I was going to put a random joke here but… nope.

No-one would have got it anyway. Nerds… I've been watching too much Wowcrendor…

Anyways so I should probably say something to break the ice… hmm.

PUN OF THE SPECTACULAR CHAPTER: Gragas is so fat when he buys a Sunfire Cape it becomes a global.

That one was mean but I love it as much as all the other puns (of damage) I have thought up. Who gives a shit anyway he's a fictional character.

So that's all. Right? I don't want to go back and look at previous chapters.

Tell you what I'll just put my top three most used phrases here:

3 – "I'll do it later"

2 – "I'd rather not."

3 – "Good enough!"

In case you couldn't tell, I'm lazy.

On with the chapter.

Just kidding.

Actually I wasn't.

Chapter 29: Shen-vision

Shen POV

Already I was finding that this method of entertainment was highly time-consuming and, on occasion, incessantly irritating. To its merit the periods of annoying were spaced out by long spans of time where I would dominate all opponents. At that point I was playing against Rengar and finding it a mostly pleasant experience. Unlike most I had fought in the game of table tennis his skills were almost equal to my own, a surprise considering his brash and un-refined nature. Neither of us had any real worries or concerns of proceeding further in the tournament at that point as we had both accumulated easily enough points to move through into the next match, as had Lux and Sam.

I expected previously to find Zoh in the finals but to my dismay he had damaged one of the paddles to the point of uselessness and was thusly disqualified. Looking on the bright side at least that would mean the overall skill level of the other finalists would be lower, increasing my own chances of victory. It also freed him up to make drinks for all the occupants of the airship.

Moments later and the game was over. Once I had finished thinking over my current situation I won the match so that I could get a drink. Walking down the stairs to the bar I took a seat on a stool and knocked on the surface to get Zoh's attention. How a man with such intelligence had not yet realised he had a Poro on his shoulder perplexed me.

"What can I do for you Shen?"

"First would you be so kind as to answer me why you have a Poro on your shoulder."

"Don't you remember Bob?"

"It's that bastard?"

"Yeah."

If I were a lesser man I would have struck out at the ignorant twat who had seated himself upon Zoh's shoulder. However, I remembered the teachings of my old sensei and refused to stoop to the fluffy bastard's level. Instead I simply sneered at it and continued the conversation, keeping an eye on it in case it posed a danger.

"If you would make me a drink of some kind I would appreciate it."

"How specific of you."

"I'm not a picky person."

"Whatever you say."

Zoh put a glass on the surface and began pouring various coloured liquids into it.

"Shaken or stirred?"

"Both."

"Okay I guess you don't get that reference."

After he was done the final result was a dark blue liquid which looked like it would kill me faster than a flaming sword to the face. With that in mind I picked it up and took a sip. At least, that's what I thought I had taken until it dawned on me that I had actually drank the entire content of the glass.

"Hmm."

I blinked for a moment and found myself on the floor with Zoh and Akali looming over me.

"Shen are you okay?" Akali questioned.

"I feel adequate. What happened?"

"You drank a pint of various alcoholic liquids then passed out. What percentage was it Zoh?"

"Uh about twenty-something per cent."

"Really? You don't drink much, do you Shen?"

"That's not true at all. I drink plenty of water."

"No Shen, not that kind of drink. Alcoholic drinks."

"I had some when I was seven and a few days ago when I was with Zoh and Ahri."

"Ha! Scrub."

"You don't drink alcohol regularly, right?"

"Of course I do. Why do you think I sometimes come over to your room and do a lot of embarrassing things?"

"By 'embarrassing' I assume you mean being incapable of speech and regularly falling over, along with other things which I will not detail here in the presence of Zoh."

"Trust me I don't want to hear what you two get up to at night." Zoh assured.

"Come on Shen, get up." Akali ordered while holding her hand out for me to take, an action Zoh copied. Immediately after taking them I was yanked to my feet. For reasons unknown to me at the time I instantly got a headache upon standing unassisted.

