Draco let his feet follow the familiar path to the astronomy tower, as he had many times over the last two months. He hadn't been there since that fateful night, and though he had tried many times he never made it past the first stair. Something in him told him that he had to back to that place no matter how much he didn't want to. He didn't know what he expected to find up there. Guilt? Punishment? Forgiveness? The specter of Dumbledore blaming him for his death? All he knew was that he had to face it, otherwise he would never be free. Ultimately, that was all Draco had ever wanted. Freedom.
Freedom to think for himself. Freedom to make his own decisions. Freedom to be himself, instead of this monster he had been molded into.
He contemplated the stairway in front of him. Looking around to make sure no one saw him, he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to steady his nerves. His reputation may have changed, but no one needed to see his weakness. Alone was the only place he could allow that side of him to show.
As he shakily placed his foot on the first step he let loose a breath. Something felt different tonight. He felt different. More sure of himself, ready to face whatever was at the top of those stairs. Suddenly, he knew without a doubt that he would make it up those stairs tonight.
When he finally reached the top of the tower, panting and out of breath, he had almost forgotten what he had been so worried about. It was just a bunch of stairs leading up to a tower. Nothing more. Until, that is, he looked over and saw the spot. The exact spot where Dumbledore had been standing wandless with Draco's own wand trained on him. The spot where instead of pleading for his own life, Dumbledore pleaded for his. The spot where he had known unequivocally that he did not want to end anyone's life. Ever. The spot where Snape pushed him to the side and killed the old man anyway. The spot where he lost all choice.
The air felt thick and the world swam before his eyes as he tried to breathe but found that his lungs didn't want to work. He all but fell to the ground from the force of the memories. He lay there gasping, closing his eyes to try to block out the memories. He let out a cry of pure anguish, knotting his hands in his hair. They were drowning him and he was powerless against them. The pain of the memories washed over him, and he felt as if he were living it all over again. Tears strained against his eyes and he didn't bother wiping them away.
But then the strangest thing happened. He opened his eyes and saw the stars stretching out in the vast sky above him. Suddenly the panic didn't feel as consuming. He found the constellation he was named after, tracing it with his finger tip. He looked for more constellations. Any he could recognize, and eventually he could breathe again. The panic was abating, and the memory filled place that he had so dreaded slowly turned back into a simple tower.
As he lay there, unsure of how much time had passed, he felt a sort of calm coming over him. An acceptance that he hadn't felt since arriving at this forsaken school again. He had done and witnessed terrible things because he hadn't felt he'd had a choice, but there was no changing the past no matter how much he wished there was. He felt he was at a crossroads where he could either dwell on the past or move on to the future. He thought the future sounded much more pleasant.
The astronomy tower had once been one of his favorite places in the school. Not only did it offer a great vantage point of the grounds to spy on his enemies, it was also peaceful. Or at least it had been. Just like the room of requirement had once been. He still hadn't gotten up the nerve to visit that one. He didn't think he ever would. But he wasn't really sure he needed to anymore. The memories were there whether or not he visited. Maybe it was time he stopped punishing himself.
He didn't know how long he had spent laying there peacefully staring at the stars, but after awhile he heard a sound on the stairs. Foot steps to be precise. He couldn't go down the stairs without being spotted, and he was in no mood to run into some couple on their way to snog. He retreated in the shadows, planning to sneak past whoever it was when they were distracted.
But it wasn't a couple. A lone figure finally emerged from the stairwell. A petite figure with bushy hair. A figure he would recognize anywhere. Granger. Must be doing rounds. But no, it was too early for that. As she stepped into the moonlight he could see that her eyes looked puffy. Had she been crying? She stepped closer to the edge, her face angled upward.
"You aren't going to jump, are you?" he drawled, stepping out from the shadows.
Startled, she turned around wide-eyed.
"Malfoy, what are you doing here?" she asked, bringing her hand up to calm her beating heart.
"Just admiring the view," he said nonchalantly, putting his hands in his pockets "You?"
"Oh, I just needed to get out of my office," she said, but her voice got all funny like she was trying to hold back tears.
He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Should he comfort her? Ignore her? Leave? Make fun of her? No. Probably not that last one.
