Hello and welcome you lovely, lovely people!

Having a good day? If so, yay! If not, start having a good day! Please. Or just go to sleep until it is a better day :D

Now then, important stuff. First off, I love you guys and girls. Secondly, if you couldn't tell, I'm in a great mood right now. Third, I'm not going to put a shameless plug for my other story here. I'm too sneaky with my plugs to do that. (Hint, I use subliminal messaging to make you read stuff) (Other hint, I don't).

PUN OF THE WEEK: Why do Nocturne and Sivir never win spelling competitions? Because they can only spellshield.

Hue, hue, hue. So good.

Anyway, on with the chapter!

Chapter 31: Armed and dangerous

Outside Piltover (11:30pm):

Zoh POV

More darkness. Yay.

As if there wasn't enough in the tunnel on the way to Piltover. No. Of course not. There just had to be more. My company wasn't doing much to cheer up the situation.

"How much longer must I wait before the slaughter can begin?"

"Look, Zed, give it a rest for a minute. The warehouse is just over the next hill. But don't get too excited, your job is to protect me while I set up the teleporter to send the stuff back to base."

"I realise that. But surely I can hope they send an army to stop you?"

"As unlikely as that is, you can hope."

Just as he finally shut up we crossed over the top of the hill. In the distance was the shining city of Piltover, lights blazing into the sky. For a fleeting moment I froze in my tracks when my eyes drifted upon the hotel room where I was replaced by a clone. Somehow, I almost missed those days. Back before life got complicated and the only things in the world that mattered to me were my friends, Ahri included. Sure, she tried to make things as difficult as possible for me. But through all that it was still fun and laid-back. Much better than being a terrorist.

Zed wouldn't let me dwindle on the past any longer as I found myself being shoved harshly forward.

"Unless you want to see the distraction our friends have so graciously given us go to waste I suggest you start moving."

"Sorry. Caught up in the moment."

We continued on towards the Piltover dock without another pause. We got within a hundred metres of the docks before I got my armour full armour on. As we walked I caught a glimpse of what I thought was smoke coming out of the furthest hangar from us. My worst fear was realised when Akali spoke up on the earpiece:

"Major problem people. A Summoner decided that fire was a great thing to use while we were surrounded by cardboard."

The moment she finished speaking the roof of the furthest warehouse collapsed in and fire burst out. Every Summoner on the dock ran towards it.

"Well, that works I guess."

Me and Zed got onto the dock and ran to the warehouse closest to us. None of the entrances were open so I made a new one with my axe. Inside was a treasure trove of technology and strange things that I made on a whim. The Instant-Sober machine being my personal favourite, even if it did bring early hangovers.

After a moment I found that the Summoners had attempted to pull apart and reverse-engineer my technology, a fact that amused me to no end considering they had failed. Even one of the inventions I made when I was ten seemed beyond their comprehension.

Putting my personal entertainment aside I began setting up the teleportation equipment. As I set up the range-sensors in each corner of the warehouse I heard the pained screams of Zed's victims. I had to give him credit, he wasn't discriminating. Male and female scream rang out across the dock.

Once all the range-sensors were up I turned on my earpiece.

"Everyone meet up at the warehouse then set off your explosives."

Out of nowhere I began to feel rather warm on my back. When I turned I found myself staring down at a female Summoner who couldn't have been more than sixteen. She was clearly petrified so much that she couldn't even move.

I got down on one knee to stare at her in the eye then took my helmet off and put down my axe.

"Don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you."

She tried to speak but no words came out.

"How long have you been a Summoner?"

"T-t-tw-two…"

"I understand that there is nothing I can do to make you feel less afraid. All I will say is, you are still a teenager. You still have your entire life ahead of you. At this point, you can still choose to do what you want. Hey, you look like a smart enough girl. So just go home for a while and ask yourself this: do you want to spend the rest of your life doing this? I can't promise that you will survive long if we meet you again. Especially not if Zed finds you. I would hate to see a promising young life like yours ended by that guy."

