No notes here 'cause I'm in a terrible mood after all the stuff that's happened.
On with the chapter!
Chapter 12: Targeted
I stared down at the table in a mix of utter boredom and frustration. Lita was revealing as much as she could about the parts of my life I try to keep away from my friends. It had gotten to the point where I no longer cared about lying to get out of it. But of course I could always be incredibly blunt and just say that I was bored and thus was going to leave. Which seemed like a much better idea.
"I'm bored so goodbye all."
"Goodbye honey. Remember to tell me if you want to have dinner later."
"Trust me you are the last person on this table I would want to have dinner with. Hell I would prefer to have Rengar as a guest and he would probably insist on hunting down the food."
"That's a wonderful idea! I can go hunting and I get to eat something! I'm going to go do that now."
A moment later Rengar disappeared with a deep laugh. I shrugged slightly and got up from my seat. Looking down to Ahri she had her head buried into her arms which were crossed over on the table. I could see that her eyes were closed which meant that somehow she had managed to get to sleep.
For some reason I decided this was the perfect time to test something I had always wanted to try.
I checked around to make sure no-one was looking and then took of my armoured glove and flicked one of Ahri's fox-ears. She immediately shot up and looked around frantically. Before she looked in my direction I threw my glove back on and tried to act as casual as possible, even whistling quietly while trying to avoid meeting Ahri's gaze.
After another moment I checked down to see where she was looking and accidentally looked right at her and she looked back. All I could do was point at Shen and hope she would believe me.
"I do many things. Flicking the ears of Fox-women is not among them." Shen responded without even looking in our direction.
"Could you not take the fall for this one thing?"
"I prefer not being on fire. Taking the blame would be counter to that."
"You did good Shen. Now if you will excuse us Zoh is going to be making up to me."
"Really dropped me into the deep end there Shen. I'll remember that."
"I doubt it. You tend to forget things as soon as they are no longer the main focus of your life."
It irritated me but I had to admit he was right. I was about to argue for the sake of argument but I was tugged away by my hand by one of Ahri's tails. She led me to the door and as we were about to leave she declared loud enough for most of the room to hear.
"Come on Zoh we are going to play strip billiards!"
Fifteen minutes later (13:00):
"It seems to me that you can't lose in this situation. You can win the game or you could let me win and then you get to see me naked. Wonderful isn't it?"
"Yeah but if I win I have to get nude and then I'll be cold."
"If that's the case then I will keep you warm myself. How does that sound?"
"Sounds… comfy."
"Go on and take the shot already. I really want to do some other stuff."
I finished the game but when I looked up I could not see Ahri. Seeing a flash of white on my left I turned to see nothing there. Taking a few steps away from the pool table I looked around cautiously. Being half-naked made the whole situation a bit worse. The moment I took one step to close to my bed Ahri jumped on me from behind, the force enough to knock me down onto the bed. She flipped me over to look at her and I was surprised at what I saw.
Ahri's hair was the same colour as her eyes and all her tails were bright pink. She also had a necklace with a golden heart which was dangling down to the top of her chest. She was, as expected, wearing nothing else.
"When did you do all this?"
"All what?"
I gestured towards all of the different things and she inspected all of them individually.
"I didn't do this."
"So what you're saying is someone else did?"
"No-one else has been in here."
"Let's assume magic then. And since all magic is disabled unless it's from a summoner, we can say that it's either an odd joke or one of these 'skins' that Shen told me about. At least you're not on fire…"
"Well it seems to me that the main question here is: does it make you want to do any fun stuff?"
"Yes but I think I will be content with the regular stuff we do. Hugging, kissing, massaging etc."
Ahri seemed to be okay with this and within seconds was pressed against me. She quickly pressed her lips against mine and her tongue began exploring my mouth. Moments later I felt a few of Ahri's tails wrap around both my hands and place them on her back. It was clear what she wanted me to do so I began to caress all the curves I knew and loved. While I did that I failed to notice that Ahri's tails had all lined up around me. Before I knew it they all wrapped around me, keeping me firmly pressed against Ahri and only leaving my arms able to move. The moment I was fully constricted she pulled her head away and looked down at me, a devious smile spreading quickly across her face.
"It appears that I can do whatever I want right now…"
Ahri trailed off for a moment as she leaned down until I could feel her warm breath on my face.
