Chapter 3

It had been two weeks, two long weeks. Stuck inside waiting for something to give. As it was, my sanity was the next in line. But sweet relief came in the form of a very unexpected messenger.

Karrde smiled at Ben on my lap; the three of us sitting in Luke and I's conversation area. "Can two months make that much difference?" he mused softly. "Next time I see him he'll already be waving a lightsaber."

"Don't give him any ideas, Talon," I teased. "Now, what brings you to Coruscant?"

"To see you and Luke isn't enough a reason?" he asked, pretending to be wounded.

"Maybe it is, but I know you, Karrde, killing two womp rats with one shot is more your style."

He smiled. "So it is…"

Just then Luke came back balancing drinks, two in his hands and one he levitated over to Karrde. Talon accepted it with a mildly surprised look on his face, before smiling wider. "That trick never gets old, does it?"

"More of a practicality," Luke laughed as he sat down next to me and Ben. "I only have so many hands."

He was certainly right about that, but after what he'd said on Grairr I stopped making the subject something I ever teased him about.

Taking a sip of my hot chocolate I waited anxiously for Karrde to come out with whatever he was holding so close to his chest. "So…?" I pressed him.

"So I have a bit of good news for you both," he said with pleasant satisfaction.

"Well," Luke smiled. "Good news is a lovely change from what we're usually given."

"I have a way of hearing things before the official reports are circulated," Karrde explained. "Recent intel suggests that the man who put the bounty on your head has been apprehended."

He wasn't wrong, that was great news. If it meant getting off Coruscant and everything going back to normal. Constantly being on high alert, and worrying about Ben, was pretty taxing after a while.

"That's wonderful!" Luke exclaimed, clearly as thrilled by the idea as I was.

The goons we'd sent to security had sung with ease and given us the name of the man who'd hired them. Now if he was detained then this whole Echo Driver mess might finally be over.

"I thought you'd be pleased." He glanced at me. "Especially you Mara, I know you hate staying caged up for long."

"It's definitely not my style, but we had to think of Ben first, of course."

The baby in question stared up at me curiously, clearly already aware of his name. I wondered what else he was picking up on. "Yeah, I'm talking about you," I teased him, poking his nose.

To our surprise, he laughed, a first that made Luke gasp softly. "He laughed, he hasn't done that before, has he?"

"Not that I've heard, no. And given that he sees how we both look first thing in the morning, that's some Jedi restraint."

Karrde chuckled. "I'm afraid he'll be grown up before you know it."

"Don't make me feel any older, please…" I mumbled, trying to hide my own sense of pride at his accomplishment. It was a sense that, of course, wasn't hidden from Luke. Instead, he sent me a warm fuzzy feeling in return, saying we were both going way too soft.

I sighed. We were hopeless at this point…

"So," I said, hoping to change the subject to someone else's awkwardness. "How's Shada and the crew? I still think about them all the time."

"Everyone's well…" he mumbled softly, the classic shift in his demeanor obvious to me even without the force. I hadn't gotten the whole story yet, but I had intel of my own about a few things.

"Congrats…" I said cooly. "Tell Shada that for me too, will ya?"

He grinned awkwardly. "Thank you, I will. But if you don't mind me asking, how did you find out exactly…?"

I smirked at him knowingly. "You taught me the tricks of the trade too well, Talon."

"Of course…" He sighed, before smiling at Luke. "A Jedi with all the skills of an information broker, I can certainly see you have your hands full, Mr. Skywalker."

Luke laughed but wisely didn't say anything.

After a bit, Karrde took his leave, which left us to decide where we went from there. Luke still wanted to wait on the official report, but I could see he was just as eager as I was to get out of here. I should have guessed where to.

"It'll be so nice to see the students again on Yavin," he whispered thoughtfully. I didn't know if he'd meant it as a subtle hint or not, but I took it nonetheless.

"About that…" I mumbled. "Mind if I give you a little company on your next trip?"

It was more than just my desperation to escape this house arrest, I'd given a lot of thought to how I'd been avoiding Yavin like a plague. My reluctance to be a teacher was based on the same fears that Ben was forcing me to overcome. While I wasn't in love with the idea, I didn't think it was as scary a concept as it had once felt.

