There's not really much I can say here… also I'm writing this a few minutes after I published the last chapter… oh well.
As a note for everyone who doesn't like the lack of jokes: Mal-fight me IRL bro. I'll be the Viktor.
I don't know how to put any more champ names in there so… PUNS!
Why was Sivir kicked out of the spelling bee?
Because she could only spellshield.
Why does Viktor always win his lane? He has the upper hand.
It's funny Kha'Zix true.
These puns are Draven me crazy. They're un-voli-bearable.
… I'll stop now.
On with the amazing chapter name which actually has something to do with the chapter.
Chapter 27: Cock-blocked
"Zoh why are you wearing a tweed jacket?"
"If I'm going to be a teacher then I must wear tweed. It's like an un-written law."
"And the top hat over there on the table?"
"I just wanted a top hat. It's unrelated to the situation really."
"If you wear that in class I will beat you."
"What makes you think you could beat me?"
"Because you wouldn't fight back."
"You've got me there. Would you beat me up though?"
"Yeah. There's nothing I can do to you that would hurt nearly as much as what you've been through recently."
"It's a bit mean though."
"Aw would it hurt your feelings?"
"Maybe…"
Ahri shifted around and sat on my lap. She tried to lift my arms up and after I realised what she wanted I let her. Mere seconds later she had taken my jacket and shirt off. Ahri then proceeded to throw them on top of my tweed jacket and top hat. Even after all the times she did that it still surprised me how proficient she was at taking my clothes off. I quickly came the conclusion that it was from all the practice she had at it.
"Do you realise how many people's sexual fantasies you can act out right now Zoh? Apparently the whole 'teacher and student' thing is in right now."
"I could do that, or I could show you that secret."
"Ooh! Please show me the secret! Wait!"
She jumped up and went to the button leading to the kitchen. A few seconds later Ahri returned holding a glass of red wine. She sat down on the sofa and used the table as a footrest.
"Okay I'm ready."
I pressed the button and my armour appeared, stood upright, next to me.
"As you can see I have made a few considerable changes to my armour. It no longer has the cumbersome banner, the colour is dark blue instead of red and most importantly the symbol on the chest piece has changed. Now because I can't do anything like this the easy way I decided that instead of giving you the present I made I would make you work for it. This is where the symbol on the chest piece comes in. To most people it looks like a symmetrical assortment of random shapes. In reality, it's a puzzle. All the pieces can be taken off and switched around. Guess what you have to do."
"I'll assume I move them about until it looks like something I recognise then good stuff will happen."
"That's the plan. You crack on with that while I go get something to eat."
I got up and walked to the kitchen button. Only when I pressed it did I realise that there was nothing I wanted to eat yet I was still slightly hungry. Instead of just waiting until I was hungrier I decided to just take an entire baguette and go back to see how Ahri was doing. When I got back into the main room I saw that she had made little progress. I just sat down on the sofa where she had been and started eating.
Eventually I ran out of patience so I gave her some help:
"Ahri here's a hint: it's you."
"Are you… oh yeah now I see it."
She then solved it immediately and we were both looking at the symbol of her.
"I have to say it's not half bad. What else do I need to do?"
"Nothing."
I threw a piece of my baguette at the symbol which was enough to push it in ever-so-slightly. Moments later a necklace appeared on Ahri, getting a gasp from her and a sigh of relief from me. She looked down at it in surprise while I put my baguette down and walked up to her.
"Zoh this is amazing!"
I held her from behind and gazed down at my craftsmanship. It had three large diamonds in it and many small ones all around. One of the large ones was slightly bigger than the others and had a small part of the core of a sun inside it. Thanks to some technology I had developed the fusion reaction would continue on until the diamond it was encased in was destroyed. The same technology also prevented it from incinerating a huge area, which was always good. Obviously the intricacy and amount of diamonds meant that it was not something that Ahri would wear often but her reaction told me it was going to be seen whenever we went somewhere fancy.
"I'm glad you like it."
"I love it! What's this thing inside the main diamond?"
"It's a piece of the sun."
She turned around and stared at me with awe-struck eyes.
"How did you get this?"
"I went to the sun and took it. Had to drill really deep to get to the good stuff."
