Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. Not making any money of this. Love the idea of Ed and Roy. Please leave me a review if you like the story.
Author's Note: been getting loads of questions (Much joy! Keep 'em coming!) and decided it wasn't a bad time to answer a few of them, so Q&A stuff is down at the bottom. Other stuff…we've broken the 11,800 mark for hits and the 160 mark for reviews in under a month. Wow. I am thrilled, and grateful, and humbled, all at once. In true Oscar weekend spirit, I'd like to thank all the wonderful reviewers and readers, my father, my mother, my brother, my sister, my extended family, my high-school English/literature teacher (for real, he was an awesome influence and a real grammar fiend – any errors herein are mine and not his), my classmates, colleagues, neighbours, friends, enemies, acquaintances, their third cousins thrice removed, my uncle's roommate's sister's brother-in-law's cat….
Here's to equivalent exchange! Much love and gratitude - NF.
Chapter 17: Aspects of Love
The golden-haired man in the distinctive red coat hummed contently to himself as he jogged across the irregularly defined parade square in the middle of the mass of tents, licking his fingers clean and dusting the crumbs off his shirt front. He'd made a quick stop at the mess tent, hoping to find Al and also to nab a sticky bun that was now giving him a pleasant buzz on top of the coffee. An awestruck private had volunteered that he thought Major Alphonse Elric might have gone to visit some of the wounded in post-op, and thusly had Auric turned his footsteps, after kindly transmuting the vat of drain-coloured water masquerading as tea – or cocoa, it was never made quite clear which - into coffee, thereby earning the adoration of the men, which was always good for the ego, if a tad anathema to Auric's preference for a low profile. It didn't take much to make some people happy, he thought philosophically, and alchemy was actually proving to be rather fun. Although he wasn't quite ready to take on anything beyond simple transmutations yet.
He'd also managed to imply that the suggestion had percolated down from General Mustang, which would certainly be good for Roy's reputation as a caring and farsighted leader who could be counted upon to take care of his men in matters both large and small and would certainly go a surprisingly long way towards generating the sort of popular goodwill he would need to rise to Fuhrer. Which event would effectively terminate the contract, its purpose having been satisfied. Which would remove the restriction imposed by Auric's conscience with regards to the Guild rule about not establishing personal relationships with clients. Which therefore incentivised Auric to ensure the contract was completed as soon as possible so that he could find out if Mustang's hands were as good at…other things as they were at braiding hair. Mmm. He dragged his mind out of the gutter with an effort. Yes, a decent morning's work so far.
Auric snorted in amusement as he caught himself analysing and dissecting his own ulterior motives; you could take the Gatekeeper out of the Guild, but apparently not the Guild out of the Gatekeeper, it seemed. But then if Al's stories and Ed's old reports were to be believed, Ed had come up with a few similarly devious plans in the past, so perhaps it was just a natural-born talent for intrigue. The Fullmetal Alchemist's legendary impatience not withstanding, Auric rather had the feeling that his previous identity had been one of those people for whom things came easily, including penetrating or devising subterfuges, should he choose to put his mind to it - that affair with the gold and the deed to the mining town, for instance. The Gatekeeper chuckled to himself – he was starting to become very fond of Ed. There were worse people to have been.
Jean Havoc lay on his stomach and eyed the long aisle running down the post-op ward stealthily. Not a nurse in sight, and Riza had left to attend General Mustang's staff meeting. Excellent. He carefully reached for the pack of cigarettes and matchbook he had stashed under the mattress after scrounging it from one of the orderlies. Tapping the pack against his palm until one slender stick slid out, he smiled in satisfaction as he raised the cigarette to his lips…only to find it suddenly being whisked away by an annoyed looking blonde. And it wasn't even the one with the boobs.
Auric glared irritably at his sometime subordinate. "For crying out loud, this is a hospital ward, Havoc. You are not lighting up here."
Havoc fell limply back facedown into the pillows. "Come on, boss, have a heart! I'm going crazy here!" He lifted his head again. "It's bad enough I have to lie on my stomach thanks to those damned holes that Homunculus put in my back, but now they want to take my smokes? It's cruel and unusual punishment, is what it is!"
"What better time to quit?" responded Auric unsympathetically. "It's a nasty habit anyway – you should drop it if you really want a chance with Captain Hawkeye."
"Nah, I think she's already fallen for my rakish charm," Havoc said blithely. Then his brow furrowed. "Hey boss…does that mean you remember being Auric?"
The reminder that Havoc – and likely everyone else in Roy's inner circle apart from Maes and Al - believed he was Ed jolted Auric for a second, even as he reprimanded himself for forgetting momentarily that he had a role to play. He had worked with these people for only a short while, but he had gotten to know, and respect, and even like them, and he had hoped the sentiment was mutual. Were they so keen to be rid of him and get Ed back then? "Um. Sure. Kind of. Why?"
