Author's Note : Sorry for the late update . I have been waiting all week to update this one but my day off for this week happens to fall on Friday .
This is the last chapter with T rated . The next chapter after this is going to change to M .
And also , I am releasing the first three chapters for the new story today too .
Always be kind to one another and keep on spreading love .
Goodnight all ._.
Seattle
It was thirty minutes past 1PM , Callie was crouching inside of her car with her left leg slightly hanging out of the car . She opened the dashboard , looking for the letter of her bills that she left it earlier inside of it . Yes , it would be easier if she opened the dashboard from the other door but the street was busy with cars and people would surely honk at her . Because it would take time for her to find the bill as the compartment place was full with a lot of unnecessary things that she just felt too lazy to get it clear .
"Calliope ."
A voice , almost like a whisper startled Callie as she instantly jumped out of the car , accidentally hitting her forehead against the top of the car . It was a freaking strong hit . "Owww ."
"Are you okay ?" Arizona moved forward with a concerned face . "Let me take a look ."
"Oh please , just let me go Arizona !" Callie slammed the door angrily . The bills can be waited , she needed to get inside of her shop . "Move aside !"
That just made Arizona moved toward her even more , trapping her body against the Latina . She clenched her teeth . "I just want to take a look !"
Callie held her breath , being this close with Arizona didn't usually ended well for both of them . But what else she could do ? Seeing Arizona with her sour face , teeth clenched was making her a little bit afraid .
"It will bruise . I have a cream that could reduces the swelling and bruise at my place . I will go get it later ." Arizona tilted her head . "And how are you ?"
"Hurting !"
"It's just a little pain , baby girl . Or do you want to get xray for your head ?"
The way she just said 'baby girl' was perfect . Oh no , Torres . Don't give in , not this easy ! "I'm not talking about my head , Arizona . You and I both know what I am talking about ." Callie channelled into her sarcastic mood as she walked pass Arizona .
"I didn't mean to just left like that . I wanted to say goodnight to you properly . I wanted to text you as soon as I arrived at my hotel . I wanted .. ano..another date . I wanted to ask you out . I want you !" Arizona sighed .
"You want me only when you are feeling it , when you are in your mood . Once your good romantic caring mood are all gone , you just push me aside ! I mean , what do you actually want from me ?" Callie asked as she walked , ready to crossed the road .
"You are the first woman after Joanne that made my heart ache for more . I've kissed several women after she died but .. it was never like our kiss . I am feeling again what I used to feel with her . And .. and when I opened my eyes after the kiss , I saw you . I guess , I freaked out but it didn't mean that I didn't want you . I was processing ." Arizona followed after Callie .
Callie turned her body around , facing Arizona . "Well , maybe you need to start processing things out loud ! Not by shutting me down and keep your mouth close . Because there are two people in a relationship . It's not only just you ." Callie said angrily before she crossed the road in hurry . She needed more time . Arizona really hurted her this time .
"Watch it !"
A yell and the loud sound of a car honking toward her direction , it all happened at once and too fast .
Callie was pulled by a very tight grip on her wrist . She was almost hit got hit by a car and now she was pulled in . Into Arizona's hug .
"Yaaa blind ?" Window rolled down and the driver yelled . But both women were both in shocked and confused to noticed the yell .
"Don't ." The only one word that escaped from Arizona's mouth after a few seconds .
Callie was still in shocked , for a few seconds ago she felt like her soul was taken out from her body , her heart was still beating fast as she studied the blonde's face . Fear was all over her face now . Her eyes was full with sorrow . For a few seconds , their gazes locked but no words were spoken .
"I could never forgive myself if just now the car … god forbids , hit you . So , don't . Do not die ." Arizona sobbed into the hug ."She got hit by a car and then she died . Don't do that to me too . Don't leave me ."
"Arizona .. I am .. here ." Callie whispered in a calming voice . So this was what had been bothering Arizona . Her painful past was the reason behind all the cautious choices she made . And Callie could see that Arizona was still controlled by her past . It wasn't fair for both of them . "I am not going to leave you ."
"I need you to let me in , Arizona . I feel like you are not letting me in . You need to start speaking from your heart ." Callie brought their intertwined fingers on Arizona's chest .
Arizona instantly backed away which she quickly regretted as she felt like she was offending Callie with the way she reacted .
"What ? What is it ? Why do I feel like you are fighting this ? What are you afraid of ?" Callie asked in her frustrated voice . She was desperate to understand what was going on inside of Arizona's head .
"Come , I will help you cross the road ." Hand was extended and Arizona once again hid her feeling .
Callie slumped back in her seat , exhaustion had taken over her body . Through the window , she watched the rain fell down , kissing the sidewalk . It was raining heavily outside . She just finished calculating all the sales during her few days of absence . And now she was about to continued with the ordering of supplies .