"We… were supposed t-to… help people… no more…"

She ran past me and out the entrance I had made. When I followed her out everyone else was waiting for me.

"What did you do to her?" Ahri asked.

"We had a chat. I don't think we'll be seeing her again."

"Hopefully. Let's go."

Just before I went back inside I caught a glimpse of two lines of Summoners on the floor of the dock. Thankfully, the line who appeared unconscious was much longer than the line of the dead. I ran back inside and joined everyone else in the middle of the warehouse. I, Shen and Akali pulled out buttons and pressed them all at once. Just as the sounds of the other warehouses exploded we, and the contents of the warehouse we were in, appeared on the grass outside our base. We were perfectly in the cleared area we made earlier.

I took off my armour and turned to Ahri. By the time I was looking at her she was already hugging me tightly.

"Can we go to sleep now? I've got no energy left."

"You go ahead. I'll just cover this stuff up."

Everyone else dispersed out to do whatever they wanted as I pushed all the crates full of stuff and loose object together into a pile the side of an average tree before pulling some camo netting over it. I could barely see if it was fully over the pile but it was so dark that I doubted it would actually make a difference either way. When I was done I began walking towards the hut we made, checking on our friends as I went. Over to my right was Zed. He sat in the shadows, only his red eyes breaking the darkness. To my left were Shen and Akali, who were having a casual chat around a fire.

Moments later I was inside the wooden walls of our hut. My feet hit the wooden floor, alerting Ahri to my presence. She was sat in a corner, staring out one of the windows Shen had carved out of the wood. I could tell she was deep in her own world so I tried to be quiet as I sat down next to her. Without a word she put her head on my shoulder and continued looking out the window.

"Do you ever wonder why things happen the way they do? All those tiny details which you just shrug off then turn out to make a huge difference."

"Not really. Why do you ask?"

"I dunno. It just feels like we should have paid more attention to those details before that guy could replace the entire Council."

"Things are always obvious in hindsight."

"I suppose that is right. Even so, I can't shake the feeling that we should have seen this coming. Maybe then we wouldn't be sitting on a wooden floor in a hut on the side of a mountain. Maybe then we would be lying in our comfy bed back home."

"Honestly, I don't care where we are. We could be here, back home or on the moon for all I care. All that matters is we are here together with friends a few metres away. Just the fact that we can have this talk right now, worry free, is enough to let me sleep easy."

"Normally I would go out of my way to make sure you don't get any sleep at all. We can't really do that here."

"I suppose that means you have been staring out the window so much you haven't noticed the door in the rocks."

Ahri's gaze shot over to the rock wall and, after some searching, she noticed the hairline cracks in it. I got up and strolled over to it before pushing on the wall. It moved forward a few inches then dropped down into a hole in the floor. Ahri followed me in as I stepped down the staircase deeper into the mountain. Eventually we got to a clear room with a low ceiling and three openings on each wall. I got hold of Ahri's hand and led her to the one furthest to the left. Inside was another blank room with a double bed off to the right side.

"How did you get that in here? And when did you find the time to do this?"

"While you guys were sharing scary stories and waiting for night I was making this. I can do a lot with a pickaxe it turns out."

"How did you get the bed though?"

"I think I can teleport a bed from a warehouse to here."

"Why did you have a bed in the warehouse?"

"I invented a special bed a few years ago that was especially comfortable if you kept moving. I used to move a lot in my sleep."

"Well then, I suppose we should make the most of this bed's 'special' properties."

Ahri pushed me back onto the bed then sat on my pelvis.

"We aren't going to be interrupted, right?"

"I asked everyone to give us a while. They're sleeping in tents outside."

Ahri smiled then slowly took off her clothes and shoes until only her underwear remained. All I could do was stare in awe at her while she removed my jacket and shirt. She seemed to get some sort of pleasure from undoing the buttons on my shirt as agonisingly slowly as possible. I could feel her getting warmer as she pulled away my trousers.