"How long was I down there?"

"About five minutes. We had to punch you really hard to wake you up." Akali answered.

"Such things are unimportant. Akali, you should not drink alcohol. It will dull your senses."

"Don't worry a summoner helps me negate those effects. Unfortunately she is not kind enough to remove the headaches which you will be experiencing right now."

"So long as you keep balanced I will not meddle in your personal time. Unless you ask me to of course."

"If you can spend a night out with me without causing injury to random passers-by I would be happy to have you join me."

"I consider that a challenge."

"Good. Now if I remember correctly you're in the next match."

"Against?"

"Sam."

"Let us hope he poses more of a threat than those who have faced me before."

"Not likely. It'll be fun to watch though."

"Indeed-"

Just as I began speaking Ahri sprinted past holding a table tennis paddle covered in flames. She opened a window and threw it out recklessly. Zoh also caught onto her mistake:

"Ahri did you check what was below before you threw that?"

"No. Why?"

"What if there was a forest down there? Or someone's house?"

"So what if those things were down there?"

"Fire plus forest equals…"

"Forest fire... well… shit. It'll probably go out on the way down."

"Let's hope so."

Ahri skipped over to Zoh and wrapped her arms around him, obviously trying to gauge his reaction to that kind of physical contact. From what I could tell he quite enjoyed it although that could be attributed to her clothing at the time.

"Shen you better get up there. Sam's waiting."

I began walking and immediately felt Akali slap my arse with her hand. Trying to ignore it I kept walking and hoped that it was not going to become a habit. When I got to the table I picked up one of the last remaining un-destroyed paddles and got ready. From the moment he served I knew the match would be as one-sided as all the others before it. I turned around to talk to Yasuo while still playing the match:

"So how's it going with Lux?"

"She's copying me. I started trying to kill her a few days ago and the coincidentally she started doing the same thing yesterday."

"You realise neither of you can actually die right?"

"Pff, yeah… of course I do… but I mean we can still, you know… hurt each other and stuff… which is what I meant before…"

"You can only hurt each other small amounts. There are no more decapitations or significant injuries in the League."

"Wha- Why?"

"It became a thing after I stole Urgot's arm."

"Why did you do that?"

"At the time it appeared to be a good idea."

"When would that ever be a good idea?"

"I was going to use it to play some pranks on Zed but he caught me in the act."

"Did you guys fight?"

"No we both sat down for tea. He seemed rather pleasant for once."

"Wait, you had tea with Zed?"

"Yeah."

"That's kind of weird don't you think?"

"Why?"

"He killed your dad didn't he?"

"That was years ago. If I held a grudge that long I would never find true balance."

"So those stories about you guys still hating each other…"

"They're all nonsense. We have conflicting ideologies but that isn't enough to make us enemies."

"So why were you going to prank him?"

"I prank everyone except Zoh and Ahri. They don't get pranked because every time I go there to set stuff up they're having sex or are about to have sex."

"Yeah I noticed that appears to be their favourite activity. How neither I nor Lux has been pranked by you yet?"

"You haven't set any of them off? There are almost a hundred traps in your room."

"What? When did you find the time to do that?"

"If I told you then I would have to change when I put traps in your room. Then I would have to reschedule when I put traps in everyone else's rooms and it would all be unnecessary hassle."

"Actually this could help me. All I have to do is make Lux go to all the places we don't normally go and maybe she will set a bunch of traps off."

"How do you plan on moving her around?"

"I'm going to push her of course."

"I feel like I should give you guys some counselling before something important gets destroyed."

"Well I was going to burn her house down but Garen would kick my arse."

"True. It appears I have won so I'm going to go get something to eat."

I put the paddle down behind me and walked to the side of the table to shake hands with Sam.

"You could have at least pretended to find that difficult." He joked. Clearly he knew what was going to happen before the match began.

"Perhaps next time, with some practice, you may stand a chance."

"I won't get my hopes up."

