The day passed painfully for Sora, but much less painfully than the previous few. After the others forced him to eat something they took a pile of blankets into the living room and sat quietly together. Riku and Kairi chatted, Sora joining in when he felt able to, and watched them play cards until early afternoon.
It was a day to just be together, to remind Sora that they were there and what it was like to be with friends again. Reminding him what it was like to no longer be alone.
Aqua and Terra had been thrilled when they heard the three talking together in the kitchen that morning, and had decided to drag Ven out of bed and leave for a day or two, giving the others some time to themselves.
Sora assumed the lack of sleep must really be catching up to him at this point. He felt awful and increasingly unwell as the day went on, and his entire body was aching. Even with the others there though, he resisted the urge to doze off as he rested his head on Riku's shoulder. He didn't want this tiny respite from the sadness to be ruined by his nightmares. He felt far from good, far from anything other than miserable, but he still felt better than he had in days.
Maybe it was eating properly for a change, or just having the others around him, but that evening Sora found he had just a sliver more energy than usual. He'd been holding something in for a long time now, something that was tormenting him and making everything feel so much worse. Maybe if he got the words out it would ease some of his nightmares and guilt.
With this tiny piece of strength, he decided it was time to tell them about Rage.
As the sun began to fall behind the mountains he asked his friends to go for a walk, and they wandered together down the winding path outside, past the ponds and Riku's Gummi ship, out to the spot Sora had sat at the night before with Aqua. They sat down on the stone bench that looked out over the hills and for a while no one said anything. The others could tell there was something Sora wanted to talk to them about, something that was weighing heavily on him. It had been clear the whole walk down so they stayed quiet, waiting for him to be ready to start.
"There's something else that happened when I was gone that I haven't told you guys."
He stood up and walked a few steps away so he could turn to face them. Both Kairi and Riku tensed up. They'd been expecting this, and expecting whatever Sora was about to say wouldn't be easy to hear.
"I didn't want to tell you, but..." He glanced down and rubbed the back of his head. Where the hell was he even meant to start? He looked back up at them and there was more than sadness in his eyes. He was scared, and that made them both feel afraid as well.
"You know how I turned into a Heartless back in Hollow Bastion?"
Kairi nodded and Riku said "Yeah?"
It seemed like aeons ago now, but it wasn't something any of them were likely to ever forget.
"Well, after that, and after I learnt to form change, something started happening. I never told either of you about it, or anyone, the only ones who know are Donald and Goofy and that's because they had to see it happen... I never wanted to tell anyone, I... I didn't want people to know, but..." He trailed off and looked down at his feet.
His chest felt tight again. This was just as difficult as he had thought it would be.
The others stayed silent while Sora gathered his thoughts. They weren't sure if he would be able to bring himself to start talking about this again if they interrupted.
"The form changes these clothes and my old ones let me do, there's one that I do sometimes as a last resort. It doesn't always happen but if I'm in trouble, and really angry, I can change into something kind of like a Heartless."
He kept looking down, not wanting to see the shock he was sure he would see on their faces.
"When it first started happening... the first time I actually thought I was a Heartless again. Donald and Goofy did as well and freaked out. Really freaked out. I couldn't control when it happened, and sometimes I would just become this thing. I barely knew what was happening and I couldn't even use my Keyblade with it then. All I'd do was attack whatever was around me. I never hurt anyone though!"
He chanced a glance at them, desperately needing them to know this, know that he hadn't done something that awful... at least not back then. They both looked unnerved, so he averted his eyes quickly, staring back down at his feet.
"I still knew who my friends were, and I got better at controlling it. For a long time, it was sort of like a darkness that would just take over, but then it became something I could actually use, and bring out when I needed it, and I could choose to become him... I call it Rage."
Riku and Kairi hadn't missed the way Sora seemed to switch between "it" and "him", as though he didn't really know what it was himself.
He smiled bitterly. "I almost thought of him as a friend after a while, because he saved my life a few times, and Donald and Goofy. It used to just feel like he was a part of me that I could use when I needed to, sort of like using magic. I thought it was fine and I didn't have any problems with it but things were different in that place... he was different... Some stuff happened."
