Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. Not making any money of this. Love the idea of Ed and Roy. Please leave me a review if you like the story.

Author's Note:

Oh, ye of little faith! What happened to believing and holding out for a hero? The number of messages I have gotten from people who have never reviewed before saying, "So this is the end, huh, that was random/abrupt/lousy/sad. You SUCK," or something similar is really disturbing. Far be it for me to discourage anyone from writing me or reviewing my work, and this isn't directed at those lovely first-timers who wrote me notes of encouragement or wailed about me being evil (because cliffhangers are), but honestly! I bust my ass to get this story updated at the rate of 4.5 CHAPTERS PER WEEK (yes, that IS what it works out to if you do the math), and you nameless people (you know who you are!) do nothing but freeload on the wonderful reviewers who bothered to stop and say hi and keep me going, and then you have the nerve to call me short…um, I mean, criticize my story based on a wholly unwarranted and erroneous assumption! I should let Roy roast you all, I really should. Lucky for you, his hands are currently full with seeing this story through. And like him, I'm duty-bound to save my favourite blonde alchemist, so I'll stop ranting and get back to work now. But I swear, there's a place beyond the Gate for you nasty people. And it's not a nice place.

And now back to our regularly scheduled Hagane no Renkinjutsushi programming. Oh, and as always, much love to my loyal reviewers – this one's for you!


Chapter 19: Equivalent Exchange

Time didn't seem to matter in this place. It was always the same. Brighter than the light of a thousand suns, but with the sense that there was a darkness without pressing in eagerly, waiting to pounce. Being here meant being able to see everything, know everything all at once, and yet also to be left feeling empty and wanting, as though something important were missing. And always, the unsettling sensation that there were inhuman eyes watching, observing…testing.

It would have made his skin itch, if he weren't currently bodiless. But as that was the happy state he found himself in, he decided not to concern himself unduly about it, and instead busied himself with picking through the more interesting nuggets of information that were suddenly a part of his consciousness as he tapdanced his way through the cosmos. Interesting. Hmm. Wow. Huh, and what about…oh, so that's how one does it…hmm…must remember to remember that when I leave. Funny, I think I've thought that before.

A voice out of nowhere suddenly, the sound of many speaking as one: Not all knowledge is meant for human minds. You already retain more than most. In this state, your boundaries are unlimited and you may comprehend infinity…when crucified to a physical plane, that same knowledge would drive you mad.

I knew it! I've been here before, haven't I?

Indeed. Once when you died, and then again when you sacrificed yourself for your brother. And this makes a third time. You are…unique in your persistence. Most who make it to this place come the once and never again. And far more try merely to see and fail. You survived that first look at a young age, although it seems you did not learn from it.

Whatever. Spare me the all-knowing speeches, all right? What do I have to do to leave this place?

Although the voice never wavered from its sonorous tones, it somehow managed to sound distinctly amused: You also ask the same question every time.

Yeah? So do you ever answer me?

There was a silence that could have lasted seconds, or minutes, or an eternity during which stars burned out and new worlds were born. Finally, a reply, if not an answer: Who are you?

What does that have to do with it?

Everything.


Roy cradled the limp body in his arms. In some ways this was worse than the first time, because he had allowed himself to hope this time, to open up, to start to think that maybe, just maybe, they would be allowed to have this chance. The ragged pain in his chest was doubtless being caused by the jagged edges left behind as hope was torn away. "Oh, Ed," he whispered as he pressed his lips to the cool forehead. No blood this time. Just an empty shell that felt more hollow than the suit of armour Alphonse Elric had inhabited for so long. He could feel the earth shake beneath him as the Earth Moving Alchemist laid waste to the land in his rage, striking out blindly, tossing aside allies and enemies alike as he shook the very foundations of the earth in his agony. He could hear Hawkeye yelling at Al, trying to snap the alchemist out of his madness, but to no avail. Sparks and fragments of ash and cinders whirled through the air, burning brightly as they fell to earth glowing and then abruptly went out. Roy closed his eyes, pushing away the metaphors that came to mind. "Ed…" Reach out to me. Call out my name. A shudder ran through his body and a single tear finally escaped his iron grip. "Ed…love…come home. Please. You promised. Come home."

Sloth howled, her normally gentle face twisted into a horrific black hole of pain. "Wrath! My baby! You murderers!"

Envy smirked. "Whoops. A two-for-one-deal - guess we lost them both at the same time. That wasn't quite the plan, but whatever works. Although I have to say," and he sighed in mock sorrow, "I'm going to miss the chibi-san a whole lot more than that whiny brat. He was cute…and at least he wouldn't have wet my bed."

