Hi everyone! This sentence is your official 'welcome to the chapter' thing! You may pat yourself on the back if you wish. Or don't if you don't want to. It's all about choice here.

On another note, I spent about £80 on Microsoft office when I replaced my broken laptop only to find out a few days later that my college had organised for all the students to be able to get it for free if they needed it. Fuck me right?

So as this is being written the last chapter is still in the new quality-control process so I have no idea if you lot actually enjoyed it. I hope you did. There was a big explosion so I assume most people liked it at least a little bit.

I suppose it doesn't matter too much now. Because right now is THE JOKE-PUN THING OF THE CHAPTER: One time I was playing support and I wanted to build a Locket but it was taking me Aegis.

I kinda hope there is one guy out there who really hates my jokes and sees that segment and just sighs. If my jokes are bad enough to make someone sigh then surely they must be great.

Logic man, how does it work?

Logic can go fuck itself and that is why the fluff-to-stuff ratio will be 30/70

And would you look at that, it's the chapter beginning.


Chapter 39: Demacian politics

Late afternoon (19:00):

After a long day spent doing things that made no sense and were not towards a specific goal myself and Shen reached the inn and both pretty much collapsed onto the chairs that were closest to the door. It was rather cool outside so I appreciated that the fire was flickering away nearby. There was a very distinct smell of drunk people and shame. It definitely felt like we missed the party when I managed to focus for long enough to realise that almost everything that could have been knocked over, had been.

I was about to go to sleep there when Shen spoke up:

"Hey Zoh, have you noticed our neighbours?"

With a bit of strain I turned to look around a bit then noticed that Ahri and Akali were sat around the table next to us, fast asleep.

"Hmm." I grunted before forcing myself to my feet, stepping over to Ahri and poking her in the arm. She didn't wake up so I pushed her a bit. She still didn't awaken so I got my axe out and threw it on the ground. It crashed and clattered against the stone floor. Immediately Ahri and Akali shot to their feet and then proceeded to stumble around for a second before falling back into their seats. It took a moment but eventually Ahri noticed I was standing next to her.

"Oh hey… Zoh… how's it been… you know…. How's it been…. What?"

"How drunk are you right now."

"Uhhh…" She mumbled before slowly pointing to a small pile of empty tankards next to the table.

"What used to be in those?"

"…. Akali?"

"There USED to be some fucking… liquid…"

"Right! That." Ahri agreed while looking back at me and poking my chest.

"That's not helpful."

"Uhhh... well if it helps… a liquid, is not a solid…"

"Or a gas!" Akali exclaimed.

I sneered at them both then turned and shouted to the bartender:

"What have these two been drinking?"

"Lager and some vodka."

I couldn't sigh harder if I tried.

"Alright then you two are going to sleep now."

"Nah we're super fucking… we're fine… at least a bit…" Ahri mumbled before Akali cut in:

"We're not going to the upstairs until you… you guys… yeah… oh right yeah you tell us what you did!"

"Yeah cause you two look worse than… mhmm!" Ahri exclaimed.

"We got into a rugby tournament. We won, but the ref did not care much about the rules in terms of bad tackling."

"Alright we surrender. Is it past twenty minutes?"

"Just stop talking. You make less sense with every sentence." I stated while picking Ahri up from her chair.

"Shen, go take Akali up to your room. Try to get her back to sleep then come back down here. No reason we should end our night this early."

Shen nodded to me then took Akali upstairs. I followed him up and as soon as I got into through the door to our room Ahri smushed her face against my chest.

"What are you doing?" I questioned while laying her down on our bed.

"I wanna do it. Come on…" She muttered while patting the bed.

"Hate to disappoint you but that is a bad idea."

"Why? I'm still awake and stuff."

"I hate giving you lectures like this but you can't give consent if you're drunk."