"And we both know what that is."
"I'm going to guess that what you want is cookies so if you let me go I can make some."
"I do want cookies but there's another thing which is more important right now."
"These tails are much stronger than I remembered and it's really not helping me."
"Stop trying to change the subject. Now let's get down to the business of breaking you."
"Sounds painful."
"It will be if you keep talking."
"Am I allowed to mumble or hum?"
"No."
"… Can I write stuff down on some paper instead of talking?"
"Zoh shut up or I'll skip the easy part."
I tried to push Ahri off of me but her tails kept her firmly against me. This was quickly becoming a situation that I could not talk my way out of, mostly due to my own arrogance. All my options were quickly being taken away and before I could try to sweet-talk her out of it Ahri pulled me into yet another kiss. Was this really what I get for flicking her in the ear or had I done something else?
Things went from bad to worse when I felt Ahri's hand begin to glide along my boxers while a few of her tails pulled back to force my hands onto the sides of her breasts. I could already feel my will slipping away and at that point even Shen could not have put an end to it.
That very moment an answer to my prayers burst through the door. A summoner who I assumed looked surprised under the hood walked in and was about to literally jump back out when I managed to break away from Ahri and call over to him:
"Hold up summoner! What did you come here to say? I really need a distraction right now!"
He hesitated at first but regained his composure long enough to reply.
"We… uh, had a minor problem with some magic and it changed Ahri into... well… you can see."
"And you decided to come and tell us this why?" Ahri retorted without even attempting to hide the anger in her voice.
"We would… prefer… to get this resolved sooner rather than later but if you two are in the middle of something then I can come back in a little while."
"Yes please do go and resolve this as soon as possible. Go on Ahri get off me we can resolve this later."
For a split second it looked like Ahri was simply going to kill the summoner but she eventually released me and used her tails to cover herself from the summoner. Grabbing some clothes from the floor she got dressed and walked to the door before turning back to face me.
"If you're not here when I get back I will find you and make it a whole lot worse than it has to be."
I gave a cheery smile and waved her off. As soon as she left the room I groaned and fell backwards onto the bed.
"How the hell did I of all people get in a situation like this?"
Rolling my head to look at my book-case I saw a one about mythical creatures. I had nothing else to do so I decided I might as well give it a look. Getting up from the bed I walked over and pulled it out. It looked quite old and more than a little dusty. Taking a seat at the edge of the bed I opened it to the contents page. All of the page numbers were accompanied by a small drawing of the creature in question. Most of the names I would not dare to try and pronounce but one in particular caught my eye. The 'Kumiho' or nine-tailed fox was familiar for obvious reasons.
Flipping to the page on the creature I read through the summary of it. Apparently these creatures would take on a human form to seduce young men and then eat their liver and/or heart. The accompanying picture looked like Ahri in almost every way. As I read on I sub-consciously began to rub my chest with my hand. It appeared that in a few examples they would kill their victim while having sex. I slowly closed the book and laid it on my lap.
"Well… I may be in trouble."
I got up and went to the book-case. Just as I was about to put it back I heard Ahri opening my door so I turned to the door and held the book behind my back and tried to smile. She walked in and appeared to be back to her normal self.
"Hi. That didn't take long."
"We got half way there when he turned to me and said he just remembered that he could turn me back without being in some special room. What have you got in your hands?"
"Oh nothing I'm just… uh… stretching. Yeah. I'm stretching my weary muscles after all that stuff happened."
"Taking your time with that stretch."
"My arms are really, really stiff. Too bad I don't think I'll be able to use them properly so we can't do anything much."
"You didn't put any effort at all into that lie."
"It wasn't a lie my arms are aching so much. Oh god they ache so much. Yeah."
Ahri sighed and looked at the ground for a second. While she did that I threw the book out of the window which made an incredibly quiet thump as it hit the floor.
"It's like you forget that I have really good hearing whenever I'm not reminding you."
"That noise was… me. Just punching the good old book-case…"
"Uh huh. That makes sense. Anything else you feel like sharing?"
"Actually now that you mention it I have some terrible liver and heart pain right now. It's really bad. If I was a creature and I was planning to eat my liver and/or heart right now I would re-consider. I think it might be a disease and y– the creature wouldn't want that because it feels really bad. Ouch. Uh. It hurts. Yeah."
