Hey ya'll!
Been a while since we posted this! We're so sorry, life has been so busy… Well, we wrote this a while ago, but we just didn't get to post this, so for those of you who are fans of the soaps or Gilmore Girls/One Tree Hill, etc. we're probably a little behind in this and the next chapter! We'll catch up, but now, R&R and enjoy!
Danielle + Sara
Ch 4: A Field Trip To Doose's Market
That evening, everyone gave up on fighting with each other, made peace, and settled on nibbling on bushels of sweet tarts. Then they had a sleepover.
The next morning, at the Dragonfly, Justice Quartermaine stood up at the head of the table.
"I have to run an errand." He cleared his throat smartly.
Suddenly, a gazillion bumblebees with microscopic heads that looked strangely like Taylor buzzed around shouting "Go to Doose's Market" until Justice went into a fit of convulsions.
He morphed into Marcos from The Humorous Author's sister's integrated Math class, and went to sharpen his pencil.
"Cool it, Marco." Glenn from Rory's boring school newspaper said.
"POLO!" Mary's math class shouted across the country.
Tracy Q grinned slyly.
Luke Danes and Sonny Corinthos exchanged hi-fives.
All of the woman in the world giggled.
Charley/Merry sneezed.
The entire cast of our grand story marched in single file to Doose's Market. It took them 17 days to get there because the line was too long.
Since everyone was in such a happy mood, Taylor politely passed out free coupons.
Haley sang The Piano Man prettily.
Miss Patty, her apples, the CWAA, and a pack of wild boars from the New Hit Show Lost charged down the streets with flaming torches and pitchforks and Simon Cowell's black t-shirts after Matt Kula for playing the song The Piano Man on WSCS and getting it stuck in the Author's head.
Jason the Brick was a HERO!
He was used as Richard Gilmore's paperweight, after Rory stole him from Doose's thinking it was Corn Starch and left him at his pool house. After putting Jason to work, Richard decided he would look prettier at his office. On his way there, he ran into Emily and as an excuse to why he was in his own house without permission, he gave it to her as a present.
"Oh thank you, I love bricks Richard! I even have my own collection! Kiss me now!" They made up and out.
Alexis and Ric made out. After making out, they looked through the Bone Marrow aisle.
"It's no luck. Kristina will die! The world is exploding, wow it's getting hot in here. I think I had too much sex. I DON'T WANT TO TELL SONNY HE'S THE FATHER!" Alexis panted like a dog. Ric kissed her. She hovered 3 feet above the ground like a 3 Musketeer Bar. It took the firemen to pull her down. "Sonny is such a bastard!" she sobbed. Ric shoplifted a glass of water to give her.
Happy the dog gave birth to 3 kittens and a mouse.
Carly smacked him out of jealousy. "No fair! I want more kids then Lorelai! Sob sob sob sob sob!"
Heather Webber drugged Lorelai's coffee. Lorelai foolishly drank it all, because of her caffeine high, and died. Luke cried until he had water up his nose.
Everyone held a funeral for her lead by Kirk. Everyone fell to their knees crying. Their tears slowly floated towards her stone body like pretty sparkles. Lorelai glowed and came back to life like Ash Ketchum.
Luke gave everyone free pie.
Sam (GH) and Taylor got into a fistfight over the latest hairstyle.
Jack Sparrow bought out the candy aisle. He then rammed through a wall in an animated ship and turned into Captain Crunch.
Rory, Lucy, and Arwen decided to buy all of the goldfish and raise a family together.
Sonny modeled his newest fashion of black leather pants, a shirt made of dental floss, a necklace of shining bling-bling that said, "Gangsters Heart John Kerry", and a pile of fresh dirt on his head.
Sam and Taylor decided to make a truce by remodeling the market pink with orange stripes after agreeing that perms weren't out of style, they were just retro.
Gollum sent Ellen DeGeneres a package of World Peace.
Sonny showed up and said "DUH!" rather loudly.
Alcazar showed up and gunned him down. Suddenly, a gun shot off, Alcazar was dead.
"Thank god that gangster is dead!" Brookie breathed a sigh of relief.
Lois burst into tears. Lucy, Arwen, and Rory fanned her with sticks.
Sonny chased Michael around in numerous circles growling and slobbering ferociously like a beast, because Michael said he wet his pants.
The rest of the CWAA came to his rescue, and they all held hands and floated up to the ceiling and flew out of the nearest window like the kids in the Finding Neverland.
Sonny started crying and licked his toes.
Jack Sparrow started steering his new ship around the town square singing "The Water Buffalo Song".
Taylor ran around his circles like a chicken with its head cut off because everyone was destroying his Market.
Logan, Rory, Lucy, and Arwen held a contest on who could jump off the most buildings in an hour with snazzy umbrellas.
