Ch 13 Christmas


Sirius POV

A couple of days after the incident, that was what Sirius liked to refer Hermione's torture as he found himself sitting in the kitchen. He was sitting in front of the fireplace with a glass of whiskey in one hand. He had hoped that fire and alcohol would warm him up but ever since Hermione was rescued he just couldn't seem to get warm. It was as if he had a permanent shiver from fear. It wasn't the first time he experienced this. Even when he escaped Azkaban it took him months to finally feel as though his body temperature was rising and he wouldn't shiver.

Harry was home for the holidays and was told the same thing everyone else was told. That Hermione was sick. And he didn't even bat an eye or suspect that Sirius was lying to him. He trusted Sirius so why would he think otherwise? Harry did not like the idea that Snape was going to be spending the next couple of days here. He was under the impression that since Grimmauld Place was still headquarters for the Order he was just staying here on Dumbledore's orders. But Sirius knew it was to keep an eye on Hermione and make sure her arm was healing. Though Sirius reassured him that Snape would make himself scarce during Christmas Eve and Christmas. It would just be the three of them then.

Though he wasn't sure how much cheer he would be able to bring to the Christmas Holidays. He wasn't feeling like singing God Bless the Hippogryphs like last year. He was looking forward to the holidays before everything went to shit. He even had a few surprises in store that he knew would knock the soaks off the kids. And though he did know that he had much to be grateful for this Christmas. He just wasn't feeling up to being happy. He didn't even know if Hermione would be up to celebrating. Though he had a feeling that even if she wasn't feeling up to it she would pretend otherwise.

But Sirius was never good at pretending. It wasn't in his nature to be cold, stoic and unemotional. But it was for Snape. Even though he too was showing effects from what had happened. It had been a blow to all of them. Though obviously, Hermione was suffering from the brunt and worse of it.

Ahh, speak of the devil.

Sirius didn't even hear Snape come into the room. It was only when he heard the scrape of a chair that he drew his attention away from the flames. He didn't say anything, just poured himself his own glass and sat next to him in front of the fire. The man in question was completely expressionless. He couldn't even bring up the energy to show disdain for the company he was in. He looked a hell of a lot older than 36. Both of them did. They were at their prime and yet they looked so withered and worn it was a miracle either one of them was still able to keep moving.

There was no need to be quiet. Everyone had already gone to bed hours ago and there was one empty floor between them and a sleeping Harry. "Have you ever thought this would be where we are in life when we were children?

"What? Sitting next to each other not attempting to strangle one another and drinking firewhisky." Yes that, but he meant more in general and not in this particular moment.

"I never thought I would be raising a teenager. Or in this case two." Even though Hermione did have a set of loving parents. They weren't here right now. He was. And she was his responsibility just as much as Harry was. Even though she was an adult. She needed him more than ever. "I never thought I would be 36 and still fighting in a war. I figured that maybe I would have a job. Maybe be married. Never really thought about having kids." It seemed strange to think of how he used to act when he was a teenager. He flirted with so many without a care in the world where he woke up the next morning or in whose bed. He never had any responsibility but now it felt like he had the weight of the world on his shoulder. Including the weight of two teenagers.

"I never thought I would have even lived this long," Snape admitted. It was strange for Snape to be so willing to contribute to a conversation that wasn't about theories on potions or dark magic. Sirius figured that when Snape sat down next to him he would just sit in silence until he grew bored and left. But apparently, things were different for him as well. "I figured I would be dead by now."

"I think you are exaggerating," Sirius said, hoping to bring back some semblance of normal.

"I was almost killed twice last month. Other Death Eaters. Some still hold old grudges against me. Some just want me out of the way." He continued to just stare at the fire before raising his glass to his lips. He said it so nonchalantly as if it was simply an everyday occurrence. He said it with such ease. One would think he was talking about the weather.