"You made this whole thing?"
"Yeah. Although I did get Shen to chisel the diamonds into shape. It turns out that he does that as a second job. Or third job if you count 'being a ninja' as a job."
"So you made the rest of it? When did you find the time?"
"You remember when we went to sleep at one o'clock earlier? I woke up at five and made this."
"How long did that take?"
"Let's put it this way, when you woke up and then shook me I just pretended to wake up. I didn't actually get any sleep."
"Oh you shouldn't do that to yourself.
"I'd rather give you a nice gift than get a little bit of sleep. I could spend most of my life sleeping if I wanted to."
"I wouldn't let that happen."
"Oh yeah. You barely let me get any sleep."
"I'm just going to say it's your own fault and this conversation is over."
"We can continue it in detention."
"I can't think of anything worse than having you as my teacher. You probably won't even let me get away with cheating."
"I won't let you cheat but I will happily help you in a few limited ways."
"What do you consider 'limited'?"
"Well, say you were to come to me with a question about chemistry I would point you to 'The big book of chemistry and other stuff' in my bookcase."
"I see now why you never had a girlfriend in school. I'm probably the only person in the universe that has the patience to put up with you for more than a week."
"That's one of the reasons… one of many."
I smiled then patted her on the head.
"Oh my god I will kick you in the balls next time you do that!"
"Stop being so dramatic. Come now, we have things to do!" I announced while walking to the door.
"What are we going to do?"
"We, my fair lady, are going to go buy stuff for the first lesson!"
I got to the door and opened it. Before stepping through I turned around and stared at Ahri.
"Why do you need my help for this?"
"Because…"
I pulled my pair of aviators out of my pocket and put them on.
"… I look amazing so I need someone else who looks amazing to walk around with."
"Why are you wearing sunglasses inside?"
"Because aviators are cool."
A short while later (14:00):
"What is all that?"
"Explosives."
"What use could we possibly have for explosives in a science lesson?"
"You'll see why soon enough."
"It's not going to be fun for the people in the class is it?"
"Of course not. It'll be fun for me though."
"Wonderful."
"It is, isn't it?"
"Ugh."
Ahri sped up a small amount which I struggled to match. It dawned on me that maybe I had bought too many explosives. Then I remembered that there was no such thing as too many explosives.
After a while of walking and occasionally picking up things which I dropped we reached home. Ahri opened the door and, much to my surprise, held it for me. I attempted to walk through a few times but found that the pile I was carrying was too tall for the door. My frustration boiled over so I just threw it all inside then walked in myself. Ahri jumped a bit when all the explosives hit the floor.
"Zoh is it really smart to just throw explosives around like that?"
"I think I would know if that stuff was going to blow up."
A small explosion came from the pile of stuff but thankfully wasn't followed by any larger ones.
"So I guess you saw that coming?"
"Maybe... shush."
"How about we have a bath before anything else explodes?"
"Hmm… getting blown up or having a bath with you… that's got to be the easiest choice of my life."
From behind me came the sound of Sam clearing his throat, presumably to get my attention. I turned around and saw him standing just outside holding a letter.
"Hello."
"Hey Sam. What's that?"
"Ahri's timetable."
"Do I have one of those?"
"Nope. You stay in the same room every lesson, every day. Also, why are you wearing sunglasses inside?"
"Because aviators are cool."
"Yeah…"
He reached into his pocket and pulled out some aviators, putting them on straight after before continuing.
"… They are."
"We look amazing."
"We do."
We both looked at Ahri who face-palmed. Sam stepped forward and passed her the letter.
"Couldn't you have just sent this here magically?" She asked while pulling her hand away from her face.
"Yeah but if I'm here giving this to you I won't have to do actual work."
"What do you actually do for work? I've never seen you take part in a match or anything."
"I used to do a lot of work with champions who were considered over-powered to try and balance them but I got re-assigned to just work with you two as well as Lissandra. I barely ever take part in matches because I am not associated with any of the major city states."
"Who's Lissandra?"
"Another champion."
"I've never heard of him or her. Is he or she new?"
"Not really. Although I think she is going to sit next to you in all your lessons Ahri."
"Oh so it's a she. How will I know her when I see her?"
