Alright so, in case you didn't realise, that last one was an April fool's joke. Zoh is not dead. The series is not over. It's all fine.

So anyway, welcome back to the new chapter. I hope you've all had a wonderful time since the last chapter cause I know I probably will have (this is being written days after the release of the last one so I don't know if I've had a good time in-between yet).

And… SUDDEN PUN OF THE CHAPTER WOO YAY FUN TIMES: Why did Sivir become a mercenary? Because her father rated her art work azir-o out of ten.

Yeah that just happened, Boom.

So I have bugger all else to talk about so let's just get on with the fun stuff.

This shall be about 40% stuff that don't matter and 60% stuff that do.


Chapter 40: Scars

Morning (10:50 15th June):

Everything was noticeably darker than it normally was when I opened my eyes. My nose hurt as did my chest. Shortly after, I realised I was on the floor.

I just about managed to push myself up far enough to sit down. The room around me was almost completely white and there was a hospital bed next to me. There was an open window on one wall that flooded the room with a constant stream of glaring sunlight. Other than that the room contained some medical equipment and scanners. No-one else was there so I got up by myself despite the pins and needles in my feet and legs. I realised it was a bit chilly at about the same time I realised I was in nothing but boxers. There was a surgery robe on the floor where I had been laying but my legs still felt dodgy so I didn't try to get it.

There were also two large scars on my chest that stretched diagonally from my shoulder to my thigh.

"That's new." I mumbled just before the door behind me flew open. Ahri was standing there staring daggers at me.

"You son of a bitch I thought you died!" Ahri shouted with tears welling in her eyes just before she hugged me.

I, slightly confused, looked around then noticed that there was a heart monitor next to the bed with a reading of '0' on it. Apparently, they set to zero if the lead is no longer attached to someone.

"Oh, right. I think I might have fallen out of bed." I replied while hugging back. Very slowly my memories were coming back and I began to understand why I was in a hospital room.

Then I pieced it all together.

"Where are Shen and Akali?"

"They made it out. The summoner was blocking Shen from teleporting out but once he ran Shen managed to get them both out."

"Are you hurt at all?"

"No. I got out before the fire blocked the door."

I held Ahri closer to me and felt my worry slip away.

"You really need to stop scaring me like this." Ahri sighed while letting go of me.

"It might not seem like it, but I do try to stay alive." I joked while sitting on the end of the hospital bed. Ahri sat down next to me so I put my arm around her back.

"So then, did the summoner get away?"

"Yep. Who'd have thought some random Demacian soldiers wouldn't be able to keep up with a magical guy."

"Well, feels like all we have got out of this are these scars and an overnight stay at a hospital."

"Yeah that about sums it up. So, are you going to keep those or get rid of them?" Ahri asked while running one of her tails down the length of my wounds.

"I don't know. Chicks dig scars right?"

Ahri looked me right in the eyes and shook her head.

"Fine, I'll sort them out. I'm pretty sure my medic armour can sort it out just fine."

"It better can. After seeing what they looked like just after the attack I can't look at them without feeling ill."

"Glad I was nearly dead at the time, seems gross. So, what have you been doing while I've been sleeping?"

"Oh not much really, nothing you'd find interesting. I was just outside getting some water when the alarm for your room started going mad."

"Nice. So I should probably get dressed then we can go do stuff. And we don't even have to pay anything cause this is Demacia and we have universal healthcare. Like smart people."

"You see, the thing is, your clothes did not do as well as you did. So, we got you some new clothes." Ahri explained while getting up and walking around the bed. She picked up a suit from a chair that was next to the bed. The suit itself was pretty much exactly the same as the other one that had apparently been destroyed.

After a few seconds I was dressed and found that the suit fit me perfectly.

"Ahri, how did you get the measurements for this?"

"Really now Zoh, I know every inch of your body better than you do."

"Fair enough." I conceded while getting all of my stuff. There was one button that I didn't recognise but I pressed it anyway and instantly I regretted that decision. Apparently, it turned gravity upside down for the person who presses it.