"I for one wasn't planning on it and no-one else is here so I think you're safe. Thankfully for you the pain will be put to the back of your mind once I get to work."
"No, no, no I wouldn't want to pass this on to you through sexual contact. Maybe we should wait until tomorrow or something."
"So it's a disease that causes heart and liver pain and can be transferred by sex. Interesting."
"Oh yeah and it gives me a fever so I have to get changed like, right now."
"You're the scientist here what is the name of this disease?"
"Don't… eat… my… organs… itus. Yeah. That."
That had to be the worst name I could have possibly come up with but my mind was not working in my favour at that moment.
"Donteatmyorgansitus? Seems like that name is also a warning for predators."
"I wouldn't say so. I mean a predator would have to be human somehow to understand it in the first place."
"That seems rather unlikely to me. How would a predator become human and why would it learn about this disease?"
"Uh magic I guess? And if the predator was smart it would learn about these things. Probably…"
"Say this predator was a fox. When would you say it would need to know about this?" Ahri muttered as she walked towards me slowly.
"Maybe if it was going to do it with someone then kill them?"
"Why would it feel the need to do anything with someone before it killed them?"
Ahri was inches away from me now and despite us being the same height she seemed to make me shrink down ever so slightly.
"There could be many reasons… like, uh fun? I guess."
She furrowed her brow momentarily before shoving me to the ground. Mere seconds after I hit the ground Ahri sat on my stomach and used her knees to pin my arms down. She moved her head down so that it was a few centimetres from my face.
"Last but far from least: what would you do if you met the fox? Surely being invulnerable to death would mean you have nothing to worry about."
"The invulnerability is to death. Champions can lose limbs or break them and have to get a summoner to replace them according to Shen…"
By the time I realised what I was saying it was far too late.
"Why did I say that?"
"You didn't answer my question Zoh."
"My first response would be to run hell away. Failing that I would get my armour on if possible. And if nothing else worked I would try to talk my way out of it. Being completely honest here, my organs work best where they are so keeping them that way would be just wonderful."
"While I would love to keep questioning you like this I think we should just cut to the chase. I'm not going to eat you. Or at least I didn't plan on it. So whatever you have been reading you should just disregard. If I wanted to kill you I could name hundreds of times when I had the perfect opportunity."
"I'm not sure if I completely believe you."
"Literally a few minutes ago I could have done whatever I wanted and you would have been helpless to stop it."
"So then how come in the book people almost exactly like you would have tried to kill me?"
"I know about the creatures you read about and let me just point out some key differences. They can change to be human whenever they want, I can't. They eat people, I don't. They usually seduce young men but I chose you and we are the same age. The differences out-weigh the similarities."
"Yeah I guess you're right. Sorry I didn't trust you but nine-tailed foxes are not an everyday thing for me so you can see why I would find it difficult to distinguish between different types."
"You know what I think? I think you should have to make it up to me. How do you suppose that you will do that?"
"Any chance that I can just buy you something? Like a puppy? Or a TV? Do TV's even exist on this planet?"
"Answer to all questions: no."
"I would invent television but I think many people would die from explosions."
"Seems like it's a good idea to not do that. But it appears that once again you are getting off the topic."
"Okay then how else would I make it up to you… hmm… want to go to space?"
"Not particularly."
"Damn. What do you want? Try to keep it something I would not try to throw myself out the window to avoid."
Ahri sat up straight and sighed. She got off of me and stood up and indicated for me to do the same. As I did so she got undressed and laid, using her leg and arms to cover up the important parts. I stood just at the edge of the bed on the window side. A large smile spread quickly across my face as I remembered a plan I had for this situation which I had sorted with a certain robot while Ahri was shopping for Bob.
"Are you just going to stand there smiling or are you going to come join me?"
"No I'm going to leave before you get a chance to stop me. And do you want to know how?"
"What have you done?"
I picked an earpiece from the window sill and attached it to my ear. Looking back to Ahri I practically shouted:
"Blitz-hook aha!"
Moments after I said that a large metallic hand flew through the open window and yanked me out with it as it left. Flying through the air I looked over to the opposite block where the hook had come from. Blitzcrank's room was directly opposite ours and I could just about see him standing at the window as I flew towards him over the courtyard. Eventually I was pulled into his room and as he let go of me I looked up at his large, yellow robot body and smiled.