Her phone suddenly chimed . Slowly , Callie's hand reached for her phone that was placed at the end of the table . Her finger touched the message icon . It was from Arizona . She opened the message before she began silent reading it .
Dinner together tonight ? - Arizona
Choosing not to reply to it , Callie groaned as she put down her phone . Arizona needed to calm down . She was the one running away from Callie and now she started to chase after her again .
After they crossed the road , both of them stopped right in front of the coffee shop . Arizona was staring into Callie's eyes , again . She knew that there was a lot of things the blonde wanted to say but she was clearly struggling to say it . There was fear in her eyes but also a glimpse of hope .
But then …
I told you that I am not good at this . Handling a company , making big decisions , signing another deal , that's easy for me . But when it comes to my private life , I tend to ruin it all . I had everything before what happened five years ago . And in just a blink , everything disappeared . So after that , I had shit organized properly , taught myself how to live alone . Because people leaves , all the time . And you don't have any idea how hurt it is to lose it all at one time . It really hurts ... It hurts to wake up in the morning . It hurts ... I am still hurting until today and you .. You are standing right in front of me . And strangely , I am looking forward to see you everyday but there's a tiny part inside of my head keeps bothering me , making me keeps wondering for how long people are going to be with me this time ? Because everyone that I loved , left . So what changed ? You are going to leave and I will be broken again .
You are the first woman I am really attracted to after Joanne . I thought that there will be no joy again in my life . Everyone , especially my family wanted me to get help and rejoin life , pick up the pieces and move on . And I tried to , I wanted to but I am scared of more losses … that I refused to gain anything , make friends or relationships .
I wanted to let you in . But I feel so vulnerable everytime I tried . I don't want to shut you out , I am trying . Please be patient with me . Sometimes , this is all could be too much but please … believe me when I said that I wouldn't hurt you . I want you , Calliope and I know I have a very weird way of showing it and I get confused . When the thing that I should have done is pull you closer , but instead I push you away .
I am amazed with the way you look at me . You look at me with love . You don't feel the need to fix me . You accept me for who I am , even when you know how annoying I could be . You are everything that I need , Calliope . You've completed my dull life .
And her respond to that ?
Nothing .
She just stood in front of her shop , not saying anything , not giving any respond to what Arizona just said .
She knew how much efforts it took for Arizona to talked about hearts and feelings openly . But she didn't know what to say . She wanted Arizona and she wanted it all . Not half of her . She just needed Arizona to let her in completely .
A few knocks on the square glass killed Callie's thought . She raised her eyebrows as she moved toward the front door of her shop . Callie opened half of the door , slowly . Her brown eyes was met with Arizona who was standing in front of the shop with her hoodie up . Both of her hands were holding a paper bag . Her hoodie was completely soaked through .
"Arizona ?" Callie opened the door fully .
"Damn , it was just a small little rain at my place . I don't know it's going to be this heavy here ." Arizona looked at herself , her body was slightly trembling as the cold air hit her body .
Realizing that Arizona was still standing outside of her shop , Callie awkwardly stepped aside . "Come in ."
"You don't want to put something first ? Like a doormat ?" Arizona looked down on the floor .
"Just freaking come in , Arizona ! It's raining outside ." Callie said , she was worried . Arizona was shaking , she could get caught by a flu .
"You didn't reply to my message ."
"So you decided to drive all the way here ?" Callie locked the door as soon as Arizona entered .
"My place isn't that far . Come on , don't make it sounds so dramatic ." Arizona put down the paper bags on the table as she looked around the place . Callie was alone and there was a laptop and papers on the next table . "I have a Chinese and a Thai takeouts . Which one you prefer ?"
"Arizona .. You just keep pushing it . Are you even really ready this time ? You skipped a few steps last time and then you froze ." Hands crossed , Callie looked at Arizona .
"It's not in my nature to just sit back and wait , Calliope . Sit down , we are having a dinner together ." It was an order from Arizona .
"You can't be comfortable in that wet outfit ." Callie shook her head . A dimpled smile on the blonde's face was quite distracting . "Let's go upstairs , I will find you something to change . Bring the food too ."
She just nodded her head .
Arizona entered Callie's loft and the first impression that she got from it was , Callie was seriously a messy person ! Clothes were everywhere . On the coffee table , the couch , everywhere . And the books on the shelf weren't in order at all . Some of it was standing up , some of it wasn't . Some of it , the titles were on the outside , others were on the inside . Arizona suddenly felt the need to rearranged it but canceled her plan as this wasn't her room . And the books might be Callie's private stuff . The only thing that wasn't in a mess was her queen size bed next the book shelf . Maybe because that was the only place that she could actually rest .
"I'm sorry , it's a little bit messy . I honestly don't know that one day I would invite you up here ." Callie noticed the uneasiness on Arizona's face .