"Zoh, why are you on the ceiling?"

"Mistakes were made."

I pressed it again and fell to the ground as ungracefully as I could. After picking myself up I put that button in my back pocket.

"I don't know why I own that button. It doesn't really serve a purpose but I'm sure it'll become a plot point eventually."

"There goes the fourth wall. You must have recovered." Ahri declared before stepping forward and kissing me. I held her hips as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

After a second she pulled away and stared me in the eyes.

"I really, really wish we could do it right here but that door doesn't have a lock."

"That's never stopped you before."

"Those times we weren't in a hospital. If the nurses don't see me in a few minutes they might suspect something."

"I suppose. This is one of THE generic porn setups."

Ahri raised an eyebrow to me as a smile appeared on her lips.

"Or so I've heard."

Her smile widened.

"I've explained this to you absurd amounts of times by now so if you don't believe me there's nothing I can say to convince you."

Ahri gave me a short kiss on the lips then replied:

"All I will say is that if you still watch it now then I need to work a bit harder."

"I'm willing to bet everything I own that you would be up for sex at any point in the day. I could wake you up at two in the morning and get sex right then and there."

"What can I say? It's fun and good exercise."

Ahri pulled her arms back from behind my neck then gave me a light slap on the butt.

"Come on, let's go."

"To where?"

"Shen and Akali went out for breakfast already so we have to go over to them."

"Okay. Lead the way."

Ahri walked me out of the hospital. I waved goodbye to the front desk as we went out of the front door and into the sunlight. In front of me was a giant roundabout with a fountain in the centre and lush grass covering the rest. Above us the sky was almost completely clear, save for a cloud front that was lazily receding behind a small mountain ridge far off in the distance. It was a chilly morning and there was a slight breeze coming from down the street. I could smell the flowers being sold by a very loud man at a stall a few metres away.

Honestly, I could barely understand what he was shouting because of an incredibly thick accent from who-knows-where.

As Ahri led me through the streets I got a general idea of where we were. When we were at Garen's house I saw the hospital down in the lower part of the city. It was very distinctive in being bright white all over except for the giant red cross atop the building.

Sometime later we got into an older part of the city and soon enough Ahri stopped outside of a long-since abandoned fort.

"Uhh, I don't think they would get food here."

"You'll understand soon." She replied while stepping through the large doorway. I knew Shen and Akali were not going to be inside but I followed anyway. The inside was all made up of cobbled stones, with the occasional bit of metal where a candle-holder or a chandelier used to be. It was all mostly intact but there was a lot of moss around and plants were growing through the floor. The main room was large, flat and almost completely empty. It had been stripped of anything and everything that could be useful. Some pillars held up the roof but it didn't seem like it would take much to knock the whole place down, probably why nobody else was exploring around inside.

I didn't have long to look around the main room as Ahri pulled me down a spiral staircase on the side of the room. The bottom of the stairs went into a dark room only lit by a few holes in the ceiling. The room itself was about the same size as the one above except it had some practice dummies and weapon racks scattered around which had not been scavenged. My foxy lady brought me to a small, reinforced door on one of the walls which had damage from where people had attempted to break in.

She turned to me and cleared her throat then began:

"So, I lied. Shen and Akali are playing bumper carts right now. We will join them later but first I've got to show you this:"

Ahri pulled an old, rusty key from pockets that I didn't realise she had. After a short struggle she managed to get the key to go into the lock properly. With a bit more effort she pushed open the door. Behind it was a small room with a table in the middle and some candles scattered around to light it up. Some rugs had been spread around the floor and I could just about see a huge vault door that took up almost all of the space on one of the walls. Surprisingly, in a nice way, someone had taken the time to clean away all of the moss and rubble.

I followed Ahri in and then took a seat at the table when she beckoned me to. She sat down opposite to me and at that point I was too confused to stay quiet any longer:

"If you don't mind me asking, why are we here?"