"Thanks Blitz. Really got me out of a bad situation there."
"This unit was happy to help a human in need. If assistance is required again please do ask. Also if you are ever having relationship problems I can help. Blitzcrank's dating service is always open." He replied slowly as all his words were recorded separately.
"I already have enough relationship problems. The last thing I need is advice from a robot."
"What if I were to inform you that your compatibility rate with your fiancée is: 7%. Your compatibility rate with Ahri is 92%."
"I'm not engaged to Lita why does everyone think I am?"
"The most recent Journal of justice has an in-depth walkthrough of your current relationship status. Three pages are devoted to informing the reader of this."
"Tabloid newspapers are the bane of my existence right now."
I went to the door but just as I was about to open it and leave Blitz turned to me and spoke:
"Clothes are preferential in social situations."
"True. Hmm what should I use…?" I replied while taking out the device from my pocket. Skipping through the various settings I mumbled quietly.
"Space-suit, diving-suit, lava-suit, explosive-suit… aha invisibility-suit! Perfect. I can't remember if this explodes or not. Oh well only one way to find out!"
Pressing the button a much smaller version of my usual suit materialised which provided very little in terms of protection. The only armour it did have was a set of plates on the main body to protect vital organs.
Very cautiously I pressed the button a small button on my wrist and prayed to anything listening that it would not explode. There was a slight sizzle on my back before I pixelated away into invisibility.
"Thanks again Blitz. I'll see you later."
Opening the door I slid out and closed it behind me. I moved very carefully along the hall to the stairs at the end. I had a relatively good idea where I was but I still planned on getting to the lobby to get my bearings.
As I thought about it the problem became apparent that I didn't really have a plan beyond avoiding Ahri for an hour or so. While I thought about it I reached the bottom of the stairs and had to stop myself from swearing under my breath when I saw Lita casually strolling towards me. Hoping that she didn't have some way of seeing me I stood perfectly still and didn't breathe until she walked past.
Just as I though the danger had passed she called back to me from half way up the stairs.
"You're not very sneaky these days Zoh."
Majorly irritated would be an under-statement. What if she decided it was best to tell Ahri just to annoy me? Whatever the case I had to get a move on.
I walked through various hallways until eventually I reached the main lobby. I had a quick check for any signs of Ahri but found nothing. Just the usual people lounging about and doing nothing in particular. She had probably already been through here if she was even bothering to look for me.
I took a seat by the water fountain in the middle of the huge room and tried to relax for a second. It was obvious why Ahri always acted this way but that didn't make me any more comfortable with it.
After a while of trying to imagine myself in an easier situation I decided to just sit and think about nothing in particular. Having not realised I was still invisible the fact that Kayle had flown up and was about to sit on me confused me more than a little bit.
"Would you mind not sitting on me? I heard it has nothing but bad effects."
"Wait. Zoh? Where are you?"
"Right here. Sitting in the chair."
She looked down at me for a moment before laughing lightly.
"You do realise you're invisible right?"
"Oh yeah I forgot about that. Bit awkward." I replied while pressing the button on my wrist.
"Is this a hobby or are you hiding from someone?"
"Ahri has been slightly… forward, recently. I still don't know quite how I feel about her so when she acts like this I have to get out of there."
"Since when has running ever been the best option? Surely you understand that you have to confront her about this. If she agrees to give you some space then continue on as normal. But if she persists and ignores what you want then clearly she does not deserve to be with you, or anyone for that matter."
"Yeah I suppose I have to speak to her about it eventually. I just wish I could delay it a bit longer. Can I just say that I'm really glad that we got to start over Kayle? You have been very helpful." I replied with a warm smile.
"I wouldn't say I have helped that much. Seems your problem has come to face you." She responded while pointing to one of the doorways behind me.
Turning around I saw Ahri scanning the room with an expression which would have better suited someone looking to kill something. A moment later she caught a glimpse of me and I melted slightly into my chair, hoping she wouldn't recognise me with different armour on.
Looking back forward as to not attract attention I noticed Kayle was already gone. By this point I could not get any further into my chair when I felt something grab onto my shoulders and yank me over the back of the chair. I grunted as I hit the ground to see Ahri kneeling down on me, preventing most movement. She ripped my helmet off and threw it to the side.
"Did I not say it would be worse for you if you ran?"
"To my credit you said that about if I ran when you went with the summoner. Not after."