Luke smiled at me with genuine delight. "You'd like to teach?"

I shrugged. "It's supposed to be part of my Jedi job, right?"

He reached out and pulled Ben and me into a hug that caught me off guard. "What's all this?" I mumbled into his shoulder.

But he didn't say a word, just let his happiness speak for him. I smiled a little before pulling away slightly. "So how do we keep ending up on forest worlds again?"

"It's more jungle this time," he teased playfully.

"Ah, great, that just means higher humidity…"

He laughed, a sound that Ben joined in with, copying with a small chuckle of his own. Luke stopped in wonder. "Mara, he did it again…"

I smiled at him. "If he's already laughing at us, just wait until he hits his teens."


As usual, Karrde's intel had been on the money. The official report came just two days after we'd heard of it. A low-ranking member of the Echo Drivers had managed to escape when the security raids started. Apparently, he thought taking a potshot at us through a few bounty hunters might win him a little more recognition. But recognition with whom?

It was the obvious question Luke and I had been silently wondering since the report dropped. Were there more members of the gang that had slipped through the cracks? It was hard to dismiss the feeling that something bigger was going on, but I realized it might be nothing more than paranoia at this point.

The only danger left was purely speculative, which certainly wasn't enough to keep me cooped up in the apartment any longer. Luke was more reluctant but mostly felt the same way. His students on Yavin largely relied on other instructors these days, but that didn't mean he'd stopped worrying about them. In fact, I thought he missed teaching since he'd decided to delegate some of the responsibility.

Either way, I knew we'd be headed to Yavin soon enough. And as expected, Luke didn't waste more than a day before we were headed out.

In a way, I always felt a bit awkward around other Jedi. They knew what I'd been, and it hit deeper than with some biased politicians. Still, they'd always been so accepting… Luke had said it was because a Jedi could sense the obvious good in me. I'd wanted to believe him, but I thought it was a little bit of a stretch. Luke was good, in the purest sense he was, which made me feel a little hesitant to apply the same term to myself. It was an old subject Luke and I had gone round and round about more than once. I wasn't the kind of person to admit often to having low self-esteem, but a part of me always felt like I was in a never-ending race for atonement. I knew being back on Yavin was likely to stir those same old feelings even more.

That had to be why I'd shirked teaching seriously for so long. Maybe it didn't feel right to hold me up as an example? But now that Ben had come along I knew I'd have to, that was a big part of being a parent. So I had to get over this one way or the other. And I assumed this trip would give me the chance.

When the Sabre's landing ramp lowered the humidity hit me like a wall. It was so thick you could have choked, but I didn't bother complaining. Not when Luke was so happy to be back, and we had a welcome party waiting for us besides.

The group of Jedi wore a mixture of robes and average clothing, depending on their preference. It looked like some mix of the old order and a smuggling convention. I found that a little funny, but at least it meant I would fit in. I knew a handful of them, but quite a few were strangers to me. Younger students had also started to join the ranks lately. They in particular looked at me with vivid curiosity and no little degree of wonder. Being married to Master Luke Skywalker meant they must have expected me to be something truly special.

Back during my time with the Empire, I would have assured anyone that I was indeed, very special. But now I felt a little daunted by the expectation. I hoped I could pull this off okay…

I wasn't the only one they were interested in though, Ben was the greatest celebrity of the day. Most of them hadn't seen him in person since he was born, which made today very special for them. Because Luke had played an important role in each of their lives, be it as a personal teacher or just an example to admire. If I felt the pressure of Luke's legacy then I assumed Ben would even more so. But for the moment he was nothing but the social baby, giving the enamored crowd his smile and newly learned chuckle.

After the initial fanfare died down Luke disappeared with a group of students. That left me and Ben the opportunity to get our bearings, which I was personally very grateful for. So I found myself sitting on a stone bench in one of the many courtyards. My mind wanted to be idle for a second, but it was too occupied by the dozens of memories this place held. The decade Luke and I had spent dancing between our own feelings and stubbornness, had been dotted with visits to this place.

The few scattered times I'd stop in to receive a little more training. The way I'd found a way to complain about either getting too much or too little attention from him each time. Though mostly, it had been the latter… A ripple of old grief passed through my emotions. It was ridiculous at this point, of course, but I still remembered it. Looking back at it now, I could finally understand the full scope of what I had felt then and what it meant. At the time, I would never have allowed myself the luxury.