"Alright I'll come clean with you, I've not been sitting around next to you at hospital all this time while you were out. I know you would for me but let's be honest here, you were always going to be fine. With that in mind, I did a bit of research and found out about this place and a bunch of other Demacian history. I decided to come here because it's close to the hospital and I found out that this little room had both not been salvaged and had a vault inside. The only problem was it was locked. But guess what? I found the key a few miles from here. Once I was inside I thought it'd be a nice place for us to have breakfast."

"Aren't you curious about what's in that vault?"

"No, because I know what's inside. All I need is for you to open it, hence why we're going to have breakfast first."

A waiter in a suit walked in and placed down a plate full of food for me and another for Ahri. He then immediately left.

"Okay… I don't get how those two points are connected though." I confessed before eating some bacon.

"How else am I going to get you to open it?"

"You don't need to bribe me with food to open something for you."

"Oh sure, I bet if I didn't get food you would ask what's in it for you."

"Normally I would. But I'm in a good mood so I'll do it for free." I concluded while standing up and getting into my armour. I went over to the vault door and inspected it. The door on its own was taller than me, circular and made of steel. In the centre were a combination lock and two handles to pull it.

"Do you need a minute to build something to get inside?" Ahri queried while putting her eye up to the combination lock.

"Nah." I replied while pushing her back from the door. I then gripped the handles and pulled the door out.

"Holy shit this thing is heavier than I thought." I added while hauling it over to the corner of the room. I set it down then went back to the opening where it had been.

"That was a lot simpler than I thought it would be." Ahri admitted while peering inside.

"Please Ahri, I would be worried if that didn't work. My armour is helpful for more than just fighting. Now then, are you going to tell me what's inside there cause I can't see bugger all."

"You have lights don't you?"

I turned on the floodlights fitter to my shoulders and immediately the vault was as bright as the streets outside. The entire inside was steel and sets of regal-looking plate armour were placed on poles next to all of the walls. In the centre of the room there was a solid gold coffin with carvings on its sides depicting battles. There was a carving on the top of a person much the same as Ahri. It was a woman with nine tails and 2 fox ears on the top of her head.

Ahri went up to the coffin and put her hands on the carving of the woman. I pulled my helmet off and then went to stand on the other side of the coffin to Ahri.

"She looks familiar." I joked while kneeling down to get a better look.

"Zoh, she is the only other one of my kind in recorded history. Her name was Na-Hitum. Before you ask, I have no idea how to properly pronounce that."

"What makes this 'Na-Hitum' so special that she gets a solid gold coffin?"

"I couldn't find much on the details but apparently she seduced two kings at the same time. When they found out, a war started."

"They had a war over her?"

"Yeah. And it was a big one. This was a few thousand years ago so there's not much about it, but what I did find out was that one of the kingdoms was completely destroyed. Our buddy here went to the winner and they had about five years of happiness before she died of an unknown disease."

"Do you think it's a disease specific to people like you?"

"Well I have been feeling rather ill lately."

I stared up at Ahri who held a serious face for a second before breaking into a smile.

"I'm just kidding. She got AIDs."

"Well that is unfortunate."

"Yup. That's why they put her in this place. They didn't know what it was so they kept her away from everyone with many inches of steel and some sets of armour that were supposed to defend her in the afterlife."

"Right… seems a bit excessive."

"I'd probably react similarly if someone came down with a mystery illness that had no cure."

"I wouldn't. I'd just find a cure."

"You're you though. Anyway, want to hear an interesting fact I found out about this place?"

"Fine."

"This vault predates Demacia. It was discovered when the city was only a few years old and they haven't been able to get inside in all this time. Eventually they just gave up and built this fort around it."

"How did you find out how to get in here then?"

"Because the books on it were SO dull. I think I'm the only one who's been bothered to read through them in a few hundred years."

"Back on my planet people got so annoyed with historians writing books badly that they made a law which mandated that all historians have to make TL;DR's for their books. I have no idea why they were all so bad, it didn't make much sense."

