Seize The Moment : Please Don't Hold Back
They say there are three things you can't recover in life :
The moment after it's missed The words after it's said And the time after it's wasted
Seattle
It was late in the evening when Callie was doing her ordering for the rest of the month . Ever since she and Arizona officially began dating , she had always found herself flying around the country with the blonde businesswoman either for a short vacation or simply as an official date for Arizona to all the gala nights she had been invited . And she knew she had put burden on Lexie too many times with the ordering and salary paying for the staffs .
"I can handle the account , Callie . You just got back from New York and probably still jet - lagged yourself . You might do some error with the accounting ." Lexie had just finished cleaning the kitchen .
"I am just stocking up the items that we need for the rest of the month ." Callie looked up with a smile . She would get this thing done . Lexie had covered up most of the things that she should did it by herself and the least thing she could was handling the stocks .
"I thought we order things once a week ?" Lexie pulled the chair in front of the Latina .
"Well , that is going to change . I am ordering for a month now ." Callie was typing in the items into the templates . "I won't come here daily after this ."
"Oh , really ?" Lexie asked with a playful tone in her voice . It wasn't really a shocking news to her as Callie had been staying at the blonde's penthouse more than at her loft this month . They seemed to be inseparable these days . "When will you finally move in into her penthouse ?"
"It's probably too soon for that …" Callie mumbled . "And she hasn't said a word about moving in , so nope ."
"Really ? I thought she already asked and you rejected the idea ." Lexie rubbed the side of her neck , thinking really hard as she tried to absorb in the information she just got from Callie . "You saw the paper today , Callie ? There's a photo of you and Arizona at the airport , right after you both arrived yesterday ."
Right after that , Lexie shoved the newspaper to Callie's direction . Just glancing , the brunette didn't make an effort to open it . And here we go , Callie had started with her babble . "I saw that photo . I never know that business column also has their own gossip section . It's so plain stupid not to mention , invading into other people's life ." Taking a deep breath , Callie stopped for a moment before she continued again ." Wait a sec , why would I reject if she asks me to move in ?
Callie used to be a journalist , she knew how hot the gossip could be with the gossip columnists were all racing to get the newest and freshest gossips , but that was only regarding the famous people in entertainment world . She never actually thought that in business world , there was also love gossip flying around . And she took it personal , the gossip .
"Because she has a history of running away when things get really hard ..? And you don't want to move in until you are sure that she won't run away again ?" Lexie and her wild imaginations , she got a point actually .
Callie could only shook her head to the left and right . "People makes a rash decision and at that time they thought it is the right one . And we as a bigger person , should give them another chance ." The Latina had a small smile on her lips as she let out those wise words .
"Holy crap . You really love her , aren't you ?" Lexie clapped her hands . "Mark doesn't have to worry about you growing old being single and all alone after this ."
"You and Mark are the perfect example of evil couple , you know ?" Callie rolled her eyes dramatically . "Aren't you supposed to be at home by now ?"
"Yeah , I should get going . You will lock this place up , right ?" Lexie left her seat , grabbing her jacket that was hanging near the staircase to the loft . "And are you staying here tonight ?"
"Yes , I will . I don't know about staying for the night but I promised Arizona that I will wait here until she gets back from Portland ." Callie glanced at the clock in her laptop screen . She still had a few hours to go until Arizona came back from Portland .
Upon reaching the front door of the coffee shop , Lexie suddenly stop for a moment at the doorway . "Damn , I forgot to bring this one set of table in ." She said , referring to the lonely set of table with two chairs on the pavement .
"Lexie , it's okay !" Callie yelled from her seat . "I will take care of it . You just go home , okay ?"
"Thanks , see ya tomorrow .. If she ever let you out of her house ..." Lexie winked playfully as she closed the front door , leaving Callie all alone in the shop .