"Fucking hell." Sirius took a hefty sip of his glass. This war just seems to find new ways to screw everyone over. He thought he had seen it all. But not everything. This was the first time in this light he saw how tired Snape truly was. The man looked weary into the fire as if completely enraptured. And yet there the light in his eyes was only from the reflection and not from himself. Sirius has learned that it was better not to ask what was on Snape's mind. He had a feeling that whatever was wearing him down would just make him more depressed than he already was. It's funny things used to be simple. But Sirius was just beginning to realize that it was never simple; he just wasn't paying attention. Merlin, what a mess. "Don't you wish you could ever go back in time and just scream at yourself?"

"All of the time," Snape confessed in a low voice.

But there was one thing he wouldn't change. And that was this truce with Snape. He was glad that he was by his side right now as Hermione slept upstairs possibly being plagued by nightmares. If it wasn't for her Snape wouldn't even be here. And perhaps neither would she. She may have escaped from Malfoy Manor but she hadn't made it off the property when Snape found her. And without him maybe she never would have.

He remembered the first thing he said to Hermione when they were face to face the first time they were expected to meet up with Snape. "Hermione I know what you are trying to do and I appreciate the effort. But let me make this perfectly clear. There is no way in hell that I will ever willingly put aside my differences and work with Severus Snape. And there is nothing Dumbledore or anyone can say to change it." It seemed like a lifetime ago and not just four months. Things have drastically changed in a short amount of time.

Apparently, he was wrong. There was one person who could change it. And it was her. "You're going in there right now and apologizing,'' Sirius told himself as he stood outside Snape's office and prepared himself to apologize. He did it because she made him realize how wrong he was. She helped him realize a lot of things in the short time he came to truly know her.

"How is she holding up?"

"She was tortured by a crazy sociopath. How do you think?" Sirius snapped. He knew there was no need to be snippy with him. Despite how he would never admit it. Snape did care about her wellbeing. He wouldn't be here if he didn't. "I am actually worried by her lack of…"

"Crying?" Snape imputed.

"Anything. It's as if she is simply ignoring what happened." She hasn't spoken about what happened. She hasn't mentioned how she feels about her arm. She is just going about her day as if nothing happened. She woke up this morning and came down, made herself a cup of coffee and then went off to the library. That wasn't normal.

"She is trying to move on."

Sirius got that, he really did. "But she hasn't dealt with the trauma. And I know I am not the poster boy for healthy coping methods but I think she has been putting up silencing charms to prevent me from hearing her when she has a nightmare." He noticed Snape's slightly narrowed eyes. "I have been sleeping outside of her door as Padfoot," he confessed.

The two of them stopped speaking as they heard the door to the kitchen creak open. The both of them watched as it opened up only a few inches and a tail of orange fur made its way into the room.

Once seeing that the coast was clear. Snape said simply, "She is compartmentalizing." As if that explained everything.

"I get that but wouldn't it be better if she just finally broke down?"

It was then at those words that Snape turned to look at him. He looked at Sirius curiously. "Do you think she is broken? That Bellatrix broke her?"

"No!" Sirius immediately said.

"Then why are you trying to fix her?"

He understood what Snape was implying but it didn't matter on the semantic if she was broken or not. She needs help no matter what condition she is in. "Because I care about her."

"There is nothing about her that needs to be fixed." Snape shook his head and had almost a sad and defeated expression on his face. "She is dealing and adapting to her experience in whatever way she can until she figures out what works for her. "

Sirius sighed and slouched further into his seat. "So I am just supposed to sit back and watch."

"If that's what she wants then yes." Snape sunk back into his chair and yet still seemed to be holding a stiff posture. "She wants to be treated as she was before the incident and that is exactly what I am doing."

"I don't like it," he muttered darkly.

He half expected Snape to say Neither do I. But instead, he opted to say "You don't have to. By all means, continue to watch and monitor her health but don't intervene in her healing process."

He had a point. And if anyone could relate to what Hermione is experiencing then it was him. But it didn't give him Sirius' vote of confidence since he wasn't comforting her. Instead, he was here, sitting with him and Crookshanks whom Sirius just noticed was sprawled out on Snape's lap. Snape was running his fingers through a trail of fur. The fireplace illuminated the stark contrast of his black robes and the orange fur.