I went down the stairs and through to the buffet room. My focus was immediately taken by Lissandra and Malzahar laughing with Rengar at nothing I could see. When I went to question them about it I was forced to wait for some time until Malzahar regained his composure enough to speak.

"Lux tripped and fell face first onto the ground then… hehe she got angry that we laughed and shouted at us but her voice cracked and she sounded like a fucking five year old."

"Is that supposed to be comedic?"

"It's funny if you see it."

"If this happens again you're all going out of the closest window."

They all stopped laughing and shuffled out of the room.

Once they were all gone I picked up a plate and went around the tables, taking anything which looked vaguely edible. As I was about to return to the front room Zoh hurried through and put his arm around my shoulders, turning me around to look away from the passage to the front room.

"Shen I need you to help me with something."

"What is it?"

"I may have found a way to travel through time but I need you to help me with it?"

"What can I do that you can't?"

"You can teleport. I have monitored the last few times you teleported and I think you can teleport back here if I send you forward in time slightly."

"You 'think'?"

"The worst thing that can happen is you get stuck in the future. I'm only sending you forward a few minutes."

"What if I meet myself?"

"You won't. You'll still be the only you because you switch timeline meaning the other you inhabiting that timeline is replaced with you from now."

"Okay. When are we going to do this?"

"Follow me."

He led me through the door in the wall into a room with no windows and dark red lighting. The room was completely bare, with the exception of what looked like a cannon in the middle. Upon closer inspection the floor had ridges in it which I assumed allowed sections of the floor to move.

Zoh handed me a parachute and motioned to put it on. As I did so he explained the plan:

"So basically all you have to do is get in the barrel of the cannon and teleport back here as soon as you see that you're in the future. Or the past. Or wherever, I don't really know. Don't mess with anything if possible. If you mess up the timeline it probably won't go well for anyone involved."

"You are failing to give me hope in the success of this mission."

"You don't need hope. You just need to get fired out of that cannon."

"Very well."

I got into the barrel of the cannon and made sure the parachute was on properly. The reason for the parachute became clear when the floor below me was lowered down at an angle so it became a ramp. I watched the ground we were flying over and hoped that I would not be hitting it any time soon.

"How is this supposed to work Zoh?"

"Portals and stuff. I'll explain later."

"Okay."

"Alright then. Three. Two. One…"

I prepared to be fired but the cannon never went off.

"Zoh is everything alright?"

The platform rose again so I pushed myself far enough up the cannon barrel to look back to see what happened. From what I could tell the problem was that Ahri and Akali were standing at the door looking relatively displeased. Zoh backed away from them so that he could whisper to me without them hearing:

"Can you think of a good reason for us doing this?"

"… We aren't supposed to be doing this are we?"

"I made a promise not to do anything which might ruin today… you getting stuck in the future might ruin today."

"Well, I've got nothing. You're going to have to think of something. Also, can't Ahri hear us?"

"… Yeah I think so."

I glanced over to her to find that she was nodding.

"Yeah I can. So what are you two doing?"

"It's not what it looks like." Zoh responded while putting on his best fake smile.

"Really? Because it looks like you're doing something stupid and dangerous."

"Okay then it's exactly what it looks like. But don't worry, we aren't just firing Shen out of a cannon."

"What ARE you doing then?"

"We're firing Shen out of a cannon which will then send him forward in time."

"…"

"That sounded better in my head."

"I bet it did. Shen get out of the cannon."

I did so slowly, keeping my eyes locked on Akali the entire time. She had yet to say a word, meaning I was not going to have a great time once we were alone. From the look of it Zoh was going to be having as little fun as myself.

"Why are you wearing a parachute Shen?" Akali asked.

I was about to answer when she let out a momentary hiccup which I used as a chance to throw the parachute into the cannon.

"What parachute?"

For a brief second I thought the trick had worked but unfortunately Ahri had been focusing on me instead of Zoh at that point.

"Akali asked you a question Shen."