I knew exactly was about to happen for the next few hours, and I was glad no-one would be able to see or hear it.

The next day (09:00am 8th June):

Of all the things to be in pain when I woke up, my nose was probably the least likely thing I could think up. As soon as I opened my eyes I discovered why, for the floor was staring straight back at me. When I pushed myself up I noticed that the bed was definitely to my right and should really not have been there all things considered. I got up to my feet to immediately discover the true reason for my floor-based slumber. Not only was Ahri taking up all of the bed, but she was sleeping sideways with her feet where I used to be.

At least I had underwear on.

That fact proved especially helpful when there was a knock on the rocks behind me. When I spun around I found Zed leaning on the doorway.

"Oh hey Zed… how's it going?"

"I am simply fantastic. You can't say the same it appears." He replied without a single trace of emotion in his voice.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Either you are suddenly clumsy or Ahri is abusing you. The latter does not seem overly likely if you ask me."

"Well, in her sleep she kicked me out the bed. I somehow slept through it."

I heard movement behind me so I looked around to see Ahri getting up, half asleep and fully naked. She stood up and started walking around. Before I could think up a better plan I put my arm and leg out to the side to block Zed's view. He didn't even appear to notice her but I kept my limbs in the way just in case.

Zed simply stared at me blankly. My attempts to stare back without having to look away failed until I heard the reassuring sound of Ahri collapsing back onto the bed.

I tried to smile at Zed, yet he simply kept glaring at me.

"There is something deeply wrong with you."

"That's subjective."

I guess he must not have been impressed as he pushed himself off the wall and walked away. Finally I decided to put my arm and leg down before I went back to the bed. I laid back only to be immediately ambushed by Ahri who decided the best thing to do would be to lie with her chest sideways on my stomach.

"Uh Ahr-"

I was cut off when she lazily shoved my face to the side.

"Still mostly asleep, aren't you?"

"Mmm shut up Mr Potato."

I was slightly offended but then I remembered that she had the strangest dreams of anyone I knew. She flailed her arms around when I tried to move slightly so I decided the best thing to do would be to wait for her to genuinely wake up.

After a few minutes of waiting nothing much happened until Lux waltzed in. When she saw us she gasped and covered her eyes.

"Oh god! Wha- I don't even- uhh!"

"Trust me when I say this, I'm just as uncomfortable right now as you are. Except I'm physically uncomfortable, mostly because I have to scratch my back but I can't move."

"Yeah but… ahh! Why are you still like this?"

"Blame her."

"I'm so uncomfortable right now!"

"And I'm stuck in a glass case of emotion!"

"What?"

"Never mind. Anyway when you and Yasuo are like this and I walk in we're going to have a very different conversation."

"That is not going to happen!"

"Everyone knows that the way people resolve their differences these days is to have sex and get over it."

"I'd die before I sleep with that guy!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"Shut it!"

She demanded before storming out of the room. I laughed with pure joy at the thought I had found how to piss her off best. And if there was anything I loved in the world, apart from Ahri and my mother, it was learning how to annoy people.

Thankfully, Ahri sort of woke up a bit. It was enough for her to get up, put on some underwear, walk around, look confused then notice me and appear shocked.

"Oh. Hey. You're a bit under-dressed for this occasion."

"That's rich coming from you."

She looked down then gasped in surprise before staring around the room in surprise.

"Hey! Where'd the palace go?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Ooh I see what's happened. You see, after you fell asleep I went to have a quick look at the stuff outside and I found a box labelled "PILLS HERE". Looking inside I discovered a cacophony of strangely coloured box's full of pills. I found box which claimed to be the cure for stomach aches, which I had, so I took it and now the whole world seems so wonderful."

"Yeah I am really not good at pills. I think what you took was… not the cure for stomach aches. To say the least."

"Ohhhhhh. That must be why the potato took me to the fruity gala at some palace place in the Freljord."

"I'm not sure about the ones from this planet, but on my planet potatoes are not fruit."

"That bastard lied to me!"