The Latina looked up to the screen again but at last , she ended up staring at the newspaper . Grabbing it , she opened the page where the photos of her and Arizona located along with the big headline , 'Arizona Robbins planning a big propose for her girlfriend soon ?' . Callie sighed . For Callie , a marriage proposal was not a small thing . It was an important step of taking one relationship to another level . It was the step of getting ready to embark a new journey of life . To fully trusted another person by completely letting them in , sharing each other's lives together and eventually came as one .
And marriage was supposed to be a sacred thing between two people . The proposal , though should be something private without people watching their every moves . And Callie ? She loved a romantic marriage proposal , she was a sucker of romantic things but privacy was an important thing too for her . If Arizona was planning to propose her , Callie hoped that Arizona would do it in private , with only the two person that getting married involved and she knew that thing wasn't going to happen anytime soon . Arizona and her had known each other for a quite time now but for in term of romantic relationship , they were still too new . Three months new . And there was no way in the hell Arizona going to propose her anytime soon as the blonde was well known for her cautious trait . Arizona was a well organized person , she wouldn't make a rash decision , right ? Callie sighed frustratedly , all of the rumors spreading around was pissing her off . But just what actually that pissed her off ?
The hyped up feeling knowing something wonderful was going to happen while the truth … it was nowhere near to happen . Yes , that was what making her upset . You don't want to get your hopes high without knowing if it would happen for sure .
But if Arizona suddenly proposed her , what her answer would be ? Callie would like to keep the answer to herself .
A quick glance through the window from her table , Callie saw someone was standing outside there . She stood up and walked to the window , wanted to get a clearer view of who was it . It seemed like she had a visitor . Who could it be ?
The chill brisk air hit her body . She was wearing a leather jacket but still , the air was cold . It is about to rain , maybe , she thought as she briefly looked up to the dark sky before her eyes finally fell on the signboard of the shop . For a moment , she was wondering if she got the right address . The place seemed to be closed . Taking out a pack of cigarette from her jeans pocket , she put one in between her lips before she lifted the lighter up , covering the source of the fire with her palm .
As she took the first great breath of the smoke while her eyes still eyeing up the red door to the shop , suddenly the door was opened from the inside and there she was … The person she was looking for .
"Hi ." Echo simply said , putting the cigarette away from her mouth for a few seconds before taking another breath of it . She looked extra miserable than always . The flirty smile that she always had on her face was nowhere to be found now .
"Echo , how .. how did you find me ?" Callie stood at the doorway , stuttered , certainly wasn't the visitor she expected .
"Can I come in ?" The curly haired woman dodged Callie's question with another question . "I could use a friend to talk to ."
Callie scanned the face in front of her . She looked very tired , confused and sad . A mixture of all that . Callie looked over her shoulder to the inside of her shop , it just smell coffees in there . "It's a non smoking area in the shop . But we can talk outside here ."
"Outside is perfect ." Echo dragged the chair out for Callie , letting the Latina to took her seat . After that , she quickly settled on her own chair .
"What's going on ?" Callie did not waste anytime and just asked the burning question . It was a little bit shocking that Echo managed to found her here , in Seattle .
"He wants to see me , David ." Stating it , Echo tried her best not to show any emotion .
Callie gave Echo a sympathetic look . She knew what was going on right now for Echo was really hard . Her ex girlfriend probably was fighting with a heavy feeling . David was her father . When they were still dating , he had always been such an intense topic between them with Callie trying to persuaded Echo to find her father .
But Echo never followed her advice .
Seattle
Getting inside of her blue Audi , Arizona put the large box of pizza down on the passenger seat . Two bottles of wine were sitting perfectly next to the box , the blonde found herself smiling as she drove her car back into the road . She had got themselves a box of pizza and wines and what else ? Oh , she had also got a surprise for Callie . The brunette didn't know that she was coming home early than expected . It would be a great surprise , Arizona thought . Being with Callie made her become a homely person as these days , she found herself wanted to spend more of her times with Callie together at home .
Today had been a total success . She managed to close a deal for the land in Portland , the land she had set her eyes on since last year . And Arizona couldn't wait to get to the brunette's coffee shop and finally took her to her penthouse to celebrate the day . The blonde had a plan obviously , she would park her car at the back of the shop and came in from the kitchen area with the pizza to surprise the brunette that would be totally oblivious to the plan . And the wines would be just the perfect companion for them in the bed , Arizona was grinning from ear to ear .