A little bit ? Arizona suppressed her laughter . "It's okay . I just don't know where to put this down ."
Callie cleared the coffee table before she took the paper bags from Arizona . She later put it down on the table . "I will get something for you to wear ."
Callie handed a red t shirt to Arizona along with the black track suit with a white stripe . "The bathroom is over there ."
"Thanks . I .. um .. will go change ." Arizona replied before she disappeared into the bathroom .
Callie rubbed her head as she realized that she forgot to gave the blonde a towel . She quickly grabbed the towel and headed toward the bathroom . Giving a few knocks on the door , she waited after that .
Arizona opened the door , her head popped out as she hid behind the door . She raised her eyebrows , giving a questioning look toward Callie .
"Um .. I forgot to give you .. a towel ." Callie was looking at Arizona but then her eyes fell on the blue eyes's neck . "You probably should take a shower . You might get a fever .. if you .. don't . Take a shower ."
"Mhmmm ." Arizona replied shortly as she took the towel . "Thanks ."
Somehow , Callie found Arizona's 'mhmmmm' sounded sexy . She walked toward the sofa as her mind couldn't stop thinking about Arizona's neck . About how it felt if she planted a few kisses on it . Or gave Arizona two or three bites on the neck . Callie shook her head . It must be because of the rain that she had started to think about .. sexual things . Yeah , it was nice having someone to cuddle with when it was raining outside .
Callie suddenly groaned . Okay , this sexual tension has got to stop !
After that , they had their dinner together , for what Callie believed the most boring dinner she ever had . Sure , the spicy noodles tasted great and the kung pao chicken was the best she ever tasted . But the dinner was very awkward . There was no conversation . Arizona's focus was only on the food . It made Callie wonder the real reason why the blonde was here . If she wanted to isolated herself , she surely could do it her at her own house . So , what's up with the trouble driving all the way here ? Callie walked toward her bed as her eyes just watched Arizona in the oversized t shirt .
Arizona stood there awkwardly in front of the sofa . "I guess .. I better get going ."
"It's still raining heavily outside . You sure you want to go home now ?" Callie raised her eyebrows . "You can crash here if you want . I mean , if you don't mind with the mess ."
"Are you sure ? I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable ."
"I am okay . Unless , if there is someone waiting for you at home …?" Callie wasn't sure if that was a statement or a question . "Or you just simply don't do sleepovers ."
"No . There's no one at my house ." Arizona let out a soft chuckle . "I'm all alone at home . That's why I came here . So that I could have someone to keep me company ."
"Yeah , but it's not like we talked much since you came here with the takeouts . I feel like you weren't even enjoying the dinner . With me ."
"I wouldn't drive to your place while it's raining outside if I am not going to enjoy any of this ." Arizona sighed . "You seriously need to stop making wild assumptions about me , Calliope ."
"You created all the wild thoughts in me . With the way you act , sometimes . And I couldn't read you most of the time ."
"Don't read me . Ask me . Talk ." Arizona sat on the empty space on the bed , right next to Callie . "I just love the feeling of being around you , Calliope . I may be quiet but I know what I am doing and what do I feel . I don't talk much but I love y.. - I love .. the feeling that I get sitting next to you . And here's the thing , you need to make a conversation . Because I am quiet , and you are the one who usually talk in this relationship ."
"Always talk means nagging , right ?" Callie looked at the blonde . "I don't want to pick up a wrong topic . You might get upset and shut me down again ."
"I will try not to after this , I am sorry ." Arizona sighed deeply .
"Arizona , I want you start letting me in . I want us to have a progress ."
"How do I let you in , Calliope ? I am afraid that after I completely let you in , you will only leave me ." Arizona shook her head .
"Leave as in leaving you for someone else or leave as in … die and leave you forever ?" Callie carefully asked . "Like Joanne ?"
But the question was left unanswered by the blonde .
"See , this what I am saying . You couldn't be honest with me . If you couldn't , at least do yourself some favor and please start being honest with yourself ." Callie scoffed .
Arizona kept her mouth shut for a few minutes . "I don't think that you will leave me for other people , I know you . I am just .. just afraid that you will die too ."
Callie's heart sank when the last sentence escaped from Arizona's lips .
"It's been awhile since the last time I felt these amazing feelings . I couldn't deny it , it is nice to feel it again but in order to keep this feeling in , to keep you to myself .. I have to take my walls down , take a real risk and .. And just put a huge amount of trust in what I'd call a fucked up universe due to my experience . I feel exposed , all of my defenses and controls will be gone . But I want to be with you . And I know exactly what you want from me . I am trying to give it to you . But this dark clouds keep following me around ."