"No-one lied to you Ahri. You were just high. Really, really high."

"Ah, okay then. I'm not sure if I want to get into that or not."

"Don't. It does more harm than good."

"Mmk. Can we go have a look at the other stuff in there?"

"Sure. But before we do I'm going to set out a few rules."

We both got dressed before Ahri left and I attempted to make the bed presentable again. After a few attempts I hadn't made much progress but I decided it wasn't going to get any better so I left. As I jogged up the stairs I attempted to straighten my jacket before I reached the top of the stairs. The moment I stepped outside the log cabin irritation washed over me as before me was the pile of stuff, being raided by not only my comrades from tomorrow but another group entirely. Lux, Yasuo and Rengar were digging in with the rest of them.

I must have been in a bad mood as my reaction to the sight was to get my axe and smash the rocks behind me, creating a noise so loud I feared for a moment that the Summoners at the League building might have heard it.

"Everyone stop going through the stuff and sit the fuck down!"

Immediately they all stopped going through the stuff and sat down obediently in front of me.

"Okay now none of you will say a single goddamn word until I am done talking! Am I understood?"

They all nodded with fear on their faces.

"Good! Now, there are rules you all have to abide by if you want to go through that stuff and not get killed. First off, do not touch ANYTHING that looks like a pill or a liquid! Second, if a box says anything similar to 'explosives' on the side do NOT touch it. It will kill you. Third, if you find something that looks like a gun don't point it at anyone else. It will kill them, then I will kill you! Lastly, if something looks like my armour avoid putting it on. It will kill you, then I will bring you back to life with shock paddles, and THEN I will kill you myself! I'm going to make you all some armour myself so you don't have to put mine on! Alright?"

Once again they nodded.

"Fine. I'm done. Have fun."

They all sprung up from the ground and ran back to rummage through the pile of stuff. It felt for a moment like Snowdown had come down early.

I followed them to the pile and began removing all the stuff which could be considered dangerous. Despite that, they all appeared to be finding things they wanted. Some of the stuff I barely recognised as being made by me.

Quite some time later I was done removing the dangerous stuff so I began searching for my personalised crate of goodies. As I searched Shen bumped into me, clearly mesmerized by the holo-communicator in his hands.

"My apologies Zoh. If you don't mind me asking, what is this and how did you make it?"

"It's a hologram projector. Basically if two people have one of those they can call each other and appear as holograms to the other people from almost any distance. So it's pretty useless until you find the other one. As to how I made it… let's just say it would take far too long to explain properly. To put it simply, the light is emitted from the base then stopped at various points to make a 3D image. It also takes a bit of reflection and refraction but let's not get into that. I should mention I've only got it working with green light so far. Don't ask why."

"Hmm. Intriguing. Why do we not use these instead of Earpieces?"

"It's an issue with the way the image is relayed between units. It can only be sent to one at a time."

"Ah. Maybe one day we could attempt to create a solution?"

"I'd love to have your help with that. There are a lot of things I overlook when inventing, so a second set of eyes couldn't hurt."

"Indeed. However I would very much prefer if you did not take my eyes out of my face."

He strolled away before I could correct him. At some point I had to make a PSA which explained all of my culture's saying to the people of Runeterra. That could wait though, as mere moments later I uncovered my favourite crate in the universe. Pulling it out of the pile I noted that it was larger than I remembered, being at least half my height. When I set it down on the ground I pulled out a crowbar from the pile and considered using it to open the crate, before deciding it was tool used only by wimps. I threw it away then got my axe.

Placing the axe against the lid of the box I gave it a few test swings, stopping just before I hit the crate to make sure I wouldn't hit anything inside. When I was confident I put all my weight into a final swing which sliced the top of the crate off with ease. The lid flew through the air for a few seconds, spinning like a Frisbee as it went. It hit Rengar in the back so I dived behind the crate so he wouldn't see me. A few moments later I peeked around the corner to be confronted by Rengar who started growling. I leaned back behind the crate then put on my stealth armour before turning on the invisibility, in hopes that he wouldn't be able to see me. Of course, I forgot that he can see invisible things.

