"When you choose to love someone who is damaged , you take on the weight of their past , their pain , their guilt ... You must be strong , you must be patient . You can stop the bleeding and help them scar over , But they will always , always be a little broken . If you can handle that , if you can accept the dents and the cracks , if you can get get them to trust you ... You will never find a better ally than one who is damaged . Above all else , they know about survival . And after all , they are still here ... wondering if someone like you will ever love them ."
Callie POV
So , Arizona just left me ? Again ? I groan , trying not to think about it as I look at myself in the mirror . I took a shower just now and even though with the strong smell of my own shampoo , I can still smell her perfume . There is no way I am going to wash that pillow cover , I thought to myself as I look over my shoulder .
Last night was perfect . We did nothing , of course but her presence in my small loft was out of ordinary . After all , it was her first time coming up to my loft , to the place where I actually lived . And it was raining outside and we just cuddled up in each other arms until .. I think .. I was the one that fell asleep first . And the feeling of using your loved one's body as an extra blanket to yourself ? It was a lovely feeling .
Checking my phone again - still no text message from her , I begin worrying myself . What if she runs away again ? I walk down the stairs with my head having a lot of 'what ifs' questions .
"Callie , are you okay ?" Lexie asks from the counter .
Lexie ! Arizona left my loft and she doesn't have any keys , it's impossible for her to just left without locking the front door , right ? So maybe at some point , Arizona did bump into Lexie before she left ? I am still having a lot of questions inside of my head . "Lexie , did you see Ar- anyone ? I mean , what time did you arrive just now ?" I carefully avoid myself from saying her name , not wanting any question raises by the younger brunette regarding about my still fragile relationship with Arizona .
"You mean , did I see Arizona or not ?" A bright smile is on Lexie's face as she walks forward . "She left in hurry about twenty minutes ago . I have to say this , she looks kind of hot in your clothes !"
Oh god , Lexie knows ! But then my heart sinks . She left … ?
"Sit down . Your face look like you just had a bad sex last night ." Lexie forces me to take a seat at the same table I put my laptop last night . "I am going to get the breakfast she ordered for you ."
A few minutes later , Lexie approaches the table with a cup of latte and a full platter set of breakfast . There's egg , ham , cheese , muffins , tomatoes . Instantly , I raise my eyebrows toward Lexie in confusion .
"She said she knew that she should stayed and had breakfast with you but she needed to get ready for work . So she ordered you all of this . She paid for all this ." Lexie explains . "So , the face that you were making just now … The sex with her is that bad , huh ?"
"Lexie ! No , we didn't have sex last night . We were just hanging out and . Nothing happened ."
Lexie narrows her eyes , not buying anything I just said .
A few customers coming in and I quickly take this opportunity to free myself from the investigating session Lexie just started . "There ! Go help Hannah ."
"You still owe me explanation on why was she wearing your clothes …" Lexie winks before she finally leaves the table .
I shake my head as I can finally let out a deep breath . For a minute , I thought she was freaking out again . The conversation we both had last night was genuine but I can't help it but still feeling worried if one day Arizona will leave me again . What if she suddenly backs up ? Knowing that I can't forever living like this , I know I should start working on the trust issue I have on her . Everyone deserves a second chances or in this case of me with Arizona , a third chances , right ?
I take a sip of the coffee in front of me and god , it feels so good . Opening my laptop , a paper suddenly falls on my lap . It is folded two , I raise my eyebrows as I open the letter .
Baby girl ,
I want you to know that I woke up this morning with a smile on my face . I feel so blessed because when I opened my eyes , I found a very pretty woman had her arm wrapped around my body . I wanted to wake you up but your face was just too cute that I didn't have the heart to interrupt your sleep . I want to apologize for taking your time last night . I knew you were doing some work before I came by . And also , I am sorry that I had to leave so early . I have to prepare myself for a sudden meeting and it's my first day back at work after four months . And oh , how I wished I could stay around for breakfast . But it doesn't matter because as you are reading my words , I am too .. is thinking about you . I might be extra busy today but I will keep spending the rest of my day thinking about you that I hope I don't start seeing your face on my secretary's . I don't want to be delusional but I feel like I am drugged by you :D Enjoy your breakfast . And I also want you to know that I gave a kiss on your forehead before I left , I hope it will soothes down the bruise a little .
- Arizona (I am smiling as I put the pen down)
Oh god ! I am still writing !
Until then , baby , happy working ! xx
I laugh to myself as I read the last few sentences . Arizona is being funny without sarcasm ? That is something I have never seen before . I happily take my first bite of the breakfast Arizona bought for me from my own shop before I decided to type a quick message to her .
