now hold on a moment, I'm not frightened of my own pistol," Ichabod scoffed.

Before anyone could stop him, Sparrow jumped forward and pulled the constable's gun from its holster. He rested the barrel on the tip of Crane's nose.

"I'm sorry, Bodders, I think the chocolate maker's deafness is rubbing off on me. What was it you were saying?"

"I-I'm n-not afraid o-of my-."

Constable Crane broke off, unable to hide the fact his legs were trembling.

"Don't you worry, mate." Jack smiled as he dropped his arm and offered the weapon back. "You're braver'n you think. Any law-abiding man who doesn't feel faint when confronted with an ungainly-looking gunman is probably already flat on 'is back. That's where my appearances can be deceiving. I never miss the mark."

Mr Wonka snatched the gun from the pirate's open palm and moved to place it in the small compartment in the side of the machine. His fingers danced across a panel of flashing buttons then he tugged on a lever that looked suspiciously like the top of a pogo stick. The metal arms on the top of the contraption began to rise and fall, sending their dinner-plate discs into their spinning routine – now in the opposite direction.

The chocolatier turned to his baffled guests with his hands clasped.

"All right, people. Let's bring that horseman on over here pronto and we'll get sending you all home!"