The female Homunculus whirled on him in fury. "You planned this! You meant for Wrath to be destroyed!" And she lunged for the androgynous Sin, slapping aside the soldier holding him with a contemptuous flick of her wrist and sending him skidding and spluttering as a spout of water the rough equivalent of three fire hoses hit him right in the face. Envy rolled his eyes as he leapt aside lithely.

"Well of course I did. I mean, really – alchemy or no alchemy, I knew who I was backing in a showdown between those two. And it wasn't Wrath." The spiky-haired Sin rolled his eyes. "You have no idea what a pain it was to have to be nice to that brat so that he'd help me keep Alphonse trapped long enough for the chibi-san to notice and get over here. I guess I should be impressed that he managed to take the chibi-san with him. Funny the body didn't make it. Hey, I know," and he smiled slyly. "What if we used chibi-san's body to bring Wrath back? That would be pretty funny, wouldn't it? And the brat would get the body he wanted."

"Don't you touch him!" came a shriek and Envy suddenly found himself impaled and struggling in the grip of a huge stone hand studded with spikes that had risen out of the ground and was crushing him so tightly he could barely breathe. "I'll kill you!" Al's grey eyes were stormy and clouded with an anger that actually frightened the Sin because of its unexpectedness. Wasn't the younger one supposed to be the calmer brother of the two? Hawkeye hovered in the background uncertainly, torn between trying to stop Al from killing Envy – and the overwhelming desire to see the Sin hurt very, very badly.

Sloth's eyes lit with a fiendish, desperate hope. "Give him to me!" she snarled as she rushed at the kneeling figure of Roy Mustang as he bowed his dark head over the auric one in his arms.

"General!" Hawkeye drew her gun and emptied the clip into the Sin's back, but it barely slowed her down. "General, look out!"

Roy raised his head in what seemed like painful slow motion. Gently, tenderly, he lay the body of Edward Elric down on the ground, smoothing back the long bangs and brushing the golden eyes shut, their long dark lashes a sooty sweep against the chiselled cheekbones that had taken on the pallor of death. He stood with deliberate grace, picking up something from the ground as he did so. And then he turned around to face Sloth, his eyes flicking over to meet Hawkeye's for an instant. She gasped. Those dark eyes, normally alive with all the emotions the man would not – or could not – let show on his face, were now dead, flat chips of obsidian glass in which pinpricks of red fire danced madly.

The homunculus skidded to a stop, her teeth bared in a terrible grimace that contrasted oddly with her kind, sad features. "Give me back my child, human. And I'll let you all walk away."

"Would that I could, Trisha Elric," was the dull reply. "Had I not been too cowardly to do what needed to be done in Risembool eight years ago, you would be at peace, and your child would still be alive. I made a mistake then. But I will not walk away again."

"What are you talking about?" hissed the Sin, her voice tinged with anger and fear. "Do not call me by the name of that pathetic human creature, you foolish man!"

Roy's eyes glittered coldly. "We are all who we are, homunculus. And you can call me Roy Mustang. Or just Major General. Hell, you can even call me the Flame Alchemist," he said almost absently, as though his mind were someplace else entirely. "But whatever you do, just remember the pain."

There was a sudden silence. And Hawkeye knew with an awful certainty what would happen next.

The Sin lunged at the Flame Alchemist, transforming into her aqueous state as she did so.

Roy shrugged languorously with the air of a man suffering from extreme ennui, inclined his head slightly, and flung his hand out negligently, the small silver object he held glinting redly as it flickered to life. His expression didn't change one iota as the Sin exploded barely a foot from his face in a thunderous release of light and heat and steam that sent the awestruck soldiers hurtling to the ground as they shielded their eyes. Hawkeye was the first to rise, staggering towards her CO as she tried to blink the blurry purple afterimages away. They seemed seared into her retina, but as she caught a glimpse of the bleak look on Roy's face, she suddenly thought that perhaps not seeing clearly was a blessing.

There was nothing left of Sloth except a little reddish brown dust that blew away in the breeze. Hydrogen and oxygen are highly inflammable gases that burn clean after all. Basic alchemy.

"Requiescat in pace, Trisha Elric. From the man who loves your son."


Stop playing games, damn it, and just answer me. What do I have to do?

That is all you have to do. Answer the question.

What? You're supposed to know everything in this place, why do you need me to tell you who I am?

Then why do you not answer the question? Who are you? It is a pure and simple enough truth that self-knowledge is the most elusive knowledge there is. You might almost say…it is gold.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple. Credit me with enough intelligence to realize that.

No one has ever accused you of less.

I have a name, you know.

Do you know?

Are you saying I don't know my own name? It's…it's…I don't…. Shit. It's all a mess in my head. Why can't I remember? There's just too much…stuff in there right now! So much noise…I can't…damn it. Fine. I'm lost.

Who are you?

You're enjoying this entirely too much, you bastard. And since you obviously seem to think you know, why don't you tell me?