"You weren't really going to jump were you?" he asked. He inwardly cringed. That probably wasn't the right thing to say either. If only Saint Potter were here instead, he would know how to deal with a crying Granger.
"What? No of course not," she said, chuckling lightly. But the tears were still in her eyes.
"Good. Cause you know I'd get blamed for your death," he said, smirking slightly. She didn't react, just stared straight ahead. He was just about to head for the door when she spoke.
"I broke up with Ron," she blurted, then covered her mouth with her hands, shocked at her own admission.
He stepped closer, not surprised by what she said, but surprised that she said it to him. They weren't exactly the best of friends. He had suspected Weasley was behind the tears from the start. There weren't many things that would make Hermione Granger cry. He knew from firsthand experience, after all.
"Ah, so I see congratulations are in order?" he said, trying to lighten the mood. Weasley had never been good enough for Granger anyway. She should be glad to be rid of him.
She laughed. A little too much. But hey, it was better than crying. She swiped at her eyes surreptitiously and he pretended not to notice.
"I shouldn't have told you that," she said apologetically, "I'm your professor and you're my student. Not to mention you're my sworn enemy."
She rolled her eyes at the last bit, like it was some kind of fate they could never escape.
"Are we sworn enemies?" He asked, taking a few steps closer to her, "I don't remember any kind of ceremony"
She just looked at him with a strange expression on her face. He thought he'd offended her somehow, but instead she giggled. Giggled. He'd just made Hermione Granger giggle. What was the world coming to?
"Malfoy...you're funny," she exclaimed, as if she had just discovered a secret. Her face was open and laughing. Something he had never seen from her before. Had her eyes always scrunched up that way when she smiled? And where did that dimple come from? He had found himself noticing more and more of these little characteristics over the last two months.
"That's offensive," he said sharply, pulling his attention away from her dimple and back to the conversation at hand, "I prefer to say I have an acerbic wit."
"Well, it's nice to see that wit used for something other than making fun of my hair or teeth," she said, shrugging, stepping closer so they were only a few feet apart.
"Is that what Weasley did? Made fun of your hair so you dumped him?" he asked, trying to make a joke out of a serious question.
Her eyes started to fill again but she held the tears in.
"Something like that," she responded, noncommittally. Clearly, she wasn't going to comment further.
"Whatever it is I'm sure he deserved it, the git," he said. Why she had ever been attracted to him was a mystery to Draco. Even he, the bully, could see that Weasley had continuously hurt her more than he ever could.
Looking at her with only the moonlight illuminating her he couldn't help but think how pretty she looked. The hair he had once made fun of was bouncy and full of life, the moon glinting off it just so. Here in the dark with nothing between them, no past or misconceptions, he could imagine that they could be friends. Maybe more. He couldn't help it when his eyes strayed to her full lips. Lips that hid a perfect smile. Kissable lips. Had she always been this beautiful? She was saying something. What was she saying?
"-nice to me?" she asked.
He tore his eyes away from her lips. It had been too long since he'd even had time to think about a girl, let alone be with one. Besides, girls weren't exactly lining up at his door to date an ex-death-eater.
"I guess there's no reason to be anything else now," he shrugged.
"Hmm," she agreed, unsure what to say. Instead, she turned and looked up at the stars. He wondered if she found them as calming as he did. He stepped up so they were shoulder to shoulder, a hairs breadth apart.
He didn't know how long they stayed that way, but all he could think of was kissing her. Merlin how he wanted to kiss her. How he'd wanted to kiss her for much longer than tonight. She filled his mind no matter how much he tried to push her out. Always had.
She turned to him smiling slightly, and he faced her. Their faces much closer than he'd realized.
"I never thought I'd say this, but thank you Malfoy," she said sincerely.
Before he knew what he was doing, he leaned over and touched her lips with his in a gentle kiss. He was shocked at his own daring, but more shocking was when she kissed him back.
It was only when he brought his hands to her waist that she seemed to realize what she was doing. She pushed him back and stepped away.
"I—I'm sorry, I can't-" she said, running away.
Draco looked after her. Had that really just happened? Had he kissed Hermione Granger? And liked it? This had to be one of the strangest nights of his life.
He didn't know what was happening to him, but one thing he did know was that he would kiss her again. And soon.
