A/N: hello my loves! No I haven't died….well…only a little bit on the inside….emo tear
Yeah so spring break, at last, huzzah, party party party!
I'm sorry to just list excuses as to why I've been having trouble writing, but my life is kinda sorta falling apart right now, so some sympathy and love would be good.
Anyone remember that best friend I used to have? Well we haven't talked since January. I'm glad. She's horrible, now days I don't even know how we were even friends. She's just disgusting. The boyfriend she stole is dead to me as well. Yeah I deleted his number from my phone one morning on a whim…..it fellt gooooooodddd. grin
An now onto the most depressing news, 1. grandma died yesterday. I didn't really know her to well, but still I'm upset she's dead. I feel bad I didn't try and communicate with her more. 2. parents might be getting divorce…I don't really know if they are or not, but they've been talking about it since 6th grade, so again I'm upset but it's not really much of a shock anymore. 3. Now I really have to laugh at this one, despite how weird that is, but my parents aren't really talking to each other at the moment, and now we're all going away on spring break. Thas right….me, my mom, my dad, and my little brother are all going on spring break together. Despite impending divorce. It is possibly the strangest situation I've ever been in. and I do find it slightly humorous in a depressing ironic way.
So thas life….yupp…..slightly depressed about it. But luckily the viva la bam special is on tonight and I'm uber excited. Cause Bam and Ryan dunn are the ultimate gods of all sex. gringringrin especially dunn.
And now onto the chapter, this one is going to be dark, weird, and composed mostly of flashbacks. So please, everyone, put on your emo music.
As Draco and I walked to the front gates to meet our …unique group of guests, I felt an alien feeling slither down my spine. We walked out of our private rooms and into the huge garden of Eden. He crossed over the chocolate river, not even glancing twice at the room. I thought I'd gotten over its beauty, but I stopped for a moment and glanced around.
The sky was still a pale shade of Azure and the sun sparkled down, illuminating every blade of grass and flower. There was a soft, warm breeze, it was comforting…and yet…this feeling wouldn't leave, like a cold snake had coiled around my spine and it was just sitting there, flicking it's forked tongue at skin every few moments so I couldn't adjust to this new weight. I looked around again, desperately trying to find the source of my discomfort, hoping I'd see something out of place. But everything was perfect.
I followed after Draco's retreating form, even he looked perfect against Paradise he'd created. That was dumb. Of course he looked perfect here….this was his home, his element. I watched him for a moment, watched his long legs walk softly over the grass, watched his icy locks become slightly ruffled from the breeze. I love him.
But feeling still wouldn't go away. I shot a quick glance at the distant forest, it looked so small from here, but when I was in it…it seemed so much larger. My eyes widened suddenly and I realized with a start what had prompted this feeling. The rose garden.
"Draco!" I called.
He turned and shot me a questioning look.
"I forgot something, hold on a sec." I sprinted towards the forest, offering my blonde lover no explanation what so ever. Oh well, I wouldn't take long. I just needed to look at the Rose garden for a moment.
The trees quickly grew dense around me, and a few rays of sunlight shimmered through the tall branches. It was getting darker. I shoved my fears away and followed the winding path to the hidden garden and sighed with relief when it came into view at last. The weight coiled around my spine dissipated a little bit and my chest felt lighter. The air here was always so soft and warm, so easy to breath in. Sometimes I take breathing for granted, I know everyone does…but when I'm here each breath is lightly scented with fresh roses, each breath is a precious jewel to be treasured and relished.
I sat on the silver ledge of the fountain, rose petals were as always scattered on top of the water. I closed my eyes and listened to the breeze for a moment, the soft babble of the fountain, the sweet caress of the roses on the wind that would press against my skin.
Tilting my head back I opened my eyes and looked at the sky, "What's wrong?" I asked it softly, knowing it wouldn't respond. "Why this feeling?" The breeze whistled harder and my chest tightened. My throat started to constrict and suddenly it was getting harder to breath. A sudden stinging in my hands brought down to the silver fountain they rested on. The fountain was no longer soft, shimmering silver. It was a dirty shade of rust. "Oh god," I breathed, jumping off the fountain. I brought my hands in front of my eyes, they were bleeding.
