Nothing here. Have fun.
Chapter 63: Break's Out
Zoh's POV:
Morning (18th April 08:00):
I was still winded as I pulled open the door.
"My good man, you appear to be injured."
"Astute observation, Azir." I joked before taking a couple seconds to regain my composure. When I felt good enough, I added: "Don't become a scientist. It really fucking hurts sometimes."
"I had no intention to study the sciences. It is not befitting of an Emperor to live in the shadow of another. Either way, this is not the conversation I came here to have with you."
"I guessed that much on my own. What is it you need?"
"I do not need anything from you as of right now. I came here to ask that you accompany me to a special summit that is happening in a few minutes."
"Consider me intrigued. What's happening there?"
"The future of the League and, by extension, ourselves is being revealed."
"And I'm only learning of this now because…?"
"Because you threw your invitation in the garbage." He pointed to the bin in the corner, with a piece of paper sticking out the top.
"In my defence, it looked like spam. You should hire better graphical artists."
After taking a couple minutes to clean myself up, I left with Azir for the conference area. Ahri was still asleep when I left, quite thoroughly exhausted from the previous night's 'events'. It was helpful, really. If she was awake, she'd have come with I and Azir and been horribly bored by it all.
We arrived in the mess hall shortly and found that it had been rearranged into a conference-style arrangement. A few dozen drowsy Champions, a whole lot of diplomats, and fuck-knows how many reporters were sitting around, waiting for it to start. Azir led me to the front row, where two of his soldiers were saving our seats.
The announcer, whoever the hell it was, stepped up to the podium a few minutes after we sat down. Once all the cameras had stopped flashing, he began: "Greetings. After multiple weeks of negotiations, a group of world-leaders has decided on the future operation of the League of Legends. I will now list the decisions that have been made, after which we will have a segment for any questions. First, the League will be returning to its former role of mediating international relations through battles between 'Champions'. For this to happen effectively and efficiently, it has been decided that a certain amount of Summoners will be brought back into the organisation."
I could barely hear myself think over the sound of the cameras and shouting. I'm pretty sure some of it was questions, but the majority just seemed like nasty comments.
"Please leave all questions for later in the conference. Thirdly, the remaining Summoners who do not return will all receive individual trials to punish them based on their own crimes. Fourth, all Champions who sided with the previous League administration will be put on trial for their crimes. However, their punishments will be limited to years of forced work as Champions."
After everyone mostly calmed down, he went on: "Fifth, and finally, the majority of Champions will be required to complete an educational course that will cover all primary subjects, such as maths, history, the sciences, etc."
I was barely capable of containing my laughter as the announcer went through all of the smaller points. He was saying something about un-aligned Champions when I turned to Azir and asked: "How the hell did they genuinely pass the Champ-school proposal?"
"I was able to convince them to pass it when I learned that the source of the idea was you. I believe it to be a rather novel idea."
"Hopefully it will go better than last time I was in school. I might get bullied a little bit less."
"I would hope so. You are to be a teacher, after all."
I raised an eyebrow at him and stated: "You realise you've basically made one of Ahri's sexual fantasies come true?"
"It would be best if you stop talking now. I do not wish to hear any more detail on the subject."
A week later (Monday 25th April 09:15):
I had no clue how the Summoners had managed to transform the science wing into a school in a matter of days, but I wasn't complaining. I had a lovely new lab and a bunch of my peers to teach. Obviously, I wasn't teaching all of the Champions at once. They'd been organised into multiple groups of twenty or so students, who'd rotate between the various teachers. I was taking science, Fiora was taking maths, Shen was taking English, Ryze was taking history, Gangplank was taking Geography, and Braum was taking P.E.
When everyone was finally seated, I declared: "Greetings, students. Welcome to your first science- Darius, shut the hell up."
He glared at me for a second before turning away from Draven.
"As I was saying, this is your first science lesson. Now, considering how I have no clue what the education is like on this planet, we're going to start with an exam to gauge what level I need to start at-"
Darius was talking again, so I threw a chair at him.