He crossed his arms over his chest in a defensive posture, as though trying to make himself smaller. Or as though trying to hold something inside.
"When I changed there I couldn't stop it, and it started taking over and I wouldn't be able to change back. That was what that man was trying to do. He wanted me to stay as Rage for some reason, that's what I meant when I said he wanted me to give in to the darkness. I think he kept sending Heartless after me so that I'd have to resort to using Rage."
He took the charm out of his pocket, remembering the way it had seared his hand and chest like acid. "This was the only reason I managed to change back. When I held on to this I could pull myself back out of it, and that's why he destroyed it... It didn't work though, once he destroyed the charm I gave up on getting back so I didn't need to use Rage to survive anymore."
He hadn't understood back then why Rage had vanished, why the constant crawling beneath his skin had stopped after his charm was broken. But he knew now. He'd stopped caring about making it home. He'd stopped caring about staying alive, and if he didn't need to stay alive he didn't need his last resort. Without a desire to survive, Rage had nothing to latch on to, no reason to come out.
He slid the charm back into his pocket and gripped his upper arms tightly to try and stop his hands from shaking.
"But before that, when I did change, I... I couldn't control it. I wasn't me anymore and he was in control of me, like I was him and he wasn't just a part of me anymore, like he was a separate person but still inside me- I don't know how to explain it. He made me see things... and do things..."
Riku was reminded horribly of the feeling of Ansem taking control of his body, bending it to his will and turning him into a prisoner in his own flesh. He'd always known Ansem was an independent being though. It sounded as though Sora had been attacked by his own self.
"This is what your nightmares are about, isn't it?" he asked, and Sora nodded.
"I saw all of you and... I killed you. I attacked everyone and killed them, I tore them apart, I tore both of you-" He scrunched his eyes shut, trying desperately to stay in control. "The last time I changed I saw visions of everyone and Rage made me attack them. I saw you, and Donald and Goofy, Aqua and Ven and Mickey and Roxas and-" Their names felt like nails in his mouth and he stopped to take a sharp breath.
"I saw everyone, and Rage made me kill you all."
His fingernails were digging deeply into his arm, but he hadn't noticed the stinging or how close he was to breaking the skin.
"I hate sleeping... Every time I sleep, I see my friends dying. Every night I see myself kill you both... over and over again... You should have just left me there."
He looked up at them with tears running down his face and flinched as he remembered what they had looked like covered in blood and claw marks. "I killed you... I'm a monster now."
"You're not a monster Sora!" Kairi cried out, shocked that he could say such a thing. "You didn't hurt anyone! You-"
"But I did! I did!" he howled, with nothing but agony on his face. "I thought it was all just visions but Riku, when you were attacked, it... it was me."
Riku sat in stunned silence for a moment. "Sora, it can't-"
"I'm why the Unversed were there!" and he slammed a hand against his chest as he yelled it. "That's why they were always near me, Rage- I was the one making them appear, and that's why there were so many when you got hurt! That was the night I turned into Rage and attacked everyone. I was that thing that tried to kill you."
"Sora it can't have been you." He stood up and walked towards him, wanting to reassure him but Sora backed away from him.
"It must have been me! It happened at the exact same time, it must have- it was-" He was tripping over his words, breathing far too fast, and Riku could see he was starting to panic.
"Sora, just breath!"
"It was me, it was me," Sora was gasping now and suddenly grabbed his head in both hands as it throbbed. Everything around him was blurring, turning into streaks of violent colour and light. The roaring in his ears had started.
Riku ran forward and grabbed Sora's arms, stopping him from stumbling backwards before he could get closer to the cliff edge. "It's OK, just stop, just stop for a moment."
There was blood. Blood everywhere. Blood on the ground, blood on his claws, blood in his mouth.
Sora yelled out in pain as his head throbbed again and fell to his knees. Riku dropped down in front of him, still holding his arms, desperately trying to get through to him. "Sora you don't have to keep talking, just stop and breath."
Sora's face was contorted with fear. He was back there. It was happening again. Was he going to change? Was Rage about to take him?
"Sora please, just look at me! Can you hear me?" He didn't respond, and Riku wasn't sure if he even knew he was there anymore.