"What?" Snape asked once, noticing Sirius' focus on him.

"I never took you for a cat person."

"I certainly prefer them over dogs"

Sirius ignored the insult and huffed. "It's just Crookshanks tends not to like most people." He has never seen anyone other than Hermione and himself who that cat liked so well. The cat tolerated Harry but held a certain disdain for some of the Weasleys.

"He is half Kneezle. They tend to be attracted to intelligence so, of course, he likes me." Yes, that was true for most Kneezles but that didn't always hold true for Crookshanks since he was Hermione's familiar.

How strange.

Despite his conversation with Snape. Sirius's anxiety didn't ease. It somehow got worse.

Sirius was very much concerned over Hermione's well-being. Harry hasn't seemed to notice anything off about her. And that was what was troubling Sirius. He figured that there would be some visible signs that something had happened to her and that she had changed from the experience. And yet there was nothing. No indication other than her scar that she was tortured.

She wasn't actively avoiding him but she wasn't having pointless conversations with him anymore. In fact, with anyone. She always had her head in a book in the library. Harry said it was usual for her and though Sirius didn't doubt that he figured she was using her hobby as a distraction.

He tried to talk to her about it once when he ambushed her in the library. She was sitting curled up on the couch with a cozy blanket and a steaming cup of tea. Sirius could see her fluffy sock-covered feet poking out from the end of the blanket. When he tried to make conversation she immediately shut it down.

"It's not that I don't appreciate the thought. It's just I would prefer not to talk right now, Sirius," He couldn't help but give her a beaming smile. Even though she told him off she still bit her lip hesitantly not wanting to come across as rude.

"Okay, I can be quiet." If she didn't want to talk then it's fine but he could still observe her under the pretense of cleaning. He started moving around the various bookshelves dusting any wooden surface he came across. He stopped everyone once and a while to pick up some random book and leaf through it before putting it away. All while whistling loudly.

"Sirius?" Hermione asked timidly.

"Yes?" He asked hopefully as he turned to face her.

She had an amused look on her face. "That isn't quiet."

"Oh, my bad." He tried not to deflate too much at her dismissal. He knew that it might take time for her to open up. He was just worried that with only a couple of weeks left of Christmas break she might not open up in time. He wasn't trying to rush her healing. But he couldn't deny that he wanted her to be better for her. She deserved to feel comfortable and safe once again. And so he made it his mission to ensure that 12 Grimmauld Place provided that for her.

It didn't help that he had to be at the Order meeting tonight while she was expected to go scurry off and hide. He still thought it was unfair how even though she was an adult and after all of the life-threatening situations she had been in she was still expected to rely on the Order to keep her safe. It was stupid. They didn't keep her safe. Not even he was able to keep her safe. In the end, she did it herself.

As everyone made their way into the kitchen as Hermione was leaving with a plate of some food and water. None of them knew how long this was going to be and so Hermione didn't want to wait until 10 pm to have dinner. She stopped and gave some pleasantries to a few people. His eyes went wide when Molly Weasley swept her up in a crushing hug, though nobody seemed to notice his moment of panic.

Sirius did notice how for a moment her and Snape's eyes connected. They seemed to have had this silent understanding pass between them. And then it was gone and so was she. For a moment he thought he had just imagined it. But later that evening he realized that he wasn't seeing things.

Sirius was about to head upstairs now that everyone had finally left for the night. He was just about to walk past the living room when he heard some voices. Curiously he silently backtracked and moved closer to the entryway letting the shadows obscure him. He risked a peak and saw Hermione with Snape. Sirius thought he left half an hour ago. And he never heard Hermione come back downstairs.

"Black is worried about you." What a snitch Sirius thought with a roll of his eyes.

"I can tell he is completely obvious." Hermione sounded exhausted. Sirius tried to see what they were doing but knew it was too risky and didn't want to risk being caught eavesdropping.