"To put it simply we were going to fire me downwards towards the ground instead of into that wall. You see those ridges on the ground? They move to open up the floor."

"Why are you even firing yourself out of a cannon?" Akali questioned.

"It wasn't his idea. Basically it's just a cool way of time travel." Zoh replied.

"Time travel?"

"Yeah."

"Why would you want to time travel? Right now isn't good enough for you?"

"I'm just trying to invent it for Dis."

"Why?"

"Because he asked?"

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe it would be a good idea to ask why someone wants time travel before you invent it for them."

"That's a point actually. Okay I guess we can all leave and pretend none of this ever happened."

They both shook their heads in disagreement. In response Zoh turned his head to look at me.

"Put on your aviators."

We both put them on at the same time just before Zoh threw a smoke bomb at the ground near Akali and Ahri. He ran to the other side of the wall to where the door was and I followed. He pushed it revealing another door which was previously impossible to see. I followed his lead and just as I left the room he slammed the door closed.

"Do you know how to play hide and seek?"

"Yeah."

"This is going to be a much better version of that. In a few seconds they will realise what has happened and start looking. You better find a good place to hide."

"Sounds fun."

Zoh jogged away while I opened a nearby window. I jumped out of it and grabbed hold of the side or the gondola. I reached up and closed it behind me, making sure to always have a hand on something. After a moment I found a small opening in the hull of the gondola which was just big enough for me to sit in, leaving my legs to flail weakly in the wind. I wasn't being smug but I did feel that it would take them long enough to find me that I had time to enjoy the view.

From what I could tell we were flying over somewhere near the Crystal Scar. The ground was covered by thick forest with roads cutting through it, appearing like a giant spider's web. At the centre was probably Kalamanda, though I could not see it as the town was far enough in the distance that the trees concealed its location. A few small hills dotted the landscape but none were tall enough to make a significant difference to the landscape.

One thing which drew my attention as we flew was a small pillar of smoke flowing out of the forest. It was far too small to be a forest fire, meaning it was most likely a wanderer or a group.

"What a joy it must go on a journey of one's own."

The thought of going on an adventure with no true objective all by myself was one my mind dwindled on for some time. By the end of it I had decided that a lone adventure was not my path. I had responsibilities which I could not leave.

Still, I could not push the thought out of my mind. After deciding it was a phase my mind was going through at the time the best course of action was to distract myself with activity.

I looked up to the window and just about managed to open it with the help of one of my swords. When I pulled myself back into the airship my path was immediately blocked by Akali.

"Hi Shen. Why did you climb through that window?"

"I was playing hide and seek."

"Why?"

"You were mad earlier so I and Zoh hid to avoid confrontation."

"I can't stay mad at you so no worries. Just please don't do stuff like that for today. All you have to do is make it to tonight. Then I'll give you a reward which I know you'll enjoy."

"I believe I understand what you are hinting at."

She smiled then hugged me. I was caught off guard for a moment but assumed that the best thing to do would be to hug back, which I did. Eventually she let go of me so I took the opportunity to hold up the present I had got for her.

"What's this?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No it isn't actually. Probably because whatever it is, it's in a box."

"Touché. Please open it."

She did as asked but a strange look spread over her face. I looked down into the box and realised I had definitely picked up the wrong box when I left my room earlier. Instead of the gift I had planned to give her the inside of the box was a portal of some kind to a place that I did not recognise.

"I think I may have picked up one of Zoh's inventions and not your present…"

"Looks that way doesn't it? Shall we explore inside?"

"I would say no but you would find a way to get me to go with you anyway so we might as well."

I put the box on the ground then stepped back so Akali could jump in. Just before following suit I looked around to make sure no-one was going to follow me.

Ahri POV

When I first found Zoh I was very angry but in a few short minutes he had managed to make me forget all that. Instead, I was starting to feel slightly aroused. Everyone else had gone downstairs for some reason but I was not even slightly concerned at that point as Zoh was going out of his way to do everything to me to keep my attention completely on him.