"Go on, keep talking. I have plenty of chairs under my desk."
I and Darius glared at each-other for a few moments before I ordered: "The test starts now. You have thirty minutes."
About half of the way through the time, I realised we were no longer half way through, so I threw a chair at Ekko. I wasn't entirely sure he was the one who did it, but I had to get rid of those foldable chairs somehow. Who would've though accidentally adding another zero to the order would make such a big problem?
I wasn't entirely sure what I was meant to do while they were taking the test. From my experience, most teachers just sat there writing shit down or pacing between the rows of seats. Pacing sounded really dull, so I started writing… something. It was something to do with lizards in space.
Clearly, I wasn't going to get anything done that way, so I decided to glare at various people until they started to look worried. I'm pretty sure Lux had a panic attack when I glared at her for a solid minute. She hadn't done anything wrong, but I totally won the staring contest.
Ezreal managed to catch my attention by slamming his paper down and putting on his best, most punchable smile. I considered throwing a chair at him, but that'd have discouraged other people from finishing their work quickly.
Strolling over to him, I grabbed his test and flicked through it. The whole time, I kept an impressed expression on my face and nodded a lot. Then I wrote a big 'D-' on his test and threw it at him, sighing: "Learn what wavelengths are, you fucking plebeian."
Over the next couple of minutes, the papers slowly piled on my desk until everyone was waiting patiently for Maokai to finish.
"Mao, how close are you to being done?"
"Hmm…. How many pages are there?"
"Twenty."
"Only seventeen to go, then."
"Okay, that tells me all I need to know. Put your paper with the rest and we'll get on with the lesson."
After a few seconds of frantically waving at me, Ahri managed to get my attention. I specifically remember telling her that those classes didn't require any sort of uniform, but it didn't seem to have done much good.
"What are we covering today, Mr Kihn?"
I wasn't entirely sure how, but she managed to make that sound incredibly sexual.
"Since it's the first day, I've been told to cover the simple topic of magnets." Everyone groaned, understanding immediately how boring that lesson would be. They were in luck, however, as I explained: "But, since I'm not big on doing what I'm told, we're going to go outside and learn the ins and outs of blowing various things up. Sound good?"
Everyone in the class, from Caitlyn to Vel'Koz, seemed to appreciate that idea greatly.
Much later (20:20):
"Do you really have to check it right now? Can't it wait?"
"Let's be honest, Ahri, you already know the answer. I've tried my best to not get involved with galactic events since coming here, but I can't just ignore the entire population of a planet disappearing."
She sighed and conceded: "Fine, but if you discover a massive conspiracy or something, let someone else handle it."
I shrugged: "Depends how big the conspiracy is." Teleporting away moments later.
When I arrived on the planet, I was right in the middle of the investigator's camp. A few of their strange flying saucers were scattered around and they'd set up some tents. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when they all pointed their guns at me and started shouting.
Not wanting to get into an unnecessary confrontation, I put my hands up and shouted: "Investigator! Get your ass out here!"
You could tell that little grey man was the one in charge, because he was slightly taller than the rest and he had a jetpack. I never did understand their rank system…
"Ah, how good to see you, uhh…"
He walked over to me and signalled for everyone to put their guns down, stating: "You don't remember my name, do you?"
"I do… I just have no clue how to pronounce it."
"Kwyrrstg'trks. It's not hard."
"Riiiiigght. Come on, let's walk and talk."
He nodded at me and started heading to the edge of the camp. I pulled off my helmet as he ordered some of their mounted patrols to move out.
"So, how's life been treating you? Still messing with those guys on Earth?"
"Yeah, heh, we're still doing that. We put a fork in one of them and he's convinced it's a teleporter."
"Nice. What about those fish-things?"
"Asteroid got 'em."
"Shit. That's awful."
"Neh, not really. They were getting super genocidal. So, what about you? I heard you were dead."
"I'm pretty confident that's not true. Who told you?"