"Does he have any reason to be?" Sirius could just imagine that Snape's brow was raised to match his dry voice.

"He doesn't understand how I can bounce back from a traumatic experience so quickly."

"And have you? Bounced back?" Sirius knew that if he was in Padfoot form his ears would be perked up by now.

"I understand what things are in my control and what aren't. I can't change what happened to me. But I am in control of waking up each morning, brushing my teeth, reading a book, and finding a way to stop Voldemort. I have made peace with that and am moving on."

Sirius left her alone after that.

He realized that maybe he was smothering her a bit. And that perhaps he could give her space while also letting her know that she was not alone.

Thankfully Christmas was the perfect time for that.

He was told by both Hermione and Harry that under no circumstances was he allowed to spoil them and shower them with gifts. And by some means, he was able to restrain himself from buying several stores out. He was able to do so by focusing on very meaningful gifts.

He knew from the summer that Harry was stocked up on new clothes that would definitely last him until his next growth spurt. And despite all of his homework that he complained about, Sirius knew he had not run out of stationary for the year. And he really didn't want to give him school-related gifts for Christmas.

He really hoped that the gifts he did give him were ones he would want and actually need.

He had decorated the hell out of the house. Gold and silver tinsel hung off of every railing, window stills and off the top of cupboards and bookshelves. There was a huge Christmas tree sitting in the living room. It was a little too tall for the room and the top of it leaned over so the whole thing looked a little lopsided. But it was perfect. Sirius struggled to bring in the huge thing but he was determined to do it on his own. And then made the startling realization that he could have done the whole thing easier if he had used magic. But oh well. The tree itself was covered in a variety of ornaments that didn't match. But it lit up nicely and fit in with the golden room.

Snape had buggered off the day before. And though Sirius and Snape still weren't on friendly terms. They had the decency to acknowledge that neither wanted to acknowledge the holidays to the other.

And so only three remained. Though Sirius wouldn't be surprised or disappointed if a herd of Weasleys or Order members stopped by.

The three of them were gathered around in the living room. Harry and Hermione were sitting on the floor already wearing their Weasley sweaters, which Miss Weasley was kind enough to send over before the pair even woke up. And though Sirius was not given one he was given several baked goods. And therefore didn't have to cook any breakfast. He opted out of sitting on the floor, instead preferring to make do with their perfectly fine couches and propped his feet up onto the table. He let the kids play Santa and distributed the gifts while he sipped on his cup of coffee mixed with a little bit of Brandy.

"Harry, is this what I think it is?" Hermione asked after tearing into one of her gifts. She had a look of awe and disbelief on her face. And whatever was in her lap she held gently and gingerly as if it would disintegrate simply by touching it. Sirius didn't show it but he was secretly very happy to see her happy again after so much pain. It gave him the same feeling when he saw Harry smile. And he couldn't help but selfishly feel as though he was doing something right with this parenting thing.

"Well, what do you think it is?" Harry asked with a huge grin on his face.

"One of the original editions of Hogwarts, A History."

.

"I know how much you love that book. And I noticed yours was getting a little old." She immediately moved over to give him a bone-crushing hug that Harry immediately returned.

"This is amazing." And though Sirius thought she held on for a little bit too long, Harry didn't seem to notice anything odd or off. But Sirius was a bit concerned with how hard she was hugging him. She still wasn't back to her full health and she was adamant about not telling the truth about her ailment. Sirius worried about how much strain she was putting on herself, though he refrained from commenting. Trusting her not to push herself too far.

"You are one weird bird kitten." He shouldn't be surprised that she was so excited about a book. But to each their own. And if a book makes her happy then so be it.

"You have no idea how hard it is to find a Christmas gift for you," Hermione said, passing him two tiered boxes held together with a bow. "So I really hope you like this."

The nice thing about this gift exchange was that to his knowledge no one worked together or plotted each other's gifts. Meaning, even he was in the dark about what everyone got everyone. It was nice that even he was surprised by what Harry got for Christmas. But most importantly seen that vibrant smile he had on his face. "Open the smaller one first."