"... I think you'll know her when you see her. I'd suggest you bring a jacket or something."
"Why?"
"Just bring one."
"Fine. Now get out of here. We're going to do stuff."
He looked at Ahri with an eyebrow raised for a few moments before I cut in:
"By that she meant 'get out of here please'."
"Thank you Zoh. Goodbye."
He closed the door and walked off. I made my way to the button, picking up Ahri and throwing her over my shoulder as I went. From the sounds of it she voided her lungs when her stomach hit my shoulder.
"Maybe some warning next time?"
"I'll consider it."
"You're not going to consider it, are you?"
I pressed the button and we appeared on the island.
"You know me too well."
I put Ahri down on her back and started taking off my clothes. When I was down to nothing but my boxers I pressed a button which made a sun-lounger appear, which I laid down on. I closed my eyes but could feel Ahri staring at me.
"There's so much wrong with what you just did that I can't even start to explain it all."
I pulled a piece of paper from under the sun-lounger along with a pencil. Without opening my eyes I held them out to the side for Ahri to take. She did after a few seconds and I guessed that she was reading it.
"This is so vague and oddly worded that I have no idea what it even means."
"Just sign it."
"Fine. Whatever."
She handed the pencil and paper back so I just threw them back under the sun-lounger. I picked up a button from the other side of the lounger and pressed it. A noise rung out so I took a peek at Ahri to confirm that all of her clothes had indeed disappeared.
"While I will admit this is convenient I would prefer you did it."
The button in my hand exploded leaving a searing pain in my hand.
"Ouch."
Ahri pulled me up by my arm and dragged me over to the hot spring. I thanked my luck that I was in a position where I could stare at Ahri to get my mind off the pain in my hand. She sat me down by the water and put my hand in it. I stared at her concerned face and smiled.
"You really should be more careful Zoh."
I moved the hand that wasn't submerged up to her cheek. She looked from my other hand to me and noticed my expression.
"Are you even bothered that you just burned your hand?"
"Take a guess how many times I have had this happen, then ask that question again."
I made sure that my words carried none of the usual sarcasm and I tried my best to not make it sound mean. It worked as I hoped and she let go of my hand soon after. She leaned forward until her face was very close to mine.
"I guess we won't be needing that paper anymore…"
"It appears not."
Ahri planted her lips against mine slowly. She pushed me onto my back gently and laid on top of me. I knew where it was going so I pushed her up by her shoulders.
"How about we do what we came in here to do first?"
"We're just going to get dirty again afterwards so it doesn't really matter."
"You might not believe this but I do enjoy just spending time with you."
"I enjoy time with you as well. Although not quite as much when you hold me this far away."
I moved her back down onto me and met her eager lips with my own. From the palm tree I heard someone cough to get my attention so I opened my eyes and looked in the direction the noise came from, expecting to see Sam or Shen. To my dismay I saw that it was my mother and little sister standing by the tree. Ahri noticed as well and frantically attempted to cover herself up with her tails while breaking away from me.
"Hi… how's it going?"
"Just fine Zoh. Although I must ask, where did you two go for lunch?"
"Just the normal place. Why?"
"Ugh… damn it Zoh. If you really insist upon having sex with one of your students at least do her the decency of going somewhere nice for lunch."
"When did you hear about my new job?"
"I and Megan decided to visit you so we made our way here. As soon as we walked through the door we bumped into a delightful young lady, Akali I think. We got talking and Megan here jumped straight to the conclusion that you knew Akali so she asked her about you. Now I know everything."
"Ah… well… I probably have some explaining to do."
"Indeed. My suggestion is that you start with telling me why there is so much explosive material in the other room."
"Uh… yeah about that… I was just… uh… building something."
"What would that be?"
"You know… just… normal stuff…"
"What is 'normal stuff'?"
"Uh…"
"Tell me the truth or you're grounded."
"You can't ground me."
"Five."
"Oh don't do that."
"Four."
"This isn't going to be fun."
"Three."
"Please stop counting."
"Two."
"God damn it."
"One. Don't let me get to zero."
"Okay, okay! I was going to do an experiment with the class."