A few moments later he removed his hand from behind my ear and stopped kissing my neck. He was about to take his other hand away from my underwear but I held it there.

"Ahri we can't do this in public. Eventually someone will see."

"You started it."

"And now I'm ending it. We should probably go see what everyone is looking at anyway."

"Fine. But we're continuing this later!"

"I'm counting on it. Let's go."

I freed his hand then we both walked downstairs, then into the other room. Everyone was crowded around something in the middle of the room. Zoh pushed through the crowd then a few seconds later walked back to me and face-palmed.

"What is it?"

"They're in the FPS simulator I made."

"Remember who you're talking to."

"Oh yeah. Basically Shen and Akali are in a simulator which puts them in the place of soldiers with guns who have to shoot other guys with guns. I don't really know what the appeal is."

"What happens if they get shot?"

"They re-spawn. My guess is they are getting bored of fighting just each other by this point."

"What are we going to do about it?"

"Get everyone else to go in as well."

"Who's going to fly the ship?"

"It's been sitting stationary over Ionia for a minute or so. It's not going to crash into anything."

"But what if-"

"Okay everyone can you all form an orderly line to the box, we're all going to join Shen and Akali."

"I guess we're just going to do this anyway. My concerns be damned." I mumbled while Zoh organised everyone into a line.

One by one they jumped into the box until just Zoh and I remained. He turned to me then saluted while jumping into the box.

"Ugh." I groaned before going in after him.

After a moment of darkness all I could see was a loading bar. When the bar was full I appeared on a massive ship in the middle of a violent storm. The ship was made of metal and had containers scattered across the deck. Suddenly the sounds of thunder and rain were joined by the distinctive cracks of gun-shots.

Just as I got my bearings I realised that my environment was not the only thing that had changed. My vision was partially blocked by a small map in the top-right corner of my sight and a box in the bottom left which held some seemingly random numbers, the purpose of which was revealed when a gun of some sort appeared in my hands.

Out of no-where Shen appeared next to me.

"Ahri what the hell are you doing? There's a fire-fight going on over there and you're the only one with an RPG!"

He ran off before I could ask anything so I followed. We got to the rest of our team who were ducking behind various crates and low walls to avoid the bullets coming from the enemies who were mere metres away. I followed suit and hit Shen relatively hard with my gun.

"Ahri don't hit me with your M416!"

"I thought you said it was an RPG?"

"No! That's the thing on your back."

I looked back to see a large tube thing with a grip and trigger stuck to my back.

"Oh. What does it do?"

"Just fire it at those guys then take cover!"

I put my other gun down and held the RPG up. When I pulled the trigger a rocket-looking thing fired out the end. It spiralled through the air for a second before Shen pulled me down behind cover and I heard an explosion.

A moment later a severed, still smoking hand landed on my shoulder.

"Gross."

I flicked it off then stood up to look at my handiwork.

"I am so good at blowing stuff up."

"Aren't I Shen?"

"… Shen?"

I looked around and realised everyone had already left me and another fire-fight was developing on the bridge of the ship.

"Wow. Rude."

I put the RPG on my back then picked up the other thing, having already forgotten its name. Before I could start on my way to join the team I realised I was in a decent position to take a few shots at some of the enemy team. When I did I was highly disappointed to find none of my shots seemed to explode anything. Fortunately one of the shots did manage to pop Yasuo's head like a watermelon, much to my personal enjoyment. After a short giggle I realised something must have been very wrong with me.

"That shouldn't have been fun."

He was going to re-spawn anyway so I just ignored it and climbed up a ladder on the side of the bridge of the ship. The moment I reached the top of the ladder I looked left along the catwalk to see Zoh pointing what I had learned was a sniper rifle at me. There was a bang then I appeared back on the other side of the ship. Unfortunately I had lost my RPG and other, less fun, gun.