"I wouldn't be opposed to something similar here. But anyway, we should probably get out of here now. Don't want her to start haunting us or anything for disturbing the coffin."

"I've never been haunted before. I don't particularly want to start now." I admitted while putting on my helmet. We both left the vault and I was just about to take off my armour when a question came to mind:

"Ahri, do you want me to put the door back on? If we leave it off and tell someone you could become a renowned historian for this."

"I didn't do this for recognition. I just wanted something that we could do together. Plus, if everyone knew that there was another person like me centuries ago I wouldn't look as unique."

"Well then, I better put the door back on. Everyone loves to feel special." I noted before picking up the vault door and sliding it back into its place. Once that was done I got out of my armour and sat back down at the table. Ahri got back into her seat opposite me and we both began eating.

A few hours later (14:00):

After we finished our food myself and Ahri had met up with Shen, Akali and Garen then went to the palace. It all went as planned and we had Demacia's full support in purging the corruption of the League. Once all of our goodbyes were said we left for Noxus.

After a few minutes we were far enough from the city for me to get a chance to turn and look at it all. It was a glorious city and I didn't really want to leave it for Noxus but we had to. To add to our misfortunes, we would have to go through the Howling Marsh to get to Noxus. There was a quicker route but we would have had to go straight past the League building. A bad idea.

The only other way we could have gotten to Noxus would have been to teleport there. Unfortunately, none of us thought of that at the time.

As our surroundings began to grow more and more decrepit and gross the road began to slowly become broken and overgrown until it was little more than a mud path. Thankfully we had Shen navigating us.

"Who made this map?" He exclaimed while turning the map around to make sense of it.

"I did." I replied.

"Well it's terrible and you should feel bad for making it."

"What wrong with it?"

"This road is not on it."

"Shen, the map is literally a picture from space. It's on there somewhere."

"No it's not. Look:" He stated while stopping and holding the map out for me to take.

I took the map from his hands and stared at it for a second before pointing at the road we were on.

"It's there."

"That's not a road, that's a muddy path!"

"We're not on a road! We're on a muddy path!"

"Well it should be labelled better!"

Akali pulled the map from my hands with a 'huff'.

"Stop squabbling! You're acting like teenagers!"

I spun on my heels to face her and pointed up while replying:

"In my defence, I'm only twenty. It's already accepted by society that I'm supposed to be an arsehole. Shen is twenty five so he should be slapping me while telling me to grow up."

Seconds later Garen grabbed my shoulder to turn me around then back-handed me across my cheek.

"Alright I deserved that."

"Are you going to stop yelling now?" Garen asked while holding his hand ready in case I hadn't got the idea.

"Yeah I'm fine, it's just maps man, god damn. I hate maps."

"We all do." He sighed while taking his hand off my shoulder.

I looked around to make sure everyone had calmed down and noticed that Ahri was facing away from me and looking at something in her hands.

"Hey Ahri, what're you looking at?"

She twirled around and smiled at me while holding up a little machine.

"Oh nothing, just this GPS thing you made ages ago."

"… Seriously, where do you keep this stuff? Do you have pockets?"

"I can't tell you that. It's a secret only women know."

I put on a frown while stepping over to Ahri and putting my hands on her shoulders. I put my face as close to hers as I could get while staring intently into her eyes.

"Is it your tits Ahri? Do you hide this stuff in-between your boobs?"

"I'll never tell."

We both glared at each other for a few seconds before I pulled my face away, let go of her shoulders and took a step backwards. All the while my gaze never faltered.

"I'll find out one day. One day."

There was another moment of glaring before Shen coughed and spoke up from next to me:

"Shall we move on now? I believe there is a town a few hundred metres further down this road."

"How do you know?"

"There's a sign." He replied while pointing at a wooden sign with the message 'There's probably a town a few hundred metres down this road'.

"I like whoever made that sign. They seem like a good person."