Before that thought crossed my mind I received a fierce punch to the balls.

Rengar wandered back, smiling as he went, while I writhed on the floor in pain. He hit me so hard my stealth-field sparked and went offline.

Once the pain was mostly gone I grabbed hold of the top of the crate and pulled myself up onto one knee. I rested on the crate and stared inside. Everything was there, and that made me happy. So very, very happy.

"What's in the box?"

Morgana asked from behind me. I struggled to my feet and spun around to face her.

"Personal stuff."

"That's slightly general don't you think?"

"Why do you want to know what's in the box?"

"I'm just interested. Why are you being so defensive?"

"Because you don't need to know that why."

"Are you really not going to show me inside the box?"

"Yeah. It's a secret."

"Rengar was over here earlier. What about him?"

"He was too focused on punching me in the nuts."

"Look, you can either show me what's in the box, or I can make you show me."

We glared into each other's eyes for a few seconds before I gave in.

"ARGH! Alright! I'll show you in a few minutes. I've just got to put it all together first."

"I'll be back in five minutes. You have till then."

She strolled away as I sat down on the side of the crate. Five minutes was not enough.

About five minutes later (10:25am):

As I struggled to put together my invention the sounds of footsteps grew louder behind me. It sounded an awful lot like Morgana had brought friends with her. Thankfully the pile of stuff provided plenty of cover from prying eyes. Seconds later I heard a cough to get my attention.

When I turned around I noticed that literally everyone from earlier was there. Even Zed appeared to be intrigued by my creation.

"So then Zoh, what the hell is this?"

"I'll show you."

I looked at my invention with a tinge of pride. As it stood at that point, it was a large metal tube just slightly taller and wider than me with a door on the side facing the group of people.

"Begin!"

Nothing happened.

"Start."

"Go."

"Activate."

I gave it a kick and it responded with a ding. Opening the door I was met with the sight of a sloth.

"Well, that's not right."

I closed the door and kicked it again. Another ding later I opened the door to find the correct thing. Inside was my warp-axe and wormhole armour. The coolest things I had ever made. With a click of my button they both disappeared then appeared on me.

"What makes these things so important?" Nocturne asked.

"Come over here and try to stab me."

"What?"

"You heard me."

He floated over to me and let one of his weapons extend fully. I positioned myself so that Nocturne was in front of me and the group was to my right.

After a few seconds of hesitation he attempted to stab me through the chest, only for his weapon and arm to disappear before they hit me then reappear behind me. He pulled it back and stared in awe at his weapon and my armour. Everyone else looked on in amazement at my armour's ability as I smiled smugly at their reactions.

"Did my blade just… go through you?"

"Yes. Well, no. Sort of. It went through a wormhole on one side and out the other end on the other side."

"Wait, can I…?"

He floated towards me and went right through, appearing behind me.

"This is so cool!" Ahri exclaimed while running up and through me.

"Yeah. As you might be able to guess, this does have limited use. It's prototype technology and, honestly, I have no idea if it is going to continue working properly for long. I haven't even shown you the axe yet."

I grabbed my axe from my belt and showed it off to everyone. It, along with my armour, looked the same as my normal set.

"Everyone take a few steps back."

They all did as I asked so I got ready. Holding the axe above my head I got into a stance which would stop me from falling over. I smashed the axe into the ground a bit harder than I meant to. The ground in front of me atomised then inverted into blue-matter, as I called it, before coming into contact with regular matter and exploding. The blast sent me flying through the air, straight over the pile of stuff. I landed on the other side just before my arm holding the axe hit the ground, once again sending me flying through the air. Straight back to where I started. Thankfully I stopped the axe from hitting the ground.

"I would say 'ouch' but none of that explosion hit me." I joked while pushing myself up from the floor.

"I'm beginning to see why you choose to use the other armour over this stuff."

