Disclaimer: I own no rights...i just have my little plot bunnies.
Authors note: I'm such a music kid. All my fic ideas seem to come from songs...today's muse is Reject by Stroke 9. There will be more to this story. This is a more or less Hermione point of view
PS: I had incorporated the lyrics to the song into the story but I was unaware that your no longer able to do that so I reposted them minus the lyrics. I do encourage you to look them up though. As I said the song is Reject by Stroke 9.
Hermione stormed out of the room slamming the door shut as she went. Her Carmel colored tresses trailing behind her as she ran down the stone hallway. She was livid. I can't believe he would say such things to me! How dare he! Who does he think he is! By the time Hermione reached the castle door she had calmed down considerably and decided a leisure walk around the lake would do the trick, then she could sit beneath her favorite tree and lounge about for a bit. Once Hermione had plopped ever so gracefully down onto the grass she began thinking about the conversation that had taken place no less than ten minutes ago. Hermione, I…I've been doing a lot of thinking lately…I…think we should take a break… I'm not happy with how things are going. I'm not happy with where we're going. I'm just…not happy. A break? Define "break" Have another girl all lined up don't we? Baby it's not like that. I need my space is all. At this point in the conversation Hermione was through; she ran away. A single tear trailed from the corner of her eye down her cheek as she sniffled slightly and took a deep breath.
I'm too good for him. I can do better. There are a million dependable, loving wizards out there that would love me for the clever witch that I am. She sighed noticeably but none as brilliant as this one was…
days later
Hermione did her best to try to go back to life as it had been a year ago, before he entered her life. She cried a great deal. She moved into her own quarters in the castle. She was a teacher there now. Professor Dumbledore had retired so Professor McGonagall took over as head mistress. Hermione had applied as the transfigurations professor and got the job. Hermione had attended university upon graduating from Hogwarts; she had graduated once again only a year ago. This was her first year as a teacher after she had done a year of independent study under Professor McGonagall.
A soft yet urgent knock came at Hermione's door. She opened the door and was wrapped into a loving hug from her best friend Harry Potter. They kept in contact with owls on a weekly basis while he was playing quidditch for the Chuddley Cannons. He was scheduled to be playing a game in Romania yesterday. She sent her letter as usual and went about fixing up her new quarters. Harry was about a head taller than she was, but he had grown a great deal since they had begun Hogwarts together at the age of 11. Harry's frame was slender yes, but it was quite lean, he had a fair amount of muscle on him. He needed to be small for seeker, but that is no excuse to have no muscle. He trained just as hard as the rest of his team mates. Hermione felt very secure in his muscular grip. She leaned her head into his chest and began crying. She hadn't expected him to come all the way from Romania. After a moment she composed herself some.
"Look at me. I don't even invite you in; just begin blubbering all over you as soon as you get here. I'm sorry."
"Shh. Never you mind that 'Mione. I'm here for you. And if that means standing just outside your quarters as you cry then so be it." He added that last bit in with a goofy grin on his face.
Hermione gave him a half hearted glower then backed away from the door to allow him entrance. She closed the door behind him then went about gathering some of her belongings out of the sitting room. "I'm sorry about the mess. I just moved and haven't gotten everything completely together yet…"
"It's quite all right, I didn't exactly give you any warning I was coming…"
Hermione smiled bashfully. She wasn't sure why. Harry had been there for her always, no matter what, even when she had been Little Miss Know-it-all in they're first year. They shared a smile before Harry helped her gather a few more things off of the merlot colored leather couch. Her sitting room was a very subtle pink with hardwood floors. A large fireplace had a fire roaring in it. Once the couch had been cleared Harry wrapped his firm grip about Hermione's shoulders once more. She gratefully accepted his embrace and leaned into his chest, inhaling deeply as if she was about to cry again.
"Hush 'Mione. He doesn't deserve these tears." Her breath caught in her throat. Thoughts began whirling a mile a minute through her brain. He's right you know…I was dumped by HIM. He doesn't deserve me to cry over him… Hermione held in the sob that was trying to escape. She wasn't going to cry anymore. Not over him. Not right now. She continued to hold Harry for a few moments longer as she composed herself. She smiled weakly as she released him from her grip. "You're right." She said, "Can I get you anything?" Harry considered her offer then decided a cold butter beer would really hit the spot. Hermione got one for Harry and one for herself. They sat on the couch and talked comfortably. Hermione asked about the game had gone. It was a close game. Harry caught the snitch just in time. The final score had been 170 to 150. He relived some of the highlights of the game for Hermione in such vivid details; Hermione was only half listening though. She always hated him playing; she would sit in the stands worried that he was going to get hurt. That worry was often in vein, but on several occasions her worry had been well spent. That wasn't the real reason for her only half paying attention to her friend. She had other things on her mind. She was thinking about the argument of only a few days ago. She knew Harry was right, tears weren't deserved, but it hurt. She was rejected.