"Now I understand why you ran away from me before . You felt like those broken pieces will cut your feet too deeply if you stay around for too long . But I am here now . I will pick up those pieces and you don't have to run away from yourself anymore . You can stop running now , Arizona ." Callie bit her lower lips before she continued . "You are so worth it to me , you are worth it to stay with . Not because you rich or whatever but because you have a very pure heart that you are just too afraid to show it . You can stop running right now , Arizona . I will love you and your dark shitty clouds and I will hold you when thing gets hard . This time , just stay with yourself and your feelings . Keep the feelings there and just go with the flow . Stop fighting it . Stop control things and just let go ."
Arizona stared deep into the beautiful brown eyes . Did she just told me that she loves me ? All this time , she kept telling herself that she didn't need another human to make her life complete . She just buried herself with works and convinced her heart that she didn't need love to heal herself . But now let's be honest , having her wounds kissed by the woman sitting next to her , who didn't see the wounds as disasters in her soul ; it felt so good , it was probably one of those most calming feelings in this fucked up world . The brunette's intention was nice . She wanted to cracked open her cold heart , to filled it with love that Arizona never thought she deserved to have it again . And Arizona knew that she needed to at least give Callie something .
"But you cannot ignore me again whenever you started to have those dark clouds , when you feel like the universe is crushing down on you . Or else , we will be right back where we start ." Callie held Arizona's cold hand . "We will be okay as long as we communicate . Tell each other what we feel ."
"I am going all in this time . I won't make you sad again . And yes , we do have a bad communication ." Arizona's soft laugh filled the loft . All her worries slowly disappeared but she knew it would come back again . Like always . But for now , she wanted stay like this . Happy and laugh . With Calliope . Seeing her everyday . Her beautiful broad smile was everything to Arizona . It was a contagious smile . And deep down inside her heart , she knew after this she would done everything to keep it on those red lips . The smiles . "We will figure it out on how to improve the way we communicate ."
Arizona pulled Callie in , hand resting on Callie's shoulder with the brunette's head on her chest , she whispered . "Just now . Did you just tell me that you love me ?"
Callie froze in her position . Holy crap ! She thought Arizona didn't hear it just now . "I ... I do love you . I love you ."
"Wo…woah . I .. I - " Arizona didn't know how to respond as Callie's finger already on her lips , shuushing her .
"Don't ." Callie cut her off . "You don't have to say anything . And I don't want you to say those three words to me only because I said it . I want you to mean it when you say it . So don't . Let's just pretend that I didn't say anything ."
"Callie , you are rambling now . You said those words to me . I received an 'I love you' from you tonight and you want me forget that ? Are you kidding ? It's mine !" Arizona had the same arrogant smile back then when they both did nothing but fought with each other . "In case you didn't know , I am a very possessive person ."
"And a control freak too . Hmm , just perfect ." Callie replied with a wink .
Arizona's smile grew bigger but then she saw the bruise on the Latina's forehead . "Oh yes , I forgot . I brought you the cream . It was in my pocket just now .. Wait ." She left the bed and walked toward the bathroom .
A few seconds after that Arizona returned to the bed . "Lie down , I'm gonna put the cream on your forehead ."
Callie just observed the blonde as she did what Arizona ordered her to do . Lying full on her back , the intense blue eyes were staring at her , on her forehead to be exact .
"Stop me if it hurts ." Arizona's pink lips was moving slowly as she uttered those words . She slowly rubbed the cream on the bruised part .
Callie bit her lower lips when she felt the cold cream soothed down the bruise as she tried her best to suppressed the need to just grabbed Arizona by the neck and kissed her , again . The last time they kissed , Arizona freaked out . But it was a nice kiss , though .
Yes , she knows that they both shouldn't rush things . Arizona is running away again is the last thing she needs . Callie knew that this wasn't only about herself .
"Done ." Arizona carefully moved aside as she gave Callie a reassuring smile . "Don't worry . The bruise will be gone in three or four days ."
Damn .. That intense blue eyes . She is so beautiful even with all the so call shitty clouds surrounding her soul , Callie found herself having a little monologue inside of her head .
Reviews are much appreciated : )
She asked me once , 'Why was on that one time you were so determined to leave me ? You convinced me that everything was over . And now you said you want me back ?'
I said nothing but only silence .
I can't tell her exactly what I feel . Because it will be just like throwing away all of the walls that I've built for years . The real reason is ; everytime I look at her , I see happiness . I see love , a very pure love that loved me more than anyone else ever loved me . And then I look at myself in the mirror . I see troubles , I see complicated . I see damages draw all over my face . And then I started to comparing myself , doubting . My faults , my scars ... Something as beautiful as her doesn't deserve this kind of mess . She should be happy , she should be with someone that always happy that would makes her happy , like real shit happy .
And now I want her back . She is the only person that could always makes me feel like there's more inside of me . But no , she isn't coming back . I hurt her with my words when I told her 'it's over' . Her love for me is far too gone .
I will always love you , sayang .