All Kairi could do was watch in horror, no idea what to do, racking her brain for anything she could do to help Riku drag Sora back.
But Riku had a feeling there was nothing they could do now but wait, so he simply put his hands on Sora's shoulders to try and hold him steady.
Sora's lungs were on fire, burning with blood, and water, and Rage. He couldn't see anymore, couldn't hear. All he could think of was winding streets, lined with cold visions of his friends, and a man laughing as his skin dissolved under the darkness.
But there were hands on his shoulders. He didn't know where they had come from, but he could feel them there.
After a minute or so Riku tried moving closer and placed a hand on top of Sora's as he clutched his pounding head. He didn't flinch away from the contact, and Riku took that as a good sign. "You're OK Sora, we're OK," he said softly, just loud enough for Sora to hear him over his own gasping breaths. And he did hear them this time. The cruel laughter and roaring in his ears was going. "You're safe Sora, just breathe. You're safe."
The minutes passed, and Sora's breathing began to steady as the bloody pavement before his eyes slowly turned back to grass. The visions were fading. Riku leant forward and pressed his forehead to Sora's, squeezing his shoulder at the same time. "Everything is OK now. It's going to be alright, I promise."
Sora took a long shaking breath and then lunged forwards, throwing his arms around Riku and sobbing into his neck. Riku wrapped his arms around him tightly, a few of his own tears escaping now.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Riku."
"What?"
"I'm so sorry..."
Sora wouldn't, or maybe couldn't answer him. For a long time, he just cried into his neck, sobs punctuated with desperate apologies that Riku didn't understand.
Eventually, Sora's grip on Riku began to ease, and his tears slowed. As Riku let go of him too he sat back on his heels and stared at the ground, looking brokenhearted and drained of every ounce of strength he had. Riku was just thankful the panic had passed.
"I'm sorry..."
"Sora, you don't have anything to apologise for."
"But it was me Riku..."
"You couldn't have been that Unversed, there's no way-"
"It had to have been me though," he interrupted, shaking his head in misery. "I almost killed you."
What Sora was saying simply wasn't possible. There was no way it could have been him, he had to get him to understand somehow. "Where were you when all this happened Sora?"
The question caught him by such surprise that Sora jerked his head up, frowning at him and confused. "I'm... not sure, I was moving around a lot, but everything is kind of blurry."
He stared down at his knees and thought hard, trying to remember. He hadn't been paying any attention to his surroundings as he lurched through the streets. All he had been thinking about was staying away from his friends, and fighting for control of his body. Other than that, and watching them die, all he remembered was falling.
"It must have been beside a river though cos' after it happened I fell into the water, and that was when I changed back. You were the last one so... it must have been there."
He closed his eyes, trying to hold down the panic that seemed to be building in his stomach again as he remembered those final moments. But then he felt hands on his shoulders again and he looked up to see Riku smiling warmly down at him. It was a smile Sora had known for as long as he could remember.
"It wasn't you."
"What?"
"It couldn't have been you Sora."
Sora swallowed hard, trying to clear the lump that had appeared in his throat. "How do you know?"
"The Unversed at the crossing only appeared after you left and that's where I fought it, and when I ran back to the portal I didn't cross a single river."
Sora's stomach flipped. "Are... you sure?"
"Yeah," he nodded, still smiling at him. "It's not possible that you were there."
Sora stared at him, open-mouthed and dazed.
He hadn't done it? He hadn't been the one who attacked him, the one who hurt him?
But no...
He tried to pull away from him but Riku kept a firm grip on his arms. "But- even if- they were still there because of me! Rage made them, it was my-"
"It wasn't your fault!" Riku yelled.
"But it happened right when I transformed! They appeared because I turned into Rage!"
"Even if that is why they were there, that doesn't make it your fault!"
Sora's eyes were wide. "But... it happened because of me?"
"It was because of what was happening to you, not because of you!" Riku took his hands off his shoulders and put his arms around him, pulling him into his chest again. "You didn't do this Sora."
Sora's entire body was frozen, every muscle tensed and still. Riku held him close. "It was because of what he was doing to you, not because of you," he repeated, wanting him to understand this more than anything, to let go of the guilt he didn't deserve.
"It... wasn't me?"