"No-one. Everyone. One of the galaxy's most influential people just up and disappears, people start asking questions, you know? Most just assumed you finally built something terribly enough that it killed you." He paused before looking around, then whispering: "Between you and me, I suspected something when intelligence reported that the Diridian Emperor had been assassinated."
"Odd, considering I had a no-kill policy when I last met you."
"I'm an investigator, Zoh. I knew you had it in you. So, if you haven't spent the last few years dead, where have you been?"
"I got drafted into military service for… some reason. Never did ask. But after that went predictably sour, I found myself stuck on a pre-spaceflight planet."
"Were you stuck there for five minutes or did something go terribly wrong? You don't strike me as the type to get legitimately 'stuck' somewhere for any longer than you want."
"I could've left at any time but… it's a bit complicated. Suffice to say, one of the people there convinced me to stay."
"I find that hard to believe."
"She's a very 'convincing' woman."
"Oh. Let's not get into any more detail than that. We're here to investigate on behalf of the Alliance, after all."
"Yes, because their own investigators are always so busy. Anyway, what have you learned so far?"
"All of our scouting reports suggest that some sort of orbital weapon was used against the planet. All life has been completely scoured from the planet. Right down to microscopic organisms. Just look around."
I glanced over the landscape, and it didn't take long for me to come to the same conclusion as him. The grass had been reduced to ash, the trees were grey and withered, and there wasn't a native lifeform in sight, yet I could still see villages and towns dotted across the landscape. From a distance, there didn't appear to be a scratch on any of them.
"Oh my god… You're right…"
"Do you have any idea what could do something like this?"
"There are some species that use so-called 'org-weapons' that can only damage organic matter, but their design limits them to firearms. It's impossible to make bombs from that technology."
"Since I doubt the invaders took the time to shoot every fly on the planet, I assume they've found some way of up-scaling those weapons."
"Speaking of which, do we know who 'they' are?"
"No clue. Everything that was in a position to get data on them was wiped from the slate. Hell, they even cleared the damn seismometers that could've told us when this happened."
"Thorough. Very thorough… do we know of any planets that had a motive to do this? Any rivalries?"
"Nope. Records and interviews with people from the planet basically say that it was just… there. Didn't really do anything. Just an average planet. You don't think that maybe… your people could've done this?"
"No, it's not their style. If my people cleared an entire planet like this, they'd have told everybody. And probably put up a monument or two. I'm thinking something else entirely did this."
"What do you mean?"
"Something from Wild Space."
"That's impossible. Nothing can get beyond The Barrier."
"Nothing we have. Who knows what's going on over there? They could be centuries ahead of us, technologically, for all we know."
"But then why has nothing come out of there before?"
"Who knows? Maybe they just never had a reason until now."
He stopped walking and rubbed his chin.
"If it is from Wild Space, we're in deeper trouble than we thought. It took a lot of time and blood for the galaxy to get as peaceful as it is now. To have to pacify a whole new area…"
"It's a possibility we've got to consider."
"Indeed. But not now. First, we should gather as much data as we can while it is still soon after the incident."
"Agreed. Seems like a good idea to head to a town first."
"I'll take you to one we have not yet scouted."
He led me over to a small town situated on the bank of a river. While we were on our way there, I put my helmet back on and looked up everything I could about the planet. It was, as he had said, pretty average. One main continent that was covered by a vast savannah. The only unusual thing was the high number of magic-users compared to the average. Similar to Runeterra, but to a much lesser extent, the mages had taken a leading role in the running of the planet.
We strolled into town and I immediately recognised the issue. There were no piles of blood, gore, or ashes. There was just nothing. Almost forty million people had just vanished.
"I was expecting more… something…"
"That was my reaction. At first I thought they had all been abducted thanks to the sheer lack of any evidence, but I there's not a fleet in the galaxy that can move that many people so fast."
"Too right. Well, I suppose we better get to work gathering evidence."
"If there is any."
"If."
A while later (22:40):
"Shen, doesn't this feel strange to you?"
"Why would it feel strange?"
