Chapter 7

Luke was quick to pull up a data entry on whatever snaggle-toothed beast had mauled the herd. I thought part of it was worry for our safety and the other part was just his endless curiosity. Some days I thought he was still a kid itching to get off Tatooine…

But either way, I was treated to a full run down as we walked over to the shepherd's house. I hadn't gotten his name, had I?

"They're typically nocturnal hunters, so it was odd it attacked in daylight," Luke mused to himself. "Though it was early in the morning…" He glanced at me. "Are you sure you're alright?"

I scoffed. "No offense to the local ecology, but I could have culled half the species on this rock without breaking a sweat."

"Well, let's hope that won't be necessary," Luke added with a slight tease.

I meant that, but part of me wondered if I was trying to reassure myself. Facing that thing alone was one thing, having Ben along was another. I peered through the early evening gloom. The snow had stopped for the moment, but it felt somehow colder than before. Still, I assumed our destination wasn't far. In the near distance, I could see the flicker of lights burning inside of a small cluster of farmhouses dotting the hillside.

More herds, vandario, Luke had called them, all being lead toward enclosures to fend off the night. The ragnoth, were their natural predators and all the more likely to want a snack at night. Glancing down at Ben, I made sure he still seemed warm enough. He met me with a happy smile, not seeming to care where we were going or when we'd get there.

Just happy to be along for the ride…

I smirked.

Something reminded me of Luke about that.

After about ten minutes more, I noticed a familiar face outside of one of the houses. The shepherd boy was waving as toward him. He bowed at the waist when Luke and I approached.

"Good day, Master Jedi," he added formally. He wasn't exactly like me at thirteen, but that might have been a good thing…

"Good day," Luke greeted with a smile. "Or should I say evening now?"

"It is getting dark," he admitted. "You must be chilled from the walk, please come inside."

I was more than ready too, the cold was starting to make my head feel thick. So we followed him inside, our senses being met with the aroma of some foreign but pleasant dish. But more than that, the home was cozy. Odds and ends of both practical and apparently decorative purposes were scattered on shelves. In a way, it reminded me of Marcus' home back on Grairr.

Gesturing us toward the stone dining table, we all sat down. For a few somewhat awkward moments we sat in silence. He seemed somewhere between shock, awe, and humility. I was guessing he really was pretty impressed to be meeting not only real Jedi, but the Master Skywalker. It was hardly a new response, there were lots of being in the galaxy that would have killed to get a chance to be in the same room as Luke. Anyone else would have gotten an ego trip out of it, but Luke was the image of an ever-mild, unassuming Jedi.

"Sorry, but I didn't get your name earlier, did I?" I asked, to break the silence.

"Oh, I am Ranjer, it is a pleasure to meet you both."

"Likewise," Luke added. "Mara told me you had a difficult encounter with a ragnoth today?"

It was a sensitive subject I assumed he'd rather not have talked about, but Luke seemed clueless about that fact. Or at least he was until he'd brought it up. Then the boy's forlorn emotions filled the room like thick smoke, impossible for a Jedi, or anyone with discernment, to ignore.

"You shouldn't blame yourself…" Luke reassured him kindly. "Not even a Jedi can save all the lives around themselves."

Ranjer looked puzzled by what should have been an obvious fact. "Really, I just assumed…?"

"Sure, we want to," I explained. "But behind the flashy lightsaber and graceful poise, we're all just ordinary people. Loss is sadly a part of life, kid..." I winced, realizing how much I sounded like Han suddenly.

"I guess that makes sense…" Ranjer mumbled to himself.

Just as the aura was getting too heavy, Ben let out an excited yelp that changed the subject. I thought he just wanted attention as usual…

"And this is Ben," I added.

Ranjer smiled at him. "Your son? The force must be strong with him…"

Luke gazed thoughtfully at Ranjer for what felt like a long time. I could guess what he was thinking. I hadn't noticed it before, not in the hate of the battle against the ragnoth, but this seemingly simple shepherd also felt strong in the force… It was a vague, wild, and untrained hint of potential that seemed clear now. I waited for Luke to tell him as much, but he didn't, just nodded.

"Yes, Ben will be trained in the ways of the force one day…"

It was unlike Luke to ever miss a chance at the Yavin recruiting pitch, so I wondered why he'd held back. But the question didn't have time to linger before a happy voice met us.

"Welcome to our home, Master Jedi." Turning we saw an elderly woman standing in the kitchen doorway. In her hands was a tray tastefully arranged with bits of cooked meat and plants I couldn't begin to identify. Sitting the tray down on the table she took a seat across for me.