"Did it ever occur to you that doing an experiment with explosives was a bad idea considering that most of the class will have intelligence levels equivalent to brain-dead donkeys?"
"I was hoping that the smarter ones would help the dumber ones. Everyone here is invulnerable anyway so it's fine."
"No Zoh. It's not fine. The people may be invulnerable but I highly doubt the same can be said for the building."
"Maybe it wasn't a great idea…"
"It was not. Now you can explain to me why you haven't taken a few minutes out of your day to come by and… I don't know… tell me that you managed to get back here?"
"I wanted to but I just kept putting it off. As you can see I'm a bit… pre-occupied."
"That takes me onto my next question nicely. What is going in with this relationship of yours? Am I going to get some grandchildren or what?"
Ahri looked at me with an eyebrow raised. She leaned in so that her mouth was close to my ear and whispered:
"Why is she acting like this?"
"It's some sort of mid-life crisis I think. From the look on Megan's face she's been like this for a while. Just roll with it."
"Okay but I'm just going to continue to distance myself from this whole thing as much as I can."
Ahri rolled off me and into the water, which I took as a chance to get up.
"It's not really that simple mom. We can't have children right now for more reasons than I care to name."
"Name three."
"There is a magical block to it here, we have no idea what it would turn out like and we are both only twenty years old."
"Look, I don't want to eighty-something when that little fucker pops out of her so you two get busy before I die of old age. I'm going to go have a chat with that big eyeball prick about him zapping a hole in my neighbour's house."
She walked over to the button and the last thing I saw before they both disappeared was the look of despair on Megan's face. When they were gone I turned around and stared at Ahri who was floating on her back in the middle of the water.
"You better not have been doing that while they were still here."
"Nah, I was just doing laps. The worst they would have seen was my arse, and I don't think they would have even noticed that around my tails."
I pulled off my boxers and walked into the water. She swam over to me and rested her head on my shoulder.
"I hope I never end up like that."
"If you do I reserve the right to go on vacation alone until you get over it."
"Supportive as ever. If you weren't so good with words I would think you're just in this for my body."
"Don't forget that I avoided having sex with you for ages after we met."
"That may be so but you clearly wanted to."
"I don't think there is a man on this planet who wouldn't want to."
"Shen."
"Good point but my point still stands that the majority of men would happily have sex with you if they were given a chance. I didn't want to feel what I did but there was nothing I could do about it. For me it was like fighting a dragon with a bucket. No matter how hard I tried I was eventually going to lose to those feelings. I'm just glad I realised what you mean to me before that happened."
"In a way I'm happy you took a while. It made me feel better when we eventually did it."
"Yeah but your first time with 'me' was a clone."
"Oh yeah… what's worse is that it was not just my first time with you. It was my first time in general."
"Bullshit. What about all those guys on our way here."
"I didn't do any of those guys. My train of thought was that if you were my first I could get you to have sex with me at least twice in a day before I killed you. That plan is a bit redundant now."
"Why did you spend so long in those towns then? And how come I don't remember breaking your hymen?"
"I figured that it would take the authorities a good few minutes to realise who killed those people so I spent some time in those towns. A few of them were actually quite nice. One of them had a really weird festival that basically consisted of all the men putting on scuba diving gear and making a human pyramid."
"So what about my other question?"
"To be honest I have no idea what happened with that. I never had one."
"So why did you act like you knew everything about sex for ages?"
"I just did that so I could do what I wanted during."
"Oh… why are you telling me this now?"
"Because at this point I can do what I want anyway."
"True."
Ahri rested her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my stomach. I stroked her hair, causing her to purr quietly. Every once in a while one of her fox ears would twitch and tickle my neck, but not often enough to irritate me.
A while later she moved her head a bit and broke the silence:
"How come you don't seem too bothered by Dis? Doesn't he disprove some of your theories?"
"Actually he does the opposite. He proves my theory of universal repetition."
"What's that?"
"I explained this to you already."
"Yeah but you used lots of technical language so I understood barely any of it."
"Hmm… how to put this simply… the idea is that when the universe runs out of usable energy it collapses in on itself. When it does that some stuff happens that even I don't understand but from the remnants of the old universe a new one is created. It's a bit like a phoenix really. When it dies a new one rises from the ashes. Do you understand?"