Days weren't so bad; she had classes and people around here. She had distractions. It hurt, it hurt like hell; but she had distraction. Nights are what really killed her. No warm body to snuggle up against, no one to chat with minutes before falling asleep. And of course before falling asleep she would think. Her thoughts were deafening. They practically screamed into her ears. When she could actually sleep it took hours to fall asleep and she would wake up feeling worse than when she went to bed in the first place. If this kept up she was going to start needing to take potions to sleep. This wasn't healthy; she hadn't slept properly in a week and a half.
Things seemed to be getting easier for her. Hermione's quarters were completely unpacked now. She was starting to feel like home. She had been writing more frequently to Harry, not that there was much to share. But she felt better after she wrote to him. She also had taken to keeping a diary. Ginny had suggested doing such. She was at home with her family. She had a little boy and a little girl a year apart. She couldn't leave them to come visit, but Hermione had sent her a letter informing her of the break-up and Ginny sent her love and best wishes and apologized profusely for not being able to come and help make things right, but one of her suggestions was to write a diary so her feelings wouldn't get so bottled up and she would begin to feel better sooner than she thought if she did so.
She was glad that she had taken Ginny's suggestion. Since she had been writing before bed she seemed to be tormented by thoughtsfor less and less time each evening. She made a mental note that she should send an owl of thanks tomorrow. Hermione was slowly returning back to the old her. She was laughing and having fun at mealtimes again with the other staff. She even started visiting Hagrid in his hut at least once a week to catch up with him outside of dinners. Most importantly she was sleeping more regularly again. Hermione didn't think her life could get much better. She was finally happy again. It had been about two months since her break-up and Christmas break was rapidly approaching. Hermione could go home if she choose, she was not a head of house so it wasn't required of her to stay, but her parents had since passed on, so she didn't have anywhere to go per se. She was seriously considering spending the holiday at Hogwarts.
The morning before the children were to leave there was a hesitant knock at her chamber doors. That is a bit odd…I'm not expecting any company… Hermione's thoughts trailed off as she walked briskly towards the door as she called out "Just a minute". Hermione pulled open her door to see a large dark figure standing at her door.
"Severus…" Hermione trailed off momentarily out of shock. "What a…pleasant surprise."
"Hello Hermione." Was the only response she received.
Hermione took a mental note of his appearance. He looked worse for the wear. The circles under his eyes, which seemed to be a permanent fixture to his face, were the worse she had seen, even sincehis days as a spy. His skin was sallow and he hadn't appeared to be eating much, or sleeping for that matter. She almost pitied him. She may have felt more compassion for him had he not dropped her without warning.
"Mind if I come in?" Severus asked, wishing not to have the conversation he was hoping to have in the main corridors of Hogwarts for all to see.
"I guess." Hermione moved to allow him entrance to her sitting room before asking "Can I get anything for you?"
Severus ignored her question and walked briskly to the couch centered in front of the fire with his robes flapping menacingly behind him as he took the short trip. I swear that man bewitches his robes to do that as he walks. I've never seen anyone with such evil looking robes! Hermione stifled the giggle that was threatening to escape her lips; she knew that this was not an appropriate time to be giggling about the manner of Severus' clothing.
"Hermione…" Severus wasn't sure how to begin this conversation. His life had always been so calculated. Everything from how he walks about his class to when to grade his papers is timed precisely. However, with this young witch he was at a loss as to how to handle her and the predicament he currently found himself in. "I've been thinking…"
Hermione gave him a questioning look to prod his slow going process along.
"I…I've been a shadow of myself since you've gone. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I only relive that evening over and over again in my mind."
"Severus, if you remember correctly, you were the one that called it quits. You're the one that needed your space."
"I know what I said. That night tortures me so. I don't know what I was thinking. As soon as you stormed out I felt bad about hurting you. After realizing how much I must have hurt you I realized how much I was hurting myself…"
"So that's it then? You ripped my heart out Severus. You crushed me. And now you expect me to just take you back and pretend that nothing ever happened?"
"I did not say that. I'm well aware that I ripped your heart out. I was not aware, that I was going to rip my own heart out in the process though… I'm not saying to forget what was, but I would like to work on what we had, make it better; with your permission of course. I owe you an apology. I've never faired well in relationships. In time I became bitter and spiteful. When you loved me despite that, I guess I got scared. I didn't think anyone would ever truly want me. I didn't know what else to do but push you away. But that only made matters worse. Please Hermione. I'm begging you. Let me try to make this up to you."
"I need to do some thinking Severus…"
"Will you tell me at least if you'll be remaining here for the duration of the recess?"
"I will be staying. Good bye Severus." Hermione stood quickly and walked towards the door waiting for Snape to follow.
After closing the door Hermione put her back against the door and slowly fell to the floor.
oh cliffie! i like leaving on cliffhangers. i'm bad at planning out my stories before hand so it helps me pick up writing again. I often come up with something new for where to pick up then what i had in mind as i'm writing...we'll see where this takes us. let me know if you like it!
muzic