"A camera?" Harry asked in mild confusion. His brows disappeared underneath his unruly hair.

Hermione just gave him a small smile. "Now the second."

As Harry tore away the wrapping paper with eagerness, even Sirius was curious about what lay underneath. "A scrapbook."

"I figured that since the one with your parents was full. You can add some of your own."

"This is great," Harry said with a moment of fascination as he looked at the camera and tried to figure out how it worked. Immediately a flash occurred and Hermione looked temporarily blinded. Harry gave a sheepish look before putting the camera down to fiddle with later when a thought occurred to him. "Plus you wanted me to have a hobby outside of quidditch."

Now it was Hermione's turn to give a sheepish smile. "And other things." Seeing the two of them this morning made Sirius realize that they were a little family of their own. Hermione and Harry acted and treated each other as siblings should. And it made him wonder why he ever thought there was something romantic between them in the first place.

Well, I guess it's my turn, Sirius thought. "That red one is from me." Of course, it was from him. It was the worst wrapped gift underneath the tree. Sirius figured wrapping a box would be easy. But he was vastly mistaken. He should have just put it in a gift bag and called it a day. But he was committed. It took three tries but eventually, the whole thing was covered in very sparkly wrapping paper and it was completely tapped down.

After Harry tore through the box he was very surprised by what he saw. At least he wasn't confused by what he saw. Sirius knew that Harry had used a Pensieve before. But as Harry toyed with the several vials full of what looked like moving strands. Sirius could see the unasked question. "I know I told you a lot of stories about your parents and you have seen some photos. But I thought you would like to see them. These are some of my memories. Moony approved that they are all appropriate for your delicate eyes." He made sure to not just include memories of their teenage years like the first time they all bonded as friends or first met up during the summer. But also of his parents after graduation; their wedding ceremony, the moment Lily announced she was pregnant and most importantly the first time they held Harry.

Harry's head snapped up to meet his. "I figured you might want to see what your parents were like together but didn't want to see them snogging on the couch in the common room. There are also some memories from when you were a baby." Sirius felt very proud of himself for the gift he was able to give Harry. Especially since he was able to come up with it all on his own.

"Sirius this is…" Harry said trailing off as he removed his glasses to swipe at his eyes. "Thank you." He quickly composed himself and an ominous smirk overcame him. "You will have to go into the Tapestry room for yours."

Upstairs? Why on earth would he have to go upstairs? That would also require quite a bit of effort on his part to get himself out of the comfortable position he is in. Sirius immediately began to protest when Harry interrupted him. "I am not lugging that thing down here."

"Lugging what?" He turned to Hermione for answers but she just grinned and shook her head.

He turned back to Harry who had a huge grin on his face. Sirius didn't quite like the secrecy going on right now, especially with him being out of the loop.

"I figured you might as well have earned that motorcycle jacket you constantly wear," Harry gave as a hint.

He could feel his eyes widen and he leaned forward in his chair. "You didn't?" He didn't want to get his hopes up but he wasn't that clueless or so off the mark not to be picking up what Harry was leading onto.

"Technically I am just returning what always belonged to you," Harry said far too nonchalantly for Sirius' liking. He was acting way too calmly for this monumental occasion.

"My baby," He cried as threw himself up and made a mad dash for up the stairs. He didn't even care that he left the others behind or that with how loud and heavy-footed he was running up the stairs he might end up putting a hole through it.

As he made his way to the tapestry room. He couldn't help but stop at the entryway and just stare at the magnificent beauty in front of him.

A Suzuki GS750. But not just a Suzuki GS750. But his Suzuki GS750. Slick black leather and what framing there matched the seat. The frame didn't leave much to the imagination. Much of the structure was internally visible. She was the first bike he ever bought and he wanted to eventually start a collection though he knew he would never be able to retire her. Instead, he just made some modifications. All by hand of course. He couldn't possibly let someone else put their hands on her. So instead he picked up a bike manual and did it himself. And it was perfect.