I looked out over the main room, which was completely clear of people other than me, Shen, and a couple Summoners on the far side.
"It's just normal. Nothing's happening. That Summoner isn't even trying to kill me. Doesn't that feel odd to you?"
"Nope. It might have something to do with my role in reintegrating everyone."
"Maybe… I can't tell if this feels good or not."
"Why's that?"
"I dunno. I guess… we've not had a real, proper break for so long. There's always been something happening. Now that there's not, I just feel kinda… useless. Do you get that sometimes?"
"Occasionally. But it is our job to make ourselves useless. If we do what we are meant to, and bring peace to the world, even if it is only for a short while, then we can say we've succeeded. We get to pass on the torch to the teachers, doctors, scientists and such, and let them make the peace last."
"Huh, that's a nice way to think of it. Especially good for us, since you're a surgeon and I'm a scientist."
"It is pretty difficult to believe that you're a scientist when you're bashing your way through an entire regiment of soldiers… or talking."
"Is it the swearing or the nonsense? Or both? Probably both."
"Both, and the awful jokes."
"I'm hilarious even if only I know it! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go do science." I exclaimed while hopping off my stool and walking away from him.
"Blowing things up doesn't count as science."
"I'm the scientist here! If I want your professional opinion, I'll lodge a grenade in my brain."
"I'm not that kind of surgeon." He shouted as I rounded the corner and got out of earshot.
I smiled as I made my way back to the room. There was something comforting about not having to constantly worry about something, with the notable exception of the roaming band of aliens wiping all life from planets. Other than that, I was feeling pretty worry-free.
When I stepped into the apartment, I checked around the main room for Ahri. She wasn't there, but her school outfit was draped over the sofa.
Apparently, she'd heard me come in, as she shouted: "You missed the student-teacher roleplay, but I've got another one!"
"What is it?"
"Come in and see, master…"
I furrowed my brow and mumbled: "Did I hear that last bit right…?"
LEMON AHEAD
I gripped the handle and paused for a moment before turning it and walking in. Kneeling on the bed was Ahri, in nothing but a red bra with golden trimmings and golden belt with red lengths of cloth dropping down from the front and back, reaching her knees on both sides. She also had a golden collar on with a chain linking her to the bed. I practically died.
"I'm so glad you're finally home. Do you want to join me, master?"
I walked over to her and asked: "Where's the key for that?"
"I don't know, master. Slaves don't get told that stuff."
When I reached her I tugged on the collar. It was locked on, and the chain was so short she couldn't leave the bed.
Finally remembering that we were supposed to be role-playing, I stated: "I think you'll keep that on for now. You slaves need to be kept on a tight leash, or you might forget your place."
"I would never, master. I'm yours to command!"
"Consider this my first command." I stated before unbuttoning my trousers. She got the idea and immediately unzipped them before pulling down my trousers and boxers in one. I removed my jacket just as she tentatively reached out and gripped my dick. She slowly stroked it, back and forth, for a few seconds before asking: "Is this to your liking, master?"
"Yes, you're doing well, slave. Keep it up, or I'll be forced to punish you."
She glanced up at me for a moment with her most innocent look, before turning her attention back where it should have been and doubling her efforts. Her other hand joined the first as she feverishly stroked my length.
In a situation like that, it was no surprise that I neared my peak very quickly. Ahri knew this, and exclaimed: "Master, please cum in my mouth! I must taste you, master!"
"You have to prove yourself for that honour, slave!" I shouted before blowing my load over her face. She managed to close her eyes in time, but the majority of her face was still covered. I grabbed her collar and pulled her face up to be just below mine: "Clean yourself up, but don't ruin the bed. It must all end up in your mouth. You did ask for a taste, slave."
"Thank you, master. Thank you so much."
I let go of her collar as she wiped her face off and then licked her hands clean. Her face wasn't that clean when I ordered: "And now me."
She initially put her hands up towards my length, but I was quick to correct her: "With. Your. Mouth."