Ben glanced up at me with thoughtful eyes, and I forced a grin at him. "It's nothing, baby. It doesn't matter anymore, you're proof of that…"

His tiny blue eyes didn't seem thoroughly convinced. But before I could try and soothe his attention away from my emotions I felt a familiar presence approach.

"Sorry I missed the welcome party."

Sitting down next to me, Corran gave me a listless look of disinterest.

I smiled. "Let me guess, you were too busy trekking through the jungle doing important Jedi stuff?"

"Something like that," he mumbled in the loveably unfriendly tone he was known for.

But his typical stoic demeanor softened slightly as he looked Ben over. Being a Jedi father himself, I thought he understood the significance better than anyone.

"He looks exactly like you two," he added simply.

"Oh come on, don't insult him, Corran," I teased. "He's very sensitive, he can already read emotions like a datapad."

He smiled slightly as he let Ben grip one of his fingers. "Yes, the force is strong with him, I can already feel that, Mara."

"Yeah…" I whispered, a part of me wondering what that would mean for his future.

"How long are you and Luke thinking of staying?"

"Don't know, a while I guess. He wants to teach for a bit."

"And you?" he asked frankly.

"Guess I have to, don't I?" I said with a slight sigh.

"Probably, you are a Skywalker, after all."

"Someone really should have told me all the baggage that came with that before I signed up," I teased.

Corran smiled a little knowingly. "I don't think you would have had it any other way…" His eyes looked pleasantly far away, and I guessed he was thinking back to the same times I had been. Back then I had been so headstrong and even rude to Luke, but I assumed from Corran's perspective it was all pretty obvious.

"No, I guess I wouldn't have…" I softly admitted.

A comfortable silence grew between us, our collective thoughts on the past. On love, family, and why it mattered more than anything else.

Finally, he stood. "Well, enjoy your stay. The climate isn't exactly a vacation spot, but you get used to it after a while."

"Why do I doubt that…?" I mumbled playfully before he grinned and walked away.

Which left me alone with my thoughts, a dangerous combination for sure. But it wasn't all gloom here, I did have some good memories too. Some of which I could only truly appreciate now. Looking back, I could see that all my fears had been so obviously unfounded. Luke had never been truly indifferent to me, not even with the walls I built between us. Having felt his emotions so clearly now, I knew what he'd been feeling then.

I knew, but I hadn't really stopped to think about it very much… What it had been like from his perspective. Thinking back on it, I felt a wave of silent hurt wash over me. A quiet wish to be understood and honest. He had felt that way back then, but I had kept us at arm's length. Maybe he had stayed away somewhat on my visits, maybe it was just easier for him that way? Maybe he thought it was what I wanted anyway?

The subject wasn't one we hadn't talked about a little before, but it was easier to leave the past where it was. Especially for me.

After a while, I trailed away thoughtfully to Luke's quarters on Yavin. One would expect a modest and mostly spartan landscape, but I knew better. Unlike our home on Coruscant, the traces of my influence were few and far in between here. After all, he usually came to Yavin alone. After putting Ben down for a nap, I poked around the place. Momentos from various worlds, seemingly sentimental items. A few carved trinkets not unlike the one he'd given me on Grairr. All and all, the place had a cozy feeling of clutter to it, while still speaking of his preference for tidiness.

It felt full of life, of experiences, of care… I smiled to myself. It was a little like getting a glimpse into what he'd been before we met. It was the exact opposite of how my own quarters had looked, but then I thought that was how it should have been. We were complete opposites, after all…

On his desk, scattered among a few other things was a small holo-emitter. Picking up the disk I traced my finger in the groove at its base. The device flickered to life at my touch, a group image of his students filling the air just above the device. Luke had looked a little younger then so I assumed it was an early class. Flicking to another image I saw a group that I mostly recognized, I was in it, in fact. I remembered that visit, and my reluctance to take the photo in the first place. Of all the students, I was the only one doing anything less than smiling. As for Luke…well he was positively beaming.

I sighed softly, all those same memories coming back.