"Shut up and tell me why."
"I've told you why so many times yet you still try it every chance you get. Is it so hard to just accept that I don't want to for your own sake? I know that you are like this because the last seven or so years your body would have worked at a normal rate. Yet because you have spent your life as a fox and basically started life at twenty you're basically playing catch-up in terms of hormones. I don't know why your body is acting this way completely but that is the best you're going to get."
"Who the hell are you to tell me how my own damn body is working?"
"A scientist who has spent a considerable amount of time admiring it."
"So what do you want me to do then? Just let all this build up even more? I could lose control completely and my base desires would take over. And you would be the one first affected by it."
"I don't see why you would have to. You can just go pick up some guy and have sex with them. It's not cheating because I'm still just a friend. For the most part anyway."
"You're lying. If I did that you would be annoyed. Plus you would have nothing to do without me."
"That's offensive on two levels. First is that you think I care what a friend does in her spare time. Second is that you think I would have nothing to do."
"Are you sure you're okay with this?"
"I'm certain. Just be sure to get back by seven. We still have a match later."
When a smile made its way onto her face I felt a wave of relief. Just as I thought she was about to get up Ahri pulled me into a hug.
"Thanks Zoh."
"That's fine and all but can you get off now 'cause you're crushing my balls."
Ahri let go and got up. She held her hand out to help me up. As I took it and got up Ahri looked slightly apologetic.
"Sorry about that. So what are you going to do while I'm gone?"
"Probably have a look around the solar system. Blow some stuff up accidentally. Piss off a lot of summoners."
"Yeah that's normal. Have fun with that."
As Ahri walked off into the distance I pondered about how it would be easiest to get to space. It didn't take long for me to decide worm-holes would be the best way. Smiling brightly I picked up my helmet and began heading for the room.
A few hours later (16:00):
"I can see my house from here."
Looking down at Valoran I could recognise a few landmarks. Ionia stood out quite a bit and the mountains we had passed through were much longer than we originally thought.
Deciding I had spent quite enough time observing the rather ordinary planet I turned around to look at my target. Through my helmet I could see the moon which shined brilliantly as it reflected the sun. From what I could tell its surface was covered in a thick layer of ice. A small amount thrust was enough to get me to the surface in a few minutes. The moon was not large enough to retain a gravitational field so I would have to keep a constant amount of force pushing me down onto it.
I took a few steps, making sure to check the ground before I moved. The moon was featureless which was quite a disappointment really. Moons were usually fun. The amount that are volcanic was interesting to say the least, yet this one was completely dead. Eventually I found a decently sized crater from what I assumed was an asteroid impact. I stood on the edge and thought about checking out another planet or moon.
"This is dull. Rather cold as well."
"It's dull like the planet it orbits." Came from behind me. I could not recognise the voice through the speech system I had on my suit.
Turning around I saw Lita standing there with her arms crossed.
"Can I not even go to a moon without you following me?"
"I can't have you running off to another different planet. It took me quite some time to track you to the last one."
"This isn't running. This is my hobby. I could never run from Ahri."
"You didn't seem to have a problem with it earlier."
"That was different. I was doing that to help her."
"How was that possibly supposed to help her? Having the man she adores so very much running away when she tries to open up to you."
"There's so much innuendo in that sentence I can't bear it."
"Tell me what you think she is doing right now? Then tell me if you are truly okay with it."
"It's not a case of what she is doing it is who she is doing."
I chuckled a bit at my own joke before continuing.
"And yes I am fine with what she is doing. In fact, it was my idea."
"That's no reason to be okay with it."
"I realise you may not understand this in the slightest but I care more about what she wants than what I want. I can't explain why and I'm not going to attempt to."
"Your mind is like a web of conflicting ideas. Each one takes president over the last and the one ahead of that does the same. Now if you will excuse me I have had quite enough of this place."
Lita walked away into the horizon and as she disappeared from sight I took a moment to marvel at the total blackness above me. The only interesting part of this moon was the lack of stars in the sky. Looked down below me I took the pick-axe from my waist and began to smash away at the ground. I would quite like to know what this ice was made of.
Ahri POV
We walked down the hallways towards my room in silence. Jayce had been especially easy to seduce after we met for the first time since Piltover. He had obviously not realised I had charmed him all that time ago. I had even managed to do it without anyone else realising. The last thing I needed was the next Journal of justice to accuse me of cheating on Zoh.
