Revy...

That fucking outsider. What the hell did he know?

She and Dutch had just completed a job off the coast and were returning to Roanapurr; ETA forty minutes. Normally, these kinds of boat rides were little nuggets of R&R for her ragged nerves, but her thoughts were in chaos, so much so that they almost drowned out the lulling roar of the engine and water as the Torpedo boat sliced easily through the current. From her vantage point on the deck, she could see everything that the South China Sea had to offer; an unbounded horizon, crystal blue waters, the smell of salty winds blowing in her face, yet she couldn't appreciate any of it.

Earlier, while she was in the galley, she felt like she was going to explode all over the place, frustration riding her to the point that she wanted to rip her hair out. It wasn't like the delivery wasn't a success. The shipment had been signed and paid for without a hitch, and she even got a handsome bonus too.

She let out a huff. "Fucking fuck."

From behind his shades, Dutch looked over at her wordlessly, an analytical look on his face.

"What?" She growled at him.

He pursed his lips before saying, "I'm guessing that it's none of my business, whatever It is,"

She'd fixed him with a withering glare, "And what do you know?"

"Nothing. You're just humming with so much tension, I can feel it from here."

With Dutch, she couldn't be sure about what he knew or not. Deciding that she didn't want to be under his critical eyes for much longer, Revy went up on deck for air hoping to cool her head and the...uh...rest of her.

Leaning on the railing, she pulled out a cigarette pack from her pocket, the box was wrinkled, but the contents were secured. Popping one in her mouth then flicking her lighter, she shields the flame from the enthusiastic winds and sea spray with her cupped palm as she burned the cigarette end, watching it glow red while she sucked in nicotine goodness then exhaled.

She waited for the calm to take over. And waited.

"Damn that fucking bastard!" She screamed, kicking the closest thing to her with her booted foot, and it clanged in protest. How dare he do this to her? He'd made her feel things that she'd long believed that she was over, unable to process emotionally much more physical, but he's re-introduced them to her somehow not once, not even twice.

I'd never, ever hurt you. Ever!

Was she supposed to believe that?

Yeah, right. That's right up there with God was real, and life's a box of fucking chocolates. Though she was never fully educated academically-her father used any welfare money they got from the state to buy boozes and porn mags. She was street-savvy, looked at the world and people in the opposite way others living in safe bubbles could never fathom. There was no good in anyone. If someone can have power over you, they'll use it to control and fuck you over. Insects crawling in the dirt never pick fights with big boots, but the people wearing big boots always like to listen to the sound of crunching as they crush the life out of the helpless cock-roach unfortunate enough to be in their sights.

It's just the way it was.

I won't take your abuse any longer because you can dish it.

"The fuck you won't."

She could admit to herself that she was more than just a little sadistic, and after that night with Rock, she really wanted to hurt him for what he's done to her. She was still trying to figure out why the hell she broke into his hotel room in the first place.

"That's what you get for looking for company," She chides to herself, "When will you learn, you're always better off on your own?"

This 'little' victory Rock had over her was like an acid trip to her pride and if word got out; her reputation. But Rock wasn't the type to talk, she knew that, and maybe that's the reason why she found herself picking the lock to his door. Still, it unsettled her that Rock, even in her injured state, was able to maneuver her as he did. She was completely immobile from that little stunt he pulled, and what was more humiliating? He didn't act as she'd expected. He changed the status quo. Men, no matter what nice act they put on, always wanted to feel powerful over women. Her father had beaten her and her mother to make them feel powerless until the day her mother was no longer there, and he had one less beating stick to wail on. Plus, she'd seen the same cycle too many times to believe otherwise.

Then why didn't he take advantage? Again, this was grueling to think about. She always knew that men wanted her because she was sexy. Around Roanapurr, Revy was some kind-of fantasy conquest for fuck-freaks to notch on their bedpost, yet any man careless enough to put his hands on her just bought himself a one-way ticket to hell. Expressway, of course. Men were always either intrigued by powerful women or afraid of them. Personally, she preferred the latter.

In the case of Rock, she didn't know what to make of his behavior. Was he a queer or something? No, he didn't fit the type to her, but you never know.

Sure, one time she thought that he was innocent, unchanged by the hell that is Roanapurr and this world of shit on a whole, with his ideals, and talks of morality and she wanted to preserve that to the point that she found herself needing that light from him to see herself through her darkness. But a few months ago in Japan, while Balaika had her gun to his head, she saw something in him then, something she didn't want to acknowledge, but then it popped up again, three months ago, that same darkness within him that she had in herself and she hated it. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to hurt him for-for failing and pretending that he was still the same person he was. The same person she wanted him to be.

Why was she in his hotel room two nights ago? "Because I'm tired of his bullshit. This, this pretense from him"

And yes, fucking yes, she wanted to see the moment he fell into the pit, to see the moment when his goddamn mask cracks and shatters before her.

"Aaah! That fucking hypocrite!"

It would have been easy to keep me pinned as he rips down my shorts and-

The thought threatened the horrors she barely kept at bay, and she gave a hard shake of her head as if to pull herself back into reality, less she started putting holes in Dutch's ship. Fuck, she was angry, and she had no outlet to wail on! No Rock here to punch in the face like he deserved to be.

When she slid down slowly to the floor of the deck, her back still against the rail she thought- Fitting. That's always been my life.

Rock eluded to having something like that too, but she couldn't relate because all she could feel was her pain, and that burden has always been the one enemy she was still fighting. Still, losing to.

She couldn't afford sentimentally in this world as Rock can, but just like everyone else, even Rock wasn't completely immune.

Why was she in his hotel room?

"Fess up Revy, you stupid cunt." She confronted herself as she lit up another cigarette and sucked on it hard and long until her chest bowed before freeing the smoke through her nose.

Yet, she dare not say the words out loud because that would mean that she was a fucking idiot, and worse, that would make her the fucking idiot that got rejected.

Her realization had her bitting down on her cigarette butt,

"That little pussy, the next time I see him, I'm going to give him an eye shiner to match his stupid hair!"