"Sorry, master." She bowed her head briefly before leaning forward and taking my dick into her mouth. Little by little, she consumed it, until almost the entire length was inside her overly-chatty entrance. Her mistake was stopping at 'almost'.
I grabbed the back of her head and rammed it onto my dick, forcing her to take the whole thing. I could feel her licking along the length as I pulled her away, only to slam her back down again. The back of her throat felt great against me, but the best part was getting there. So I continually pulled her away then shoved her back down again, revelling in the sounds of her gagging, until, after a little while, I felt something coming.
"You've been a good little slave. Here's your reward."
I pulled back slightly and let myself explode onto her tongue. She greedily consumed all she could, licking my shaft and stroking it with her hands to coax as much into her mouth as I could give. I pulled out as she swirled the last of it around in her mouth before gulping it down like the rest.
Between laboured breaths, she muttered: "Thank… you…"
I waited a moment before ripping my shirt off and stepping out of the pile of clothes at my feet. I shoved her down onto the bed and gripped the chain with one hand while flinging the cloth covering her pussy out of the way.
"You forgot the word."
"What, I… no! I'm so sorry, master! I was just-" She was cut-off when I covered her mouth with my hand and pulled her up to my with the chain.
"There is nothing you say to solve this, slave. You forgot where you stand and you forgot who your rightful master is!"
I uncovered her mouth and she begged: "No, please master! I was just… I just… I need to feel you inside me again!"
"Oh, you will, slave." I snarled before shoving her back down on the bed and flipping her over. I pulled the cloth covering her butt out of the way, inciting her to plead: "No, anywhere but there, master! Please!"
"You are my property and I will take what is mine!" I declared before ramming myself into her ass. I heard her start to sob lightly and a small trickle of blood dripped out.
I heard her mumble: "Anywhere… but there…" which only filled me with renewed purpose as I started to rock back and forth. I grabbed her hips for leverage as I increased in speed and power, slowly breaking-in her ass.
I picked her up from behind and held her on me, shoving the tails out of the way. With one hand on her chain and the other around her stomach, I pulled her up and dropped her back down. Behind the crying, I saw a moment of pleasure hit her face. It happened again with each drop, slowly getting more prominent. By the time I was ploughing into her in earnest, she was screaming 'master' over and over.
With every thrust, I could feel the ridges of her ass gripping onto my length. It was so incredibly tight in there, even after all that time getting ravaged.
While still shoving it into her, I grabbed Ahri's collar and brought her ear to my mouth, calmly asking: "Do you want it inside, or on your back?"
"Inside! Please, master! I need to feel more of your honoured seed in my unworthy, slave body!"
"That's good to hear, I was going there either way." I sneered before shoving her face down onto the bed and shoving myself one final time into her asshole. She screamed 'master' louder than ever, and her tunnel contracted and loosened around my dick, giving away her orgasm and making my length continually release more cum into her. I was just starting to finish when she calmed down and started moaning 'master' quietly. Only when I was sure I was done did I gradually remove myself from her pulsing tunnel. It remained slightly agape as a trickle of my juices started to come out.
"Slave, I'd hate to see that go to waste."
"Please, master, do not think your seed is wasted in me!" She reached under and let the cum pool in her hand, before bringing it up to her mouth. She kept doing that until the trickle stopped, and I could hear her disappointed groan.
Almost immediately, she turned around and brought her mouth to my dick, laying kisses all over it and taking it into her mouth, desperately trying to take as much cum from it as she could.
"Ah, you want more for your mouth, slave?"
"Yes master! It tastes so good! So addicting!"
"I shall allow it, but for a price." I hinted, noticing something on the bed-side table.
"Anything, I'll give you anything, master!"
"You will find out what I mean soon enough, slave. For now, do as you will."
She nodded furiously before taking my dick into her mouth again. She worshipped it with her tongue and gave her all trying to get it to give her what she wanted. Probably deciding that it was taking too long, she pulled her lips away and shoved my dick in-between her tits, which were being pulled together by the gold bra. It was surprisingly tight between her cushiony boobs, but the best bit was when her mouth re-joined. She adored the tip with her talkative little slave mouth while rubbing her tits up the length of it.