I guided him to the room and opened the door. We walked in without a word. Even as I guided Jayce to my room he remained eerily silent. I pressed my hand on the door and was about to open it when I stopped. Despite all the urges I had I could not help but feel wrong about what I was doing. I had Zoh's permission but I could not help but feel like I was betraying him. This had to end.
"I… I'm sorry Jayce. I can't go through with this."
"Why not? Did I do something wrong?"
"No it's not your fault I just can't do it. I just want to be alone right now."
"If that's the case then I'm going to go find Miss Fortune. She's always easy."
Jayce left without another word while I sat down on the sofa. I had teased Zoh about him having nothing to do without me but it appeared that the opposite was true. Unlike him I had no hobby or job or anything really. The match was still hours away and I had just sent away my only entertainment.
Only then did I realise that Bob was at my feet. Since we got him he just seemed to do whatever he wanted and I usually just let him do it. Picking him up I cuddled with him for a while. Nothing happened for ages until I heard an explosion and the sound of something hitting the ground from Zoh's room. He started shouting obscenities for a second before he burst through the door, bathed in fire and frantically trying to pat himself down. Without even glancing at me he rushed to the bathing area button. He disappeared while still shouting.
"At least he's having no better of a time than I am."
Deciding that it was better than doing nothing I sat Bob down on the sofa and followed Zoh.
Appearing back on the island I saw Zoh in his full space-suit lying on his back in the water. Only a small fire remained and it was safely on his shoulder-guard. He didn't notice me at all so I tip-toed around behind him. Not quite sure how to best surprise him I sat there for a second as he patted down the last of the fire.
My opportunity arose when he got out of his armour. As he laid his head down on the bank of the spring I cupped my hands around his chin.
"How was space?"
"Went well at first. Then I found out that volcanoes can exist below ice. How was your afternoon?"
"I almost went through with it but I just couldn't. You're the only person I want to spend my time with."
"The sentiment is nice but the problem is still there that you are in that mood all the time."
"We can cross that bridge when we come to it. For now let's just find something to do until the match."
"And what do you suppose is going to happen when you inevitably try to do something again? It's all well and good saying we can solve it later but neither of us has any good idea when it's going to happen. I want to have a plan or something."
"You're the smart one here. You think of something. Who knows maybe you will have already made up your mind by the time it happens."
"Okay what if we could slowly ease our way through these situations? We just have to do a lot of small things but not enough to the point where it makes it worse."
"What would you count as a small thing?"
"How am I supposed to know? You have more experience with this sort of thing than I do."
"Barely. Neither of us have considerable experience in this."
"You wouldn't happen to know anyone who does would you?"
"Nope. Surely there is a better plan than this."
"It's the best I have."
"Could try getting drunk again."
"That would make it easier for you and we both know it."
"Yeah that was the point."
"You're not even trying to help now."
"Remember this is a bad thing for me. It's hard trying to convince myself to help."
"That's just wonderful. If we are going to get nowhere right now then I guess it will have to wait a while."
"Perhaps I could be of assistance in this matter." Shen's un-mistakable monotone voice spoke up from atop the water-fall.
"How are you going to help with this?" Zoh asked.
"All it takes is a lot of meditation."
"How much meditation?" I questioned.
"An hour every day should suffice."
"So you're going to make me sit down doing nothing for an hour every day for the benefit of Zoh?"
"Yes."
"It's either that or I go to another planet every time you try something."
"Fine but this doesn't mean you can stop thinking up a better plan."
"We should meditate now. I can already see the in-balance in you."
Two hours later (17:30):
"Zoh why are you on fire?"
"Me and the cook had a slight disagreement."
Zoh stood at the end of the table, still on fire and looked at everyone for a second before continuing:
"Some help would be appreciated."
Rengar took a jug of water from the middle of the table and poured it on Zoh, to little effect.
"That did a lot." Nocturne jested.
"At least he tried." I replied.
"Personally I am enjoying this. You being on fire is fun."
"That rude Nocturne." Ahri added.
"Hey I stopped haunting people in their dreams so this is all I have."
"Still on fire here."
The silence proved that no-one really knew what to do. Zoh was about to walk away and find water when some sort of human-like fish thing walked past and drenched him in water from seemingly no-where.