She wanted to be near Callie as soon as she could but the slow traffic in front of her was a little spoil to her plan , Arizona stared at the car in front of her . Just another obstacle she has to go through … As she waited for the car in front of her to moved forward , Arizona's mind was wandering on something she read today . The rumors of her planning to propose Callie soon … she smiled like a silly person as the article kept playing on in her head .
"What I don't get is , why now ?" Echo asked with an anger in her voice . She was clearly in confusion with a little bit of feeling sick down her stomach , sure , but anger was trumping down all of the other feelings .
"Maybe after all these year , he has come to his sense ." Callie as always , chose to trust kindness . She had always been the moral compass to Echo regarding about her estranged father and family . Callie knew the woman in front of her knew nothing about family matter , as Echo always said back then , she never had a great example of a beautiful family to trying to start one . "And you said that he told you on the phone that he misses you , her daughter ."
"It's more than thirty years already . I bet his sense kicks in when he realized that he's old and probably going to die alone ." Echo snorted . "Or maybe he thinks that I have a good work and rich now . Oh , I get it , he thought I have lots of money now . Maybe he just wants some of it ."
"He's your father , without him , you wouldn't be here now . Give him the benefit of the doubt , just go see him and get to know him . After that , you can decide if you want him in your life or not ." Callie spoke with a sincere tone .
"You will never get it , Callie . I watched him beat the hell out of my own mother . And yes , she was a crack addict , maybe he wanted to teach her a lesson but she wouldn't be one if he didn't encourage her . He slept around , shoved his mistresses right on my mother's face . He .. he slept around ." Echo stopped speaking for a while as she realized what she just said , her face changed .
As if she understood the sudden change in Echo's face , Callie shook her head to the left and right as she tried to be as calm and genuine as she could . "I have forgave you for what happened that night , Echo . I held nothing against you . Including my feeling for you , I held nothing no more , and I have been wanting to make it clear ever since my birthday night . I hope you can understand ."
"I thought I could win you back ." Echo sighed but she still managed to put a bitter smile on her lips . "Do you really think I should meet him ?"
Callie felt a little bit relief when Echo decided not to drag the topic of what happened between them and instead focusing back on her father's issue . "When is he asking you to meet him ?"
"He said it would be nice if I reach Spokane tonight ." Echo replied . "I don't know what to do , you tell me ."
"I think you should meet him ." Callie answered easily . "I know you have spent your life , trying not to give a damn about him but I also know that deep down , you have always try to find a closure between you two . If it's a good closure or bad closure , it's okay because at least , you get your closure . And you don't have to spend your life wondering anymore ."
"That bastard abandoned me . I don't know if I can look at him in the eyes and trust whatever he is going to say ."
"Then , don't look . Just hear him out . Echo , you have spent your life not knowing the meaning of family is and believing that you don't deserve to have one when the truth is , everybody deserves to have one or start one . Hear him out , find your closure and after that , don't let him has the power of controlling your perspective on life without you realize it ." Callie had to calm the woman down , she just hated to see her upset , or anyone else upset . And if it was Arizona , she would give the same talk too .
"Thank you , Callie ." Echo's hand found her ex girlfriend's bronzed hand , it was still feeling so soft , she thought as she squeezed it . She truly appreciated the advice from the Latina . "You are always bubbly and happy and optimistic . You see things the opposite way I see them . Arizona is very lucky to have you ."
"No , I am the lucky one ." Callie laughed as she slapped away Echo's hand in the best polite manner she could . She wasn't really comfortable with Echo touching her hand but to expressed it loudly to the brunette ? She just not cruel enough to tell it directly to her face . Calliope Torres had always been an angel to everyone , that was a fact . Only in her mother's eyes she was a devil and the resident of the hell . Yeah , she's going to hell because of the homosexuality , her mother always said that .