"Oh come on you and me are doing the… dating thing…"

"I can count the amount of fucks I give that on no hands." I concluded while giving her a kiss on the forehead. After tucking her in Ahri was pretty much asleep so I strolled out and switched off the light as I left. Shen was waiting for me in the corridor outside.

"I almost feel like we have not done as much as they have with this day."

"Almost certainly. They definitely got more wasted than we did and we organised quite a lot for them, all things considered."

"That is true. Though I am worried for the health of Akali's liver."

"We've done worse and it's always been alright before."

"Do you really believe that makes any difference?"

"Almost certainly not but it's good to keep a positive outlook on things. Plus, if something does bugger up I'm sure I can sort it out."

"Good. If she dies then I don't think I'll be able to find another girl who can put up with our bullshit."

The next morning (10:00 14th June):

I had no idea how long I had been up but it didn't really matter. The room was warm and I could smell bacon in the air so there was absolutely no reason in my mind why I should have gotten out of bed.

So I didn't.

For a while.

However, as all good things must, it ended. I felt the bed move and could hear Ahri crawling around until she was sat on top of me. She kissed me on the cheek so I took that to mean she wanted me to get up. When I opened my eyes Ahri was staring down at me with an innocent, non-seductive smile. For a moment I had an incredible urge to stare into her golden eyes. I felt like the kind of person I would normally refer to as a 'twat' for just looking into my girlfriend's eyes. At least I wasn't doing it in public.

After a few seconds Ahri got hold of my neck and kissed me on the lips. She very slowly pulled away then started moving her hands down my sides until they tugged my boxers. I stopped her just as she kissed me again. When Ahri pulled away again she gazed at me for a second before asking:

"I guess this means we have got to go do work? Or is it that you do not find me beautiful anymore?"

"We both know very well my answer to that question."

"Oh come on I'm just fucking with you." She giggled while stroking my face with one of her tails.

"You should have realised by now that I'm not good with stuff like that. A bit more blatant sarcasm on your part would help."

"I could do that… or I could continue to confuse you for my personal enjoyment."

A while later (11:30):

We approached the outer gates of Demacia just as the sun was reaching its highest point. The sky was mostly covered in clouds but some of it was clear enough to see the rich blue sky above. There was a very odd smell coming from the nearby farms which I couldn't quite tell if I liked or not.

All around us the countryside was covered in farms and forests that stretched over the horizon and probably much further. It was in a stark contrast to the honestly magnificent city ahead of us. The walls that surrounded it were huge and manned by soldiers with every kind of weapon you could think up. I'm almost certain I saw a man with a shoulder-mounted cannon patrolling atop it at one point. Behind the wall was a city of gold that had been built over a small mountain by the looks of it. The middle of the city was vastly higher up than the edges were and the buildings exaggerated that. Where the buildings in the middle climbed into the sky the buildings nearer the walls barely grew more than a few stories up. They never got taller than the walls but all still looked much nicer to live in than those found in other cities despite their small stature.

As we got within a dozen or so metres of the gates I noticed a few familiar faces sitting, and floating, around outside. Nocturne immediately rushed over to greet us:

"Greetings friends! You have no idea how happy I am to see you finally get here! Morgana insisted that you would be getting here at nine so we have been waiting for god-knows how long."

Morgana approached just behind him and added:

"He's just moody because I didn't let anything happen last night."

Ahri stared at me then back at them as Lissandra and Malzahar joined us:

"I didn't realise you two could do 'stuff'."

"We normally can but it's that time of the month for me so everything is pain right now."

"I'm glad I don't get that."

"One day you will and then you'll wish you didn't have a uterus."

Thankfully, Shen saved us all a lot of time by cutting to the point:

"So how have your talks progressed with the Demacian political leaders?"

"We've made a bit of progress. Lissandra managed to gain considerable favour with the military leaders after a few personal meetings with them."

I turned and stared at Lissandra quizzically, causing her to recoil in disgust:

"I would never! Those old men gross me the hell out."

"You're hundreds of years old."

"But I don't look it."