It was surprising I lasted as long as I did under that barrage which meant that, after a short while, the slave girl got her wish of a fresh load of cum. I could see her savouring every taste she got before swallowing it, bit by bit, until I had no more to give. She looked up to me as I pulled my dick out from between her tits, waiting for the price I mentioned.
Wasting no time, I turned her onto her chest and reached for the table. Retrieving the convenient, gold shackles, I pulled my slaves arms behind her back and chained them together at the wrist.
"What kind of master would I be if I let you make such requests as that without also reminding you of your position? Answer me, slave."
"You would be an unwise master. But you are better than that, my master."
"Such a good answer…" I approved before turning her on her side and using her legs to pull her pussy onto my dick. She started screaming again just as I pulled her off and back on again. She came very quickly, her walls shuddering and spasming around my dick. I spun her and pulled my slave up to me before grabbing her breasts from behind, my hands sliding under her golden bra.
"I'm going to cum soon. And it's all going inside you. Would you like that, slave? Would you like to become my breeding whore?"
"Yes, master! Fill me with your seed! Impregnate me as many times as you can! I'm begging you, master!"
"I want to hear you say it! Say you will be my breeding whore!"
"Master, I will be your breeding whore! Whenever you wish it, I will bear your children!"
I finally came, by far the biggest load, and all directly into her womb.
"Is this not your rightful place? The velvety walls of your cunt impaled by my length? Your body-" I paused while gripping her breasts hard: "Mine for the taking? Your womb filled with my seed, preparing to bear my child?"
"Yes, my master! Every part of this slave is yours! I wish nothing more than to take your seed into me and give you an heir."
"Well then, we'd better make sure your belly has all it needs." I whispered before standing up, my breeding bitch still stuck on my length, and stepping off the bed. I placed her onto it with her face down and started again, shoving it into her more powerfully than ever. I pulled her knees up and put them onto the bed, to give me a better view.
The feeling of her slick walls guiding me in enticed me to drive deeper than I had before. She screamed into the covers when I rammed into her cervix, and repeated the noise each time I slammed it.
"This is what every master wants. A willing bitch on his dick, ready to give him any hole he wants to use, whenever he wants to use it. Which is why-" I began before stepping up onto the bed and shoving her against the wall: "I'm going to expect these holes to be just as accepting every day of the week. After all, we must make absolutely sure that my breeding slave always has a belly full of cum. Or else she can't do her job, can she?"
"No, master! I-" She was cut off by an orgasm blowing through her, tightening her entrance around my length.
"You what?!"
"I will be- ahh… ready whenever you please! Pour all your cum into me! Please, master!"
"Now that is a good idea!" I exclaimed before finishing into her depths. My tip was resting against her cervix, pouring my seed directly into her. I flooded her womb once more with my juices, absolutely ensuring my slaves impregnation.
With my cum still pouring into her, I collapsed onto the bed, bringing Ahri with me. She carefully spun around, making sure to keep me in her at all time. She smiled and giggled: "That was fantastic."
"I'd say so. You are gonna need some serious birth control, though."
"Aww, but I was looking forward to being your breeding slave."
"You can if you want to, but it might be a bit of a pain next time someone comes along to kill us."
"Could be worth it though."
"Could be."
"I'll think about it. I don't need to put any thought into being your slave though."
"Is that a 'definitely no' or 'definitely yes'?"
"Here's a hint: I'm keeping the outfit." She paused for a second before leaning in and whispering into my ear: "And the chains."
"You certainly know how to make me a very happy man." I admitted before kissing her collar, adding: "I suppose we should get you out of this stuff now. Where are the keys?"
"We'll find 'em in the morning." She yawned, quickly falling to sleep.
The next day (Tuesday 26th 9:20):
"So, 'breeding slave', huh?"
"Got it from a TV show." I explained before pondering for a moment, adding: "That was a really fucked-up show…"
"I hope you didn't take all that from a show."