Arizona pulled her handbrake as soon as the car stopped . The alley behind the shop was dark as the light was probably not functioning . One hand holding a box of pizza and another one holding the keys and a bottle of wine , Arizona found herself struggling to opened the metal door . Her plan was to get in as quiet as she could but the sound of keys jingling around was about to ruin her plan . Hopefully Callie isn't in the kitchen , Arizona prayed silently .
Opening the door , Arizona walked pass the kitchen before she hid behind the counter while her eyes were trying to find a glimpse of her sweetheart . Callie was nowhere to be found and that was a little bit weird as the laptop on the table was clearly on standby . As Arizona was about to climb the stairs to the loft , she saw the front door of the shop was wide open .
Putting down the wine and the pizza on the counter , Arizona quickly made her way to the front door . And what she saw after that quickly changed her mood . She clenched her fist as she saw Echo was holding Callie's hand , squeezing it while her girlfriend just laughed , slapping away the hand of the object of her disgust . And from where she was standing , it seemed like they both looked very happy and enjoying each other's company .
"Arizona ." Echo locked her eyes with the pair of blue eyes with a smile on her lips , which quickly made Callie turn around .
Arizona said nothing but she was giving a look at Echo and it was a very unpleasant look . As always whenever she pissed off , her strong jawline could be seen clearly as she gritted her teeth . Soon , the death stare didn't just stop at Echo but also to Callie .
"Arizona , I thought you will be here in another two hours like that ." Callie stood up from her seat , realizing that Arizona was looking very unhappy to see her with Echo . But her words just got wrongly read by Arizona .
"Oh , so that gave you a right for you to have a little hand holding , chit chat with her ?" Arizona tried to be as civil as she could , because she didn't want to scream at her girlfriend in front of a stranger but she just failed .
Unhappy wasn't the word to described what the blonde was feeling now . She was mad and hurt and she felt like wanted to punch the curly haired woman in the face . She was raging . A little bit over reacting you might say but that was just how Arizona reacted to the jealousy she started to feel but still refused to admit . Yes , her ego was too big to admit that she was actually jealous .
Callie just stood there , at lost for any words . She had seen this type of Arizona at the beginning of their relationship , the sarcastic and angry Arizona . Back then , Arizona's sarcastic words could hurt like a knife stabbed into the neck but that had slowly disappeared from time to time . Arizona was less angry nowadays but that didn't mean the sarcastic side of her had left her body . It would always be in there , deep down and the proof to it was right now .
"Dude , stand down . We were just talking ." Echo walked forward . "Is she not allowed to talk to anyone ?"
"Just not to you ." Arizona said firmly , her stare was sharp . "I saw the way you look at her and Callie maybe naive , but I know what are you up to ."
"Echo , don't ." Callie whispered as she looked down to the floor , too afraid to see what was going to happen next . Her voice was breaking . "Arizona , please don't ..."
The voice was in a low tone but Arizona heard it . For a moment , she focused her eyes on the brunette . And just for a moment , Callie saw Arizona's face had soften a bit .
"So now I can't even look at her ?" Echo shook her head . "You seemed to be so insecure , are you afraid of me winning her back ?"
"Echo , please . Just go ." Callie turned her face to Echo . She knew just what Echo was doing right now . She was provoking Arizona .
"You heard her ." Arizona suddenly spoke , her voice was cold .
"I will tell you how it goes ." Echo said to her ex girlfriend as she grabbed the full face helmet , putting it on before she jumped on her bike . Kicking once , the motorcycle roared as she gave Arizona a one last look , almost like a warning look . After that , she rode away , leaving behind a loud sound .
"Missing her already ?" Arizona asked sarcastically before turning away .
"Arizona !" Callie followed after the brunette into the shop . "It's not what you think it is ."
"I have a pizza and wine ." Arizona ignored Callie's words and instead , she brought the box to their table along with the wine . She wanted to move on . They could come back at this topic later but just not tonight .