"Yep. Although I do also wonder why you didn't ask him way more question than you did."
"Actually I did ask him a ton of questions. At one point he stopped time for everyone but me and him so that I could ask all I wanted without wasting your time."
"I would have been interested by that stuff."
"No you wouldn't. He said so."
"You would think that having what is essentially a god for a friend would be a good thing. It's not."
"I think it's rather entertaining really. It's also quite nice to know I have someone who is covering my back."
As if on cue Dis appeared at the opposite end of the water wearing just some shorts and his hood. I felt a brief moment of pride when I noticed that my muscles were bigger than his, if only slightly.
"Hey Zoh and Ahri. Guess who I just had a chat with."
"All things considered, you could have just talked to anyone who has ever existed."
"Just take a guess."
"Rengar?"
"Nope. Your mother."
"How did that go?"
"Well what I will say is that she is a lot hotter up close."
"Dude! That's my mum you're talking about!"
"To make this interesting I'm not going to read your mind for a while. Why are you annoyed by this?"
"Because that's my mother! She's like, fifty or something!"
"And I'm googolplex. It's not like we're under the age of consent."
"I don't want you banging my mother no matter how old you are!"
"It doesn't matter what you want. It's what she wants. Don't think that I'm just in this for the laughs or something. I genuinely like her. This is the first time I've actually liked someone in a very long time."
"This just doesn't sit right with me."
"To show you I'm serious I am going to go show her my actual face. That will be the first time anyone has seen it since the last council meeting which was a few billion years ago if I remember correctly. And before you say another word know that I'm not going to pretend that this is anything more than it is. As far as I'm concerned this is just going to two middle age people having some fun. A lot like what Ahri wanted for you two for a while."
"I wouldn't exactly call you 'middle-aged'."
"For my species I am."
"You know what? Do whatever the hell you want. I don't care anymore. Just try to be careful."
"I might be."
He clicked his fingers and was replaced by Shen.
"How did I get here?"
"Dis did something."
"Oh. Why?"
I shrugged just before Shen sat down at the edge of the water with his feet just underneath the surface. To both my and Ahri's surprise he stared down at the water and pulled off his mask.
"You know how people say that if you do a job you love, you will never work a day in your life? Sometimes I doubt that."
"What's up Shen?"
"It's just… I had to bring in Vel'Koz today. I hate the idea of it getting to live after everything it's done since it got here. The death toll from that thing alone is at nearly a hundred, yet it gets to live. This is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night."
I didn't really know what to say to Shen so I nudged Ahri in hopes that she could think of something, which she did.
"I can't pretend to know what you're going through Shen so my only advice would be to think of it this way: intentionally or not, Vel'Koz will be saving lives now. Every match it takes part in will prevent something bad from happening. And if you're having trouble sleeping try sleeping with Akali. Not sex. Just sharing a bed."
Shen dwelled on it a bit then looked up at us with a look of contemplation.
"I hope it does enough good to bring back the balance. And who knows, maybe sharing a bed with Akali will help. She's always been there to support me when I need it. I think I will also go kick Teemo out of a window, punch Ezreal in the face and throw something sharp at Mundo. Thanks Ahri."
"No problem."
He put his mask back on and teleported away. I looked at Ahri who smiled while pulling me into a kiss with the help of one of her tails. Unfortunately I heard the sound of people teleporting in before I could really start to enjoy myself.
To my dismay, when I broke up the kiss I saw that it was Yasuo and Lux. Things were clearly not going well as there was a lot of shouting and pushing but they both stopped immediately when they saw us. A few seconds of awkward silence later Lux spoke up:
"Why are you two naked?"
"We're having a bath." Ahri replied in a surprisingly friendly manner.
"Ah yes. Having a bath. Something that Yasuo here always 'forgets' to do. Although I'm beginning to think he does this just to spite me."
"How much time do you spend together?"
"Way too much! We are now living together in the same room because of you two!" Yasuo complained.
"How is it our fault?" I queried.
"Apparently after how 'successful' putting you together was the summoners decided that it would be smart to put everyone with disagreements together. I think Kassadin and Malzahar are living together right now as well." Lux added.