Instead of those I had a sniper rifle similar to Zoh's and a samurai sword for god-knows what reason. Considering my equipment for a moment I decided to climb up some shipping crates until I was level with the bridge of the ship.

Mere seconds later I saw that another big fight was happening along the main catwalk of the bridge at the same time as a smaller started inside it. From what I could tell whoever won the outside would be able to influence the fight inside, so I took aim at Zoh. I shot just as he moved back to a different bit of cover. The shot whizzed just behind him and into the face of Malzahar. There was no time to celebrate as my shoulder was in incredible pain from the power of my gun.

Suddenly Sam appeared next to me. He got down on his stomach and put the bipod on his gun onto the surface of the shipping container. Immediately he began firing and didn't seem to be getting hurt at all from it.

"Doesn't that hurt?"

"What?"

"Firing with this gun."

"The bipod helps."

"Oh. Thanks."

"No problem."

"You seem much less serious about this than Shen."

"He is really competitive at this. In League matches he's normal but this game appears to bring out the worst in him."

"Brilliant… Can we swap him with someone from their team? I'd rather not deal with it."

"Nah. He's the captain so we can't. By the way if you want to help you better start shooting."

"Kay."

I did the same thing as Sam and started shooting. Most missed but occasionally one would hit and our team moved further along the catwalk. The constant re-spawns made the progress slow but it was clear out team was coming out on top. I tried to keep quiet to not distract Sam but eventually I had to ask a few burning questions:

"How do we win at this game?"

"First to a hundred kills I think."

"How do we find out how many we have?"

"See that number next to your ammo-count?"

"Oh, that's what those numbers are…"

"I think that's what it is. Could be anything really."

"We'll assume it is. Forty sounds about right for our team."

He fired another shot before replying:

"Forty-one. Rengar's an easy target."

"Good job. Also, why do we have swords?"

"Because sniper rifles can't be used up-close."

"Can't they?"

"Not really. It's not common anyway."

"Why?"

"They're really long and awkward to move and aim quickly, so someone with a smaller weapon can shoot earlier than someone with a sniper rifle."

"Let me guess, some people use them up close to try to look cool."

"Yeah a few people have been doing it. Akali did it once but just for a joke."

"I think there's a word for people who use sniper rifles like that."

"What is it?"

"Twats."

Later (18:00):

Finally everyone had their food so I could relax. I sat down on the stairs just as Zoh walked down them and sat next to me.

Unfortunately for him, I was still mad.

"Hey Ahri. Sorry again for going man-mode in the game earlier."

"Why would you even do that? It made the whole thing boring for everyone but you."

"I'm not a good loser. I saw we were behind and couldn't let it stay that way."

"Well it was stupid. Please don't do it in the next thing we do."

"I can't try-hard at dinner." He joked, though I wasn't in the mood to smile at it.

"You know what I mean."

"To be fair, I don't know what's next so it might not be something anyone loses at."

"Shut up Zoh."

"Sounds like a plan."

We sat there in silence for a moment before Zoh shuffled closer to me. He did it again a few times until he was close enough to nudge me on the arm with his elbow.

"Want a drink?"

"Yeah, why not? It's late enough I'd say."

"What do you want?"

"Guess."

"I'll do my best."

He went to the bar and made me some sort of margarita. I had never had a pink drink before but I wasn't averse to trying one. He sat back down next to me and handed the drink over.

"Ahri."

"Yeah?"

"You're eyes are blue."

I furrowed my brow and turned to look at him. He was sitting casually on the stairs and sipping some tea, not even bothering to look back at me.

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. Although I would suggest you go ask that guy." He replied before pointing at Sam.

I put my drink down and marched over to the summoner, my patient nearing its limit. He was talking to some people with his back turned to me so I grabbed his sleeve and yanked him out of the conversation.

"Explain this." I demanded while pointing at my eyes.

"I didn't think they would be doing that today… Oh well, do you want the official reason or the real reason?"

"Why don't you give me both? I need a good laugh right now."