"Yep. But this stuff is a lot of fun in moderation. Like most things."

Morgana was about to say something when Zed suddenly covered her mouth and told everyone to be quiet with a hand symbol.

"Summoners are inbound. Everyone take cover inside the base."

General POV

All in the crowd, bar Zed, made their way quickly to the wooden hut then deep into the tunnel system of Zoh's creation. Zed walked away from the pile of stuff and into the open space near the mountain just as a group of eight Summoners appeared from out of the trees in a square diamond formation. They approached Zed, who was still in his Shockblade armour, before stopping. The one at the front spoke to Zed without the smallest amount of fear in his voice:

"Zed, as is stated in section twelve of the League-Champion agreement which you signed upon your day of admittance into the Institute of War in the role of a Champion, you are officially ordered to assist any Summoner or group of Summoners who request your aid in the tracking of criminals. The criminals of which you are hereby ordered to hunt are listed on any number of wanted posters around Runeterra. As of this moment you are to stay with this group until the time comes where the criminals have been brought to justice."

The group began to walk towards the pile of stuff before stopping in their tracks when Zed spoke, at which point they all turned and moved so that the leader was once again in front of Zed.

"And what if I refuse?"

"Then you shall be sent to a temporary jail until a court is made free for use in deciding your punishment."

"How do you suppose I will be transported to this 'temporary jail'?"

"We will escort you before continuing with our current task."

"What if I won't be escorted?"

"At that point deadly force is authorised."

"Deadly force… Now that is an idea I can get behind."

Without a moment of hesitation Zed disappeared into a shadow below him and a gut-wrenching laugh echoed through the trees. He then appeared in the middle of the group and began slashing in all direction with his weapons. Screams and cries rung out but no-one could help them by that point. One Summoner managed to turn to attempt to fight back but Zed was already gone, replaced by a shadow. He then flashed into existence on the side of the group and began stabbing and slashing again before once again being replaced by a shadow. He was gone for a second or so before four of his shadows appeared around the group. Zed then showed up in front of the leader, both weapons impaled in the man's chest before he withdrew his weapons and threw his shuriken's through the group. The shadows mimicked his actions with deadly precision. The Summoners were sliced multiple times by every set of shuriken's before the weapons and shadows all vanished. Zed stood, un-moving, as the group in front of him collapsed to the ground. Somehow they all survived for a few more seconds, just long enough to hear Zed laughing above them. The same nightmare-inducing laugh as before.

Then, silence.

Zoh POV

I gave everyone the signal to stay where they were as I climbed the stairs. We had all heard the screams and feared the worse, but none of us wanted to confirm our fears. The moment I stepped outside of the cabin I realised it was worse than I thought, and that was saying something. About eight Summoners lay at Zed's feet, all of them with wounds in the right places to prolong their suffering until Zed had struck the final blows. Limbs were severed, non-vital organs were punctured and bones were cracked or sliced into many pieces. Faces were so badly mangled you couldn't tell one from another. Somehow, Zed was completely unscathed and didn't have but a drop of blood on him.

"Uh… what happened?"

"They attempted to make me help them hunt you, so I cut them down."

"The punishment is disproportionate to the crime in this case."

"If that is how you choose to see the situation I shall not attempt to change that. Either way, we must dispose of these bodies."

"How do you suggest we do that?"

"Get a shovel and start digging."

Reluctantly, I went to the pile of stuff and got two shovels. I pondered why I had shovels there but I quickly remembered that I got drunk and thought I invented them. Throwing one to Zed I went into the woods and began digging graves. Zed joined just after I began.

"Why are we digging here?"

"We don't want to be stepping on them while walking around the base."

"Do you have a problem with stepping on graves?"

"It's bad luck."

"Well, that is a strange source of bad luck. My guess is it comes from superstition."

"Yep. It's just one of those things. Ghosts didn't exist on my planet so I didn't care for the idea of bad luck but here it's an entirely different situation."

"Was magic not used on your planet?"