"…I don't think the way we resolved our differences will work for most people…" Ahri mumbled, clearly thinking back to all the other times we were there.
"Trust me we are not going to be doing anything like what you two have done." Lux assured.
"You never-" I began before being cut off by Yasuo:
"Don't even start Zoh. You tried to kill Ahri once. I've been trying to kill or seriously injure Lux for a few days now."
"Yeah that's getting quite annoying really. Good thing is he's quite bad at it so I'm fine." Lux teased, receiving a shove from Yasuo.
"So, not trying to be rude or anything but, why are you two in here? As you can probably tell we are in the middle of something." Ahri questioned, her patience nearing its end.
"We were just having a minor argument about who has to pay for the replacement if something gets broken. According to Lux we should take turns paying for stuff but that doesn't seem like a great idea. Actually it's a fucking stupid idea but oh well."
Me and Ahri both stared between the two for a few seconds before simultaneously sighing. I chose to point out the obvious:
"How about the person who breaks it pays for it?"
"What if we both break it?"
"Then you each pay half." Ahri answered.
There was a moment of silent consideration from Lux and Yasuo before they both face-palmed.
"This is the stuff that Shen is supposed to do, not us." Lux muttered.
"Indeed. Is there anything else you need to ask us?"
"Yeah. Is it pronounced 'scone' or 'scon'?" Yasuo asked.
"I say scone."
"I disagree with Zoh on this although you can say it either way if you want. It's probably the most first world of all the first world problems."
"I pronounce it as 'scon' as well. Maybe it's a gender thing." Lux joked.
"Maybe."
A moment later Yasuo drew his sword and swung it at Lux's stomach only to have it be blocked by her sceptre.
"Damn."
"Like I said, he's not very good at this."
"Sorry if I'm not great at killing people outside of duels. It's not something we learn at school."
"You two can take this outside thank you very much." I asserted. After some grumbling they both walked turned back to the button and pressed it, Yasuo managing to kick Lux on the arse just before they disappeared.
"We should probably try to solve the issues between those two." Ahri suggested as we turned away from the palm tree.
"Or we could not. We have already helped Shen and Akali as well as Nocturne and Morgana. How much else do we have to do? Sometimes people just have to fix things on their own. Next thing you know you'll be trying to set Rengar up with someone."
"Now that would be a challenge. He's a bit of an anti-social you-know-what. Also what species is he? He's a bit like a lion but also has a few human traits."
"I don't know and, to be honest, I don't care. He clearly prefers being alone anyway."
"Yeah that's true."
I looked at Ahri and leaned towards her. Just before our lips met I heard the sound of splashing water and Nocturne's shouting encouragement.
"I am being cock-blocked so hard." I grumbled before turning my attention to the source of the splashing water. When I turned I was met by the sight of Morgana swimming along the shore of the island with Nocturne on the beach. For some reason Nocturne was out of his usual black armour and instead was wearing a white t-shirt with blue shorts. He had a white head-band and a stopwatch in his hand.
"I'd say here is a decent place to stop. I'll stop the clock and we can have a few minutes break." Nocturne declared while pressing the button on the stopwatch. Morgana pulled herself onto the shore as Nocturne hovered over to the edge of the hot spring. He clipped the stopwatch to his shorts and waved at us.
"Hi."
"Hi Nocturne and Morgana. What are you doing here?" I asked as Morgana joined nocturne at the edge of the water.
"I'm swimming around the world to raise money for charity and Nocturne is timing it for the world records book."
"You're raising money for charity?"
"Yeah. Just because I sometimes enjoy making other people suffer doesn't mean I can't do nice things. Also this is one of the things I've always wanted to do."
"Well I must say I am quite proud of you. And the fact that you got Nocturne involved as well deserves praise."
"Thanks. By the way if you're wondering why Nocturne is dressed like that I can't tell you. It seems to be a phase he's going through right now."
"It's called looking fabulous." He stated quite matter-of-factly.
"Enough about us how are you two doing? I see you're still getting along just fine."
"You could say that. He's still more annoying than I would like but apart from that everything is good."
"So are you actually going to accept the teaching job Zoh?" Nocturne inquired.
"Yeah. It might be fun."