"I dunno. I guess I wanted to thank him for his advice with Riza, and I was worried that I never got to. But if you remember what he said, then I suppose thanking you would be the same thing. That's great that you haven't lost your memories as him, boss, he was a pretty good guy. Not that it's not wonderful to have you back, of course," Havoc added hurriedly, "the General's missed having you to yell at, he takes it out on me and Fury instead, but it ain't the same thing."
Auric grunted ambivalently. "Bastard General, we'll see who's yelling at whom. So you liked him then?"
"Sure, he was cool. Had a temper like yours sometimes, but he was a little better at controlling it, is all. Although you seem…different, boss. Calmer now, less grumpy. Guess it has to do with achieving your goal of getting Al's body back, huh?"
"Four years is plenty of time to mature," said Auric wearily, certain he'd had a similar conversation with Mustang before. Had he really been such a hot-head in the past?
Havoc shrugged as best he could with the bandages wrapped around him and the multiple IVs in his arm. "Hey, do you remember how to fight like Auric? And how'd you get your memories back anyway?"
Opting to gloss over the second question, the Gatekeeper raised his eyebrows disbelievingly. "You missed the entire thing with the Fuhrer?"
"Sorry chief…I heard it was really impressive, and that you disintegrated him at the end! Guess your alchemy hasn't suffered from not being used for four years. But I didn't see a thing, sorry…was kinda busy being nobly wounded in the Captain's arms, if you know what I mean," winked Havoc.
Auric sighed, but a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth as he shook his head at the irrepressible Lieutenant. "Get some rest, Havoc. And if you so much as think about lighting up, I'll tell Hawkeye on you. Congratulations, by the way – now don't do anything stupid to lose her."
Havoc smiled wistfully. "The only way that could happen would be for the General to change his mind." A pair of golden irises flicked up to meet his gaze, and he frowned at the enigmatic look in them. "What?"
"Firstly, have more faith in Riza. She doesn't take her decisions lightly," was the calm reply. "And secondly…don't worry about the General changing his mind."
The wounded man blinked. "Why not? He's done it before, just to annoy me."
A half-amused growl. "Yeah, he can be a real asshole – believe me, I know - but he's not a cheat. Especially when he knows the person he'd be cheating on wouldn't hesitate to hurt him. Permanently." And Auric allowed himself a flash of fang as his eyes glinted dangerously.
The older man's mouth dropped open so far he thought he'd dislocate his jaw. And then a huge grin split his face. "Did I ever tell you that I love you, boss? No, wait, better make that deeply respect and admire – Mustang would toast me if he thought I was hitting on you. Actually, I think I speak for all the men of Amestris when I say that you have my eternal gratitude! I can't believe it! I mean, I know he swings either way, but…wow! When? Before? Have you – no, on second thought, I don't want to know! But…wow! The Flame and the Fullmetal – the Dynamic Duo! Who would have thought…and…wow!" Havoc knew he was treading on dangerous ground as tawny eyes narrowed and the colour rose in the blonde man's cheeks. He pointed hastily to the IV in his arm. "Come on, boss, you know you couldn't hurt a drugged-up invalid!" he smirked.
"I could try," was the ominous response.
"Aw, there's no need to be embarrassed, chief! I'm happy for you – and me!" Havoc gurgled giddily, and Auric made a mental note to check with the nurses as to the dosage of morphine Havoc was receiving; it seemed…excessive. "It's actually kinda romantic, you know…you: returning, not knowing who he is; him: not telling you, wanting to let you be free as he suffers in silence; you: finally remembering who you are in order to save his life…" he trailed off dreamily. "I wonder what sorts of stories people will tell about me and Riza?"
Auric twitched, rolled his eyes and turned to leave. "Spare me, Lieutenant; you're starting to sound like Major Armstrong. And I'd quit while you're ahead," he advised over his shoulder. "Or having Hawkeye use you for target practice will seem like a nice walk in the park next to what I'll do to you." A thought struck him, and he turned back to face the still idiotically grinning Havoc. "Say, have you seen Al? I came here to look for him."
"Al? Sure, he was here," agreed Havoc, his manic expression fading. "But boss…Al left with you fifteen minutes ago. Did you lose him or something?"
Their eyes locked in fearful comprehension. And then Auric was racing out of the ward as Havoc yelled for the MPs at the door.