"The official version is that a minor magical mistake caused your eyes to turn blue, which we wanted to study before turning them back. The real reason is you are more conventionally pretty like this."

"Conventionally pretty… what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh yeah I forgot to mention we volunteered you into a trailer sort of thing we are making."

"That explains fuck-all."

"If I must tell you everything, a lot of men watch League matches so if they see you like this they're much more likely to continue watching. If they continue watching we get more money so we have more money to give to you. It's win-win really."

"So I guess Zoh just doesn't exist in those people's minds."

"He does just… It's generally accepted that him and you being together is a kind of on-going joke because…"

"Spit it out."

"Most people still think he's the planet destroying psychopath. You would think they would be smart enough to see past that bullshit."

"Considering my lore I'm surprised they could think that I would hook up with someone like Zoh."

"Yeah but people think about your lore then they look at you for a second and decide you must be a nice person."

"It always comes down to my looks with people like those."

"You can't really blame them. Most of it can be put down to human nature."

"A lot of bad things can be attributed to human nature."

"Funny that, isn't it? You have, however, done a rather good job surrounding yourself in people who are mostly unaffected by such things."

"Mostly. I guess I'll just have to ignore this all until everything is back to normal."

I let go of his sleeve and walked back to Zoh.

"So then, that is 'conventionally pretty'."

"You were listening to that bullshit?"

"Yeah. I made a sound-o-scope. It's like a microscope but terrible."

He held up what looked like a cardboard tube.

"You didn't invent that. They put toilet paper around those."

"It's not one of those though."

"It is. I bet you can't prove to me you created it."

The tube exploded suddenly, leaving Zoh's hand charred and smoking.

"There. Proof. Also, ouch."

"Okay then I guess you did make it."

"We get off topic really easily don't we?"

"Yeah. Don't you think we should do something about your hand?"

"This happens pretty much every day. While you're taking hours to get ready I usually make something, accidentally make that thing explode then clean up the debris from said explosion."

"I don't take hours…"

"Lying to my face is not very nice."

"On good days I manage to get it all done in like, forty minutes."

"The key words there are 'good days'. Even then you still take forty minutes."

"Oh yeah, well how long does it take for you to get ready?"

"Two minutes, thirty five seconds and twelve milliseconds."

"That's oddly specific."

"Shaving takes one minute, fifty nine seconds and one millisecond and the rest is split up between other tasks."

"How do you know this and why is this all so specific?"

"I don't have time for you imprecise preparation arrangements!"

"Whoa calm down buddy. Seems I hit a nerve there."

"Damn right you did. Now we're both in bad moods. Thanks."

"Hey at least I have an actual reason for being mad."

"You went up against a try-hard get over it."

"It's not just that. There was the trouble with you and Shen earlier and all day I've had to serve our friends stupid amounts of drinks and food… I guess I'm just not cut out for this kind of work."

"So you got really lucky in being all magic and stuff."

"Yeah I know. Although if I wasn't magic I would probably just hang around with you and not have to take place in matches… wait that would be a good thing… I'm not sure how I feel about this."

"Our jobs aren't so bad. We get plenty of gold from it and we don't have to get our own house. Plus, when you're as over-powered as I am right now matches are really fun."

"I haven't played with or against you since the last patch. What did they do?"

"My ulti instantly sets my passive to its strongest point and reduces the cool-downs of all my basic abilities by five seconds."

"So basically the only one who can fight you is the other broken champion, Lucian."

"Pretty much. I still destroy him unless he is incredibly fed and I've somehow lost my lane."

"It feels like sometimes the summoners know exactly what to do to make champions balanced the other times they just add some numbers and throw it onto the Rift."

"The latter is basically what they did with you this patch."

"Yeah. The thing is I still have a lot of weaknesses in matches. Which is annoying because it constantly feels like I lose my lane in champ select."

"You might get that more and more after the inevitable spike in play after the trailer thing they're making comes out."