"Is it fair to assume that means you're going to be rather insufferable for a while?"
"He's already becoming insufferable." Ahri replied before I could.
"We should get out of here before he gets a chance to prove that." Morgana suggested as she nudged Nocturne on the arm.
"Good idea."
Morgana went back to the shore and dived into the water. She began swimming in the same direction as before while Nocturne hovered along behind her. They got a few metres away before Nocturne turned around and shouted back to us:
"Rengar leave them alone."
"It's not them I'm here for." Rengar replied while becoming visible next to the waterfall.
"Why are you here and how long have you been here?" I asked, attempting to not show my annoyance.
"I got here a few seconds ago and that is the reason I'm here." He responded while pointing at massive shark which had just flew out of the water with a seal in its jaws. Before I could tell him how stupid of an idea attacking it would be he was jumping through the air towards it. He landed on it with a thud just as the shark dropped back into the water, blood gushing out of it as Rengar's various weapons stabbed into the huge beast. Rengar let out a hearty laugh just before he was taken underwater by the shark.
Me and Ahri looked on for a few seconds, neither of us saying a word. When it finally appeared that we were alone I turned my gaze to Ahri who stared straight back. I sighed and spoke up:
"We have the best friends."
"We do. Although I still consider you my best friend."
"I didn't realise you ever actually considered me just a friend."
"I do. And I have a very good reason that I won't tell you."
"To be honest I don't want to know why if you aren't just going to tell me."
"Good."
Before I could reply Ahri was sitting on me, her face so close I could smell nothing but the perfume she was wearing.
"Doing this already are we?"
"We're not doing anything yet. You are the only one who can change that right now. I'm happy with sitting here on your oddly comfortable lap."
"And I'm okay with staying like this as well."
"However…"
"…However I will admit there are things I would rather be doing right now."
"You better get to work then."
"Yes ma'am."
Many, many hours later (10:00):
Once again I found myself thinking about how much of an utterly mediocre day it was shaping up to be. The clouds spotted the sky just enough to block out the sun every minute or so, the wind was blowing constantly but not harshly enough to be fun and it was not warm enough to enjoy yet not cold enough to be uncomfortable. I would have preferred that it be horrid as then I could say that it was interesting, yet instead I was left with a day which left me feeling uninspired and bored. It appeared that Ahri was feeling the same way as she was completely failing to concentrate on anything, deciding to stroll around the room while I played table tennis against Shen.
When the score evened for the seventeenth time so far I signalled for a break so we both put the table tennis paddles down and stepped away from the table. The moment we did so Ahri walked by so I put my arm out and pulled her in. She barely noticed and just continued playing with one of her tails. A second later she froze still then put down the tail and hugged me. When I looked over to Shen he was smelling a glass of beer. To my surprise he removed his mask and took a sip before quickly putting his mask back on.
"Whoa… I think there's something wrong with this water."
"That's because it's beer not water."
"When you gave it to me you said it was water."
"Yeah. That glass right next to it is water. You just drank the beer we put out for Bob."
"I remember that guy. Not very talkative as I remember it. Where is he?"
A moment later Bob flew through the window and rolled along the table. He was stopped by the net, immediately catching the attention of myself and Shen. For reasons I decided not to think about he had a moustache.
"There."
"Greetings Bob."
When Bob did not reply Shen clenched his fists in anger.
"I hate that guy."
"That guy is a Poro."
"I don't care he still should show as much respect to others as everyone else. A simple hello would be enough."
Once again, to no-one but Shen's surprise, Bob said nothing. Instead he just rolled onto his back, revealing the heart-shape on his stomach.
"Speak!" Shen shouted at the un-flinching Poro.
"I don't think he speaks English."
"Hola ¿podría hablar conmigo un momento?"
"I don't think he speaks any language."
"If it's easier I can do sign language."
"Look I know this will be hard to understand but… most species in the universe are not intelligent enough to communicate with us in any way. Even I have not been able to work out how to talk to them. Most of them anyway."
"What about things like Rengar, Twitch, Fizz, etc.?"
"They are the tens, not the elevens."
"What does that mean?"
"Oh sorry that's a term from my planet. It means they are the minority."
"Where did a saying like that come from?"