Her presence was strong for how frail she seemed. It was the sort of aura that made me respect her without even knowing who she was.

"It is a double honor given that you saved my grandson from death. Please accept this meal as but a small token of our eternal gratitude."

"Thank you very much," Luke bowed slightly. "But the honor is ours."

Ranjer's grandmother smiled at him. "I don't see how those words can be true, seeing what a simple people we are, but I am grateful for your sincerity, Master Skywalker."

I smiled. "Really, it was nothing. But I won't turn down a meal all the same…" I said, my empty stomach making the strange dish look all the more appealing.

"This is the ragnoth you slew, Master Mara Jade Skywalker."

It didn't seem like introductions were needed, they definitely knew who we were.

"Well, better not to let it go to waste, right?"

She nodded. "Indeed, now, please eat your fill, it is our way of paying homage for all you have done for both us and the galaxy."

I wasn't squeamish when it came to one roasted creature or another, but something about the way a live ragnoth had looked didn't do much for my appetite. But I knew I couldn't be rude, so I gave it a try. It wasn't half bad. I'd certainly tasted far worse at the kinds of places most of Karrde's clients frequented.

After the meal was done, we fell into interesting conversation about our many escapades. They shared a bit about their family history. Something about Ranjer's father dying in one of the many skirmishes after Endor. We asked if he'd fought with the Rebellion, but in fact, he had just been a civilian who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

That kind of thing happened, I knew it wasn't as if I was to blame, but I still felt the sting of the invisible "imperial brand" beneath my skin.

"I'm sorry for your loss…" I whispered.

Ranjer nodded. "It is as you said, not all loss can be avoided…"

Suddenly, I found that reality harder than ever to swallow. It was one thing to say it causally, but to live it…I knew that was another.

"It is a grievous thing, Master Jedi…" his grandmother whispered. "But the people of this galaxy have proven their strength. The valor that not even decades of war could destroy. Now, a new dawn is at last breaking…"

She smiled softly at Ben. "The tide of hope will overtake these years of sadness. What a privilege that these old eyes of mine have gotten to see it first hand…"

The ripple of Luke's emotion crashed against me in all subtle ferocity. How moved he was, and all the bittersweet memories that went along with it. I wished I could have felt as content with my part in all that had transpired. But it was an old wound, with no point in reopening. What shards of my past were still lodged inside were buried far too deep to remove now. They were cuts and sores I had to learn to live with.

Somehow…

"It was a fond day that we traveled to witness the broadcast of your wedding ceremony," she confessed sincerely. "A symbol of hope. And now look, the force has led you both to our humble home. Perhaps it is foreshadowing of the good things that are to come for the galaxy?"

"I truly hope so," Luke breathed softly. "I truly hope so…"

As the evening wore on, Luke agreed to help out with a bit of maintenance on one of their droids. It was familiar work to him and gave a perfect canvas for our heavy thoughts. Outside in the crisp night air, the workbench illuminated by a flickering lamp, our emotions meddled together, saying most of it without a word.

Glancing through the window, I could see Ben was still asleep under the watchful care of Ranjer's grandmother. Ranjer himself was off feeding his vandario. Which just left Luke and I…

I watched him tinkering with the mostly scraped droid, debating if I should break the silence.

Finally, I did…

"That's a lot of pressure, isn't it?"

He stopped working for a second and glanced at me. "To be a symbol of hope?"

"Yeah… To find a way to fix everything wrong in this galaxy."

"Some things, not even a Jedi can fix, Mara…" he whispered. "But yes, it is a lot of pressure."

I was surprised he was willing to admit it. But something truly sad was lingering around him.

"Just think," I teased, attempting to make him smile. "What would they think if I left you and ran off with some scruffy smuggler?"

He gave just a hint of a smile, but it was gone quickly enough. "Building the new Jedi order, we have so many people looking to us as examples. It's such a privilege, but also…"

He slipped his glove off, needing more dexterity to reach a small part of the droid.

"Like I said, a lot of pressure," I added for him.

He sighed as if feeling a measure of guilt for even thinking it. "Can I tell you something…?"

I grinned. "What do you think?"

He smiled slightly before sobering again. "I know I alluded to it before, but a part of me was starting to feel…well resentment."

He said it as if he'd dabbled in the dark side.

"For so many years, I was always the one the New Republic turned to. I know as a Jedi there were some missions no one else could do, but sometimes…I felt like I was expendable."

"You?" I asked, not really following.