Suddenly, the Wicked Witch of the East appeared in a cloud of green smoke. Lucy, Rory, and Arwen started attacking her with their pink umbrellas, but it was no use.
Carly floated from the sky with a bucket of water and poured it on her.
"I'm melting! MELTING!" The witch cried, as she melted to a puddle of green goo on the floor.
Grandma Hayest walked to the puddle with a mop and cleaned it up.
Lorelai shot Carly for saving the day, and she died. Sonny walked up to her in sweat pants and a necklace saying Mobsters Heart George Bush and held a gun on her.
Monk tried to stop him but was shot instead. A funeral was held for him, led by Sonny because he forgot Carly never told him about Kristina and was relieved she was dead.
Monk laid in a coffin that immensely resembled the coffin in Sleeping Beauty with cute animals. Grandma Hayest and Monica gently placed a bottle of Clorox in the coffin.
Squidward Tentacles cleverly took the Clorox and sprayed Monk's face with it. Monk came back to life!
Squidward serenaded the world with his clarinet. Everyone hid under a pillow for days because he sucked.
Carly came back to life because she was fond of bad music.
Sam cried because her baby was dead.
"It's ok… The angels wanted her in heaven. She is too precious for earth!" Jason told her sounding godly.
The market was filled with a cold wind. "Remember! Remember who you are!" Mufasa boomed.
"I can't! My baby is gone! I feel completely empty with out her! There's a place in my heart that is empty now!" She sobbed. Everyone on Earth bowed and cried with her like the Pokemon on the movie. Even the Author is crying…………
"There's a place for us!" someone sang.
It was a sad moment.
"Oh where is my Hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh where oh where, oh where oh where, oh where oh where, oh where oh where, OH WHE-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ER-ERE—IS MY HAIRBRUSH?" Ashton Kutcher did a One-man version of the Veggie Tale Countdown Video.
Harry Potter crashed through the window on a broom.
Voldemort, Gollum, and Sauron played bocce ball. It was fun.
"Well, I'm having an affair with Dr. Steven Lars!" Carly shouted.
"Being LOYAL is a good thing!" Lorelai informed her.
"Since when? I thought we were competing to see who had more lovers and kids?" Carly asked her.
"Yeah, well, we were competing to see who was a better mom and wife too." Lorelai said.
"Oh, well let's just fight."
"Ok."
Nomad tapped Mary on the shoulder. She giggled.
Johnbot baked a pie. "If I changed 3 diapers, and calculated how many Skittles could fill up Lake Huron, and sold 11,000 Girl Scout cookies, what would be the favorite color of the Vice President of James Polk?"
"X49+ ½." Rory answered.
"Correct!" Johnbot smiled. "Now, if Gimli slipped on 19 banana peels and Santa Clause skipped 26 houses this year, how far can Jack Nicholson spit sunflower seeds?"
"Carson City, Nevada, 1408." Rory said boringly.
"Right! Alright, one more. If Miss Patty seduced Luke 12 times in two hours, and Drew Carry swallowed 11 pineapples, and 2 oranges were 17 centimeters wide, what would be on the other side of the rainbow?"
"39,000,000 and 6/11 of bologna."
"Good!" John smiled.
"Jason! I want my baby back! But I know I can't have her. I want another baby." Sam was close to tears.
Jason, "(blank stare)."
"Jason, I want to have a baby with you." Sam said seriously.
Jason, "(blank stare)."
"Now, if Nicole Kidman carved 70 pumpkins and I had a pillow fight with a dog, why would a bird eat 3 forks and a lion?"
"79 Jewish Holidays and a rotten tomato." Rory said proudly.
"No!" The world gasped.
"No, 79 Jewish Holidays, a rotten tomato, and one of Miss Spuckler's big pink bows." Johnbot whispered happily.
"Wahh!" Rory sobbed.
"It's alright, Rory, just breathe into this happy paper bag." Lucy complained.
Suddenly, some preschoolers and the CWAA marched in a line with their hands on their hips.
"Do you know you guys were once as cute as them?" Mrs. Consilio said to her homeroom class who wasn't listening to her. "Then you turned into teenagers!" Mrs. Consilio gobbled like a turkey and laughed until she popped.
Her head shot into the air like Francine's from Arthur.
Luke and Lorelai (who were canoodling) paused to watch in awe.
Meanwhile, Faith Rosco, from wherever she was at the moment, had a strong impulse to write the letter "P" on her hand.
Ashton Kutcher did a One Man performance of "The Bratz, 1st Original Movie".
"I'm glad you're here Nellie, I think we'll be great friends!" exclaimed bratty Samantha.
Sonny pulled out a machine gun and shot her.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Aragorn threw himself in front of Samantha and took the bullet.
59 snails plodded into the Doose's and latched themselves on Sonny and swallowed him.
Aragorn lay bleeding on the floor and he died.
Ch 5 will be up soon!