"Fifty or so years ago on my planet we had nearly a full year where there were almost no ten year olds on the entire planet, yet we had way more eleven year olds than usual. No-one knows why, it's just become a saying."
"Interesting. Shall we kick this moustache twirling villain off and continue?"
"Hold on I got to see what's up with Ahri. Would you give us a minute?"
"Okay."
Shen walked to the window and took my parachute from the floor next to it. He put it on jumped out.
"That's my only parachute…"
Finally I turned my attention to the woman clinging to my softly. It took me a moment to realise that she was sleeping.
"Ahri."
"Wake up."
She didn't react at all so I went back to the tried and true method of flicking her on one of her fox ears. As expected she flinched massively and her eyes shot open while one hand went up to cover her ear.
"Ouch… douche…"
"What's up with you today?"
"What do you mean?"
"Something is wrong, that much is clear. Just tell me what it is."
"I'd love to but I have no idea myself. It's like I've lost something and I don't know what it is."
"Well… have you lost anything?"
"No. I don't exactly have any cool stuff do I? Except this thing." She mumbled while pointing at the necklace I gave her.
"Oh yeah. We should get you stuff later."
"Kay. What shall we do for now?"
"Uh… just wait for Shen I guess. It would be rude to just leave when he's going to be back in a few minutes. We could go get ice cream or something."
"Yeah let's do that."
We walked off to the kitchen and pressed the button. After getting ice cream we went back to Ahri's room and sat down on the bed.
"… When did we get ice cream cones?"
Ahri stopped eating and looked straight forward with a confused look.
"I don't know. I just assumed you bought them."
"Nope."
Shen climbed in through the window, covered in blood and holding a sword. He was also holding a bucket which was full of blood and also holding a considerable amount of blood inside. He put it down by the window and peeled off his clothing and mask, revealing another layer of similar clothing and mask but not covered in blood. The other main difference was that instead of the usual blue it was bright pink.
"Well Shen… there are quite a few things I feel the need to ask you now."
"I don't care what you say, pink is a manly colour."
"Okay. And the blood?"
"I went and killed a dragon with a bucket. Just to see if I could."
"Right… do anything else in the time it took us to get ice cream?"
"I embarked upon an epic journey to save the lives of hundreds, if not thousands of people. Along the way I met a variety of people, all of whom had strange but believable personalities. By the end of it we were all better people for the experience and any onlookers would be able to see the deeper meaning of it. That was the kind of stuff people should write tales of, instead of random bullshit like two people going on a road-trip from one place to another and having a stupid plot-twist at the end."
"Yeah who would write something stupid like that?"
We all sat there for a few moments until Ahri broke the silence:
"Do you know who bought this ice cream?"
"Malzahar and Lissandra got it for you."
"Why?"
"Don't know. They're just nice people."
"We should go thank them at some point."
"Yeah, we should." Zoh agreed.
"There's one thing I should probably tell you." Shen added.
"What?"
"Malzahar doesn't feel temperature and Lissandra is from the Freljord and they both tend to hang out in Lissandra's room so don't go thank them in a bikini or something."
Ahri looked at me and nudged my arm:
"Aw too bad, you can't wear a bikini."
Guess which characters are going to be introduced next chapter…
Anyway this chapter is way late because exams are difficult and important. To be honest, I don't care because I have felt really good with these exams so far.
I actually have a few things to say so…
Beginning of notes!
1: For any of you who want a series about Shen, no. You can only have so much Shen.
2: For any of you wondering what I will do after this series is done, I don't know. It will almost definitely be in the same universe (unless I destroy the universe at the end of the series… spoilers… maybe) but to be honest I have no clue what the hell I'm going to do. There are a ton of characters in League and many of them are interesting.
3: By the time the next chapter is out I will probably be done with exams so chapter 28 will hopefully be the start of regular content once again! Maybe.
4: I'm not going to make any school-drama bullshit. It's just a way for me to introduce some characters. It'll probably last for a few chapters then end abruptly.
5: I hate History so much right now. Not history history, the lesson History. It used to be fun but no longer.
End of notes and end of chapter.
I hope you all had a wonderful time. If you didn't… I don't know go eat an apple or something.
Bye.