"Fair enough. So where should we start off once we get into the city?"

"Just go get Garen or Lux. They'll get you sorted while we go find a nice hotel."

We all said our goodbyes and waved then went on our separate ways. The guards at the gate let us through after a very short check to make sure we were not mass-murderers or anything. They obviously wanted to get us through to make way for the horse-driven carts carrying all sorts of goods. Once we were in the city we immediately started on our way to the Crownguard household. It had been a while but I mostly remember the way through the city. However, the strange layout of the city did confuse me enough to wish I could have just teleported us there. Unfortunately for all involved, the dense nature of the buildings in the city made that far too dangerous.

A short while later we reached the home of the Crownguard family. It was absurdly large. The place looked like a castle just with a lot more gold and blue stuff scattered around. I was slightly disappointed that there was not a moat and a drawbridge. On the other hand, that would probably have ruined the amazing gardens that surrounded it on all sides. There was a huge assortment of flowers that I didn't even realise existed up until that point. Fountains were dotted around that appeared to defy every law of physics and looked good doing it. Gardeners were working away happily and soldiers patrolled the grounds.

We got to the small gate and I pushed it open. Two guards were stationed by it but neither paid us much attention. Either we were expected or they were utterly terrible at their jobs. I didn't think on it long as my attention was taken away by the sight of Garen attending to some tulips with his full armour on and his sword fixed to his back. Ahri and the ninja's got distracted by something so when Garen noticed me we got talking one to one:

"Ah, hello there friend. It is good to see you."

"Hi Garen. How are the flowers doing?"

"Very well! Now that I am not longer in the meta I have found much more time to keep this garden healthy. How has the insurgency been going? I hear you blew up a mountain."

"We didn't do that. It's a long story so I won't go into it but outside of that minor setback everything is going well. The other groups are doing WAY more work than we are but I'm having fun so who gives a damn?"

"It is good to see that your spirits have not been dampened by this awkward situation. Know that you shall always have an ally in me so long as you uphold justice. So then, your friends briefed me on the progression of talks so far in this fair city. From what I can tell the only people that you need to win over to gain our support is the royal family. The easiest way to do that is to gain favour with Jarvan the Fourth. He is a good friend of mine so I will make sure he listens to you. Meaning all that you must do is convince him of your cause."

"I can do that."

"You may be able to. However, Jarvan does have a bit of a crush on Shyvana so winning over her first would almost assure Demacia's support."

"Oh yeah, I remember when those rumours were going around that said he had sex with Shyvana when she was in dragon form. That was an odd thing."

"As the Might of Demacia, I find such rumours incredibly offensive and utterly absurd. However… as a friend of the prince, I wouldn't be surprised if he was into that kinky stuff."

"Personally, I'd rather not think about it."

"Yeah I'm going to do that as well. So, do you want me to show you the way to Shyvana's residence or would you like a tour of my garden?"

"You know what, we might as take a tour. Last time me and Ahri were in Demacia we did not have much time to see the sights."

"Fantastic! Let's get started then. So over here are the tulips and petunias. They are coming along very nicely if I do say so myself. And over there are my various different roses…" Garen went on as we strolled all around the garden looking at the wide variety of different flowers and trees. They were all very impressive, a clear indication of just how low Garen's pick-rate was. As he showed me his collection of hybrid flowers I considered giving him a computer and a copy of World of Warcraft just to see what would happen. It didn't take long for me to realise that was a terrible idea.

After we made our way through a hedge-maze he had made we got back to the front of the house where Ahri, Akali and Shen were looking out over the city. The lunch rush was just starting to begin and the streets were slowly filling up with Demacian citizens looking for places to get something to eat. Ahri was utterly fascinated by the people below, gazing at them with a sparkle in her eye. I was about to ask her about her interest but Garen had a question for me:

"So then, now that I've shown you around my lovely garden would you like me to lead you to Shyvana's home?"