"I was young, powerful," he admitted in all humility. "And so unattached that no one thought twice about what mission they sent me on." He scoffed. "I could have died so many times over…" He glanced at me for just a second before focusing on the droid. "Of course, Leia worried, but that didn't stop the other official from always recommending me. Me. I didn't want to seem unwilling or selfish, I just wish…someone besides Leia in the New Republic could have bothered to worry about me. Worry whether I was going to die without experiencing any of what really matters…"

I wanted to ask him what really mattered to him, but I already knew the answer. His eyes drifted to the window where Ben's sleepy face could be seen just inside.

"It's funny…" I mumbled. "Back then I wished I was dead most days…"

It shouldn't have been a surprise, he'd felt as much so many times when the past came up with me. But all the same, I felt his shock, or maybe it was just his alarm at the thought. At the horror, it brought to him.

"Mara!" His hand jerked back against the exposed machinery cutting a small tear in the fake skin atop his right hand. "Please, don't say that…" he finished softly, rubbing at the circuity beneath his would-be skin.

"I know you value life, Luke, but it's how I honestly felt back then…"

He sighed again, his tense shoulders relaxing. "I know, I'm sorry for overreacting. As long as you don't feel like that now, that is…?"

"You already know the answer to that, farmboy…" I whispered as I reached to squeeze his hand.

He squeezed back, his touch just as filled with emotion as if the circuity were flesh and bone. But all the same, he was quick to cover it with a glove as soon as I'd let go.

"You don't have to do that, you know?" I said simply. "Not all the time."

He seemed confused at first before glancing down at his gloved right hand. He was thoughtful for a few moments, everything from shame to bittersweet memories passing through his emotions. But finally, he looked up at me and tried to smile.

"I don't want to scare Ben, he wouldn't understand…"

"I think he understands all he needs to," I said with confidence. "You're his father, that's all he sees, all he ever will."

He closed his hand into a soft grip as the impact of my words elicited inevitable thoughts of his own father. Words weren't enough for either of us. So many times they weren't… But thankfully, they seldom needed to be…

I reached out to pull him into my arms. His weary emotions melted into the embrace as I said what we both already know.

"We're not superhuman, but if they need hope… If two broken people in love mean that much to them…" I pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. "I'd say we have that covered…"

I leaned to meet his lips as the snow drifted down around us.

His purpose had been hope from the beginning… Whether mine was redemption or some other form of atonement didn't matter to me. I was content to follow him wherever the Force was leading us.

Whatever future awaited, it was enough as long as we were together in it.

It was more than enough…


A week passed soon enough on our icy rock of a getaway. We'd spent most of it in more peace of mind than we had at the start. Probably given his upbringing, Luke found a simpler routine easy to fall into. Eventually, I thought even I'd get used to it. The snow fell, the vandario herds grazed on what frost berries were visible in the barren landscape, and Ranjer kept up his loyal vigil over them. He'd stopped in to say hello a few times over the course of the week and each time I'd think about the same thing.

The obvious force sensitivity he had.

I was beginning to think it was just me feeling it, but I knew that wasn't likely. But Luke kept his mouth shut about it day after day. It was starting to drive me a little crazy, honestly. Sure, I didn't agree that every poor force-sensitive sap had to become a Jedi, but Luke was at least going to give them the offer. What was stopping him this time?

Watching Ranjer disappear over the crest of a hill I tossed one last wave at him and his flock. Luke lingered in the doorway, watching him disappear. Popping a berry in his mouth he smiled.

"These are good, I can see why the vandario are so fond of them. It's generous of Ranjer to share his supply, I don't think they have an excess on this moon."

"All they have in excess is snow," I mumbled, a little tired of seeing the stuff.

Pushing him back inside, I slid the door shut before any more cold could seep in. Stealing one of the berries from his hand I tried it for myself.

"A little sour for my taste, but not bad."

"You don't like sour things, Mara?" he asked, baiting me into idle small talk. Something we'd had a lot of lately. A sort of rare luxury.

"Sometimes I do, it depends. Just like people, sometimes I like them, sometimes I don't."

He chuckled to himself as he slid onto the couch. "I like most people I meet."

I smirked playfully. "You would, Mr. Farmy."

We both got quiet, the apparent question in my mind as good as said. Sitting down next to him I propped my feet on the end table and came out with it. "Ranjer's force-sensitive, isn't he?"

Luke didn't answer at first, just nibbled on the frost berries. Finally, he nodded with a meek answer. "Yes, very much so…"

"And?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Where's the Jedi recruiting speech? The force knows I heard it enough."

"Your circumstances were different, Mara," he calmly explained.