"Nah, just one or two lines. Ah, found them!"
Reaching into a pile of junk, I grabbed around for a few seconds before pulling out a set of keys that I didn't recognise.
"Did you just chuck these things away?" I asked while walking over to the bed.
"The idea that I had to rely on you to let me out was a turn-on."
As I freed Ahri, I commented: "I'm pretty certain that wardrobe is a turn-on for you."
"Having sex against it is."
"Tell me something I don't know."
Lemon over
She got up and stretched while asking: "So, what are we doing today?"
"There's no school today, so… I'm not quite sure…"
"We don't really have much to do when there's not a crisis going on, do we?" She joked while getting dressed.
"Yeah. What did we used to do?"
"We had sex a lot and got drunk every once in a while and… just sorta made it up as we went."
"Right, well, I guess I'll go make tea. I'm usually more imaginative after tea."
"Make me one as well. And only have one. We know what you're like after too much."
"Yes, yes, fine, I'll have one."
I put some boxers and trousers on then started heading to the kitchen. I chuckled as I left my room but stopped when Ahri shouted: "And only use a normal-sized mug!"
"I didn't realise there was a rule against fun!"
"There's a rule against having so much caffeine that you try to freeze fire!"
"It sounded like a good idea at the time!"
"That's my point!"
"Yeah, I suppose she's got a point there…" I mumbled as I went over to the kitchen door. As I reached for the handle I heard something drop on the floor behind me. I turned around and saw it in the centre of the room.
"Hey, a flashbang." I paused for a moment before noticing something: "It's got no pin."
That thing was exceptionally loud and very bright, even though I managed to close my eyes in time.
I felt something tackle me to the ground and shove my face against the ground. In my confusion, I didn't realise it was a person until my hands were cuffed behind my back, when my head finally caught up and told me I should have fought back. Bit late, but at least I eventually figured that bit out.
By the time I came-to, they had me on my knees in the middle of the room. I was on the opposite side of the coffee-table to Ahri, who was in a similar position. At least she'd managed to get her clothes on in time, so it wasn't all bad.
There were five people around the room by my count, all wearing different styles of armour and underclothing, but all with the same plastic masks on. The masks were all of the same, generic man, but each of them had a different expression.
The one with an angry face stepped up behind Ahri and prepared to decapitate her with his sword.
"Wait, wait, hold on! You're not even going to give a dramatic monologue first?!"
"Nope."
"Well that's just dull." I sighed before pressing a button through the material of my back pocket. Shockwaves immediately blasted out of my device, knocking everyone in the room a few metres back. It felt super funky having it in my pocket, but I stayed steady enough to reach around and grab whatever was in my front pockets. The first one summoned my axe, which I slammed into the ground before using the slight amount of exposed edge to break the chain on my handcuffs. The other device was my shield but, sadly, I didn't have my armour device with me.
I activated the shield and had to immediately use it to block the attack of the sad one. It was a hammer, so I was pushed to the ground by the force behind it. He hadn't even pulled his hammer back when he kicked me in the face. That really fucking hurt, but I didn't have time to tell him all the ways in which that was rude, because his hammer was about to crush my head in a few thousand awful ways with just one swing.
I had learned my lesson from last time, so I deflected his hammer to the side with my shield. I even managed to catch his foot the second time. That gave me a chance to jump up and shove his foot towards him. He was pushed off-balance and fell onto the sofa. Before I could do anything, I had to duck to avoid a flail being swung my way. I flipped the sofa backwards while I was ducking, buying me some time without the sad dude. I also managed to grab my axe and turn to fight the guy with the flail, who had the scared face.
Then, like a true fucking spoil-sport, happy jumped in next to the scared dude.
"Not fans of the honourable one-on-one, eh? Suppose I can't talk, I don't even have an Intervention."
Fair to say, they probably didn't get the reference.