"It wasn't you, none of this is your fault."
Sora slowly moved his arms and put a pair of shaking hands on Riku's back. "It wasn't me," he breathed, trying to take in his own words.
"Yeah," Riku said softly. "You never hurt me. You didn't hurt anyone."
Kairi stayed sitting quietly and let her own tears flow, knowing Riku was the one Sora needed right now.
Riku put a hand on the back of his head and threaded his fingers through his hair.
He hadn't been the one who tried to kill Riku. It hadn't been him.
Sora took another deep, chest-rattling breath, and let it out slowly as he pressed his face into Riku's shirt. He didn't understand how he had any tears left at this point. It was as though all the ones that never came these past two weeks were pouring out at once. Tears of agony. Of relief. Tears because right now everything was just too much.
He clutched at the back of Riku's jacket, thankful his arms were around him right now to keep his broken pieces together.
It took a long time but eventually that night he managed to tell them everything. Once the tears had finally stopped, he had been able to fill in the final blanks in the story, the ones that had been wiped from his mind in his panic.
They knew what had happened now. They knew about the words Rage had whispered to him as he took control. They knew exactly what he had seen, and what he had done. And they had told him they still loved him. They didn't think he was a monster to be feared. They didn't think he was somehow tainted or corrupted. They still thought he was him, their best friend. Their Sora. He didn't think he'd ever be able to convey to them how much they meant to him at that moment, sitting on the grass together under the stars.
As the moon began to rise they realised how late it was. "We should go back inside," Kairi said to the boys with a small shiver, and they nodded. The night air was getting chilly.
As they all got to their feet though, a wave of vertigo came over Sora. The energy he had spent explaining everything to them, and crying for so long had been his last, and the sheer weight of it seemed to hit him all at once.
"Sora!"
Riku cried out in horror as, without warning, Sora collapsed forwards into his arms. He lowered them both to their knees again and Kairi dropped back down beside them. Sora was slumped against Riku, body completely limp.
"Hey! What's wrong?"
"Sorry... got dizzy," he mumbled, voice much quieter than it had been just a minute before. His forehead was touching Riku's neck and he suddenly realised how hot his skin felt and placed a hand on his cheek.
"You've got a fever!"
"...what?"
"You're burning up, why didn't you say you were sick?!"
"Huh? I'm not sick," he said, sounding confused. He tried to sit up but as he lifted his head from Riku's shoulder the world around him seemed to tilt, and Riku tightened his arm around him so he wouldn't fall back.
Kairi reached out and touched his forehead as well. "No, you're definitely not well Sora, you must be feeling awful!"
"Thought I was just tired... haven't been sleeping much."
"When's the last time you slept properly?" She asked anxiously.
"Not sure... few weeks."
"Dammit Sora, no wonder you're sick," Riku snapped. Then he sighed and spoke more kindly. "Come on, let's get back inside."
He helped him to his feet and, before there was a chance for Sora's knees to give way again, pulled his arms over his shoulders and picked him up on his back. "Thanks," Sora murmured in his ear.
"You can thank me by going to sleep," Riku grumbled and Sora gave a small laugh, the first genuine one he had given in a while. He tried to stay awake anyway but had very little success. By the time they were climbing the castle steps, he was out cold.
Kairi disappeared to the kitchen while Riku carried Sora to his room. Riku wasn't sure if it was just his imagination, but he seemed lighter than the last time he had carried him like this. Maybe Kairi had been right when she worried he might have stopped eating.
Sora woke just long enough to let Riku help him out of his jacket and shoes and into his bed before his eyes thankfully closed again. He was too exhausted to speak, let alone try to stay awake anymore. Maybe the exhaustion had spurred on his hallucinations of being back in that city tonight.
Riku sat down beside him and ran a hand through his hair, wondering how long it would be before the nightmares began. Now that he knew what he was dreaming of he understood why they were so difficult for Sora to sleep through.
Though overjoyed to be back, as he felt the burning of Sora's skin against his fingertips, what he felt more than anything was misery. How could he have left him when he was in this much pain...