"Uh yeah but can I first just-"

"Stop right there. I know what you are going to say and what you wish to do. However why not listen to the advice of a friend first?" Garen declared while putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Alright. What have you got for me?"

"Suppose that Ahri were to have a deep interest with the hustle going on in the streets of Demacia. The logical end would be that she share it with her significant other in a special way because she would want him to also have that interest. That would be lovely, would it not? However, if her significant other found out about the interest early on, the only reason to come up with that special way of sharing her interest would dissipate in the blink of an eye."

"What you're saying is I should pretend I don't see that look so that at some point down the line she does something interesting with me to get me in on her interest?"

"Yes."

"That's not something I've tried before… could be interesting actually… you know what? I'm going to take that advice. Let's just hope she hasn't heard any of this."

"The last thing that she is focusing on right now is us two."

"Fair point." I agreed as Garen patted me on the shoulder.

"Now go get them and I will show you the way to Shyvana's house. It is not far so we won't be walking far."

I nodded then went up to Ahri and the ninjas before exclaiming:

"Come on guys we are going to Shyvana's house."

They all turned with the same confused face.

"She's close to Jarvan so we need her to help win his support."

A collective 'ohhhh' came from the three as they began remembering the various rumours. A face of disgust appeared on Akali's face before she said:

"I bet if you took a black light in there it'd look like a damn teenager's bedroom just after they found out how to disable parental locks on Google."

After a small walk through the relatively empty streets of upper-Demacia we got to a house much smaller than a lot of the other ones scattered around in the rich part of the city. It was about the size of a normal house and made of mostly wood. There was, however, a large, mostly empty garden behind it.

I went to knock on the door but realised I didn't have any gloves on so I pulled back and beckoned for Garen to do it.

"Oh come on now I don't believe that they would-" He stopped dead as his hand hit the door with a slight squelch.

Garen examined his glove which had a see-through liquid on it. He examined it then the door closely and gave a sigh of relief:

"It's alright everyone. Just wood varnish. We're fine."

He knocked on the door again and a few seconds later Shyvana opened it. I immediately had to look up as she was a tall women, at least six foot six. She had a very athletic build and slightly tanned skin. She was a red-head and her hair wasn't long enough to touch her shoulders. Shyvana had orange eyes that glowed slightly and strong, defined facial features that hadn't been broken or ruined by constantly fighting or turning into a dragon. Slightly to my surprise, she was wearing a yellow tank-top and black yoga shorts. Considerably more casual than anyone else I had seen in Demacia.

"Hello Garen, Shen, Akali, Ahri and… nope. Forgot your name. How's it going anyway?"

"I am very well fellow citizen! How have you been faring since we last met?"

"Not that bad actually. Some League guys came over yesterday asking if I could help them track down some rogue champions or something but that sounds SOOOOO boring. It's a bit weird though. Gotta wonder what they did to piss of the dudes up top."

"Actually that is why we are visiting you. My friends here are a few of the ones you would have been searching for if you agreed to assist yesterday. In this case, they are the good guys so we would greatly appreciate your assistance in swaying Jarvan the Fourth to our side. Would you like me to explain the situation in further detail?"

"Honestly Garen, I couldn't give a shit. I just want to get back to my lazy day. In fact, if you could just go take my tax forms down to the post office I'll have your back." She concluded before grabbing a letter from a table near the door and handing it to Garen. Shyvana waved then closed the door as Garen turned around to us. He sighed before mumbling:

"The hand-in date for this was a week ago."

There was a moment of silence before Shen put his hand on Akali's shoulder with a thump.

"We haven't done our taxes in months."

She looked over to him before exclaiming:

"Shit."

I turned to Ahri who was staring back with a bit of concern on her face.

"Don't worry Ahri, we're the main characters so we don't have to give a damn about taxes."

"Oh. Yay. Go us." She replied before we high-fived.

Behind me, Shen was struggling to think of a solution to his new-found problem. After a second of deep thought his eyes brightened up and he stated:

"I know exactly what must be done."