Thank you for staying last night .. I thought you bailed on me this morning . Hope you already had a cup of coffee to sober you up from all your delusional thoughts . And you were a doctor , right ? You did know that kisses don't heal bruises …? I want something else for the bruise you caused on my forehead .
- Your secret drug dealer Xx
I smile as I hit the send button . I want to text more and even give her a call ! But I force myself not to as I don't want myself to appear as a very desperate for love woman .
Instead , I continue to eat my breakfast , smiling . Sure , there is a lot for us to working on . The communication errors between us , considering that we started off on the wrong foot . But there's never a second in my life that I feel regret when Arizona walked into my shop for the first time . But I did regret for causing her trouble by accidentally pouring down the coffee on her shirt , my smile grows bigger as I thought that .
My thoughts are soon killed by the sound of my phone ringing . I quickly check my phone , hoping that it's Arizona who is calling me . But my hope is completely destroyed when I see the caller .
"Aria .. Hey , how are you ?" I try my best to hide the disappointment in my voice .
"Callie ! I'm great but my feet aren't It's been a few months since the last time you called Papa . He basically forced me to make this phone call . How are you ?" The happy voice from the other line asks .
I roll my eyes . Yeah , I know Aria and my Mama . They both aren't big fans of my sexual orientation . And they won't call me unless there is something important happening in Miami . Or in this case , my father is the one that had to force Aria . "I'm doing okay . Where's Papa ?"
"He's out . Probably just arrived at the hotel by now . So .. are you still dating a person that has the same exact things as yours ?" The inquiry session starts , oh no .
"Umm , are you asking me if I am still practicing homosexuality ? The answer is yes ." I start to get uncomfortable .
"Ughhh !" Her younger sister exclaims .
"No , don't ughh me ." I clear my throat . "This is who I am , Aria . You are my little sister , you should be supporting me instead of asking when I will finally stop all of this , that to you and Mama , is one of the greatest sin in life . It won't go anywhere and please tell Mama that this isn't an experiment . It's been fifteen years , you guys should accept the way I chose to live my life by now ."
I let out a deep breath as I finished my words . I can hear Aria from the other line sighs too . Aria is in her six weeks of pregnancy and her feeling so stressed out is the last thing I want from her .
"I still don't understand all of this . I wanted to support you , I really do but I just can't because …"
"It's not you , Aria . You are just taking Mama's side because you have always been her little girl . You have a few gay friends , you should be open about it right now . But instead , you just chose to stood up with Mama against me ." I shake my head as I speak . I have a younger sister but growing up , I always feel like I don't have any sibling . Maybe we both have too many differences to just blend in together . But I know that Aria's opinion about me and my sexuality isn't her personal opinion . It is more to my mother's opinion . And to pleases her , Aria just follows whatever my mother does . The way she thinks , the way she walks , the way she breathes .
"Cal , look .. The reason I call you isn't because I want to fight with you ..."
"Yeah , Papa forced you to give me a call . You told me earlier ." I cut her off . "You just had to check up on me . After this , you are just gonna give a report to Papa and maybe to Mama too . Go ahead , tell Mama about me still living in a sinful life ."
"No , it's not about that . It's something else . Could you just let me freaking finish my words ? Aunt Cal , you will have a niece soon !"
"Whatttt ?" My eyes are wide open by now . "It's a girl ?"
"It's a girl ! Ed and I went for the check up yesterday . The doctor confirmed that it's a girl ." Aria announces joyfully through the phone .
"I am so happy for you , Aria . I really do . Now you gotta figure out some cute names and write it down so that I can choose one for her middle name . Girls's names !" I smile to myself .
At least there is something that we can be happy about , together . I thought to myself as Aria keeps telling me about her plans for the baby room and the baby clothes . No , my mother can't tear us apart . Not anymore .
Arizona POV
0920hrs
"I am sending you samples of the cement from our company for you to test ." The Taiwanese man extends his hand . He is the same man that met with Nathaniel a few days ago . "It should arrives in a few days ."
"That's so generous of you . But you know that even if your cement is better , we still got another one year contract with our current supplier . We can't just break the contract ." I shake his hand firmly .
"I know , I know . I just want you to know that you do have another option before signing a new contract with your current supplier ."
"I will keep that in mind before signing another deal with them . But after all , quality comes first ." I nod my head as we both walk toward the big door of my office .
"Our cement is not well known as the one you are currently using but our quality is still the best ." Mr. Xiang tries to convince me for one last time . "That is I can promise ."
Yeah , everybody says that when they are selling their products . I hold myself from rolling my eyes .