"It was, just it was highly controlled and regulated. Everyone who used it had to work for the government or die. Those that chose the government were only taught a few very specific abilities. You know, fire and lightning sort of stuff."

"Why would your superiors restrict magic's in such ways?"

"How are you supposed to control people more powerful than you? It's the same reason a lot of the stuff I made was confiscated by the government. If I couldn't create multiple versions of it or an effective countermeasure I was not allowed to keep it."

"The system you came from is a mockery of effective governments."

"I agree. That's why I gave huge amounts of weapons and armour to anti-government groups a few weeks ago. By now I would expect them to have freed at least one planet."

"Multi-planet empires could never survive for long."

"Hell, if I hadn't been teleported out by Dis the empire would have probably survived for a few hundred years more."

"No offense but I would not find it easy to choose between this life and one where you did not get transported to this planet."

"Hear that? It's the sound of my feelings being hurt. In all seriousness though, I like the idea that I have not had a massive effect of this planet. If I wanted to I could have introduced all kinds of technology to the leaders of this planet. But I think the last thing we need is a nuclear war between Noxus and Demacia."

"I quite like the sound of that. What does 'nuclear war' entail?"

"Bombs that can destroy everything for hundreds miles in all directions then leave the affected area inhabitable for many thousands of years. Oh yeah and a few nuclear weapons I made can destabilise the cores of planets if the planets are not too big."

He stopped digging for a moment.

"Oh. Suddenly I have discovered a variant of war which I do not support. What would happen if you fired one of those at a star?"

"Nothing. The explosion is too small to make a difference."

"I suppose that is a good thing."

He continued digging but I could tell he planned on questioning further.

"So, is your axe nuclear?"

"None of the ones I have now are. I used to have an atomic axe but people started making bad puns about it so I threw it in a random while it space."

"If that is so, why did your 'warp-axe' make an explosion?"

"Honestly, I have absolutely not a single idea! It's wonderful right?"

"It worries me greatly that you do not know the workings of such a destructive weapon. If I get killed by that thing my acolytes will slit your throat."

"Don't worry it is likely going to maybe not accidentally explode. Probably."

"Truly you have filled my soul with confidence."

"If it makes you feel better the stuff it makes is blue-matter and the axe blade is infused with green matter and the explosion is red and orange so it's kind of like a rainbow axe. In fact that is my new name for this axe."

"Rainbow axe?" He queried rhetorically before sighing and striking his spade into the ground.

We both continued digging for a few more minutes until the sound of the mud hitting the ground started coming faster than I thought. My eyes were fixed on the grave I was digging so I paid it no attention until someone cleared their throat right next to me, in the direction I was throwing the dirt. I froze then turned my head to the right. Shen was there. Head and shoulders covered in mud.

"Why you do this to me?"

"I didn't… you weren't… sorry…"

Zed chuckled next to me.

"Shut it and keep digging!"

"Whoa, we got a badass over here." Zed replied.

"Everyone stop referencing things!"

"Okay. I only came over here to ask why you two are digging graves anyway."

Me and Zed looked at each other then over to Shen.

"The graves are for the bodies."

"What bodies?"

I and Zed stared at Shen with confusion then over to where the bodies used to be. They were gone along with the blood splatters and everything else. We both dropped the spades and ran over to the area.

"Where did they go?" I asked Zed who shrugged and began scanning the treeline for clues as to where they went.

"I don't know. They cannot have moved themselves so someone came and removed them."

"We would have heard that. And why would they clean up the blood?"

Shen joined us with his arms crossed.

"I must request that one of you give me the details of this situation."

"Zed killed a bunch of Summoners who were searching for us so we went to dig their graves and while we were digging I decided to rename my warp-axe to rainbow axe then we kept digging but then you came along and the rest you know! Now help us work this out before we get in real trouble!"

"Ah. I see the situation."

A second later a flash of bright light came from behind us so we all turned. Bro was there, sitting on a cheap wooden chair.

"Hello lads!"