He teleported away then appeared again a few seconds later.

"And now, Kennen has something to do over his weekend."

A few hours later (16:10):

It had been a long since I had last stepped through the giant doors of the palace of Demacia. I remembered very little of the last time as I was thoroughly drunk and probably asleep half of the time. Despite that, I just barely recognised a few of the more prominent features. The ceiling was very high but not as far away as I thought it was before. The hallways were long and clear of obstacles but nowhere near as long as they were in my memory. Outside of that, everything was different or I just wasn't remembering correctly. The soldiers were not placed next to every door but instead were stationed at about five metre intervals along the walls. The light from outside shone in from the main door, bathing the already golden hallways and rooms in brilliant yellow light. There was a strong stench of air fresheners that was probably supposed to mask the smell of alcohol from the constant drinking that happened in the palace. It all looked like it should have been cold and uncomfortable but there was enough warmth from outside that it wasn't nearly as bad as I feared it would be when I first peered in.

Ahri and Akali had gone to do "girl things" and Shen had offered to assist so it was just me and Garen. We had waited around a while to give Shyvana a chance to sway Jarvan before we headed up the steps to the palace. Once we were through the main doors it was a short walk to Jarvan's room where Garen led me in without knocking. Apparently that was a mistake as the prince was taking selfies next to the window with a chunky slab of technology that Piltover called a phone. I was never impressed with their communication technology. I was much less impressed to see said technology being used in such a stupid way.

"Oh for fu-" I mumbled, being cut off by Jarvan as he fumbled to hide the phone in a wardrobe nearby.

"Bloody hell guys don't you knock?!"

"Apologies sir. We shall excuse ourselves and return later." Garen insisted while bowing his head.

"No, no do not bother. The lighting in here isn't right anyway." Jarvan commented while walking over to us.

"As you wish Jarvan. We have come to ask your assistance."

"Indeed, Shyvana gave me some vague details. How exactly would you like Demacia's help in taking on the League and why should we give it to you?" Jarvan asked me directly so I stepped forward and explained:

"Well the general idea here is that some dude has managed to get in charge of pretty much the whole League and is using it for profit above all else. He also tried to kill me and a few friends when we found this out and has been trying since. Hence the mountain. All we really need Demacia to do is recall any of your troops that are under the League's command and spread word of the current situation at the League among your major allies and towns. Then I, along with some friends, will go get Noxus' help and we can end this thing before it blows up any more mountains."

"Any evidence of this claim?"

I handed him the file on the head summoner. After a moment of reading a look of surprise emerged on his face.

"I know this man. He went to school with me…"

Jarvan looked up at me and smiled.

"I am fully willing to work hand-in-hand with Noxus if we can fuck this guy's day up."

Jarvan and I shook hands on it before he handed me back the file and sent myself and Garen on our way. We went back down the hall and out the doors into the glaring sunlight. I took my last chance and stared out across the city and the fields that surrounded it. Demacia was a beautiful city in an amazing spot on the planet. Everything was as picturesque as I remembered. Everything in the city was organised and clean while everything outside was random and colourful, as nature tended to be.

I didn't remember much of the details from when I was last there, probably due to the cloning shenanigans and alcohol, but I did recognise the stadium where the other me had died. An odd feeling came over me as I looked down at the place where a version of myself was murdered. It was not something the human brain had ever needed to comprehend. In a League match it was all fine and dandy getting slain in every lane and bit of jungle that existed but in the real world where champions are not meant to die there was something off about it.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Garen clearing his throat next to me.

"Is there something on your mind Garen?"

"I was just wondering, are you going Noxus right after you are done here?"

"Yes, I would assume so."

"Ah well uh…"

"Stop falling over your words and spit it out man."

"Would you mind if I joined you for this part of your quest? There is someone in Noxus who I would quite enjoy meeting up with."

"It's Katarina, isn't it?"

"What? No I would never…"

I stared him straight in the eyes and he knew that he could not fool me.