We started moving along the muddy road once more. Not many people were on the road and those that were travelled via horses and carts, most likely taking farm products to Demacia or the League. The area around us began getting swampier as we got further away from Demacia. The ground became sludgy and eventually I put on my armour to not ruin my suit. Soon after that, Ahri was riding on my shoulders. The trees around us turned from bright, vibrant Oak to grimy, shadowed Weeping Willows. The lakes and rivers around us were either so filthy it was difficult to tell them apart from the mud or filled to the brim with algae. Everything was disgusting and dark with the exception of the beautiful, ocean blue sky.

It wasn't long before we reached the town mentioned on the sign. From the look of it, the place was as miserable as its surroundings. The buildings were all made of dark wood with very few windows and thatch roofs. There were about seven houses along with a small windmill, all surrounding a well. Most of the people were working on the farms at the time but I could some movement from inside the houses.

Just as we were about to pass it by I saw some summoners and one of the townsfolk coming out from behind one of the houses. In an instant we were all hiding behind one of the other houses. I let Ahri down from my shoulders then peeked around the corner of the house.

Ahri POV

Zoh pulled his head back and took off his helmet before whispering:

"I can't hear. Ahri, do you think you can tell what they're saying?"

"Probably, get behind me."

Zoh shuffled around me then I got low and looked around the corner of the building. Two summoners were standing behind a villager and one was in front of him. The one in front was having a chat with the villager:

"…with all that. Anyway, we heard that your town doesn't have anything to watch League matches on. After learning that, the boss decided you probably should. What I was thinking was you could have a big, circular… thing, here where this well is. I mean, who really needs a well these days? So, we got a deal?"

"We don't want none of-"

"Alright nice doing business with you. Guys, knock the well down then put up our big, circular thing!"

One of the summoners behind the villager used a bit of magic to knock the well down into a pile of rubble. He then created a metal post about as high as the average person with a circular screen that went all around the top of it.

"Nice! That looks good. I have good ideas. Now then, buddy, let's talk cost. Do you happen to have five thousand gold on you?"

"Five thousand?! It would take us months to come up with that kind of money!"

"So… what you're saying is that you don't have our money. That is unfortunate. Hold on a second."

The summoner stepped away and pulled out a phone before putting it to his ear.

"Hey Sherry, put me through to the boss would you? Thanks honey… hey! Dude! How's it going? Ah, that's great. Anyway, I got a guy here who we've just given a big ass circular League viewer thing and apparently he doesn't have the money to pay for it. How do you think we could make things a bit easier for him while he gets the money to pay us? Does he have a what?" A second later the summoner looked back to the villager and asked:

"Do you have a daughter or something?"

The villager stared at the summoner for a few seconds without saying anything. The summoner looked sighed then spoke into the phone:

"Alright thanks boss. We'll sort this out."

He put the phone away then pointed at the two other summoners:

"You two search the houses. Find his daughter and bring her here. We're taking her on a trip to the League."

The villager dropped down on his knees and began pleading:

"No! Please don't take my daughter! I'll give you anything just don't take away my family!"

"If that was true then you'd have given us the money by now."

"I can sell the house! We'll come up with the money!"

"Oh I'm sure you will. Until that point however, we need something to make sure you don't run away on us."

A second later the other two summoners burst out of one of the houses. One of them was dragging a girl by her hair. She looked around fifteen to me.

They took her to the other summoner then threw her onto the mud at his feet. He got down on a knee and pulled her head up to look at him.

"Listen honey, your dad isn't being a very good person right now. He's not paying what he should be paying so we're going to take you back to the League with us. I suggest you go convince him to work real hard because until he pays us you're not coming home."

The girl got up and ran to her father who hugged her before asking:

"What is going to happen to her?"

"Fuck if I know. Although, we do have a lot of sexually frustrated young summoners around these days…"

I turned around to Zoh and put my hand on his shoulder-guard.

"We're going to have to kill these guys. Really, properly destroy them."