It was a damn right tragedy that the two of them were separated for such a long time.

But

He knew it. He knew that one day the two of them would be reunited just like lost lovers. And to think he didn't think this day could get any better. And yet somehow it did.

"You have no idea how hard it was to get that in the house without making any noise," Harry said. And Sirius couldn't even imagine all of the trouble he had to go through to sneak her in without him noticing. But he somehow did it. And this room has certainly never looked better. "It is still in perfect condition. And Hagrid has no use for it."

Sirius was so lost while examining the beauty in front of him that he barely followed what Harry was saying. Though one thing did catch his ears. "She." He turned to look at Harry who was giving him a curious look and to Hermione who was standing by the door giving him a roll of her eyes. He couldn't quite bring himself to mention how she was keeping her distance at this moment. He was just so giddy with excitement. It was the same feeling he felt when he first bought his bike. The same feeling of elation and joy didn't decrease even after so many years. "Merida is a she."

"You named your bike?" Harry asked with raised brows. Mmm, that kid still had a lot to learn about the world. Luckily Sirius still had time to teach him.

"Of course." He patted the seat. "Baby here always needs a proper introduction." And he certainly did give Harry a good thirty-minute detailed introduction to all of his favorite parts and modifications.


It took him almost an hour to return to the living room. Harry and Hermione had made their way back a long time ago. Not wanting to continue to watch as Sirius ogled at Merida. But he had to be sure she was in perfect condition for a test drive. But essentially the three of them all rejoined and continued celebrating this day.

"Here Sirius, open this one from me." Hermione seemed to struggle with the weight of the box. He didn't expect her to give him any gifts. Especially after the last couple of weeks. But here she was smiling as if everything was right in the world. And right now it definitely felt like that.

He removed the bow and unwrapped the very neatly wrapped box. Very pristine in comparison to Harry's messy wrappings. And his own monstrosity. He resisted the urge to shake the box to see if he could hear anything. And instead gently lifted the lid. "You got me a clock?" He asked in mild confusion. Not that he was ungrateful but he didn't understand.

She smiled gently and said, "Take a closer look."

He did as she instructed and a look of wonder began to take over his face. How could she have possibly known? He didn't recall telling her that the Potters added him to their family clock. "I was inspired by the one at the Burrow."

He could feel himself tearing up at the nostalgia. She didn't even realize how much this means to him. He saw the words Home, School. And Immortal Danger was written on the top. He saw the little pictures of Harry and himself printed on spoons in the place of clock hands. He was happy beyond relief. But he noticed someone missing.

"You should be on this."

Hermione shook her head. And Sirius could feel a wave of sadness wash over him. "No this is for the two of you." She didn't seem too upset. But she was surprisingly good at masking her emotions for being such a bad liar. She shrugged her shoulders. "Besides, it's this one you need to watch out for."

She did have a point but so did he. "This is for family. So you belong here."

She seemed uncomfortable with all of his attention and with Harry watching their conversation. "And Moony and Tonks. They are family too," Sirius said, trying to ease some of the attention off of her.

"Yes. There is plenty of room for more," Harry said, completely agreeing.

She still seemed to be uncomfortable with the admittance of their family bonds. But she was just going to have to deal with the fact that they love her. Though now that he had Hermione's attention, Sirius figured that it would be a good idea to turn some of his focus on her. Just because he wanted to give her her space didn't mean he wasn't going to shower her in gifts. And technically the first part wasn't even hers.

"I also wanted to give Crookshanks a little gift." He gave her a baggy that looked suspiciously illegal. But was completely harmless. Besides, it wasn't like it was for human consumption. At least that he was aware of.

Hermione held it gingerly in front of him. And looked at the bag then at him skeptically. "What is this?"

"Catnip."

She said oww in half relief. What did she think he was going to do? Give her Drugs? Though technically he did give her cat drugs. "But he is half Kneezle"

"Yes, but he is still a cat."