But ignoring the problem didn't go really well with the brunette especially after Arizona just dropped a huge false accusation on her . She would admit to whatever she did but when it came to something she never did , like hell she would let people thought that she really did it . Callie looked up to Arizona who was standing in front of her as she opened her mouth . "You literally accused me of fooling with someone behind your back and now you wanted to just sit down and eat pizza , pretending nothing had happened ?"
"If you rather we argue now , yes we will do that instead of eating my supposed to be surprise pizza !" Arizona yelled to Callie . And that was the first time she ever yelled at Callie like that . "Goddamit , I tried to let it go but you just wouldn't let me , Calliope !"
"Oh , now you want to say that I am the reason we are arguing right now ? I am just trying to defend myself ." Callie replied .
"That's a fact . We are only arguing right now because you went behind my back , spending some good old times with your ex . You are the reason that I appeared myself stupid and hot tempered in front of your ex ." Arizona walked back to the counter . It was true , love was making Arizona looked stupid , like a young school girl stupid .
"She came here , should I call you whenever she comes here after this ?" Callie shook her head in disbelief , Arizona was acting ridiculously .
"You bet there will be another time after this for her to come here ." Arizona and her sarcastic tone .
"Are you jealous ?"
"Me ? Jealous ?" Arizona scoffed . Was she jealous ? If yes , would she ever admit it ?
"I am over her even before we met , Arizona . I am seeing her as a friend ."
"Well , find another friend ." It was a command from Arizona .
"All of this ." Callie pointed her index finger toward Arizona . "I will ignore it because all of this , it is just your jealousy ."
"I am not fucking jealous !" The blonde shouted from across the room , her vein was throbbing . They couldn't even agree that one of them was acting ridiculously because of a jealousy . And right now , many people and even the two lovebirds could only saw the differences between them that made they look unmatched to each other .
And if only one of them took their time to calm down and remembered their sweet memories that they had drew over the past few months , the fight would be over by now or there wouldn't be no fight at all at the first place .
"Fine , Arizona ! You are not jealous . You are acting like this because you are a stuck up , controlling , hot tempered woman ! You like me to painted you that way , right ?"
"Yes I am ! Are you feeling regret knowing me now ?" Arizona's voice was loud but by the end of the sentence , the tone was breaking , her voice was hoarse . Arizona had her own demons , she always knew that . Nobody wanted her the way Callie did before this . Nobody wasted their times putting up on her moodiness . Nobody but Callie and maybe the brunette just had enough of her hot and cold ways of handling one situation in this relationship . And suddenly , she could hear the words of the model woman her mother once tried to set her up with . The insulting words , it was said right here , in this coffee shop . And Callie heard it too . "Do you , Calliope ? Regret it ?"
"Arizona .." Callie's words were somehow stuck . Not once she felt regret knowing the blonde . Even when the blonde suddenly disappeared for four months , she didn't regret knowing her or confessing her feeling for her . Callie knew everything happened for a reason , she wouldn't go back and tried to change that .
"I told you before , I am not a good person . I still hold a grudge against my wife's killers , I don't forgive them . Every women my mother tried to pair me up with , I never took them seriously ." Arizona took a break and stopped for a while . She needed to keep it together as she was supposed to be the strong one in this relationship . "And there was once I took this girl out to be my fake girlfriend for a weekend visit to my parents's house ."
"I never regretted being that girl ." Callie was staring at Arizona . "And I will not have that regret feeling , ever ."
"Maybe Echo is great . She makes you happier and nothing like me . Maybe you wanted to be with her now and you have started to realize that you don't need me along with my pathetic life . Maybe you just realized that I have lots of baggage ."
"Yeah , Echo is nothing like you ..."
But just like it was the perfect timing , the blue eyes's cellphone rang loudly , disturbing the moment .
For the first two seconds , Arizona seemed to be lost at first as she just let the phone rang . Echo is nothing like you ... She never knew that a sentence could possibly wreck one's heart but she knew now . The only thing she didn't know was , Callie hadn't finish with her sentence yet . Callie wanted to say that Echo was nothing to be compared to Arizona and the brunette just loved her more than she ever loved anyone else . And the big truth she was about to say was , she had never been in love so deeper the way she was in love with Arizona .