"It's a pleasure to meet you , Miss Robbins ." Mr. Xiang says as his assistant hands his coat to him .
"Likewise ." I walk them to the elevator .
Once the Taiwanese men both disappeared , I quickly walk back to my office . I still have a lot of papers to go through by today and then later I have staff meeting . I'd like to know what happened during my four months of absence , so I can't just cancel it eventhough right now I really feel that there is not enough time for today .
And Calliope .. I don't get a chance to even check my phone since I left her loft this morning . I want to hear her voice , I thought to myself but then I see the paperworks on my large desk , all ready and waiting to be checked by me . I quickly cancel my plan as I return to my desk . It's going to be a very long day .
Or maybe I am just being too hardworking , I thought to myself . But never in my life I abandoned my job without completing it . The workaholic trait , I got it from The Colonel . He taught me not to delay anything , any work .
You just don't know what tomorrow may brings you , Arizona . So while you have your time , do everything as good as you can , completes it and prepares for unexpected things coming to you from unexpected direction . I got shot in my left arm once because I didn't prepare myself enough for the terrorist's counter attack back then in Iraq . Don't let that happen to you . Be prepared . Finish your work and wait for another but always be in your standby mode . I swear that I could hear my father's words floating around my empty office .
I inserted the key into the hole , slowly unlocking the door . I had just finished a 7 hours surgery on a little boy . The surgery was successful but being the cautious doctor I had always been , I assigned a resident to keep an eye on him for the next 24 hours as I also reminded the resident to called me straight away if something happened .
And now after the long procedure , I found myself crawling back to my home . I just wanted to bury myself into my wife's chest .
"You said that you would be back before 10 ." Joanne was watching the muted television .
"I got caught up in surgery , I'm sorry ." Placing the keys on the dining table , I placed a kiss on her head .
But she avoided any of my touch afterward . "You missed his first first day of pre school today . And he just .. kept asking for his mommy . Anything else coming up next that you think you will miss ?"
"I was in a surgery !" I dropped my bag on the floor . A few seconds after that , I felt regret yelling at my wife . We did argue before this but I never raised my voice before as high as like right now . The pressure that I received from Joanne along with the amount of energy that I spent in the OR today trying like hell to saved that little boy was turning me into an unrecognizable person in Joanne's eyes .
She was clearly shocked with the tone I used on her . "So .. It's okay to yell now ? Wow !"
"I'm a doctor , Joanne . I have my responsibility as a doctor . And it was an unplanned surgery . I was changing into my clothes when my pager went off ."
"You are not the only Pediatric surgeon that the hospital have ! There must be somebody else ."
"That kid is my patient ! And I am the best in my own department ! I just can't let other people do the surgery ." My hands rested on both sides of my waist as I looked at her bitterly . God , why she just couldn't understand me and my job by now ?
"Even it means missing out the important days in your son's life ?" Joanne folded her hand as she looked at me in complete disbelief .
"I hate to say this . But let's say IF it is Aiden in this situation . IF something happens to him , I'd want the best surgeon in the country to operates on him , to treats him . Not just some average emergency room doctor . You'd want the same thing too ."
"Yes ! But if it happens , I'd want my wife by my side too !" Joanne stood up . I could hear her sobbing by now . "You have been making promises that you couldn't keep lately . I don't know who you are anymore , Arizona . Maybe we should get a div.."
Knowing what she wanted to say , I quickly cut her off . "Don't say that ! Okay , I am sorry that I missed his first day . I love you both , please ... Understand me ."
For a few seconds , we both were just staring at each other before the silence finally killed by Joanne herself .
"You should sleep in the guest room for tonight ." Joanne left me in the living room , alone .
I just stared blankly at the television . Sure , no couples were immune from the rocky roads ahead of them and for us ? We've had our happy times but lately it were all about the bad ones . But I would never let what Joanne wanted to suggest happen to us . What Joanne said was true , that lately I hadn't spend enough quality time with my family .
But a divorce ?
I could accept a divorce if someone wanting it because of unfaithfulness in a marriage but because of a spouse's spending lack amount of time with her family was just unacceptable for me . And I couldn't hide it but feeling a bit disappointed with what Joanne was about to suggest just now .
Work .
That is what Joanne hated about me . How easily I am slipping into my own world once I am in my working mode . It could be me and my patient for hours inside of the OR . No interruption allowed . And now Callie ? Handling a company is just as tough as being a surgeon . Will she understands me ? Or will I finally let the works go and focus on the amazing woman , the woman that I am starting to feel like I am falling in love with her ?