She looked very amused by the gesture. "You know bribing him to like you more than me is a rude present."

He was very glad that she said that. "Then I hope this makes it up to you."

He passed over the old and rusty metal object he had been keeping in his pocket this entire time. There was no need for him to try and wrap it.

"A key?" She asked in confusion. Though it was a very intricate skeleton key. It was still just a key. But it is what it opens that matters.

"To your new library." She looked at him in complete shock and looked like she was about to immediately start protesting. "You are now the proud owner of the Black family Library."

For a moment she was stuck in silence. While Harry broke out into laughter.

Sirius was very glad that Harry was here to diffuse the tension. Otherwise, Hermione might try to yell at him. "Sirius, I can't accept this," she said firmly while holding out her hand, with the key on it.

He quickly scooted away from her. "You can and you will." She opened her mouth to protest but he quickly beat her to it. "All those books are just wasted on me. I won't read them. They are just sitting there and collecting dust. They need someone who will take care of it." She was the one who did organize them in the first place. Who, took the time and care to dust them off, and to put them in some kind of order. She was the only one to ever read them. They already belonged to her. She just never realized it.

She seemed to consider his words for a moment but was not completely convinced. "Or I will just go around burning each and every single one in front of you until you use that key and lock me out."

Harry looked at her expectantly and so did he. He could see her reserve waving and he almost threw his hand up in victory when she said, "Okay."

He couldn't stop the smile from taking up half his face. "I knew I was warming on you."

Harry whooped in joy. And he couldn't help but join along. A full-blown smile took over her as well. "Though I would be careful if I were you. Moony might be a little jealous. But I did stuff him up with at least a year's worth of chocolate. So he might be around next summer to borrow a few books. With your permission of course."

Hermione shook her head in good humour. And though he knew she loathed the idea of him giving her anything. He quickly realized that bribery her with books was the way to win her over.

But there was one other way to win her over. And that was protecting Harry. And so what if it extended to her too? "I have a matching gift for you two." Harry looked at him curiously while he could practically feel Hermione's eyes rolling. "I needed some help from both Arthur and Moony but we finally got it to work."

He passed them symmetrically wrapped small boxes only covered by a small bow. He didn't even wait for them to open them before explaining what they were. "These are portkeys. Just hold onto them and say Snuffles and you will be brought here" He wasn't fond of the nickname. But he couldn't deny the effectiveness of the codename. "I figured these would be good in dangerous situations." Both of them had a necklace with a pendant. For Harry, he settled on an obsidian arrowhead on a silver chain. And for Hermione, it had a quartz sphere in a copper triangle frame.

It was a simple piece of jewelry, though he would never tell Hermione how much it actually cost, but it will last. Both of them were very appreciative of the gift. And though Hermione didn't say anything in front of Harry. He could see her mouth the words Thank You out of the corner of his eye.

And though this would be the perfect end to a little Christmas. He did have one last gift to hand out. Originally he had no plan of doing this but after everything, she had been through. He was reminded of the obvious fact that he was not her parent. And though he desperately tried to fill that role temporarily. He wasn't really succeeding.

"Hey, kitten. There is one last gift for you," he said, giving her a thick letter.

"Sirius, I swear to God," Hermione said exasperated. And Sirius felt a small spark of joy at seeing her annoyed expression. And though he would have loved to continue to tease her. He would rather see a smile on her face instead of a scowl.

"This isn't from me." He could see the curiosity in her eyes.

He watched patiently as she slowly examined the envelope and then carefully opened it.

He could see the moment realization hit her when her breath hitched and she looked up at him with tears immediately swelling in her eyes. "Sirius, how did you get this? "

"Well since you kids have left me all by my lonesome these last four months I decided to take a little trip. And I ran into your parents." That was putting it simply. It took a bit of tracking and snooping. And honestly just wandering around the country until he found them. But he knew that it would be worth it. And despite how much she claimed to be okay, he knew that this was definitely something she needed. Because no matter how much she claimed she was fine from her experience being tortured. He knew she missed her parents. And this was the closest he knew to being able to help her.