"Can do." He replied while putting his helmet on and drawing his axe. I stepped out from behind the building and threw my orb straight at the face of the summoner who had been talking. He noticed it just in time and ducked out of the way. Within an instant he was throwing a large ball of fire in my general direction. It moved slowly enough for me to dash to the side and avoid it completely. What I did not expect was for another to be heading in my direction as soon as I stopped moving. Thankfully Shen got in-between me and it, blocking the fire with his magic shield. I took the opportunity to jump onto Shen's shoulders then vault myself off him. On my way to the ground I punched the summoner in the face. He fell onto his back as I prepared to throw my orb at him. Before I could a wave of water crashed through the village, knocking everyone off their feet. I got smashed against a door then fell onto the dirt when the water disappeared.

When I got to my feet I saw one of the summoners who hadn't spoken about to launch a bunch of large boulders at Garen, in one dash I was right next to the summoner and I managed to roundhouse kick him. The rocks fell from the air, one of them landing on him.

I turned around just in time to see the summoner who had dragged the girl from her house casting something. I found out what when the ground began shaking. Fault lines appeared on the ground and the whole village was set to collapse into the planet when a kama got lodged in the summoners side. The ground steadied and I watched as the summoner became a blur of metal and blood. After a moment all that was left was some gore on the ground and Akali.

The last summoner left was already done with his spell by the time we all turned out attention to him. All of a sudden I felt considerably lighter and it took only a moment for everything not secured down to be floating in the air. And just like that we were all smashed back to earth. Then into the air again, and back down.

He was about to do the same again when Zoh managed to grab him by the neck. The summoner was promptly choke-slammed into the dirt. Zoh put away his axe then launched himself into the air with a rocket-pack that appeared from the back of his armour. Just as Zoh began dropping down I heard Garen shout:

"DEMACIA!"

A giant, golden sword fell from the sky and smashed into the summoner. It disappeared just as Zoh impacted into the summoner, propelling pieces of the man and rubble in every direction. As the dust settled all I could see below Zoh was the dent he made and a pool of blood.

We all stood up and dusted ourselves off. Pretty much everyone but me had blood on them so I felt happy with myself. I was definitely going to need to wash everything but other than that there was not a major problem.

After a second Akali asked:

"Is everything sufficiently dead yet?"

I looked around and noticed that one of the summoners was not dead, just very hurt and unconscious.

"That guy is still breathing."

Shen walked over to the summoner and pushed a rock off him.

"He is mostly un-hurt. What should we do with him?"

We all stared at each other but no-one spoke up until I heard the familiar voice of the villager coming from behind me:

"I think it would be best if you left him here. We'll sort him out then send him on his way."

I turned to look at him with an eyebrow raised.

"No reason to reply to aggression with more aggression."

"Okay. Deal with him as you wish. We'll just clean up a bit then go."

The villager bowed his head to me then went and picked up the summoner before taking him into one of the houses. His daughter followed him in but bumped into the side of the door because she was constantly looking over to me then back forward. I didn't quite understand why but I didn't want to intrude just to find out.

I looked around to find that my friends had already cleaned away most of the blood, gore and rubble. Zoh was writing a something down on a piece of paper when I approached him.

"What're you writing?"

"It's just a note to the summoners who will inevitably come here to find out what happened. They'll see this and have to come after us instead of causing this village trouble."

"Why would they believe the letter?"

"Because none of the villagers could make a dent that big in the ground."

"That makes sense. Carry on."

I couldn't see anything that I could help with so I just strolled around looking at the cracks in the ground from the earthquake. After a minute or so of following the lines I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I spun around to find that it was the villager's daughter.

"Hi. Do you need something?"

"No I was just, I'm a big fan. I heard you on the radio and I wanted to see your concert in Demacia but we don't have much money."

"Oh, well, it's very nice to meet you. What' your name?"

"Brienne."

"That's a lovely name. Is there anything I can help you with before we go?"

"I don't want to hold you up too much so could I just feel one of your tails? They are really cool."