Kairi knocked softly on the open door and was relieved when she saw Sora still asleep. "I hope he doesn't get too sick," she whispered, and placed the damp cloth she was holding on his forehead. His face was abnormally flushed and she felt like kicking herself for not realising he was unwell sooner.
Seeing how upset Riku was, she reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "He'll be OK Riku." He looked up at her with a dismal expression and she tried to smile. "We'll all be OK."
He attempted to return the smile but didn't say anything, and turned back. With his jacket off Riku could see how much more pronounced Sora's collarbones had become and was now certain that he had lost weight. Kairi had noticed too.
"I wonder why that man was trying to make him change into this Rage," Kairi muttered bitterly.
"I think that's a mystery that can wait until he's better," Riku said, as he took Sora's hand in his. He'd been through enough for now, everything else could wait for a while.
Riku slept fitfully, haunted by everything Sora had told them, and from watching him be crushed under the pain of those memories. He gave up in the early hours of the morning and left the other two to sleep.
Without much to do, he sat in the lounge reading for a few hours until he was hungry enough for breakfast. He hadn't expected to see either of the others up until much later in the day, or maybe not at all in Sora's case, but soon after he entered the kitchen he heard a groggy voice from behind him.
"Morning..." He turned to find Sora standing in the doorway, still in the clothes he'd slept in and looking half asleep.
"Hey, what are you doing out of bed?"
"Thirsty..." he muttered as he wandered into the room and Riku gave a snort, slightly exasperated, but mostly amused. The amusement faded as Sora began coughing though, having developed one overnight, and put a hand on his right side as he winced. His ribs didn't often bother him anymore, but coughing was horribly painful still.
"Go sit down, I'll get you some water," Riku told him and he nodded gratefully. When Riku joined him at the table Sora drained the glass he was handed in seconds, so Riku passed him his.
"Thanks," he croaked, before emptying the second glass as well.
"How are you feeling?"
"Shit," he replied bluntly. But then he turned to Riku and the corners of his mouth lifted a little, despite how awful he felt. "I'm glad you're here."
They smiled at each other for a moment, until Sora broke into a hacking cough again.
Good thing you're almost healed, Riku thought to himself as Sora placed a hand on his ribcage, hating to think how much worse the pain would have been if he'd been sick like this a few weeks ago. Riku rubbed his back until the coughing fit ended, then pressed a hand to his forehead and found his fever just as bad as the night before.
"You should go back to bed, it's really early."
"Nah, don't want to sleep."
"Because of the dreams?" Sora nodded, looking forlorn, and Riku wished he could protect him from this kind of nightmare the same way he had fought his others before. "Sora, you've got to get some rest, you're sick and exhausted," he pleaded, but Sora just shook his head. "Not sleeping is going to make you more sick and miserable."
Sora shook his head again and Riku sighed. It was impressive Sora could still be stubborn when he was this out of it. Then again, considering how unwell and sleep-deprived he was, rational thinking probably wasn't something he could manage right now... It was a wonder he could still string two words together.
"Alright, no sleep then, come hang out with me." When he stood up Sora didn't follow him, so he took his hand and led him to the living room, hoping he could coax him into resting.
When they got there he picked up one of the blankets they had left there the day before and wrapped it around Sora's shoulders. He seemed to have turned into a zombie on the short walk from the kitchen, and just stared blankly back at Riku as he forced him to sit down on the couch.
Sora drew his legs up after himself so he could huddle under the blanket, shivering a little, and Riku dropped down in front of him. It was almost as if he was in a stupor, and Riku doubted he even knew where he was anymore.
"You don't have to sleep, but can you at least lie down? Please?" He seemed to understand this at least because he resolutely shook his head again. "Dammit Sora..." Riku muttered. He sat down on the couch beside him and, taking his shoulders, gently pulled him down so he was lying beside him with his head resting on his legs. Despite his stubborn refusals to rest he didn't try and sit up again. He started coughing the moment he lay down, and Riku rubbed his arm.
"Don't want to sleep..." he murmured again when it stopped.
"Yeah yeah, sorry about this," Riku apologised, not feeling in the slightest bit guilty. He put a hand on Sora's head and started softly raking his fingers through his hair, trying to get him to relax, and within seconds he had fallen asleep. Well that was easy, he thought, and grinned. He doubted Sora would remember this betrayal, delirious as he was, but even if he did Riku was sure he'd be grateful for it in the end.