She swallowed loudly and could barely make out "Thank you." But she did nod at him and stood up to surround him with a warm and comforting hug.


Sirius expected Hermione to break down in tears. He figured that was the natural response after what had been through. But she never did. Not the first night after being rescued. Not the next day when her mind wasn't so fuzzy. Not on Christmas when everyone was smiling and laughing. Weeks went by without a single sound of anguish. And Sirius thought for just a moment that she was able to get past the hurdle on her own. That she was truly on the mend.

But no, it happened unexpectedly.

And not even in the way he expected.

The night before she and Harry were meant to go back to school, the Christmas holidays had officially come to an end. Sirius was the one being all sullen. Not her.

He had been like this all day. Not only because he would miss Harry while he was away at school. He would have a chance to see Hermione more often. But also because of what the Prophet printed this morning.

Front and center was a god-awful image of his cousin. They chose her Azkaban photo. And it was appropriate. The last time he saw her. She looked the exact same despite having months of freedom. She was always an imposing woman. But now one look at her will cause nightmares.

Hermione, observant and insightful as she was, was able to figure out what was upsetting him. And yet she didn't have a reaction at the mere mention or the sight of her.

\

He should have been the one comforting her. And this caused his anger to boil underneath his skin

Here he was being selfish.

And then he felt sorrow.

When they were children, he always knew how odd and dangerous she was. But it wasn't until they got older that he realized just how deranged she was. He always referred to Bellatrix as his cousin and not by her given name. Like he did with his parents and brother when he wanted to disassociate with them. But her, he never did. Maybe because he felt responsible for her.

He and Hermione were sitting in the living room. She was curled up on one end of the couch with a book. She was going to head to bed as soon as she finished her current chapter. But then again she said that two chapters ago.

He on the other hand was going through some boring legal documents. Well trying to. It was hard when his mind flashed back to his cousin's strangled scream. He thought that his childhood was bad with her in it. But it didn't compare with having a prison cell across from her.

"Hey. Look at me," Hermione said softly and yet strong. Sirius turned at her command and he knew that he looked like a kicked puppy but he couldn't help the sadness and guilt he was feeling. "What happened to me was not your fault."

Despite her saying those words, he didn't believe it. Maybe he wasn't the direct cause of what happened to her, but there were steps he could have taken to prevent what happened to her from happening to anyone else. "If I had just finished my cousin off when I had the chance-" he said before getting cut off.

"Then someone else would have come after me. It was kind of inevitable." And perhaps that was why Sirius was so upset, the feeling of helplessness was inevitable by the truth of her statement. She was always going to be a target. Not only was she a female muggle-born. But she was also one of Harry's best friends. And the brightest witch of her age. The Death Eaters would want to make an example out of her. She was a prize to them. And though they technically didn't succeed in breaking her. Now that they had her in their grasp once. They won't ever stop.

But that didn't mean that she was destined to experience pain in this war. And she was not going to die. Not on his watch. Too many people he cares about have died in this war. And he would not allow another one.

"Don't look at me like that," Hermione asked of him. And though he could decipher what kind of face he was making at her while he was consumed in his thoughts. He could tell that despite her somewhat serious expression. Her neutrality was failing. And though her eyes were dry her breathing seemed to be increasing.

"Like what?"

"Like I am dying." Her lower lip wobbled slightly.

"I am not-"

"I appreciate what you are doing for my sake. But I am okay. Really I am fine. I am a big girl. I can take care of myself." And though she did sound awfully convincing, he didn't believe her. Not at this moment.

She wasn't by any means wrong. But… "It doesn't mean that you should have to be alone."

"I am fine," she said, though it sounded like her voice got stuck in her throat.

She turned away from him after that. And though she didn't make a quick exit when she left. She did with as much composure as she could muster with tears streaming down her face, walk away.

And though he didn't want to see her cry. He couldn't help but marvel at her strength and bravery. And maybe she wasn't okay right now at this very moment. But she will be.