Roy leaned back in his chair and stared up at the undistinguished green canvas of the tent that currently served as his office and living quarters as a nervous Colonel droned on about various logistical details. What had seemed roomy with just Auric and himself in it was becoming positively claustrophobic with his much-expanded staff squeezed in and sitting on whatever available surfaces there were. No help for it though, as the largest tents had been commandeered on his orders for more essential purposes like housing the wounded and feeding the men. He knew there were a number of very annoyed officers out there at the moment, but frankly, he couldn't care less at this point. How some of those pompous, selfish excuses for leaders of men had made it this far up the ladder was beyond him – he considered their eviction from the palatial quarters they had been occupying in the middle of a war zone without thought as to the welfare of the troops a first small step towards changing things for the better. His eyes glazed over as he began to sort through the various political intrigues he was manipulating at a distance back in Central.
From her awkward perch with pen and paper on a box mysteriously labelled "General Stores", Hawkeye looked affectionately at her CO as he lounged back, steepling his fingers before his face and assuming the negligent attitude that had lulled lesser men into the complacent thought that Roy Mustang was bored, or uninterested, or simply daydreaming, when the truth was that he was simply quite capable of delegating part of his mind to the task of listening and sifting through incoming information for anything important while the rest of him was engaging in abstract planning. Anyone who thought they could take advantage of the seemingly distracted General was very quickly put in their place, and few ever made the same mistake twice. She supposed that casual attitude that belied a fierce intellect and will was part of what she loved about the man.
Loved?
Yes. But she wasn't in love. Once again Auric had displayed that damnable talent for seeing through the heart of things to the one truth. He had stated that she loved the General, and that was entirely true. Riza Hawkeye was not a sentimental woman, and now that she had cleared her mind of the fog of want in that cathartic purge of weeping, she finally understood that she had confused her love of who he was to her with being in love. Oh, she cherished him greatly as a person, and she still believed in his dreams, and admired his strength, and allowed herself to be led by him. She always would. And Roy had understood that, had appreciated her friendship and respected her courage, and had willingly taken up the heavy burden that it to was to lead. Unlike her, however, he had never confused that with being in love. That state where you loved the person not for their strengths, and not in spite of their flaws, but because of who they were, because of the weaknesses and foibles which made them human, that state where you were willing to face down the other's demons and to let them face yours – that was being in love. And while a small part of her wished Roy could be that person to her – a wish shared with most of the single female population of Amestris, she knew she wasn't capable of taking on his demons, which were particularly vicious and would make even the strongest of men quail. She needed him to be the Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang, the handsome, arrogant, charismatic leader of men that he was, who made her believe the world could be changed for the better through their efforts. And she would always be grateful to him that he had never once complained about the weight of those expectations or allowed her to see him drop them. She loved him for it. But she wasn't in love with him, nor he with her.
She knew who the object of his affections was though. And because she loved him, she hoped that person was in love too. If anyone could use some saving from their own demons, it was the Flame and the Fullmetal. For Roy's sake, she was very glad Ed had come back. Although she hoped Auric hadn't completely gone – she'd never really thanked him for opening her eyes and freeing her from the prison she'd put herself in. Funny how someone who professed a detachment from emotional ties outside his Guild could be so good at navigating the space between others. The clarity of distance combined with Ed's innate capacity for empathy and compassion, she supposed. Not that he'd ever really made the General the beneficiary of those sentiments – or maybe he'd just had a unique way of expressing them. Come to think of it, the General's sarcasm probably fell into that category too.
"I believe the 101st has moved west, Colonel Schmidt, not east? Or have our compasses all spontaneously reversed polarity?" General Mustang had neither opened his eyes nor raised his voice, but the tone he used made the already nervous Colonel drop the report he was reading from. He scrambled to pick it up, dropping more papers in the process, but was saved from further mortification by the sudden entrance of a panicked sergeant.
"Beg pardon for the intrusion, General Mustang, sir!" the non-com gasped as he attempted to come to attention, remove his helmet and get off a salute in the limited space available to him, surrounded on all sides as he was by officers.
Roy's eyes snapped opened and he was on his feet in a trice, all appearance of lethargy gone in an instant as he acknowledged the unfeigned tension in the man's voice. "What is it, Sergeant?"
"It's Major Elric, sir! He's disappeared, and we think the Homunculi lured him away. And the Fullmetal Alchemist's gone after him alone, sir!"
A deafening silence descended on the meeting. It was broken a second later by frenzied yelling as the officers raised their voices with suggestions, each trying to get the General's attention. And then a deafening silence fell again as the General sent a lick of flame into the air inches above their heads. They all stared at him mutely. Roy fixed them with a cool look, then rapped out, "Double the sentries around the main camp. Reissue the signs and countersigns, and they are to shoot to kill immediately if the answers are unsatisfactory, regardless of who the person appears to be, is that clear?" Nods all around. "Brigadier Hughes, I'm leaving you in command here. I'd speed up the evacuation of the wounded as much as possible."