When Kairi eventually got up as well she found the boys in the lounge. Riku was sitting on the couch with his phone in one hand, and the other resting on Sora's shoulder, who was curled up under a blanket beside him. He was fast asleep with his head in Riku's lap, snoring now thanks to his worsening cold.
"Trapped again?" she asked quietly, as she came to sit at the nearby low table.
"Yeah, don't think I'll be moving for a while." It had been almost two hours now, and it seemed Sora hadn't been bothered by a single nightmare yet, so he was going to be staying there as long as his body would allow him.
"I'm guessing you'll want a lunch delivery at some point then?"
Riku opened his mouth to respond but was cut off as Sora started coughing again. Thankfully he wasn't waking himself up each time this happened, probably because of just how drained and beaten down his body was, though his cough did seem to be getting worse, an awful chesty one by this point.
Riku expected he was going to be ill for several days yet. It might be a blessing in disguise though. No one had realised he had been intentionally avoiding sleep, or just how severe his sleep deprivation had become, but there was no way he could keep fighting it now he was sick. If they were lucky he might even be a little less depressed once it passed.
Riku massaged his shoulder gently with his thumb until he stopped coughing, and Kairi smiled happily at the look of deep care and adoration Riku was giving him.
There was no way she could risk anything happening to push them apart again, and she was sick of waiting for these two morons to figure this out themselves. She couldn't let this go on any longer.
"So, are you going to tell him?"
Riku looked up at her quizzically. "Tell him what?"
She tilted her head and gave him a wicked grin. "That you're in love with him."
His mind ground to a halt and he stared at her blankly.
He blinked once, then twice, and turned crimson.
"Hah! I knew it!" she cried gleefully.
"I-, Uh..." He quickly looked away and started stammering, his brain not having quite caught up with what she had said. Kairi clapped her hands over her mouth to try and stop herself from laughing as he took a few moments to get a hold of himself. He looked around the room, as though hoping to see a sign somewhere telling him how on earth to deal with this situation. But no ideas came to him, so he turned back to her, looking horrendously embarrassed.
There was no point denying it, he'd already given himself away.
"When did you figure that out?" he mumbled awkwardly.
"Ages ago, around when you both came back to the islands."
"What?!"
He'd exclaimed far too loudly and Sora started shifting a little in his lap. For a terrifying moment, Riku thought maybe he was awake and listening, but then he settled and went back to snoring softly. Kairi had her hands clasped over her mouth again, giggling at Riku's expression as he let out a small whistle of relief. He leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling. "You've seriously known this whole time?" he groaned quietly.
"Riku, I've known you since you were 5, did you really think I wouldn't be able to tell? It did take me a bit longer with him though, he's much less obvious than you."
His head snapped back up so fast he almost cricked his neck. "So... you think he...?"
She rolled her eyes at him. "Yes Riku, I do. Have you really not noticed?"
The corners of his mouth twitched. "I thought... maybe." He gave her a sheepish look and scratched the back of his head in a way much more characteristic of Sora.
"Not as dumb as you look then."
"You've gotten mean Kairi, you've been hanging out with Axel too much."
They both laughed quietly and Riku looked down at Sora with a crooked smile on his face. "I wish I'd known that sooner..."
"That he feels the same?"
"Well, yeah that, but I meant that you knew. Knowing that would have saved me a lot of stress."
"Why?"
"I kind of assumed- you know, the two of you..."
She gaped at him. "Is that why you've been taking your time so much?!" She shook her head in exasperation. "And you're meant to be the smart one..."
"Hey, you can't blame me for thinking that," he said with an offended tone, and she had to admit, he had a point. "Everyone thought that." He trailed off and stared back down at Sora. "I mean, you were the only one he ever said goodbye to, even though he knew he was going to leave."
He hated that he still felt bitter about it.
Kairi's face fell, hearing the faint pain in his voice. "Yeah, I didn't understand that either at the time... but I think I do now. I think he was scared."
"Scared?"
She nodded. "He didn't want to say goodbye to you."
"Why?"