"Sure." I replied while twirling around. Brienne stroked one of my tails softly.

"Oh wow. These are really nice. Can you actually use them for anything?"

"I can use them as a seat and stuff only Zoh is allowed to know about."

"I heard a rumour you use them instead of using your hands most of the time."

"Nah. You know, that probably came from when I held the microphone with one of them during a show. Oh yeah I did also hold a cup of tea with one of them once. I ended up spilling half of it though."

"I'm sure it will just take you some practice." Brienne concluded while letting go of my tails. I turned around and smiled at her.

"Okay well, I've got to get going now. Don't want to be here when the next summoners come along."

"Alright then. I better go help my dad with the summoner anyway. That dude got hit by a pretty big rock."

"He deserved it though."

"Definitely."

I gave her a quick hug then waved before walking over to Zoh who was nailing the note to the metal pole in the middle of the village.

"Hey Ahri."

"Hey. Are we good to go?"

"Almost." He replied while smacking away at a nail. After a moment he managed to get it lodged into the metal pole.

"There we are, brilliant. Let's go."

Later in the afternoon (16:00):

It had been a few hours and we were still trudging our way through the Howling Marsh. I was lucky enough to have Zoh to sit on so I wasn't tired but it was starting to get rather boring. The scenery barely changed at all as we went, save for the occasional hill or village. Almost everyone person I saw was utterly miserable. On a brighter note, the weather had remained pretty consistently good all day long.

As we crossed over a wide, cobbled stone bridge the conversation we had been having died down and we all ended up having our own small conversations.

"Ahri, have you ever considered what we're going to do if we actually win and sort out the League?"

"Not really. I guess we'll just go back to what we were doing before."

"Don't you think we should try to do more… you know… charity work and stuff? To rebuild the League's reputation and stuff."

"That could work. Or, we could just make URF a permanent game mode and everyone will love us for all time."

"Hell, if the League announced today that URF is going to be permanent I'd switch to their side."

"Same. And imagine if they made it so you could buy the exact amount of RP you want so you don't have to buy way more than you need just to get a skin."

"Ooh! I'm getting all hot and bothered!"

"From these ideas or from me sitting on you?"

"Both."

"Speaking of which, this isn't all that comfortable. You don't happen to have a pillow or something so I'm not just sitting on metal?

"You would be amazed just how prepared I am for this exact situation." Zoh stated before pressing a button on the side of his helmet. After some flicking through his hologram he pressed a button. The hologram disappeared and after a moment his armour opened where I was sitting and a pillowed chair that appeared. It was connected securely to his armour so I sat on it as a small antennae sprung out of his helmet. Hawaiian-style music began playing so I sat back and relaxed.

"When did you decide this was a necessary feature?"

"The moment it was brought to my attention that this marsh exists. Let's be honest, we were inevitably going to come here and there was never any chance you would be wearing suitable clothes."

"Actually I have plenty of clothes suited to this so there was a chance that I would be in those when we came here. I'm not, but you know. That's not important."

"It kinda is."

"Shhhhh…" I trailed off while slumping into my chair.

"So I take it this conversation is over."

"Mhmm." I mumbled while shuffling around in my chair a bit.

We carried on in silence for a bit as the ninjas explained what happened with the mountain to Garen. It was obvious they didn't actually know what happened. Neither did I really. There used to be a mountain there, then there wasn't. Some explosions were involved. That was all the knowledge any of us really had.

"Hey Zoh, what do you think Zed is doing right now?"

"Probably killing something or talking about shadows. Or killing someone WHILE talking about shadows… You get the gist of it."

"We haven't really seen him in a while. You don't think he's dead or something?"

"No chance. The only thing that is could kill that man is a nuclear strike on every inch of this planet so he can't teleport anywhere. And even than might not get him."

"I wonder what he's doing then. Who knows, he might have made a new friend or something."

Zed POV

My right blade came out of that summoner with a squelch. It was coated in his blood straight from his heart. I allowed myself to smile at the thought of the life draining from him. The last thing he ever saw was the shadow of the man who took his life.

