1CHAPTER 5: Seung Mina Is Not an Option
"VILGAX?" Ben shouted. "We thought you was dead!"
"Evil never dies, young and impertinent one," said Vilgax. "However, I have not come to destroy you. I am here to profess my love to the red-headed one."
"Good lord!" exclaimed Gwen, who was getting quite tired of having people and aliens professing their love for her. "Why don't you make yourself useful and put out the fire that's currently consuming our RV?"
"Of course, beautiful one," Vilgax replied. "Lead me to the vehicle."
Back at the RV, Grampa was having absolutely no luck trying to blow the fire out. He also tried fanning it, but that actually seemed to make it worse. He tried the fire extinguisher, but he aimed the wrong way and sprayed himself in the face. He was still wiping his eyes when the group returned.
"VILGAX?" Grampa shouted. "We thought you was dead!"
"Evil never dies, old and impertinent one," said Vilgax. "However, I have not come to destroy you. I am here to profess my-"
"Shut up and put the fire out!" Gwen interrupted.
"Certainly, my love. But how?"
"I don't know...we were trying to get water but it was more like mud..."
"Hey, where's the bathroom?" Kevin interrupted. "I got to go bad."
"In the back of the RV, which is currently on fire," Gwen said.
"Thanks," said Kevin, who ran into the flaming RV.
"Niiiiiiice," said Gwen. "But anyways, how are we gonna-"
"Uh, Gwen?" Kevin interrupted again. "I accidentally flushed your panties down the toilet and it overflowed..."
Indeed it had. Water flowed throughout the RV and engulfed the flames. "Wow," said Gwen. "Your stupidity solved the problem it caused!"
"Wait a minute," said Ben. "How the fuck is there running water in an RV?"
"Silence, foolish one!" commanded Vilgax. "Do not waste our time asking such idiotic questions."
"Now there's just the issue of which one of us gets Gwen," Ben said.
"Wait-what?" said Grampa. "You guys are all in love with Gwen?"
"Well, she is the only recurring female character on the show," explained Kevin. "And I'm sure as hell not gonna go gay for some dickwad like him." He pointed at Ben.
"Yeah, totally! Hey, wait a minute!" said Ben.
"Agreed. But how to settle this dispute..." pondered Vilgax.
"There's only one way to settle it!" Ben declared. "Grampa, Kevin, and Vilgax- I challenge y'all to a Xiaolin Showdown!"
"Shut up, irrational one! The only way to settle it is in a to-the-death battle!" said Vilgax.
"Death match is fine with me," Kevin said.
"Wait a minute!" shouted Grampa. "We're only thinking about settling it amongst ourselves-but why not just ask Gwen which one she wants to be with?"
Everyone thought about this for a moment.
"You gotta be fucking kidding me!" yelled Kevin. "I'm not gonna do that! She won't pick me because she hates me! That's not fair!"
"Likewise, I am mortal enemies with the entire Tennyson family, and most likely not to be picked willingly by her," admitted Vilgax.
"You have to admit, Grampa, that's pretty lame," said Ben. "Even though I'd get picked for sure. Let's have an eating contest!"
"Yeah, right! Let's have a Kick Ben's Ass contest!" Kevin suggested.
"No! A torture contest!" Vilgax cried.
"A crying contest!" Ben sobbed.
"DDR contest!"
"Who can kill the most people contest!"
"Soul Caliber II contest! I call Heihachi!"
"I call Seung Mina!"
"No way! You can't be Seung Mina! She's an extra character!"
"WILL ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Gwen screamed. All of them shut the fuck up. "I've decided..."