"That's just going to be a whole bunch of fun isn't it? You know, I enjoy seeing people around the League stare at me occasionally. But when a bunch of horny teenagers ogle a video of me it makes me uncomfortable. What if one of them found out what room we live in? Ugh. I shudder at the thought."

"I don't. Imagine the look on their little faces when they knock on the door, expecting to see you opening it, to be greeted by me in full armour?"

"What if you aren't the one who opens the door?"

"Do you want me to install a turret to turn anyone who knows into a bloody paste that tastes suspiciously like the secret ingredient in fast food restaurants?"

"I'm not going to say you can't do that but if you do I'm not going to be the one taking the blame."

"Ooh magnificent. I love a good turret."

"You know we should probably head home now. It'll be late by the time we get there."

"True. This tea is not great anyway."

He threw the cup across the room and out of an open window.

"I would laugh so much if that hit someone."

"We can only hope. Now you go and do… something, while I set a course for home."

"Fuck that I'm having my drink first."

Zoh rolled his eyes at me and went up the stairs, leaving my sight a few moments later.

After a few minutes, and much to my dismay, I found my glass was empty. I sighed then got up and put my glass on the bar before straightening my clothes and walking through to the other room to check if anyone needed help.

Everyone appeared to be doing fine until Lux stumbled out of the crowd, pint glass in hand, and put her free hand on my shoulder and pointed at me with the other, almost dropping her glass.

"You're alright, you know that? Remember the time when we… uhh… stabbed Vel'Koz in his eye? Oh wait that didn't happen… did it? Ahh you would, no… wait… you wouldn't know. Are you sure about that?"

"Lux do you drink often?"

"Pff yeah like… every twenty nine hours… hold on is there twenty four hours in a week? No.. uh… yeah so anyways as I was saying, a tombolo is the piece of land that connects an island to another island or to the main bit of land! Wait, why am I telling you this? Zoh probably invented tombolo's like everything else. Including the moon I think… Tell you what, you ask him if he invented the moon and I'll give you a hug or something. Okay? Thought so. Actually don't, it's rude to ask how often someone has to cut their hair."

"So I take it you have either had absurd amounts to drink since a few minutes ago or that is your first alcoholic drink ever."

"Naaaah what are you talking about? I have like, wine and stuff every day. And I use mouth-cleany stuff… uh… mouth-wash that's it!"

"That barely counts."

"Yeah well… how much have you… had? That was supposed to be a dramatic moment… you were supposed to do the dun, dun, duuuun bit."

"I drink when friends are or when there's nothing else to do. So, relatively often."

"Yeah well-" Before she could finish her mumbled sentence she projectile vomited all over her own arm then collapsed onto the floor, almost pulling me down with her.

Hours later (21:25):

We had barely been in the room for a minute before I dropped face first onto the bed. Even my tails were too tired to wave around like they normally would, instead simply lying on my back and around me. I heard Zoh walking in and felt the bed squish down as he sat next to me. He stroked my hair and whispered:

"It's over now. Get some well-deserved rest."

I slowly drifted off to sleep with Zoh still stroking my hair softly.

I'M SORRY KAY? THIS IS KINDA MAYBE A SMALL AMOUNT POSSIBLY LATE!

I HAVE REASONS THOUGH! EHEHEHEHEHEHEHHE!

HINTS: It's another story and it's set a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away!

HYPE!

But yeah it has nothing to do with this story, or the League of Legends in general. It'll be done… eventually…

Oh well… guess I should probably talk about some stuff here… hmm… uh…

Aha here's something! This story just passed 27,000 views. Yaay for arbitrary milestones!

What else… oh yeah I've pretty much stopped playing League completely since the last patch. Wanna know why? Lucian is broken. Pretty simple really. I did the same thing when Darius was released because he was broken as well. If they release another new champion and they are impossible to play against I'll quit League again for another few weeks.

Personal grumbles aside I have nothing else to talk about so I hope you all enjoyed this and the Shen-vision (which is not going to happen again anytime soon).

Cya!