"It would have made it too real. He wanted to be brave and pretend it was fine, and I don't think he would have been able to keep pretending if he had to say goodbye to you"
And just like that, the bitterness was gone.
He understood now.
"A while ago I did feel that way for him, but in the past few years, that's changed," Kairi continued. "I still love him more than anything, but it's not like that anymore. It's the same way I feel about you. You two are my family." She flashed him a radiant smile. "Right?"
He smiled back and nodded. "Yeah."
They grinned at each other, enjoying the moment of quiet contentment and joy.
For a while, the only sound in the room was Sora's faint snoring as he slept. Kairi broke their silence though, still desperately needing confirmation.
"Buuuuut... you are going to tell him, right?"
Riku stared down at his oldest and dearest friend, the person he always felt most at home with. The person he would protect and stand by till the day he died, and who he knew would do the same for him. The person who had done it for him so many times already, without a second thought.
He looked back up at Kairi with a warm smile on his face.
"Yeah, I will."
"Oh thank god," she gasped, flopping forwards dramatically onto the table as she felt weeks of stress finally lift from her shoulders.
"Maybe not yet though," he added with a chuckle. "Not while he's this sick." He'd rather wait until Sora was a little less delirious for that conversation...
Kairi lifted her head back up and glared at him. "Well you better hurry up, otherwise I'm going to do it for you."
"What!" He gaped at her in horror.
"You heard me."
"You wouldn't do that?!"
"Oh yes I would!"
"Do what?"
They jumped at the sound of Sora's voice, and found him awake and peering over at Kairi. Riku went scarlet again.
"Nothing!" Kairi trilled, blushing too, but grinning.
Sora blinked blearily at her, then rolled over and frowned up at Riku, looking concerned. "You're all red... you aren't sick too are you?" He raised a hand clumsily to try and touch his forehead but only succeeded in smacking him on the nose.
"Ow!" Riku grabbed his hand and lowered it back down before Sora managed to poke him in the eye. "No, don't worry, I'm fine."
"That's good..." he murmured, before holding a hand to his mouth as his cough started again.
"You OK?" Riku asked as he watched him grimace at the sharp pain in his ribs.
"Cold..." He rolled back over and placed a hand on Riku's knee (who was very relieved it wasn't the one he'd just been coughing into).
Riku pulled the blanket back up over his shoulders and put an arm around him as Sora shivered a little and tried to shift closer to him, pressing himself against his leg. Riku smiled and began running a hand through his hair again, hoping he could lull him to sleep before had a chance to start resisting it. It took less than a minute, and when Riku looked up Kairi was grinning at him.
He raised an eyebrow at her. "If he heard any of that you're dead."
She giggled and stood up. "Coffee?"
"Please," he said gratefully, following it with an aggravated "hey, get off!" as she reached out and messed up his hair on her way past.
By the time Aqua, Terra, and Ven arrived back in the late afternoon Riku had given in to his own need for rest. The last few weeks hadn't been easy, and sleep had been difficult with so much constantly on his mind.
When the three of them peered into the living room they found the two boys fast asleep on the couch and withdrew quickly, not wanting to wake them.
They found Kairi in the kitchen, sitting at the table with a large collection of shells spread out in front of her. She'd enjoyed making the two wayfinders, so was experimenting with some other projects now.
The moment she saw them she cried out "you're back!" and jumped up from her seat. She raced over and knocked the wind out of a very surprised Aqua as she hugged her. "I don't know how you did it Aqua," she said, squeezing her tightly, "but thank you so much."
It took Aqua a few moments to recover, but when she did she smiled and hugged her back, as her heart swelled with joy.
Sora hardly opened his eyes for several days, waking only when the others forced him to eat and drink, or when gently shaken awake as the occasional nightmare began. Whether it was simply having people beside him or the severity of his exhaustion, they didn't know, but for a wonderful change, he was barely bothered by his nightmares. Riku began to wonder if maybe some of his dream eater powers really had carried over into the waking world.
The six of them spent much of this time together. The combination of relief that Sora had reached out for help, concern for his physical state, not to mention just how stressed they had been for weeks, meant they were all in need of some relaxed time together.