I waved, Shen bowed politely and Zed said "Hello."

"What are you guys doing up here? Me and everyone else were playing some card games downstairs."

"We lost some bodies while digging their graves. Well, I and Zed did."

"Oh the bodies that were here? I gave them all proper burials while you two were digging. I think you had just started."

"Wow. Really?"

"Yeah."

"That was a lot of wasted work."

"Indeed. Do you want to come and join in the fun now? I was just in the middle of a story about me and your mum when I realised what you guys were probably doing."

"Yeah sure." We all answered in near-perfect synchronisation.

"Wow that was weird." I noted as we all began making out way to the log cabin.

A few card games later (12:00am):

Once again I found myself throwing my terrible cards into the middle and leaning my chair back onto its hind legs. Rengar, Akali and Lux were having equally bad luck.

Ahri was just bad. A massive smile meant good cards and droopy tails meant bad cards.

I was considering challenging everyone else to fifty two card pickup to cheer myself up. Fortunately for everyone else, I wasn't in THAT bad of a mood yet. Yet.

"So then Nocturne and friends, how did you lot find us?"

"Morgana saw you lot running from the League building in this direction. Me and Rengar were having breakfast when she found us and mentioned it so I showed her the note. For a while we thought it was just you guys doing something stupid so we didn't do anything about it. Earlier today we heard about an attack on a dock by you guys so we decided the note probably wasn't a joke. Now we're here and I can't wait to start slaughtering people indiscriminately!"

"We can't kill random people Nocturne. This whole terrorism thing works a damn sight better if people want to help us and not kill us."

"Oh yeah? How would you know?"

"I've done this nine times on nine different planets. I've also put down fifty seven terrorist groups."

"I thought you worked for your government up till now?"

"Had to find something to do in my spare time, didn't I?"

"That is an odd hobby."

"Hey, some people collect stamps, others paint miniature figures, I support or destroy terrorist groups depending on if they are good or bad. But anyway the point is, I have experience with this."

"Okay, I'll trust what you say."

I gave a smile of approval just as a round cards were handed out to the people still in the game. Ahri was next to me but I knew what happened when one of her tails, which had been hovering above my head, fell and rested on my shoulders. I grabbed the cards from her hands and threw them into the middle of the table.

"How did you know?"

"You make it obvious."

"What? No I don't."

Everyone looked at her with expressions which told her everything.

"Why did no-one tell me before?"

"I don't know about everyone else, but I figured ignorance is bliss." Lux revealed.

"I didn't say anything because, hey, it's one less person who can win." Akali added.

"What about you Yasuo?" Lux asked, clearly attempting to put him in a difficult situation.

"Oh I just, uhh, yeah… you know… it's not really something that I… should talk about…" He replied while sinking into his seat and bringing the cards up to his face.

"You were saying?" Ahri asked.

"I mean… pff… really, Zoh should probably be the guy who should of… said stuff."

"That is a good point actually. Why didn't you say something until now Zoh?"

"Well…" I began while putting my hand on the table and making a rude gesture towards Yasuo.

"… to be honest I thought it was quite cute seeing you get excited by a card game where no-one is actually winning anything."

"Not yet we aren't. It's still quite nice to win though. And eventually we are going to start playing for something. Right?"

Everyone simply shrugged.

"If you guys want, I made myself tons of beer before most my powers were removed for the holidays. We could play for bottles of that." Dis pointed out. Everyone either nodded or said 'yes'.

"Zoh go get them. They're through in that room."

I leaned my chair so that its front legs were, once again, on the floor. As I got up I grumbled under my breath a bit.

"Got to do everything around here."

After a few steps I got to the door and went inside. The moment I turned to my right surprise became the only emotion in my body. Beer bottles were stacked from the floor to the ceiling two metres up and five metres across. Multiple layers of beer bottles were between me and the wall.

"Hmm. Not bad."

It be over now.

I ain't got nothing to say so I ain't gonna say nothing.

Bye. Hope you all enjoyed it!