I looked around frantically, the silver gates the roses climbed on were rusting, the water turned a murky shade of grey and the roses withered, turning a sickly shade of brown. The petal fell to the ground and cracked. It was like watching a world age a hundred years in the span of a few seconds….my paradise had turned to rust. "Wait stop! What are you doing!" I called.
It's time, something answered.
"Time for what!" I hissed. I looked back at my beautiful fountain…the water had gone stagnant and the flower petals in it were drowning and turning to brown, chalky dust.
The contract must be fulfilled…This paradise must disappear now.
The wind, I realized, the wind is speaking to me. "But I don't want it to go away…" I whispered meekly. "Why can't it stay?"
The breeze softened and a brown petal floated above my finger. I watched it, waiting for it to land softly on my finger. It fell onto my finger and turned to dust…shattered into nothingness. You are so young yet…You have not grown as he has.
"Draco?" I asked quietly, sitting down on the floor of the garden. It was covered with dry brittle leaves. I didn't even bother to wonder how'd they had gotten there. The answer was simple. My perfect spring was dying and turning to winter.
Once upon a time he would sit here and look at the roses, not envious of them, simply admiring them for being beautiful. He has always loved beautiful things. The wind whispered softly, curling around my hair and gently petting my cheek. He loves you.
"And what does that mean?" I sighed. "What does it mean for us."
It means you are in love with catastrophe and wedded to calamity.
"That good, huh?"
His eyes are haggard and dead, after he met you they lost their capacity to sparkle. You have always been the only one who could ever take that sparkle away…and the only one who could ever give it back.
"Well then," I mused, it was so fucking ironic…So overdramatic, so stupid. If I hurt Draco, then any sane person would stay away from him. If I was the one who took away the sparkle in his eyes then he should hate me. But he loves me. And I love him. What a fucked relationship. "I guess I should leave him alone and never come back."
But then he would never sparkle again!
"And he'd be freed from a clearly abusive relationship." I argued, my voice growing sharp. "No matter how perfect it can be sometimes…it's never worth the trauma. Relationships are never worth the abuse."
You have no choice, the stars have willed this love. You belong to him and he to you. Nothing can defy the stars.
"Maybe in another life time…in some other world, we could be together and make each other happy." I said softly to the wind. It sounded so distressed, I didn't want to hurt anybody else. I roughly wiped tears from the corners of my eyes and looked determinedly at the sky. "Something terrible is going to happen to us." I said quietly to it. "That's why I feel this way…Because it's going to happen again."
You remember…
"No…I remember feelings, I remember it being dark, that I was alone. I remember failing, I failed Draco and Myself." I felt my throat starting to tighten again, my head began to pound and my heart couldn't pump blood fast enough…I was going numb. What happened? What did I fail at? I clearly failed because if I had succeeded then I wouldn't have this foreboding feeling…this feeling that something terrible was going to happen to me and my one and only love in this cruel mortal world.
Someday you will succeed…or else you will meet again and again, and each time will end in tragedy. The stars have written your names together. It will not end until you succeed.
"What won't end?" I asked softly. The wind knew…this place knew. It knew there was something wrong going on, something evil within these walls.
You know…the dark hall.
My mind whipped back to that hall. In the entrance hall to the factory…there were those branching halls. I remembered the hall that seemed cloaked in shadow and how badly it had frightened Draco. So our destiny lay beyond those shadows…I know it seems inappropriate, but god how cliché. You'd think I could die by getting hit by a car or something…something normal.
But since when has my life ever been normal. Of course I'd die with my boyfriend in a creepy-ass dark tunnel. "Great…" I buried my face in my hands and mused my hair. "So what do I do?"
Love him…believe in him…you've always been smart.
"Aw shucks."
But you never seem to figure it out…figure out the one thing that needs to be done.
