Chapter 29 – Truth and Forgiveness
EDWARD
I tried not to ask questions my heart may not be able to hear the answers to, even if my logical brain could comprehend it with ease. There was a kind of honesty that was selfless and a kind that was selfish. I had to ask myself if it was more loving to keep secrets or to tell Bella. The protector in me wanted to keep what her mother did to her secret, however the lawyer in me sought to tell her. The lawyer won, and I hoped Charlie would understand.
Two days later and a couple of conversations with Jasper about the divorce decree, I decided it was time, well past time, Bella was told the truth. Swiping a hand done my face, I stood and walked out of the home office in search of my wife.
I found Bella wrapped in a blanket with a book in her hands on the couch in the living room. Hating myself for what I had to do, I placed my two finger over the top of the book. She lifted her head and scrutinized me before a faint smile materialized.
Steeling myself, I said, "We need to talk about something."
The smile fell face as she tilted her head in confusion. "About?" she asked.
Taking the book from her and marking her page, I set it on the coffee table before sitting. "Your father," I answered once she was settled on my lap.
"I'm not ready to talk to h–"
I cut her off. "I know. It's more in the ways he was protecting you."
A blank look appeared, it seem as if she was looking passed me. "How?" she asked at length, sounding skeptical.
Her tone had me pausing and considering my next words. I tightened my hold. "Sweetheart, the letters and other documents you found were about or from your mother. Your father kept them from you because of what happened to you at your mother's hand."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
I wanted to lift my hand and run it through my hair, not sure how she was going to react, I kept my arms around her. "When you were three, your mother tired to kill you."
Bella went ramrod straight on my lap for eighteen heartbeats before going slack. "Why would she do that?"
"I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't."
"Dad told me she died."
This was were things got hard. "He lied to you. She's alive and out of prison."
"Why didn't she come see me?"
Ah, she was smart and hit on what bothered me about the divorce decree. "Her parental rights were stripped by the court, Bella. And a restraining order was granted until you turned twenty-one. If she had tried to see you face-to-face, she would have been arrested."
Tears were pooling in Bella's eyes. "The letters?"
A tight smile formed on my lips. "Expressed her love for you and her desire to see you. The last number had a phone number in it."
"So, I can call her."
I shook my head. "It's the number for Palisade. She used to work there. Quit after you started."
"Wh-,wh-, why would she do that?"
Again, I didn't have an answer. Reaching up, I wiped away a tear and asked, "How old were you when you got hired?"
"Twenty-one. I was still in my ninety-day probation."
Well, there went that theory and Bella's obviously didn't recognize her mother. I shook my head. "Trying to figure out the actions of others is hard to do. I can't even begin to speculate."
Bella rested her head on my shoulder. "You really think my father was protecting me from her by not telling me."
Resting my head on hers, I smiled and rubbed her arm. "I don't have to think, sweetheart. I know he was as he told me himself. He also told me he regrets kicking you out."
BELLA
The way Edward was holding me, wrapped up in his arms, was almost too much to bear. But at the same time, I knew it was his way of telling me he wasn't going anywhere, and I was grateful. What he told me was hard to hear and it didn't matter that he read the letters addressed to me. I knew he did it out of love, out of protection. What I didn't understand was why my own father didn't tell me years ago when I asked him about my mother. All he ever told me was… I gasped recalling what he had said.
"Bells your mom she never took to being a mother. She's gone from your life and you never have to see her."
I had taken his words to mean she had died after she left my father and me. All further questions about my mother were ignored, even by Grandmother Swan. It hurt back then.
Edward telling me the truth spoke volumes. There was one thing I needed to know. "Why are you telling me?"
He kissed the top of my head. "Despite wanting to protect you, I don't want to do so with you blind to the reasons."
I didn't know how long we stayed this way, and had it not been for the doorbell, we might have stayed that way the rest of the night.
"Are we expecting anyone?" I asked, sliding off his lap.
Edward groaned, rubbing the back of his neck. "With everything that was on my mind, I forgot about my parents coming into town. Up to going out to dinner with them."
Casting a look down at what I was wearing, I shook my head. "Only if I can change into something more appropriate," I said as the doorbell chimed again.
~~~ Reaching for Love ~~~
Once in the sanctity of our bedroom, I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket. With a cleansing breath, I dialed my father, hoping he was home. He answered on the third ring.
"Hello," his said, gruff and tired.
I looked over at the clock. It was just half past six.
"Hey, Dad," I replied.
It was several heartbeats before he spoke. "Bells," he said, a little disbelieving.
With my cell pressed to my ear, I made my way to the closet. After a shopping spree with Alice and Rosalie, I have more clothes than I have ever had. "Yea, it's me."
"Are you okay?"
His question shocked me. With another cleansing breath, I said, "Honestly, no I'm not." Pausing a beat, I selected a coral pink pair of jeans and a long-sleeved gray top. "Edward filled me in on how you protected me from Mom."
Silence met me. I hit the speaker button on my cell as I waited for him to say something.
"I was too much a coward to tell you myself."
"Dad, you kept it from me in order to protect me." Placing my hands on my stomach, I went on, "I have done the same if I were in your place."
"No, Bells, I don't think you would." I heard a creak. "You would have been honest. It's in the past and all we can do is move forward."
Shimming into my jeans, I frowned. I had just bought them and they were a little snug. "In a way, you did tell me, just not in the way you would have liked."
I heard him make a sound like he was clearing his throat. "Still, it should have been me. You have a good husband."
A smile appeared. "It wasn't easy to hear, though. And I don't blame you, let's call it a catch twenty-two."
Turning, I found Edward in the closet, leaning against the wall as Dad laughed. "Anything you want, Bells."
Invite him to dinner, Edward mouthed.
"Dad, I know this is last minute, but Edward and I along with his parents are going out to dinner. Would you like to come with us?"
Dad spluttered. "You want me to join you for dinner," he said. Shock was evident in his voice.
"Yes," I said, simply.
After he asked where, I motioned to Edward as I finished getting ready.