He slumped to the floor, a pool of crimson liquid growing from below him. I did not waste more time savouring the kill. Only an amateur would make such a mistake.

Ahead of me were the quarters of one of the council members. He was not a problem anymore so it was not guarded.

I pushed open the doors and stepped carefully into the room. Stealth was still necessary so I let the door close very slowly. Unwanted attention would have led to unwanted fire moving in my direction rapidly.

Once I was sure the coast was clear I went over to the desk at the other end of the room and searched it. It took only a moment for me to discover what I came for: construction orders. Never before had so much death at my hands led to such a dull goal. However, it was important. The League had a weapon powerful enough to destroy an entire mountain. That was a problem. More of those weapons would exaggerate the problem exponentially.

I retrieved the documents and was about to leave when the doors were opened. Instantly I was balancing myself in the leg-space in the desk. Whoever opened the door had already discovered the body so I prepared to fight.

"Someone help! Council Member Xavaer has been murdered!"

From the sound of the voice it was a middle-aged, female summoner. I could definitely kill her and was about to when I heard more voices. Eventually they got close enough for me to find out that she had been joined by two male summoners. One was very, very old and the other was quite young. I almost recognised the younger one, though I couldn't quite recall from where until he spoke up:

"What if the murderer is still here?"

"Oh that is very likely. You, go find more help. Sam and I will make sure we get to the bottom of this."

"Okay."

I heard running as Sam added:

"I'll search over there. You check around here."

Footsteps moved towards me and I saw a shadow moving around the desk until eventually there was a robe in front of me. He leaned over and just as Sam's eyes caught sight of me my fist was hovering in front of his manhood, the blade ready to extend. I glared at him and clenched my fist as he stared back. The terror in his eyes faded as he realised what was happening.

Sam then made the best decision of his life and stood up straight before calling out:

"Nothing here. Have you found anything?"

"Nope. The culprit must have already escaped. We should send patrols to search the area."

"There's no point. If he or she got here without being seen then they won't have a problem escaping."

"Well then we must increase security here and search the nearby towns. The murderer may be hiding in one of them."

"Again, there's no point. This person just killed a council member without alerting a single member of security. They're not stupid enough to hide nearby."

"We can't just do nothing!"

"We can, Sybil, and we have to. We don't have the manpower to do a proper search without the Demacians. If we sent enough summoners out to do it properly then we're just asking to lose more of the council."

"Argh! Alright then! Let's hope the head summoner agrees with your assessment or we'll lose both our heads."

From down the hall I could hear the clatter or armoured men running. It sounded like pans being thrown against each other, Noxians.

Deciding the situation was no longer one I wished to solve in a bloodbath, I switched to a shadow under a tree. Just on time Zoh, Ahri, Akali, Shen and Garen strolled past. Zoh noticed me first.

"Zed, hey. Where have you been?"

"I've been murdering my way to some very important bits of paper…" I replied before holding up the documents and continuing:

"In case you were wondering about the mountain."


And it's over. At least no-one is mortally wounded this time around."

But anyways, I only have one thing to really say here. Anthropomancy, my assistant or something, has written a short one-shot called Cowboy hats and pies. It is based in the League universe and you can probably find it by searching for Graves or Leona. I might be a bit biased but I think it's pretty damn good and it'll only take a minute to read so if anyone wants to give it a try I'm sure he would appreciate it.

With that done, I hope you all had a good time reading this and I will see you all once again in a few weeks or something.

What up, Anthropomancy here, I just wrote that to show you guys I'm not just like an editor dude, I actually can write stuff, (The quality is for you to judge) but uhhh. . . it's the rough draft. I'm a lazy guy until I have to do something, then I get **** done faster than 5 hour long game Nasus pushing towers. To find it, search "Cowboy hats and pies" or do 5k rated T complete.

(Spoiler alert I'm doing another chapter, yay for shameless self-advertising :D)