"Oh?" I teased him. "So you were just after me in particular? I thought ulterior motive was beneath a Jedi Master?"

"Mara…" he mumbled softly, a little frustrated by me as usual.

"Kidding. Or at least a little bit…"

He sighed playfully, regathering his thoughts. "It's his grandmother…." he finally whispered, the compassion evident in his voice. "Her personality is so strong, but underneath that…she's very frail. I'm afraid she might not have much time left…"

The humor drained out of my bearing, a little frown left in its wake. He wasn't wrong, I thought the same thing about her.

"I thought," he went on. "That they should spend what time she has left together. If I took him away to Yavin and something were to happen while he was away…"

"I get it…" I agreed softly. "But I admittedly hadn't thought that far ahead. Still, it seems a little wrong for him to miss out on the chance though doesn't it? To be a Jedi?"

Luke smiled at me softly. "I never thought I'd hear you say something like that."

I struggled, feeling a little self-conscious. "Hey, I'm a Skywalker now, and we're all pictures of Jedi virtue. So of course I care about him reaching his grand potential."

He smiled, the mood lightening a little. "I thought I'd keep tabs on him. Come back and invite him to Yavin once…well you know."

"His grandmother spoke so highly of Jedi, I think she'd be proud. It's a shame she might never know…"

Luke sighed gently. "It was a hard decision to make. A part of me still wonders if I'm doing the right thing…"

He glanced at me as if to ask my opinion. "You know me," I said crossing my arms. "I like saying things just the way they are. But I'm not exactly a master of tact because of that either."

He paused, seeming to consider both sides of it. Finally, he rose, pacing over to where the fireplace was burning. "I suppose the role of a Jedi is to make difficult choices. Still…" He glanced back toward the room Ben was asleep in. "The old order separated children from their families at such an early age. I can't help but wonder if it was wrong somehow?"

Inside I winced, something Luke felt even from across the room. I knew he would have noticed even across the galaxy. He looked back at me, eyes so full of compassionate honesty.

"I wish you could have known your family, for example."

I tried to shrug it off. "I guess that might have been nice… I mean, see where I get all this hot-headedness from anyway."

He smiled softly. "As the founders of the New Jedi Order, we have to make sure we think about what's best for everyone, not just our fellow Jedi."

"That makes sense…" I whispered. "But sometimes general rules don't work for certain individuals."

He waited for me to go on. "What I mean, Luke, is from what I can tell about Ranjer's Grandmother…" I looked up at him honestly. "I think she'd want him to know. Even if he decides to stay with her until the end, he needs to know the truth."

I watched as his shoulders relaxed as if a burden had somehow been lifted by my simple words. "I'd thought the same…" he finally whispered. "But the more I considered my feelings for Ben, the less I could let myself realize it…"

"You're not wrong, Luke. I don't agree with taking babies from their parents either. It's just about…balance."

There it was, that word that tied the entire universal framework together. People had fought for it and died without it. When the concept was really simple at its core… The longer I lived with Luke Skywalker the more apparent that came. The willingness to let yourself be wrong, to consider another's point of view. Little by little, I thought I was getting it. We both were…

He folded his hands thoughtfully behind his back, a pose that said his Jedi Master mood was in full swing.

So smirking at him I did my best to pull him out of it. "You don't have to prance around so official, you know? Not in front of me anyway."

He blinked at me, confused for a moment before he let his hands drop back to his sides. With a goofy grin and a chuckle at himself, he became the farmboy all over again. I thought I liked him best that way…

I opened my mouth to tell him as much, but the chime at our door interrupted my point. A shared frown passed between us. Surprises were so rare for us… Not much got through Jedi senses, but neither of us could feel anyone at the front door. Not Ranjer, not anyone.

The lightsaber slipped into Luke's hand before either of us could blink. Walking over to the door cautiously he answered it.

I gripped my own saber as I took up a defensive position behind; one more line between whatever was out there and Ben. But neither of us was expecting what we saw standing at the door. An unfamiliar and lifeless protocol droid stood without a hint of personality or even the annoyance Threepio was so known for. Wordlessly, a small blue holo beam emitted from the droid. The wisps of snow mingled with the hazy azure light as a clear image of Durban appeared.

His eyes held both sadness and an acceptance that was nearly Jedi in nature. Without reason or explanation, I felt my heart sink. Some instinctual sorrow mingling with fear and anger.

"Jade…" he whispered. "As my once commanding officer I wanted to make you proud of me. But mostly as my friend, I hoped I could follow you out. Out of this life and into something better… But please allow me to apologize for my failure. If you're seeing this, then I'm afraid I'm already dead…"