"Thanks uh… N-something wasn't it?"
"Nami. And it's no problem."
She moved away and Zoh took his seat next to me. I still hadn't quite forgiven him for making me meditate with Shen but I could not deny it had helped.
"What exactly did you do to make the chef set you on fire?" I asked.
"All I said was that my food was massively under-cooked. Which it was."
"He set you on fire for that?"
"It was a woman and I may have said one of Nocturne's jokes."
"Ha I already know which one it was. Yeah you deserve to be set on fire for telling that to a woman."
"Hey I told you that one." Morgana added.
"But you're the manliest woman I know… that didn't come out the way I meant for it to."
"I give you about five seconds Nocturne." Akali theorized.
True to what Akali thought a few seconds later Morgana was smacking Nocturne over his head which was slowly forcing him to back away towards the door. They left with the sound of Morgana still hitting him resonating from the hallway.
"You wouldn't do that to me would you?" Zoh asked me while he removed his helmet.
I remained silent for a few seconds before replying:
"No of course not. I would set you on fire and watch you run out on your own. That way I would get to continue eating."
"Of course how could I be so stupid?" He replied sarcastically.
"Let's not forget who managed to set themselves alight on an ice-covered moon."
"…"
"Aw too soon?"
"Lava really hurts you know."
"Stop being such a baby you had your armour."
"Bah it is useless arguing with you."
"Yeah it is. I always win anyway."
Zoh glared at me before something else caught his attention. Lita walked up and sat opposite us with a wide smile on her face.
"Guess what I just put an order out for?"
"How the hell are we supposed to know?"
"If you're not going to be excited that ruins it. I just put a bounty on both of your heads! Isn't that wonderful? Zoh will easily survive and you will not."
"You're kidding right?" Zoh asked, his mood now more concerned than annoyed.
"Nope. In fact a few assassins from Noxus are already working something up. Ah I'm so excited!"
"That… doesn't even make sense! Why put a hit on my head as well?"
"No it makes plenty of sense. You can't protect her and yourself and I know you well enough to be sure who you are going to save."
"Yeah. Her. Still makes no sense."
"Why would you protect her over yourself? You have so much to give the world but you… what do you actually do?"
"I do a lot of things but I won't tell you any of them."
"Never mind you are being useless. Oh look it's one of the assassins I mentioned earlier. Let's go talk to her."
Me and Zoh both turned around to look at where she was pointing. At one of the other tables sat a redhead with knives covering almost every single part of her body. She was talking to a man in Demacian armour who appeared to be showing off his muscles to her. While we sat and stared Lita walked over and got the redhead to follow her. As they approached Zoh waved and so did I.
"So you are the person who plans of killing me then?" Zoh asked.
"No that is Talons job. I get to do the easy part."
"Oh so I am the easy part?"
"Obviously. Just from looking at you I can tell it will take a day at most. An hour at least."
"If we weren't all invulnerable this place would be a bloodbath wouldn't it?" Zoh inquired.
"Oh yeah the only thing between my knife and Jarvan's throat is the summoners. I could kill him but the political and military backlash would be quite something."
"And of course we have nothing of the sort. Surely there would be some repercussions?"
"Killing an un-announced champion would get me a few months in Thresh's lantern. Nothing overly serious."
"So if we survive until we get announced then you give up?"
"Yeah it gets beyond the point where it's worth it. But of course that would require that you live another four days."
Zoh seemed to ponder over this for a second before his face lightened up and he grinned at all three of us.
"I have a plan and by my standards it's incredible. It includes some help from summoners, that appearance change from earlier and music."
Thirty minutes later (18:00):
"This is… an awful plan."
"Why? It solves the problem doesn't it?"
"It relies on a part of me that you have no experience with."
"I do though."
"Prove it."
"Remember on the ship when I said that the wall between the bathroom and the main room was sound-proof?"
"I trusted you and this is what I get in return."
"I trusted you and you were going to kill me. Anyway it doesn't matter because your singing was really good."
"There's a difference between singing in the shower and doing it in front of thousands of people."
"Just think about it this way: only half of the people will be listening to you. All the men will have other things on their minds."
"Surely we could just ask to be announced earlier?"
"That's no fun though. This way we have something to do for a few days and we live. It's the best way."
"So in a few days I'm going on tour to every major city in Valoran because it's something to do?"