"Alright maybe but it's not what you think."

"Oh really? What is it then?"

"She is incredibly interesting to me. Everything about her actions makes it seem like she is a vile, hateful woman but when you actually meet her she seems normal. It doesn't make any sense."

"So you think getting to talk to her will shed some light on the subject?"

"Yes."

"Well alright then. Although if you tell me you didn't have sex with her when we leave Noxus I will spread the word that you are a liar."

"But that would not be a lie. All I want to do is talk to her."

"Yeah but I've seen your short conversations with her before. The amount of sexual tension there is honestly astounding."

"I'm not going to have sex with her. I just want to talk."

"Fine then. You can talk to her soon. We'll be leaving in a few days."

"What? Why not go immediately?"

"I want to see more of the city and we have to make sure that Jarvan manages to get his dad to help us. It would be really irritating if we got half way to Noxus to find out that the king decided not to follow the advice of his son and generals."

"If you insist. For now I suppose we should meet up with the others in your group."

"You know if that was half as easy as it sounds, it would still be thousands of times easier than it will be."

After at least an hour of searching all of the most likely places we were getting quite tired so we got some food from a fish and chips shop then sat down in a nearby park. We were there for a few minutes when Garen spotted the three strolling down a road. Shen was carrying bags full of who-knows-what and visibly struggling with them while Akali and Ahri seemed quite happy carrying the same amount of bags.

I waved at them for a few seconds before Akali noticed me and Garen. The three of them made their way to us with smiles on their faces.

When they were right in front of me and Garen we both stood up and stopped eating for a moment.

"Hey Guys. How did it go with Jarvan?" Akali questioned.

"About as well as I could have hoped for it to go. By the sounds of it, Jarvan knew the dude we want and doesn't very much like him."

"Fantastic. Good to see we weren't needed."

"It wasn't a five-man job. So anyway, what have you lot done while we were gone? 'Girly things' didn't explain much."

Shen dropped the bags that he was carrying at my question. The sound they made when they landed reminded me of metal clattering.

"I bought you this. All the components and materials you could ever want to make something cool."

"Oh, thank you very much Shen. That was very considerate of you."

"Well, one of us had to get something useful. These two got things that we will almost certainly not use at any point ever."

"That's a lie." Ahri retorted while dropping her stuff.

"I bought a crossbow. Is there any situation where a crossbow is not helpful?" She continued while picking it up out of a bag.

"But, none of us know how to use a crossbow." I replied while she loaded it.

"It's just like a gun and I know how to use one of those."

"It's not like a gun."

"It's got a trigger on it. But just look at it. This thing is probably better than a gun."

"Alright then let's compare:" I began before pulling out a Glock and placing it on top of the crossbow before Ahri could react.

"Yeah if I can do that as someone who doesn't like using guns and isn't very good with them, a normal person with a gun could have shot that crossbow out of your hands by now. Guns are better."

"Alright then fuck it, that was a vanity purchase anyway. I got clothes and they are useful for warmth and all that so I'm going to say that we have been productive."

"Whatever you say honey." I replied while taking the gun back. At no point had I ever actually used that gun but it was good for proving a point.

Ahri put the crossbow back in its bag then pulled out a pair of pink, fluffy handcuffs.

"Do you guys reckon I could get Zoh into these?" She giggled while everyone else agreed that she probably could.

"There is not a chance in hell you are ever going to put those on me while I am still breathing."

I blinked and in that time Ahri managed to dash around me and get my wrists in the cuffs behind my back.

"What were you saying Zoh?" She asked with a smile that made everything worse. The rest of them were laughing like little children and at no point before in my life had I wanted to use that gun more.

"You just lost however much these cost." I replied while punching my back pocket which held my armour button. The handcuffs were instantly broken into many pieces and I was standing there in my full armour, banner and all.

"Actually I used your credit card so you just lost two hundred gold."