"Well maybe this time I'll do it right." I sighed and got to my feet. With a quick glance around the dead rose garden I took a deep breath and forced a smile. "Well thank you, wind. I guess I'll see you around." I turned and walked away, waiting for the wind to say something witty and provide some closure to the conversation. It blew softly on my back, warm and comforting. Sometimes I guess there are just some emotions that words can't encompass.
I walked out of the woods, stomach reeling, ready to blow chunks across the pretty green grass. But I didn't. I held my head up high and saw Draco standing at the edge of the room by the large doors. His eyes were glazed over, he was watching looking at the flecks of dust in the beams of light above us. A tiny frown played over his pretty face and it made me smile. He didn't look cold or distant and I wanted to hold him one last time.
He noticed me walking quickly towards him and I watched as his face changed. By now I could trace the subtle nuances in his eyes and label almost every emotion there. First his eyes light up, as if some imaginary light was shining through his skull, I watched his lips twitch into a smile. Then the light died, guilt came crashing down on him. Guilt about what would soon happen to us. Guilt over what he couldn't give me. Guilt for what I would never get to experience in life. And then the glare, the protective glare that said he'd bend the stars to change our fates.
I smiled weakly at him. I knew. I knew now. I met his eyes and something passed between icy blue and emerald. We told each other volumes from that one connection. He told me he was scared, he told me he was sorry. He told me he loved me. He told me that this was the end. And I told him I was scared too. I told him I wasn't sorry. I told him I loved him. "And what a beautiful end we'll make it." I said, my voice carried on the wind and I knew he heard me.
His face softened and a knowing smile played on his lips. Draco Malfoy outstretched his hand to me and I, Harry Potter, took it. And then, together, we walked hand in hand to our doom. The paradise behind us crumpled and as if struck by a pestilence began to wither and die. This was the end…the end of all things. And the part that stung most was how familiar this felt.
It was dark and cold…so cold. I shivered involuntarily and squeezed the cold hand that mine was wrapped in. He squeezed back and a fuzzy warmth flooded my heart. "Are you scared?" I asked softly, trying to break the claustrophic silence around us.
"…Promise you won't laugh."
"Pinky swear,"
"Yes."
I just held his hand tighter and smiled at him…even though I knew he couldn't see me. I hoped he knew that I was smiling. "I'm scared too, but it's okay cause we're together."
I think he was smiling too.
We walked on, I was hoping it would get light soon. The darkness was crushing and heavy, like a weight. "So…how are they gonna take your soul?"
"I think they have a machine…" He said sounding a little puzzled. "Ya know I haven't thought of that."
"Well I'm not letting them take it you know." I stated indignantly. "They can't take your soul."
"But my father…he promised them his soul in order for the company to flourish. And the company did flourish and my father got everything he ever wanted. But he never gave them his soul…he died last night." He laughed weakly, I knew it was a pained laugh and I walked a little closer to him.
"When I saw you, I was just on my way from the funeral to come the factory. But I saw you sitting there and I just knew that you were special." He said the last few words sheepishly, like he was confessing to me. A final confession…I sighed and began my own confession.
"I left the doll in the limo…see I thought she had really pretty eyes, but they were cold and dead. I wanted them to be alive…to smile at me. And then I saw you and um…I know this is gonna sound silly, but you reminded me of her. See you both have these really pretty eyes.
"When I looked at you, your eyes were dead like hers and I was kinda scared at first. But then when you smiled I felt so happy…your eyes were so alive, so warm, and I just felt really happy."
After our last confessions we walked in silence, but it was a comfortable warm silence. The only sound was our footsteps on the floor and our small breaths. I knew that if there was any light in here I'd be able to see the white puffs of my own breath. Suddenly I saw a light, it seemed small and distant but it was a light. We both started to walk faster towards it, hoping it was an escape.
And then that feeling coiled around us. It was heavy and it made my stomach flutter. It wasn't an escape…this light was the end.
Our footsteps slowed and we walked closer, our hands clutched tightly together. We were both scared, so deeply terrified. But we couldn't stop walking, we wouldn't. If this was the end then we'd face it together.