So flicking to the next I was relieved to see a simple image of him and Leia. Then something with Han and Wedge, and finally…our wedding photo. I stared at it for what felt like a while, my mind tracing the memory in as much detail as I could remember. Because if I was honest, I didn't want to forget even the stupid little unimportant parts of that day. Finally, I slid my finger back into the groove and deactivated the emitter. Sitting it aside, I propped my feet up on his desk, mulling over my feelings.

Which is exactly how he found me when he walked in some time later. He didn't say anything at first, just read the mixture of emotions I was emitting.

Then choosing to let them be for a while, he gave a small smile. "Excuse the mess, I'm not used to sharing this space."

I smirked. "It's a little cluttered for my taste, but I guess it's cozy in its own way. I was just digging around your bachelor pad to see if I could find some secret girlfriend's comm ID." I gave him a playfully threatening look. "So far you're in the clear, but I'll keep looking to make sure."

He relaxed on the small couch in the corner, a goofy smile on his face. "Help yourself, just don't look in the second desk drawer, alright?"

I frowned as I pulled it open. Inside were more holo-emitters, mostly containing pictures of me.

"A likely story, Skywalker," I said with a teasing smirk. "But I can see right through your adoring husband act."

He chuckled lightly. "So how was your day, Corran said he checked in on you?"

"Yeah, he wanted to see Ben mostly, but it was nice to say hello. Mostly, I've spent the day doing nothing." And by nothing, I meant brooding, something not lost on him.

"Yavin is filled with memories, isn't it?"

It was bait, I knew that much. Just one bite and we'd be in that conversation. But in reality, I was already in the trap, he could feel every waver so what was the point in hiding it?

"Yeah, you could say that…"

"Good memories I hope?" he asked, playing dumb.

I just stared at him, not in the mood to play this vague guessing game.

He sighed softly. "I understand, but it hardly matters now, does it?"

"No, not in the slightest, that's why it annoys me that I'm still bothered by it."

He stood and took a few steps closer; a flicker of old guilt in his feelings. "I'm sorry I seemed so distant then. If I'm honest, I wasn't sure how close you wanted me to be."

It was a fair point I couldn't refute, but I still felt a little sore about it. Some childish part of me wanted to blame him for not making it easier on me. For not taking the initiative so I could have what I wanted with my pride intact. It was a ridiculous idea that I dismissed with one breath.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, I pushed you and the whole Jedi concept away."

His eyes opened wider as if some new revelation had washed over him from my emotional run-off. "Is that why you neglected your training for so long? Because it was difficult to have me as a teacher in light of your feelings?"

I frowned, feeling a little embarrassed. "Something like that, yeah… Anyway, let's change the subject."

Only he didn't, he just got that soft sentimental look on his face. "I understand… I felt the same way, only that's why I wanted you to complete your training."

"To reach my potential and all that…?" I asked, not following.

He looked a little guilty all of a sudden. "Yes, but it also gave me a chance to spend time with you. Or at least until I got the idea you'd rather I not be around so much…"

"Which is why you dumped my training on Corran for a while?"

He scratched the side of his face thoughtfully. "What a misunderstanding…" Then he smiled at me. "I'm glad those aren't possible anymore."

We stood there in silence, the reality of our bond filling every space between us. "Yeah, farmboy," I whispered. "Me too…"

It was a reminder to be as open as my emotions already were. So I finally said what I'd been thinking from the start. "I'm scared of this whole thing, Luke…"

"Teaching? Why?" he asked even as my feelings gave him most of the answers.

"Because I was an Imperial," I whispered honestly. "And now I'm a Skywalker. So if you ask me, that's one heck of a legacy…"

He looked at me as if the answer were so simple and obvious. "But you're also my friend, and I think you have a lot to offer the students. To offer to anyone, Mara…"

I held my breath for what felt like a long minute, before slowly letting it go. When he said it, it seemed so simple, easy even. I wanted to believe him, for Ben's sake especially.

"Then do…" he whispered as he reached to take my hand. "I'm right about this." He smiled at me with that look that could have belonged to a small boy. "I really am…"

I reached out to hold him, my embrace tight enough to seem a little desperate. Desperate for him to be right about me. I felt his arms slip around me, his emotions assuring me that he was, that he always had been…

"Whatever you say," I whispered into his shoulder. "Master Skywalker…"