That renewed the laugher and all I could do about it was cover my helmet with my hands.

"Is there anything else I should know about? You know, just so we can continue this 'everyone laugh at the misfortune of Zoh' session."

"No, your fine. The only thing that can make this situation worse is you. Now get out of that armour, people are looking worried."

I dropped my hands down and pressed the button. When my armour was fully gone Ahri handed me a few bags of stuff then held my free hand in hers.

"Come on, let's go find something interesting to do." Ahri ordered while pulling me along. I assumed by 'interesting' she meant something that only her and Akali would enjoy.

Immediately the two women began brainstorming ideas that all sounded like they would lead to me and Shen getting hurt or having to do very difficult things for their amusement. When I looked to Garen for help he whispered:

"I shall let you two deal with this. I shall go inspect the wall guards. Yes. That is a valid excuse."

He was gone long before I could beg for help. I turned back around apprehensively to find that the ladies had agreed on what we would be doing next. It was archery. Shen and I were the targets.

Half an hour later (18:00):

The evening sky was slowly getting darker and darker as the sun fell away. The streetlights were turning on all around and the lights in people's houses were beginning to be brought on one by one. People were just starting to return to their homes after the long day of working while others were already heading out for a night of drinking. There was never much noise in Demacia. Whether it was because the people didn't talk as much or because the city did not have many factories, I did not care to know. What little noise I noise I could hear came from the small radio on the other end of the archery range, playing one of DJ Sona's new songs.

I would have enjoying it a lot more if I was not about to be shot at by bow wielded by someone who barely knew what a bow was. Luckily I did have a large target strapped to me which covered most of my body and a full-face helmet to protect the important stuff but my lower legs and arms were very much in the danger zone.

"Zoh stop moving I'm trying to hit you!"

"I'm not moving!"

"Yes you are I can see it!"

"You're twenty metres away and I'm right here and I can tell you that I am not moving! Now can you please just take the damn shot!?"

"Fine but if I hit your foot cause you keep moving it's on you!" Ahri shouted before pulling back on the string then letting it loose. I felt the arrow impact on target, a huge relief for me.

While Ahri reloaded I turned to the range instructor who was watching from the side-line and asked:

"Doesn't this seem a bit… dangerous to you?"

"Hell yeah. It's so dangerous only stupid people or drunk people would do it. Why do you think we are open all night?" He replied in a thick Aussie accent.

"Do you really get a lot of people doing this?"

"We get tons mate. You'd be surprised how many people think this is a good idea when they've got a few drinks down them."

I felt another arrow strike my target a bit lower down than the last.

"Lucky for you, those fine ladies down there haven't had much yet. A bit disappointing really. I'd love to see what alcohol does to a ninja."

"It's really funny when she's awake."

"Aww mate now I feel like I'm proper missing out. Can't you do me a solid and buy them some lager or something?"

"Can't you do it?"

"Naw, company policy. If I bought them drinks I'd have to do the same for every customer. Come on buddy they pay you champs tons."

"I'm technically not a champion anymore so they don't pay me."

"Yeah but who gives a shit? You lot get paid twice what a normal person gets and all you lot gotta do is get killed every once in a while."

"Fine. Come over here, I'll give you some money."

"You're a legend mate." He declared as I got hit by another arrow, closer to the middle of the target this time. The range instructor jogged over to me and I handed him enough money to pay for whatever drinks Ahri and Akali could possibly want.

The Aussie looked over to the women and shouted:

"What kind of internal-organ destroying liquids do you two want!?"

After a second of whispering between them Ahri shouted back:

"I'll just have a glass of beer and Akali will have some whiskey."

"Doesn't beer seem a bit weak to you lass?"

"No. I'm going to get some of that later and I'd prefer to remember it." She shouted in reply while pointing at me.

"As long as I don't shoot his balls off, that is." She added while taking another shot that hit the bit of the target right in front of my privates.