The happy and scared dudes approached at the same time and swung in-sync. There was a flail and two maces heading towards me from a few different angles and I had no clue how I was meant to deflect them all. So, instead, I dived forward with my shield up. They split apart, making me fly harmlessly through the middle of them. When I hit the ground I rolled, coming to a stop on my knees looking away from them. Ahri seemed to be doing fine and had somehow managed to get out of her handcuffs.
When I turned back to the ones I had to deal with, the three of them had regrouped. The sad hammer-guy was slightly apart from the other two, presumably to give him space to swing, but it gave me an idea. I disabled my shield and used the free hand to throw a table at the happy and scared dudes. It didn't distract them for long, but it gave the sad one the supposed-opening that he needed to come at me with his hammer. I charged at him, grabbing him by the waist and throwing him at the scared dude. The two collided and fell to the floor, but the happy guy was immediately at me, swinging wildly with his maces. I had to reactivate my shield to block the ones I couldn't dodge, but he was swinging so fast that defending myself was all I could do. I didn't realise he had driven me back all the way to the coffee-table until he kicked me onto it.
I thought, foolishly, that happy stepping to the side was a good thing. It was actually just to give space for sad to try to crush me under his hammer. I rolled to avoid it and hit the floor, kicking Sad's leg to knock him over. I was still mid-kick when a flail came down towards me, which I barely blocked with my shield. I managed to yank the table over me to block the maces headed for my face, but they still got partially through.
"Bastard! I liked this table!"
His maces were still stuck in the table when I jumped up and shoved it at Sad and Scared. I had, at some point, lost my axe though, so me and happy were in a temporary stalemate. I ended that by throwing my shield at his head then kicking him in the balls, once again showing the importance of proper crotch-armour.
I ran past Happy and picked up my shield from the ground, turning to once again face Sad and Scared. They wasted no time in attacking me, but I had my back to the wall of buttons. Just as I was about to get mauled by a flail, I pressed a button.
Waiting patiently for a moment on the island, I was soon followed by Sad. My timing was just about perfect, as his head appeared in front of my shield mid-swing. He was sent to the ground, but I had to press the button again to make sure I hadn't just put Ahri in a four-vs-one. I appeared back in the apartment directly behind Scared, which worked fine for me.
He noticed just in time to bring up his mini-shield to meet mine. I dived out of the way of his flail, hitting the ground on my side. Definitely not among my best landings.
I got up and was about to run into my room for a few useful things, but happy ran over and stood in the doorway, maces ready.
I got an odd feeling that someone was behind me, and when I turned, there was a hammer. I brought my shield up only just quickly enough to block it, but that didn't save me from getting smashed to the floor. He was about to do it again when I threw my shield at his face. He didn't manage to dodge it, so he was out of the fight for a couple seconds.
It was going to take too long to retrieve my shield, so I had to dodge away from Scared's flail. He only had to take two swings before I had rolled over to Happy in my attempts to dodge. Sad was running up with his hammer above his head. He was about to get in range to swing when something flew past us into my room, then immediately back out again. The only difference was a very helpful button had been dropped next to my head.
My armour appeared just as they all brought their weapons down. They all pinged off harmlessly, so I joked: "Well, you tried. I'll be sure to place participation medals on your gravestones."
I got up as they all gave a few more tries at striking me, but I think we all realised that the fight was over. I smashed Sad across the face then picked up Scared by his head, throwing him at the wall. Happy realised he was next, but was smart enough to make a hasty retreat. One of them must have thrown a smoke grenade, and I didn't switch to infrared fast enough to stop Sad and Scared disappearing as well.
The two that Ahri had been fighting were gone as well, using the same tactic. I took off my helmet and walked over to her. When the smoke cleared, she looked at me and admitted: "That was a bit out-of-the-blue."
"I'd say so. We must have done something to seriously piss them off."
"That doesn't exactly narrow down who the hell they are."
"I'm sure we'll find that out soon. First things first though, we need a new table."
She looked around at our furniture, which was all pretty torn up, and suggested: "It's probably best that we just go ahead and replace most of this stuff."
A little fire started to emerge from the sofa, so I agreed.
I've lost track of how late this is. Woo.
I am a profeshinul.