Arizona took a deep breath before she answered her phone . The call seemed to be important as the caller didn't give up after the sixth or seventh tone . "Yes , I am the owner of the property ."
"What ?" Arizona furrowed her eyebrows , there was a surprise tone in her voice .
While Callie just looked at the blonde's face that had quickly change , Arizona seemed to be worried and shocked . A few moments after that , the blonde already grabbed her car keys and her coat .
"I will be there in thirty minutes ." Arizona put on her coat as her fingers quietly checked for a small important square box inside the pocket of her coat , making sure she didn't carelessly leave the item behind .
"Arizona , I haven't finish with my words yet ." Callie quickly grabbed the blonde by the wrist . Arizona needed to listen what she actually trying to say . She couldn't just let the blonde walked away with the thought of herself choosing Echo over her . "Where are you going ?"
"I have .. to go . I have to .. something came up .. My old house with Joanne … there's a break in ." Arizona was stammering with her own words . The police just called her , saying there was a break in reported by the neighbour at her home with Joanne . "We will figure this thing and what's best for you . Just .. not right now . 'Cause .. I got to go ."
Too many times we heard the saying , that it wasn't the right time at the moment and there would always be the next time . But something could just came up before 'the next time' . And when it happened , we would go back thinking about those precious two or three seconds of our lives when we really should just took the chances and said everything we wanted to say . That was the precious two seconds of our lives , and when we took it for granted , it would always eat us alive whenever we thought about it .
And for Callie , she never thought that was the precious two seconds of her life when she let go of Arizona's hand . Yes , Arizona would come back later after she calm down and they would talk it out like two adults with different opinions , Callie thought .
Funny , people tend to think that there would always be next time and the last next time , it usually hit them out of nowhere . It would certainly be painful , I have got a taste of it , so trust me .
Callie just watched Arizona walked into the kitchen , leaving the place using the back door . And she just sat there with a box of pizza in front of her and a bottle of expensive wine , staring at it as she thought how different the night would be if just now , she just sat there in front of her laptop , kept doing the ordering and not giving a damn of who was standing in front of her shop .
It had started raining outside and Arizona got into her blue Audi in hurry as she didn't even have a clue that someone just crawled out from under the car a few minutes before that . Starting the engine like she always did , she put on her seatbelt and took a deep breath . She needed to calm down as the adrenaline rush that was caused by the argument she had with Callie just now still hadn't left her body . And with the sudden news of a break - in of her home with Joanne , the one on the hill , she seemed to be so worried and wanting to be there as quick as she could . The house was her very private property , nobody should be getting into it without her permission . Once she had regain her composure , Arizona began to drove away in the rain .
And the only thing Arizona ever left behind was a pool of brake fluids leaking out from under her car and the blonde had no idea there was a leaking ...
You never think the last time's going to be the last time - you think there will be more . You think you have forever , but you don't .
It's being here now that's important . There's no past and there's no future . Time is a very misleading thing . All there is ever , is the now . We can gain experience from the past , but we can't relive it; and we can hope for the future , but we don't know if there is one .
Author's Note : Coming up for the next chapter , 'Sudden Trauma' .
Me : Okay , I know . It's been three months since my last update . And I promised you all that I wouldn't leave you waiting . But I did anyways . And I could only apologize for that .
A lot of things happened in my life in those three months that had me step away from writing . My mother had a surgery for her kidney problem , she is still in recovery . And me ? I have just fallen back into my old pattern , battling with my own demons . For the first few months , depression won . But a friend (she's like my free therapist tbh) helped me through the hard times and here I am . I'm good but I'm still fighting and she suggests to me not to sit alone and busy myself with more outdoor activities .
So , that's the story behind my sudden disappearance .
Honestly , I don't know how you guys will feel about this new chapter as I haven't update in months already . So I'm feeling a little bit nervous and odd about this one .
And for the next update , I can't promise when but I will update whenever I can .
Monday
14th August 2017
0440AM