The range instructor poked my arm and muttered:

"You're a very lucky man mate. Just keep your hands over your bollocks and you'll survive long enough. She only has twenty-odd shots left."

I let out a frustrated sigh then moved my hands to protect my manhood. On the bright side; I was not Shen. Akali was known by most to be a very, very bad shot with a bow. That was demonstrated perfectly when an arrow embedded itself into his wrist guard.

Later that night (23:00):

It had been a long night by the time myself and Ahri reached our residence for the night. Garen had recommended this place to us, saying that it was "just far enough to not hear the drunkards". By the look of it from outside, I felt that his praise was well earned. It was a hotel but instead of tower blocks full of rooms each room was its own flat with a garden and everything else you would expect. The flat itself was not dissimilar to an average Demacian home. It had a slanted, tiled roof with a wooden frame and bricks painted white filling in the gaps. The front of the house had two windows, though the blinds were drawn, along with a wooden door in the centre and Demacian standards hanging down beside said door.

Shen and Akali had already entered their flat next to ours by the time I was opening the gate in front of our garden. Me and Ahri strolled up to the door then she pulled out a card and swiped it over a mechanism, opening the door with a 'beep'. It was nice to step into the warm and out of the chilly Demacian night.

The inside of the flat was best described as 'cosy'. The floor was covered all over by a red carpet and the walls were as white as snow. The doorframes were all red and so was the sofa. We were in a small corridor with a living room ahead of us and two doors, one on each side of the hall, which respectively led to a kitchen and a bathroom. After some snooping I found that there was a door in the living room which went into the bedroom. The bedroom had the same colour scheme as everything else along with much the same style of ornaments, those being Demacian standards and various trinkets of Demacian culture. Ahri was very obviously trying to inspect all of the items so I gave her a kiss then whispered:

"I'm going to go close the gate."

I went over the door, opened it then stepped outside. When I went to close the gate I heard a strange noise so I turned to its source to find that Shen and Akali's flat was completely ablaze.

"Oh shit!" I shouted while getting into my armour. There was little I could do except break the whole thing down until I found them. Before I could move an inch I heard a voice coming from the darkness on my right:

"I've had quite enough of your meddling."

I turned my head and managed to get a glimpse of the head summoner standing there with a ball of magic in his hands just before every single inch of my body began hurting. It took a second for me to realise that strands of electricity were wrapped around me. I fell to my hands and knees under the excruciating pain. It felt like every single muscle in my body was contracting and releasing then contracting all over again while being burned from the inside. Out of the peripheral of my vision I saw the fires were starting to consume my flat as well. With Ahri still inside.

No matter how hard I tried I could not stand. My body was giving up.

When I saw the summoner standing over me I prepared for it to all be over as he taunted me:

"When you want something done right you have to do it yourself."

Just as he conjured up another round of electricity the sound of shouting rang out into the night and he fled immediately. The last thing I saw was a Demacian soldier kicking down the door to my flat. Then darkness.


I won't ruin the tension by talking too much so I'll just say that I hope you all enjoyed reading the chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

(Also this doesn't mean we're returning to normal release schedule, I just had a lot more spare time than usual this week).

Goodbye.

Note from Alpha reader/editor Anthropomancy: I do not consent to these super long cliff hangers. Oh, and now, for a somewhat official disclaimer.

All of these characters above are owned by Riot, a gaming company which made the game "League of Legends", except for, but not limited to Zoh, Zoh's mother and New Head-Summoner. This story does not contain any true events from future lore, and any matches are purely coincidental. All characters, if not specifically stated, are 18 or older. We do not earn any profit for making this fan fiction nor do we seek it. You must be 18 or older to read, and this is purely for entertainment purposes.

With all that said, I don't even care if Riot decides to take all of the characters from the story because if I just help to make something that touched millions of people worldwide, then I felt as if I did something, even if it's just a video game.

(I don't speak for the actual author; I'm just a random alpha reader dude.)

(Hey it's the writer dude again, I agree with that ^ guy)