Because that is not why you are here. You must answer the question. Who are you?

I…don't know. Yet. But I will figure it out. I will remember…

Certainly of all who have come before, you are the closest to achieving it.

…and when I do, I am going to make you very, very sorry you ever messed with me.

An amused silence. Then: In that case, you might want to hurry. Time here is infinite…elsewhere, it is not. And there is more than your own existence at stake here. Of course, whether you accept those stakes is up to you.

What are you talking about?


"Don't do it, Al," Roy said softly. "You're not a killer yet…Ed wouldn't have wanted you to be. Leave him to me."

"No," and the alien bitterness compressed into that one word from Alphonse Elric's lips made even the Flame Alchemist step back involuntarily. Al's normally open, warm face was shuttered tight now, the same look Roy had seen on countless men pushed to do the unspeakable and end another's life. He knew it well. Had worn it often, for a time. Had nearly died of it, for that look choked off life, cut you off from all that was good, and living, and human. Maes had saved him, had prised open the shutters, but it was Edward Elric who had sent a clean wind through the emptiness, blowing away the dark thoughts that had prevailed for too long. Had brought him back to life. Had taught him what it was to love.

For Ed's sake then, he had to save Al from a similarly dark fate. They had had a contract, after all.

Something of his thoughts must have shown on his face despite his best efforts, because Al shook his head, a small, decisive back-and-forth motion. "You can't say anything that will change my mind, General," said Al tonelessly. "I can be just as stubborn as my brother. And you were never able to change his mind either."

Roy forced a smirk. "Indeed? It must run in the Elric blood. But I don't think your brother would find this a fitting tribute to his memory, do you?"

Al lifted his grey eyes to glare at his CO. "Don't even try to pull that sentimental crap with me, sir," and Roy was struck by how much the younger Elric resembled his older brother at that instant. "And I wouldn't try to stop me by force, either. Flame Alchemist or not, you know what I'm capable of. I wouldn't want you to wind up as…collateral damage." A sudden soft hiccup made an odd juxtaposition against the grim demeanour, and Al's voice suddenly sounded much younger as he choked out, "Brother wouldn't like that. And I would hate to make him sad. He's suffered enough because of me."

"It won't bring Ed back, Al. I promise I'll see that Envy is suitably taken care of. But not like this. You know it's wrong."

"Wrong? My brother…is dead. Because of this abomination," and the stone fingers squeezed harder. Roy could hear the cracking of bone and the homunculus actually let out a moan and slumped further, seemingly unconscious. "Come on, General. If anyone should have the satisfaction of avenging my brother, it should be me. It's my fault – it's always been my fault. But as a result, no-one – but no-one – understands the One Truth better than I…." Al's voice trailed off dreamily. "It's like brother always said: Equivalent Exchange."

"Revenge is not Equivalent Exchange, Al. And your brother always fought that - his whole goal in life was to circumvent that and reverse the mistake he made, remember?" The Flame Alchemist kept his tone quiet, reasonable, even. "Why would he want you to be bound by that now?"

"Because in the end even he couldn't cheat it!" howled Al suddenly. "My brother, the Fullmetal Alchemist – he couldn't do it! To give me back this body, he had to give his up! And then when we got him back…I didn't ask how, I didn't ask why…I just wanted to believe that we could do it, that we had surpassed the One Truth, that if anyone could do it, it was my brother. And we were going to be happy…even though there was the war and everything else, we were finally going to be happy. You were going to be happy. He loved you. He loved you, you bastard – and you don't even care!"

Roy shook his head dumbly as Al's accusation lashed at his open wound. "Of course I care, Al - I loved him. I always will. But your killing Envy won't change anything, Alphonse-kun. Please. Don't do it."

"You're one to talk, with all the blood on your hands," Al pointed out flatly. "The One Truth, General, is that to get something, one has to give up something of equal value. We should have known that getting Ed back without sacrificing anything couldn't last. And now we've lost him again, and all our hopes, and all our dreams. Oh, I'm going to be a good younger brother – I'm going to obey his last words to me, when he told me to live. But first, I have to make sure this never happens again." His voice grew harsh. "Equivalent Exchange, remember? A life for a life. Although this soulless abomination isn't half the man my brother is…was…."

Equivalent Exchange, thought Roy desperately. Something was wrong. Something was nagging at him, and he could almost hear Ed's voice ranting frantically in his head: Bastard General, how stupid can you be? Get off your lazy ass and think! In Equivalent Exchange, something is given up in order to obtain something of equal value. What did the Gate take this time?

An arm and a leg. The remains of a young boy. A Philosopher's Stone. A soul…a spirit….

And you call yourself a State Alchemist? Cut to the chase, bastard - what did you get back?

Nothing. There had been no equivalent exchange.

There had been no equivalent exchange!

"He's not dead!" gasped Roy.