Sora slept almost constantly, whether it was on Kairi's shoulder, in Riku's lap, or lying against his chest with his head tucked under his chin. In his fever delirium every now and then he would chime in while the others talked with barely related and baffling comments, much to their entertainment.
He would complain multiple times a day about everyone hanging around him, worried they would also catch his cold. He did this no matter how often they pointed out how unlikely it was since they, unlike him, all currently had functioning immune systems. He'd run himself down so much they thought it was a miracle he hadn't become ill sooner.
As they all sat together, talking, playing games, or pursuing their own interests in comfortable silence, it struck Riku that this was going to be the first time in years that he and Sora would actually be able to stay in one place for more than a week or so. He had frequently stayed with Mickey over the past year but had never really lived there. Aqua had said they could stay here as long as they wanted and somehow, in just a few days, the Departure castle had begun to feel like home.
They would surely return to the islands one day, but right now this felt like the right place for them and Kairi to be. After all they'd been through, the idea of living in a world where they were the only ones aware of what lay beyond their island shores seemed lonely, or claustrophobic to say the least. He wondered if Sora would feel the same way about it when he began to recover and if he would feel like he had a home again as well.
"I was lying..."
"Hmm?" Riku looked down at Sora, curled up in bed beside him, not having realised he was awake.
They were alone in Sora's room for a change, as it was still relatively early in the day and Kairi had already left for training. After the revelation that she'd known Riku's secret all along she had asked him if it would still be alright for her to stay in Sora's room with the two of them while he was sick. He had, of course, said yes, knowing how awful being pushed away had been for her as well, so it was rare for the two of them to be alone right now.
"When I said I didn't want to see you, I was lying," Sora murmured, eyes still closed.
"How come you said it?" he asked as he put his book down. There was no hint of accusation in his voice, he just wanted to know.
"Didn't want you to see."
"See what?"
"This..."
He opened his eyes now and, though he didn't look up at him, Riku could see that his eyes weren't entirely blurred from exhaustion like they usually were. They were empty, and awfully sad.
It was four days now since he had collapsed and they'd realised he was ill. Luckily they had been right when they suspected it wasn't a serious illness. His cough and body aches had begun to fade. His fever was yet to break but considering he'd just managed several coherent sentences in a row, Riku was hopeful it wouldn't be much longer now.
"Sora..." Riku shuffled down the bed so he could lie down with him, face to face. Sora looked away, staring down at the pillow beneath Riku's head instead of his eyes. "You never have to hide anything from me, you know that."
"Didn't want to hurt you though... Don't want you to be sad."
The roles really have been reversed huh... He reached out and took Sora's hand. "It makes me sad that you're hurting, but that's OK. I want to be here for this."
Sora was silent for a while, then looked up and finally met Riku's gaze. "Thanks... I missed you." His voice came out slightly slurred, and his eyelids were beginning to droop already. Riku expected he wasn't entirely sure what he was saying. He smiled and squeezed Sora's hand.
"I missed you too."
"I don't want you to ever leave... want you to stay, but if you want to leave again it's OK."
"What?"
"If you want to, that's OK."
Riku gave him a shocked look. "You're kidding, right? Why would I want to leave?"
"This..."
Riku stared at him, open-mouthed, then closed it slowly as he realised what Sora meant.
"You dummy." He let go of Sora's hand and placed a hand on his cheek instead, stroking it with his thumb. "I just told you, I want to be here for this. I'm not going anywhere." He smiled at him and got a tiny one in return. Sora's eyes were almost closed by now, just a tiny sliver of blue still visible, and Riku smirked at him."You really must be out of it if you think there's any chance of that happening."
"Huh?" he looked bemused, and Riku laughed.
"Sora, I'm never leaving again."
"Oh, that's good..." he murmured, eyes finally closing. "I never want you to leave either."
"You already said that."
"I did?"
"Just go back to sleep."
Sora gave a small nod and was gone again. Once he was certain he was asleep Riku leant over and pressed his lips to his forehead. Hurry up and get better, he thought to himself, smiling affectionately and wondering how much of this Sora would even remember.
30/11/22 - Chapter 26 is posted on Archive of our own. I update first and more often there (although currently on hiatus) and then chuck some up here every now and then. Same user and story name.