Finally we stood just in front of the frightening light, and I could see his face at last. It was haggard and drawn, god he looked so old. I smiled at him, and I could see his walls crumble a little bit. He smiled back, it was a weak smile, tinged with weariness and sorrow, but it was a smile never the less.
"Hey…I forgot to ask, but um…what's your name?" I asked sheepishly.
"Draco,"
"That's a cool name…I've never met anybody named Draco before…I'm Harry."
"Harry," He repeated, rolling my name on his tongue. "I like that name."
"So um…ready?" I nodded towards the light and watched his smile fade.
"I guess…listen Harry, you can still go." He turned his face away, waiting for rejection.
"I'm not going, I thought I told you that."
"Not even if I want you to?"
"Nope. You're stuck with me," I grinned impishly at him and I guess it was infectious cause he smiled again at me.
"That's not so bad…actually that sounds nice."
We took the final step together and I felt something tugging at my arms and my legs. Something was pulling my fingers from Draco's.
I gasped and looked over at him for help. He was struggling, holding my hand tighter. "Draco!"
"Just don't let go!"
I didn't, I put all the strength I had into keeping his hand in mine. I didn't want to be without those icy blues ever again…I couldn't imagine a world without his eyes. I felt some invisible force pry his fingers from mine and I fought against it.
"Harry…" He said softly. I looked up at him and saw a forced peace on his features. "I'm sorry."
"Shut up and fight Draco!"
"I can't…I'm so sorry Harry…but I'm tired."
"What are you talking about!" I yelled. I was so frustrated, I could feel him slipping away, I wanted him with me. I didn't want him to slip away.
"Can't you feel it?"
"…Feel what?" I asked, tears glistening in my eyes. I looked down at our hands and watched our fingers lowly slip away from each other.
"Nostalgia…we've been here before…"
"We're not going to the front door are we?" I asked quietly.
"Once again, Harry's genius shines through." Draco commented sarcastically, but it was missing the usual smirk, the usual warmth. It was weary and haggard, just like he was.
"We're going to the hallway again."
His silence was the only answer I needed. I looked down at our interlaced hands and my eyes started to water. I wanted to do more then hold his hand…I wanted to hold him, be there with him. But for now…in this lifetime, the closest I could get to him was through these hands.
As we walked I listened to him breath, soft breaths which I knew were warm but felt cold to me somehow. I could hear him breath, but it felt so far from me. He felt so far away. I could feel his fingers on mine, that contact seemed so close and real. He was so unreal…so far above mere mortals like me. "The god of my ideology…" I remarked quietly.
"When did you read Romeo and Juliet?"
"You had it on the coffee table once, and I know it's supposed to be the greatest romance of all time or whatever…"
He was silent, waiting to hear my thoughts, so I indulged him.
"It felt so unreal, I mean Romeo and Juliet. They knew each other for an hour before they decide to get married and stuff. It felt like some weird dream."
He smirked, "So I guess you don't remember?"
"Remember what," I snapped.
"Us. How we met."
"…You kidnapped me and then forced my into signing some weird ass papers. Yes Draco, I can totally see how that reminds you of Romeo and Juliet." I rolled my eyes. Sometimes he made no sense, absolutely no sense with his cryptic talk.
"Not that time you idiot. When we were little…I remember a doll…you found my doll in the snow."
My eyes widened, snapshots flooded my mind, memories of something that had happened years ago. But it was like the snapshots were frayed and burnt, I couldn't really make out the image but I understood the emotion they conveyed. I'd met Draco before…like the wind said. I'd met the man at my side many times before. "We went into the hallway together."
Now Draco was puzzled and he sighed, "But I still can't remember what happens once we get into the hallway, I know whatever happens is bad, but…I still can't remember it."
A/N: muahah cliffie. Yupp. I'm bad. Yeah so hope the chapter didn't weird you out to much, hopefully everything will clear up in the next chapter. So there's gonna be 2 more chapters as of now, and I promise I'll get them up soon. Reviews make me feel mucho happier, so review my lovlies.