Sliding my phone out , I decided to give Callie a short phone call . But before I can do that , three short knocks on the door stop me as Evelyn entered the door in hustle .
I raise my eyebrows toward her direction .
"I'm sorry to barged in but Mister Nate asks you to check your email . ASAP ."
"Alright ." I put down my phone on the table . Work !
1650hrs
I watch all of my staffs left the meeting room , one by one . Hearing they explained about the reports and seeing the reports by my very own eyes , I believe that they all did an excellent job while I was away .
There it goes , all of the important stuffs for today are done . I don't care anything anymore . I just want to text her and tell her all about it , all about the day I just went through .
After making sure that no one else is in the meeting room , I slide out my phone from the pocket of my dark blue blouse . Eagerly unlocking my phone , I quickly check my inbox to open the unread messages from Callie . Nine hours ago . Well done , Robbins . You better pray that she isn't mad at you for the late reply .
I grin as I read the message . Callie carries on with the way I signed off my letter this morning and it's hilarious . But there's just something is making me disturbed . Her words about me bailing on her again . But it isn't Callie's fault at all . The way I treated her before is the main reason that she will probably have doubts in me and my way of handling the hard stuffs . Maybe it will sticks to her head forever ; how I used to backed away from her . Deciding not to end my seems to be bright mood for today , I quickly push the guilty thought away from my head .
'I want ..something more ?' Like .. what ? You could be so demanding , Miss Torres . That's new to me . And I passed my 9 hours of misery without you with flying colors , no delusional thoughts at all .
But now I want you … Can I come to your place after work ?
- Addicted Boss , Arizona Robbins xX
After fixing my blouse and the pencil skirt I am wearing today at the restroom , I found myself walking to my office with a visible smile on my face as I reread my message that I just sent to Callie . I am still waiting for her to reply , though .
And I think it's shocking for Evelyn to see my eyes glued to the phone while a smile is on my lips that she has to look at me twice just to make sure she isn't dreaming .
I give a light nod to her before I push the wooden door to my office . Continuing with my work , I check my phone regularly for a new message . I know I can't do anything of my work right now . It's useless .
Calliope just turns me into a high school student mode , waiting for her girlfriend to respond to a text message .
Ding .
A text message comes in . I grab my phone before the vibration of my phone even stops .
I will be waiting for you :)
Your humor is new to me too !
Me and my demand are nothing to be compared to your controlling freakiness , and hey , did you tidy up my place before you left ? Control freak , neat freak .. Wow , just wow . And hey , I waited hours for you to reply my message : (
- Callie (I am feeling so lonely , can you just come here right now ?)
Both of her thumbs quickly tap on the screen of the letters .
Lonely ?
It's just five now , don't tell me all your workers already gone home ? You are making me having trouble to concentrate on my work , do you know that ? And I am sorry for the late reply . However … I will make it up to you , okay ?
- Addicted and now Disturbed , Arizona Robbins
Fuck the papers , I whisper to myself as I reread the last line from her previous text message . I gather all of the papers together and put it inside of the drawer . I will just leave now .
Ding .
I don't have to read the sender's name , I just know . It's from her . I laugh when I remember how much I hate that sound coming from my phone this morning and now I am totally loving it , the sound of a text message coming in from Callie .
Okay then , I want pizza for tonight !
It's just Lexie now here . Do you prefer me to cuddle with Lexie ?
- Callie Torres , open to any cuddlers right now .
p/s : Maybe Lexie is feeling generous today … ? Hmmm
I shake my head repeatedly as I get up from my seat with a briefcase in my hand .
NO , you are mine . I will be there in 45 minutes . And don't throw yourself at some straight girl just because you are hungry for some cuddles … ? It's unhealthy .
- I'm on my way , Arizona Robbins X
I exit my office as I hit the send button with a smile clearly shown on my face .
I spy a jealousy coming from you ;)
Take your time please and drive safely . Don't rush . I am not going anywhere .
- Now waiting eagerly , Callie Xx
Me , jealous ? I laugh and I think my laugh is just too loud as everyone is looking at me right now .
"You are going home ?" Evelyn is the one that breaks the awkward silence after my loud laugh . A clear evidence of surprised is on her face as she knows that usually , I am the last person that will leave the office .
"Yes , and you all should too . It passed five already . Go home ! Spend your time with family ." I say happily before making my way toward the elevator .
Woah ! I am changing . It's a good thing , right ? My heart refuses to answer that question . It's still too early . After all from what I've learned , happiness doesn't always last ...
I don't have anything else to say for now ... but keep the reviews coming in . I may be quiet but I read em all and I appreciate them . G'night , guys .
Thursday
2nd March 2017
0345hrs
