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CHAPTER 2: Religious Differences
Gwen, Ben, and Grampa are on the road once again. Grampa is running on 100 cups of coffee and 50 pep pills.
"Grampa, I think you should cut down on the pep pills and coffee," Gwen advised.
"NEVER!" He shouted, and then gulped down another cup of coffee. Gwen sighed and returned to sit next to Ben at the table.
"So as I was saying, Gwennie, I'm celebrating Christmas," he said as she sat down.
"No freakin way! You got Christmas last year! No way am I getting stuck with frickin Kwanzaa again!"
"Oh, come on! A little Jewishness never hurt anyone!"
"Chanukah is the Jewish holiday, not Kwanzaa, retard. And anyways-"
"Gwen! Ben!" shouted Grampa. "If you guys don't stop arguing, I'll be celebrating your Easter Sundays!"
"Uh, Grampa..." said Gwen, "If that was meant as a death threat, aside from being really obscure, it's misleading. Jesus was resurrected on Easter, not killed. Perhaps you meant Maundy Thursday?"
"Oh, shut up. Go celebrate Kwanzaa, you Jewish Vixen."
"KWANZAA ISN'T JEWISH! AND NEITHER AM I!" Upset, Gwen jumped up and sat on the other side of the RV.
"Hahaha, nice try Gwen, but I can still talk to you from here," mocked Ben. Gwen pouted and turned the other way. Suddenly sympathetic, Ben frowned. He decided to cheer her up, so he walked over to Gwen and smiled at her. "Ok, ok. You can celebrate Chanukah if you want. I'll celebrate Christmas."
Gwen looked at him like he was retarded.
"You're retarded," she stated.
"Yes, but at least I'm not Jewish." Gwen picked up a fork and hurtled it at Ben's head. Ben quickly dodged out of the way and chuckled. "Now, now, Gwen."
"If you're going to say something else about me being Jewish, I'm throwing a knife at you." Ben frowned.
"You're no fun," he pouted, and stomped to the back of the RV. Gwen sighed. Ever since she started going out with Ben she felt miserable. She wished she could go to Grampa for comfort. In fact, she went to Grampa for comfort right after Ben stomped away.
"Grampa, I need to be comforted. I hate Ben, but he won't leave me alone."
"Wellyouknowwhatthat'sreallyreallyinterestingyouknowyoushouldtellmemorebutidon'tw
anttostoptalkingbecauseI'mafraidthatifIstoptalkingI'mgonnahaveaheartattackorsomethingofthatsortsoI'lljustquietlyhumdodododowhileyourtellingmeallaboutyourproblemsokayokaydodododododododododo..." Gwen was pretty sure all of that was said in 10 seconds. She told him more anyways, trying to avoid the 'dododos' droning in the background.
"Well, it's not that I hate Ben. Or that I don't want to hurt him, because I could beat him to a pulp if I felt like it. I just don't want him getting suspicious of us."
"WellyouknowwhatIwoulddoIwould..." Grampa pondered. Then he realized he stopped
talking. Sure enough, he had a heart attack.
"GRAMPA!" Gwen screeched. Ben burst out of the room he was crying in and rushed up to Gwen.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Grampa had a heart attack! AND WE'RE SWERVING OUT OF CONTROL!"