"Where are you going, sir?" Hughes asked urgently.
Roy gave him a warning look. "I'm going to take a search party and go after Fullmetal and Al."
"With all due respect, sir…" his friend began, and Roy cut him off, knowing what he was going to say, knowing he was right intellectually and yet knowing on a completely different level that Maes was wrong.
"The Homunculi are our most immediate threat, Hughes. If we don't take care of this now, the chaos and carnage they could wreak with the help of their allies would be devastating, not just here but all over the country. It could throw us into civil war. And we simply cannot afford to lose more alchemists – we've already lost a whole generation, practically, in this damned war, and we'll need them to help us rebuild Amestris."
"Roy…" You're rationalizing this, Maes's glare seemed to say. "Fullmetal is quite capable of defending himself, as is the Earth Moving Alchemist, sir. As it stands now, with the Fuhrer dead, you're too important to endanger in this manner, sir." He loved the two boys dearly, almost as much as he loved Alicia, but he also had a job to do as XO, and on the top of the list of things an XO was responsible for was the safety of his CO. Especially knowing that said CO was likely having trouble being objective in this situation.
"Against one Homunculus, yes. But we don't know how many are left out there. We know Lust and Envy are still alive, and perhaps Wrath and Sloth. Two-to-one odds aren't great when you're fighting soulless creatures, Brigadier. And while I appreciate the concern, I am still, first and foremost, a State Alchemist. The Human Artillery: what the military brings out when all other methods have failed, remember? I think this situation qualifies." Roy was already buttoning up his jacket and the other officers who had been watching this little by-play open-mouthed hastily followed suit. "Gentlemen, you have your orders. Major Armstrong, stay here, assemble the other alchemists and fortify the camp's defences. Captain Hawkeye, you…."
"I'm coming with you, sir," she interrupted firmly. "State Alchemist or not, someone has to watch your back." She met his gaze steadily as she picked up her rifle and patted down her pockets for spare ammunition. "I wouldn't want to have to deal with the paperwork if you got yourself killed. Sir." That earned her a sardonic look, but he made no further comment, merely nodded.
"Let's go."
Answers to some questions I have received:
1) What theme song would you envision for this story/Roy & Ed's relationship if this were an actual anime? (very interesting question, I hadn't really thought about it despite the musical allusions in Chapters 10 and 15)
Theme Song: sticking to canon, I think it would have to be the fourth opening theme song, "Rewrite" by Asian Kung-Fu Generation – I love the opening chords, and the mood swings between the fatalistic insouciance of the main line and the sudden amp up in the chorus. Otherwise, Edward Elric's seiyuu Paku Romi sings this great song, "Jiri," ("Reason") in character as Tao Ren in the anime Shaman King (who in some ways is very much like Ed in terms of personality!), and that's very cool too, especially the chorus.
Relationship Song: "Spin" by Lifehouse. Awesome song. And again, the theme of needing to let go and just give in, and about letting someone be your anchor in a crazy world. Yes, I am a little obsessed with the dichotomy of letting go in order to attain what you seek.
2) Where did this plot bunny come from?
A single scene which literally popped into my head, the end of Chapter 5 when Roy and Ed meet again for the first time in four years. And then I thought, "What if Ed didn't remember Roy? How would Roy feel?" And it sort of took off from there.
3) Why are there no explicit scenes?
Because this is rated T for a reason, and there are plenty of writers out there who do explicit far more beautifully than I. Which is not to say I'll never do an M-rated fic, just that it won't be happening in this story! Fluff and tenderness and teasing and wanting and allusion and emotion and swearing, yes. Graphic descriptions, no. Sorry.
4) Who will Roy wind up with, Auric or Ed?
Don't know for sure yet. Sorry. But I'm guessing a bit of both. Those of you who have been reading from the beginning know that this story pretty much has a life of its own and does what it wants. We're nowhere near where I thought we would be when I started writing this, but at least (judging from all your lovely reviews) the ride's been interesting for everyone!
5) When will you get back to your other in-progress fic for Shaman King?
Gomen nasai! I know, I know, I actually started "Do You Believe In Destiny?" before "Full Circle." And I don't believe in doing things by halves, so rest assured that I will continue it at some point. But for right now, I can only keep one storyline straight in my head, and for some reason the need to know how all this will work out – for Auric, for Ed, for Roy – is overwhelming. The details of the next chapter only start to put themselves together after the previous chapter is finished, so I'm as much in the dark as anyone else as to where this will all end, which is probably why I'm so determined to get this written! Not knowing the ending kills me!
Thanks again! -NF.