"That's the idea."
"Wonderful. What about my meditation with Shen?"
"He's coming with us as head of security."
"What about you?"
"You think I would make a plan where I have to do extra work? I just get to watch from the side-lines."
"I better get something at the end of this."
"Apart from getting to live I imagine that you will get paid quite a lot."
"I meant from you."
"What do you want? Apart from the obvious things."
"You have to give me a day of beauty."
"What the hell is that supposed to be?"
"That's for you to work out."
"I don't think you could be less helpful if you tried."
"The idea is that you surprise me with what I do. If I told you it would ruin it."
"Can I run away to the moon?"
"Nope."
"Damn."
"Hey it's only fair. You're making me do something only you will enjoy so I'm making you do something only I will enjoy. Unfortunately you won't let me make you do something that-"
"That we would both enjoy I get the damn idea." Zoh cut-in with a tinge of irritation in his voice.
"Sorry but it always feels like I have to remind you. Just in case one day you decide it would be worth it."
"Good luck. With that."
A knock came from the door and Zoh immediately began walking towards it. He opened the door to be greeted by the sight of a summoner looking as dull as they all did.
"The council has made the announcement for this tour you planned to go on. All but one of the venues are already sold out."
"That was fast. How did you make that happen?"
"When you can advertise something on every announcement board on the planet instantly this stuff tends to happen. It works even better when you put someone like Ahri on the cover."
Turning to me with a smirk on his face Zoh teased:
"Looks like you can't get out of it now."
"The only thing I don't understand is that a city didn't sell out."
"Bandle city are not known as a musical bunch. The only people that can get a huge audience any time they visit are Pentakill."
"Who are they?"
"I wouldn't know. I avoid the members of that band at all times."
"Why?"
"One of them tried to sacrifice me to the Shadow Isles."
"Ah that's a terrible reason." Zoh joked.
"I shall be taking my leave now as I am taking part in a match in an hour or so."
"So are we. I guess we'll see you later."
"Hopefully you survive that long. Word is Katarina and Talon are looking for you."
"Yeah we know. They shouldn't be too much of a problem."
The summoner walked away and Zoh closed the door behind him. He walked back and sat down next to me.
"You're really not worried about those assassins? They are good enough to get into the League for god's sake"
"Have I not told you about the last time I had assassins come after me?"
"No you haven't said anything about that."
"Well basically I had ten or so come after me and I evaded them for a week until eventually they decided to teleport to me with some technology and as they did that I teleported myself to space."
"Surely that counts as killing them."
"No I was going to space anyway and they were just really unlucky."
"You know I was hoping to not bring this up but what happened when you first killed someone? I know you killed someone before that little incident."
"Long story short I tried to hide in one of their tents and someone was in there. He almost woke up so I had to kill him. At first I broke down mentally before I realised that I had to continue on for your sake."
"Is everything you do for me?"
"I have no-one else to do stuff for."
"When I think about it you have helped almost all our friends with something that you yourself have no real knowledge of."
"That was a compliment and an insult."
"If I said that you were great at romance it would be a lie."
"I helped Nocturne and Shen didn't I?"
"We helped Nocturne and Shen."
"So that's a win for teamwork."
"You could put it that way if you want to sound like a bad motivational speaker. Now I command you to think up something to do."
"Oh you command me do you?"
"Remember I can still tell you what to do."
"Yeah I remember but I was hoping you didn't."
"I could never forget something so useful."
"Anything in particular you want to do?"
"Surely you know me well enough to guess."
"I've known you for just over a week. I have a decent idea of what you like but not a great one."
"You never asked."
"These things don't take priority in my mind."
"Better make them take priority. If you are going to make me be a singer for a few days then I'm going to be as much of a diva as possible."
"Oh god no we had them on my planet. One of them hit me in the face for not giving them my armour then shot me."
"I hate to be the one to break this to you Zoh, but your planet is really damn weird."
"You won't find me denying it."
I finally got to release another chapter! Huzaa!
Anyways this is an extra-long one for the inconvenience so I hope you all had a wonderful time.
As a fun little note the next chapter will be all about the 'Spirit-rush' tour and Ahri. It is going to have quite the event in it that I can already tell will be fun to write and hopefully fun to read.
Once again I hope everyone had a nice time and I will see you all on Friday. Hopefully.
